04x15 - Dharma Does Dallas

[bunniefuu]

- Feel my forehead.
- You're fine.

How do you know? You haven't felt it.

Your whole family has come
from all over the country to be here.

Some of them
haven't seen you in years.

I tend to come down with a little fever
before these things.

Come on, be nice.

It's a wonderful gesture that the whole
tribe is gathering to honor your father.

All right, but stay sharp.

If the tribe runs out of antidepressants
and liquor there's gonna be trouble.

Look who's here,
Gregory and his lovely wife Dharma.

Dharma, this is Edwards and Julia...

and her son William...

his wife Elizabeth...

and Edward's niece Stephanie...

and his nephew Brent
and Brent's wife Joy.

Well, I got wife Joy but...

for now everyone else is gonna have
to be sweetie or sport.

Well, Kitty was right.

You are quite the free spirit.

Nah, she was just dressing it up for you,
I'm a whack job from the word go.

- Drink son?
- Yes please, come on Dharma.

So far so good Elizabeth seems nice.

Well, don't say that
in front of my mother.

Why?
She used to date my father.

Get out of here, go ahead.

What?
Nothing.

Anyway they hate each other,
so don't get between them.

Elizabeth, I cannot tell you
how much I have missed you.

Me too.

Not a day goes by
when I do not think of you.

Why don't I pick up the phone?

Probably the same reason I don't.

Yes.

So anything else I should know?

Well, Brent's not the sharpest pencil
in the box.

I think it's jelly.

But he will do anything...

to take control of Montgomery
industries away from my father.

OK.
And that's his half-sister Stephanie.

She'll do anything to stop him.
Why?

She hates Brent...

because Brent's father is the man
their mother left her father for.

Displaced anger, got it.

And she's gay, but we don't talk about it.
She's not out?

No, she's out,
we just don't talk about it.

Oh good...

Marilyn's here.

Marilyn?
My late uncle george's second wife.

Do we like her?
Well, that depends.

On what?
On whether we believe she k*lled him.

She k*lled him?
There was a freak car accident...

he was thrown free of the car which she
somehow managed to back over him.

Let me guess, you don't talk about it.
Well it rarely comes off.

Caroline.
Kitty.

Hello everyone so sorry I'm late.

The traffic was just m*rder.

I get it, good one.

They're all smiles and hugs...

meanwhile they all know the
woman knocked off her husband.

And that's why
Tray and Cece hate Marlyne?

No, that's why Tripp
and Cece hate Maryland.

Trey is William Montgomery the third...

Tripp is George Montgomery
the third son of George II.

- The dead guy?
- Exactly, which brings us to Brent...

who's sucking up to Edward, because
on Sunday when Edward turns ...

he's going to announce
the successor of his company...

and since Greg doesn't want
the job Brent figures he's got a sh*t.

Which one's Greg?
I'm Greg.

Dharma, we're late for the brunch.

Which is where we meet Trey
and Jackie and Jackie's new husband.

Can I come?

No.

Wait here and I'll catch you up
on everything when I get back.

I just have to
tell you I love your family.

You know, I was thinking we should
run a bus and get everyone together...

and go down and visit your aunt Evelyn
in the mental hospital.

That's a very nice idea
but aunt Evelyn's been dead for years.

Really?
Who do you think did it?

I don't know, but Dharma trust me...

the best way to deal with these people
is not to get sucked into their drama.

You're probably right.

Mrs Dharma...

you wanted to know when
mr montgomery's sister...

and her new husband arrived.

Thank you Celia, it's not important.

You sure?

He's very young,
people are staring and gasping.

Go.

Thanks sport.

He's a real gigolo?
I have better doctors older than he is.

Nicky just installed the new cabinets
in the guest house...

and don't you know...

when I opened the first one
there was an engagement ring.

It's lovely.

Oh not this one of course...

but a sweet little ring.

So he's a carpenter mother?

A general contractor.

With all the work I was having done
on the house...

frankly it was just cheaper to marry him.

Hell of a family we married into?

Oh yeah it's great.

I'm sorry...

- Cece.
- Yeah, Tripp's wife.

Which makes you daughter of George jr,
Edward's late brother...

and ill-fated husband of Meryline.

I wrote it all in my hands, here.

Have you spent much time with Brent?

You mean Jackie's son by her
second husband married to Joy?

No not yet.

But he seems awful nice
and Edward sure likes him.

- Pistachios make my fingers red.
- Mine too.

Yes he does seem...

nice.

Anyway, everyone knows
he's only kissing up to Edward...

to get his little red hands
on the company.

Everyone knows?
Yes.

But we're not supposed to talk about it.

I see, what else
are we supposed to talk about?

Kitty hates Jackie.
Really why?

Jackie gave kitty
all of her maternity clothes.

Well that seems nice.

Kitty wasn't pregnant at the time.

Your nick is chock full of boyish job.

Well he does keep me young.

Really? I thought you had
all sorts of other people who did that.

Which makes you Julia's grandniece...

and also Elizabeth's first cousin
once removed by marriage.

I suppose it does.

Listen I couldn't help but notice
you were talking to Cece.

Hello Stephanie.

Hello Trey.

What?

No kiss for your cousin?

Oh that's right...

you don't kiss men.

Oh I kiss men.

Excuse me, I don't believe we've met.

I'm Greg's wife Dharma.

Well, he's a lucky man,

unless you cheat, in which case,
I'll wrestle Stephanie for you.

You'll lose.

But I'll enjoy every minute of it.

Well, you guys aren't real close, huh?

We've slept together once which
actually cleared some things up for me.

Anyway, did Cece tell you
something about Brent?

Maybe why do you ask?

It's ok, I hate my brother.
That's right, you do I totally forgot.

Did you know he's only kissing up to
Edward to get control over the company?

You don't know the half of it.

Give me a break, I didn't know
any of it when I got here.

Did you know Brett
was behind a secret hostile...

takeover attempt
of Montgomery industries?

Hey, have you seen your dad?

I think he is showing Brent the hole
under the fence where the dogs get out.

God I hope it's not too late.

Don't worry, if dad and Brent get out
of the yard...

somebody will bring them back.

Greg, you know
that hostile takeover attempt...

of Montgomery industries six years ago?

- Yeah, Do you?
- I just got caught up.

did you know that
your cousin Brent was behind it?

No he wasn't when that was going on
Brent was drying out in rehab.

You sure?
Yes I'm sure.

Oh what am I missing here?

Dharma, I thought we agreed
you were gonna stay out of this stuff.

No honey, you said it would be
a good idea if I stayed out of that stuff.

Boy were you right.

The thing is Stephanie
would have known Brent was in rehab.

Why would she want me to
tell Edward something...

he could easily find out wasn't true?

Yeah, you'd look like a fool and Brent
would come off looking better than ever.

That doesn't make sense.

Or does it?

Think about it,
Stephanie knows the rumor is false.

If you go to Edward...

you're discredited following Cece's
attempt to use you to smear Brent.

And why does Stephanie do this?

She's secretly in cahoots with Brent...

to help him gain control
of Montgomery industries...

so she can be the power
behind the throne.

You were using me.

How did you figure that out?

Nobody knows his way around
a conspiracy like my guy.

This one's a little tricky...

it helps if you think
of Stephanie as Nixon...

and Brent and joy اas hauled him
in an ehrlichman.

What are you guys talking about?

Girls stuff.

All right, if I know Stephanie...

and I think I do.

She's gonna want to
have herself a little insurance policy.

What do you mean an insurance policy?

Every member of the family
has stock in Montgomery industries.

If any three of them
get together they'll have enough votes...

to override Edward's decision
as to who his successor will be.

A secret power block sure like the cia
and the committee to re-elect Nixon.

Okay so it's Stephanie Brent
and who's the third?

You have to be someone
that no one would suspect...

someone else who appears
to hate Stephanie.

Trey.

Or G Gordon liddy.

Oh good Trey, I was looking for you.

Well when you find me give me this.

Look I wanted to tell you...

there's a secret in this family...

and I know what it is.

You mean that my father
slept with Kitty...

before she met Edward.

Come back to that one.

Now I was talking about you...

Stephanie and Brent
secretly trying to take over the company.

A delightfully tedious as it sounds
I really can't be bothered.

You see, I've only six months to live.

Oh my god, that's awful.

Dying's not awful.

Awful is Bermuda...

when the cruise ships dock.

Stephanie.
Trey.

Stephanie...

did you know that Trey
only has six more months to live?

Yes, it's marked on my calendar.

Did you tell Edward about Brent?
No.

Thank god, it was a lie,
it never happened.

I wanted you to tell Edward
so you'd be discredited to hurt Cece.

And wouldn't it have helped Brent?

Oh my god.

It would have, I didn't even think of that.

Anyway, I hope you can forgive me
and we can be friends.

Stephanie...

we're family.

You're the daughter of my father-in-law's
sister by your first husband...

nothing could come between us.

Thank you.

Daddy, busy?
No come on in.

How's the speech coming?

Take a look.

Thank you all for coming
to celebrate my birthday with me...

what's this word?

A gynecologist.

I don't know if that's the joke
you want to open with.

Yeah you're probably right.

That's more of a closer.

Anyway dad um...

about the company...

I know you must be disappointed...

that you're not naming me
as your successor tonight.

It would have made things
a little easier...

for one thing I...

could have turned quietly
without all these butt kissers showing up.

Come on, it's a a wonderful gesture that
the whole tribe is gathering to honor you.

You get that from Dharma?

Yeah.

Anyway...

it's not that I never want to
join the company it's just...

right now where I am in my life...

Gregory, don't worry about
Montgomery industries...

you just keep doing what you're doing.

I'm proud of you.

I wish I'd had the guts to tell my father
I didn't want to be in the family business.

I had no idea.

What do you think you'd be if
you'd gone your own way?

Oh well that's easy.

I'd have my own little three-chair barbershop
somewhere in the Florida keys.

Nice.

But look at you...

you're doing something you love...

and even if it goes bust you've got
a good woman to stand by you.

Well, don't you think mom
would have stood by you if...

anyway you've done a great job with the
company.

You've really built it into something.

Thanks.
Happy birthday dad.

Thank you.

Edward, I cannot spend another moment
with that woman, she's a...

she's a cold-hearted true.

If she looks down her nose
at me one more time...

I swear on all that's holy, blood will flow.

Yes dear.

Well, all right.

Well, don't you think
we should get back in there?

What are you nuts?

All right, thanks Tripp.

Just trying to keep everyone straight.

Anyway, Stephanie was
secretly helping Brent.

- Why the sudden change of heart?
- I don't know.

Or maybe I do.

What exactly am I looking at here?

Those are photos
that Celia found in Stephanie's room...

that's Stephanie in bed with Marilyn.

No, what am I looking at here?
Is this a shoulder or tushy?

Guys, forget the pictures for a second.

What we know is that Marilyn
is blackmailing Stephanie.

That would explain why she's not
in coats with Brent anymore.

What are you guys looking at?

Pictures that placed Nixon
in Dealey Plaza

when Kennedy was assassinated,
want to see?

No thanks.

Quick thinking Larry.

I'm confused,
what good are these pictures?

Everybody already knows
stephanie's a lesbian.

Read what's on the back of the pictures.
Sure would be a shame if Joy saw these.

Brent's wife why would she care?

She would care...

if joy were having
an affair with Stephanie...

and Stephanie cheated
on Joy with Marilyn.

Bingo! Which means that Marilyn
has stephanie's shares in her pocket.

So all Marilyn needs
is one more person...

and she gains control
of Montgomery industries.

Right, but who's the third?

So aunt Julia, you've been very quiet
this weekend.

Dharma...

she hasn't said anything in years.

Really.

You don't find that suspicious?

I'd like to propose a toast.

Uncle Edward happy birthday.

I know I speak for
the whole family when I say...

I'd really like to run the company.

I've known uncle Edward
for a long time, you know me...

for about the same I remember
my freshman year at Exeter...

when I had plans to go on
to Harvard and get my MBA, which I did.

And I called you for some advice...

- Excuse me.
- And you weren't available...

but I just guess what I'm trying
to say is you don't really have to...

is that her father at the window?

No.

What's up?

Check out what Larry found
in the picture.

Right above the tushy in the mirror.

You can see the person
who took the picture.

It's nick.

Jackie's new husband.

So it's Stephanie, Marilyn and Nick.

My god! Larry, how did
you think to look for that?

He wasn't looking for that.

What we don't know is...

why would Nick take
an incriminating photograph...

of Stephanie in Maryland
a year before he met Jackie?

But we have our best man on it.

Wait, when did we get a man?

And so the gynecologist says:

Kiss you Mrs Larson,
I shouldn't even be doing this.

And you said not to open with it.

Any who, as some of you may know...

I'm supposed to name
new head of the company...

Wait, stop!

Edward, you can't do
what you're about to do...

before everyone hears
what I have to say.

Dharma, what are you doing?

Picking up the log
and showing Edward the bugs.

Okey dokey.

This is a fever, this is definitely a fever.

Now let's just recap for a minute.

Any three of you Montgomery’s
can g*ng up together...

and take control of the company
no matter who Edward picks...

the problem here is there aren't
three of you who like each other.

However...

it looks like Stephanie and Marilyn were
able to work through their differences...

joy this may be of interest to you.

So, Marilyn and Stephanie and who?

Tripp and Cece?

I don't think so, not after
Marilyn bumped off Tripp's father...

which I know, we don't talk about it.

Then came to me,
what about William and Elizabeth?

Is the fact that William and
Kitty had a fling before she was...

with Edward really enough
motivation to take over the company.

I don't think so.

I guess I probably shouldn't even have
brought it up.

Which brings me to the person
who took this photo...

nick.

Now why would
Nick help Marilyn blackmail Stephanie...

long before he was ever part
of this family?

Answer me on that.

Anyone?

Will help cause
actually this is as far as I've gotten.

Is that a shoulder, or a...?

Hey Dharma, I got something for you.
Had a good time Pete.

I think you might want to see this,
it's from a buddy of mine at the FBI.

You're our man, thanks.

Who's that prime rib.
Help yourself.

You're never gonna believe this.

Did anyone have any money on Nick
and Marilyn being brother and sister.

I don't understand.

I know it's really complicated.

Unless Nick is marrying
you as part of Marilyn's master plan...

to form a power block with Stephanie
to take over Montgomery industries.

Well, that's it for me.

Does anybody else
want to add anything?

Actually honey yes I did.

What dad was about to say was that he
and I had a discussion earlier today...

and we agreed that he would stay
with the company for five more years...

at which point I'd reconsider taking over.

So I guess that makes all my
yeb yeb kind of pointless.

Well, I told you when you met me
watch up.

I'm guessing this is gonna be one of
those things we never talk about right?

Right.
Ok.

How's your prime rib Kitkat?
It's fine.

I love you honey.

Can you say it to me?