08x24 & 08x25 - Christmas in Space

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Regular Show". Aired: September 6, 2010 – January 16, 2017.*
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Series revolves around the daily lives of two 23-year-old friends – Mordecai (a blue jay) and Rigby (a raccoon) – who work as groundskeepers at a park, and spend their days trying to avoid work and entertain themselves by any means.
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08x24 & 08x25 - Christmas in Space

Post by bunniefuu »

First ever Christmas in space, guys! First Christmas hot chocolate in space.

First time eating Benson's peppermint bark in space.

My first time making peppermint bark in space! To be honest, the process is pretty similar to the Earth version, but, somehow, it just tastes better up here.


There's only one way this Christmas could be any more special.

If we finally receive a message from our loved ones telling us they're all right and we'll see them again before we die?

Eileen! He's talking about telling cool Christmas stories! Ho ho ho! Well, it's really more of a Halloween thing.

What I'm talking about are cool Christmas stories in the form of a song! Carols! And handbells! Eh?

So I'll sing the chorus, and then you guys pick it up.

Ding, dong, ding, dong Let's save the bell jingling for when you're by yourself.

Until then, I've got a story about an icy snow planet called Celsius.

Now, remember, we can only stay while there's sunlight, and Celsius only has sunlight for five minutes.

Because if you're here after it gets dark Yeah, yeah, the Celsian snow monsters will get us! You told us that, like, I'm just making sure you understand the premise of this place! But we haven't seen snow in forever! Yeah! Snow's what makes Christmas Christmas! That, and presents! White Christmas! White Christmas! All right, all right! Five minutes, everyone, starting now! Snow day! Look! Merry Christmas! Hey, hey, hey, hey.

All right.

Cute don't stop the sun from setting! Come on, let's get a white Christmas move on! Okay, that was fun! Back to the dome, everybody! But, wait! I haven't done the Sorenstein Hanukkah tradition of skiing down a big slope in my underwear! Well, make it quick! We only have, like, before the sun sets! Relax, bro! Here I go! Oh, come on! You're fine.

Get up.

We don't have time for this! I don't know.

It looks a little twisted?

You can walk.

Oh, no! Merry Christmas! Back to the ship, back to the ship! Merry Christmas! Almost there! Just keep running! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Okay, I'm not really sure what to do now! There's only one thing we can do use your presents as weapons! It's holding them off! Keep throwing stuff! Eileen, I spent a long time customizing that for you! Mordecai, I had to special

-order that from the Sno

-Cone Machine planet! I know! And I really appreciate it, but Christmas isn't about gifts! What?

! Yes, it is! Dude, what are you gonna take with you when all this is over?

! The stuff?

No! The memories! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! What do you mean, Mordecai?

What Christmas is really about is spending Spending money?

No! Mordecai, what's it about?

! It's about spending time with friends! Huh?

Ludlow, the laser

-nosed reindeer?

That's right! Santa sent me! He said he's sorry he couldn't be here, but he's super proud of you guys for realizing the true spirit of Christmas! Whoa, it's really him! From the "Ludlow" series! He looks just like himself! Merry Christmas, guys! I'll take it from here.

Cool! It's more effective than presents! Thanks, Ludlow! No problem! See you guys on the next Christmas special! Whoa! It's so realistic.

He barely has to move.

Stiff as a board.

Well, what did you guys think?

Considering we got our white Christmas, made it out alive, and I didn't have to sacrifice my awesome new two

-wheel scooter, I'd say Best Christmas ever! Was that supposed to be heart


Because it was really more scary than anything.

I thought it was good.

Oh, come on! Snow monsters?


-nosed Rudolph rip


If we're going to tell Christmas stories, which I maintain, is an inappropriate means of celebration, they should at least be wintry stories like this one.

We were flying through a Christmas

-themed asteroid field.

Open your next gift, Skips! This one's from me and Rigby.

We pooled all our gifts this year.

That way, if one us forgets, you can just write your name on the card and nobody knows.

I learned it from my dad.

Uh, thanks.

It's a bazooka.

Merry Christmas! What am I supposed to do with it?

It's a t

-shirt cannon! Yeah! They use 'em at monster truck rallies to keep unruly fans at bay.

From now on, whenever some jerk gets out of control, you can be all "Hey, punk, safe

-tee not guaranteed.

" Whoops! Oh! What a wonderful message! Well, that's all the gifts.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

It's cool we found this asteroid field where they celebrate Christmas all the time.

Wish we could have got some snow, though.

Forget snow.

I wish we could get some carolers.

Oh, yeah, carolers.

I guess that would work.

I wouldn't mind some carolers.

Look, all I'm saying is the odds of a caroler knocking on the door right now are slim to none.

Uh, was anyone expecting company?

Uh, hey, dude.

Nice jacket.

Uh I think it's a caroler.

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me A partridge in a pear tree Are those pears?

I haven't had fruit that wasn't freeze

-dried since we left Earth.


You're cool with me, mysterious space dirtbag.

Get it off! Get it off! Rigby! I like this guy! Dude, what Whoa! On the second day of Christmas My true love gave to me two turtle doves And a partridge in a pear tree Get 'em off! Get 'em off! Okay, dude, thanks for the show, but you gotta Whoa! On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me No! Three French hens Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree What do we do?

! What do we do?

! I don't know! Excuse me One the fourth day of Christmas My true love gave to me four calling birds Three French hens Two turtle doves And a partridge in a pear tree Why does this song have so many birds?

! Oh! On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love Shut up! Five golden rings Whoa! Watch out! This is crazy! How do we get rid of this guy?

! I don't know! What makes a caroler leave you alone?

! Uh! Oh, dude cookies! My mom always gave them cookies and they'd go away! Everyone?

! We need cookies! It's for the greater good.

The greater good.

Santa's not the only one eating cookies tonight.

But we're all out of milk, so these are babies going down dry.

Partridges, partridges Wha Huh?

Oh! Handbell breakdown! Hmm! Cookies, now! Come get some! Cookies! It's all I've ever wanted.

Thank you.

Whoa! You said you wanted snow.

Now, that's a Christmas story, am I right?

Dude, you're not gonna make handbells cool.

Yeah, scale back the agenda, bro.

Handbells represent the purity and togetherness of the holidays, you idiots! They sound like angels whispering, and if you can't get that through your skulls, that's on you, not me.

We need more peppermint bark.

I'll be right back.

Think we should go check on Benson?

Bells Don't know anything about bells.

Ah, let him cool off in there.

Yeah, besides, we've got another Christmas story.

It starts off just like this Yeah, only Benson's in a good mood.

Hey, I heard that! Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Santa's got lots of presents for each and every one of you! One for Muscleman, one for fives, and Eileen, one for Skips, one for Pops.

Wait, no this one's for Skips again.

You must've been extra good! Pops' present is Well, I know it's here.

Santa had his little helpers get it for him.

You were supposed to get Pops' present weeks ago! I even made a packet specifically telling you what he wants, where to get it, how much it was, who to talk to.

That's too many instructions! You confused us! What are we getting again?

An old fashioned typewriter! Just go get it now or Pops will be crushed! Look at him! P



But it's Christmas all the malls are closed.

There's one mall open, theoretically.

Benson said it was around here somewhere.

Ugh! How are we supposed to find this place if it's theoretical?

Wait, look! Do we go in?


! Where are we?

! Where's the cart?

Took care of it for ya valet services, ya see.

Hmm, that's convenient.

Is this the mall?

You could say it's a mall, theoretically.

What brings you two here, last

-minute holiday shopping, I take it?

Basically, we're here to buy an old

-fashioned typewriter.

Ah, those are on the fifth floor, or should I say, the fifth dimension.


Now, now, we've got many floors and dimensions to get through.

First floor, first dimension! What was that?

! Ah, it's all part of the ride dimensions and so on.

Whew, this seems normal.


-D! Cool! Hm






-Hm! Finally the mall! Whoa, dude, they have fro

-yo here! We should totally get fro

-yo after this.

Uh What was that?

In the fifth dimension, you can see all of your possible paths, even ones you don't choose to do.

Don't dilly dally.

The longer you stay, the more complicated things will become.

Good luck.

Come on.

Let's just get that typewriter and get out of here.

Should we go up or down?

Uh Whoa! Fifth dimension.

Dude, video games! Rigby, wait! Focus, dude! No more distractions.

Just think "typewriter.

" Typewriter, typewriter, typewriter, typewriter.

Finally! Let's get this to Pops.

Attention, customers the mall is now closed and will soon be imploding.

Merry Christmas.


Hurry to the elevator! Dude, the elevator is closing! Theoretically not! Huh?

Looks, like you two had fun theoretically.

Merry Christmas, Pops! A typewriter! Just what I needed to finish my memoir! Should I set it up in the kitchen or my room?

We could do both, theoretically! The end.

I liked the elevator.

Yeah, very inventive! Oh, but the typewriter was my favorite! So, you guys want to treat Christmas like it's Halloween, huh?

Well, have I got a story for you.

All right, we got a lot of work to do to make it look Christmasy around here.

Skips and Muscleman, set up the fake snow machine.

Pops, you handle the wreaths.

Mordecai and Rigby, go decorate the Snack Shack and go easy on the lights, Rigby! Yeah, yeah, I got it.

Dude, don't you think this is a little much?

Remember what Benson said?

Benson's a Scrooge! Agh! Not again! Why do you always disobey me?

! Whatever.

You're not my dad! You know what, Rigby, you're bad! You're a bad boy! And you have been all year! Name one time! Rigby, you are a bad boy! Hey, man, no one's perfect.

Well, enough is enough! No Santa for you this Christmas! This year, you'll get a visit from Krampus! Who?

He's the anti


Instead of giving presents, Krampus comes to punish all the bad children by stuffing them into his basket.


It's a European thing.

I'm sending him an e

-mail about you right now.

You wouldn't do that.

You're ruining my life! You know Krampus isn't real, right?

Oh, I know.

Just trying to scare him.

Oh, Benson, we have an incoming call from somebody named Kram



Hi, hello.

Is there a Rigby on board?

Uh, Krampus! It's really you, ha.

I gotta be honest, I didn't even know you existed.

Yeah, I got your e


You know, the one about me stealing Rigby and punishing him forever?

Oh, that?

That was just a joke.

We don't really need you, but, thanks, anyway! "Thanks, anyway"?

It was a real hassle getting over here, ya know.

You've wasted my time, Benson! You're bad! You've been a bad boy! He broke through! Get to your battle stations! Go, go, go! You're bad! You're all bad! You know what that means! Bask in my basket! This ain't no gift basket! Get in here, you basket case! A

-tisket, a

-tasket I'll put this green chunkadunk in my basket Stop! These puns are terrible! Krampus, please, it doesn't have to be this way! I came to punish Rigby, and I'm not leaving until I do! Hey, I'm his boss! If anyone is going to punish Rigby, it's me! What is that horrible sound?

! Oh, wait these?


! Why does it always have to be handbells?

! Guys, catch! Follow my lead! I can't handle such concentrated Christmas cheer! We are free! We are free! Whoa! Krampus was made of fruitcakes! It's a Christmas miracle! Benson, you were right.

Jeez, when will I learn not to question your authority?

Don't beat yourself up.

You'll learn someday.

Well, I definitely learned one thing handbells are the coolest! Handbells! Handbells! Handbells! Handbells, handbells, handbells! Dude, Benson, that was actually a pretty cool story till you ruined it with the handbells.

Yeah! Nobody likes handbells! Ho ho ho! Did I hear someone say "handbells"?

Oh, gross.

Who are you?

I'm not gross! I'm Space Santa, silly! I've been travelling billions of light years to find someone who has just as much Christmas spirit as I do.

And that someone is you, Benson! Me?

Yep! Put 'er there! Handbells! You bet! Ho ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, everyone! Merry Christmas! The end.
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