04x25 - February 7, 2002

[bunniefuu]

On tonight's show He's got the boot-scootin' boogie wayne brady.

He's got an achy breaky heart chip esten.

He's got friends in low places colin mochrie.

And he's the queen of denial ryan stiles.

And I'm your host, drew carey.

Let's have some fun.

Hey, hello! Hi.

Welcome.

Thank you.

Welcome to "whose line is it anyway?" The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.

That's right The points are like 90% of your cable channels.

If you never saw the show before, What happens is these guys are gonna make up Everything you see right off the top of their heads, And at the end of the show, we pick a fake-out winner.

The winner gets to sit at the desk and relax, And the losers get a paper route in compton.

Whoo! Pretty excited, huh? Yes! All right! So, uh, anyway, let's get the thing started With a game called "superheroes" for all four of you.



[ cheers and applause ]

All these guys are gonna act out a scene for you As unlikely superheroes.

They're gonna name each superhero as they come in And try to screw up the guy after them.

But we have to screw up colin to start with, So let's have an unlikely name To colin mochrie as a superhero.



[ indistinct shouting ]

Captain shirt-man? Tacky shirt man.

Oh, tacky shirt man.

Tacky shirt man.

Good luck!

[ cheers and applause ]

I, uh I couldn't hear you because his shirt's so loud.



[ laughs ]

man How can you not be funny in that shirt? That's what I want to know.

Let's find out.

Let's find out.

And what we need is a world crisis for tacky shirt man.



[ indistinct shouting ]

What? Man: Loss of loud colors.

Loss of loud colors oh, my gosh.



[ sighs ]

That's a real crisis for tacky shirt man.

"tacky shirt man, the world's out of loud colors.

What are you gonna do?" Still not dry yet.



[ sighs ]

This is the last tacky shirt I have! Damn I should have bought more at that closing sale At h.

R.

Pufnstuf's! Ah-whoo-wa! Ah-whoo-wa! I gotta get the alarm fixed.

Oh, no a crisis! No moreLoud colors!

[ laughter ]

Man, that'sToo bad.

I hope my super friends can help me with this.

I'm sorry I'm late I'm sorry I'm late Go on.

Thank goodness you're here, "on the verge of a nervous breakdown" boy.

What? Look there's no more loud colors.

S-so? No, it's all right I'm not responsible for that! I just need your help.

Don't point at me like that! Uhr what is that? I'm just trying to help you! Don't do that! But we need Can't you do something? Come on! No.

What am I, god? Sorry I'm late.

Oh, thank god the mick jagger kid.



[ laughter ]



[ imitating mick jagger ]

I've got the last loud shirt In town, man! Where are the loud colors? He's like a chicken.



[ crowing ]

Yeah! Come on, come on! We need some satisfaction.

Sorry I'm late.

Ooh damn! Look who's here, man It's the "nkyard dog on a chain" kid.



[ snarling ]

That shirt

[ snarling ]



[ barking ]



[ snarls ]

Oh!

[ laughter ]

Now that's satisfaction, te all right! All right, well, I'm gonna go.



[ laughter, applause ]

I had no idea We were gonna have so much fun with that shirt.

And that's just the first game.

Yeah.

What? Your shirt's so loud I can't hear no.

1,000 points to colin that was really fun Just for putting up with all the shirt jokes.

It really takes the focus off my shoes.

Yeah.



[ laughter ]



[ hooting ]

Okay, now time to play a game called "sound effects.

" This is for ryan and colin.

What's your name, please?

[ laughs ]

Flo.

Flo? Well, kiss my grits, flo.

And, uh

[ laughs ]

Now, what's your name? Carmen.

Come on up here, flo and carmen.



[ cheering ]

Bring your hat if you want.

It doesn't matter.

Flo and carmen, come on.

Are you flo, or are you carmen? This is flo.

Stand right here, flo, so you don't fall, And then, carmen, you stand right here.

SoThis is flo.

Hey hey.

Come on.

This is flo Now, what's gonna happen, flo and carmen, Is that you guys are gonna help us do the scene.

Ryan and colin are gonna do a scene for us, And you guys are gonna do the sound effects.

Flo, you're gonna do the sound effects for ryan, And, carmen, you're gonna do the sound effects for colin.

Carmen colin, flo ryan.

The scene is, Ryan and colin are two english knights Preparing to defend the castle and the demanding queen From an approaching barbaric army.

We're two knights? And you guys are gonna do the sound effects for them.

You use the microphones to do the sound effects, And take it away whenever you're Sir reginald Oh, I could barely hear you

[ clears throat ]



[ laughter ]

I've worn my rubber armor today.

Oh! There's a horde of A battalion of

[ singing "william tell overture" ]



[ laughter ]

They have their own theme music! But it's the cavalry! They're in the wrong era, aren't they? We've got to fight them.

Listen the demanding queen Oh, my god.

Hello?

[ laughter ]

Apparently the queen takes offense with your shirt.

I suppose.

That shirt I'm going to put on my metal armor.

Very well.

Let me get the pants.



[ crunching ]

Actually, it's just crumpled paper, but I painted it to look like metal.

Whatever works.



[ grunting ]

You all right? Oh, it was very heavy.

That hurts.



[ grunting ]



[ squeaking ]



[ laughter ]



[ squeaking ]

No.

Sorry I didn't fix that.

No, it was a very nice try.

We'll have no problem Defeating the army with these!

[ puffing ]

Well Maybe we better get a bigger w*apon.

Pick your weapons.

I'm gonna try the crossbow.



[ slurping ]

It sounds delicious.

Yes.

So I could stick it up there.

I myself will take The big spiky ball on the end of a stic

[ whooshing ]



[ imitating siren ]

Oh they'll think it's the police! Yes! Shall we get on our horses? We shall.

Never mind about the door.

Silver! Gold! I put pillows on their feet So you couldn't hear them approach.

Ah.



[ grunts ]



[ laughter ]

Well, there's only two of us, And there's A bunch of them.



[ moaning ]

Oh and one's sick.

That evens the odds a little bit.

Let's ride towards them at full gallop, Screaming at the top of our lungs.

Are you ready? Yes!

[ singing "william tell overture" ]



[ imitating siren ]



[ singing "william tell overture" ]



[ imitating siren ]



[ laughter ]



[ buzzer ]

Thanyou, guys.

Thank you, flo, and thank you, carmen.

It was fun.

Thank you very much.



[ cheering ]

Flo and carmen! Flo and carmen!

[ imitates siren ]



[ imitates siren ]



[ imitates siren ]



[ sings "william tell overture" ]

I would love to see what colin looks like in that hat.



[ laughter ]

Can I just

[ cheering ]

Sit down.



[ whistling, hooting ]



[ imitating siren ]

We'll be right back after this! Don't go away! Welcome back, back, back, back, back, back.

Welcome back to "whose line is it anyway?" And, by the way, if you're watching the show in beirut, For god's sakes, turn off your tv and move.

I mean, god! What do we have to tell you? Let's move on to a game called "news flash.

" This is for ryan, chip, and colin.

Ryan and chip are gonna be news anchors in a studio.

Colin's gonna be in the field.

You're gonna be a reporter covering breaking news.

But what colin doesn't know is what's behind him.

He's in front of what we call a green screen.

And we digitize that on the monitor and show you a picture, But colin doesn't know what it is.

He has to guess what it is With hints given to him by chip and ryan.

So go ahead, and good luck, colin, Trying to guess what's behind you.

"who gave you the nickel?" "everybody.

" I don't get it.

Oh we interrupt this program For a special news bulletin.

We go out into the field to colin mochrie, Who is on the job reporting.

Colin, can you hear us?

[ audience groaning ]

Colin, can you hear us? Words are failing me.

Look at this! Colin, you're a brave, brave reporter.



[ audience groaning ]

I-I hate

[ laughter ]



[ audience groaning ]

Ohh Colin Yes? What a long, strange trip it's been.

Tell us about it.

Well, everything was actually pretty quiet till

[ audience groans ]

I showed up.

I think the shirt sort of set them off.

Well, colin, you look a little tired.

Later on, do you just go home and crash for a while? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Oh thought I saw something.



[ laughter ]

I'm just having too much fun watching.

Oh, well oh! Oh, that oh! Well, colin, you you've been reporting Oh ohh! When will this ever stop?! Colin oh! Oh, no! Colin, it looks like You've been reporting on this all fall.

Tell us about it.

You know, I think It pretty much says it all by itself.



[ audience groans ]

Colin, when did things Oh! When did things start to go downhill? Oh, once I showed up with the shirt, this was it.



[ audience groans ]

Oh, look at that! Oh! You know, I dare you to look at this Without going, "oh!"

[ laughter ]

Well, I know you've been spanning the globe Yes.

But you haven't really seen Any joy of victory, have you? Seen any what? Seen any what? Are you losing your grip? I'm totally losing my grip!

[ audience groans ]

Oh, that was horrible! Oh, I can ba Oh, that that I oh! Colin, I understand that you've been walking all day And your feet are sore, And I know what it's like to have the agony of "defeat.

"

[ laughter ]

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Come on oh! "I," "o," "u" sometimes "y.

" Colin, give us a brief report on what's happening.

Oh, it's just mass Oh! Oh ho-ho-ho! Oh! Oh, that looks like it hurts, doesn't it? I would ask you

[ cheers and applause ]

I was having too much fun watching that.

Ohhhhh! Colin, can you guess where you are? Oh! I Oh! Is it, like, car crashes? It's, uh Oh! It's, uh, agony of defeat Oh sports bloopers.

Yes.



[ cheers and applause ]

I know.

Oh! I got a little lost.

I had too much fun watching.

We were just watching "ooh! Oh, yeah, we're playing a game.

" Somewhere there's a guy in another room on crutches, And his friends are going, "hey, dude, you're on tv!"

[ laughter ]

"really?" Let's move on to a game called "scenes from a hat" My favorite.



[ cheering ]

Now, what happens is, before every show, We ask the audience to write down suggestions For scenes they'd like to see acted out, And we take the good ones, put them in a hat, And we're gonna see how many these guys can act out, Starting with "if actors were completely honest During their award acceptance speeches.

" There's someone under my podium.



[ laughter ]



[ sighs ]

Wow.

Um I'd like to thank the dark one for, uh This is, uhWow.



[ laughter ]

Man, you don't know how many butts I've

[bleep]

Just to get this.



[ laughter ]

It's been an honor Working with colin mochrie all these years.



[ laughter ]

All right.

"circus acts that didn't last long.

"

[ laughs ]



[ imitating chicken ]



[ laughter ]

yah da-da-da la-da la-da-da-da yah da-da-da la-da la-da-da-da yah da-da la-da, yah da-da la-da da la-la

[ cheers and applause ]

yah-da-da-da-da-da-da yah-da-da-da-da-da yah-da-da-da da-da da-da da ya-ah, da-ah

[ thud ]



[ laughter ]

"odd things for a lounge singer to sing about.

" I passed a stone today I passed a stone today

[ audience hooting, laughing ]

it's time for a prostate examination don't stand behind me after I get finished eatin' trust me, it's not good because I'll blow your hair off vrrt yes, indeed because I cannibalism cannibalism gotta go

[ imitates glissando ]

these words, they come so whimsically I know your wife biblically but please

[ laughs ]

I'd love to see phyllis diller in spandex

[ buzzer ]



[ laughter ]

Hey, we'll be right back right after this.

Don't go away! welcome back to "whose line is it anyway?" Wayne brady's the winner tonight.

How about that? So the rest of us are gonna do a game for you Called "hoedown" yeah! With laura hall Laura hall on the piano laura hall.

Now, what we need from the audience This section over here We need a suggestion of a group of people you hate.



[ indistinct shouting ]

Backstreet boys.



[ hooting ]

I got nothing personally against the backstreet boys, But the audience wants to hear the song, So we're gonna do the backstreet boys hoedown.

Take it away, laura hall.



[ introduction plays ]



[ rhythmic clapping ]

Yee-haw! them backstreet boys, I think they really stink it isn't anything personal they're just not nsync this might be kinda weird it could be a shock but I still got a poster of the new kids on the block

[ cheers and applause ]

well, I hate radio today they don't have anything good to play all they play is junk they are in a rut I wish they'd take the backstreet boys and shove 'em up their butt

[ cheers and applause ]

I hate the backstreet boys they bug me like no one else can so I came up with a really cunning plan I kidnap them and then I show them oh, how to hurt I made them all wear a copy of my shirt

[ cheers and applause ]

a lot of people think that they're the best ones in the land but the backstreet boys aren't my kind of band many people think that they are heaven-sent but you're not a band unless you play an instrument

[ finale plays ]

[ cheers and applause ]

All right, we'll be right back With more "whose line" right after this.

Eading the credits for you.

I want you all to read the credits for us As if you were watching horrible sports bloopers.

Thanks for watching.

Good night! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Danny breen and and Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ryan stiles Ray miller, steven blum Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! And ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Robert lowry oh, this ohh! Ohh! Yeah, that's bad.

That's really bad.