06x01 - May I Have This Ed?/ Look Before You Ed

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Ed, Edd n Eddy". Aired: January 4, 1999 – November 8, 2009.*
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Series tells the story of three best friends, who band together to tackle life's challenges.
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06x01 - May I Have This Ed?/ Look Before You Ed

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Edd: brbrbrbrb, yeah!

[ Ringing ] eddy: it's mine!

Give me my doughnut!

I saw it first!

Edd: eddy, calm down.

You know you're
only encouraging him.

Oh, eddy, now look
what you've done.

Ahh!

Ed: yikes!

Edd: goodness gracious!

Have you two no respect for
the sanctum of school property?

Honestly, i...
Eddy: [ grunting ]

Edd: ooh, um, I withdraw
my last statement.

No harm done, yes?

Eddy: what do you got there?

Edd: nothing.

Right-o.

Let's say we make our way to...

Eddy: school dance? Tonight?

How'd we miss this?

Edd: isn't it a shame?

Why, if only we
had known sooner.

Oh, well.

There's always next year.

Eddy: only losers stay home
on a school-dance night, and we.

Ain't losers.

Right, ed?

Sure, right, eddy.

[ Air blowing ]
eddy: check this out.

Edd: "win a date with eddy.

Sign up here"?

You're not seriously
thinking of going to this?

Do you realize that it's
customary for a boy to ask a

Girl to attend?

I'd rather date a frog, baldy!

Jonny: what do you mean, I
should have ate a breath mint,

Plank?

[ Crash ] eddy:
ask is for chumps,

Double d.

My brother told me really
cool guys ride solo so they ain't

Stuck with the
same chick all night.

Come on, I got something
that'll knock your socks off.

Ed: missed too many
laundry days for that, eddy.

My socks and me are as one.

Edd: good lord!

Stinky, stinky, stinky!

[ Crashing ] eddy:
wait till you see this!

Edd: "dames, dates & you"?

Eddy: it's got everything a guy
needs to know about charming.

The tomatoes. My bro says so.

Ed: just call me
"charmin' marvin."

Edd: um, a tad dated,
don't you think, eddy?

Ed: "and so, step number
one... Send that swinging.

Chick to cloud nine."

Eddy: hands off my
brother's book, ed.

Edd: well, I best
fly, gentlemen.

It so happens there's a
documentary on slippers

Through the ages airing
on television tonight.

Should be enlightening.

Eddy: we're
rendezvousing, got it?

Go on.

My mom's got a sewing
mannequin we can practice on.

Hands off my brother's book!

Nice work, lumpy.

One swinging chick... Check.

Edd: oh, would you look at that?

It's time to... Starch
mother's tea cozy.

Yes, perhaps another time.

Eddy: ready, sockhead?

Ask her.

[ Record scratches
] she's waiting.

Ed: squish the tomato, double d.

♪ Dreaming of another
lover just will not do ♪

♪ Honey, I'm just here for
you ♪ darling, all for your kiss

♪ Oh, what bliss
♪ I could reminisce

Edd: ugh!

I can't bear the rejection!

Eddy: what a baby.

Ed: my turn!

[ Laughs ] pardon me, miss.

I'm charmin' marvin, and this
is my little friend sheldon...

Um, junior.

Eddy: ed, you idiot!

Girls don't want to
see your stupid cheese.

Talk about everyday stuff...
You know, cologne, cash...

Me.

Ed: me? Like movies?

So, have you partaketh in
watching "att*ck of the -foot

Tv tray"?

My favorite scene was when the
angry tv tray spewed forth and

Rampaged the city...
Kind of like this.

"I am a giant tv tray!

Your city is done for, puny
humans with handsome hairdos!"

Ahhhh!

Edd: please, this school
dance is destined to be yet.

Another dejected, disturbing
decrement in our adolescent

Lives!

Eddy: get over it.

This book's gonna make us
the sultans of swagger, the

Pooh-bahs of pizzazz.

Hurry up, ed!

There's two chapters here
on cool, happening threads.

I got a ton of them.

Ed: threads?

[ Rock-'n'-roll music
plays ] jimmy: [ laughs ]

I'm a dancing fool, sarah!

Ed: rolf brought
wilfred to the dance.

Lucky fellow.

Eddy: yeah, yeah, just
remember like the book says.

Us eds ain't chasing any chicks.

Got it?

Edd: eddy, there's still time to
reconsider before we venture.

Forth into the traumatic
awkwardness of pubescent

Promenading.

Rolf's ribs tickle, as a
one-legged mule could fancy foot

Better than these two-legged
nincompoops, yes, wilfred?

[ Laughing ] rolf's
suit of silicone will

Repel that that.

Eddy: it's like picking
apples out of a tree.

Go on, cut a rug.

[ Laughter ]
jimmy: you go, girl.

Ed: balloons are so fun.

[ Laughing ] [
bowling pins crash ]

Eddy: yeah, I better go wash
off some of this aftershave.

It's driving the dames crazy.

[ Rooster crows ] edd: "exit"?

Thank you, thank you,
thank... [ Gongs crash ]

Sarah, I was
just... Oh, I'm sorry.

Hi, double d.

Is there something
you'd like to ask me?

Edd: oh, my.

Kevin: I'm going in, man!

Rolf: casanova kevin boy, yes?

Nazz: hi, kev.

Kevin: hey, nazz.

Didn't see you there.

Nazz: hey, want
to dance with me?

Kevin: punch, got it.

Be right back.

Yep.

Rolf: backbone bruised?

Courage crushed?

Spirit squashed?

Kevin: yeah, whatever.

Edd: kevin, pardon my
intrusion, but would you happen.

To know a back way out of this?

Oh, may i?

[ Sonar pinging ] kevin: whoa!

I almost drank dork-aid!

I'm gonna heave.

Eddy: smooth move, sockhead.

Where in the book does it say
to blow your buddy's cover?

Edd: I assure you, only after
the chapter about abandoning.

Your friend in his time of need.

Eddy: ah, shut it and
help me out of this thing.

Kevin: they ran out of
punch, but check this out.

Nazz: way to bust
a move, double d.

Let's twist.

Eddy: hey, that's
my move he busted.

He didn't even want to be here.

Like this, double d.

Let's boogie.

Whee!

Eddy: ha!

Way to get b*rned, shovel head.

Lee: you gonna let that
hussy steal your man, marie?

Marie: get up, shorty!

We're dancing.

Quick, he's looking.

Make like an octopus
and suck face.

Ed: wilfred sure has some
fancy footwork, don't he?

Rolf: you have broken the
customary laws of rolf's.

Traditions.

You must first ask permission
if you shimmy-shake the swine.

Have you no shame?

May: mine!

Lee: get your claws
off my man, marie.

May: how about you get your
claws off my man, boyfriend.

Stealer?

Nazz: ahhh!

Jimmy: ahhhh!

Eddy: faster, ed!

That stunk!

I'm done with dames.

Who can figure them?

Ed: whoa!

No school tomorrow!

Edd: seems I did learn
something from your book, eddy.

After all, I did get
to dance with nazz.

Edd: and I got wilfred's
phone number, guys.

Eddy: you're an idiot, ed.

Sarah: come on, jimmy!

Nazz: let 'em have it, dudes!

Jimmy: snowball ambush!

Rolf: kaplowie!

Kevin: got that right.

Winter looks good on him.

[ Laughter ] jimmy:
winter scares me.

Sarah: wintertime's fun.

Look, jimmy, I'm
making a snow angel.

[ Ed laughing ] eddy:
two inches of snow.

Ain't even enough
to cancel school.

Eddy: oh, come, now, eddy.

Winter's a time to
reflect on nature's beauty.

Why, look around you.

It's so pure... So inspiring.

Ed: guys, look.

Eddy: whoa!

[ Crash ] ed: smoke!

I am hibachi man.

Bow before my breath
of charcoal doom!

Edd: a formidable
foe, ed, I'm sure.

But your smoke is
nothing more than...

Ed: hibachi man, double d.

[ Coughs ] edd: very well, then.

Prepare to meet your
match, hibachi man.

You will never charbroil
the denizens of this dimension.

Ed: [ laughing ] be
gone, celery stalk of.

Justice.

[ Laughter ] jimmy:
okay, I get it now,

Sarah.

I pulled my funny bone, sarah.

Owie!

Ed: hibachi man makes
his daring escape.

The barbecue belly slide!

Sarah: ed, you idiot!

[ Crash ] you lughead.

Look what you did to jimmy!

Eddy: [ laughs ] you're
a laugh and a half, ed.

Edd: goodness.

You really should
exercise more caution, ed.

Ed: that'll make my
thighs burn, double d.

Sarah: [ growls ] hyah!

Edd: if only someone could
address the true reality of.

Wintertime hazards, we
would all be much more...

Eddy: not that again.

Nobody wanted to hear about
it last year or the one before

That.

And no one wants to hear
about your stupid safety club idea

This year.

Jimmy: safety club?

No more winter owies?

Eddy: better make a will, ed.

Edd: I believe that if a few
thoughtful safety guidelines.

Were set into play, winter would
be a much safer time of year for

All.

Jimmy: tell me more, double d.

[ Bell rings ] eddy:
check it out, double d.

Nothing says wintertime fun
like scoring a couple lunch trays

From the caf and
sliding down a hill, huh?

Ed: lunch trays are the
transportation of tomorrow,

Double d. Eddy: come on.

What are we waiting for?

Edd: I'll take that, thank you.

Lunch trays are not intended for
recreational use and could very

Well prove hazardous.

Deputy?

I have a much more rewarding
activity that the two of you

Will find absolutely
invigorating.

Ed: up, down.

Up, down. Up, down.

Eddy: idiot.

Ed: up, down.

[ Bell clangs ] edd:
safety cadets, let's.

Patrol.

Ed: [ growling ] jimmy:
isn't this exciting?

Eddy: yeah, like a faucet leak.

Ed: [ laughs ] edd:
things are looking up,

Deputy.

Nazz and sarah are
enjoying a safe winter...

Good lord!

Deputy, I fear we have a breach.

Code b-slipdrop.

Grab hold and remain
steadfast, ladies.

Thin ice on large bodies of
water is risky business with

Grave results.

[ Groaning ] no
thanks are necessary.

All part of the peach creek
junior high safety club's daily

Diligence.

May we suggest snowflake
spotting as a safer and much

More educational
alternative to ice skating?

Eddy: only cents.

Edd: what?

Never you mind eddy, ladies.

The safety club is free of fee.

Sarah: what was that all about?

Jimmy: wait.

Please come back.

Jonny: quit laughing
at me, plank.

Edd: deputy?

Jonny: I told you I wouldn't
make a good snowman, so there!

Edd: jonny, what
were you thinking?

Are you aware of hypothermia?

It's a cat-and-mouse game when
your body temperature's at risk.

Ed: ice. [ Laughs ] fun.

Edd: that should maintain
a safe core temperature.

Jimmy: implemented
and awaiting...

Ed: I'll implement, too.

Hello, jonny.

Edd: ah, yes.

Um, admirable enthusiasm, ed.

Could you please fetch my
thermos of nice, hot soup from

The safety-club chest?

Thank you.

Eddy: [ grunting ]
edd: very good, ed.

Jimmy: [ mimicking
edd ] very good, ed.

Kevin: right side
on the school side.

Huck 'em high, man.

Kevin!

Kevin: what?

Edd: the safety club highly
recommends you wear a helmet.

When executing
such extreme activity.

Eddy: ha!

Box head don't need no helmet.

He's already dead
from the neck up.

Kevin: oh, yeah?

How about I box
your head... Dorky?!

[ Motor revs ] [ horn honks ]

Eddy: over here.

Ed: [ panting ] jimmy:
double d, this isn't.

Working.

Ed and eddy are
ruining everything.

Edd: now, jimmy,
let's remain positive.

I'm sure there's some way
we can channel their heedless

Dispositions.

Jimmy: you better not drop that.

Eddy: what is it?

Ed: a poop deck?

Edd: not quite, ed.

This is an official safety
club deicing machine.

Using the salt off of
discarded cafeteria pretzels...

We can render treacherous,
icy footpaths safe.

Ed: salt is like magic.

Edd: now, I'm sure I can trust
you and ed to only spread.

Salt on the icy footpaths, yes?

Eddy: yeah, yeah.

No more fooling
around, right, ed?

[ Laughing ] edd:
excellent technique,

Jimmy, but the safety
club guidebook specifies a

Counterclockwise turn.

Jimmy: clearly a misprint,
as a clockwise turn is by far.

Superior... Eddy: who's
up for a blast of.

Eddy's snocone canyon?

Pick a flavor.

Shivers up your back, all
for one measly quarter.

Ed: loading her up, eddy.

Edd: you turned
school-sanctioned equipment into.

A flimflam?

I put my trust in you two.

Eddy: what's winter without
a snow job, huh, sockhead?

Get it? Snow job?

Edd: yes, well, that was clever.

Snow job... Jimmy:
enough! Enough, I say!

This club is a farce.

I was a fool to believe you
three boys could enforce safety

In the schoolyard.

I know what this school needs
protecting from, and my club

Will succeed where this
peanut gallery failed.

Ed: yum! Peanuts! Yum!

Eddy: faster, ed.

Lick it! Lick it!

I got to go to the bathroom.

[ Bell rings ] kevin: ha ha!

It's dorks on ice.

Right on.

Rolf: yes, rolf finally feels
safe enough to appear in this.

Episode.

Jonny: the "owie go kapowie"
club's first task is a success.

These complimentary helmets
will keep your hair safe from the

Frizzifying effects
of the winter snow.

Kevin: I'm out of here.

Jonny: oh, pooh.

Sarah: come on, jimmy.

Let's go get some cocoa at my
house before anyone else sees me

In this thing.

Nazz: I've had cocoa before.

Eddy: ironic, isn't it... Us
being singled out as the.

Liabilities?

Eddy: [ mumbling ] my
tongue's stuck to the stupid.

Ice, and I got to
go to the bathroom.

Ed: do not fear, eddy.

Hibachi man is here.

Right, double d?

Edd: yes.

Release this tongue-troubled
citizen with your blast-furnace

Breath, hibachi man.

Eddy: wait.

Wait a minute, ed!

Ed: [ exhaling ] eddy: hey!

I don't got to go anymore.
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