03x02 - Mind Over Chatter/A Quackor Cartoon/Momdark

[bunniefuu]

[Clock ticking]

Tell me.
No.

No.
Tell me.

Tell me.
No.

Tell me.

Dexter,
for the last time--

tell me! Tell me!
Tell me!

Absolutely not.

But I must know.

And you shall...
In exactly days.

But I can't wait
that long.

You've already waited
almost a year.

What's another days?

Well, technically,
there are still days,
hours, and --

make that
minutes left.

And the answer
issti

that's final!

Now, if you don't mind,

I have a very important
article

on car waxes to read.

Ha ha ha!

Boys.

[Door slams]

Hi, Dexter!

Why the long face,
Dexter?

[Sighs]

Dad won't tell me

what he's giving me
for my birthday.

Ha ha, Dexter,
silly! For someone
who's so smart,

you sure are dumb.

Don't you know?
Dad never
tells a secret.

You'd have to be
a mind reader to
figure this one out.

I am still alive.

My cerebellic transfer wave
inducer is a success.

I can now read the minds
of whomever I wish.

Dad, what did you get me
for my birthday?

Overslept again,
Dex?

I see you didn't
even have time
to comb your hair.

I said, what did
you get me

for my birthday?

[Thinking]
Heh heh heh!

Now I shall
read his mind.

Ha ha!
When pigs fly, Dexter.

The answer
is still no.

Huh?

Mom:
Come on, son.

No time
for chitchat.

Now, Dexter. Sit down
and eat your breakfast.

Dexter, thinking:
Yuck! Mom's oatmeal
tastes like barf.

Oh!

Dexter,
don't be rude!

Huh?

[Thinking]
That sister of mine:

What
a ferocious pig!

Hey! I'm no pig!

That is enough, Dexter.
Time for school.

But wait.
Dad, what--

the answer is no.
Now git!

[Thinking]
Dad with his stubborn
poo-poo doodyhead!

Dad: I heard that.

Mom: And we
are gonna have

a serious talk
about your potty mouth

when you get home
from school today.

[Thinking]
Wait. How come I could not
read dad's mind?

Why did mom say I was rude?

How did Dee Dee know
I called her a ferocious pig?

Unless...

Oh, no. My invention
has backfired.

I must get back to the--

Dee Dee: Come on, Dexter.

We're gonna be late
for the school bus.

[Thinking]
Oh, no! What have I done?

Everyone can read
my thoughts.

I must keep my mind blank.

Did you say
something, Dex?

Not quite.

[Thinking]
Heh heh. I must keep
my mind blank,

keep an empty head.

Empty head.
Empty head.

Hey! Who are
you calling
an empty head?

Get back here!

[Thinking]
Don't think anything.
Nothing--

nothing at all.

Oh, but that kid
is so ugly,

and that one
has crazy hair.

Oh, and look at
those braces.

Chubby cheeks, pizza face,
pencil nose, sasquatch.

Oh, what am I thinking?

Heh heh heh.
Just kidding.

Hey, what's up
with that kid?

Dee Dee's
little brother.

Ah.

[Thinking]
I must get through school

as safely
and as swiftly as possible.

Good morning, class.

Class: Good morning,
Mr. Muzinsky.

Mr. Muzinsky: Hope everyone
had a wonderful weekend.

[Thinking]
Don't say anything.
Don't think anything.

Now, today we are going to
discuss one of my favorite
historical figures:

George Washington carver.

[Thinking]
Yes. All I have to do
is take notes.

No thinking.

Mr. Muzinsky:
George Washington carver,

born in diamond grove,
Missouri, around ,

developed over uses
for peanuts.

Dexter, thinking:
uses for peanuts.

One of carver's
most infamous uses
for peanuts...

Dexter, thinking:
Uses for peanuts...

Was his crop rotation
method,

which alternated
nitrate-producing legumes...

Dexter, thinking:
Legumes...

[Class giggling]

Such as peanuts--

with cotton...

Dexter, thinking:
With cotton.

[Class giggling]

...which depletes soil
of its nutrients.

Dexter: Which depletes soil
of its nutrients.

[Voices overlapping]
Southern farmers soon began
planting peanuts one year

and cotton the next.

Mr. Muzinsky: And if Dexter
doesn't stop mimicking me,

he'll be going
to the counselor's office

after lunch.

Dexter, thinking: He'll
be going to the counselor's
office after lunch.

Dexter, thinking:
The day is almost over.

All I have to do
is get through lunch
and the counselor's office,

and I'll be ok.

In fact, all this excitement
has made me quite famished.

Woman: Hey! Hey, kid!

Dexter: Huh?

Yes?

Aah!

I said,
do you want gravy

with your
meatloaf surprise?

Dexter, thinking:
Holy moly!

Huh?

Oh, I'm sorry.
I'll have--

[thinking]
Mole!

I was just trying to--

[thinking]
Mole!

Dexter: I didn't mean--

[thinking]
Hairy mole!

I don't know
what I'm saying.

[Thinking]
Mole!

Anything else?

No, mole--
I mean, ma'am.

[Thinking]
How am I going to
get through this?

The counselor will hear
my every thought.

Not...unless she hears
my every word.

I do not call myself
"boy genius" for nothing.

Dexter? I'm ready
to see you now.

Mrs. Morris,
so nice to see you.

It's been a while,
hasn't it?

I am terribly sorry
about what happened.

I don't know what
got into me today.

I think I'm having
quite a bit of
stress, actually--

the harsh reality
of life

battling my inner
ideal instincts,

my need to succeed
and excel

at everything
precious to me.

I feel it slipping

through my delicate
little fingers.

Maybe I'm lost
in my search

for my own identity.

You can
understand that,

can't you,
Mrs. Morris?

Well, of course
I can, Dexter.

Good. Well,
I must be going,

and thank you
so very much for this
insightful discussion.

You have given me
quite a lot
to think about.

Oh, Dexter?

Yes?

Keep in touch,
won't you?

Well, of course,
I will...

[Thinking]
Sucker.

[Whimpering]

Dexter: It is not fair.
Nothing is coming out
right.

Why does everything
have to be so hard?

This whole thing stinks.

I have had enough!

I must reverse this
at once.

I think my cerebellic transverse
wave inducer is a success...

At last.

Dad?

Yes, Dexter?

What did you get me
for my birthday?

Dexter, how many times
are you going to ask?

I'm not telling you...

[Thinking]
That I got you some
amazing, one-of-a-kind

multi-functional socks--

all wool, soft to the touch,

yet breathable and supple.
Fully lined...

Man, I went through
all of that just for
a pair of stupid socks?

I know, I know.
You don't have to tell me.

[Yawns]

Another day, another
giant leap for mankind.

Good night, monkey.

Be a good monkey

and watch over the lab
while I sleep.

[Monkey chattering]

[Screeches]

[Quacks]

[Cackles]

I know my duck
is here, Dexter.

Now give it back!

I do not have
your stupid duck,
mandark,

and I'll prove--

aah!

Aah.

Ohh.

[Gibberish]

[Honk honk]

Mom!

Mom!

Hi, kids.

Mom!

Mom!

Mommy!

You're home!

Hi, Dex.

How was your day, kids?

Oh, mom.
It was fantastic.

Yeah,
it was cool.

How cool?

Real cool!

Really?

Yeah. Yeah.
It was cool.

Such an insignificant
and putrid waste

of the human race.

He offers no benefit
to society,

no improvement
to culture,

no magnanimity
to the integrity of boyhood--

a despicable character,

self-seeking
at anyone's expense--

if you will, a rat
in the sewer of life.

Dexter...

Also known as "stupid
stinky doodyhead!"

I hate Dexter!
I hate Dexter!

I must defeat him.

I must destroy his lab,
but how?

Dexter may be small, puny,
even sickly at times,

but his brain
defies its size.

I must infiltrate
Dexter's home,

learn his weaknesses,
prey on his flaws,

and most importantly,

put an end
to his scientific career
and laboratory for all time!

But how?

How can I get
close enough to Dexter

without revealing
my true identity?

Be right back, kids.

Left a bag in the car.

Oh! Would you look at that?

Darn.

Come here, little tomato.

Mandark: With Dexter's mother
cryogenically captured

in suspended animation,

followed by an obligatory
suit-up sequence,

I can become--

momdark! Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

It's bedtime, Dexter...

Permanently!

Oh, hello.

Ahem.

Hello, kids.

Hi, mom!

Hi, mom!

Well, I guess
I'll, uh,

be upstairs.

This is too easy.

I should have thought
of this years ago.

And now to destroy.

Hee hee hee!

The moment I've been
waiting for.

Dad: Honey, I'm home!

Where are you?

Uh, coming.

Drat!

Dad: Ha ha ha!

Oh, that's great, Dex.

You're a cool
young dude.

Yoo-hoo,
honeycakes!

Uh, mom here.

Uh, um, how--
how was your day?

Very exciting?

Hey, how about a hug
for your overworked hubby?

Ooh. Working out again,
sweet cheeks?

Ow!

Oh, honey,
was that your foot?
I'm so sorry.

Gee, dad.
Are you ok?

Ha ha!

Yeah, but all this
jumping around

sure has made me
hungry.

Out!

Huh?

I have
to cook dinner.

Now out, out,
out, out, out,
out, out, out.

Dad: But--

Dee Dee:
Uh, but--

out, out, out,
out, out!

[Door closes]

Uh, your mother needs

a little personal time.

[Teeth chattering]

What?

Voilà!

Dee Dee:
Wow, mom!

Dexter: Cool!

Clever and fun,
dear.

You should really
do this more often.

[Chewing loudly]

Mmm.

[Chewing loudly]

[Chewing loudly]

Dad: Uh, honey?

Yes, dear?

How about
some popcorn here?

The show's
about to start.

Of course, dear.

[Television playing]

[Timer dings]

Popcorn.

Thanks, mom.

Thanks, mom.

Mom?

Yes, Dexter?

You forgot the butter.

Of course, Dexter.

[Stomping]

Thanks, mom.

Mom?

Yes, Dee Dee?

I'm thirsty.

Of course, Dee Dee.

Mandark: Oh,
this is too--

I'm gonna--
this has gone too--

ooh, I can't
believe it.

Mom!

Mom!

Honey!

Yuck!

Mom!
Mom!

Honey!

Mom!
Mom!

Honey!

Mom!

Mom!

Honey!

Mom!
Honey!
Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

What?

It's time
for my good night kiss.

No.

[Thinking]
A terrible dilemma.

What am I to do?

If I don't acknowledge
Dexter's maternal request,

Dexter will suspect
something.

The show will be over.

My secret will be revealed,

everything I've worked for.

But Dexter's germs--

I can feel the bacteria
crawling inside me already.

But I've come so close.

I must--

[spitting]

Disgusting.

But if Dexter
wants a kiss, then--

Dee Dee: Mom!

Dee Dee!

Kiss Mary Beth.

Drat.

Now that everyone's asleep,

I can finally unleash
the evil I have planned

for Dexter's lab!

Dad: Oh, honey!

Uh, you called, dear?

You coming to bed,
dear?

Uh, uh, I think
my roast is burning.

I'll just
sleep downstairs.

Dad: Aw, come on.

That's what you
always say!

I can't go up there now.

I'll just have to rest here
until tomorrow.

Dexter: Mom!

Dad: Honey!

Dee Dee: Mom!

Honey!
Mom!
Mom!

Honey!
Mom!
Mom!

Honey!

Honey!

Honey!

Mandark: At last,
Dexter's laboratory!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha--oh. Ow.

Oh, oh, no.

Too tired to destroy.

Going to lay down
for a while,

then come back.

[Television playing]

Uh, honey?

Yes, dear.

You missed a spot.

[Echoing]
Missed a spot.

Missed a spot.

Missed a spot.

Missed a spot.

Missed a spot.

Missed a spot.

Missed a spot.

[Yelling]

Now where's that spot?

Dad: Hey!

There are
two moms...

But which one's real?

Mom tied
my ballet shoes
real good.

Yeah, but I didn't get
a bedtime story.

My shirts were
pressed to perfection

like mother
always does,

but that massage
was unusually relaxing.

Oh, well. I guess
we'll just have
to have two mother--

oh, shut up, will you?

You want to know
who the real mom is?

She is!

I don't even know
how she puts up
with all you jerks

with your whining--

"mommy this,"
"mommy that,"

"honey, I need this,"

"mommy, wipe that."

You ruined
my whole plan

with your griping,
complaining,
and fussing.

You're all a bunch
of selfish creeps.

I don't even want
to destroy your lab
anymore, Dexter.

I just want to get
the heck out of here!

Huh. What
did he mean

when he said
"your lab,"
Dexter?

I don't know.

Honey!
Mom!

Honey!
Mom!

enter at your own peril

past the vaulted door...

Where impossible things
may happen

that the world's
never seen before.

♪ In Dexter's laboratory

♪ lives the smartest boy
you've ever seen ♪

♪ but Dee Dee blows
his experiments ♪

♪ to smithereens

♪ there is gloom and doom
while things go boom ♪

♪ in Dexter's lab