02x09 - Serpent of Evil River/The Transplant

[bunniefuu]

We interrupt this program to bring you
Courage the Cowardly Dog Show.

Starring Courage the Cowardly Dog.

Abandoned as a pup...

...he was found by Muriel,
who lives in the middle of Nowhere...

-...with her husband, Eustace Bagge.
- Agh.

ANNOUNCER'.
But creepy stuff happens in Nowhere.

It's up to Courage to save his new home.

Stupid dog! You made me look bad.

[ALL YELL]

Aye there, mateys.

You tired of doing the same old chores
around the house?

- Eustace, he's talking ta me.
- Why would he do that?

Then join me on a seafaring adventure.

I promise, never a dull moment,
and there's always a catch.

New, that sounds exciting.

And the trip is free
for the first three passengers.

We'll take it.

Aye, lubbers. I'm Sharky, your captain.

Goad to have you aboard.

Ha-ha-ha. Lubbers.

Aye, I can smell those fish
just begging for me bait.

Time to ship out.

Ship out. Thrilling.

And the way he says "aye,"
that just tickles me.

Aye. Ha-ha-ha.

I can't wait to land me a big one.

Haw about you, Eustace?

[SNORING]

Aye, me mateys.

The Wind's right, the salt is calling...

...and the party's aver.

Wham? Huh?

[ROARS]

[YELLS]

Okay, lubbers, here's haw it shakes out.
You're me crew.

- You, baldy, you're me engineer.
-Huh'?

Hey, this ain't what we signed up far.

- I want me money back.
-You didn't spend any money.

- Trip's free.
- Oh, right.

Well, then where's the catch you promised?

Aye, the catch is,
you're either working as me crew...

...or I'll be using you as an anchor.

[GRUNTS]

[MUTTERS]

And you,
you're in charge of making the grub.

Haw exciting. I'm making the grub.

Grub. I loving saying "grub."

Grub, grub, grub.

And you, you jellyfish,
get ready to grow some teeth.

Shape up real quick,
because you're me first mate.

Gut that?

[GROWLING]

You gut that?

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

You climb up there
and watch for the bend in the river.

He's so authentic. It's all so authentic.

Just like an the telly.

What are we fishing for,
if you don't mind me asking?

Big catch.

[LAUGHING]

[SCREAMS]

Cw!

[SQUAWKING]

[GASPS]

[MUTTERING]

[HUMMING]

[YELLING]

[SHOUTING]

[LAUGHING]

Salty. New we're ready for the big catch.

Welcome to Evil River.

Thrilling. Ha-ha-ha.

You can't catch what we're gonna catch
without being brave.

Aye, the sea can turn bays into men...

...and men into salty men.

[ROARING]

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

New you're ready to catch Carmen.

Hold an tight.

What, you think I'm crazy?

Help me first mate hold an to the line.

[YELLING]

This is so authentic.

[SCREAMING]

That was so thrilling,
getting dragged underwater...

...and thrown onto the deck
like a fresh-caught flounder.

I'm going to the galley
to whip up some brine muffins.

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

The engine's gone.
It's do or die now, mateys.

We have ta get that serpent
afore she gets us.

But we be out of bait.
We need to change the strategy.

Use a lure,
something big and round and chewy.

Mr. Sharky, captain, sir, do we have
some more brine for my muffins?

Big and round and chewy.

That's haw I always make my muffins.

Na.

Hey, don't be looking at my wife
like she was bait.

I'll split me booty with you.

I'm getting a fortune to bring in Carmen.

- So this bait thing, it's safe, right'?
-Aye.

[BARKING]

Drag me scurvy farmer first mate up there...

...and tie him up so he won't get in the way.

[WHIMPERS]

New, Carmen likes opera, she dues,
so play her these tunes, and it will attract her.

Opera and adventure. Thrilling.

When the creature gets close enough,
grab it with these giant serpent tongs.

[mes LING]

- You're sure it's safe, now'?
-Solid as the sea is wet.

MURIEL:
This is so exciting.

Coming face-ta-face
with creatures of the briny deep...

...swimming with--

[LAUGHING]

[OPERA MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

[SCREAMS]

Cw!

[LAUGHING]

I ain't leaving these waters
with an empty net.

I'm going in after Carmen myself.

[SHIVERING]

[MONKEYS GIBBERING]

What-f? Huh?

[OPERA MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

Stay back.

Stay back.

[GIBBERING]

[FEMALE VOICE SINGING OPERA MUSIC]

Carmen's not such a bad girl after all.

She just wanted an audience
for her beautiful voice.

What an adventure.

[SCREAMS]

Oh, captain, you salty sailor you.

[ROARS]

AYE. you.

Oaf!

[CONTINUES SINGING]

Pathetic piece of plankton.

[GROANS]

That was the mast thrilling adventure
of my life.

It was all so authentic.

I just hope Eustace gets home okay,
wherever he is.

Stupid, dumb monkeys.

MURIEL: You once were so pretty
and smelled so sweet.

Huh? Agh.

And new look at you.

I t*nk a bath last Tuesday.

I wasn't talking to you, Eustace.

Courage, do your stuff.

Nun-hm!

Courage.

Courage, you can stop now.

Or maybe you can't.

Did you find something?

[GROANING]

What do you suppose that came from?

Hey, guys. Check out the bane.

Grand. Grand.

My posies. Oh, my.

COMPUTER:
What a hideous sculpture.

I detest modern art.

All right, here's what you want to know.

It's from a very rare, very extinct,
very huge kangaroo monster.

[GASPS]

COMPUTER:
A social, outgoing creature...

...that loved to crush anything that moved
to a pulpy pancake.

[LAUGHING]

COMPUTER:
But that was then. This is now.

They're all extinct.

And the bones are very, very valuable.

Ten thousand going once.

Ten thousand going twice.

- Ten thousand going--
- Ten thousand and 50 cents.

Ten thousand and 50 cents
going once, twice...

...sold to the ugly rich guy.

Okay, bidding for this baby starts at 8.

Na, 10.

Na, $50,000.

What did one subatomic particle say
to the other subatomic particle?

I don't know that one.

What did one subatomic particle say
to the other subatomic particle?

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[LAUGHING]

Oh, you are cheeky.

[BARKING]

Stupid bane-stealing dog. Give that back.
Och!

[GRUNTING]

Oh.

Oh, no, this is not good.
You need a disc transplant.

Yes, a disc transplant.

Oh, my, that sounds serious.

- Sounds expensive.
DOCTOR: Very serious.

It's hard ta find bane
that's just the right size and shape.

But you have ta. Otherwise there are terrible,
terrible complications.

Complications.

[BARKING]

That'll do.

This is a very delicate procedure.
Very delicate.

Only the mast advanced methods
can be employed.

It requires great care, keen awareness...

...and a practiced, steady hand.

Aah, aah!

[THUDDING]

[EUSTACE GROANING]

Me back. Me aching back. Agh!

Darn doctor don't know what he's doing.

- Would you like me to walk on your back'?
-And crush me'?

Walking an me back.

Trying to destroy me.

[MOANING]

[GRUNTS THEN SIGHS]

[GROANING]

[YELLING]

Courage, can you go see if Eustace is okay?

[MOANS]

Is everything okay, Courage?

[SCREAMS]

[MURIEL SCREAMING]

Courage! Help!

[LAUGHING]

Well, that's one skyscraper
that won't be scraping no skies.

Help! Help!

MAN: And if you want help, try new
Dilly Drops, for that aching, itchy feeling.

What do I do? What do I do?

COMPUTER: The kangaroo monster
is nearly impossible to defeat.

Hey, not so hard. I didn't dig up the bone.

The only thing
that can defeat a kangaroo monster...

...is another kangaroo monster.

Please deposit 25 cents
for the next five minutes...

...or your call will be interrupted.

[COMPUTER LAUGHS
THEN ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]

COMPUTER:
Hey.

Some people can't take a joke.

Well, a piece of the bane did chip off...

...during the very careful procedure
an your farmer.

I was using it as a jewelry item.

I could insert it into your back...

...but I've never done the procedure
an a dog before.

There's no telling what could happen.
Na telling at all.

[LAUGHING]

Eustace, you really shouldn't be doing this.
it's just not neighborly.

Goad. Goad recovery.

Say, is that the Taj Mahal?
I've always wanted ta see the Taj Mahal.

Traveling is so much fun.

[CRASHING]

Oh, my. I should have taken a picture.

Still breathing. Goad sign.

[YELLING]

[SCREAMING]

Paris is such a beautiful city.

[CONTINUES SCREAMING]

Put Muriel dawn.

Make me.

Oh. "W"

[BOTH GRUNTING]

American swine. Bah.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

What's-f? Huh?

Mm.

Ow. Agh. Stupid dog.

Muriel, I'll save you.

Agh!

[SIREN CHIRPING]

Huh?

This landmark is not zoned for the occupancy
by two kangaroo monsters.

Only one allowed.

[LAUGHING]

Eh?

What's-f?

- Yummy.
- Oh, no.

[GASPS]

[LAUGHING]

[YELLING]

[SCREAMING]

Oh, Courage, so good to see you.

The removal of the kangaroo-monster bane
was a success.

You might feel sure,
but there should be no side effects.

- Na side effects at all.
- Eh!

Ah-oo-g a! Ha-h a-h a.

[MUMBLING]

[LAUGHING]

Far his genius in the appreciation
of the French pastries...

...I present the Legion of Honour medal
to the genius monster kangaroo.

[APPLAUSE]

Who cares? Free fond.

EUSTACE:
Stupid dog!