06x47 - Villains in a Van Getting Gelato

[bunniefuu]

[bird crowing]

[cat meowing, mouse squeaking]

[elephant trumpeting, lion roaring]

♪ Go! ♪

[opening theme playing]

♪ T-E-E-N ♪

♪ T-I-T-A-N-S ♪

♪ Teen Titans, let's go ♪

♪ Teen Titans, go ♪

[hip-hop music playing]

[whirring]

[engine revving]

♪ I think they gon' do something 'bout the door
'Bout the door ♪

♪ Every time when we come through
Come through ♪

♪ Call on my
Call on my ♪

♪ Call on my, call on my
Call on my ♪

♪ We gon' take it
To the house ♪

[blaring]

There's my man!

Hop in, guys.

Front seat!

No, I get the front.

[Brother Blood yelps]

[growls]

You shall relinquish control
of the front seat to me.

Yes, Brother Blood.

Where's Brain?

In the bathroom.
He should be out any moment.

Huh. I didn't think that dude,
you know, pooped.

How does that even work?

[toilet flushing]

Let's just say
it involves the gorilla.

[all laugh]

[Brain] Be back
in a bit, Mallah.

Give hugs and kisses
to all the henchmen for me.

- B-rain, what's up, my man?
- [music playing]

[Brain] I am so glad we found
time to get together.

Between work
and raising my army,

I've just been so busy lately.

You know why these outings
are so great?

Because no one understands
villains like other villains do.

[Brain] It's like we're
our own special breed.

And a very misunderstood breed
at that.

So what are you guys up for?
Tacos? Pizza?

Well, for an occasion like this,

[gasps] I say
we start with dessert.

[all exclaim] Joker's Gelato!

Mmm. I'm gonna get me

two scoops of
Chocolate Minty Mark Hamil.

I'm more of a Cookie Jared
Ledough myself.

Joaquin Butter Pecan Phoenix
in a waffle cone,

thank you very much.

[Brain] Heath Ledger Bar
Milkshake for me, please.

Joker's Gelato, here we come!

[tires screech]

[cars horns honking]

Oh, man!
Would you look at this.

It's the middle of the day, there
shouldn't be this much traffic.

[Brain] Let me see
what the trouble is.

Oh, no! Not the Titans!

Cyborg, hit it.

[button beeps]

[bass-heavy music blaring]

[all vomiting]

[Brain] Having a giant robot dance
party in rush hour traffic?

Oh, that is so typical of them.

Those fools have caused more chaos
and destruction than we ever have.

And yet, we're considered
the bad guys.

The Titans are a bunch of jokes.

I know, right? You know who
I find the most annoying?

Beast Boy. Ugh!

[upbeat music plays]

[mimicking Beast Boy] Yo, yo, yo!
That's what's up, bro!

My name is Beast Boy,
and I sound so stupid

'cause I talk like this.

[laughs]
Great impression, Blood.

It was like Beast Boy was right
here in the van with us.

[all shudder in disgust]

[Brain] Oh, how I loathe
those Titans.

Their incessant buffoonery's
enough to drive anyone insane.

Did I ever tell you about the time
they actually did drive me insane?

There I was, having
a relaxing night at home,

- cup of tea...
- [cat purring]

...when suddenly my super computer
picked up an incoming signal.

- [cat yowls]
- [alarm blaring]

It was a giant meteor.

And it was heading
straight for Jump City.

I quickly realized there was only
one thing powerful enough to stop it,

the Titans Tower
weapons arsenal.

I immediately rushed over to
warn them of the impending doom.

However, when I arrived, they
were playing this ridiculous game

where all they could say was

"waffles"!

[Brain] Oh,
that is so like them.

I know, right?

Anyway, you can only imagine
the disaster that followed.

[grunts] Titans, there's a giant
meteor that's about to hit Jump City.

We only have moments before...

Waffles!

Wait, what did you just say?

Waffles, waffles, waffles.

This isn't a joke.

A meteor is about to...

Waffles.

You're messing with me now,
aren't you?

Waffles, waffles.

Argh, cut that out!

- Waffles.
- Waffles.

Waffles.

It's not funny.

[Titans]
♪ Waffles, waffles, waffles ♪

♪ Waffles, waffles, waffles ♪

- ♪ Waffles, waffles, waffles ♪
- [Brother Blood screaming]

- ♪ Waffles ♪
- [Brother Blood] They drove me completely mad,

and that meteor ended up
destroying half the city.

You have to admit, though, that
waffles song is rather catchy.

♪ Waffles, waffles, waffles ♪

♪ Waffles! ♪

- ♪ Waffles, waffles, waffles ♪
- Stop it. Stop!

Silence!

[tires screech]

If I hear that song
one more time, I'll explode!

Relax, Blood.

We feel your pain.

I, too, have a painful story
I'd like to share.

-[music playing and crowd cheering]
-A while back, I was invited

to perform one of my spectacular
light shows for a benefit event.

I borrowed the museum's
giant prism

- to take my light show to the next level.
- [bell dings]

I went through all the proper channels,
filled out all the paperwork.

I wanted the show to be legit,
% on the up-and-up.

[crowd cheering]

[whirring]

[captivating music playing]

[cheering]

From now on, I shall only use
light for good and entertainment.

I truly feel today is the first
day of the rest of my new life...

- [crowd gasps] - Too bad the rest of
your life is going to be behind bars.

Wait, I didn't do
anything wrong.

- [groaning]
- [Robin grunting]

Seriously... [groans]
I didn't break any law.

- Ow!
- Save it for the judge.

[Dr. Light groaning]

[crying]

But I really didn't do any...

Same some for Cy!

[vocalizes aggressively]

Stay down!

You do not want to get up!

Ka-blam!

[Dr. Light] I was
hospitalized for weeks.

And without a light show,
the benefit event was unable

to raise money for
the Jump City orphanage.

[groans] Their wanton
displays of v*olence

are really inappropriate
for such a young audience.

[Brain] Superheroes are
supposed to be role models

who always model good behavior.

And if kids can't
look up to superheroes,

who can they look up to?

Their parents? Please.

Yeah, they'd be better off
looking up to us.

- Ditto.
- I agree with that %.

[Brain] ...upstanding,
you know.

The Titans are
such disappointments.

You wanna talk disappointments?

Let me tell you what happened
just last week.

Me and the H.I.V.E. decided we wanted to
make a little withdrawal from the bank.

Hand over the money, H.I.V.E.

We didn't steal this money.
It's ours.

- We just cashed in our
- Ks.

That don't make no sense.

- Choosing to cash in your
- Ks before retirement age

will cause you to get hit with
additional taxes and penalties

that can reduce your savings
by as much as %.

And why would you choose
to succumb to this fate

when you could've just as easily
rolled your money into an IRA

and avoided paying the aforementioned
taxes and penalties altogether?

That would be
the fiscally wise option

that any sane person
would have chosen.

Which is why we know
that you are telling the lies.

- Get 'em
- No, no. Wait.

We were just ill-informed
about our financial options!

Maybe this will teach you
a lesson.

[beeping rapidly]

No!

Ugh. How do they know so much -about
things like -Ks and rental properties?

[Brain] It's as if their dialog was
written by some boring middle-aged man.

[all laugh]

[tires screech]

[vocalizes]

We're here!

- [all cheer]
- We are here.

[all] Joker's Gelato!

[slurping and munching]

I am loving these Pepper
Jack Nicholson sprinkles.

[slurping]

[Brain] Joker's Gelato always
puts a smile on my face.

- [digital warbling]
- [cash register dings]

[girl giggling]

[mysterious music plays]

[continues giggling]

[digital warbling]

[Brain sobbing]

Brain, what's wrong?

Do tell, Brain,
what happened, bro?

[Brain] As you know,

I'd love to spend my weekends
like a typical megalomaniac:

coaching youth soccer.

Lyla, show no mercy!

Persa, take no prisoners.

First, we shall dominate
this soccer division,

- and then the world!
- [thunder cracks]

But just before the big game,
the power went out.

So, I rushed home to grab my
generator to power the lights.

Careful with that,

it is crucial to my plan
for world domination.

[Robin] Your plan
stops here, Brain.

Beast Boy,
take out that generator.

That's my specialty, yo!

That's right! You's gettin' all them
shrimps and prime rib, generator!

- [' s R&B music playing]
- ♪ Shrimps and prime rib ♪

♪ Shows you how much I care ♪

♪ Shrimps and prime rib ♪

- ♪ Oh, baby, I'm cooking Shrimps and prime rib ♪
- ♪ I'm cookin' medium-rare ♪

- ♪ For you, I cook it Medium-rare ♪
- ♪ Medium-rare, baby ♪

♪ For you, I cook it
'Cause I care ♪

[Brain] Stop! That grease
is going to short the circuits.

[crackling]

Without that generator,
I had to cancel the game.

And when the kids found out,
they were furious.

I absolutely despise
the Titans' humor.

[Brain imitates Robin]
"Take out that generator."

[imitates Beast Boy]
"Oh! Well, I get it.

Like, take it out to dinner."

[chuckling] Hmm,
that's actually pretty funny.

Mmm, sorry.

Well, gentlemen, I must say, indulging
in these delicious frozen treats

and sharing these stories has
truly been cathartic for me.

It's so much healthier to talk
about our problems

than it is to carry around
all that anger.

I'm not even mad
at the Titans anymore.

Then I propose,
that from this day forward,

we give up our hatred
for the Titans,

and instead,

meet here once a week and discuss
our problems like mature adults.

[others] Hear, hear!

[upbeat music playing]

Curse you, Titans!

[Brain] Destroy them!

[all yelling]