Hey, guys, you
are not going
to believe
what I found at the
construction site.
BRIAN:
Whoa, whoa.
First, we've got
to discuss... the look.
What, my hard hat?
The foreman gave it to me.
You can't be too careful
when you're working
around heavy machinery.
Ooh, my big, sweaty
blue-collar baby.
Yep, I got my hands
pretty dirty.
You got a scuff
on your hat.
Oh, no.
Oh, well,
this is just ruined.
What's in the bag?
Oh, you are not going
to believe this.
It's amazing.
Oh, wow, a big
old filthy can.
I'm just blown away.
No, don't you remember?
We buried this
in the backyard years ago.
Oh, my God.
You dug up Jingles.
Put him back.
No, I didn't
dig up Jingles...
although I did
see Jingles,
but I don't want
to talk about that.
Anyway, look,
don't you remember?
It's our time capsule.
Time capsule?
Oh, yeah, we put
a lot of stuff in it.
We buried it for the future.
How old were we?
Oh, God, I don't
know-- 11 or 12.
Come on, let's open it.
All right, everybody
get ready
for a blast
from the past.
Okay.
I'll go back and get
the time capsule.
Come on, Jingles.
Sorry.
Hey, got a new hat.
Yep, this one's
Scotch guarded.
You sure that this is
the time capsule now?
Because remember, after Jingles,
there was Patches.
Yeah, this is the time capsule.
Look, I even put a note on top.
See?
"July 15, 1973.
"Not to be opened
"for 20 years
or else you die.
"Very truly yours,
Joey Hackett.
P.S. This means
you, Brian."
Wow, look at
all this stuff.
Oh, look, Joe,
your Little League trophy.
Oh, one of many.
Oh! Helen, here's an old
Three Musketeers
like you used to eat.
Oh, one of many.
Why'd you bury a rock?
Hey, it's Alfred, my pet rock.
Oh, come on, Casey, don't tell
me you were suckered
into buying one
of those things.
What kind of idiot
pays money for a rock?
Mine's called Englebert.
Hey, speaking of suckers,
here's your mood ring, Joe.
Now, come on, this
is different.
This is science.
Besides, it looked
really great
with my purple
bell bottoms.
And I am guessing
that this was yours?
Cool!
Playboy magazine?
You were 11.
Not just any Playboy, uh...
"Under Covers with the Women
of James Bond."
What?
Oh.
See that
woman there?
Grandmother now.
Ugh, that's
a depressing thought.
It means that naked woman
straddling the nuclear warhead
is now fishing for a caramel
at the bottom of her purse.
"The Women of James Bond."
Oh, that's the only issue
I'm missing in my collection.
Could I just see that?
(chortling)
Ooh, it's got kind of a...
kind of a musty smell.
It's been buried for 20 years.
Ew!
Hey, anybody going to eat
that candy bar?
It's all yours.
Thanks.
What are these?
The letters!
What letters?
Don't you remember?
We each wrote
a secret letter
about where we thought
we'd be when we grew up.
Helen, here's yours.
Brian, there's yours.
Casey...
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
now wait a minute,
wait a minute.
We're gonna open them
one at a time.
I'll go first.
Why you first?
Because I called it.
Okay, ready?
"Copyrighted 1973 by
Joseph Montgomery Hackett.
"All rights reserved,
"including the right
"to reproduce
in any form.
Foreign rights to be
negotiated at a later date."
Wow, that's a wild story--
Okay. Mine.
Wait, hold on,
just give me a chance here.
"I, the aforementioned
Joe Hackett
"herein referred to as Joey,
state that
when I'm a grownup..."
Here he comes!
(all cheering)
As mayor of this island,
it is a privilege...
No, it's an honor...
No, it's a dream
come true
to welcome back
the greatest
baseball player ever
and quite possibly
the most magnificent
man alive--
Joey Hackett.
(cheering and applause)
Before we commence
with the Joey Hackett
Day festivities,
"The Hack" has
graciously agreed
to take some questions
from the press.
Okay, fire away
but no curve balls.
(laughter)
(laughter stops)
Joe, how do you
find the energy
to be the greatest
baseball player
who ever lived,
bring peace to all
nations of the world
and still manage
to look so
darn handsome?
Well, hey,
that's an easy one.
I start each and every day off
with a great big bowl
of Joey-O's.
Mr. Hackett!
Mr. Hackett!
Can I have an autograph?
Aw, gee, you know what?
I don't have a pen.
(crowd groaning)
I'm sorry, sir.
I should've
been here
sooner, sir.
I'll do
better, sir.
I told you, Brian.
You're my brother.
You don't have
to call me "sir."
Oh, you're right.
Sorry, s...
I'm sorry.
Stupid! Stupid!
Stupid! Stupid!
Yes, that's true,
but like I always say...
forgive yourself.
Gosh, Hack, you're
the greatest.
Yes, he is!
You're my world.
Joe, if you're
ready now
the limo's
here to take you
to the ceremony.
Well, I don't think we should
start without Mrs. Hackett.
Where is my lovely wife?
(giggling)
Here I am, darling.
So pretty.
Mrs. Hackett,
it's a pleasure
to meet you.
My, you look
lovely today.
Well, I'm just
trying to be
the best Mrs. Joe Hackett
I can be.
Tell me, what
do you think
of your husband's
phenomenal career?
Well, I don't know.
I'm too busy trying to be
the best Mrs. Joe Hackett
I can be.
If we're all
ready now,
just follow
us on over
to the town
hall square
where we will unveil
and dedicate
the statue to Joseph
Montgomery Hackett.
(loud cheering)
Yay!
And then...
we will officially
rename this island
NanHackett!
Hey, Hack,
will you autograph
my crutches?
Crutches?
You don't need crutches.
Well, I kind of do; I've
never walked without them.
I hate that word "never."
(moaning)
(gasps)
My God!
I can walk!
You're the greatest, Hack!
BRIAN:
All right, all right,
hold the phone.
You laid on hands
and healed the lame?
And NanHackett?
Why not the Joe-nited States
of America?
You were married to Casey?
That was your ideal future?
Hey, I was 12.
She was the first one
to sprout boobs.
But what about me?
Aren't I even
in that letter?
Well, let me
see here, hon...
(cheering)
(chanting):
Joey! Joey! Joey!
Joey! Joey! Joey!
Joey! Joey! Joey!
Joey! Joey! Joey!
Joey! Joey! Joey!
Joey! Joey!
Joey!
I...
Joey!
JOE:
Nope...
Sorry. You
weren't in it.
Hey, what's going on?
Oh, we're just looking
through this time capsule
we buried as kids--
looking at the stuff
we put in there.
Wow. What's that?
The "Bond" issue of Playboy.
Not the magazine--
that adorable little rock.
May I see it?
Oh. Well,
that's my pet rock. Here.
All right, me next.
There's a certain quality.
I find myself
strangely drawn to it.
"I, Brian Hackett..."
Charisma-- that's what it is.
"I, Brian Hackett,
20 years from now will be..."
(g*nsh*t)
(imitates Sean Connery):
Very nice.
But I'm in the mood
for something dry.
As you wish.
A martini that's...
Yes, I know how you like it.
Somebody's trying to make...
a point.
"Good evening, Agent Hackett.
"The enemy has launched
a laser satellite
"aimed at the White House.
"You are to neutralize it.
"Oh, and by the way,
watch your...
watch your pack"?
Excuse me.
Thong...
can you make this out?
(screaming)
Rest in pieces.
(doorbell chimes)
Hey, Brian, you ready?
League finals tonight.
I think
we're going to take them.
I'm afraid that's not
up my alley tonight.
Aw... nuts!
Well, the other fellas
are sure going to be sore.
Please convey my regrets.
Tell them...
...something's come up.
JOE:
Man, what a
super cool pad,
and all on a teacher's salary.
Geez, I should've
gone into teaching.
That's where
the money is.
Oh, wow! Hot stereo.
Good morning, starshine
The Earth says hello
You twinkle above us
We twinkle below
Glibby glube gluby
Naybe nobby nuby
La-la-la-lo-lo.
You know, I tried to get
the guys at the Red Sox
to give me a raise
but the guy says I got
something wrong with my arm,
says I got no control,
says I keep throwing peanuts
to the wrong guy.
(doorbell chimes)
I'll get it.
Hi, Brian.
Listen, there's a bunch
of dead guys
piled up outside
your building.
Anyway, let's get going.
We'll miss
the free wienie bar.
Brian can't go, Helen.
Oh, no. Again?
But it's league finals
and I've
perfected my form.
As striking as that is...
spare me.
No one said anything
about my new bowling outfit.
I'm sorry, my love.
It's...
(silenced g*nsh*t)
(screaming)
...to die for.
Well, let's get
going, Helen.
I want to get
there early,
run this baby through
the ball washer.
They got a new one.
Oh, hello.
Brian,
your cleaning lady's here.
Joe, Helen,
you remember
Mounds O'Plenty.
JOE:
Hi, Miss O'Plenty.
Brian's such a slob.
He got a new cleaning lady
every night.
Remember, I don't do windows
and I get off at 10:00.
You underestimate me.
JOE:
Now, hold it.
I can't believe
you actually thought
you were going to be
an international spy.
Someone had a little
problem with reality.
I think I would've made
a great spy.
I don't know why
I didn't pursue it.
Yeah-- this from the kid
who wet himself
when I threw a snail at him.
It got stuck in my hair.
Well, all I can say
is thank you both.
In your letter, I wasn't
even on the planet
and in your letter,
I was a planet.
CASEY:
Okay, now let's read mine.
"I, Casey Chappel,
"the first
and most beloved daughter
of Dee Dee and Phil Chappel..."
Beautiful, Casey!
Beautiful!
That's it.
Give me more.
Now give me that famous pout.
Ooh!
Show me the perfume.
Beautiful!
Oh, money
in the bank.
Hold it. We've
got to reload.
Hair! Makeup!
Doll, you were
spectacular.
I literally had
tears in my eyes.
Yes, keep making with the
heavy thumb on the Aqua Net,
we'll all have
tears in our eyes.
Slow down.
You're giving her
a helmet head.
Ow!
Slut.
Skank.
Boys, boys, please.
Can we remember
what this is all about?
Me.
Absolutely right,
sweetheart.
Some of us are just
in a mood today.
Well, at least
I'm not tacky enough...
Hmph! To wear clogs.
(gasps)
Casey, the client wants
us to sh**t the perfume
with just your hands
and not your face.
(both gasp)
Well!
We'll see about that.
Where's my agent?!
I'm holding.
I'm holding.
Right on cue.
Gigantor's here.
Oh, you're terrible.
Hey, cupcake, come here.
And you, go roust up
some doughnuts. Let's go.
You should
always wear black.
It's very slimming.
Yeah, Bernie, look,
we're not talking about
some flash in the pan.
Casey Chappel won't work
for chump change.
Oh, bubbula,
what's with the long face?
Oh, they want to
sh**t the perfume
without my face.
Just my hands.
What?!
Who is that?
Casey Chappel.
That's right, binky.
So if you want
a close-up of a hand
I got a model right here
who wants to work with you.
Yes, sir.
Anything, sir.
I'm sorry, sir.
Where's twinklebuns
with my cruller?
Casey, if you're
ready, we can start.
(music playing)
Gorgeous.
Smashing.
Hold it right there.
Beautiful! Beautiful!
Yes!
Terrific!
Fat again?
What is wrong
with you people?
So I was a big girl.
Couldn't you see
past that?
Sure. Just move three steps
to the right...
And lean way over.
Very funny.
All right, it's my turn.
I've heard all your sick,
demented ego trips
but it ain't over
until the fat lady reads.
It's over.
Oh, wh-what is in there?
Nothing. It's just stupid.
Oh, as opposed to
"double-o idiot"?
Oh, come on, haven't we
had enough for one day?
No.
Sit.
Read.
"In my future,
I, Helen Chappel..."
CROWD (chanting):
Helen! Helen! Helen!
Oh, thank you.
I love you all.
Whew!
Another amazing concert,
Miss Chappel.
Proof once again you are
the greatest rock cellist
the world has ever known.
Oh, please.
Just 'cause you read it
in Rolling Stone,
don't you go believing it.
I hear them calling
for another encore.
I already gave them 14.
I'll be glad
to give them a 15th
but I'll be late
tucking in the orphans.
(knocking)
BOTH:
Is Helen here?
Folks, folks, folks,
this is a
private area.
Hey, I got something
that'll change your mind.
Here, say hello to
Mr. George Washington, huh?
That ought to work,
Diamond Jim.
Casey? Brian?
That's okay. Let them in.
Are you sure?
Yes. This is
my dear sister
and brother-in-law.
Hey!
H-h-hey!
It's great
seeing you guys.
You're looking...
Great seeing
you guys.
Oh, fancy digs.
Hey! Nice hooch.
Hey, this must've
set you back
like two, three
bucks, huh?
Whatever this baby cost
would feed us for,
like, a month.
Yeah, why don't you just
pick her pockets?
Why don't you shut
your blowhole?
Oh, go on,
give me a reason!
Yeah! Yeah!
Well, you look
beautiful tonight.
Thank you.
What is that? Silk?
Ooh, that was subtle.
Shut up!
So did you see the show?
No, sorry,
didn't get to see it.
He scalped the
tickets you gave us.
Well, it fed your
face, didn't it?
Oh, yeah.
Dinner at Denny's.
I had to pretend
it was my birthday...
again!
So, you in town long?
Uh, nah, actually,
eh, got kind of
a big business
deal cooking--
you know,
something
in sales.
Sales. Yeah.
He's selling his hair,
his blood and his sperm.
Believe me, those
wells are drying up.
Eh, you're always knocking
me down, aren't you?
Knocking me down!
How much this time?
Nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah!
Come on, put that away.
Put that away.
We don't need
any help.
However, 600...
a thousand
ought to cover it.
Thank you.
God bless you.
Listen, of course,
this is just a loan,
as we all know,
and believe me,
I will pay it back
as soon as my...
big business deal closes.
Yeah, or another
sperm bank opens.
Give me that.
Now that's
a safe place.
Nobody'll ever
look down there.
CROWD (chanting):
Helen! Helen! Helen!
Some guy outside
wants to see you.
You want me to get rid of him?
Oh, no.
After all, my fans
follow me from town to town,
they set up
little communities.
I'd be nowhere
without the Helenheads.
Show him in.
Come in.
Oh, wow, man.
I'm like really here.
Are you sure?
(goofy chuckle)
No, not really.
Anyway, oh,
you were, like...
incredible tonight.
Thank you.
Hey, can I sign
something for you--
your headband or your love beads
or your Birkenstocks?
Hey, Helen, man,
don't you recognize me?
I'm Joe Hackett.
I've been at every concert
on the "Mello Cello" tour.
Your sister's
married to my brother.
Oh! Right!
The successful Hackett.
Yeah, that's right, man.
Well, it was
great seeing you
and I'd love to
stay and chat
but, um, maybe you
better get back
to your seat
for the encore.
No. No, man.
I love you.
I love you.
I need you!
I-I want you!
Hey, listen, there
will always be a seat
on my love bus for you.
JOE:
Hold on...
CASEY:
Wait a minute...
JOE:
Come on...
I can't believe you
made me a stalker.
Wait. I'm confused.
Was I a drunk or just a weasel?
Who cares?
I had a bad perm.
I told you I didn't
want to read it.
Well, I've had enough
memories for one day.
Me, too.
Boy, I don't know
what stinks more--
this or Jingles.
I'm just gonna put this
back where I found it.
Here, Helen, give
me your letter.
Um... I'll do this
'cause you have a flight.
Oh, great. Thanks.
Wait a minute,
wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Were you holding
something back?
Tell me it's not
worse than you said.
Well, maybe I sugar-coated
it a little bit
but, Joe, what does
it matter?
You're right.
It doesn't matter.
We were just kids.
What do we know?
Okay.
What did we know?
07x23 - Life Could Be a Dream
Watch/Buy Amazon
Two brothers, Joe and Brian Hackett, run a one-plane commuter service from a small Nantucket airport.
Two brothers, Joe and Brian Hackett, run a one-plane commuter service from a small Nantucket airport.