04x02 - The New Hot Mess

Episode transcripts for the TV show "9-1-1: Lone Star". Aired: January 19, 2020 to present.
A NYC firefighter relocates to Austin, Texas with his son, where he tries to start a new life while he works to save people's lives.
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04x02 - The New Hot Mess

Post by bunniefuu »




I'm sending police right to you, ma'am.

- What's your name?

Lila Geralds.

Now, Lila, my name is Grace.

I'm gonna sit
on the phone with you, okay,

until help arrives.

Now, don't confront the suspect.

Are you someplace safe for now?

LILA: I'm in the house.

And can you see the thieves
from where you are?

LILA: No, but I know who it is.

Okay, Lila, I need the address
to where you're calling from.

LILA: I don't know.

I thought you said
you were in your house.

I am. That's what
I'm trying to tell you.


My house isn't being robbed.

It's being stolen.

Okay, Lila, based on
the landmarks you've given me,

I've got you on Highway going north.

Now, you said you have a good idea

of who's driving the truck, right?

Yeah. I've got an idea, alright.

It's my ex-husband, Mitch!


Oh, yep, that's the back
of his fat head.


He is stealing my house with me in it!


Lila, what's happening?


All the furniture's sliding around!

Listen, try to find someplace
safe to hunker down, okay?

Police and rescue are on their way.


Dispatch, ladder .
Highway , Mile Marker .

Yeah. He's about two miles
in front of you, Captain Strand.

So just maintain speed
and wait for instructions.

- We'll do that.

how does somebody
hitch up your whole house

with you inside and drive off

and you sleep through the whole thing?

I don't know.
To hear Grace tell it, I could sleep

through a stampede and still be snoring.

So how are we supposed to stop him, Cap?

Not our job.
We're just here for the cleanup.



Pull to the shoulder now!

- No offense, officer, I'm good.
- SGT. TY O'BRIEN: Pull over.

But you have a nice day.

Three-three-one-M- .

Be advised, suspect has
refused to obey a traffic stop.

PAUL: Is that Sergeant O'Brien?

Dude's definitely getting a ticket.

Captain Strand, .

Hey, do you think we should let
the driver go to wherever he's going?

Or do you think PD
needs to force a stop?

Can't say I'm fond
of either option, Captain.

He's got about feet
of house that looks like

it's one bump away from turning
into a pile of matchsticks.

Hey, you force a stop,
you could k*ll the wife.

PAUL: Yeah, but you
leave him on the road,

he can k*ll somebody else.

Dispatch, any chance the wife
knows where he's going?

Stand by, . I'll ask.

Lila, would you know
where Mitch is taking the house?

I know he bought an empty lot
up at Birch Glen.

Birch Glen, Captain.

And I do see a trailer park there.

Birch Glen. Hey-hey, Cap.

To get to Birch Glen,
he's gonna have to exit

Highway and take .

Get a look at Mile Marker .

See where it's going?

Strickland, that is genius.

- He's headed to Birch Glen.
- He'll have to take the .

what we're thinking. Mile Marker ?

O'BRIEN: Yeah, I know it well.

This ends there.

I'll have a party waiting for him.

OWEN (OVER RADIO): See you there.

Alright, we got less than clear miles

to extract the wife.

Dispatch, I think we're
gonna need another ride.


you've never been lowered down

onto a moving house before.

- How much you got?
- Really?

Dude, Google some flood rescues.

Florida. Right.

Ugh. Of course,
missing the mark over water's one thing.

Pretty sure pavement would hurt more.

Then don't miss, Marj.

Nice and easy, target's the skylight.

- Oh!

I've got a moving target here, Cap.

Alright, pull me up alongside the cab.

Hey, uh, dispatch, can you
patch me in to the husband?

Yeah, I'll try calling
his cell phone, .

There's no guarantee
he'll answer though.








MITCH: What?

You aware that your wife's in the house?

Well, it's my house. I paid for it.

Okay. It's Mitch, right?
Mitch, listen to me.

I've had two divorces.
I know things can get ugly.

But it could get a lot uglier
if somebody gets hurt, or worse.

I suppose she told you
the judge gave her the house?

It really didn't come up.

MITCH: Well, it's a lie.

The judge said
she could stay in the house.

- So, fine.
- MARJAN: Okay, over the target.

Lila, are you near the skylight?

Yeah, I'm looking right at it.



Ah! Who's going to pay for that?

I'm here to rescue you!

LILA: Rescue me?

No, I don't need to be rescued!

He needs to be arrested!

Yeah, I feel like
that's probably in the cards.

But for now, we need
to get you outta here, okay?

- No!
- No?

I am not leaving this house!

The judge said I didn't have to.

Possession is nine-tenths of the law!

I am standing my ground!


You can go.

Hey, Marjan, what's the holdup?

Slight holdup being
that she's a crazy lady, Cap.

Well, you've got about
a half a mile to figure it out.

MARJAN: Listen!

In about seconds,

you'll be the proud owner
of nine-tenths of nothing!

We need to get you in this harness

and get you outta here, okay?


- Come on!
- Fine!

- He can have it!
- Okay.

- Come through here.

Coming up on that exit, Marwani.

Okay, copy that, Cap.
We're ready. Take us up.

- Hold on tight.
- Okay.

TK (OVER RADIO): Marwani
and the wife are out, Cap.

Sergeant, the wife is clear.

Mitch and his -foot house
is headed for .

How's our party planning coming?

Everything's in place.


You sons of bitches.

Better move.
I'm not stopping for anything.


Here he comes.


Let's go.

OFFICER: Move, move, move!

- Hurry up.
- Let's see those hands. Keep 'em up.


OFFICER: Keep your hands up!


So that's what's at Mile Marker .

Yeah, I'll be a son of a g*n.

Well played, Strand.

I owe you a beer.

I plan on collecting.

Captain Strand,
this is Special Agent Biondi,

my partner on
the Joint Terrorism Task Force.

- OWEN: Nice to meet you.
- Uh, l-listen.

Please don't take this as me
telling you how to do your job,

but I think there must be
some misunderstanding here.

Did you tell anyone else
you'd be meeting with us today?

Your partner told me not to,

and, um, that's about all she's told me.

Captain, these men
you've been associating with,

the Honor Dogs,
what do you know about them?

See, I think the phrase

"associating with" is misleading.

I've ridden with these guys
a couple times,

and as far as I can tell,
they're motorcycle enthusiasts

who like to brand each other
from time to time.

So I don't know much.

The Honor Dogs are
a group of fringe separatists

whose stated goal is the return
of the state of Texas

- to its founding fathers.
- The Mexicans?

They skip right to the Alamo part.

But they know how it ended, right?

About a year ago, they landed
on our domestic terror watch list.

Yeah, well, so did a bunch of parents

protesting a school board meeting,
if I recall.

their online rhetoric has become

increasingly more hostile
toward the government,

and there has been a lot more of this.

Well, it is Texas.

We have reason to believe your new pals

are planning an att*ck here in Austin.

Ever heard of ANFO?

Ammonium nitrate fuel-oil mixture?

Six weeks ago, a truckload
was hijacked outside of Laredo.

Timothy McVeigh used , pounds of it

to take down the Alfred P.
Murrah Federal Building

in Oklahoma City.

This truck was carrying
three times that amount.

If you think they have this,
what do you need me for?

Go get a warrant and get it.

We don't have quite enough
for a warrant yet.

And that's why
we're asking for your help.

We want you to plant this.

Ooh. Is this a...

An RF transmitter.

Ooh, it's teeny.


We need someone who can
walk into that roadhouse

without questions being asked.
That someone is you.

AGENT CHUCK BIONDI: We learned from
a source there's an office in the back

opposite the men's room where all
the private conversations take place.

The men's room?

The private office.

That's where we want you
to plant the bug.

Okay, but if you have a source,
why not just use the source?

He's no longer available.

Meaning they're...
no longer as alive as they used to be?

- You're in, you're out, easy.
- Huh.

framed picture is always good.

Top of a light fixture if it
doesn't look like it gets dusted.

Or just under a table.

ROSE: Owen...

you know the kind of devastation
we could be looking at.

We need your help.

Yes. No, I'm sure it would have
made a great Instagram post,

but it is mating season.

It just makes 'em
a little more aggressive.

Yeah, so just keep on runnin', Muriel.

Park management is on its way.

Uh, no, actually, if it's a he,

then the bird has
beautiful tail feathers.

The lady birds are the drab ones.

I know it seems wrong,
but nature is sometimes cruel.

Just... Yeah, just keep running, Muriel.

You're almost near the toilets?

Perfect. Just get in there
and shut the door, okay?

You stay put.

Yeah, Animal Control will let you
know when it's safe to come out.

Okay. Alright, you're very welcome.

- You have a good day.

My money's on the peacock.

- Girl, mine, too.

Hey, listen, I'm going on break, okay?

How much time we got?

So you should have seen
the way Reverend Parks

smooth-talked Mrs. Barnum.

By the end of it,
she thought it was her idea

to step down from welcoming chair.

And now the woman's
only bringing drinks.


- Hallelujah.
- Hallelujah.

- You missed quite a meeting.

I had something to do
with the girls last night.

So, did you know

that Reverend Parks
had a BA in astronomy?

Oh, that's very interesting.

- I thought so, too.
- TOMMY VEGA: Mm-hmm.

GRACE: Personally, me,

I could've listened to the man all day.

What are you doing? Right now?

- Me?
- Mm-hmm.

Um, I was trying to see if he called you

after you gave him your phone number.

You know he called me.

Yes. Okay, he might have mentioned it.

Mm-hmm. And, no. No,
I have not called him back yet.

It's complicated, Gracie.

That's just your catchphrase

for when things aren't complicated.

But you're avoiding them
because you're being a chicken.

Well, I didn't know I had
a catchphrase for all that.

- He's handsome.
- Yes.

GRACE: And he's fascinating.

And we know he loves kids.

So, I guess I do see your dilemma.

(SOFTLY): He's a pastor.

He's my pastor.

And this chicken is a little concerned

about all the hens at church.

GRACE: Oh, my gosh. Oh,

- let them cluck.
- I don't need it.

No, let them cluck. You like him, right?

- I hardly know the man.
- You should get to know him.

Something compelled you
to give him your phone number.

It wasn't the Holy Spirit.



You saying that's the only reason?

Not the only reason, no, but...

- Imma tell you the truth.
- Hm?

It could be a deal breaker.

GRACE: Hmm, it doesn't have to be.

Me and Judd, we did wait...

until our wedding night.

Yeah, I love that for you.

But I've already had
my wedding night, and I...

I don't know if I'll marry again.

Gracie, I-I can't actually imagine it.

But I do know this stage in my life,

I need something more than
just a dinner companion.

I understand.

But you're right.

He did give me his number,
and I do need to call him

to tell him I'm not interested.

So then you're just gonna bold-face lie

to the man of God then?


Well, how's this one?

It's as good as the last three.

As good?

It's better. It's perfect.

God, why am I so nervous?

I feel like I'm meeting your parents.


Not my parents.

- Just my wife.
- Ha.

Hey, remember what I said?

Her meds tend to remove the filter.

She can be blunt, but not malicious.

Don't take it personally.

- TK: Okay.
- Okay?

You're all good.

- This place is really nice.

It's much nicer than my last place.

Where was that?

Under an overpass.


So... you wanna get married?

That's the plan.

- Why?


Hmm. Seems like you already are.

Um, we wanna make it official.

- For tax purposes?
- No.

Carlos said that you
used to be a firefighter,

now you're a paramedic.

Don't they make less?

No, I-I do okay.

Is it because you're short?


I don't think I'm short.

Was it because being
a paramedic is less dangerous?

I mean, some people
would say that's cowardly,

but I don't think so.

I think it's smart.

No, I, uh, I felt
that it was my calling.

And, um, being a paramedic at the

comes with plenty of danger.

The paramedic TK replaced
got k*lled in the field.

That's so sad.

Yeah. By a lava b*mb.

That's cool. But still sad.

And last year, during the blizzard,

I was rescuing a kid
trapped under the ice

and I got really bad hypothermia,

ended up in a coma
and almost died, so...

I thought you were sh*t.

That was the other coma.

How many comas have you been in?

Oh, just the three, but only two
since I moved to Texas. So, yeah.

That seems like a lot of comas.

Yeah, it's a bit more than average.

Iris, TK and I wanna get married

because we love each other

and because we wanna spend
the rest of our lives together.

It's no more complicated than that.

It is a little more complicated

'cause you're already married.

Which is why you're here.

- That's true.
- CARLOS: Yeah.

- Divorce papers?
- Yes. Yes.

Here you go.

- Thank you.
- TK: Here's a pen.

I don't need a pen. I have pens.

TK: Wh-what?

You're not gonna sign it now?

No, I need to read it,
you know, think it over.

What is there to think about it?

Are you guys gonna eat those?

I don't see you doing a lot of carbs.

You can take them.

You want a bag or...

No, I'm good.


Carlos, let's do this again sometime.


You're always welcome here.

- TK.
- TK: Mm-hmm.

- Pleasure to meet you.
- TK: Mm-hmm.

You're exactly what I expected.


What the hell just happened?


Iris happened.

She'll think about it?
What does that even mean?

Getting divorced from a gay husband

doesn't seem like
there's much to think about.

I mean, it's not like
she can force Carlos

to stay married to her.

No, but she could drag it out,

and then we'll lose the venue.

I mean, she's holding our wedding

completely hostage for no good reason.

- So don't let her.

You can still have the wedding, TK.

She can't stop it from happening.

And then you can sort out
the legalities later.

No. Nance, I'm not
gonna do that, alright?

We have fought so hard to have
our marriages legally recognized.

When I say "I do," I want
the world to know that I did.

I get that.

You know what she said last
night when she left our place?

- Good night?
- No.

She said that I was exactly
what she expected.

What do you make of that?

It's a pretty neutral statement.

It was ominous, Nance.
It was very ominous.

Why don't you ask her what she meant?


Hey, now.

- Uh, Cap?
- Hey.

Frog Prince at ten o'clock.


Ugh, that's Reverend Parks.

- Reverend?
- Believe it or not,

he is the new pastor at my church.

You came on to the pastor
at your church?

You're going to hell.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Cyanokit restock right now.

Get lost. Okay.

Hey. Hey.

Reverend Parks right here where I work.

If I recall on Sunday,

you showed up at my place of business.

Yes, I did.

But you slipped right out
before we could talk.

Well, you were busy.

Y-You were greeting the
congregation on their way out,

and we had already met... twice.

But I-I did enjoy the show.

Not show.

- Uh, um...
- Sermon?

Yes, it was solid.

And solemn even and...

But funny.

It... Oh, God. Please stop me.

- Just, please.
- And miss what comes next?

- No, ma'am.
- TOMMY: I just...

I need to apologize,

uh, because when I,
when I gave you my number,

I-I didn't realize who...

you work for.

My boss, you mean?

Yes. God. Man upstairs.

One who sees everything,
including your thoughts.

I'd like to think it was God
who brought us together.


But did He have to
put your life in peril?

Oh, He works in mysterious ways.

And I've heard that.

And He tends to get what He wants.

So will you have dinner with me?




- I'd love to.
- How's Thursday?

Thursday, uh, is good. (LAUGHS)

Yes. Um, text me
and I'll send you my address.

Amen, I will do that.

Well, um...

You have a blessed day.

You, too.

Ooh, you're gonna burn.


♪ The road to hell ♪

♪ Is paved with good intentions ♪

♪ They say the road to hell ♪

♪ Is paved with good intentions ♪

MIKEY: Captain Strand?

Hey, Mikey, remember?

Oh, yeah, sure. Just call me Owen.

Sorry we didn't get a chance to talk

after the branding ceremony
the other night.

Yeah, the guy I was with,
he's, uh, got a wife and kids,

- so we had to run.
- RED: Strand.

I didn't really expect
to see you in here again.

Oh, yeah? Why's that?

Maybe it was the way you and Easy Ryder

ran out of here last time.

I don't know about "ran out."

What brings you back?

Actually, something you said.

RED: Is that right? What was that?

"Bar's always open,
drinks are always free."

Ha, ha!
Well, let's get you watered down, then.

Sorry, I, uh, probably should
have given you a heads-up.

It can be pretty startling

seeing a man take the Eagle
for the first time.

Why do I think that
not giving me a heads-up

was the whole point?


So let me ask you something.

RED: Hmm.

Why the Eagle?

It's the Honor Dogs. Why not a dog?

Ancient Romans used to carry an
eagle as their standard in a battle.

Not just the Romans.

You calling me a n*zi, Strand?

You don't seem offput by it.

Hey, anybody to the right
of Trotsky these days

gets called a n*zi, right?

(LAUGHS) Yeah.

Hey, you got a men's room?

It's right back there.


BIKER: How's it going?


O'BRIEN: Strand.


O'BRIEN: What are you doing here?

Uh, I was just looking for a men's room.

That's behind the door
that says "Toilet."

Oh, well, should've checked there first.

Say, you gonna be around?

Maybe you can get me
that beer you owe me.

Drinks here are on the house.

Well, then it's a win for both of us.



Thank you.

So this place is pretty poppin'
for a Monday night.

You ever been here on a Monday night?

Uh, no, but, you know,
for Mondays generally.

- O'Brien, my brother!
- Hey!

Hey. Like those new bags
you're running on the hog.

- Had to be done.
- TURNER: Yeah.

Chief wouldn't let me
put my Viking studs

on my official department vehicle.

TURNER: Be badass if he did, though.

- Right on.
- Alright.

So you're a Dog? I didn't know.

Honor Dog.

I was abbreviating.

- We don't do that.
- Right.

This place is great, right?

Owen, what the hell are you doing here?

What do you mean?

You know what kinda club this is?

A biker club.

- And I have a bike.
- You've got a bike?

Yeah. Bonneville out there.

Was that your
nifty little Triumph upstairs?

- Yeah.
- Yeah. That's about right

for a squid.

A squid?

Let me ask you this.

How did you and the boys meet?

We met on the road.

- On the road?
- OWEN: Mm-hmm.

Just hit it off, you know.

Kinda connection riders have.

Is that right?

Red even gave me a Gremlin Bell.

Oh, I'm sure he did.

I bet he was thrilled to meet you.

f*re captain. / hero.

He was just talking about how we need to

start recruiting firefighters.

You guys thinking of playing with f*re?

No. But you might be.

Look, I like you, Strand, I do.

And I know you're no idiot.

But this isn't a place
that you wanna be.

But it is a place you wanna be?

TURNER: Hey, Sergeant,
get over here and lose some money.

Oh, come on, Turner,
you know I always leave here

with more than I came in with.

Finish your beer
and don't ever come back.

You're not welcome here.

Rack 'em up, bitches,
let's lose you some money.

ROSE: Just relax.

Do you think he saw you
plant the device?

I don't think so.

But are-are you hearing me?

Yeah, I'm hearing you.
It's very echoey in here.

Why are we meeting in a parking garage?

Have you never seen a movie?

I mean, I couldn't just do it

and then go right to your office.

What if I was being followed?

Then they would have followed you here

and seen you meeting with a
federal agent in a parking garage.

Okay, I'm just saying,
this guy knows me, alright?

He's not buying for a second

that I'm a part of some extremist group.

Owen, that's fine.
You went in as yourself.

You didn't blow your cover

because there was no cover to blow.

- What?
- Yeah, I liked the guy.

You know, he's a police officer.
Not just an officer,

a highly decorated field sergeant.

Why would he hang around
with guys like that?

Who knows why people do what they do.

You know, every time
I make a new male friend,

it's this or something like this.

- Do you think it's me?
- I don't really know you.

It's over.

Uh, never really got started.

I mean, we were just becoming friendly.

I meant the mission.

Look, you planted the device,

you activated it.

That's all we needed from you.

When you say "activated..."

You did turn it on?

No one said anything
about turning it on.

There was a lot of talk
about picture frames

and a place to hide it and hands,

but nobody even showed me
how to turn it on.

You have to go back in.

Well, I can't. I can't.

O'Brien said I wasn't welcome.


Alright, um, I'll find out
Sergeant O'Brien's schedule.

We'll make sure he's not there
when you go back in.

Just wait to hear from me.

I'm so regretting buying that bike.




Am I too early?

You're perfect.

(CHUCKLES) I mean, you're right on time.

Please come in.

TREVOR PARKS: Beautiful.

Absolutely beautiful.

And your house is nice, too.

Reverend. You are a charmer.


That is a lovely jacket.

Do you, um...

preach many a sermon in that jacket?

Everything that I have
on tonight is secular.

Oh, including your skivvies?

Oh, sister Vega.


I'm sorry, I-I can't help it.

The more I tell myself to be good,
the badder I get.

But I did promise to be a lady tonight.


you have got that part down pat.

You're nervous.

- I'm conflicted.
- Hmm.

I, um, I've never dated a...

- Divorcé.
- ...preacher.

Well, I wasn't planning on
doing much preaching tonight.



Mm-mmm. Uh-huh.


Are we allowed to do this?

When it happens,

just try not to cry out the Lord's name.

♪ The only one who could ever reach me ♪

♪ Was the son of... ♪




I'm going to hell.

♪ Ooh, yes, he was ♪

♪ The only one who could ever reach me ♪

♪ He was the sweet-talking son
of a preacher man ♪



"Speeding Quickly Until I Die"?

Well, at least I'm not a n*zi.

Hey, Owen. You got a sec?

Yeah. Come in.

It's, um, it's personal.
I-I don't wanna overstep.

Oh, overstepping is kinda my thing.

Okay. Um, alright.

So, do you know when...

well, in life, when you meet someone

under a set of circumstances
and you hit it off

and it's great,

and then you, you run into them again

under a different set of circumstances,

and it turns out they're not

who you thought they were at all.

Did he come here?

Actually, uh, yes, he did.

Was he thr*at? Did he ask for me?

Why would Reverend Parks ask for you?

Wh... Why would he be thr*at?

There's a chance that
I don't fully understand

what we're talking about right now.

I'm having sex dreams about my pastor.

- Ooh. Oh...
- Yeah.

- What are you talking about?
- Well...

I-It's not that,
but I'm... I'm flattered.

You weren't in the dream.

No, that you chose to share it with me.


Well, um, I'd feel dirty

sharing it with anyone else.

Thank you?

I... Because you're
so wise... like Solomon.

Uh, you know,
that's a Biblical reference,

and I really have to stop using that.

Listen, do you remember
that very handsome man

who was trapped at the fair?

From the porta-potty?


No. Th-The one who, uh,
who leapt from the burning Zipper ride?

- Oh, with the daughter.
- TOMMY: Yes. Yes.

I gave him my number.

You gave him your number?

Do you, do you do that a lot?

Give your number out in the field?

No, and I probably never will again.

Th-The thing is,
he asked me out on a date.

Because you gave him your number.

I know. I gave him my number.

And at the time I thought
he was a really hot dad.

And it turns out that he's
the new pastor at my church.

Okay. Um...

(LAUGHS) Let me ask you a question.

- TOMMY: Hmm?
- Did the sex dream

start before or after
you knew he was your pastor?


And what was he wearing in the dreams?

Why does that matter?

It doesn't matter. Um...


- Do you like the church?
- TOMMY: Yes.

It's a very important part of our lives,

and Grace and Judd go there.

Then you have to say no to the date.
Take it from me.

I made the grave error of asking out

the receptionist
at my haircutting place.

And if it doesn't work out,
you can't go back.

Not everybody can deal with my cowlick.

That is the practical dating advice

that-that I knew I would get.

Thank you.

Just say no.

I already said yes.

Then take backup.

Hey, uh, Iris?

Hey. TK.

- Can we talk?
- Sure, if you can keep up.

Hey, Seth. Hey, have you
seen Donna Burton?

She was supposed to be
in this morning for her meds.

Mm-mmm. She missed Wednesday, too.

I think we need to take
a ride out to the tracks.

SETH: I'll have Ginger
cover when she gets in.


Hey. Um, so, did you get a chance

to look at the divorce papers?

I did, and I think it's a mistake.

Look, Iris, I know life's
been super hard for you,

but you've been handling it
very bravely.

And this is not a mistake.

We are definitely not a mistake.

This man is literally my heart.

I-I think you mean figuratively.

He can't literally be your heart.

Unless you needed a transplant

and he was in some
sort of horrible accident

and was, like, brain d*ad.

But then you'd have to be a match.

You think you're a match?

In every way that matters.

If you say so.

I still think
it would be a mistake for me

to sign the divorce papers.

Look, Iris.

Carlos loves you, okay?
And he cares for you.

But he cannot stay married to you.

First of all, he's gay and he's mine.

Oh, I know.

So then why won't you
sign the divorce papers?

Because if I file for divorce,

it would be saying that
we were married and we weren't.

I mean, not really.

It would be a mistake
to say that we were.

Besides, you shouldn't be
Carlos' second marriage.

You should be his first and his last.

What are you saying?

I thought that was obvious.

No, not really.

I'm saying I don't think
we should get a divorce.

I think we should get an annulment.

Our marriage wasn't real,
but yours will be.

Thank you.

Just please don't sit me
next to a Gemini at the wedding.

They make me jumpy.

No Geminis.


Um, hey, one more thing.

When you said I was exactly
what you expected,

just curious,
what, what'd you mean by that?

Oh, that you're a hot mess.

I'm... I'm a hot mess?

Yeah. The bird with
a broken wing, a fixer-upper.

Carlos always needs a project.
More tragic, the better.

Hell, look at me.

Is that what you think I am
to Carlos, just a project?

No, no, no. I think you're
so much more than that, TK.

I think you could be his life's work.

No Geminis.

- Reverend Parks.
- Hey.

Peonies, my favorite.

My grandmama had a yard
full of 'em back in Topeka.

They always feel like home.

Well, thank you. Come on in.
Dinner's almost ready.

I hope communion wine is okay.

Uh, I didn't have enough time

to hit up the liquor store, so...

I'm kidding.

All we have back at the church
is grape juice.

It's Bordeaux. It needs to breathe.

- Bordeaux's perfect.
- Uh-huh.

You know, driving over here,

I thought I should have
insisted on taking you out.

Save you the trouble of cooking for us,

but, uh, I have to admit,
it smells so good.

I'm glad I wasn't a...

a fool.

Well, my late husband
was an amazing chef,

and he taught me
a few things along the way.

- Hey, hey.
- TOMMY: Hey.

- TOMMY: Hi Mommy.

Guess who just took a big old doo-doo

before we left the house?

And girl, I brought the salad
but I left the dressing again.

- I'm sorry.
- That's fine.

- Reverend Parks.
- Oh.

TOMMY: Hey, baby.

How about that? Howdy.

Yeah, how about that?


We weren't expecting
to see you here tonight.

Al-also, it was our daughter Charlie

that did the doo-doo.

TREVOR: Right. Right.


Who's my goddaughter? You.

Girls, dinner.

TOGETHER: Hello, Reverend Parks.

TREVOR: Hey. Uh...

- JUDD: Hey, Rev, just get comfortable.
- Yeah, sit down.

- Sit down wherever you want.
- (COOS)

Well, alright. Alright.

- TOMMY: Well...

Hope everybody's hungry.

JUDD: Ooh.



You know, Strand, you might be
a hell of a f*re captain.

But you're not much of a spy.

You know how easy it was
for me to find that thing?

It's only 'cause
you saw me put it there.

Actually, I didn't.

But I have pulled over enough

pot-addled college students in this town

to know when someone's acting guilty.

Care to explain?


I don't really feel like I need
to explain myself to a n*zi.

A n*zi?

Oh, come on. Look at the ruddy
complexion, the piercing blue eyes.

You look like a piece of fascist art.

To protect and serve, O'Brien.

That's what we both swore.

And you're a disgrace.

Who do you work for, Owen?


Get out of my house.

You know, you're lucky
it was me who found that

and not somebody else.

Oh, and, you know, Red does have

security cameras in the office.

Yeah, I took care of that for you.

And now I have to figure out
how to take care of you.

What's that supposed to mean?

Grab a helmet. We're going for a ride.


I don't really feel like
cooking tonight.

Do you wanna order in?

That's fine.

CARLOS: Any ideas?

Mexican? Thai?

I don't care, you pick.

CARLOS: Come on, dude. I always pick.

Yeah, you do always pick.
You like to pick.

CARLOS: I do. I do like to pick.

So why don't you surprise me tonight?

Maybe this marriage is a bad idea.

Okay, that surprised me.


Hey, what's going on?

Do you see me as a project?

A project?

Like something that needs fixing,

like a bird with a broken wing

or a tragic case in need of rescuing?


What are you talking about?

When you married Iris...

did you feel like you can fix her

or save her from her illness?

First off, when I married Iris,

she wasn't showing
any signs of schizophrenia.

And I already told you, TK,

when I married Iris, I was a project.

I was trying to fix myself.

But I was trying to fix something...

that wasn't actually broken.

And when did you figure that out?



...the day I met you.

Shut up.


So you don't think I'm a hot mess?

Oh, no, You're a... You're a hot mess.

But you're my hot mess.

- I hate you.
- Yeah?



Yeah. This is Officer Reyes.

More coffee, Reverend?


No, thank you. It's getting late.

And I should relieve
Deacon and Mrs. Wallace

from their babysitting duties.


That was a glorious meal, Sister Vega.

Thank you for a lovely evening.

And I'll see y'all on Sunday, I trust.

- GRACE: You will.
- Unless you've already had enough of me

for one week.

Yeah, we'll be there Sunday.

Um, and, Rev,
those-those short sermons...

- (SMACKS LIPS) Ooh. Ooh.

I will keep that in mind, my brother.

- GRACE: Good to see you, Reverend.

- He said he'll keep it in mind.
- Stop it.

Um, thank you again.

- Good night.
- Good night, Reverend.

Come over here quickly.

I hope you're proud of yourself.

I know. I should have told you.

I... (SIGHS)

GRACE: Yeah.

Told us what?

Judd. (LAUGHS)

My love.

Did you not realize that
we were the third and fourth

and fifth wheels on a date tonight?

- Oh.
- No?

No. Y'all know that, uh...

- That explains the cologne.
- Hmm.


GRACE: So, what happened?

Because you were supposed to tell him

that you weren't interested.

Yes, I know, and I had planned to, okay?

And then he asked me out,
and my brain said one thing,

but then my lips and my body

just decided to play on another team.

If this was your idea of a first date,

I'm pretty sure he got the message.

Oh, my. I feel terrible.

- As you should, friend.
- TOMMY: Ugh.

The worst part is,

that he's... Lord, he's so charming.

And you were right.

Yes, Grace, you're right.

I think I like him.

GRACE: Tommy, I don't even wanna hear it

because the man is
probably already on his way

back to Kansas now.


Did he forget something?

He probably wants his flowers back.



Next time, let's ditch the chaperones.

TOMMY: Uh-huh.

Y'all have a good night.

Well, I think you still got a sh*t.



APD DETECTIVE: Officer Reyes.

Come with me.

Patrol unit spotted the car
about an hour ago.

You recognize it?


It's registered to a Iris Blake.

I called you because
we found this on the seat.

Divorce papers.

Your name's on them.

Any idea why your wife might
have been out here, officer?

She works with the homeless.

In fact, she used to be one of 'em.

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