02x22 & 02x25 - The Hero/The Photo

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

What happened to you?
You look like a Florida grandma.

This, my ignorant friend, is a suntan.
My dad just took me skiing.

You've probably never heard of it.
It's what rich people do.

My dad is rich
in vitamin B and potassium.

He's also a good source of fiber.

-Well, my dad can b*at rock.
-[Hector] Well, that's nothin'.

My dad's so big that three mountain
climbers got lost in his belly button.

-What's your dad good at?
-[gasps]

Hmm.

What's our dad good at?
He's good at being nice.

No. More like a skill.

Is sweating without moving a skill?

[all laughing]

How about... putting on weight?
He's awesome at that.

[all laughing]

He must be good at something.

I guess he's only good
at being embarrassing.

[all laughing]

Yeah. Uh, like that time at the mall.

[hip-hop music playing]

♪ Oh! Oh, oh! Uh-oh! Oh! ♪

♪ Oh! Oh, oh! Uh-oh! Oh! ♪

Mother, I feel so sorry
for this man's children.

Oh, don't worry, honey. It's very unlikely
anyone like that would have children.

[both laugh]

Yeah. Or the time he came to school
to talk about his job.

♪ Oh! Oh, oh! Uh-oh! ♪

And you'd expect someone who eats
that much to be better at cooking.

[muffled] Yeah, I chipped a tooth
on one of his cupcakes.

Hah! What's he doing,
using cement instead of flour?

[all laugh]

[thud]

[crying]

Hey, Ma. What's for dinner?

[Nicole] Chicken and fries.

Hmm. Does this look
a little underdone to you?

I think there's something wrong
with my fries, too.

Can we just skip to dessert?

-[both] Aah!
-What is wrong with you?

You know very well what's wrong!

What's going on? Why is dinner raw?

You know very well why dinner is raw!

[whispers] I'm just gonna try something.
[inhales sharply]

We're both very sorry for what we've done.

-So you don't know what you've done!
-[both] No!

Then how can you apologize
for something you don't even know about?

I don't know!

Look, Dad overheard
what you said in the playground.

Oh.

That!

And he's been hiding in the shed
ever since.

Well, at least
he can't embarrass us in there.

-Incoming!
-[crash]

Look, I'd happily apologize to Dad...
if what we said wasn't the truth!

Right. That's it.
You clearly don't appreciate your parents,

so until you apologize to your father,
we won't be doing anything else for you.

Let's see how long you last.

Challenge accepted.

[crunches]

[crunches]

-[Nicole] I paid for that potato.
-[spits]

I wasn't hungry anyway.

[pounds on door]

Anais! Come on!
You've been in there forever!

Oh. I'm sorry. But, as Mom pays the water
bill, and you two are insensitive brats,

I think you'll need to shower
somewhere else.

[mockingly]
"As Mom pays the water bill,

I think you should shower somewhere else."

You can say what you like,
but you're not going to annoy me!

"You can say what you like,
but you're not going--" Aah!

-My nose!
-[Anais, mockingly] "Ow! My dose!"

[growls, chuckles]

[nasally] Who's the loser now?
We got soap. All we need is water.

Dude, I think I'm starting
to regret this challenge.

It's coming!

[truck horn blares]

Ugh.

-I think I should have closed my mou--
-[truck horn blares]

I can't believe we got all this stuff
for a dollar!

Thank you, clearance aisle.

Well, you heard what Larry said.

We got to eat this stuff
before it goes past its expiration date.

Oh, young Darwin, you're so gullible.

Food doesn't have a sell-by date.

That's just what the corporations
want you to think

so you buy more oil and believe
in moon landings, like the sheep you are.

Take this banana.

According to your "sell-by date,"
it should go bad today,

but as you can see, it's absolutely fine.

-[crackles, withers]
-[spits]

Dude, we need to eat this food real quick.

[both] Aaah!

-[chirping]
-Aah!

-[chirping]
-Aah!

Dah!

-[crackle]
-[flies buzzing]

[both scream]

Well, this is all we have left.

Things don't go off in cans, right?

What do you think is in it?

Please, let it be peaches in syrup.

I hope it's hot dogs.

As long as it's edible, I don't care.

[splat]

Aww.

Poor little thing.

-[hisses]
-[both scream]

Get it!

Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!

[crying]

[buzzing]

So, you ready to apologize now?

Nope.

[Rocky] Uh, boys?

I'm gonna have to ask you
to get off the bus.

Why?

'Cause the suspension
can't take it anymore.

OK, I guess I'm ready now.

Ugh. I can't believe we're apologizing.

I don't care.
I'm not eating canned rats again.

[hammering]

[sighs]

[grunting]

I'm sorry. I know I said I would...

[laughing] I can't do this.

[continues laughing]

♪ I remember when you were still little ♪

♪ My little ones ♪

♪ I was the giant who picked you up
When you fell down ♪

♪ And life was just one funny riddle ♪

♪ My little ones ♪

♪ We laughed every day
As the world went around ♪

♪ I was the hero ♪

♪ Who taught you how to talk ♪

♪ I was the hero ♪

♪ Who taught you how to walk ♪

♪ And now you're no longer so little ♪

♪ My little ones ♪

♪ You see so much more than
I ever will see ♪

♪ And though I'm just Dad and not a hero ♪

♪ My little ones ♪

♪ Being just Dad's good enough for me ♪

[sobbing]

I understand everything now.

No, I don't. Yes, I do!

No, I don't. What'd he say, again?

"Little one, I was the hero
who taught you to walk

I was the hero who taught you to talk."

Hero! That's it! I need to
make him feel like a hero again!

[thunder rumbles]

OK, so, where's the surprise?

He should be here any minute.

"He"? I thought there
was gonna be a cake or something.

The surprise is gonna be
better than a cake.

I'm giving you reconciliation
with your father.

[sighs] Man. I should have known
it was something lame like that.

Nobody invites people
to eat cake in a junkyard.

-Go on. Tell me your plan, then.
-It's simple.

We get picked up by that magnet
and get dropped into that cruncher.

-[thunder crashes]
-What? Are you insane?

And I've called Dad to come and rescue us.

What? Are you insane?

Don't worry. I can stop it
at any time with this remote.

Oh! I thought you were relying
on Dad there for a minute. [chuckles]

-All right. Let's get started.
-[click]

[both grunting]

Oh, great job! What are we gonna do now?

It's OK! There's Dad now!

He can stop it from that control box!

[Richard] I'm coming to save you!

-Here we go. We're doomed.
-Don't worry! Have some faith in him!

-Boys! Where are you?
-Up here!

How am I supposed to get up there?

Oh, I don't know.

How 'bout you get us down
using that ladder right there?

Oh. Yeah. OK.

-Aah!
-[clank]

Wow! Really thought that one through,
didn't ya?

Oh.

What is wrong with you?

Don't you know people have feelings?
He's trying to help us!

Well, great job he's doing so far.

You are so insensitive!

Would it really hurt you to encourage him
once in a while?

You can encourage a clam to read
all you want,

but that's not going to
get it into college.

People have limits,
and Dad reached his own a long time ago.

Don't worry, kids! I have an idea!

[powering down]

[both screaming]

Aah! Ooh!

[both] Ow!

I'm sorry! Aah!

Aah!

That's what I meant to do!

Great job, Mr. Dad!

Thank you!

-Aah!
-[gasps]

[whimpering]

Yeah, great job.

Do you want us to save you
before you save us?

[grunting]

-[whirring]
-Ow!

Saving us in style, huh?

[both scream]

-Aah!
-[both] Dad! No!

[sobs]

He's gone.

And I was laughing at him.

Why didn't I tell him that,
in spite of everything,

I was proud, Darwin? I was proud of him!

If he were still here, I would tell him!

If he was still here-- Oh, you're here.

So, what's your plan to get us down, huh?

-Uh...
-Typical.

[smacks lips, sighs]

[all scream]

Ow!

-[Darwin screams]
-Ooh.

[pained voice] You could have tried
to land on the mattress.

-Wait a minute. Where's Gumball?
-[Gumball] Help!

[whimpers]

Son! You can do it!

[whimpers]

I can't do this!

Gumball, you have to get up!

[whimpers]

I... I can't!

Come on, son! You can do it!

[echoes] ...do it!

I'm coming, Dad! Don't let me down!

I won't!

Jump!

Please stop crying, Dad.
You'll always be my hero.

It's not that.

It's just you're digging your claws
into my nipple!

Why are you crying, buddy?

Because I love hugs!

Come here!

Aww. I'm glad you guys made up.

Come on. Dinner's ready.

[techno music plays]

[camera shutter clicking]

[sobbing]

Come on. We've been here all morning.

-Yeah, hurry up!
-Come on!

Hey, take it easy, little guy.

You're putting too much
pressure on yourself.

[Gumball] Is it really too much to ask

to have a decent school photo
once in my life?

Come on. It can't be that bad.

[snickers]

[inhales] Have you ever tried Shotofop?

I've tried everything!

[Gumball continues sobbing]

The only solution was to
airbrush my whole face out.

[panting] Get out of the way!
I can't hold this much longer!

I've been holding this pose
since breakfast!

[grunts, gasps]

Uh. It's OK. I'll just turn this way.

[gasps]

Let's just do a headshot.

Just take the photo! Take the photo!

-[grunts]
-[camera shutter clicking]

[groans] You'll pay for this,
Gumball Watterson!

[grumbling]

Please, Mr. Small.
I can't be remembered this way.

[muffled] Just give me one more chance!

I'm sorry, but...
I got to return the camera at : .

-[continues sobbing]
-[sighs]

Oh, all righty.

Just come back at : .
I'll take one last picture,

and that's it. OK?

You're a good man.

Next.

I'm not paying for that.

[whoosh]

[Tobias] Man, I look good.

[laughs]

[Darwin] You know what the real problem is
with these?

That I look like I should speak like this?

No. The problem is, you need to learn
to accept yourself for who you are.

That's easy for you to say,
with your perfect face.

It's not that perfect.
All you can see is my mole.

Dude, even your mole
looks better on-camera than me.

Real beauty comes from within.
You should--

-[Gumball blows air]
-What-- What are you doing?

It's bad enough...

that you're a million times
prettier than I am.

I don't need you to rub in my face...

how mature and deep you are!

It's OK. I understand.

[inhales deeply, blows]

I can't stand that guy.

He's right, though. Look inside yourself,
and you'll see how beautiful you are.

All I can see is brains, guts,
and some of today's breakfast.

Yeah, I know.

I was lying so you wouldn't be whining
about your school photo all day.

Just deal with it. You're not photogenic,
and there's nothing you can do about it.

[Gumball grunts]

I don't see how
this is gonna make you look any better.

[muffled] Because your face is a muscle,

the more you train it,
the more awesome it looks.

[straining] OK. I think that's enough.

Mm-mm.

Check this out.

[breathing deeply]

[straining]

Wow.

The most important thing
is to smile with your eyes.

That makes absolutely no sense.

Just tell me if I'm doing it right.

[straining]

Yeah. Yeah, that's a lot better now.

Good.

This is horrific, isn't it?

-Mm-mm.
-[sobbing]

Are you crying or dribbling?

I don't know anymore!

-Dude, what are you doing?
-Getting a tan.

I think you're making too much
of a big deal out of this photo thing.

Are you kidding? My life's plan was built
around me being good-looking!

Didn't you want to be a doctor?

No. I wanted to be a handsome doctor.
Or... maybe a lifeguard.

You don't need to be handsome
to be a lifeguard.

Are you serious? If you were drowning

and this came to the rescue,
you'd swim downward!

[screams]

Leave it! I burn, I peel, then it's tan.

Look, if that photo's so important to you,

why don't you just ask somebody
for some beauty tips?

Like who?

Well, the guy who always
looks good in photos.

All right, tell me your secret.

[sighs] OK. I anonymously
donate all my allowance to charity.

But I don't want anyone to know
because it's not about me,

it's about the cause.

Ugh! You're so nice, it's disgusting.
I didn't mean that secret!

Tell me why you look perfect
in every photo.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, really? Well, I can understand

how you look awesome
in a staged school photo

with a nice background
and flattering lighting,

but how do you explain this?

This is you after you've run a marathon,
in -degree heat, with the flu!

Hey, the real winner there
was the photographer.

Oh, yeah?
Then how do you explain this one?

-How did you get that?
-Doesn't matter.

Now, stop holding out on me
and tell me how to take the perfect photo!

I just look at the camera and smile.

[sighs] Now, listen here,
you no-good lying hunk,

if you don't tell me your secret,
I'll have no choice

but to buy you a one-way ticket
to pain town.

Gumball, there is no secret.

[sighs] You made me do this.

-[whump, whump]
-Aah. Ow.

Darn it!

Face me like a man!

-[whump, whump]
-Aah. Aah.

Uh, are you done?
Because I'm late for math.

Fine. We'll call it a tie.

Oh, man! I'm never gonna get a decent
photo! My face looks like a dropped cake.

It's not so bad. Maybe we can just...

Uh...

Oh!

Mm, let me just, uh...

Whoa! Your face is surprisingly malleable.

Check this out. Hamburger! [laughs]

-Dude!
-[laughs]

Wait, wait, wait.

Mustache!

[continues laughing]

Oh.

Infinite mustache!

[Darwin laughing]

-You're not helping right now.
-Sorry, man.

At least you know if handsome doctor
doesn't work out,

you can get a job as a test dummy
for a cosmetic surgeon.

Hmm.

[Darwin] OK... And I think we're done.

How does it look?

Now, I'm going to show you in a minute,
but before I do, just remember,

I am not a professional plastic surgeon.

Yeah, yeah. That's fine.
Just show me the mirror.

And... And I... didn't ask you
for any money, either,

when a specialist would have billed you
for thousands of dollars.

-Just show me!
-OK.

But keep in mind
that this is what you asked for.

Uh, I look... awesome!

-[school bell rings]
-[both scream]

[both] We got to get to the gym!

Wait, that's the : bell.
We've got another hour.

Really? That's never happened before.

Hmm.

Dude, things never go this right for us.

Something terrible's
gonna happen, isn't it?

Someone's gonna ruin my chance
to get a good photo.

-I can feel it.
-But who would want to do that?

[Banana Joe grunts]

You will pay for this humiliation,
Gumball Watterson.

[grunting]

Unh.

[grunts]

[exhales slowly]

Yes!

Uh, paper goes in the recycling bin.

[grunts] Recycle this!

[gags]

Well, I don't know who'd want to
ruin my photo, but that's the problem.

If I can't think of anybody,
it could be... everybody.

[indistinct chatter]

I'm scared, dude. Aren't you?

Terrified. But my face can't express it.

-OK, I think we're safe.
-[Tobias] Aah. Watch out!

There's some kind of hobgoblin freak
right next to you!

-What? Where?
-I wouldn't worry about it, dude.

-Run! It's hideous!
-[Gumball] Aah.

What's he talking about? Where is it?

Trust me, man, you're fine.

Wait a minute.
He thinks you're the hobgoblin.

Sure. I'm the hobgoblin.

[laughing]

-[clang]
-Aah, aah.

[whimpering]

Why am I feeling so tense?

-It's that noise.
-What noise?

The one they use in horror films to show
something terrible's coming your way.

[roar in distance]

Like that!

-[both panting]
-Quick! It's Tina!

[chanting]

[electricity buzzing]

What's going on with the lights?

I don't know! Just keep running!

[Darwin panting]

Where is she?

-[whirring]
-[panting]

[Tina grunting]

Come on, Tina.

You have to be more flexible than that
if you want to join the team.

Hmm. That was a bit anticlimactic.

Yeah.
What's going on with the lights, though?

Night! Day! Night! Day!

Night! Day!

Ah-ha!

Well, I'm starting to think there's
nothing to ruin my photo after all.

[inhaling, exhaling]

Blblbl.

[chuckles] I really don't know what we
were worried about. It's just a photo.

[both gasp]

Here we go. This is it. Look at him.

Come and get us.
All smiles hiding his fury.

Yeah. He'd definitely want to get even
because I whupped his butt earlier.

He's gonna do something.

But what? What?

[both whimpering]

How do you defend yourself
from the unknown?

[Darwin] With a preemptive strike.

-Hyah!
-[pop]

I am so sorry.

We completely overreacted there.
I just thought you were gonna stop me--

Shh. It's OK. I understand.
It was an accident.

Well, not really. I kind of went for it.

Could you please flip over
that bit of rubber next to your foot?

Uh, sure. Why?

Because I'm turning the other cheek.

[gagging]

Dude, you're so nice,
it's actually sickening.

Well, now we know that no one is after us,
and we're minutes early for your photo.

[Gumball] Nothing can stop us now.

Gumball Watterson! Where are you?
Come and fight me like a man!

[swishing]

[grunting]

I know, right? For the first time
in my life, I'm actually early.

OK, let's do this.

Right. And you're sure you're happy
with your weird face?

Because this is the last photo
I'm taking of you.

[gasps] Ready when you are.

OK, then. On "three." One, two...

-[sneezes]
-[camera shutter clicks]

[theme music playing]