04x25 & 04x26 - The Parasite/The Love

[bunniefuu]

[ Upbeat music plays ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Anais' voice: "dear diary,
today, it happened --

The thing I wanted most.
I made a friend.

Her name is jodie.

She needed a pen,
so I lent her mine --

Which is why I wrote
this entry

With a paintbrush
dipped in yogurt.

But she smiled at me!

From this moment on, I knew we
were going to be best friends!"

Darwin: dude, that's
a really good impression!

Thank you.

But I'm still not convinced
we should be reading this.

[ Normal voice ] ah, come on,
we did the pros and cons.

Mm.

Okay, quite a few cons,

But on the pros side...

[ Anais' voice ] "I hope
I get my growth spurt soon.

I'm tired of using the cat door
at granny jojo's house

Because I can't reach
her doorknob."

[ Muffled chuckle ]

Okay, let's just read
a little more.

"Today, I got to sit
with jodie in the cafeteria.

She still looked hungry
after finishing her lunch,

So I gave her mine.

Jodie was scared she'd get a bad
grade for her science project,

So I gave her that, too.

[ Laughs ]
she was right.

Science is not
her strength.

But I was happy to help
my friend.

Later on, we walked
back home together.

She said she was tired,
so I carried her bag."

[ Normal voice ]
wait a minute.

This jodie's taking credit
for anais' work,

Getting her to carry her stuff,
and eating her lunch!

You know what
she sounds like?!
You.

No, I meant [sighs]
you know anais.

In spite of being clever
and sarcastic,

She's also fragile and weird,
and she has trouble fitting in.

And this person is taking
advantage of her weakness,

And you know what
that's called?!

A gumball?

Uh, uh, yeah, but --

I'm the only one who should
be allowed to do that, okay?!

I just don't think anais
should hang around

With that kind of person.

Now you sound like
mrs. Mom.

[ Mrs. Mom's voice ]
no, I don't!

[ Normal voice ] I refuse
to let our little sister

Get tricked
by this parasite!

[ School bell rings ]

Anyway, I got to go.

Can you see her?

Look harder!
No.

[ Grunts ]

No, I meant -- [gasps]

There she is!

Huh, funny, she looks
exactly how I imagined.

Darwin, give me your shoe.

This will teach you for toying

With my sister's feelings!

Ow!

So, jodie,
are you hungry, friend?

[ Both gasp ]

Do something!

Uh...

[ Breathing heavily ]

No -- about her!

[ Breathing heavily ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Groans ]

I've got an idea!

What?

Give me your shoe!

Uh, how about we just
wait and see

If she's actually
as bad as you think?

[ Sighs ]
all right.

Jodie, we're friends,
right?

Sure.

Best friends?

W-well...uh...

Um, do you want
some candy?

Uh, okay.

What'd you want? Don't worry --
I'll buy one of each.

That's what friends
are for.

[ Chuckles nervously ]
yeah.

[ Chuckles nervously ]

[ Both gasp ]

I don't know what to feel --

Sadness for our little sister

Or anger at that
horrible freeloader!

How about both?

[ Both grunting, crying ]

[ Gasps ]

Ohh!

[ Ball bouncing ]

I'm okay, jodie!

What exactly are you
trying to do here?

Prove that anais has been
brainwashed by jodie!

Look,
I'll throw another one.

No, no, no!
I-i believe you.

How about you stop throwing
things at innocent girls

And you speak to anais
when she's alone?

[ Grunts ]

Anais: hey, jodie,
you want me to carry your bag?

Jodie: [ sighs ] okay.

[ Grunts ]
[ smack! ]

Ow!

[ School bell rings ]

Hey, anais,
we need to talk.

What about?

[ Anais' voice ]
"dear diary, today,

I met a wretched friend
who takes advantage of me

And deserves to have objects
thrown at her face."

[ Normal voice ] agh!
What was that for?!

That was for reading
my diary.

Agh!

And that was for
using my voice

Without permission.
[ Clang! ]

And that's for trying to

Throw things at my friend!

And that's for worrying
about me.

You don't understand!

She's not your friend!
She's a parasite!

First, she uses you
to get stuff,

Then when you think you guys
are friends,

She takes over your mind,
attaches herself to your body,

And before you know it,

She's turned you into
a fungus thingy

So she can release her spores,
contaminate more people,

And destroy civilization
as we know it!

[ Clicking, growls ]

I...stole that last part from
a zombie video game.

It's just, I don't want you
to feel sad

When you realize
she's not a true friend.

Look, for once,
I get to hang out with someone

Who gives me my own problems

Rather than someone
who makes me fix theirs.

Who's that?
Sounds awful.

You! Please don't
ruin this for me!

Follow her!

[ Clicking, growls ]

-[ Screeches ]
-aah!

That'll be bucks.

I'll pay for me
and my friend!

No, no, no, no.
That chicken is so old,

It came before the egg.
Come on, lunch is on me.

Here, help yourself,
jodie.

I know how much
you like free stuff.

Hmm.
Who made these?

Oh, just me and dad.

So, they're
all the same, right?

Of course.

Great, then let's eat.

Oh, wait, you don't
want that one, jodie.

I think dad was running out
of mayo by the time he made it.

Here, have mine.
It's got loads of mayo in it.

Oh, you won't want that then.
It'll be soggy.

Here, let's swap.
I love mayo.

[ Chuckles nervously ]
what?! No!

[ Muffled ]
you hate mayo, remember?

What? Oh -- oh, yes,

Uh, I just remembered,
I hate mayo.

Oh, for derp's sake!
[ Grunting ]

There, now it's fair
for everyone!

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

Uh...

Uh...

-Mmm!
-Mmm!

Dispatcher:
hello. .

[ Gurgling ]
hello?

What do you think
you're doing?!

The only sensible thing --
poison the sandwich

So your so-called friend
gets the message that --

Okay, now that
I said it out loud,

I realize it sounds
kind of wrong.

[ Robotic voice ] we think
it's time for you to go.

Okay, wait, I'm confused.

Are you using
the royal "we" now?

Are you gonna start playing
doubles tennis on your own?

When you go to the bathroom,
are you gonna say...

[ Haughty voice ]
"we're having to wee-wees."

[ Normal voice ]
listen to yourself!

You're not even making
your own decisions anymore!

That's ridiculous.
Of course we're...

[ Robotic voice ]
making our own decisions.

We are still...

Separate people.

-Aah!
-Aah!

Did you see that?!

She's taking control
of your mind!

She's not just
a social parasite!

She's an actual parasite!

You're being...

Ridiculous.

We're...
Leaving.

Uh, but look at it --
just like a leech!

Jodie is just...

Tired from playing
dodgeball.

But are you kidding me?!

She can walk
on her own two feet

Like everyone else
in this school!

Apart from him.
And him.

Okay, and her,
but you get the idea!

What are we gonna do?!

[ Anais' voice ]
I think I have an idea.

[ Normal voice ]
is she alone?

Uh-huh.
[ Dialing ]

[ Cellphone ringing ]

[ Beep ]
hello?

[ Anais' voice ]
hey, jodie,

I think we should
stop hanging out.

I would say it's not you,
it's me,

But I would be lying.
It's definitely you.

You're a scrounging,
blood-sucking parasite.

Also, you smell like medicine,
which is weird,

So I thought I should
mention it. Goodbye!

Actually, you know what?
Bad-bye!

Oh, also, if you see me, can
you tell my brother where I am?

'Cause he's looking for me.

[ Normal voice ] so?

[ Crying ]

I think you went too far.

[ Crying continues ]

Hey, jodie...

Please don't cry.

I-it wasn't really anais
on the phone.

I just thought you were
being a bad friend to her.

[ Distorted grunting ]

Uh, jodie,
do you need a tissue?

Or a bucket?

[ Screams ]

[ Both scream ]

Hey, get off my sister's...
Everything!

Leave us alone!

Darwin:
they're getting away!

[ Clicking, growling ]
anais: ow! Ow!

Kinda.

Hey, look go of my sister,
you parasite!

Both: I'm not a parasite!

Let's throw some scientific
facts at 'em!

Good idea!

A wolverine can k*ll
a moose!

The color of the universe
is a shade of beige

Called cosmic latte!

Male seahorses can --

I meant that we should
throw books!

I said, throw some facts

'Cause it was, like,
a-an action-movie quip.

[ Sighs ] never mind.
Just throw books.

But we'll hit anais.

Just avoid
the pink parts.

-Ow!
-Ow!

-Ow!
-Ow!

-Ow!
-Ow!

-Ow!
-Ow!

This is worse than I thought!

They're even feeling
the same things!

[ Clicking ]

[ Both hiss, grunt ]

There's only
one solution left.

It better not be
throwing a shoe at them!

Why? You got
something better?

We take them
to the infirmary.

Okay,
that is actually better.

I'll set up a trap.
You lure them in.

A humane trap, please.

[ Scoffs ] of course.

[ Distorted grunting ]

[ Both screaming, grunting ]

[ Hisses ]

[ Screaming continues ]

Ohh!

-Ow!
-Ow!

-Ow!
-Ow!

Ow!

[ Crashing, clattering ]

Is that your idea
of humane?!

I thought she would see
the yellow rope, duck,

Slide on the oil,

And get delicately trapped
inside the box.

I-i didn't think
it would...

Well, you know...

That'll be the candle
I put in the box

In case they were scared
of the dark.

At least they're
in the infirmary.

[ Chuckles nervously ]

[ Monitor beeping ]

Nurse, we need a c.t. Scan,
an mri, and an x-ray -- stat!

Right, and I want
a six-figure salary,

A cabriolet,
and a pension plan.

Unfortunately, this is
the school infirmary, not nasa.

All I have here is vitamin "c,"

Some teddy-bear-shaped
band-aids,

And a couple of lollipops.

What's the problem, anyway?

Our sister got infected
by a social parasite!

[ Hisses ]

[ Moans ]

Hmm.

[ Monitor beeping ]

[ Thumping ]

[ Thumping quickens ]

Uh, oh, sorry.
[ Clears throat ]

So, what do we do?

Pretty simple --

Your sister needs to let go
of that poor girl.

she is the parasite.

-What?!
-What?!

All I wanted was
to borrow a pen.

[ Pen clicks ]

[ Raspy ] friend...

[ Raspy ] friend...

[ Spoon clatters ]

[ Raspy ] friend...

I-i-i-i can't accept this.

Friend!

Uh, uh, okay, okay.

[ Sighs ] anais!

I'm sorry. I was really excited,
and I got carried away.

I'll let go of you now.

[ Squishing,
distorted grunting ]

Oh!

[ Horn honks, chicken clucks ]

Hunh!

I hope you can
forgive me.

I-i know I acted crazy,

But it's because I never
had a school friend before.

So I got a little clingy.
I think if...

If you gave me a second chance
and got to know the less insane,

More normal me, we could
actually be real friends.

What do you say?

She went that way.

Friend!

♪

♪

[ Whirring ]

[ Whirring continues ]

-What the?!
-What the?!

Bobert,
what happened?!

Unknown malfunction
detected.

Attempting
self-diagnosis.

What's wrong with
your system?

A virus is parasiting
my hard drive.

File name -- iloveyou.exe.

[ Both sigh ]

Dude, it's not a virus.

You're in love.

[ Whirring ]

Processing information.

[ Bonk! ]
Terminology unrecognized.

Define "love."

Well, love is in the air.

It's in your heart,
in the eyes of others.

It's in the way people touch,
the way people talk,

And it's all over
the universe.

If I understand you
correctly,

You have narrowed
the definition of "love"

Down to everything
and everywhere and everyone.

[ Bonk! ]
Does not compute.

Maybe a song would
help you understand.

Come on, man,
count us in!

A, ...

A, - ...

A, ... - ...

- ...
- - --

Okay, you know what?
Never mind.

[ Both inhale deeply ]

Both:
love. What is love?

Yes, that was my query.

What is love?

Does it fall from above?

♪ Listen, bobert,
to the words we sing ♪

♪ We are love,
and love is everything ♪

Warning --
circular reference detected.

♪ I love my boyfriend

♪ I love my toys

♪ I love my mother

♪ And I love making noise
[ farts ]

♪ I love my television

♪ Darling, I love you

♪ Love is as old as time

♪ And love is always new

♪ Do we love each other?

♪ I guess we sort of do

♪ Love is everywhere,
and love is in you ♪

♪ Love is in the stars

♪ And love is in the trees

♪ Listen, bobert

♪ Are you starting to believe?

♪ Love is invisible

♪ Love has no name

Love is scoring zero
in a tennis game.

♪ Love is all around us

♪ Love fills your heart

Stacked-up error.

Please press "restart".

♪ What is love?

♪ Does it fall from above?

♪ Listen, bobert

♪ You need to learn about

♪ To learn about

♪ To learn about love

♪

[ Chuckles ]

[ Ping! ]

[ Ping! ]

[ Chuckles ]

[ Ping! ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Ping! ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Ping! ]

[ Ping! ]

[ Ping! ]

[ Ping! ]

[ Ping! ]

What the --

I'm the internet!

Aaaaah!

Well, duh. You're on
an internet-dating site.

What did you expect?

Get out of my computer!

Don't tell me what to do!

[ Menacing ] I am legion!
I am everywhere!

You can't control the internet!

No, but I can
control-alt-delete it.

[ Click ]

[ Normal voice ] mooooom!

I got friend-zoned again!

♪

You are the most beautiful thing
on this earth.

Some might say
you're excessive,

But they don't know how glorious
you are on the inside.

Layer after layer
reveals more surprises.

You are precious.
You are beauteous.

You are pure.
You deserve this love.

So, drop your stupid sandwich
and go talk to her!

Karen?

Uh-huh?
[ Splat! ]

Nothin'.

♪

Narrator: love was once
a mysterious force,

Understood only by birds
and bees,

But today, it can be explained
by science.

Love begins with a visual signal
received by the eyes.

This signal goes directly
to the stomach,

Causing what we call in
scientific terms "butterflies."

The signal bounces back, causing
the body to go into shock.

[ Alarm blaring ]

The body then experiences
a rise in temperature,

Causing the palms of the hands
to perspire.

The shock extends to
the lower parts of the body,

Causing a symptom known
as jelly legs.

Finally,
the signal reaches the brain

And significantly reduces
any form of cognitive ability.

[ Both murmuring ]

-Aah!
-Aah!

Oh. Oh, well,
scratch that.

There are no rules to love,
so let's just dance.

[ Dance music plays ]

♪

[ Heart beats loudly ]

[ Inhales sharply ]

[ Inhales sharply ]

Mm.

[ Inhales sharply ]

[ Inhales sharply ]

-Mmm.
-Mmm.

♪

[ Birds chirping ]

Oh, hey. [ Giggles ]
how you doing?

Oh, hey, there.
I'm good.

Lookin' hot.
[ Chuckles ]

Heh, yeah,
I get that a lot.

You know, I was thinking,
maybe we could...

[ Sighs ]
[ mockingly ] "lookin' hot?"

That's like asking saturn
to give me a ring.

[ Mockingly ]
"well done, moon."

Hey.

[ Normal voice ] oh.
[ Chuckles nervously ]

Hey, listen...
About last night...

What, that "hot" thing?
Ah, forget it.

It made my day.

Get it?
"Made my day."

[ Chuckles ]

[ Sighs ]

Oh, hey, hey.
Oh, hi.

Uh, say, h-have you
lost weight?

Oh, what, this?
No, it's just,

If I stand in the shadow
of the earth,

It's kind of slimming.
Look, skinny...chubby!

[ Laughing ]
skinny! Chubby!

Oh, hey, uh, I was wondering
if you wanted to, you know,

Come hang out on this side.

Ah, yeah-huh!

Man: sacre bleu!!
[ People screaming ]

Whoops!
[ Chuckles nervously ]

I just flooded europe.

It's okay.
I've got a better game.

Peekaboo!
[ Laughing ]

[ Laughing ]

Peekaboo!
Peekaboo!

Peekaboo!
Oh, that's good!

[ Sighs ]
peekaboo!

♪

Ah-ah-choo!

[ Smack! ]

♪

[ Smack! ]

♪

[ Splash! ]

[ Crash! ]

♪

[ Electricity crackles ]

♪

♪

You love divine
this evening, darling.

Thank you, sweetheart.
A toast to our love.

[ Both laugh ]

Ah.

Yeah, oh.

[ Both laugh ]

Uh, what did you order?

Soup du jour.
And you?

Spaghetti and meatballs.
Would you care to try some?

[ Grunting ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Sighs ]

Mmm, delicious.
Try some of mine.

[ Grunting ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Glass clatters ]

Mmm, delicious.

[ Both laugh ]

Mm, mm.

This is the most romantic night
of my life.

Mmm.

[ Smooching ]
mmm.

Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.

Mmm-mmm.

[ Both smacking lips ]

Dessert, sir?

Uh, just the check,
please.

♪

[ Sighs ]

[ Crash! ]
Unh!

♪

[ Crying ]

[ Crying continues ]

[ Crying stops ]

[ Chattering ]

[ Thud! ]

[ Siren wailing ]

[ Bars clang ]

[ Women vocalizing ]

[ Crash! ]

[ Monitor beeping ]

♪

[ Women vocalizing ]

Gumball: so, bobert,
what have we learned about love?

♪ What is love?

♪ It's what we all dream of

♪ Tell us, bobert

♪ What have you learned
about love? ♪

♪ Anyone can love

♪ No love is wrong

♪ I have now become
a lovesick dreamer ♪

♪ I fell in love with
this old vacuum cleaner ♪

[ Inhales sharply ]

-Eh.
-Eh.

♪