01x05 - Episode 5

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Tourist". Aired: January 1, 2022 -present.
A man wakes up in the Australian outback with no memory, he must use the few clues he has to discover his identity before his past catches up with him.
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01x05 - Episode 5

Post by bunniefuu »




Yeah, it's-it's me.

I I need to report a m*rder.

So, you're not gonna tell me anything about this Kosta guy, huh? Like, maybe why he's so keen to spend some face time with me? No idea, but a guy like that wants to talk to you, chances are you've done something.


Do you do this a lot? You know, as a law enforcement officer, do you break the law a lot, do you? You don't feel bad at least? I deal with the job at hand.

What if the job at hand is to drown an overweight five-year-old Belgian kid in the bath? Why would that be the job at hand? Dunno.

Well, why would you choose that? Well, it's hypothetical.

I'm just saying, morally Belgian is very specific.

You know what I'm asking.

I don't like this any more than you do.

I'd say you enjoy it a little bit more.

When you got six months to live, you start to see shit a little more clearly, all right? What's important.

Yesterday, I got a call out of the blue.

Lachlan Rogers, welcome to the worst day of your life.

- Who is this? - Kosta Panigiris.

I think you would have heard of me, a man of your position.

Look at your phone.

I sent you something.



Shut it off.

You are looking for an Irishman.

Elliot Stanley is his name.

I want you to bring him to me.

Or what? I thought you were supposed to be a detective.

And don't bother calling your police friends.

Not unless you really hate your wife.

Don't you f*cking dare.

Elliot Stanley means nothing to you.

So, it's either him or the woman you love.

It's not such a hard choice.



Circumstances conspired against the two of us, Elliot.

We're both victims in this.


Yeah, poor you.

Kosta, how much longer? She won't bloody shut up.

Did you know she's a cop too? Patience.


Stay calm.

It's almost over.

Are you serious? I've been taken here at g*n.

I don't think having some of the guy's water is gonna make things worse.

Aren't you gonna at least wipe it first? Listen [GRUNTS]

Start talking, you little f*ck.

He said he doesn't remember anything.

Since the accident.


Oh, f*ck.


I've done what you asked.


Lachlan Rogers in the flesh.

It's nice to meet you.

Where's my wife? No, no, we are still hunting.

Play nice, and you'll see her again, soon enough.

Here, give me your phone.

Tell me what I want to know, or we'll see what else can be done with this straw.

It's recyclable, you see? Good for the planet.

Don't look at him.

Look at me.

It's hard to forget what you did.

So, let's start with the bag.

Where is it? Or maybe she took it, in which case [TENSE MUSIC]



I'll show you where the f*cking bag is.


- Helen? - Now's not a good time.

I just-I just need to talk to Elliot.

I figured you might know where he is.

- Well, you can't.

- Please, okay? I-I just want to tell him that he can stop running.

No, you don't get it.

I'm gonna take care of things.

I just watched a cop sh**t another cop right in front of me, and then-and then he took Elliot with him, God knows where.

So, I'm-I'm sorry, Luci, or Mel, or whatever the hell your name is, but you're too late.



Take care of what things? If you know something, you have to come down here, okay? We're-we're at the Dusty Moon motel in Kalura Creek, Honeymoon Suite.

Just come talk to the detectives, okay? - The Honeymoon Suite? - Well, nothing happened.

Yeah, I didn't assume that it would have.

Look, look, Elliot is in trouble.

Like like, big, fat trouble.

So, just just tell me what you know.

Anything that could help me.

Yeah, look, talking to the police is pretty high up on my shit list, so no can do.

Ple Oh, sorry.



You must be Chambers.

Sergeant Pam Renton.

- What took you guys so long? - Had to finish breakfast.

So, where'd it happen? I was right there.

Peter, go talk to the receptionist.

Oh, I already did.

He didn't hear anything.

He had his headphones in.

Why don't you let us do our job and you not do yours, okay? I'm just trying to help.

I've never met Inspector Rogers, but I know people who have.

And not a soul's got anything but good to say of him.

All I know is what I saw him do.


Are you talking to me? Never mind.

It's roasting in here.

Can you not open a window or something? Oh, my God.

What the hell is that? Oh, my God.

What what's with you? Hey.


You've definitely become more weird since I saw you last.


Uncuff him.

Get the shovels.

What are you doing? You see this, right? See what? "And they waltzed, and they stepped arm in arm, straight into the belly of the beast.

" Huh? It's beautiful, isn't it? [DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Can we get on with this? Hey, come on, come on.

You forget where you put $1 million? That's what this is about? A million dollars? A man like you Hey! There.

That's where the magic is.

Let's get to work.

And then we can talk about your girlfriend, huh? [DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS]




Hello? Hello? Elliot? Elliot.

Is that you? Come in.

Come in.

Elliot, is that you? You came.

Dad? I didn't think you'd make it.

I'm here.

Of course I am.

You never did like the piano, did you? I don't remember.

12 years.

You went to piano lessons for 12 years.

And you remained horrible at it.



You only kept going to those lessons to make your mum happy.

'Cause she wanted you to.

'Cause it was easier.

Easier than saying no and making your own choices.

That's your problem, son.

You never push yourself.

You never f*cking push.


Let go.


Hey, can we get a doctor in here? Hello? What the f*ck? [MUFFLED MUSIC THROUGH DOOR]

If I didn't care More than words can say If I didn't care Would I feel this way? If this isn't love Could I please get a lemon drop martini with Belvedere vodka, please? - Sure.

- Thanks.

Can I help you, Stares-A-Lot? Have we met? Wait, this-this is how we meet.

Oh, my God.

That's a really nice line.


I mean, it's pretty good.

Does it does it work for you often? No, that's not what I mean.

It's definitely what you meant.

You should probably put something on that sunburn.

It's pretty bad.

Irish blood.

I don't think that you should blame the Irish for your inability to put sunscreen on.

Seems a little bit unfair.

Name's Elliot.


- That's a shame.

- Why is that? Well, the only two Victorias I've ever known are both toxic narcissists with a foot fetish.


You met my mum and my nan then.


You know, I'm-I'm pretty sure I've got some aloe vera back in my room.

Ow, ow, ow! Neck, neck, neck, neck.

- Ooh, sorry.

- f*ck.



When can I see you again? When do you want to see me again? Well, I have dinner tonight.

So, after? Bit keen.

Is that a yes? It's a maybe.

What is this? I mean, is this a memory of us? Did this happen? How am I supposed to know? We're in your subconscious.

I'm so f*cking confused.

She's precocious And she knows just what it takes to make Mr.


Good to finally meet you in person.



I was starting to wonder if this day would ever come.


Good evening, gentlemen.

Are you ready to order? No, we are waiting on someone.

You should really put something on that sunburn of yours.


My love.

This is my fiancée, Victoria.

This is Elliot.

He works for me.

You're uh I work for-I work I work for you? She snows you Off your feet with the crumbs That she throws you She's precocious And she knows just what it takes To make a pro blush All the boys think she's a spy She's got Bette Davis eyes Oh, Bette Davis eyes [VOMITS]

He drank my f*cking LSD.

Which you keep in your water bottle.

It's a micro dose.

Distilled water, some acid, and some other stuff.

Special Kosta blend.

It helps my creativity.

It's taken my sculptures to another level.

Here, you see this? I did this in one night.

Ten hours straight.

- Very nice.

- I know.

He drank the whole thing.

- Yeah, well, he was thirsty.

- For me, it's nothing.

I do this shit all the time.

For him, it's like you give a baby a bottle of vodka and a f*cking crackpipe.

Okay, you go where he was.

You dig.

What? Do you believe in karma, Mr.

Panigiris? No, I believe in digging.


My fiancée.

You don't know when to stop, do you? I have something you want.

You have no idea what I want.

Don't hurt Elliot, and I'll come and show you what I mean.

It'll change everything.

Change everything? Sure.

Just tell me where you are.

- You find anything? - Doesn't seem like it.

You can go home, you know.

We have your statement.

What about Lachlan Rogers? Has anyone found him yet? This isn't your case.

Go home.


- What? - You don't have to talk to the police.

Just talk to me.

- You are the police.

- No! I'm-I'm-I'm me.

I just happen to be a policewoman.


Please, you and I, we want the same thing here.

We don't want to see him get hurt.

And historically, you've tended to know more than you've let on.

So, just tell me where he is, please.

Honestly, I'm at a loss here, 'cause I think that maybe it could be connected to those weird stonemen that I found on his camera, or, I don't know.

Just, Luci, Victoria, Geri, whatever your name is, let me help.

Let me be the cavalry.



I'll tell you what I know.


Hey! I know where they are.

Come on, then.

Is it here? Am I even digging in the right place? Just focus, will you? Where is it? [VOICE DISTORTS]

Where's the bag? Bag.


People love trophies, don't they? Right, the f*cking bag.

Like this.

This is my trophy.

Inside this bag is $1 million, the first money I make.

From nothing.

A magic trick.

A formation of dust, from the slums.

I carried dr*gs for dangerous men.

I stole.

I lied.

Every night, every night, I was passed around like a novelty for when they got bored of their putanas.

But I kept everything I made.

Anyone who says money is the root of all evil has not seen the tree, or the leaves and flowers that grow from those roots.


Stanley, am I boring you? Sorry.

I was um No, not at all.

Money is important to me.

Well, I'm an accountant, Mr.


I understand.

He give you the money speech? Yeah.

Gave me the same when I started working for him.

It's kind of intense.

- Fancy a beer? - Sure.




You can go through now.

They're ready for you.

Who's-who's ready for me? [DISSONANT ROARING]

Hello, young man.

Please, sit down, sit down.

Can I get you a cup of tea or coffee or? No, I'm I'm fine.

What are you doing here? I work here.

No, no, you work as a tour guide with that other No, I think you got me confused with somebody else.

No It's you, but with glasses and a fake beard.


Yeah, I see the confusion.

See, I'm actually someone from your past.

An Englishman.

I'm just not doing the accent.


It's Colin Callend, an accountant, partner in your dad's firm.

This conversation happened 15 years ago.


See, memory's a strange thing.

We don't remember things as they happened, word-for-word, moment-for-moment.

We capture, like an impression.

Like a like a thumbnail.

And when it's time to bring those memories back, our brain just fills in the gaps.

If it helps, back when this happened, you looked like this.

- So, is this an interview? - No.

Absolutely not.


This is an informal discussion.

Okay? I mean, come on, we're an accountancy firm.

We're not the Third Reich.


Let's begin the interview, shall we? - You said - Okay, young man, tell me, when I eventually offer you this job, why do you turn it down, just so that years later you can be found working with an international drug dealer? - Excuse me? - Kosta Panigiris.

He made a small fortune with a business that ships narcotics around the globe.

This can't be news to you, surely.

I don't need this shit.

We are what we do, Mr.



Where's the bag? I have to wake up.


Where's my bag? I have to f*cking wake up from this.


Where's my f*cking bag? [NOIR JAZZ]



You and me.

You in or out? What are you [CHUCKLES]

What are you doing with that? If you want to give us a sh*t, we've gotta go.

Right now.

They're on their way upstairs.

Why are we running? Why am I holding a shovel? I think I'm supposed to be digging.

No, you're supposed to be running.

Come on.



You forget where you put $1 million? I'm really sorry about all this.

You have questions.

Jesus Christ.

Uh, yeah, let's start with um, why you just stole Kosta's very special bag of money? f*ck, I really don't know how to put this.

Well, succinctly would be great.

You ever why I'd get engaged to a guy like Kosta? Yeah.

Crossed my mind.

Okay, so he thinks that we met by chance, right? But we didn't.

Technically, I found him.

I met someone close to him, and that's what gave me the idea in the first place.

- Why? - Well, it's kind of what I do.

I, um I encourage people to separate from their money.

- So, you're a thief.

- Well.

I prefer con woman.

Or confidence woman.

- What's the difference.

- You know, "fidence.

" Bollocks.

Who told you to stop? There's nothing there.

The guy's out of it.

He doesn't have a clue what he's saying.

I don't know.

This life, it's It's not who I am.

It's just-it's just what I do.

Well, aren't they kind of the same? Where is it? f*ck's sake.

I was in this for more than a million dollars.

But then I met you.

And I don't know.

I I woke up this morning, and I saw the bag in Kosta's house, and I thought, f*ck it.

Let's go.

Let's do this.

I'm not really big on planning.

f*ck you.

I can see that.

But how's this for a plan? Australia.

Lots of places to hide.

Plenty of money to hide with.

Happily ever after.

f*ck you.

Happily ever after.

I told you, I'm leaving, and I'm not coming back - this time.

- Great.


f*ck you.

f*ck you.


What happened? You lasted on the run for six weeks.

And it was one argument too many.

Simon and Garfunkel parted ways.


With us.

Did we that night? How should I know? I'm you.

I'm so confused.

You're gonna be okay.

Why are you here? Because I'm the only person you know in the whole wide world.



Where's my f*cking bag? I need you to think, malaka! I just can you just let me lie down for a second? Please, I can't think.

You can sleep later, huh? Part of me don't want you to tell me, because this is just This is so present.

Can't you feel it? Don't you feel alive? Huh? [SPLASHING]



Who's that? [DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Who the hell knows we're here? Approaching location.

Move! Move! All right, everyone, listen up! Let's check around the back.

You expecting someone? They're driving past.

Why are you so paranoid? [LAUGHS]

Yeah, clearly you're enjoying yourself.

You think this is all f*cking funny.

Calm down.

The stress is no good for you.

Or maybe you're upset because you had to k*ll your policeman friend.

- I had no choice.

- Oh, you had a choice.

You chose for your wife not to become sausage meat.

It was a good choice.

Nothing here.

The place is empty.

Just, she lied.

But she knows where they are.

I'll try her again.

You've wasted enough of everyone's time.

Don't you think? Come on, everyone.

Let's wrap this up.



Now even if there is no money, they can go in that nice big hole you are digging.

Hey, at least your wife isn't going in there.



I'm sorry.

Are you now? Yeah, I-I am.

I I thought I was I thought I could do it.

Make a difference, you know? Be that person.

But instead, I just embarrassed myself.

You disappeared.

For days.

I'm on my second sharing platter of halloumi cheese here.

My second sharing platter.

Beside myself with worry, I've been.

It's more complicated than that.

I was I was kidnapped, by the guy who forgot who he was.


Are you actually serious? Of all the cock and ball stories It's true.

Ethan, I swear.

Promise on your granny's life? Promise on your granny's life.

Then why am I just now hearing about it? I haven't told anyone.

I haven't even filed a police report.

It's complicated.

Having your mother bathe you until the age of 16 is complicated.

Trust me.

He was confused, okay? He's scared.

He was never gonna hurt me.

All right.

We're gonna go down to the station right now, and you're gonna file a report.

I don't know.

It's beyond that now.

There's this detective inspector in Major Crimes who's just gone totally bonkers.



Enough! Okay, this bloke and his dodgy memory have been nothing but a thorn in our sides.

So, we go, right now, and put it behind us.



You don't need the money.

What's this really about? Sometimes, a job's worth doing, it's worth doing yourself.

What? Nothing.

Back to work.


Hello? Tell me, are you alone? [INDISTINCT SPEECH OVER PHONE]

Marko, are you alone? Tell me you're alone.

How did Kosta know we were in Australia? Your girl Victoria slipped up.

Used a credit card.

So we started looking into it.

- We? - Me and Billy Nixon, Kosta's distribution guy.

I did some digging of my own off the back of that.

It took me to some place called Burnt Ridge.

So, I went there this morning to take a look.


- And? - I knocked on a lot of doors.

I said, "I'm looking for this girl," and if you see her, say I just want to talk.

"Find a way to work things out.

Put this behind us.

" And did you find her or not? You know, me and Victoria, we never exactly but you and me, that's different.

That's why I didn't show Billy this.

She must have left it on my windscreen.

Seems like she was willing to hear what I had to say.

You have to talk to her, man.

Sort it out.

I'll do what I can to keep Billy off the track and away from Burnt Ridge.

I appreciate this.

Hey, you could have ratted me out to Kosta.

All the money I was skimming from that crazy assh*le.

But you were standup, so now we're even.

Oh, also There's one number on that phone: me.

We talk only if we need to.


You never f*cking push, Elliot.




No, no, no, no, no, no.

Walk with me.

Talk with me.

I ain't as dumb as I look, see.

Kosta told me you and Marko was tight.

Said to keep an eye on you both.

And, boy, was he right.


Picture this.

cr*ck of dawn this morning, we're like Thelma and Louise, me and the Greek.

He asks me Where are we going, Billy? And I says, I got this information.

Possible whereabouts type of thing.


Let's find these bitches and go home.

I miss my cat.

See, I'm a dog man.

Cats, they were as big as dogs, they'd rip you to pieces.

But dogs, they're loyal till the day they die.

What's with the cowboy hat? My mother used to wear one.

God rest her soul.

I drive us way out into the middle of nowhere.

Your man's got no idea what's coming.

So, what are we doing here? [WHEEZES]


Pretty f*cking pleased with yourself for a d*ad guy.

Well, when we have this conversation, I don't know I'm d*ad, do I? Anyways, he comes to.


Where is he? What the f*ck, Billy? Let me out.

- Hey, hey, hey.

- Just let me the f*ck out! Where? He didn't want to give you up, but, um, I'm persuasive.

Silver Eye Motel.

Room 6.

Now let me go! Shh.

When I was a kid, when I messed up, my momma well, my momma would lock me in her coal scuttle.

Just keep me in there till I promised to be better, and my tongue was black, and my eyes could see no more.

Yeah, my momma could be a real c**t that way.

May God rest her soul.

- Don't do this - Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.


I ain't mean like my momma was.

There's a hole there.

I've got this hose.

My mom could make sure that this stays above the ground, so you'll have some air in there.

Not a lot.

It will not be pleasant.

But you'll live.

And if you ain't lying, if I find him where you say he is, then I'm coming right back here, and I'm gonna let you out.


You know what's funny? That's exactly what my momma said Right before I buried her ass.


Your boy broke like bl*wn glass on a freight train.

It's why I'm a dog man, see? A dog man who ends up leaving Marko's phone in there with him? Yeah.

You know he ends up calling me from underground? - How f*cked is that? - Hey, nobody's perfect.

I got there too late.

Did you know the poor bastard was allergic to scorpions? That's bad f*cking luck right there.

I-I-I will not film you in the toilet, okay? That's the last time.

Yeah, you guys should talk to him.

I saw him chasing some kids earlier.

He's not well.




I know I was here before the accident.

I'm hoping there's something on that camera that can help me to understand why.

Anyone I was with, anyone I was talking to.

I can tell you what you said.

We're giving away a disposable camera with every purchase over $10.

I'm fine.


But they're free.


You're asking where the nearest servo is.

Where's the nearest service station? She's giving directions.

Down the road there.

The Saddlepack Roadhouse.

Saddlepack Roadhouse.

Got it.


Focus, will you? Where is it? Where's the bag? Hey, this is Marko.

I can't answer the phone right now, 'cause I'm buried underground.

Marko, listen.

Wherever you are, if you're still alive, and somehow able to get this, no hard feelings about telling Billy where to find me.

You did what you had to do.

The money's safe.

If something happens to me, I need you to get it to Victoria.

I've written the location into that phone you gave me.

I'll text you where to find it.

Out the front, round the back.




You never push yourself.

You never f*cking push.


Why do I keep seeing you? I I don't remember.

Help me to understand.

Help me to understand.

You know me? Greenlanes.


She knows me.

I'm so f*cking thirsty.

He back with us? I think he's on his way.

You are thirsty, huh? You want me to drown you some more? No.

No, no, no, no.

I remember.

I remember where I hid the money.

Really, this time.

Your timing was always so impeccable.

Who you expecting, Kosta? Who? No one.

Show me where it is.

Who's in the car? Stay focused.


More than I expected.

Nice of you to join us.

- You okay? - What are you doing here? Trying to stop you from getting f*cking k*lled.

Okay, everyone back together again, huh? The people who f*cked me over.

You have something I want? Yep.

I do.

You remember the day we first met.

My car hadn't actually broken down.

I knew that you were gonna be there.

I was waiting for you.

You lied about how you two met? Is that just, like, something that you do? A while back, I got talking to someone who told me all about you.

Your brother.

What the fu
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