04x12 - Cabaret Courage/Wrath of the Librarian

[bunniefuu]

-We interrupt this program to bring you

(THEME some)

Courage the Cowardly Dog show!

- Starring Courage, the Cowardly Dog!
-(COURAGE SCREAMS)

Abandoned as a pup,
he was found by Muriel,

who lives in the middle of Nowhere
with her husband Eustace Bagge.

EU ST ACE GRUNT S}
-But creepy stuff happens in Nowhere.

- It's up to Courage to save his new home.
-(SCREAMING)

Stupid dog! You made me look bad!

-(EUSTACE YELLS)
-(COURAGE SCREAMS)

Courage, look.

Delores Delores.

It's a perfect fit.

Such a lovely actress.

Wens)

EUSTACE". Stupid, girly-handed dog!

(LAUGHS)

Hey!

Watch where you're going, you fool!

I make sure you never
work in this town again!

Eh. Lousy hippie.

Come on! Let's get going.

To think I walked on the same
sidewalk as Delores Delores.

-(Dl-LUNG KISSING)
- EUSTACE: Yeah, yeah. Let's go!

Isn't Hollowood just the most
magical place on Earth?

Nope.

Come on, Eustace. Look around.

Don't all the lights make you
want to say, "Hollowood, I'm yours!"?

(SEWER LID RATTLING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

No!

(LAUGHING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL GROANING)

(MOANING)

Maybe this is one of those tours.

Of what? The stars' sewer system?

(TEETH CHATTERING AND WHIMPERING)

(SCREAMS)

Oops!

Don't be scared, Courage.

It's only a--

Creature in the wall.

Creature in the... (SCREAMS)

Welcome to Hollowood Cabaret.

I'm your host, your MC,

your audience for tonight's show.

What's the cover charge?

There is no cover charge.

In that case, start the show and bring
me some chopped meat.

(GRUMBLING) Ah, yes.

The show will begin soon.

You are the entertainment
for this evening.

(SCREAMING) No!

I don't do no entertaining.

Oh, I'm prepared to
compensate you for your talent.

If I like your performance,
I will give you...

A solid-gold truck.

Happy birthday to me.

(LAUGHING)

Where's the spotlight?

(SINGING "SWANEE RIVER" BADLY)

Give me my truck...

(CREATURE GRUMBLING)

(GURGLING AND MOANING)

Eustace never could sing.

-(SCREAMING)
-(SPLASHES)

-(COURAGE SCREAMS)
- Oh, my!

Your man gave me heartburn.

Let's move on to our next performer.

You, madam.

(PANICKED WHIMPERING)

I'm not really an entertainer.

I mean, I was the lead buttercup
in the middle school Flower Pageant.

But that was a long time ago.

If I like your performance,

I'll give you the life of one of
Hollowood's greatest legends.

It will be as if you
stepped inside the skin of...

Delores Delores.

Delores Delores!

(WHINING) No!

Courage, you're upstaging me.

Give me an F-sharp above high C.

(WHINING)

(PLAYING BEAUTIFUL PIANO MUSIC)

Now, Courage, it's not
your turn to show off.

(STRIKING KEY)

(DOES VOCAL WARM-U P)

(SINGING "I'M CALLED
LITTLE BUTTERCUP" BADLY)

(GURGLING AND MOANING)

(CONTINUES SINGING)

-(SCREAMING)
-(SPLASHES)

(CREATURE MOANING)

(SCREAMS)

More heartburn.

(MOANING)

(PANICKED YELPING)

Would you like to perform for me, dog?

Uh-uh!

Oh, really? What if I offered you

1,000 pounds of the finest sirloin,

rare and extra juicy,

prepared by the world's
finest Croatian chef?

(WHIMPERING ANXIOUSLY)

(WHIMPERING QUESTIONINGLY)

You'd like your family back, would you?

Hmm.

What if I offered you a yard
filled with handmade Italian shoes,

crafted of the finest leather
by ancient artisans

for you to chew on
to your heart's delight?

(WHIMPERS IN DISAGREEMENT)

(WHIMPERS INSISTENTLY)

Look, dog. Perform for me.

If you please me,
I'll let you pick your prize.

And we'll see how
much it takes to buy you.

I'll take it!

Hmm.

I think I might enjoy this.

(YELLING LIKE TARZAN)

(LAUGHS)

(CONTINUES YELLING)

(SCREAMS)

(LAUGHS)

Courage, save us!
I think we're getting digested.

CREATURE: Yes.
In a pool of my stomach acid.

All of this callous selfish behavior.

People selling themselves.

Their talent, their art.
For fame and fortune.

It makes me sick.

(STRAINING)

Oh!

(STRAINING)

(WHIMPERS HAPPILY)

EUSTACE: Hey, what about me?

What do I look like? Chopped liver?

(STRAINING)

What's-- Huh?

(ALL SCREAMING)

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

(PANICKED WHIMPERING)

-(WHOOSHING)
-(SCREAMS)

OW! Ooh! Ooh!

So, you really don't
want a glamorous prize?

(WHIMPERS IN DISAGREEMENT)

You are only interested in
leaving here with your family?

(WHIMPERS IN AGREEMENT)

Ah. I've never encountered such
selfless, generous behavior.

(GURGLING) I, I--

(MOANING)

Courage, I think there's
something wrong with our host.

Yeah, he's a lousy host.

I think he's having some sort of seizure.

MY, my heart,

over there, in the middle of the room.

-(HEART b*ating)
-(EKG BEEPING)

Courage, do something.
We can't just let him suffer.

(WHIMPERS IN DISAGREEMENT)

Courage!

Wens)

-(MOANING)
-(EKG CONTINUES BEEPING)

-(EKG FLATLI N ES)
-(GASPS)

(YELLING LIKE TARZAN)

Oh!

(GRUNTING)

-(HEART b*ating)
-(EKG BEEPS)

(GASPS) Yay!

Courage, you did it!
You got his heart going good and regular.

(GROANS)

You, you saved your family,
and then you saved me.

I had forgotten that anyone
could be so giving, so generous.

My heartburn is gone.

L, I feel, I feel...

Optimistic!

(NERVOUS WHIMPERING)

(QUACKS)

I think he's getting back to his old self.
Whatever his old self was.

Huh?

I was so bitter, so disgusted
with people's callousness,

that I became an ulcer in my own stomach.

But you've freed me.
How can I ever thank you?

Well, I wouldn't mind finishing the song.

Just for the love of singing.

I'd like that very much.

I wouldn't.

(DOES VOCAL WARM-U P)

Oh!

Hold it, fat lady.

(SINGING "I'M CALLED
LITTLE BUTTERCUP" BADLY)

(SCREAMING)

- Oh!
-(SPLASHES)

Hmm.

Ew!

Huh?

Courage, I thought you returned
that to the library ages ago.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Oh, my! This book is due
two years ago next Tuesday.

It's a wonder we all haven't been arrested
and sent to library prison.

You'd better return this right away.

(SHRIEKS)

Shh!

(ANXIOUS WHIMPERING)

Shh!

(REGISTER DINGS)

(WHIMPERING APOLOGETICALLY)

Shh!

(REGISTER DINGS)

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

GARGOYLES: Return what you owe,

or you owe, and owe, and owe...

(TEETH CHATTERING)

(SCREAMS)

(VOICE SHUSHING)

(WINDMILL SQUEAKING)

(PANTING HEAVILY)

(EXCLAIMS IN FEAR)

(WHINES)

Courage, I don't think it's much.
But it's all the savings I've got.

If the dog has to pay a book fine, he
should earn the money his own self.

(MUTTERING)

(GRUNTS)

(CHUCKLES)

Eustace, we should help the poor dear.

He's in this way over his head.

That's what you get for reading books.

TV's free!

Well, if we still have the book,
we might as well enjoy it.

-(SLICING)
-Oh!

And TV don't give you paper cuts, neither.

'(SLICES)
-Ah!

Stupid sharp book!

GARGOYLES: You owe, and owe, and owe,

and owe, and owe, and owe, and owe...

I feel odd.

Me too.

(STRAINING)

(GROANING)

Ahhh!

Spikes and spines, spines and spikes.

A prickled-up pixie is a pixie I like.

(FIGURINES YODELING)

(GIGG LING)

lam the pixie. The pixie am I.

I'm a blip. I'm a blur.
I'm a blink of an eye.

(GRUNTS)

Pickles and prickles, prickles and sticks.

I spy the pixie. Come here, little pix.

Why! Argh!

Oh!

(LAUGHS)

(GASPS)

(GIGG LING)

(EUSTACE GROWLING)

(GIGG LING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(MURIEL CONTINUES GIGGLING)

(GULPS)

(MURIEL GIGGLING)

Whee!

Flying fairy friend, it's you!

Come with me, fairy.
We'll flit and we'll fly.

We'll tickle that pickle.
Just you and just I.

Come fly, fairy friend.

Whee!

(SCREAMS)

Spike, the catcher's boy. It's you!

Come with me, Spikey.
We'll spike that old pix.

Bring your best trouble
and treacherous tricks.

(GIGG LING)

(EUSTACE LAUGHS)

(GRUNTS)

-(CROWD MURMURING)
- MAN: That is one chubby pixie.

(GASPS)

And then we'll all
flitter and flutter so free.

We'll all be pixies. Pixies we'll be.

-(CROWD CHEERING)
-(GASPS)

Ha-ha!

Ha-ha!

(CROWD CHEERING)

Oh!

OW, OW, ow!

-(THUD)
-(CROWD GASPS)

(GROANS IN PAIN)

There, fairy friend.

Have you forgotten? We know how to fly.

(MURIEL GIGGLING)

(PANICKED WHIMPERING)

You sick?

(PANICKED WHIMPERING)

Hmm. Let me have a look at her,
see if there's anything that I can do.

Anything at all.

- EUSTACE: Spike! Where's Spike?
-(WHIMPERING)

Sharpen my prickles.

Capture that pixie,
we'll take to the sea.

For pixies and salt air don't ever agree.

(BELL RINGING)

That's my ship.

Go get it!

(CROWD CHEERING)

After the pixie!

(DR. VINDALOO GIGGLING)

EUSTACE: OW!

Ow'.!

Spikey! I don't likey!

(GASPS)

(GROAN)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Fairy friend!

You are right. She is out of it.

Nothing I can do, nothing at all.

I'll see you in fairyland.

(BABBLING)

(GASPS)

(GIGG LING)

(GRUNTING)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(GROWLS)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(WHIMPERING ANXIOUSLY)

(PANICKED WHIMPERING)

Shh!

(REGISTER DINGS)

-(TEETH CHATTERING)
-(CROWD CHEERING)

Oh!

(CROWD CLAMORING)

(CROWD BOOING)

(BARKING HAPPILY)

(APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS)

(CROWD CLAMORING)

(REGISTER DINGS)

(PANICKED WHIMPERING)

Shh!

(BARKING ANGRILY)

(REGISTER DINGS)

Huh?

(BELL RINGING)

GARGOYLES: You have returned and paid
what you owe... What you owe...

Yes!

-(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING)
-(MONKEY SHRIEKING)

(CROWD LAUGHING)

(GIGG LING)

Ahhh!

Oh!

Eustace! What are you doing?

Dang if I know, woman.
What are you doing?

-(SNAKE HISSING)
- Huh?

(SCREAMS)

-(CROWD LAUGHING)
-(EUSTACE SCREAMING)

Oh!

(CROWD CHEERING)

Shh!

(THEME some)

EUSTACE: Stupid Dog!