03x08 - Gimme, Gimme Never Ed/ My Fair Ed

[bunniefuu]

Man: yeah.

That's it, jimmy.

Now distribute your weight.

You can do it. Balance.

That tickles.

Yes, and now try standing.

Don't let me fall.

Uhh! Uhh!

Hot diggety dog, I'm surfing.

Not quite, there, mini-kahuna.

But if you're brave enough,

We at ed's surf school
will teach you how to...

Swim a lot!

Flip the lip, hang ten,
or shave the barrel.

For an additional
fee, of course.

Can you handle it?

I'm stoked. Teach me, teach me.

Aah! Don't let go. Don't let go.

I wouldn't think of it, jimmy.

Check out these
moves, jimmy boy.

Ah!

Easy as - - .

Ed, we need the wave.

Jimmy: wave?

Purely metaphorical,
jimmy. What eddy means is...

Aah! Help!

Ready or not, here I am!

[Screaming]

[Gasps]

You guys have more fun
than a barrelful of monkeys.

What's that, plank?

You want to surf, too?

Why, you'd swell up
bigger than a bread box.

Well, step right
up to ed's surf...

Ed: are we having fun yet?

[Laughs]

Oh, you'll have fun...

After I get through...

Too bad. Plank was just
aching to try a new ride.

[Laughs]

One time plank went
on a roller coaster

Times in a row.

Phew! I chucked biscuits
after that, didn't i, buddy?

Why, plank spent his
whole allowance that day...

A regular rockefeller.

Plank gets an allowance?

Have I got a ride for you!

Plank?

Nice ride, huh, plank?

That'll be cents.

Jimmy: plank says you
throw like a toothpick, eddy.

He won't pay for kiddie rides.

Well, you tell that doorstop

Eddy's got a ride that
will round his corners,

And it's cheap, cheap, cheap.

Plank says your
mouth runs faster

Than -month-old cheese, eddy.

I'll take that as a "yes."

I object. My skin
is still pruned

From that surf-school fiasco.

Ed, who are we to deny plank

A thrill-ride of a lifetime?

Let's get to work.

Who says money
can't buy happiness?

Hello. My name is ed.

Save your energy, ed.
We have lumber to bilk.

[Grunting]

[Gasps]

I said "sorry," buddy.

I forgot the camera at home.

Ok, jonny boy, cough up
a quarter for the ride.

Don't look at me.

Give eddy his quarter, plank.

Plank says he's broke.

No cash, no bumper-car ride.

I'll spot you this time,
but you should learn.

To pinch your pennies, mister.

What a pal.

Now get in there and bump him.

Plank's going to bump us?

Oh, no! He's going to bump us!

What's he going to
do... Board us to death?

Oh, look, I'm scared
stiff... Stiff as a board!

[Ed and eddy laugh]

Board jokes are funny!

Eddy, that's enough.

What, jealous you can't
come up with a board joke?

[All scream]

That-a boy, buddy!

Eddy: stop this thing!

[Screams]

Way to go, pal!

Aah!

Right on!

Ed: flip it!

[Laughs]

No need to say anything, plank,

'Cause I would not
hear it anyways.

Plank says bumper
cars are for chickens,

And whoever thought that up

Should have their
brain lacquered.

Boy, buddy, that's harsh.

Now, eddy, let's not
do anything hasty.

It's an inanimate
object, for pete's sake.

Jonny: what's that,
plank... Another ride?

You're starting to get
that look again, mister.

How was I to know
plank was such an animal?

I got something tucked away

That's sure to
curl his shavings.

Eddy: this is sure to
turn plank's endgrain.

Welcome to the log of no return.

It's fast, thrilling,
and worst of all,

Doused with depraved,
upset, wood-eating termites.

Show 'em how it works, lumpy!

Holy cow!

Will plank survive
or turn into lunch

For the really miffed termites?

You're scaring him, eddy.

Rest assured, jonny.

All safety precautions
have been taken,

As safety is our prime...

That'll be cents.

So will that be cash or...

Cents? The last
ride was a quarter!

Come on, plank.

What'd you say?

You're bumming me out, buddy.

All right... All right!

[Laughs]

You lucky dog, you.

[Laughs]

Arf! Arf!

Wait! I changed my mind!

Oh... Oh...

Plank! You get back here!

Oh, darn it!

Double "d" almost
said a bad word, eddy.

Hold on a second!

What about the candy store?

I got cents. Where you going?

Oh, brother. You
get down from there!

Your insatiable thrill-seeking
is giving me an ulcer!

I can't help but think...

This is your fault!

Safety precautions my foot.

Ah, this is bunk.

I'm hitting the candy store.

[Laughs]

Don't go, eddy!

Plank needs us.

Jonny: plank says, "who
needs that fatheaded,

No-neck, chicken-livered
geek, anyway?"

That's it! I've had it
with that stick's...

Edd: but, eddy, he's so high up.

Shut up and climb!

Eddy, wait.

You're dealing with a sapling.

Ed: I am scared, guys.

Grab him, double "d."

Termites!

Oops.

Termites?

Termites! Termites! Termites!

I got you, buddy!

Rats.

I'm wet.

Hey! Hang on, plank!

You're welcome.

Eddy: that guy's really
getting on my nerves.

Are you happy now,
mr. Troublemaker?

Eddy: the water's kind of brisk
on the pants, huh, double "d"?

Aah! Aah! Aah!

You won't believe this, guys,

But this crazy kid wants
to go on another ride.

No way!

Plank's appetite for
death-defying rides

Almost got us k*lled.

Why don't you take
that thing home

And stain it or something?

Jonny: plank says,
"let's talk cash."

I'm listening.

Plank says, "you need
a breath mint, eddy?"

Eddy: you want it? You got it.

Welcome to requiem
for a whiplash.

Sure looks hairy, plank.

I'm not a sissy!

You better be nice to me.

Oh, I'm tired... So tired.

Without limitation...
Truly tired.

Utterly, unequivocally tired.

Ed: this is my lucky
potato, plank.

May it serve you
well. Here you go.

As you can see, we're
talking a high-class,

Vomit-inducing ride here.

It'll cost you a buck to ride.

One dollar? Plank,
I got a feeling

These guys are
taking us for a ride.

Are you warped, plank?

You're telling me

If the eds ride with you,

You'll give eddy bucks?

As generous as that may
be, I really don't think...

All aboard the money train!

We're going to be rich...

Drowning in cash,
swimming in moola,

Top of the heap, baby!

Eddy, don't listen to plank!

He's just looking for kicks.

Jonny's right,
eddy. Plank's up to...

Don't rain on my
parade, sock head.

Hand over the
gullible hunk of wood.

Where'd he go?

He is over there.

The little rascal.

[Pop]

Edd: plank has turned
the tables, eddy.

What a weasel!

The little dickens.

Eddy: I want my m... [Screams]

What a horrible way to go!

Nice trick, you sneak, you.

Ed: faster, pussycat, faster!

Hey, give it a break, will you!

You got it, eddy!

[Screaming]

Aah! Uhh!

Giddyap, horse...

Edd: um, ed... Look
at the sparks, plank.

[Screaming]

Ed: let's sing a song!

[Clock ticking]

Oh, dear.

Curse my apt at inventing.

Eddy: what?

[Alarm rings]

[Screaming]

Well, what do you know?
We got a refund, plank.

Hey, eddy!

Plank says you owe
him a buck for the ride!

[Laughs]

Good one, buddy.

Ed: if only we had
a sack of potatoes.

Eddy: it's mine, ed!

Ed: eggs, eggs,
eggs, eggs, eggs...

I'd really like to
thank you fellas

For helping me carry
in the... Groceries.

You got to be kidding me...

Reconstituted fava bean paste?

Excuse me, but if you must know,

Fava beans are high in protein

And quite delectable
on saltines.

What else you got?
What's this stuff?

Where's the junk food?

Look, I appreciate
yours and ed's help, but...

Where's ed?

I say tomahto!

Yeah. Well, I say
you're an idiot.

Gentlemen, please.

Alley-oop. Ha ha ha!

Have you two lost your senses?

You could have
bruised my bananas.

Oh, ed, want to
try some broccoli?

No... Not the broccoli!

Eddy, show my
produce some respect.

Come on, ed...
Just a little bite.

Stay away, puffy,
green, stalky thing!

Not the screen again, ed.

Father hasn't recovered
from the last time you...

Eat it, ed. Ha ha ha.

Eddy, that broccoli
belongs to my family!

Jimmy, that's neat-o!
It looks so real!

Not to brag, but unicorns
are my specialty, sarah.

It's attacking, jimmy!

Jimmy: everyone
stay calm. Don't panic.

Aha! Eat the broccoli!

Go away, pursuer of pain!

Eddy: ed, get back here!

Ha ha! Come on,
ed, it won't k*ll you.

Broccoli bad for
ed. Make it stop!

[Laughs]

Can't rolf have one
moment of peace?

My eggplants!

Awesome, kev.

Run! Run for your lives!

Wipe out!

Not cool!

Eddy: eat it, ed.

Eggs.

Where you going, ed?

Whoa! Woo-hoo! What a ride!

Far out, huh, buddy?

Plank?

Hey, you!

Gotcha! Prepare to scarf the...

Yeowch! That hurt, ed.

Gee, eddy, I'm sorry.

Aah!

Devour the broccoli, eh?

Quit it, ed.

Ed, eddy, control yourselves.

Hand over my pal!

Why, certainly, jonny.

[Growls]

Boy, if I wasn't so
peace-loving, I'd...

But, jonny, i...

Rolf: double "d,"
ed boy... Look.

Shed a tear for the
once proud eggplant,

Its round and
supple life trampled

By your noodle-headed
flea fellows!

Hey, double "d," look at what
ed and eddy did to poor jimmy.

Why must an artist suffer so?

Um, now, let's all remain calm.

We've had it with your
troublemaking pals.

You better put the
kibosh on those dorks,

Or you'll be so sorry.

Edd: they won't
listen to me. I...

No, kevin, please
wait... [Blows landed]

[Laughs]

Hurry, ed, you almost got me.

[Laughs]

Hey, hey, hey! Quit
stretching the threads.

Eddy, kevin said he's
going to do this to my legs.

You and ed have
done it this time.

Show some self-control.

Your rambunctiousness
has everyone infuriated.

Tell them to
stick it in their hat.

Very well, then,

But promise you'll
visit me at the sideshow.

I'll be the boy with
the pretzel legs...

No salt.

Ed can surely help you
with your plethora of scams...

Painting signs, thereby
misspelling them

And decreasing
your sucker quotient.

No, wait! I can't
help it, double "d."

It's in my blood.

We... We need help, that's all.

Just what I wanted
to hear, eddy.

Let's begin, shall we?

Almost got you, eddy!

[Laughs]

Tell me again, ed.

Why are we wearing these
bandages on our heads?

For free lunch from
double "d," eddy mcgee.

[Both laugh]

Why?

'Cause double "d" said so,

Eddy the... Um,
uh, I don't know.

[Both laugh]

Eddy: you're a riot, ed.

Ed: food!

Food, food! Food, food!

Gentlemen, please.

Food, food! Food, food!

Eddy: what the...

Ow! Ow!

Now that I have
your attention...

Jumping geronimo!

What did you do that for?

It's to remind you of
your manners, eddy...

A bracing dose for you
two to comply and behave

In a socially acceptable manner.

What a load of...

What is this slop, anyways?

I thought we were going to
eat something... Not bury it.

My mother made that soup.

[Ripping]

Yeowch!

Have a seat, please.

Ha ha ha ha! Naughty, naughty!

You watch yourself, mister!

It's not polite to laugh
at others' misfortunes, ed.

Ouch!

I'll be right back.

Yeowch!

Hey, that's .

No bandages
left, double "d." Ha!

I'm well aware of that, eddy...

As you've only completed

Your first phase of the program.

Eddy: this is so stupid.

Eat your soup, eddy.

How'd you like
to eat a knuckle...

Uh...

Oh...

Ed... Oh... Uh... Aah...

Ed, let this be a lesson to you.

Never ingest the tableware.

I am sorry, double "d."

It was so wrong of me,
and it will not happen again.

Eddy: may I interrupt?

I seem to have finished my soup.

I will wash it and put it away.

Stop where you are.

I hope you're not
planning on doing

Anything you might
regret in kitchen.

Me? No way, double "d."

Those days are history.

I learned good, too, double "d."

Let me take that, ed.

Relax.

Let me help, eddy.

I can't wait till the
others see my progress.

Jonny: for crying out loud!

It's stuck.

We're hooped, buddy.

Oh, brother.

Good afternoon, jonny.

Hiya, double "d."

Hey, jonny.

Nice day, huh?

Eddy?

Jonny, what brings
you to these parts?

Ed, you ok?

Transformed. Why
the long face, chum?

Well... Our kite's
stuck in the tree.

Let me fix that for you

'Cause I'm a brand-new me.

Oh, boy! Thanks, ed.

Thanks a lot!

Rolf wash this. Rolf wash that.

Why must rolf remove the foul

From nana's finery?

[Sniffs]

Ooh!

Why don't you let
me do that, rolfy boy?

Your hands look pruned.

Rolf sees through your
husky-boy masquerade.

What mischief are you up to?

Not one, rolf. I'm a new guy.

Totally reformed, rolf.

A little pavlovian training

Has turned ed and eddy
into upright, fine fellows.

Good work... For one
with such soft hands.

Eddy: next!

What are you doing?

Giving rolf a hand.

I could smell him a mile away.

Oh, dear, eddy,
you're relapsing.

Yeowch!

Stay back!

Oops, must have missed a spot.

This can't be happening.

Kevin: let go of
me, you big ape!

Up and down. Up and down.

Ed, stop it. This is so wrong.

Jimmy: aah! Help me!

Don't mention it, jimmy.

I'm getting stretch marks.

Edd: hang on, jimmy. Mercy me.

Let me help.

Oh, hello, rolf.

Rolf was the son of a shepherd.

Now rolf is the
posterior of a duck!

Yeah, well, you don't
even want to know

What they did to me.

I'm sick just thinking about it.

Someone's going to pay for this!

I hate dorks.

Eddy: ed! Eddy!

[Shouting]

♪ La la la la la
ain't that pretty?

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

Something's gone wrong.

You've become worse.

Pesky weeds, double "d"...

No longer a problem.

I've created a monster.

Snap out of it!
Snap out of it, eddy!

Well... Let me
help you with that.

Oh, eddy, I'm so sorry.
I've done something wrong.

I should never have tried
to change who you and ed are.

[Rumbling]

Ed: I'm changing some
light bulbs, double "d."

There you go, pal.

No problem.

Eddy: greetings, double "d."

You look sad.

May we be of assistance?

Go away.

I just want my old friends back.

Would you like
some help sitting?

[Both laugh]

What a sap!

We fooled you all
along, double "d."

[Both laugh]

Eddy: hook, line, and sinker.

Eddy, it is not polite
to laugh at others.

[Both laugh]

You're just too
easy, double "d."

Where'd he go?

Broccoli! Broccoli!

Run away! Run away!

How dare you mess
with my emotions!

Eddy: can't you take a joke?

Watch it, dork!

Broccoli bad for ed!

Kevin: hey, double
"d," come here!

I got something for you.

Have mercy.

Boys: ed, edd, and eddy.

Man: yeah.