01x08 - Easter

[bunniefuu]

Margie.

Come on, come on. Yeah.

Come on, that's a good girl. What a good girl that is.

Morning, Nita.

Good morning, dear.

Look at that back yard.

It was too dark to see it last night. It's a fairyland.

Hot water with lemon, Bill?

No, thanks. I gotta get to the office.

On holy saturday?

We're open every day except Christmas.

And you'll see the attorney?

Yes.

He's a good attorney, is he?

Oh, yeah.

Your eyes are a little red, Bill.

Pollen.

Hey!

- Hey, hey, hey.
- Lola! Lola! Lola!

Bill... we want to thank you for your charity in our hour of need,

our dark night of the soul.

You ladies, have a nice day.

Morning, rathead. Grandma up yet?

Nope.

I've spoken to Babcock, Price and Coggins,

I've advised them there's an avalanche of litigation that's about to bury Roman.

They've indicated a willingness to discuss settlement.

I am not negotiating.

I'm not getting in the gutter with them, I already tried that. That's what led to this--

All due respect, Bill, your take-it-or-leave-it ultimatum was not a negotiation.

I do not want to cut a deal, I want to crush him!

He's thrown my family to the wind like leaves,

and I want to bring him to his knees.

So you're magically going to do what the states of Utah and Arizona

have been unable to accomplish for the past 50 years?

So be it.

Unjust enrichment against UEB and Roman Grant,

I need your mother and brother's signatures.

Unfair termination of employment against Eagle Gas and UEB

as trustees in the name of Lois Henrickson, mother's signature.

Discovery motions for both suits;

action against Roman Grant and UEB

declaring loan agreement unenforceable under the UCC, I need your signature.

Tort action against Roman Grant for physical as*ault

of Lois Henrickson in said forcible eviction.

Nasty.

How much?

$500,000 in pain and suffering.

And last, but not least, breaking and entry trespass claim

against Albert Grant for events surrounding forced entry and break-in at Home Plus

on or about april 2nd, one mill smackers.

Now you sign that, there is no turning back.

Bill just can't keep him exiled out there forever.

Even with Pam and Carl gone, it's like sending up a flare.

Bill's adamant.

He can't just sit out there and pee in the azaleas.

I wouldn't let him in your house if I were you.

He makes Joey crazy, Bill hates him

and he doesn't pee in the toilet.

Bill's not very good about lifting the seat, either.

No, Nicki, he pees in the sink.

Well, still, families need to find closure and move on.

It's Easter. Maybe now's that time.

Maybe some transgressions aren't forgivable.

At the end of the day, a loving family should find everything forgivable,

else what's the point in being a family?

Here they come. Big fat hypocrites.

Act all pious, but they're really mean.

Morning.

What are you doing? What's up?

He absolutely, positively will not be in this house,

but he promised that he's going to stay at Margene's with Nita and Lourdez and...

- Oh great.
- ...Sue-Sue.

Oh no, I knew it.

I saw you this morning. What are you doing so early in the day?

Seeing the old attorney, weren't you?

Don't get comfortable. Don't make yourself at home and don't get any ideas.

I know.

You sleep in the middle house, and you stay in the middle house.

- I'm leaving. Okay, yeah.
- That's it. You got it? You hear me?

- We need to talk, asap.
- Yeah, we sure do.

Hello again, Bill. Uh...

- Hi, sweetie.
- Hi.

Say, we have to do some shopping.

Oh well, I'm sure you can go shopping with Barb.

No. We need to borrow a car, I think.

Margie, lend Nita your car.

Why can't you take Frank's truck?

No, we never drive Frank's truck.

Now that's it. It's settled. Nita, take Margie's car.

Thank you.

Thank you for your hospitality and generosity again.

If it weren't for you, we'd be naked at the mercy of the elements,

completely on our uppers.

Bless you, Bill. Bless your soul.

- Oh no, back out.
- No no no.

- I don't want you and mom in the same house.
- I'm leaving.

I just want you to know I've been thinking. I got a couple of suits of my own.

Yeah. I want to sue that motel for evicting us.

Hey, they violated the 1964 civil rights act. Hotels are public places.

You can't discriminate on account of religion.

You weren't evicted because you had four wives.

You were evicted because the lousy scotch tape

you wrapped around Nita's cord on her crockpot made it explode,

causing a fire that burnt down two rooms!

Well they don't know that.

The fire marshal say that? No.

You know why? 'Cause I went in there and took the crockpot out after the fire.

You would do anything for a buck.

I'm thinking of suing Roman, too. $300,000 for dispossession.

- For what?
- For my house.

That dump? Plywood, tarpaper, and used shag carpeting?

It's not worth the powder to blow it up.

- Oh, dear.
- It was worth it to me, sir.

$300,000 for the house, half a mil for pain and suffering.

Bud, you got lemons, you make lemonade.

Now, come on, give me the attorney's number.

Oh, please.

Give me the attorney's number. How hard is that?

Get your own darn attorney. And get out.

I told you so.

Oh, look at this trash.

Lois, brought you some orange juice.

I wasn't sure if you were awake.

Would you look at all this frou-frou?

Can hardly sleep a wink with all these pillows and this fluffy stuff.

It's pretty fluffy in our bed too.

You feel like you're going to drown in it.

It's not right for young girls to have so many things.

Hey, sleepyhead.

Hi, Wanda.

- Mom, how you doing?
- Oh, fine, fine, Bill.

We apologize for having so disrupted your lives.

And we forgive you for having so disrupted ours.

Well.

You all are welcome here for however long this takes.

Now, just sign these and we'll have old Roman and the UEB in court.

At long last. Henrickson's dispossessed.

We have been exiled.

I will get you back home.

I miss my things, Bill.

Well, just make a list. We'll take you shopping.

My father's bible? His book of mormon? My-my photographs.

I know, I know, mother, and I'm sorry.

We're not going to do some shopping for keepsakes such as those.

- Arf arf arf!
- Did I hear your father?

Don't you worry. He's in the other house and you do not have to see him.

Oh mama, please. I am on bended knee.

For ever I beg, this is the time. Please, please help me.

And what is the nature of your problem?

I've done something that Bill doesn't know about and papa does;

and papa knows that Bill doesn't know and if it should come out, I'm...

I'll lose Bill.

And what is it you've done?

I owe $60,000 in credit cards.

Yes, and?

No "and," just that.

I've been so bad.

How so?

I owe $60,000 in credit cards!

I owe 90. We needed a new bedroom when your father took Rhonda,

I put it on my discover. We all owe up to our necks.

We all spend like there is no tomorrow,

which we were told there wouldn't be on three occasions.

But your father's revelations have been a little bit off the mark lately,

and we're still here.

So, see? Under the circumstances, it's excusable.

Well, not down here it isn't.

Here it's a really big deal.

If Bill finds out, he'll kick me out. I know he will. Why shouldn't he?

That seems a bit harsh, Nicolette.

I'm begging. Will you talk to papa for me?

I mean, he might listen to you.

That's true. I'll take it under advisement.

Hello, dumb lizard.

What are you looking at?

Hi.

Grandma?

Grandma, I brought you some plain polyester pillows,

no feather, no down.

Oh, Sarah, aren't you so thoughtful?

You didn't used to be.

When you were two, you slapped me.

I didn't like you for a very long time.

You hold your cards close to your vest, don't you?

Me too.

I don't know for certain if they took it or just copied it,

but the first quarterly report was missing

and the second was next to the fax machine.

What did he look like, exactly?

Surely you got a name.

What about accounts receivable?

They were in a heap.

A stack of vendors' accounts were found out in the parking lot.

Sorry about that. Let's get back to business.

So what's the bottom line?

They took my quarterlies.

And Tom from IT said there were fingerprints all over the system.

Somebody tried to hack in.

Apparently they were able to make several trips to their car before being apprehended.

All right.

If they didn't hack into the system, then we're probably okay.

Excuse me.

Yeah.

Well I don't care what he told you. I do not want him using our attorney.

The answer is "no."

Nobody knows it was Albert Grant.

Thanks, Dan.

We don't want to worry any people unnecessarily.

Are you all right, sir?

Fine, thanks.

Wendy? Anything else?

A lot of the employees are talking.

All kinds of rumors have started up.

People know the burglar was caught and then let go.

And they have concocted some truly wild scenarios

to explain why the police weren't called in.

I tell them, "you can be sure Mr. Henrickson has his reasons."

But is there something I could say to them?

Something you'd like me to say to put an end to all this gossip?

Wendy, if the police gets involved, if this becomes a matter of public record,

our insurance goes sky-high through the roof.

Now, we'll handle it, privately.

And I tell you this in strictest confidence.

You understand?

Okay.

Bill, Bill, Bill.

Hateful.

Ugh, not again.

He did it in my sink and he splashed it on the counter and faucets.

Gross. Grandpa?

Sarah, just take Teenie and please go outside.

That is disgusting. That is so disgusting.

- What is?
- Never mind.

Can you stop him? Can someone stop him?

I'm not eating tonight. I'm not. I'm not.

Yes you are. He didn't pee in the casserole or the cobbler and I'm disinfecting.

When's dinner?

A few hours.

Barb, we told Margene we have to go shopping.

We haven't heard back.

Well, what do you need?

Clorox.

We have everything for dinner tonight, and Easter dinner too.

What are you cooking for Easter?

Turkey. What else?

Oh, no. Frank likes ham,

and yams with marshmallows.

No marshmallows. The kids get enough sugar as is.

I said b*at it!

But a ham would give us such a sh*t in the arm

and bolster our spirits.

Not Easter without ham.

Hi everybody-- Oh no.

No, I told you twice to stay away. Third time, you're out.

Get your feet off the couch.

Come on, I'm being polite.

Let's go.

What are you doing? She's not even here.

What are you being overprotective of her for?

She's like one of Roman's humvees.

You know, the woman is a t*nk.

- One, two--
- I'm going, okay? I'm going.

You know, it's supposed to be our honeymoon though

and for some reason you seem to be trying to keep us apart.

What are you so startled for? You're the one who bought--

I need some fresh soap.

What are you doing here?

He's just leaving.

Your husband is peeing in the sink.

You are still doing that?

Oh, Frank, you are such a pig.

And you are such a witch.

Barb, this soap smells.

It's supposed to smell, Lois.

Yeah, it is, grandma.

No, soap is not supposed to smell.

Well, we'll get you some that doesn't smell.

We'll get it when we go shopping!

Get them your keys. They're guests.

We better get out of here before she changes her mind. Bye, Margene.

Bill?

Margie, I don't feel very well.

I need you to take me to the emergency room.

I don't think I can drive.

- What's wrong.
- Now. We got to go. Hurry.

Okay okay.

Well, you don't appear to have a brain tumor.

And you haven't had a heart att*ck or a stroke... yet.

Joke.

What's wrong with me?

Uh, Mrs. Henrickson? Could you give us a minute, please?

It's okay, honey.

Do you use sildenafil, vardenafil or tadalafil?

Sexual performance enhancement dr*gs?

No.

Yeah.

It's your eyes. 25 or 50 milligrams?

100.

For how long?

Couple months.

Frequency?

Two, three times a day.

A man your age is not designed to perform like a horse.

And ought not to be expected to perform at the same level as a man of 25.

When will the effects wear off?

When the drug leaves your system.

When was the last time you took some?

One last night...

another this morning.

This morning's was the 36-hour kind.

He said it was stress, high blood pressure.

Stress spikes over the holidays, especially with family.

Send them away.

Ugh, they're horrible, Bill. And that horrible dog?

Put them in a motel or a shelter or under a bridge,

but if Pam comes home, and she even sees his truck--

Margie! My blood pressure.

Now, I'm taking care of it.

But we need to keep this to ourselves.

I don't want to alarm Nicki and Barb.

Hi.

How you doing?

How are you doing?

I'm a mess.

This is really hard, Bill.

I know.

I wanted to call you last night.

I don't regret having ended it.

It was the right thing to do.

For the family.

I feel...

I feel robbed.

Like they've stolen you from me.

Do you think I'm selfish?

No, you're not selfish. No.

Yeah.

Did you know that Fedex did afternoon deliveries on saturday?

What?

Tough day for Bill Henrickson.

You better swing by my office.

What the heck?

"The time has come," the walrus said.

Appears Roman's getting into the litigation game, suing you.

Suing me?

What do we got here?

Breach of contract, $5 million in injunctive relief.

Got a claim of tortious false imprisonment

of one Albert Grant at the premises of Home Plus.

No, he broke into my store.

Not proven. Your security guard cuffed him and restrained him.

Half a mil.

Next, a suit for as*ault and battery against one Lois Henrickson.

My mother? They assaulted her.

They grabbed her and-and they manhandled her.

Says here she assaulted back, kicked one Zevon Dalton in the testicles.

It was in self-defen--

300 thou in compensatory, one mil punitive.

Pricey set of balls.

There's some good news. I ran into the docket clerk at lunch.

If we file on monday, we can be in front of a judge in eight to 10 weeks.

I can't wait to try those little marshmallows.

Looks so good. Here we go.

There's a scratch on my car,

a really big scratch,

and you're the ones that put it there.

- That's impossible.
- No! Very possible.

You're the only ones who drove it.

- Well, it wasn't us.
- Was!

Margie, it isn't worth it.

They scratched my car, Nicki.

Nicki, if you don't mind.

You ought to get control of her.

You scratched my car!

Margie.

Do you or Barb have any honey, honey?

We forgot it.

Where's Bill?

He went upstairs.

Are you all right?

Hmm? Fine.

What's wrong?

Mmm, nothing.

Just... I'm sad.

Why?

Is there anything I can do?

No, Nicki.

Okay.

The united states has made clear to leaders on every continent

that there is no such thing as a good t*rror1st and a bad t*rror1st.

You cannot condemn Al Qaeda... and hug Hamas.

What has gone wrong with the world?

Civilization gone rotten.

Uppity.

Barb? Honey?

- I got one!
- I saw it first.

- Look, there's more over here.
- I don't think that was your egg.

- Psst, Joey.
- Hey.

You and I are going to the compound tonight to meet with Roman.

I set it up. 8:00.

I thought you said no negotiating, Bill.

I thought you said stand pat.

I want Roman off my books as a silent partner.

Look, there's several million in real estate I can't make until he is.

That's why I reorganized the franchise to erase

his presence from the books but I got greedy.

I thought I could stop payments to him at the same time. I wanted my cake and eat to.

So what are you going to do?

Sit down face to face and make a deal.

What kind of deal?

A deal that gets you all back home.

We'll take Nicki's car, less recognizable. 8:00.

We'll tell everybody we have tickets to the jazz-spurs game.

You all right? Your eyes...

No, I'm fine, I'm fine.

What time we going?

8:00.

Here's one!

Honey, it's mother. I asked your father about that little matter

and it turns out that he ran a D&B on you,

your $60,000 all laid out with payment history.

I honestly can't say what he plans on doing with it.

Mom, I know you and I have had our differences, but,

can you please help me out on this one?

How can I? I won't be in the meeting.

Meeting?

Bill and your father, tonight, 8:00.

Mom?

Mom is in the doghouse.

Oh, mommy's goose is about to get cooked.

You're not too old for Easter-egg hunting?

Joey.

Oh, I guess I am.

But the raccoons aren't.

Where's Nicki and Marge?

I don't know. Why?

I was just curious.

Seems Nita and the rest are always together.

Mom's a recluse.

And you?

How's Wanda?

She's fine. She just worries about me too much.

- There.
- There you go.

Went by the DWS, state employment agency,

filled out what they call a standard job application.

And 150 bucks registering at an employment agency.

Just want to start over here,

get an apartment with Wanda and the baby.

That's wonderful, Joey.

I think I'm done with the compound.

Wanda worries I'll get in trouble again, but it's...

I don't know that I believe in polygamy anymore, Barb.

Don't tell Bill though.

What does Wanda think?

I haven't told her.

She's afraid that she and I won't be together in the celestial kingdom

- unless I--
- You're a monogamist.

I guess so.

Look, Barb...

the only way I know what to believe in is to listen to my heart.

And it says that Wanda's it for me.

Strange how... you're polygamous here. Don't you think?

Well...

Cool.

What are you doing?

Taking a leak.

Boys, boys, go in the other room.

- Aw!
- Go on.

Get down off that stepladder right now.

I'm almost finished.

In my sink? In front of my sons!

Always women in the bathroom, no matter how many bathrooms.

You hang on to your garbage too long, uremic poisoning.

Even worse: kidney failure.

Stop peeing right now!

Margie, stay back.

You vile man. You don't belong in a house. You belong in a stall!

Bill. No.

Stop, now! Stop, now!

Hey hey.

Get a helper.

You may come inside my houses once a day for one meal for one half hour

and one half hour in the morning to bathe and that's it!

There.

How does it feel?

It's hot.

Mercy.

Why did you cut your hair?

It's different from the other women in the compound.

Does your father ever talk about your aunt Margaret?

Well, he should.

She drowned in Lake Meade.

After Margaret d*ed...

I was bone sad.

Now... we hadn't always been ignorant.

We were once a learned, serious people.

My daddy, your great grandfather Orville,

he taught me when I was a girl.

He told me stories about ancient peoples,

how when they had tragedy, sorrow,

how they would "shorn" their hair.

So when Maggie...

I just cut it all off.

And Nita and sisterwives

and Frank,

they hated me for it.

'Cause it made me different, I think.

Everybody thought I was proud, and ugly,

but ugly and special.

Marked.

Marked.

Who'd like some mashed potatoes?

And gravy? Should we pass around the gravy?

- Let's pass it around the table.
- Mom, it smells really good.

- Just pass it around.
- Where's the bread?

I'll carve. I love to carve.

- Nita.
- Thank you.

Bill, sit down.

Sit down.

Hey, do you have any butter?

I can do this. I know Bill likes dark meat. Right, Bill?

Only if it's moist and...

Barb, where's Lois? I'm sure Bill would like to have his mother here with us.

- Here you go, mom.
- Oh, she'll be over.

Don't worry about her.

Leave her to her own sorry self. Just cut me a piece of meat, please.

Here you go, Nicki.

Mashed potatoes? Thanks.

Joey.

Remember?

"I got it! I got-- I got it! Oh..."

Nope.

That's not funny, Frank.

It wasn't funny the first time. It's not funny now.

I'm sorry.

You've shown us such charity and compassion.

I wish we could all go throw ourselves down a well and be out of your hair.

No. You're entirely welcome here.

I'll have some beans there, fumbles.

I told you old man, you lay off Joey or else.

Or else what?

Or else I'll finish the job someone else started. I'll k*ll you!

Everybody, please stop.

Stop what?

Please stop picking on Frank.

That's about all anyone's been doing since we arrived.

- The woman's absolutely right.
- Listen, you--

The hostess would like to remind everyone to attempt to behave.

We appreciate your charity, Bill,

but you're the reason all of us are out of our homes.

No, no. Let's just speak the truth.

You'd be in a safe comfortable motel if it wasn't for your junky crockpot.

That motel was horrible. Filth on the television.

As a matter of fact, we don't want to be here with you any more than you want us here.

Well you're not cutting that right. You're cutting with the grain.

Hey! Go back to your table.

But she's carving scraps.

I like hunks of meat.

Well I thought you only liked ham.

Sit down!

Maybe it's because somebody scratched my car and won't admit it.

I did not scratch your car!

I told you they were all liars.

And you leave Margene alone.

You bully.

Look at this.

All made up like a poodle.

"Madame Fifi."

Sitting at the small table, are you?

You big good-for-nothing.

Listen here, Fifi, don't you come sweeping in here,

all done up like some kind of a poodle,

telling me that I'm good for nothing.

Dad? Knock it off.

Arf arf arf!

Frank. Don't bark at Lois.

Arf arf arf!

That's it! You, leave the table now!

This is Easter.

It has meaning for our family. Go!

I hate this. I can't stand it.

Wanda.

Wanda.

Wanda.

- Wanda, where you going?
- Get in!

Get in the car if you love me.

Come on, just take a breath.

No no. We got to get out of here now. How long till you cr*ck?

- How long?
- Listen to me, listen to me.

I'm not going to cr*ck. I'm going to get a job.

Listen. I'm going to get a job.

And I'm going to get us an apartment here to live in.

No! No! Why would we want to live here? Why?

We got to go home or we'll die.

We're not going to die, honey.

- We're not going to die.
- There are bad things here.

There are bad people, people that got you in trouble.

There are temptations.

- Those days are over.
- No.

- Sweetheart, those days are over.
- No.

It's okay.

Listen, Bill. You don't have to cut a deal with Roman just to get us back.

We're okay. We're fine here.

Joey, I can't. I can't have you all here.

I love you, I do. But I can't have you.

I can't stick you in a flophouse or some shelter. I can't do that either.

I'm just completely at the end of my rope.

Okay, let's go.

Listen, you mind driving?

My eyes are playing me up.

Doctor says it's stress. It's okay.

Listen to me. He's about to cave.

He's about to give in.

Now it's none of my business,

but if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't settle with him right now.

I think you can get a better deal later.

Thank you, brother Frank.

You're welcome, brother Roman.

Can I come home now?

You and your precious wives are welcome back

at any time that pleases you, brother Frank.

Thank you.

And Roman, God bless you.

God bless you.

Damn them. We've been stood up.

Let's just get out of here, Bill.

Let's go by mom's first. I want to pick up some of her stuff.

What do you want here?

This is our mother's house.

Sorry, not anymore. Property's been reassigned.

We've been assigned to live here.

Well, you better leave.

It's ours now, like I said. You better take it up with the UEB.

UEB can't just take away your house!

Joey, take it easy.

Earl? What are you doing?

Earl, stop that now.

Come on. Come inside.

Let's just go home.

Nah, not yet.

The condo building you see behind me caught fire last night

when a faulty electrical wire b*rned through its protective casing,

sparking flames that started a fire in the basement.

Barb, can I come in?

Of course you can.

How are things in your house?

Fine. Yours?

Is that all you want to know?

I want to ask you something.

I don't want any details.

I don't want any information.

Just one question and I'll never, ever mention it again.

Is it over?

Yes.

Thank you, Barb.

He sleeps in back.

Okay, you wait here.

- Bill, I'm coming--
- No. Just me and him.

Keep watch.

Roman Grant?

Who is it?

What? Get out of here.

You stood me up.

You get out of here. This is our bedroom!

Leave us be.

- Help, help! Someone's broken in!
- No, hey hey hey.

Help!

Bill?

What are you doing?

How dare you? How dare you?

An old man and 14 defenseless women?

Leave us be, Adaleen.

All we have to do is scream and a fate will befall you that you will not wish to contemplate.

Get him!

His privates! Get his privates!

Stop it or I'll k*ll him!

Now, leave us be.

You're making a big mistake, son.

Don't call me "son."

What you did to my family was wrong, Roman.

Now I'm prepared to do business.

Not on Easter.

All right, what's your proposition?

I'll give you the 15% of the second store that we've been fighting over.

It'll be an off-the-books payment from me.

15% off the books.

Nothing on any future stores.

And my family come home to their places.

I'll think about it.

Roman, it's over.

There's no thinking left to be done.

Now you make this deal,

or this guitar that you hold so dear,

truly is history.

You don't look so good.

You look worse.

I'm going to go tell mom she's going home.

All right.

Mom?

Hey, sorry to disturb you. I just wanted to tell you--

Go.

- Ow.
- Sorry.

- You okay?
- It's okay.

What are you doing with that guitar?

I borrowed it for a bit.

Why?

Thought I'd take some lessons.

I settled with Roman.