02x03 - Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Ed/Ready, Set... Ed!

[bunniefuu]

Brrrr... Yeah!

[Growling]

Ed! Pay attention!

Here I see the ninth hole,

With a jump over the water

And a spiral twist to the hole.

Now, where to put
the cart rentals...

Devour stinky sock!

[Babbling]

Give me those socks!

Pllllt!

Why, you!

Give me my sock!
Give me my sock!

I think I've done it!

Ed: I want my sock!

Double-d! Doughnut!

Whoa! Unh.

Can I lick the bowl, double-d?

Voila...

The eds' miniature golf
course is open for business!

Cool!

Good work, double-d.

The kids will line
up for blocks,

And we'll be
independently secure.

Let's break it in.

But, eddy...

Waaah!

Aaah!

Huh?

Oh, no!

My turn!

[Gears grind to a halt]

Fore.

All my hard work...

What planet are you from?

I come in peace, eddy.

Well... The rods are sh*t,

And it will probably take
me weeks to find another box.

Huh? How come double-d

Is so smart about stuff?

Because he's not human.

Double-d is not human?!

No way.

Heh heh heh.

I... Thought you knew.

Have you ever known
anyone that smart?

Well?

Hmm... [Growls]

If double-d is not
human, what is he?

You didn't hear
this from me, but...

Deep in the earth's core

In a top-secret lab,

A mad scientist conducted
crossbreeding experiments...

Do tell!

By combining a terrifying lizard

With a sweet boy,

Thus creating... The lizard man!

See that hat?

He hides his gills under it.

Must touch gills!

[Laughing]

Respect my personal
space, please.

Thank you.

[Laughing]

[Snickering]

You're on thin ice, mister!

Hmm?

[Giggling]

My cocoons need tending.

What did I tell you?

Hurry, eddy!

Quiet! We're not alone.

[Laughing]

No, we're not.

Yes, we are.

Double-d made sarah and jimmy

From a praying
mantis and a stink bug.

Double-d changed rolf, too.

Huh?

Eddy: look at him...
He's a picnic ant.

I smell chickens, eddy.

Ed, don't!

You almost squashed more
of double-d's handiwork.

I must find the
lizard man, eddy!

Aaah!

Eddy: see? Now he's making.

A cockroach kid.

Hmm.

Hmm!

Hmm.

Ed, it's impolite to stare.

Hmm... [Sniffing]

He is not of this earth, eddy!

What?

Is it my breath?

[Sniffing]

[Gasps]

I saw his tail!

His tail is dangerous!

But watch out for the death rays

He sh**t from his eyes!

[Choking and gagging]

Protect yourself... With this!

Hello. My name is ed.

But be cautious.

Who knows what evil
he's plotting as we speak?

Eddy: it's unlocked!

Whaah!

Hi, guys.

Does he bite?!

[Eddy moaning eerily]

He's attacking, ed!

[Gurgling] hi, guys. Hi.

What are you guys doing?

[Gurgling unintelligibly]

Eddy: ed, the mirror!
Use the mirror!

Ed... Aah... Run away! Run away!

We're doomed, eddy!

Eddy?

Eddy: ed, help! He's got me!

No! Not eddy!

Take me, lizard man!

Why are eddy's clothes
lying on my floor?

Is he running
around naked again?

Surrender, lizard thing!

Give me the antidote!

What antidote?
Have you lost your...

Am I the only human left?

I am alone. I am hungry!

Ed, wait. I can make
you a sandwich.

Ooh! I'm a bug! Help me, ed!

What a sap. Ha ha ha ha!

Run away!

Ed, please!

Soup is filling!

Ow!

Hi, ed. Hi, double-d.

I'm having a barbecue
this afternoon.

Would you like to come?

I'd be delighted.

How about you, ed?

Hmm?

Lots of food.

Yes, join us, ed.

Both: join us, ed.

Join us, ed.

Ok, I give up!

It's no fun being
the last human.

So can I be a bumblebee?

Eddy, you're the
man with the scam.

You're the big... Uh,
oh... Aah! Eee! Ohh!

Ed: so if I join
you at the party,

Could I be a tarantula

Or maybe a salamander?

Party? Wait!

Hey, I'm stuck!

Ed... Don't forget
cockroach eddy!

[Buzzing]

Huh?

Who's up for a dog?

Your puny wieners are
no match for rolf's hunger.

How long's this cook for?

Done.

Yummy! Hot dogs!

I love franks!

Ah, woe is me.

I can't take my eyes
off jimmy either, plank!

Jonny, have you seen ed?

Buzz, buzz, buzz.

Oh, hello, ed.

I pick the mosquito,

As I am ready to be transformed

And join your colony.

What an idiot.

Buzz, buzz, buzz.
Buzz, buzz, buzz.

Pssst! Ed! Come here, quick!

Unh... Eddy!

You look good for a cockroach.

Knock it off, flea-brain,

And get this bucket off!

Let me take you to your people!

Wait!

Hi, ed.

Would you like a... Bug!

Where?! Get it off!

Crush it!

Aaaah!

Dessert!

Whoa! Aah!

Kids: squash the bug!

Huh?

What does it want?

It took refuge in your cellar.

It was huge!

Do something!

Yes, good... For
as papa would say,

The shoe is mightier than
mama's stuffed peppers.

But it's one of you!

You.

Quickly, before it lays eggs!

Stay close, as it may try
to crawl up your pantleg.

I'm having a panic
att*ck, sarah!

It's ok, jimmy.

You and I can stay here.

Yes, as you wish.

Will there be any
more crybabies?

Hmm... Plank has a tummyache.

Let the transformation begin!

Ha ha ha ha.

Follow rolf!

Smack it once for me!

Stay together, for it
may try to ambush you

And suck out your marrow!

Edd: um, shouldn't we
just find the light switch?

[Sniffing]

Do you hear it?

Kevin, shine your
moon box... There.

Aaaah!

It's so gross!

There it goes!

In honor of my ancestors...

[Shrieking in foreign language]

[Grunting]

Rolf's pretty good
for a picnic ant.

[Grunting]

Ya-hoo!

Much better.

Huh?

This is no bug.

Is that... Eddy?

Hit him again.

Double-d transformed
eddy into a cockroach.

I honestly haven't a clue.

You got that right.

Hmm!

Can you please help me out here?

Forget about it!

Just get me out of this bucket!

Are they from this planet?

Nope. They're from
the land of the dorks.

Could someone please
tell me what's going on?

Well?

Ed: basement.

Eddy: foot!

Ooh!

Edd: careful... Ed: my turn!

Slowly... My turn!

Careful... My turn, my turn!

Ready?

Ed, your toys are marvelous!

And drafty.

Am I the only one who
works around here?

Aaah!

Ed: come to your master!

Ha ha ha ha!

Listen to the
mechanics of the gears

Winding and whirring!

Yeah, like my stomach.

Hello, stupid windup toy.

[Shrieking]

[Laughing]

Do you smell buttered toast?

Ed!

Your stupid toy
ate my breakfast!

Aah! Unh... Stay back! Back!

Do not mess with your master!

Obey me!

[Laughing]

Huh?

Whoa!

Ohh... [Grunting]

Go get it, dr. Brownstein!

Did ed actually crawl
underneath his bed?

[Ed groaning]

Got it!

[Seagulls crying]

Ed! How can you live this way?!

I can't breathe! I
must have fresh air!

Aah! Aaaah!

Ed: aaaah!

Don't go!

Penelope! Edmund!

Nestor!

I hate birds.
They're so useless.

Aaaah!

Come back!

Kids!

You're a wimp, ed.

[All cheering]

Check this out.

[Cheering]

Go, kevin, go!

Awesome!

Awesome, I don't know,
but very good, yeah?

He's so confident, so serene...

Kevin? Big deal!

What's with this stuff, anyway?

Kevin is breaking
a world record.

World record? He's a hack!

True records are
set by professionals...

Like ed, edd... Aah! Ow!

And eddy.

I suppress my pain of laughter.

Don't worry about it, rolf.

Eddy just talks in dorkinese.

Yay! Oh, boy!

It's beautiful!

Oh, way big!

Kevin: give it to me, jonny.

Golly... That's some
skid mark, huh, plank?

It must be at least
feet in length.

Jonny: feet!

A new record!

Cool.

What? Now you're some
kind of psychic yardstick?

Let me congratulate you
with a victory armpit rub.

[Laughing]

So what?

We could b*at that.

If only we had a
sack of potatoes.

Potatoes wouldn't
aid us in any way, ed.

Spare me, twerps. Why don't
you show us what you got?

No problem!

We're pros! Just watch us.

There he goes,
involving you and I

With his use of plural pronouns.

This one's for you, nestor!

Is everyone watching?

Well, duh, eddy.

This contraption only takes
up half of the cul-de-sac.

World record, here we come!

Plural pronoun!

Oh, dear!

Giddyup!

[All screaming]

[Groaning]

Oh, you guys are good.

[Laughing]

Real pros.

How can I compete?

My feet swell with joy.

Come on, jimmy.

Eddy, may I suggest
something less physical...

Like knitting?

Knitting?!

I can see it all now...

We knit a big blanket,
a huge blanket!

Kevin would have to outknit us!

That... That he would.

I like blankets with
little fringes on them...

Not knitting!

We move to plan "b."

Knitting. Please!

Unh!

Yeah, yeah!

Belly slams in a row!

And not a bead of sweat!

You are good, but
I must tempt you

With rolf's record for
unicycle shenanigans.

Right, but don't
count your chickens.

Why would I not
count my chickens?

Chin-ups are an
easy record, jimmy.

Half-pints over easy!

Ha ha ha ha!

Now spin them
around like a sick goat.

Rolf, you sure are old-world.

Ha ha ha!

Some record, kev. What's next?

Pillow fluffing?

Yawn!

What are you dorking about now?

The record just moi

And my two engineers...

The fastest trip around
the world with a rocket car

That went so fast,
the paint peeled off.

Yeah, right.

You don't have a rocket car.

Oh? Then how do you
explain this baguette?

I picked it up on a
fuel stop in france.

And I got this chinese
food in china land.

Record-breaking rocket car. Unh!

All right, moo goo gai dork.

Let's see your rocket car.

Does it have shiny fins?

How fast does it go, rocket man?

Does it have knobs?

Come see for yourself...

Just down the lane.

Oh, boy!

Show us, eddy!

Right. Let's go.

To the rocket car!

Excellent idea.

Whoa!

After you.

Please lead the way.

Right this way.

You first.

Eddy: watch your step!

Kevin: follow the
yellow brick road.

Voulez-vous, and I do mean you.

Edd: all done.

Oh, that's so cool, double-d.

Thank you, ed.

Can we visit the
planet of bacon men

And have the marrow
sucked from our bones?

It's just a prop, ed.

It's too small.

Small?! Please, ed.

Compact.

I insist.

Ladies first.

[Groans]

This is a rocket car?

Yeah, right.

Is that a traffic cone?

Uh, yeah... Ready for launch!

[All yelling]

Oh, dear! It too small!

Room for one more!

My head... Touch
me with that broom,

And I'll tear off your eyebrow.

Ready, double-d?

The success of
this is slim to...

Ok, prepare to blast off!

Watch the head, big guy.

Where?

Where's the other dweebs?

You want to be
cramped up with ed's pits?

[All talking at once]

Prepare for blastoff!

Igniting turbine thrusters.

Shaving spark plugs. Contact!

Ah, baby!

We're moving, sarah.

Don't blink. We're already
passing through scotland.

Look, look! A man
wearing a dress!

Rolf: ha ha!

Now we're whizzing
past switzerland.

I smell a goat!

Yes, look!

A fine mate for victor, yes?

Get over it, rolf.

[Kids yelling]

Look... Mexico. Let's tan.

I'm homesick.

[Panting]

Hmm?

Excuse me, pilot...

Plank's feeling a little woozy.

Normal behavior...

'Cause we're over
the specific ocean.

[Roaring]

Jimmy: jiminy! A shark!

[All yelling]

[Roaring]

Do not fear.

[Toilet flushes]

Hyperspeed! Ha ha ha ha!

Whoo-hoo!

There goes egypt.

Africa... Afghanistan...
Pop goes the eddy.

Heh heh. Hi, kev.

[Whistling]

Kevin, uh... What are you doing?

Kevin? Please!

Kevin!

Can't you take a joke?

[Yelling]

Oh, dear!

[All laughing]

[All yelling]

[Moaning and groaning]

Edd: not good!

Whoa... Whoa!

[All screaming]

Ed: whoa-ho-ho! Alley-oop!

[Screaming]

[Coughing]

I think I swallowed a turtle.

Oh... What country are we in?

We're home, eddy...

And we've broken
everything but a record.

Can I wear a dress again?

[Laughing]

Ed, edd n eddy!