04x09 - Mildred the Detective

[bunniefuu]

I can't believe I did it.

You know what this means, Enid?

You're in the Witch World Games.

You mean...

..leave Cackles?

It's just you and me now, Maud.
The terrible twosome.

SHE GRUNTS

SHE SCREAMS

CHEERING

MEOWING

SHE SIGHS

CREAKING

You're thinking of...

..the Taj Mahal?

The letter J.

That's close.

Mildred, where are they?

Where are what? Your manners?

Ethel, I know today's head girl
challenge is mind reading,

but we might need a bit
more to go on.

My head girl badges.

I know you've taken them!

You want to do this the hard way?

Fine.

This is a locating crystal.

Prepare to be exposed
as the sneaky cheat

I've always suspected you to be.

Crystal clear,
through all can see,

take me to my property.

BARKING

Whoa!

ETHEL SCREAMS

Let go of it, Ethel!

Out of my way!

ETHEL YELPS

SHE SCREAMS

SHE WHIMPERS

So, how do you explain this?

My badges? Why would I hide them
on the roof?

The same reason you tried to trick
me into withdrawing

from the head girl race,
with that nonsense story

about, "Ooh, bad things."

Because you're losing
and you're desperate.

What I saw was real.

If you win, something terrible
will happen.

Deny it all you want.

Lets see what Miss Cackle
has to say about this.

If it wasn't us who stole the badges
and hid them, then who did?

If we master broomstick agility,

we'll be back in HB's good books
before you can say...

..what a...

..mess?

Who is responsible for this?

Um, it was like this
when we got here.

I believe you.

The magic required for this
is beyond you both.

I am afraid there will be no more
broomstick flying

until I get to the bottom of it.

The food you ordered -
four more crates outside.

What are you doing,
stockpiling for a hurricane?

Better, hosting an exclusive
coven dinner

to pass my etiquette certificate.

A certificate?
Keep your feet out of the soup

and always thank your cook,
what else do you need to know?

Only witches with an etiquette
certificate

get invited to the best galas.

It's a social death without one.

Speaking of social death...

Mum, you should see this.

Get a hobby, you misfits!

Oh!

The broomstick shed
is in a similar state.

And Miss Tapioca has just reported
disarray in the kitchen.

Call an emergency
assembly immediately...

..Hecate. With pleasure, Ada.

One part diluted nectar...

Oh.

GIGGLING

Mutated molecules!

HE GRUNTS

A-ha!

Got you! Ow!
GIGGLING

Ooh.

HE SIGHS

Chalk is no match for me!

HE GASPS

Congratulations, Mr Daisy.

Everyone is to report to the hall...

..immediately...

..Mr Daisy.

Come on, chop chop.

Your attention, girls.

A number of disturbances
have been reported.

One of you present here
is responsible.

And I will give the culprit
one opportunity to do

the honourable thing and own up.

Very well.

Until the prankster owns up,

privileges are revoked forthwith

and this weekend's picnic
is cancelled.

What? Mildred Hubble, Ethel Hallow,
I will see you both in my office.

You may go.

Fear not, Fenella. This will not
affect your etiquette test.

I trust you have prepared the coven,

sourced the traditional cuisine

and trained the waiting staff?

Wait... Yes...

Waiting staff, fully trained.

Hi!

How would you like to come
to a super fancy dinner?

I know you are expecting
the mind-reading challenge today.

But after recent events,

I have decided the challenge will be
a problem-solving one instead.

Whichever one of you discovers
the identity of our elusive

prankster first, will be
awarded a head girl badge.

It was Mildred Hubble.
She stole my badges.

And probably did all the other
things to throw me off the scent.

Ethel, that's bats!
A failed attempt, I might add.

That doesn't even make sense.
Enough.

There is a simple way
to get to the truth...

..and a perfect opportunity
to try...

..this, my new cauldron of truth.

Place your hands inside it...

..both of you.

Ethel.

Did you steal my badges?

No. I mean...

..did you steal my badges
and do all the other things as well?

No.

What I mean to say is... Stop.

The cauldron of truth has spoken.

Mildred is innocent.

Ethel, why would you even think
I did that?

Unless it's to get me disqualified,

because you're scared
I'm going to b*at you?

No chance!

It would seem you are
the one telling untruths, Ethel.

Calm down. The effects will wear
off shortly.

Well, now we know
who isn't to blame...

..let's figure out who is, shall we?

Well, that wasn't suspicious at all.

We could take a little look.

A quick peek can't hurt.

BANGING

Oh, tottery test tube!

Let's get out of here!

I want right angles, girls.

Right angles.

Meredith...

..did you drop that fork? Sorry.

Then it's a floor fork, isn't it?

We don't eat with floor forks,
do we?

Nice you can join us, Mabel.

Know what's awful etiquette?

Lateness.

Sorry.

Had to change after games.

Brought the misfit brigade, did you?

Well, it's a high-class dinner,
not a pity party for losers.

See ya!

Everything must be perfect.

When she invited us for dinner,
I thought we'd be eating it,

not serving it.

Are you OK? Yeah, just tired.

My new bed's all lumpy.
I haven't been sleeping great.

No idea how Mildred b*at
the cauldron of rubbish.

But I'm not letting her get
away with this.

You still think she's behind it?

Who else can it be?

At last!

Express delivery from Aunt Emerald,
who sent me the locating crystal.

"Point this at anything and it
will give you the name

"of the last person to
touch or enchant it."

Thank you, Aunt Emerald!

Wow.

That's pretty powerful.

It's broken.
It's not giving me a name!

No, it says here a question mark

means you're dealing with
an incorporeal entity.

Which is...

Something that doesn't have a body.

Three separate incidents
occurred here...

..here...

...and here.

Don't forget Ethel's badges
from her room.

Hung on a gargoyle...here.

Now, something or someone...

..ties all these Xs together.

But what?

Hey, guys!
THEY GASP

Why are you three so jumpy?

Felicity let slip that her

and Ethel are hunting
for something...

..without a body.

That would explain why there are
no witnesses.

You can't see something
that has no body.

So magic? Or a spell of some kind?

What's on your mind, Clarice?

Well...

..I like Mr Daisy, but...

..if you're investigating goings-on,

you might want to check
out the shed.

BUBBLING

BANGING

Who is it?

Mildred and Maud. Um...

Can we have a word?

Um, just a minute!

BANGING AND CRASHING

Hm? Come in, come in.

Is everything OK, Mr Daisy?

Oh, wonderful, Maud.
How are you both?

Uh, yes. Um...

We're wonderful, too.

Um...

We were just investigating
the happenings around the school.

And we thought you could help.

Uh, well, happenings aren't
exactly in my wheelhouse, sorry.

What is in your wheelhouse?

HE SQUEAKS

We're thinking whoever's behind it
all must've used a spell.

Oh! Well, why don't you try
using back-tracing spell residue

to the spell caster?

Is that even possible? Of course.

I mean, it's not easy, but, uh...
You know...

..it's...

Here.

I don't know what he's
doing in there,

but I don't think he's capable
of anything villainous.

Either that or he's the worst
master criminal ever.

Anything from Mildred or Ethel?
Not yet.

But Ethel is imminently capable.

Unlike that buffoon over there.

Mr Daisy has a fine scientific mind.

He can barely hold a stick of chalk.

You exaggerate, Hecate!

HE YELPS

Once we add this, the vapour will
reveal the spell residue.

We follow that to whoever did this.

I...

..don't see anything.

Did you miss something out?

I used everything Mr Daisy gave us.
Where's the spell residue?

It's supposed to be everywhere
magic is used, so...

Unless a magic spell didn't do this.

But what could have done all these
things without magic?

Or a body?

What if it's a ghost?

Witches don't believe in ghosts,
Mildred. There's no such thing.

Thank you.

Nod to the witch on your left,
then to the witch on your right.

Now raise your enchanted egg juice.

Sorry, did you say egg juice?

As in juice from an egg?

Now, we don't talk during toasts,
do we, Mabel?

To the witches before us and all
that follow,

we honour you.

Now we eat. Everyone, sit.

Fish mousse, a traditional delicacy.

Made of jellied leftovers
from a familiar's breakfast.

FAINT GROANING

You're really not selling it.

That's the fish-eyed fork
for fish eyes.

And that's the eel skewer!

For skewering eels, is it?

GASPING

GIGGLING AND MABEL COUGHS

Uh...

May I be excused?

Absolutely.

I've dreamed of coming
here for so long.

Not just to teach, but to learn

from witches,
like THE Hecate Hardbroom.

But I fear I haven't made the best
impression on her at all.

That's when you know
she likes you...

..when she hates you, that is.

That's very kind of you...

..but, no.

Poor Mr Daisy.

How's the party going?

Is it as swish as we've heard?

Come on, Mabel, spill the beans.

Any real food in here?

Now, that's what I'm talking about!

Let's have our own party.

GIGGLING

I'd be honoured if you would
accompany me

for a turn about the garden.

There's something rather...

HE WHISPERS: ..top-secret that
I would like you to see.

Hello, Ethel. How's it going?

Almost solved it.

And how are you doing?

Just a matter of time.

JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYS

What was that?

How are those theories going, Maud,

cos I think we've just
found a ghost?

MUSIC STOPS

Did it leave? Is it still here?

Whoa!

I'm guessing still here. Hello?

It's escaping!

SPLASHING

Follow that hand, Maud!

Come in, everyone's welcome.

We've got a coven of our own now.

Wonder how Fenella's getting on!

LAUGHTER

There, come on!

Here's another one, Mil!

Everything all right in here?

They all left me. Traitors.

Does that mean we can...?
Just leave!

What is it? Did you see it?

I knew it, it's not a ghost. No.

It's a shadow. Azura's shadow.

It has no body, didn't need to cast
spells, so no residue,

and it's invisible in the dark,

which is why there were
no witnesses.

How did this happen?

I don't know.

Let's find out.

Hello?

I need to talk to you.

We think your shadow's terrorising
the school.

Look.

It's gone.

What? How?

You tell us.

Has anything weird happened in
the last few days?

Well, I moved rooms,
and I cast a little spell,

but apart from that...

FENELLA: Help!

LAUGHTER

You're supposed to eat the food,
Fenella, not roll in it!

It's not funny!

Something att*cked me,
some shadow creature.

GASPING

It's here!

No!

WHISPERING

GASPING

It's after me!

SCREAMING

Where are you going?

Someone help me!

SCREAMING

Stop it, somebody!

Darkest creature of the night,
that shrinks away before the light,

heed my words and disappear,
I cast you out,

be gone from here!

Reverse the spell, Azura, do it now.

Uh...

I can't remember what I said.

There's always a reversal,
you just have to remember the spell.

All my fears...

SCREAMING

..tightly bound,

is shadows deep without a sound,

make it leave, this thing we fear...

..cast it out and disappear.

GASPING

Clarice...

I...

I don't know how...

I...

You did it, Mil. You solved it!

It's this room.

It's too scary,
and I miss sharing with Izzy,

so I did the spell to
take my fears away,

so I wouldn't be afraid any more.

I didn't think it would work.
But it did.

Only...it must have put your fears
into the shadow

and sent that away as well.

And because fear is a negative
energy, it just got up to mischief.

This is all my fault. You saw
Miss Cackle, how cross she was.

And when all the other girls find
out it was me who got the picnic

cancelled and I didn't own up,
no-one will speak to me ever again!

I'll be an outcast.

We'll be outcasts together.

HB doesn't even think
we should be here.

Maybe she'll throw us
out altogether.

Don't worry, Azura.

I'll fix it.

You have to tell
Miss Cackle the truth,

or you'll lose the badge.

Thank you.

I called you misfits. That you did.

I banned you from my coven.

Pretty much. It was quite mean.

But when I was in trouble...

..you still helped me.

That's what being a witch is
all about,

being there for each other.

Maybe covens aren't such
a good idea.

SHE SIGHS

Well, did either of you solve
the problem

of the mystery prankster?

It's a serious matter -
someone must take the consequences.

Well, Miss Cackle...

..after much consideration...

It was me, Miss Cackle.

I knew it!

I said that from the start.

Um...

It was the head girl contest.

It was getting to me.

So, I...

..cast a spell to get
rid of my stress.

Obviously, something must have
gone wrong somehow,

which caused all the weird
stuff to happen.

The cauldron of truth never lies.

But I didn't know it was me, then.

And obviously, when I did realise
I reversed it straight away.

I'm so sorry.

But that means no-one wins, right?

Ethel's only two badges ahead.

Three badges, I'm afraid, Mildred.

It takes a brave person
to admit their mistakes,

but Ethel is quite right.

She did say it was you at the start.

Which means...

..Ethel wins this challenge.

All privileges are thus restored,
and the picnic is back on.

But not for you, Mildred.

You'll be far too busy scrubbing
the great hall and kitchen

until completely clean.

MILDRED CLEARS HER THROAT
Yes, Miss Cackle.

Mildred Hubble.

A word.

Please, Miss Hardbroom,
she really didn't mean any harm.

Miss Hardbroom... I...

Izzy was just leaving.

No.

Isabella may stay.

I have something for you, Azura.

Is she for me? She's so cute!

I love her!
MEOWING

Thank you, Miss Hardbroom!
Thank you so, so much.

You are most welcome.

With a familiar by your side,

you need never feel alone
in the dark again.

Her name is Shadow.

Taking the blame for Azura's
mistake was...

..a kind thing to do,
Mildred Hubble.

You may turn out to be
head girl material yet.

Thank you, Miss Hardbroom.

I hope so.

The Head Girl Triathlon.

Mildred will need to win all three
to stay in the competition.

Ethel's going to win it
and make everyone disappear.

I have to stop her.

Come on, Tabby.
MEOWING

I'm head girl!

If I can turn back time
and win the triathlon,

then my vision will never have
come true.

Here we go again.