03x06 - A Very Devil Christmas

[bunniefuu]

[imitating plane engine]

[jazzy holiday music plays]

[playing jazzy holiday music discordantly]

[spoons giggling]

Whoo!

[laughing, whooping]

[breathes deeply]

[continue laughing, whooping]

[giggles maliciously]

♪ Christmastime's my favorite time ♪

♪ Christmastime's
My favorite time of the year ♪

♪ It's the holiday spirit
That makes my heart swell ♪

♪ The hanging of stockings
The balls on the tree ♪

♪ It brings out the best
In most everyone ♪

-[instruments growl]
-[scream]

♪ But it brings out the devil in me ♪

♪ It's the hustle and bustle
And folks filled with cheer ♪

♪ Those holiday feelings
We all hold so dear ♪

[all scream]

♪ Makes Christmastime
My favorite time of the year ♪

♪ It's the laughter of children
The goodwill towards men ♪

♪ The spirit of giving
And festive snowmen ♪

[roars]

♪ Makes Christmastime
My favorite time of the year ♪

♪ So what makes this time
So special to me?

♪ Ha! It's actually quite simple
You see ♪

♪ It brings out the best in most everyone
But it brings out the devil in me ♪

-[tire pops]
-[tires squeal]

♪ Yes, it brings out the devil in me ♪

-[fire alarm ringing]
-[people screaming]

[train whistle toots]

Huh?!

[children exclaim]

-["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" plays]
-[gasps]

[Devil coos] Oh!

What a marvelous little train!

Oh, there it goes!

[train whistle blows]

Oh! Oh, look at the little wheels!

[toots]

Oh, it makes a little noise too!

[child] Ooh, Mommy, I want that!

And I want one of those and that.

And I want one of these, and I want
new marbles, and I want a bunch of candy.

Ooh! And more than anything,
I want a spaceship!

[gasps] What a greedy little brat!

Ah, you wanted those same presents
last year, Sammy Sandwich.

But you didn't get 'em.
And why was that again?

'Cause I glued
my sister's face to the floor.

Permanently glued.

Ooh! I like this kid.

You know, it's almost like
you wanna end up on that naughty list.

Naughty list? What the heck is that?

But I've been good all year.

I've gotta be on the nice list.

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Nice list? And what is that?

Psst. You there, boy.

What is this naughty list you speak of?

[scoffs] It's what Santa puts you on
when you're naughty. Where you been?

Ooh!

Sounds like my kind of list.

Nah. It's the stinkin' pits.

You get on that naughty list,
you don't get presents.

-Oh!
-Uh-huh.

That's why I've been trying to be nice
all year.

Ugh!

Yeah. It really sucks an egg.

But I just know it's all gonna be worth it
when I get that spaceship.

Mm…

-[demons chattering]
-[Stickler clears throat]

I'm not pointing any fingers,

but someone has been stealing lunches
out of the community refrigerator.

Mine are always clearly labeled
with the name Stickler,

yet they often go missing.

-Yeah, same here. It's ridiculous.
-Yeah, me too.

I know we work in the fiery underworld,
but that's no excuse for bad manners.

[door slams]

All right, everyone. Listen up.
I have an important question.

What would have to happen
for someone, me, for example,

to, let's just say,
get on Santa's nice list?

[demons groaning awkwardly]

[sipping]

[whispers] I thought you said
he didn't know about the list.

-[Devil] Henchman.
-[splutters]

You knew about the nice list,
and you didn't tell me. Why?

Uh…

It's not exactly your kind of list, boss.

Oh! And what is that supposed to mean?

Well, you are kinda evil.

[gasps]

Are you saying I can't be evil
and be on the nice list?

Yeah, boss.

That's exactly what I'm sayin'.

[scoffs]

-Where are you going?
-To get my name on the nice list.

And at this hour on Christmas Eve,
there's only one person who can do it.

[lively holiday music plays]

♪ Making Christmas toys
'Cause it's that time of year ♪

♪ There's no time for fooling around
Santa's made this clear ♪

♪ Making Christmas toys
Spreading love and cheer ♪

♪ All the kids are counting on us
Christmastime is here ♪

Ho-ho-ho.

[elves] Santa!

Hello, Elf Number .

Nice tricycle, Elf Number .

Little Suzy will love it.

Keep up the good work. Christmas is nigh!

[elves cheer]

Ho-ho-ho-ho.

[Devil] Hello, Nicholas.

Uh-ho!

Ho-ho, hello.

Goodness, what a hairy boy you are.

[Santa chuckles]

Oh my.

Who are you?

I'll make this quick, Santa.

I'd like to inquire
about this nice list of yours.

Oh-ho-ho. I see. This is about a present.

Well, just whisper into Santa's ear
what you want.

Really?

Aren't you gonna, you know…

Oh! Ho-ho-ho-ho. Of course.

[giggles] Oh!

[whispers]

You want a tutu?

Sure! Santa will bring you a tutu.

Not a tutu.

I said choo choo.

Oh! Ho-ho-ho.

Wow, that was easier than I thought.
I guess I'll be on my way, then.

Ho-ho, okay.

Let me just find your name
on the nice list.

You wanted a tutu.

Uh, choo choo.

Right, right. Choo choo. [chuckles]

[splutters] What is your last name?

Devil.

Devil, Devil…

Uh…

I'm not seeing anything.
What's your first name?

The?

Hmm. Let me check the other list.

[bats screech]

The Devil, the Devil…

The Devil?!

You're the Devil?

You're number one on the naughty list.

That's not going to be a problem, is it?

Oh no. You've been a very bad boy indeed.

You haven't been nice one day
since the beginning of time.

I'd be impressed
if I weren't so ho-ho-horrified.

Uh, I'm afraid this means
you won't be getting that tutu after all.

[shouts] Choo choo!

No tutu. No choo choo.

[sniffles]

Henchman was right.
I'll never get on the nice list.

[strings play melodramatic tune]

[Santa] Oh.

Tell you what.

If you can be a good boy
till the stroke of midnight,

I'll put you on the nice list.

You have a deal, Santa.
I won't let you down. You'll see!

[expl*si*n, crackles]

[lively holiday music plays]

Okay. I can do this.

Nice. Gotta be nice.

Gotta get on the nice list.

Spare some change for the less fortunate?

-[coin rattles in cup]
-Ew!

What happened?

Well, I was off to a good start.

Yeah, for, like, ten seconds.

[sighs]

Santa needs a drink.

Does improvement count for nothing?

At this rate,

You'll be on the naughty list forever.

Forever?

I will roast you forever!

[tsks]

"Threatened Santa."

[gasps]

I'm sorry! I just wanted that tutu!

-[Santa] Choo choo.
-Right.

Well, if you really want on the nice list,

there is one way, but it comes at a cost.

I'll do anything!

[elves chanting] Fa-la-la-la, fa-la-la-la…

[chanting continues]

[chanting continues]
Fa-la-la-la, fa-la-la-la…

♪ Decatus, seasonem, holly jolly, om ♪

♪ Decatus, seasonem, holly jolly, om ♪

♪ Decatus, seasonem, holly jolly, om ♪

♪ Decatus, seasonem, holly jolly, om ♪

♪ Decatus, seasonem, holly jolly, om ♪

[Santa] Ho-ho-ho.

[coughing]

Huh?

Santa?

[elves] ♪ La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

What the heck was that?

[strings play melodramatic tune]

What an unbelievable waste of time.

All that for a choo choo
I'm not even going to get.

[gasps]

Ooh, ah.

[exclaims] Ah.

Agh!

[grunting]

["Carol of the Bells" plays]

Ooh! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Ooh, ah!

[grunting]

[yelps]

Oh?

[grunts]

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Ow!

Ho-ho…

Oh no!

What did that jolly madman do to me?

I've got to get back to the North Pole
and make Santa fix this.

Now, where did I leave my pitchfork?
I can't be seen looking like this.

[demon] All I'm sayin' is
whoever's eating our lunches

better hope that I don't catch 'em.

-[machine whirring]
-[gasps]

[Devil grunts]

[pitchfork clatters]

[gasps]

[gasps] Ah.

Santa!

[groans]

[gasps]

Boss?

You're Santa?

[shouts] No, I'm not Santa, you idiot!

Santa's the one who did this to me!

You mean you met Santa?

Yeah. He's a psycho.

Ooh! I have so many questions.

Do his eyes twinkle?
Is his nose like a cherry?

Does he shake when he laughs,
like a bowl full of jelly?

Henchman!

Sorry, boss.

[groans] All I wanted was a choo choo.

I went to get on his nice list,
and he did this to me.

If you want a train,
why not just make one appear?

You know, with your pitchfork?

Henchman, getting a present isn't the same
unless someone else gives it to you.

Now, I am going back
to the North Pole immediately.

Oh! Can I come too, boss?

Ugh, fine.

[Henchman squeals]

♪ Making Christmas toys
'Cause it's that time of year ♪

♪ There's no time for fooling around
Santa's made this clear ♪

♪ Making Christmas toys
Spreading love and cheer ♪

♪ All the-- ♪

[expl*si*n, crackles]

[elves] Santa!

[elves clamoring]

Ew. No! Back! Get away!

I'm not Santa. I'm looking for Santa.

-[nasal voice] Ehm…
-[dramatic sting]

Excuse me.

[both] Santa has one too?

I'm afraid you are Santa. Mm.

What?

According to the bylaws of paragraphs
three through seven, subsection C,

you are Santa.

Ehm.

How do I get back to normal?

You must deliver presents
to all persons on the nice list.

Oh. I won't be doing that.

Then you can say sayonara
to the nice list.

Plus, if you do not succeed,
you'll stay Santa Claus for all eternity.

Eternity… [Stickler-Elf echoing]

Eternity, eternity--

Would you stop that?
You're freaking me out.

And, of course, there are rules.

Rule number one.

You must recite the reindeer roll call.

-Pardon me?
-Uh, it's when you list all the reindeer.

Like this.

On Dasher, on Dancer,
now Prancer and Vixen.

On Comet, on Cupid,
on Donner, and Blitzen.

Ho-ho-ho.

[elves cheering]

Oh. [chuckles sheepishly]

Why, thank you.

Rule number two.

Santa must remain jolly at all times,

must not ever, ever, ever lose his temper.

Quit wagging that finger in my face!

[elves scream]

[Henchman] Ugh.

See, no.

That right there,

that's exactly the kind of thing
you can't do, boss.

Oh, right. Right.

[elves] Aw.

Rule number three.

Every kid on the nice list
must receive their presents.

[Stickler-Elf clears throat]

[groans]

Fine. How many nice kids
can there be anyway?

[xylophone plays descending scales]

[xylophone continues]

[growls]

I will burn you!

Uh-uh-uh.

Jolly.

Thank you, Henchman.

Rule number four.

All milk and cookies left for Santa
must be consumed.

Doesn't look like
that will be a problem, huh, boss?

Don't touch.

Lastly, rule number five.

You must deliver all presents by midnight.

[elves cheer]

And remember, if you fail, all eternity.

[Devil laughs] Don't be silly.

This will be the best Christmas ever.

I'm gonna be stuck as Santa forever!

I'm never gonna get my choo choo,
all because I couldn't do one nice thing.

You can do this.

Okay. All right.

Fly!

[heroic music swells]

[heroic music slows to a stop]

[reindeer snorts]

Why isn't this working?

Ya gotta do the roll call.

Oh, right. [clears throat]

On Sleazy, on Stinky, on Larry, and Fatso.

Were any of those right?

[shouts] Ah! Why do you have
such stupid names?

[reindeer neigh]

[yelping]

[sobbing]

Aw, jeez.

Who's gonna pull the sleigh now?

What?

[lively holiday music plays]

I am a genius.

Uh, boss, you're gonna make
so many kids happy tonight.

[presents clatter]

Uh, careful with those.

[grunting]

-[Henchman] Uh, boss?
-Hmm?

Oh. Yes, of course. Thank you, Henchman.

[presents clatter]

Ah, that should do it.

Oh, right. Santa must eat all the cookies.

Mmm, don't mind if I do.

Ah…

[glass shatters]

Henchman, onward!

[squeals]

["Trepak" plays]

[hums]

[exclaims]

-[electricity crackling]
-[screaming]

-[screams]
-[thud]

-[icicles slash]
-[Devil] Yeow-whoo-hoo!

[presents clatter]

[dogs growling]

[gasps]

Uh, nice doggies.

-[dogs barking]
-[Devil] Yeow!

Remember, jolly!

[Devil groans]

[gasps]

[groans, sobs]

[present clattering]

[clatters]

[bells jingling]

-[bell rings]
-Yay!

[bells jingling]

[presents clatter]

[bells jingling]

[presents clatter]

[bells jingling]

[bells jingling]

[music intensifies]

[music ends]

[groaning]

[Henchman] Hang in there, boss.
You're almost done.

And, after you deliver the last present,
you get to fly away and call out,

"Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a good night!"

I'm not saying that.

The only reason I've been doing
any of this is for my choo choo.

Now, how many more houses do we have left?

Good news. You've only got one house left.

Ooh.

[nervously] Yep, just one more.

[sighs] What a relief!

Agh! You have got to be--

Uh-uh-uh. Jolly.

[groans]

Come on, boss. You can do this.

Because tonight, you are Santa.

And every kid on that nice list deserves
a present from Santa, even Cuphe--

Don't say his name, or I'll throw up.

Now, where is that stupid tree?

Ugh.

What happened here?

Ugh. Whatever.

[angelic choir singing]

[Devil] It can't be.

It's my choo choo.

[gasps] What?

This must be some sort of mistake.

This is supposed to be my choo choo.

That little cup has been naughty all year.
He doesn't deserve a choo choo!

Hmm.

Perhaps I could just
keep his present for myself.

That would teach that brat a lesson.

Why, yes, of course.

What better present is there
than learning a valuable lesson?

[Cuphead] Santa?

Is it really you?

[chuckles nervously] It sure is.

Ho-ho-ho?

[chuckles sheepishly]

I was worried maybe you weren't comin'.

[chuckles nervously] Whatever do you mean?

Well, I know I've been
kinda naughty this year.

It's just hard bein' nice all the time,
you know?

[grunts]

[wails] You have no idea.

[sobs]

[sighs]

You know what, Santa? Even if
I didn't make it onto that nice list,

getting to meet you
has made this the best Christmas ever.

Really?

That's right.

[sighs]

Fine.

Here.

Wow!

Thanks, Santa!

Thank you.

Thanks.

Oh boy! A choo choo!

Just what I wanted.

It's the best present I ever got.

[crying]

You're the best, Santa.

Isn't that right, Mr. Choo Choo?

[toots]

[gasps] The little noise!

I… No, no, no. I'm fine.

I'm going.

Hey, Santa?

Yes?

Merry Christmas.

[inhales deeply]

Merry Christmas.

So? How'd it go?

[sighs]

Boss?

Ugh. It was awful.

I did something… nice.

[gasps] Something nice?

Do you realize what that means?

[gasps] The nice list!

[music swells]

[music crescendos, fades]

[groans]

[magical holiday music plays]

[gasps]

Boss, look!

[gasps]

[Devil gasps]

[both laugh]

You did it!

Now let's get back to the North Pole.
There's a choo choo with my name on it.

[lively holiday music plays]

[elves cheer]

Thank you. Thank you, everyone.

Masterfully done.

Why, thank you, Stickler Elf.

I find that
when I set my mind to something

and I truly believe in myself,

I can do anything I want.

-Boss!
-You know, if--

[gasps]

I'm back! I'm me again!

[kissing]

Oh! Mm-mmm-mmm.

Ho-ho-ho.

Santa!

Very well done.

Well, Santa, I delivered all the presents.

It's a Christmas miracle.

And now I get my choo choo.

Oh no.

Your present is even better
than a choo choo.

[gasps] Better than a choo choo?

Oh yes.

And that present is

the joy of being nice!

[elves] Aw!

Aw, that's so sweet.

[Devil] Oh!

The joy of being nice.

That is so… [shouts] …stupid!

You are all a bunch of idiots!

Henchman, we're leaving.

Bye, Santa!

[Santa and Stickler-Elf] Mmm.

Mmm.

[somber music plays]

Even when I do everything I'm supposed to,
I still don't get what I want.

-[train whistle blows]
-[gasps]

[toots]

Santa got me a choo choo after all!

[lively holiday music plays]

I can't believe it!

-And this one makes an even better noise!
-[toots]

[exclaims]

All aboard!

-Toot!
-[whistle blows]

Chugga-chugga, chugga-chugga choo choo!

-[Devil exclaims, chuckles]
-Aw.

Merry Christmas, boss.

[holiday music playing]