Narrator: ...at a car
Dealership...
These recline back.
Back your ass up!
[ Laughter ]
Narrator: ...at
A public square...
Don't I know you?
From where?
Spin class.
Mnh-mnh.
I exposed myself
Accidentally?
[ Laughter ]
I can't believe he said it.
Narrator: ...and
At the beach.
You guys looked friendly.
I figured I'd join you.
Get the f*** away from me
Oh!
[ Laughter ]
We're on the streets, and
We've got to go up to complete
Strangers and ask them, "hey,
Don't I know you?"
Right, and the other three
Guys will be helping out.
Well, I don't know if
"Helping" is the right word.
They'll be writing
Embarrassing details on cue
Cards that we have to say about
How we know the other people.
And the goal is to get one of
These strangers to say that they
Know you.
And if you can't, you lose.
Side note -- I have problems
Admitting I know murray.
I don't know him either.
[ Laughs ]
Here we go.
Who knows what those j.o.s are
Writing over there.
Makes me nervous.
Hey, what's going on, bro?
How you been?
Brian.
What?
You're my ex-wife's friend?
No, I've never met you
Before, sir.
I'm from copenhagen.
Yeah, in copenhagen.
I was at that dinner party?
[ Chuckles ]
I farted -- I farted at the
Dinner in copenhagen?
[ Laughter ]
It stunk. That fart stunk.
It, like, cleared the room.
I must have a twin or
Something, because I really
Don't remember.
No, don't you remember?
I was like, "hermadur!"
No, I don't --
"Hermadur," bro.
You must have met someone who
Looks really similar.
No, it's me! It's me!
Just admit you know me!
No, I don't remember you.
Aw!
[ Laughter ]
Hold on one second?
Hey, how you been, man?
How's it been?
Long time no see.
Don't think I know you.
Yeah, I'm, uh, brian from
That, uh...
You know what? I don't know you.
I'm sorry.
[ Laughter ]
We know each other, right?
No.
I met you guys at -- at
Night court.
No.
I was the guys -- I'm the
President of the dakota fanning
Fan club?
[ Laughter ]
Well, anyways, these days, I'm
On broadway in "spartacus."
Oh, cool.
Give him a new one, give him
A new one, give him a new one,
Give him a new one.
I was at the doctor's office,
Like, last month.
Maybe that was it?
The proctologist?
Could that be it?
I -- I % met you.
I was the one that showed you my
Toenail collection.
I got diagnosed with sars for,
Like, a month.
[ Laughs ]
None of this is
Ringing a bell?
I was the guy that stole that
Baby's diaper.
[ Laughs ]
Damn it!
[ Laughs ]
What does it take to get
Somebody to remember me?!
Oh, my god.
I'm not even sweating
From the heat.
I'm sweating from being nervous.
Dude, I know you.
From downtown.
From the -- the clinic?
Probably.
Yeah.
No, I -- I used to -- I used
To -- I used to wax
Sylvester stallone's scrotum
Down there?
[ Laughs ]
No?
[ Laughter ]
All right, take it easy, man.
Could have swore I knew you.
Dude, dude?
It's sal.
I totally knew you from the
Christmas party.
They had holy water for
Christmas.
I peed in it.
I thought you -- I thought you
Were -- your name's not kevin?
Hey, what's up?
Now I'm just -- I'm running
Cockfights now.
Oh, cool.
Yeah.
Sal.
Sal, yeah, yeah.
Yes! Dude!
The guy that pissed in the
Water, yeah.
The guy that pissed in the
Holy water, totally!
Good to see you.
Dude, take it easy.
If you want to come to one of
The cockfights, hit me up.
He got it!
[ Ding! ]
Oh, hi. Don't I know you?
Um...
Joe.
From where?
Didn't we meet at the, uh,
At spin class?
Yeah, it was spin class, right?
I exposed myself accidentally?
Had a short short on?
[ Laughter ]
No? You sure?
Look at me in the face.
[ Laughter ]
Al roker's christmas party.
I ate a live squid?
I bled from my nipples?
I make stars out of spanish
Children.
My trip to disney, I spanked
That fat kid?
I sing in a girl band called
Puss.
[ Laughter ]
I can't believe he said it.
All right, well, it was good
Seeing you again.
[ Buzzer ]
Couldn't be anyone to say
They knew you?
No.
What are you guys doing now?
Your mother.
All: oh!
That's the easiest joke you
Could have made.
So's your mother.
Both: oh!
[ Laughter ]
Narrator: sal's victory puts
Him in unfamiliar territory.
But can he keep his loser
Friends down?
It's a beautiful
Day at the beach.
Too bad we forgot our beach
Blankets.
We have to find a way to get
On people's beach towels, lay
Right next to them, and not get
Kicked off.
We're gonna be unwanted,
Uninvited, and uncomfortable.
And if you're unsuccessful
And they ask you to leave, you
Lose.
Hi -- oh, god.
I hate the beach.
Sand in my crevices.
I don't want to do this.
Why do I have to go first?
He looks like a scraggly
Son of a bitch.
He looks indigent.
Yeah. [ Laughs ]
He's got a blanket all picked
Out.
He's moving in.
He's quietly put
Down the cooler.
All right, there go the
Flip-flops.
[ Laughs ]
And the moment of truth.
That's our stuff.
What's that?
That's our blanket.
Oh. Oh, my.
Oh, my goodness.
Yeah.
Okay, thank you.
Do you want to get off it?
Oh, he's out!
Yeah. Oh, god.
Thank you.
She asked him to leave.
God -- you're asking me to
Get off?
Yeah.
Can't you find your
Own place to go?
I thought I had. [ Laughs ]
No. Not here.
Obviously, I hadn't.
[ Chuckles ]
No, time to leave.
All right, all right.
Rejected immediately.
I'll go.
She's telling him he's out.
[ Laughter ]
Yay!
Joe is up at bat.
Who's the unlucky [bleep]
That I'm gonna join?
He's like a shark circling.
[ Laughter ]
What can I help you there with,
Guy?
It's starting to rain.
I was just trying to get some
Sun in before.
[ Laughs ]
You just go up to people
You don't know and
Sit down on their blanket?
You guys looked friendly.
I figured I'd join you.
I'm not that friendly.
[ Chuckles ]
Is it cool if I hang out, or?
No, I'm out, dude.
Oh.
[ Laughing ]
sh*t down.
Excuse me big guy...
Let's go
I should pack it up?
Gonna pack it up?
I don't know who the f***
You are
Yeah.
Get the f*** away from me.
Oh!
All right.
That's a shame.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah!
Okay, guys, I'm going in.
No, I have the cooler.
You can go to hell.
Murr's doing the old "pretend
I'm lost."
Yes, that's a good technique.
Let's see how it pans out.
Screw you. I'm sitting down.
I don't care. I'm sitting down.
You know what?
I'm sitting down exactly where
I am.
I don't care. I don't care.
Oh my god.
I don't care.
[ Laughter ]
No! Irene, no!
My girlfriend made me park the
Car, and I can't find her.
And I've been looking for a
Half-freaking-hour.
I'll see you back at the car
Later.
Bye.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Laughing ] is
He laying down?
[ Laughs ]
That mother [bleep]
I hate his guts.
Oh, no way!
They're just gonna let him stay?
[ Ding! ]
Come on!
Where's he going?
He's headed towards that
Empty blanket.
I don't see anyone.
Maybe they're in the ocean?
God knows whose blanket he's
About to sit on.
Yeah, this looks nice.
So, this could be -- it could
Be a huge guy...
I hope it's a huge guy.
...who looks like the
Incredible hulk.
[ Chuckles ]
[Bleep] I'm nervous.
I'm so nervous.
[ Laughs ]
Is that her?
She's looking that way.
She's looking right at him.
Suddenly, there's a cooler, a
Floaty --
And a -pound guy.
On the blanket.
[ Laughter ]
He's headed towards that
Empty blanket.
I don't see anyone.
Maybe they're in the ocean?
God knows whose blanket he's
About to sit on.
Yeah, this looks nice.
[ Laughs ]
Oh [bleep] I'm nervous.
I'm so nervous.
[ Laughs ]
Is that her?
She's looking that way.
She's looking right at him.
Suddenly, there's a cooler, a
Floaty --
And a -pound guy.
On the blanket.
[ Laughter ]
Looking right at you.
She's there.
[ Snoring ]
Sal's snoring, sal's snoring.
[ Laughs ]
Here she goes.
[ Laughs ]
Excuse me.
She's trying to wake him up.
Excuse me.
Oh, hey, bro.
[ Laughs ] "hey, bro"?
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
How are you?
Pretty good.
My blanket.
Oh, this is...
Oh, you know what it is?
I thought it was empty, so...
Oh, that's okay.
I'm sorry.
Come on. Come on.
Get him off your blanket.
That's your blanket, lady.
Hope the weather holds up.
[ Laughs ]
She's so friendly, he might
Get away with this.
How is this woman not telling
Him to get off the blanket?
"Get off the blanket"!
I have food and drink if you
Want something.
No, I'm good.
You sure?
Look, she's sitting down.
Where are you guys from?
He's k*lling her
With kindness.
Kindness. That's it, man.
It got news for her -- she's
Inviting him over
To dinner tonight.
The new one they have now is
"The addams family."
They have that?
Yeah, and it's with
Brooke shields.
That's the one that's, like, the
Big ticket right now.
She came over, woke him up.
He said, "what's up, bro?"
Now they're talking about
Broadway.
It's a nice day for us to be
Hanging out on the blanket.
I'm gonna take a
Little bit of snooze.
If you want to, wake me up in,
Like, a half-hour.
Okay.
Thank you.
[ Laughter ]
My god!
"Wake me up in a half-hour"?!
This is -- she just laid
Down.
She laid down next to him.
[ Ding! ]
[ Laughter ]
James and I just woke up from
Our snooze...
Oh, so nice.
...to find two
Losers to our right.
[ Buzzer ]
This didn't play
To our strengths.
Not at all.
It might have helped if you
Didn't look like a pineapple
From under the sea.
[ Laughter ]
Narrator: so far, "q" and joe
Have each dropped a deuce.
But who will be supreme king of
The losers?
We're in a grocery store.
The challenge is that we're
Gonna have to get someone to
Repeat back to us a very
Specific word.
If you can't get them to
Parrot that word back to you,
Game over, sucker.
[ Buzzer ]
Joe, get somebody to say the
Word "oodles."
Oh, I'm sorry, I was just --
I buy oodles of this stuff.
[ Laughter ]
You know what it's like when you
Buy oodles of things, right?
Yeah, yeah.
[ Chuckling ] yeah.
Grab them all.
You know, if it feels right,
Get oodles of it.
[ Laughter ]
You know?
So, are you gonna get oodles of
That, or what?
I don't know
I don't know what to...
You got to go with your oodle
Instinct.
I know, and see.
Right?
Nice meeting you.
Okay, nice meeting you.
Oh!
You suck!
Go up to somebody and get
Them to say the word "nougat."
Excuse me, did you see at."
Candy aisle anywhere?
I'm looking for nougat.
You know, like, it's almost like
A caramel -- like, nougat?
Yeah.
I hope he fails.
I only see, like, meats, and
I really need nougat.
It's at the very end.
There is?
Well...they may not have
Nougat.
[ Ding! ]
Oh!
Thank you.
I appreciate it more
Than you know.
[ Laughter ]
He's such a jerk.
[ Ding! ]
Murray, get someone to say
"Bolognese."
Bolognese?
Yeah, bolognese.
≫ um, have you seen the
Bolognese sauce?
No I did not.
You didn't?
No.
I mean, I saw it in the
Circular that they had it on
Sale, and I've been looking all
Over for bolognese.
I don't know where they
Would put it.
Their sauces are usually
Like right over here.
What other sauces do they have?
Like that...
...chimichurri.
I'm sure it's around.
He can't get him to say it.
[ Laughs ]
Yeah, it's really good.
Like, it's amazingly good
Bolognese sauce.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, sometimes you just need
Right I know.
To say it really loud like,
"Bolognese!"
And you just want to shout to
The heavens, "bolognese,
Bolognese," and no one says it.
Like, what the "f" does it take
To get somebody to say the
Word "bolognese"?
You're k*lling me right now!
You're k*lling me!
[ Laughter ]
That's a loss!
You have to get somebody to
Say the word "vis-à-vis."
Okay, "vis-à-vis"?
Do you know where I can get
Coconuts?
Like a whole coconut -- fresh
Coconut?
Yeah, like, vis-à-vis, like,
A coconut.
It makes no sense.
Like, vis-à-vis...
[ Laughs ]
...that little guy in there.
You know what I'm talking about?
I'm sorry, I have no idea.
Really, vis-à-vis?
About the coconut
Not about the vis-a-vis.
[ Ding! ]
Vis-à-vis?
Yeah!
Narrator: that's three losses
For joe, vis-à-vis two for "q"
And murr.
What will it take to get these
Customers into a new car?
Come on down to
Route automall...
Where we're selling cars
All day long!
The challenge is to get
Customers into the trunk.
It's gonna be bonkers!
All right, murray's up first.
Hi, guys, welcome to
Route .
How are you?
All right, murr, before you
Get them in the trunk, set the
Mood for these two people.
What I love about this car
Is, it's a little romantic.
[ Chuckles ]
If you're looking to get it
On, these seats go
All the way back.
You got to get
Them in the trunk.
These recline back.
Let me show you.
[ Chuckles ]
Keep your ass up.
Keep your ass up, murray.
We just...
[ Laughs ]
Back your ass up! Back it up!
No, more, more!
What I love about this car
Is, it's a little romantic.
[ Chuckles ]
If you're looking to get it
On.
These recline back, which is...
[ Laughs ]
Back your ass up! Back it up!
Oh, it's right over here --
The latch.
More, more!
[ Laughter ]
There we go. Almost.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Laughing ] there.
I mean, look at all the room
You've got, right?
If you're looking to hit this...
Demonstrate, murr.
You can do anything you want.
You can do, you know, a little
Bit like...
[ Laughter ]
Right?
Miss, take a look.
Miss -- no, no, no, no, no.
Don't leave.
Come back in the car.
Please, please come back.
[ Buzzer ]
Guys, I am getting someone
Into that trunk.
Excuse me, sir.
Check out this thing, man.
See this trunk in the center?
You could throw a body
In there, right?
Check it out.
[ Grunts ]
Oh, yeah, close it.
Let's try this.
Give it a close. We'll try it.
We'll see if we can fit a body
In here.
[ Laughs ]
Come on, you just
Whacked me. sh**t it.
Now go, "please, I'll get you
The money, I'll get
You your money!"
Please, I'll get you your
Money, I'll get you your money!
Please, don't do it!
You want to try getting in?
What the hell am I going
To do in a trunk?
[ Laughter ]
[ Pounding ]
Oh, hey!
Hey, man, fun time's over!
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
Hi, how are you?
How are you?
Good.
You looking at an explorer?
Yeah.
Joe, before you try to get
This woman in the trunk, we got
Something for you to do in the
Front seat.
So, you get the navigation.
Joe, after every question,
Say, "let me go ask my manager,"
Get out of the car,
And come back.
The gps is there?
Let me ask my manager.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, that's the gps there.
Why is all these
Lights flickering?
Why are the
Lights flickering?
Let me ask my manager.
Oh.
[ Laughter ]
Flicker when the car's on.
Now, was there a specific price
Range you were looking at?
I want to lease it.
You want -- I got to check.
[ Laughter ]
Joe, keep walking around the
Car, but never find the manager.
Larry? Larry?
Larry? Larry?
Larry!
Larry! Larry!
Larry!
Oh, my god.
Larry? Larry?
Larry?!
[ Laughter ]
Can't -- can't find him.
What was the question?
[ Laughter ]
All right, now see if you can
Get her in the trunk.
This is the sentra.
People don't realize that
There's so much space in the
Sentra, because "sentra," in
Japanese, means "tiny."
Joe, ask her if she likes a
Lot of junk in her trunk.
So, do you like a lot of junk
In the trunk?
[ Laughter ]
That's not nice.
You can get in.
Okay, let me hold your coffee.
Put this over here.
And then -- so -- hey, guys,
We'll be right with you.
You could come in.
No, no, I'm good.
[ Laughs ]
She's not getting in.
Come on.
She's not getting in.
No.
Seriously.
Damn it.
Aw!
[ Buzzer ]
All right, buddy, it's all up
To you.
First, go up to those guys.
See if you can sell them a car.
How you doing, guys?
Welcome to route automall.
Bargain and go lower, buddy.
Well, this comes in around
$ , -- I can, uh, I can do
$ , .
I could do $ , .
[ Laughs ]
$ , , I could try.
[ Laughs ]
If they really want to make
The sale, I could probably do
$ , .
I mean, who said $ , ?
I didn't say $ , .
[ Laughter ]
Keep going.
I mean, really, if I can
Match that and get you it for
$ , , We could do it for
$ , .
Just keep going down.
If your dad comes in and says,
"I could work with $ , ,"
We'll get it for him for
$ , .
The best thing I
Could do is $ , .
Don't even ask for $ , ,
'Cause we'll do $ , .
[ Laughter ]
Sal, you have to get them in
The trunk.
It's a compact car.
Check it out and get in there.
Yeah?
Yeah, get in there.
I do it all the time.
We're in there all
Day and night.
[ Laughs ]
You can go completely
In the thing.
That's how big the trunk is.
Try it out, try it out.
You really think
I can get in here?
You can totally get in, dude.
All the way in?
I get in all the time.
He's getting in the car!
Just get in. Check it out.
Both of us get in?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, go in.
[ Laughs ]
Both of them?
He's getting two people in the
Trunk?
He's got it, he's got it.
You got this, you got this.
You've got this.
What did I tell you?
Now watch, watch.
[ Laughter ]
Oh!
Just to recap, guys, you got
The . -Liter dohc -cylinder
Engine, you got the
-Horsepower, torque.
[ Laughs ]
[ Ding! ]
Now, one of the great new
Features on the model --
Improved trunk space, big enough
For three losers.
Too bad your mother
Didn't come.
Oh, I didn't hear you.
Narrator: joe, "q," and murr
Got owned on the car lot, which
Means joe is the biggest loser.
Oh, no!
Narrator: so now he has to do
Something so disgusting, we
Can't even show it to you.
But we will.
Whoo!
≫ joe's getting punished.
We are back at
The beach, joey.
That's cool.
I love the beach.
Oh, you're not gonna love it
Today, my friend.
You're not gonna love it today.
We've driven down here to the
Beautiful jersey shore.
We're on the boardwalk.
We're gonna send joe out with
That sign and five envelopes
Containing five of the absolute
Worst punishments that we could
Think of, buddy.
Yeah, joe has got to let a
Random person pick the envelope,
And no matter how bad it is, he
Has to do whatever it says
Inside.
All right, joe, let's go.
He's in jersey.
He's going hard, or he's going
Home, you know?
Get her. Get the woman in the
Purple shirt.
How are you?
I'm good. How are you?
Good. I'm great.
[ Laughs ]
Just pick an envelope and
Tell me what it says I have
Put my toe in your mouth.
To do.
Pick out whatever you like.
Like that one?
There you go.
Let's see.
Put my toe in your mouth.
Whoa!
Do it! Do it! Do it!
Do it!
Joe, I'm okay with
You if you don't.
She hasn't washed
Her feet in five days.
You have to do it.
And she hasn't washed her
Feet in five...
Put her toe in your mouth.
Oh!
This is -- this is not right.
He's gonna do this.
This is --
[ Pretending to retch ]
[ Laughter ]
You enjoying this?
You're laughing?
[ Laughs ]
Don't do it.
No!
Oh, he's...
No!
[ Laughter ]
Oh, my god!
Thank you.
[ Laughter ]
Oh!
Oh, my god!
That was [bleep] gross.
Not you. Nothing against you.
It was just putting
A big toe in
My mouth.
Ugh. Oh.
No, sorry.
Sorry, I need antiseptic.
I couldn't have done that.
I have a disease through
Association.
Ugh.
01x04 - Boardwalk of Shame
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
This hidden-camera series follows three lifelong friends -- Brian "Q" Quinn, James "Murr" Murray and Sal Vulcano -- who take dares to an outrageous level.
This hidden-camera series follows three lifelong friends -- Brian "Q" Quinn, James "Murr" Murray and Sal Vulcano -- who take dares to an outrageous level.