02x14 & 02x16 - The Bet/The Watch

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

[Richard] This watch has been
at the center of a feud between

the Watterson and Finkelheimer families
for centuries.

It was found by your great-great-great-
great-grandfather, Bucktooth Watterson,

who lost it to an evil man
called One-Legged Finkelheimer

in a jig contest.

However, Bucktooth's son,

your great-great-
great-great-grandfather...

...but then Ebenezer Finkelheimer took it,

even though he had never slapped
a peacock in his entire life...

...all that time, the watch was hidden
inside Louie Finkelheimer's girdle.

Then, when my dad finally
retrieved the watch

after a good-old yodeling contest,
he gave it to me.

And now, little man,
I give the watch to you.

[Gumball] I hate it!

This watch is wonder weak.
It doesn't even tell the time.

What the derp is "V" past "X"
supposed to mean?

Wait, did you get that from Dad?

-How'd you know?
-He offered it to me first.

He told me this really long, boring story

full of people
I didn't care about, and I said,

"No, I don't want
no busted-up cowboy junk."

Do you mind holding this for a second?
I need to tie my shoelace.

Sure.

Wait. You don't have any shoes.

He who holds it owns it.

[grunts]

OK, OK, I'll keep it,
but on one condition.

If at any point,
Dad offers us a better present,

I get dibs.

-Deal?
-Deal.

Now check your hand.

What, this one?

Or this one?

Now check yours.

What?

Double what?

[Darwin] I gave it to an old man.

-What?
-I said, "I gave it to an old man!"

Shh! I heard you the first time.

It's just that you don't give away
a family heirloom to some random guy!

But I thought you were trying
to get rid of it.

[sighs] What's Dad gonna say now?

Is he gonna cry?
'Cause if he's gonna cry, I'll cry.

Oh, don't cry, bubble cheeks.
It's my fault, as well.

[whispering]
So, since it's obviously your fault,

you're gonna get it back, right?

[whispering] Well, I would've if you
hadn't been a total slack-jawed goober

and gave it to him.

But none of this
would have happened if you

hadn't been such an ungrateful jerk
in the first place.

-You do it.
-No, you do it.

No, you do it.

[Richard whispering]
What are you guys talking about?

Uh, how much we like the watch?

I love you guys.

I'd be more than happy
to give this watch back

if it belonged to you,
but my name is Marvin Finkelheimer,

and this watch belongs
to the Finkelheimer family.

Dude, did you really have
to give it to a Finkelheimer?

Huh! Call that poetic justice.

Can you really turn down
a helpless, crying child?

You're not crying.

[straining]

Dude, are you trying to cry or lay an egg?

Get off my lawn.

[school bell rings]

[Darwin] What are we gonna do?

Well, we just have to agree to never speak
about that watch again.

But I feel so guilty.

Then we shall deal with our emotions
like grown-ups,

push them down deep inside ourselves
and ignore them for the rest of our lives.

Hey, what was that?

It's the guilt!

I have a massive knot in my stomach,
and my body just won't let me eat!

-We have to get that watch back somehow.
-For the last time,

there's nothing in this world
that I'd want to trade for this watch.

Hmm.

What about the one thing man
has desired since the dawn of time?

What about the one thing a man
at the dusk of his life craves

for more than anything else?

What about the secret
that has eluded every scientist,

alchemist, and adventurer of this world?

What about eternal youth?

Youth, youth, youth, youth.

-I'm listening.
-Don't have it.

-But how about a girlfriend?
-Deal.

We might need to make you
look a little younger.

So, Marvin, how long have
you been so surprised?

[grunting]

Check, please.

It's not our fault you weren't compatible!

It is your fault for giving me
that back-alley face-lift!

It was either that
or a bag over your head.

Her advert said no one over .

And I'm sorry, dude, but you kind
of look like a microwaved toad.

Get out of here! I'm keeping the watch!

I wish it didn't have
to come to this, Marvin.

Huh? What are you doing?

I'm gonna b*at myself senseless,
call the cops,

-and accuse you of doing it.
-Huh!

I think you're a bit too lily-livered
for that, son.

I don't know what that means,
but I'm gonna prove it wrong.

OK, I can't remember why I'm angry at you,

so I'm gonna go.

Is he talking to me now?

No, dude, I'm talking to you.

OK, I'm gonna walk you home now.

I can walk home by myself.

I'm perfectly capable of putting
one foot in front of the other

without your help.

[sighs] I don't have the heart to tell him
he's going the wrong way.

[gasps]

I can't hide like this anymore.

We're just gonna have
to tell Dad the truth.

Oh, sure, great plan.

So, how do you want to do it?

You could start by rejecting his love
while I sucker-punch him

with the lack of respect that we have
for his entire family heritage.

Or, if you'd prefer,

I'll just rip out his heart
while you tear his soul in half.

Get out of your box.
You just gave me an idea.

[doorbell rings]

[distorted voice]
I've come for you, Marvin.

[gasps]

What have we done?

You said he'd just bargain
for his life with the watch,

but instead,
he's gone the way of the dodo.

Just give him CPR.

[inhales deeply]

What the-- Do it properly, man.

I'm not touching his mouth.

It looks like the end
of an elephant's trunk.

OK, hold on.

Move aside.

Come on, Marvin, don't go into the light.

No, wait.

He's been breathing all this time.

Shh!

-I'm keeping the watch!
-[Gumball screaming]

It belongs to my family, not yours!

Look, sir, I shouldn't have
given that watch to Darwin,

and he shouldn't have given it to you.

So, now I'm begging you 'cause all I care
about is that my dad gave it to me.

It'll break his heart
when I tell him I've lost it.

Me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me.

[video game sounds]

Hey, Mr. Dad, you look great.
Have you lost weight?

Mmm, let me check.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

No, same as always.

Wait a minute.

-What have you done wrong?
-What?

What gave it away?

That's what I always ask your mother
before I confess something terrible.

I was just messing with Darwin,
and I gave the watch to him.

And then I gave it to Marvin,

and then we tried to get it back,
but he wouldn't give it back.

[all crying]

What are you talking about?

The watch!

What? That weird Roman compass thing?

-No one cares about that.
-Really?

Yeah, I just wanted to get rid of it.

I even tried to give it to Anais
before giving it to Darwin.

Just tell Marvin he can keep it.

[doorbell rings]

Hey, Marvin.

-Listen, I just--
-Let me stop you there.

I've been thinking.

I only wanted this watch
'cause my father wanted it all his life,

and by keeping it,

I'm sentencing you to the same punishment.

So, please, take it.

Let me stop you there.

We just found out
that our dad doesn't care,

so you can keep it.

No, I want you to have it.

Check your hands. You keep it.

Hmm. Check behind your ear. You keep it.

Now check inside your pants.

But I don't wear any--

OK, kid. How about this?

I'll keep it for now,
but it's still yours.

You can get it back anytime you like.

-Deal?
-Deal.

This table is worth about $ , .

Oh, my!

However, this coffee stain
brings the value down to about $ .

Now, this pocket watch
is a very special piece.

Only two were ever made,
and I'd say it's worth approximately $ .

-[gasps]
-[all gasp]

So, if you're lucky enough to have
the other one of these rare timepieces,

I suggest you cash it in right away.

No! We're never gonna get him!

I don't know. We can probably catch up
with him if we jog.

No! We're never gonna get him!

Wait, I've got an idea.

Can we borrow your scooter, sir?

Sure, but you're going
to have to fight me for it.

[grunting]

[huffing and puffing]

Just take it.

We'll never catch him!

Don't worry! I have an idea!

What the-- Hey!
What do you think you're doing?

Whoa!

Give me back the watch,
you prune-faced pincher!

Get your sausage fingers out of my face!

[grunting]

It's all gummy and lukewarm!

[laughing]

You said we could have it back
anytime we want.

-You can have it right now.
-Really?

For $ !

[Darwin and Gumball screaming]

What are you doing
carrying glass through a park?

What are you doing ramming

into an octogenarian
in a battery-powered wheelchair?

Yeah, fair point.

Seven hundred dollars.

I can finally afford
to pay off my credit-card bills.

Or maybe I'll buy those gold dentures
I've seen in hip-hop videos.

I'll tell you what you need to buy.

Bandages!

[Richard moans]

I'll mail them to you.

[laughing]

This isn't over, Marvin!

[Marvin] The watch!

Forget it, Watterson!

The watch is mine,
and therefore, the money is mine!

It was never yours, and it will never be,
Marvin Finkelheimer!

[grunting]

Are we actually gonna
risk our lives for $ ?

Let's bail.

Fair point.

Get out of the way! It's going to explode!

[low clang]

Hey, that's great.

Now we can sell the watch and split the...

[Darwin] I still maintain

that you wouldn't be able to defeat Dad
in an eating contest.

OK, OK, you win! Let me out!

Your turn.
I bet you can't kiss your own tail.

Challenge accepted.

[grunting]

[Gumball laughing]

Dude, you look like a wiener
with a botched face-lift.

OK, you lost.
You're my sl*ve for the day now.

What? No way, man.

Double or quits.

I bet you can't pluck that flower
with your butt

and carry it across the playground.

[Gumball] Mm-hmm.

Wait, no!

I bet I can jump through my own leg.

Triple or quits!

Quadruple or quits!

What's the next-uple after that?

[Bobert] Quintuple.

Why are you repeatedly jumping
on your face?

Because it's fun.

Define "fun."

Oh, you know,
like hanging out with friends,

gawking at girls,
and playing games like this one.

Computing friends, girls, games.

Result, zero.

[both shudder]

Can I join your game?

Of course you can.

OK, we're playing bets,

and the loser's the winner's servant
for hours.

But your chances of b*ating
a robotic unit in any task

is . %.

Really?

Well, I bet you can't say
"the alphabet" faster than me.

Challenge accepted.

A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O...

The alphabet.

Recomputing question.

Trick detected.

Failure acknowledged.

Sorry, man. You lose.

Switching hard drive to sl*ve mode.

Awaiting command.

Dude, we have our own
super-high-tech robot for hours.

We could use his power
for the good of mankind.

We could save dolphins.

And stop global warming.

And bring peace to the world.

There's so much good we can do.

Do you have anything for this?

Well, I, uh, I'm not a mechanic, but, uh,
how long has this been going on for?

Ever since I fell in love with your mom.

I thought you wanted
to do good for mankind.

Yeah, but this is more fun.

[Joan] Now make out
with the defibrillator!

Oh, no! What are you doing?

-[electricity zapping]
-What the--

Watterson.

[Gumball] This is a violation
of the First Amendment!

Preventing you
from breaking medical equipment

and making jokes about the nurse's mother

is not a violation
of your freedom of speech.

As punishment,
you will mow the stadium field

during your lunch break.
Now get out of here.

I wish that guy would just get lost.

[beeps]
I wish that guy would just get lost.

[animal howling]

[birds calling]

[exclaiming]

Where am I?

Bobert, a bit more on the left.

-I don't think that's right.
-I know.

Principal Brown
has no sense of humor, man.

I'm talking
about the way you treat Bobert.

Well, I'm sorry,
but he's the one who asked to play.

Careful with those edges, dude!

Besides, I didn't make the rules.

Yeah, you did.

You know Bobert's not normal.

His life is so sad. We should help him.

[Gumball] Sure, whatever.

[Bobert] Task complete.

A bit more hair on the horse's tail.

Perfect.

Bobert, we're going
to find you a girlfriend.

What? Why?

Because his life is pathetic
and he needs some love.

Now, walk up to Tina.

She's desperate, and you are...

available?

But I don't know how to talk to girls.

And he's probably not
gonna appreciate switching

out of sl*ve mode to find he's married
to some Jurassic meat sack.

What am I talking about?
This is the funniest idea ever.

[Bobert] Hey, baby girl.

This might come as a shock...

But I can see there's
an energy inside you.

But I can see
there's an energy inside you.

In fact, if we got...

Together, sparks would fly.

It would be...

Electric.

Whoa.

No one's ever spoken to me
with such poetry before.

-I'm...
-Not talking to you.

I'm talking to the fuse box.

[growling]

I'm sorry. I just couldn't help it.

They kept talking
about all that electric stuff,

and the fuse box was there.

[Tina growls]

[Gumball chuckles awkwardly]

[Darwin]
I can't believe you did that to Bobert.

All of this because of your stupid game.

[shushing]

-Dude, whisper.
-I am whispering!

No, you're just doing a whispery voice.
If anything, it's louder than normal.

Look, if you want to make Bobert happy,

you treat him like a normal kid,
not a charity case.

Go tell that to his head.

Well, I patched him up as best I can,

but for the last time, I'm a nurse,
I'm not a mechanic.

Well, I'm not a florist or a meteorologist
or some kind of freak-show owner,

but you don't see me complaining, do you?

Hmph.

Bobert, would you rather
have an awesome friend

or a patronizing fairy godmother?

I'm not a fairy godmother!

[Lucy] Get out of here!

Can't you see I'm on my break?

Dude, she's even more upset than you are.
She seriously needs to chill out.

-[beeps]
-She seriously needs to chill out.

Fetch!

Hmm. All right, smarty-pants.
No arms this time.

Fetch!

So, this is treating him
like a normal kid, huh?

A normal kid
who lost his bet fair and square.

Do you think
I wouldn't do the same to you?

This time, no feet. Fetch!

I guess you would, but still,
this is no way to treat a, uh...

Go on, say it.

-A challenged person?
-No.

You think you're better than him?

It took you five years
to learn facial expressions,

and there are still some you don't know.

[grunting] What's this one?

You're making it difficult on purpose!

Don't worry. I made this one up.

But that's my point. Bobert has to learn.
He's a pretty sharp kid, you know.

Don't let the dog get it!

[dog barking]

[screaming]

You're lucky
I'm a licensed rollerblader, OK?

If I hadn't been able
to perform a safe roll,

you could have lost a friend.

Blades for life.

You be careful now.

This world needs less rollerbladers, man.

[buttons activating]

[Steve groaning]

[Steve] I'm OK!

Hey, Darwin, check this out.

Bobert, divide by zero.

[stuttering]

See, that's the problem here.

Any other kid, normal or not,

would have some limits,
but a robot just doesn't.

It's unfair to do that to him.

Why are you so uptight about this?

I don't see anyone else
having a problem with it.

That's because no one else is here.

Where is everybody?

Hey, what are you still doing here?

School's canceled today.
There's no teachers.

No teachers?

Get out of here.

[beeping]

Uh, what just happened here?

Following command.

Dude, I never asked you
to throw him out the window.

I said, "Get out of here."

What the droid?

See? I told you.

A robot's got no limits or common sense.

This can only go bad.

Oh, come on. As long as I don't say,
"Bobert, terminate Gumball,"

or whatever, it's fine.

[beeping]

Put an end to it!

No. Ow!

OK.

Bobert, you don't take orders
from anyone now, all right?

What the--

-What's your problem, man?
-Following command.

Bobert, terminate Gumball.

Oh, yeah. Delete that from your memory.

Command denied.

Bobert, you don't take orders
from anyone now, all right?

Commence termination.

-[alarm beeping]
-[screaming]

Why am I running?
It's you he's trying to terminate.

Because you wanted
to hear me say I was wrong.

You know me well, don't you?

[both screaming]

[coughing]

Wait! I have an idea.

[Darwin crying]

Look at what you've done.

He was all I had.

Come on, come on, come on, take the bait.

I'm sorry, Watterson.

I know this isn't appropriate,
but I just need to warm up.

Get off! Get off! Get off!

Wait! I'm so cold!

That's better.

Oh, thank goodness. You need to help me.

Bobert's gone crazy.

-Here you go.
-What's that?

Tech-support hotline.

I am not a mechanic.

[Bobert approaching]

[screams]

Thanks!

[man] Good afternoon, and thank you
for calling our technical support.

Yes, hi, I have a problem--

To book an appointment
with one of our technicians, press one.

To check on an order--

Dagnabbit, you stupid answering machine!

If I wanted to talk to--

No need to be rude, sir.

If you did this job all day,

you, too, would end up
talking like a machine.

Watch out!

[screaming]

-What are you doing?
-Getting my change.

Just get out of here!

I'm sorry, Gumball,
I can't slow him down any longer.

My belly's too chafed.

Oh, wait, never mind.

He's still going at exactly the same pace.

Come on, come on. How do you stop a robot?

I thought books
were supposed to be useful.

Hmm.

[Gumball grunting]

Darwin, I got him!

You got me, too.

-Are you OK?
-I'm fine...

Apart from the fact that
none of this would have happened

if it wasn't for this stupid game!

It's not my fault.

He wanted to be treated like a normal kid,

so I treated him like one
because that's what he is.

Aren't you, Bobert?

Initiating countdown.

Oh, great, he's gonna self-destruct.

-Even when I'm right, I'm wrong.
-Ten...

Please tell me that's minutes
and not seconds.

Get me out of here!

...nine...

[grunting]

eight...

Dude, I've got a plan.
It involves me running out that door.

The problem is only one of us survives.

What? You got a better idea?

-...seven...
-Defuse him!

What? Like, water him down?

No, not dilute. Defuse, like a b*mb!

-...six...
-Hmm.

Do you have one of those tiny,
tiny screwdrivers?

No?

Oh, well.

...five...

Who would have thought that
it would all end like this, huh?

There's still five seconds
to do something!

...four...

What are you doing?

I'm waiting until he gets
to three so I get that

super strength you get
in life-threatening situations.

-...three...
-[grunting]

-Not gonna happen.
-...two...

So, I guess it's time
for some good last words, huh?

...one...

[sighs]

...zero.

Twenty-four hours completed.

sl*ve mode deactivated.

[both sighing]

-Want to play another game?
-Uh...

Yeah, all right.

[theme music playing]