03x14 - Good Cop, Bad Daughter

[bunniefuu]

Shall I waste my breath on a list of
desserts or do you just want the check?

I just want the check.

And some whipped cream to go.

Hey, sir you dropped your wallet!

Hey!

Sir!

Dharma!

-Dharma!
-Stop! Police!

Dharma!

Hey!

He stolen my wallet.

Sorry! Sir!

Sir, are you OK?

You dropped your wallet.

Freeze! No body moves.

What? Why?

Did you steal this?

-Shame on you.
-Dhrama.

They'll take him from here.

Would it have k*lled you to
turn around and tell me you stole it?

Just let it go.

I'm sorry Greg, but the man was rude.

Forget something?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

Here you go.

Thanks, I'll just make an imprint
of this on my forehead.

-I think he wants cash.
-I didn't bring any cash.

That's him, that's the man.

Calm down sir, we got your
wallet thanks this lady right here.

-Thank you so much.
-Welcome.

I'd like to give you a reward.

Here's $ .

Thank you.

Here you go.

Was there something
wrong with the service?

Not enough running, perhaps?

-Could we use another ?
-We eat there a lot.

Thank you.
I'll be right back with your mints.

I can't believe you ran
all that way to return a wallet.

Well, it was no biggie.

We were making out at the
restaurant so I was pretty revved up.

Dharma... she doesn't need to know.

Well why don't I just
write this up as a citizen's arrest.

Cool!

Hey, can you put down
that I gave chase and collared the perp.

-That's how I'll do it.
-Great.

Hey, I have something to ask you.

You and officer gorgeous over there,
you got something going on?

What do you mean?

I saw that he looked to you
when you slapped those cuffs on that guy.

Dharma, these are very busy people.
Just let them do their job.

One moment sir, how did he look at me?

Like he was wishing
that you'd put the cuffs on him.

Really?

We've been partners for two years, he's
never even seen me out of this uniform.

Oh believe me, he has.

Okay, we're all done here.

Listen, if there's anything we can do
for you, let us know. We owe you one.

Can you take a peek at your butt and
see if cupid's arrow is sticking in it.

Oh, thanks very much, we should do
this again. Come on Dharma.

Wait, there is something
you can do for me.

Did you know she always wanted to do this?

No, but that's not unusual.

What the hell is she doing?

That's her mean face.

And the whole time I'm thinking
that he dropped his wallet.

-What an exciting day you had?
-She was a hero.

Excuse me, but before
we start pinning medals on her...

did anybody stop to think
about the real thief?

The one who got away.

Do you know where he's going?

I think so but I don't want
to ruin it for you.

The real thief is a system
that oppresses individuals...

and forces them to steal and the police...

are the unwitting arm
of this oppressive system.

Do you people get what I'm saying.

-Totally yes.
-Sure.

Abby, I understand you have
a birthday coming up.

Any special plans?

No, I don't think so.

Oh...

that reminds me.

Now what's going on?

Larry and Dharma are planning
my surprise birthday party.

Well, shouldn't you be in there?

No, if I rush right in there,
Abby's gonna get suspicious.

Dharma, would you...

show me how your sink works.

Sure Larry.

I never really liked
surprise parties myself.

Then you should have Larry throw you one.

-Please, let me bake the cake.
-Why?

Everybody loves my cakes.

Do you remember the cake you
cooked for Abby's th birthday party?

No.

Neither does anyone else.

Let me bake the cake.

-Dharma!
-Yeah.

Bill and ellen are here for you.

I'll be right there.

Okay so I'll bake the cake,
you do the guest list.

Right.

Let's see.

Eggs...

flour...

butter...

gotta call Dave.

-Hey, you guys.
-Hi.

Bulletproof vest, very sexy.

Hi.

-We brought you a fake mug sh*t.
-Oh cool wow!

Beautiful frame, where did you get that?

We went antiquing.

We drove down to carmel.

Caramel?

Did you stay the night?

You have the right to remain silent.

You did, didn't you?

Dharma, don't tease people with g*ns.

All right, all right, let me handle this.

Anything you found here...

was found without a warrant
and is therefore inadmissible.

Unless you do have a warrant in
which case...

we're a house sitting.

It's okay Larry, these are my friends.

What do you mean you're friends?
They're cops.

Yeah, and they're my friends.

Larry, please don't make
a big deal out of this.

I'm not making a big deal out of it.

She wants to betray
the values that I taught her.

If she wants to spit in the face of
everything I stand for...

that's not a big deal.

-Maybe we should go.
-Yeah.

No, no. You know what?
We should probably go.

What's it gonna be Dharma...

the people who raised you...

who put a roof over your head for
of the years you live with us.

Or the enemies
of everything they stand for?

Larry, you're wrong about this one,
Bill and Ellen are good people.

Fine.

That's it then.

Let's go Abby.

Very nice to meet you.

Remember peace officer begins with peace.

So you uh...

met owen's parents yet?

You believe this?

Two years I'm driving,
and then we start sleeping together.

He then has to drive.

It's cute, you're a couple now.

Dharma, how is you and your dad?

Not so good, we're not talking.

Anything we can do to help?

Well, do you think
you could explain to him...

that you're not part of a conspiracy
to suppress the masses...

on behalf of the multinational
fascists who secretly ruled the world.

Is that what we do?

No wonder we're so tired
at the end of the day.

I know those guys.

-Can we pull them over?
-What for?

Just to screw with them.

You got it.

No.

-What did you do?
-I didn't do anything.

Hey, switch seats with me.

Where should I catch a ticket?

Because if I get another one
I'm gonna lose my license.

-Come on, switch with me.
-I don't even have a license.

Then you got nothing to lose.

Oh man, are they switching places?

Either that are the little ones trying
to throw the big one out of the car.

Attention, seat switchers!

Get out of the car,

and slowly move
to the front of the vehicle.

Last time I let you drive.

This is great.

How do you get any real work done?

Put your hands on your heads.

Now put your right leg out.

Now, put it back in.

Now put your left leg out.

And shake it all about.

He's still pretty upset, huh?

Well, he's a taurus Greg...

and his moon's in capricorn I don't
need to tell you what that means.

No, no.

You certainly don't.

I'll go talk to him.

You might want to wait.

Until mercury is out of retrograde.

I'll take my chances.

Hey.

Hey.

What you doing?

Jigsaw puzzle.

Is that Nixon?

Yeah.

Getting on a helicopter
after he resigned in disgrace.

I love this puzzle.

Here's somebody's eye.

-Is it shifty?
-It looks kind of bloodshot.

Oh that's pats.

Listen Larry, we need
to talk about the situation...

between you and your daughter.

I have no daughter.

Come on, you don't mean that.

Damn right I mean it.

Larry, why is this a problem?

You had trouble with me
because I worked for the government.

In fact I think you called me a
mindless zombie of the overclass.

Rabbit pit bull of the Federal's.

Postal workers are
mindless zombies of the overclass.

My point is...

once you got to know me...

you realized I wasn't the enemy.

Why can't you do the same
for Dharma's friends.

Because they're the police, the steel
tower the jack boot of the establishment.

Given, but the times has changed, right?

Hey listen to me Greg...

you weren't there...

you don't know what it was
like to protest against an unjust w*r.

And be beaten
by sticks and bitten by police dogs...

and gassed and tagged
and dragged off into jails...

because your opinions weren't acceptable.

-All that happened to you?
-I think so.

I'm pretty sure.

Okay.

I'm not gonna change your mind here.

What...

-What about Abby's surprise party?
-What about it?

How're you and Dharma'll work together
if you're not talking to each other?

I don't need to talk to Dharma.

I can throw a party
for my old lady all by myself.

Okay

I guess I'd better get going.

I tried.

Taurus.

Listen...

Larry, maybe
we should call off the party.

Party?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Okay just tell me you're not gonna
make a scene with Dharma.

Hey I won't make a scene.

I promise you if anybody ruins
your surprise party it won't be me.

Thank you.

Dharma!

Hey, check it out.
I'm a menace to society.

I'll take it from here guys, I think
she just needs a little tough love.

You promise?

Good work today guys.

-Take care.
-See you buddy.

Good cop, good cop.

Listen...

I was talking to your dad...

and believe it or not, some of the stuff
he said kind of made sense.

It was all wrapped up
in bumper stickers, and t-shirt slogans...

but the guy has been through some stuff.

I know, I've heard it all my life...

but he's wrong about Bill and Ellen
and that is all there is to it.

Aren't you the one who's always
saying there is no right and wrong.

It's a duality
and dualities are an illusion.

How does that apply?

You tell me,
I don't even know what it means.

Thanks so much for
taking me to play miniature golf.

Greg, it really made it
a special birthday.

You're certainly welcome Abby.
It was fun for me as well.

Surprise!

Oh my goodness!

Larry I'm gonna get you for this.

You didn't see it coming, did you?

Thank you. Thanks everybody.

Where's Dharma?

We should talk about that. Be right back.

She's... she's being pretty stubborn.

So she's not coming?

Surprise!

This scared the daylights out of me.

Happy birthday, Abby.

What's going on?

Dharma and Larry are throwing
separate parties. Surprise!

Separate parties?

Only one of which,
for the record, was a surprise.

-Way to go living room.
-Yeah.

Thank you. Thanks everybody...

can I have your attention?

The kitchen party is now serving
a delightful Bordeaux.

And Greg, your parents are here.

Honey, isn't this a little silly.

Look closer Abby, it's insane.

No, it's perfectly reasonable.

Everyone's welcome to go to Larry's party.

They just have to get
their hands stamped,

in order to come back to my party.

I don't want my party...

I'll be right back...

hold on blondie.

You're cool...

this punch is delicious.

You're right, it does taste
a little like punch.

-Larry. Hey guys!
-Hello!

Maybe we should call a truce
and have just one party.

So there is another party?

-No -Yes.

Does that one suck too?

Come on, we're being childish...

let's have just one party for everybody.

Fine.

-In the kitchen.
-Larry.

We got punch.

We got pretzels...

we can make toast.

I've got birthday cake, Chinese food...

and three kinds of
pasta in the living room.

Come on.

No.

And tell your people not to come crawling
to me when they want something toasted.

Is that the punch from Larry's party?

Yes, why?

No reason.

Get the camera ready,
we're going to be rich.

Hey, what a surprise?

We were working, but we just wanted to
drop by, and give this to dharma's mom.

Dharma told us how much
she likes antique quilts.

Hey, look who's here!

-Hello!
-Hi!

-Hi!
-Thanks for inviting us.

No problem, listen.

We might have a little bit of a situation.

What the hell are they doing here?

Larry, let's not do this.

No, I want an answer.

I invited them to my party.

You invited them to my house.

And the only way cops
come into my house...

is the regular way with a
warrant and a battering ram.

They're not real cops, Finkelstein.

Come on officers...

take it off, take it.

Larry, can we just...

drop this right now for Abby's sake.

Fine.

Do you want these people in your home?

Larry, they seemed so nice.

That's it then.

My whole family's turned against me.

You got short memories people.

Well, you know what?

Larry Finkelstein doesn't forget.

I don't forget the cruelty...

and the injustice...

and the cruelty, and...

-Larry?!
-Dad!

-Are you all right?
-I...

-can't breathe.
-Somebody call an ambulance.

We'll take them in the squad car.
Not the squad car.

Mr Finkelstein let us help you.
On three, ready?

One, two, three.

Passive resistance.

Massive resistance.

Go with your mom and dad,
we'll be right behind you.

You'll never take me alive.

Here! Take my dress,
it has magical powers.

I'm so sorry dad, I shouldn't
have invited Bill and Ellen.

-No offence, guys.
-It's OK.

-I was just being a big jerk.
-No, I'm the one who should be sorry.

I've been so pig-headed.

-No offence.
-That's OK.

I don't want you
to just think of me as a man.

Who stood stubbornly by his principles.

But as a compassionate loving man.

A man...

who was open to change...

and who accepted people who were
different than himself...

even though they abused
and trampled his rights.

He will be missed.

Larry, you're not dying.

Larry Finkelstein...

was a family man.

A good provider...

none of your business how.

And now...

No, Larry!

-Dad!
-Say something!

Oh he's not breating.

That's much better.

Is it okay for you to eat that?

Yeah as long
as your mother doesn't find out.

Hey, what's the matter? Is the boss
watching? Load up the onions.

Larry!

You called me dad,
when you thought I was gonna die.

I know.

It's kind of nice.

You know, if you don't overdo it.

Don't worry.

You'll always be my Larry.

Relax, it's Bill and Ellen.

Hey, Mr Finkelstein, how are you feeling?

Much better, thank you.

Turns out it was gas.

Really?

Hey, can you guys do me a favour?

Sure what do you need?

-Come on Larry, get in the car -What?

Trust me it'll be worth it.

Edward, you're speedy?

I don't think so.

You are in the Mercedes, pull over.

Then prepare, you'll be strip searched.

Strip searched! That's absurd.

Edward, do something.

Here, here's a hundred dollars,
tuck it in your bra and flirt a little.