Loved (1997)

[bunniefuu]

[gentle music]

[birds caw]

[wind rustles]

[glass shatters]

[tires squeal]

[inaudible]

[sobs]

[helicopter whirring]

WOMAN: Come on here.

[dog pants]

Hi.

Hi.

Come on.

You gonna help me?

Where do you want to go?

Can we just drive?

Well, um, I have
to go to work.

We're all magnet.

We're just magnets put
next to each other.

You know, when magnets
repel when they're too

close... that's what they do.

It doesn't change their
purpose, when you put them close

together, but sometimes
it's too much,

so they cancel each other out.

So are they canceled out?

Do you work?

- Down there.
- Do you know?

[siren wails]

No.

Can you help me?

What do you want?

I don't... do you
want some money?

OK.

[dog barking]

Thanks, man.

[chuckles]

What are you laughing about?

To "man"...

I haven't heard anybody
use "man" in a while.

Do you tell people what
it is, what's inside?

Us Labradors... purer than white.

That's their property.

You know, there's
also boundaries.

That's part of it.

It's not just the
magnetic field.

It's the initial response
to the magnetic field.

It makes us build up these
fences, these fences...

it's the way that we
built everything...

to protect ourselves.

So we're just
looking at each other

across these
acceptable distances.

And we drew the lines.

We separated out.

That's not our purpose.

We're at odds.

We're at odds, right?

So there isn't any real help.

There's... there really
isn't any real help.

Are you afraid of me?

Yes, you are.
I know.

If you have to go, I know.

It's nice to meet you.

Thanks for the money.

Sure.

Would you... would
you... would you hold me?

Thanks.

Are you an angel?

No.

I wanted to... well, I'll
tell you some other time.

OK.

Beyond love,
there is no belief.

There's no belief beyond love.

WOMAN: Michael!

It's time for breakfast.

Come on in.

[solemn music]

[engine starts]

[bird chirps]

Thank you.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

What?

It's nothing.

I'll tell you later.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

I forgot the meeting.
- That's all right.

I'm getting used to it.

Are you interested in
prosecuting the Williams case?

Is that the repeat r*pist?

Right.

And this time, he's charged
with as*ault and battery.

Not really.

Is there anything I can
do to interest you in it?

- Why?
- Why?

Yeah.
What about Saunders?

Aren't his numbers
the best here?

He's always had the most
number of convictions.

His sentencing figures
have never been very good.

Anyway, neither of them
are where yours were.

Morning, Katie.

What happened with Valdez?

I don't know yet.

Has it been decided yet?

I... I don't know
yet That's all.

I don't know yet.

[phone rings]

Same story, huh?

Close the door, Will.

What did you find out so
far about where she lives,

the girlfriend number one?

Had a... is it still in New York?

WILL: Don't know yet.

Christmas week... calendar
this for that week.

I'm on it.

[gentle music]

You do know that only four
courts have even addressed

the admissibility of
this kind of evidence

during a prosecution
in this context?

OK.

[sighs] How are you going to get
the defendant's prior conduct

in with the other woman?

We can get it in under common
scheme, or plan, or habit.

What's going to be the charge?

Involuntary manslaughter...
there was gross indifference

to the value of Diana's life.

Diana is the third
woman he's done this to.

Debra, the second,
is in a wheelchair.

Oh, boy.

I guess it would be a
precedent setting case.

But would this be the case
to set that precedent?

That I am not so sure.

Never figured you
for a feminist, KD.

Everybody's got
there woes, Steve.

[chuckles]

Yeah.

That's true.

We're going to miss
you inside a court.

You wanna give me that?

All right.

You still want to do this?

I don't know.

Did you know Diana?

Did you ever meet her?

No.

No?

Never talked to her?

No.

She ran right at it?

Yeah.

He was driving 40 miles an hour.

[knocking]

Yeah?

This is what they
had on the girlfriend.

Went down to three years ago.

Did they question her?

They tried to.
It's in there.

OK.

I want you to label
everything about her.

Girlfriend number one,
label Debra, girlfriend two,

and Diana three.

All right.

We're going to speak
alone for a minute.

How are you doing?

I'm not doing.

I see you!

I see you!

Hey!

[inaudible] Hey!

[smacks lips]

Henry, hi.

Hi, Henry.

Hi, yes!

Hi.

[dog barking]

It's me.

Dad, he doesn't even know me.

Hey.

Let me see you.

You're so good!

LEO: You gonna ride back there?

You care?

LEO: No, of course not.

Oh!

Hey, buddy.

[chuckles]

It's great to have
you home, sweetheart.

Thanks, Dad.

(SINGING) Beautiful
dreamer, queen of my song.

Are you still a dreamer, Dad?

I don't know if I'm a
dreamer, but I'm beautiful.

[laughs]

Can you tell me what's
wrong with being that way?

HEDDA: Nothing.

It's just another
world back then.

LEO: Yeah.

[gentle music]

(SINGING) Starlight and
dewdrops are awaiting...

Our big lake... that's what
Mom always used to call it.

Still does.

You know, Mom was
upset she couldn't

be here when you got home.

And I'm sorry about
the [inaudible]..

Once a year.

I'm glad I got to
see you at all, Daddy.

Thank you.

- Bye, sweet toot.
- I'll see you later.

OK.

Hey!

What are you doing here?

[laughs]

I decided I could
take the afternoon

off and see my little sis.

I guess you don't get in
trouble for that kind of stuff

anymore.
- No, not anymore.

'Cause you're Miss Bossy.

[laughs]

Oh, you look so great.

Hey, there you are!

Hey!

I just realized that I
am incredibly hungry.

I could get [inaudible].

Isn't she cute?

Look at Willa!

She's so big.

KATE: I know!

Oh!

You don't say hello
to me anymore?

I missed you.
- I can't believe this.

We've got to go.

We've got show and tell.

She's taking Willa...

MAN: Excuse me are
you Hedda Amerson?

Yes.

MAN: You've been served, ma'am,
by the state of California.

BRETT: What is it, Hed?

MAN: You're in
possession of a subpoena.

Come here.

Let me see it.

MAN: Sorry.

Can I take a look at it?

Wait a minute.

Come here.

You can light that in my oven.

I'm gonna get you!

I got you this time.

I got you this time.

[hums]
- OK.

HEDDA: I missed you too.

All right, girls.

I've got to go.

I've got to get my golden-haired
babies out of here.

I have to go.
I'm late.

I'm late, Will.

OK.

Look both ways.

Will you come see me later?

[squeals]

OK.

Honey, watch your head.

HEDDA: I'll come see
you guys later, OK?

What is this thing?

When do you have to do this?

I don't know.

I didn't read that part.

Fingers.

BRETT: Tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

I'll see you later, OK?

We'll play later.

Whoo!

WILLA: After...
after show and tell.

After show and tell...
OK.

Please, seat belts.

Hey, pirate.
Bye.

Hey.
I love you.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Bye.

[engine starts]

BOY: Look out.

[garage door opens]

Mom?

Where are you going?

ELENORE: Hi.

BRETT: Hi.

[chuckles]

What are you doing
out here all alone?

Mom.

Hi.

Oh, she's here.

She's here in the dead of
winter, my wondering one.

I know.

It's so warm here.

It's great.

Why aren't you out
of those clothes?

- I just got here.
- You got to see Dad?

Mm.
He met me at the gate.

Of course.

Good to hear he met
you at the gate.

What are you thinking about?

Nothing.

That's a pretty ring.

Yeah.

Wow.

It's a new guard
around my wedding ring.

You're the first of
the girls to notice.

It's great.

Why don't you think about
swimming while you're here?

Wouldn't hurt to do
a few laps, would it?

No.

How does it feel now, huh?

Do you feel it?

I can't remember
the last time I

asked you what you were
thinking that you answered

with anything but "nothing."

The last time you
could hear the answer.

Mom, come on.

I'm just kidding.

I know to what
extent you're kidding.

You know, you probably won't
be around that much before I'm

gone for good anyway.

So you don't have to worry
about my bothering you.

You never leave me, Mom.

Don't be so sure about that.

[phone ringing]

Do you feel how close it is?

Huh?

Do you want to get
closer now, huh?

Did you find it?

[water splashing]

[children yelling]

[solemn music]

[engine rumbles]

[door slams]

[wind chimes ring]

Gonna take a walk in
the old neighborhood?

I was thinking about it.

You know, I think I
could count on one hand

the times I've seen
you with your shoes

on in your whole life.

Guess I'd better say goodbye.

OK.

Gotta go home
and feed the kid.

Oh, I've got something
for Renee's birthday

I've got to give you.

Is it a leotard?

For her collection?

Yes.

She loves to dance
just like you used to...

- Brett.
- Yeah?

Your office called.

They said something.

BRETT: Yeah.

When she got here.

So are you able to verify that?

All right.

All right.

So he'll be coming
here to talk to her?

Yeah.

Thanks, Jerry, for
getting on it so quickly.

OK.
Bye.

They might have called
your work to check

if you were going to
come in for Christmas,

but they didn't ring in.

If you need anything, I'm here.

Just call.

I don't have to
speak to this guy,

legally, do I, this lawyer?

No.

It's going to be harder on
you if you don't, but you're

not legally bound.

It's going to happen
sometime, Hedda.

It was right for it
to happen sometime.

I've always thought that
this happening would

help you get away from it.

You think you're finally going
to get him, don't you, Brett?

I love you.

I love you, Hedda.

I don't give a sh*t about him.

All I care about is you and
keeping you away from him.

I haven't thought about
any of this for years.

BRETT: But that doesn't
mean you're over it.

Do you think you're over it?

Are you over your arm?

Are you over your leg?

He's my arm.

He's my leg.

I don't want to be over my arm.

I don't want to be over my leg.

What are we to you?

The family?

The family.

What's going on here?

The family?

Just the family?

I can't even believe I care
when you haven't given a sh*t

about any of us in years.

I'm going home to feed my kid.

Will someone tell
me what's going on?

We asked you to stay, Brett.

You see a sister of yours come
to your apartment in the middle

of the night at 16
years of age, Hedda,

you come the way that
you used to come to me,

I dare you to feel
any differently.

And now, you are going
to let him keep you

from ever coming home again.

It's exactly the same.

It is the same it has
always been with him.

It's exactly the same.

What do you mean?

What do mean she came
to your apartment?

I can't believe
we're doing this again.

If anything happens
to her tonight,

I am holding you
personally responsible.

That's great, Ma.

You're a mother and
you're making it worse.

Thanks.

[sobs]

[music - joni mitchell, "river"]

Great.

Mom.

JONI MITCHELL: (SINGING)
It's coming on Christmas.

They're cutting down trees.

They're putting up reindeer and
singing songs of joy and peace.

Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on.

But it don't snow here.

It stays pretty green.

I'm going to make
a lot of money.

Then I'm going to
quit this crazy scene.

I wish I had a river
I could skate away on.

I wish I had a river so long.

I would teach my feet to fly.

Whoa.

I wish I had a river
I could skate away on.

[crickets chirping]

[dog barking]

We gave at the office.

We want more.

We don't have
any more to give.

Sure you did.

[chuckles]

She's my sister.

Your sister?

My sister.

And she's not here.

[sighs]

Do you know when
she'll be back?

BRETT: She's not
going to talk to you.

You don't know where she is?

Where she might be?

She used to go to the pool.

Which pool?

Did anyone know you were
her sister when this

first came up four years ago?

- I don't know.
- How is it at, um...

Littleton and Gates.

[kd laughs]

It's pretty good.

I got a kid.

It's still a shame
not seeing you in court.

[wind rustles]

[gentle music]

Hedda Amerson?

You're him?

I think so.

I'm going swimming.

[solemn music]

Do you have a second hand?

[pants]

I didn't know how good
this is by your standards.

I don't know what it means.

It didn't matter.

Here you go, in
case you get cold.

I wish he could love me
enough, maybe even once,

not to call me in.

I wish anybody could love
anyone that much, just do

for that person what they need.

When you go today...

I won't be there today.

You won't.

When you do something you
can't do, you're not there.

That's how you do it.

A case like this, a trial or
whatever, will never matter.

I won't help anyone.

Why?

Getting somebody for something
they couldn't help doing

in the first place, it just...
it doesn't help anything,

stop anyone.

Could I have a
ride home, please?

Sure.

My car's over there.

[solemn music]

What happened at
the Olympic trials?

I lost.

I know.

But I saw them pull you
out of the pool on TV.

Thank you.

I ripped a muscle in my back.

I'm sorry.

No.

It was my fault. I just...

I kept pulling too hard
on my right side for years

and I never bothered
to fix my stroke.

Maybe I'll fix it now.

I was trying to
tonight, anyway...

first time back in.

Hey, you.

What are you doing awake?

Aw.

KATE: Oh, there's my baby.

Do you want me to hold her?
- I got her.

What are you guys doing here?

You on your way to school?

No.

Nicky woke up this morning.

She got some rash or
something on her forehead.

I want Dad to look at it.

I can't believe Mom still
has that picture up.

I just... she has red
dots or, I don't know...

and I'm thinking maybe she's
allergic to something new.

Oh, goody goody.

Did you guys stay here?

Yeah.

We had power out.

Sorry I didn't call, Mom.

Shh.

ELENORE: Hedda, I'm not going
today if you don't mind.

HEDDA: Whatever you want, Mom.

I don't think I can.

HEDDA: OK.

El.

It's time to leave, sweetheart.

I don't think they'll call
her till this afternoon.

They said 8:00.

So what, are we
going to take one car?

Is that it?

Yeah, I guess so.

What, do you want
to save the gas?

Well, whatever you
girls think is best.

Yeah.
Let's... let's save that gas.

Yeah.
Come on.

Dad.

I don't want you to go.

I don't think...

It's whatever you
want, sweetheart.

Your mom didn't
tell me everything.

But it wouldn't change
how I feel about you.

Yeah, I know.

I just still don't
want you to go.

OK.

[birds chirping]

MAN: Hedda Amerson,
they're ready for you.

BRETT: I got you, babe.

Just go right down front.

And place your left
hand on the Bible

and raise your right hand.

Do you solemnly swear
to tell the truth,

the whole truth, and nothing
but the truth, so help you God?

Uh, you need to say "I will"
or "I do" for the record.

I will.

JUDGE: Thank you.

You may be seated.

Counselor.

Yes, Your Honor.

Good afternoon, Miss Amerson.

Sorry for the delay.

All right.

Let me get myself...

Miss Amerson, there
are incidents that

took place during the time that
you were seeing the defendant

that, uh...

that I'm going to be
asking you questions about.

OK.

Do you remember
Mr. Gregory Wilton?

Yes.

You testified that on the
night of August 12th, 1985,

you were arguing
with the defendant

out in front of your
house on Fisk Street.

I ran into a station wagon.

KD: Did your running at
the car have anything

to do with the argument?

It was because
of the argument,

because of me, everything.

Could you tell us what was
running through your mind

when you ran across the street?

I was very emotional,
immature, when I was young.

The other voice in my
head was just saying,

it will always be this way.

It'll never stop.

Just run.

There was a voice
that told you to run?

When does the
voice speak to you?

When?

Every day?

Every other Thursday?

It speaks to me when
I'm facing reality.

It speaks to me about
who I really am.

Are those also the
type of conversations

you would have
with the defendant?

HEDDA: What do you mean?

Did the conversations ever
make you want to hurt yourself?

No.

You said the voice was saying,
it will always be this way.

It will never change.

What will always be this way?

What wouldn't change?

Certain patterns.

Objection.

Their relationship
isn't on trial here.

Now, surely he can't
be allowed to go

into the whole of their past...

Your Honor, if you'll allow
me to continue with this line

of questioning, it will be
clear that the defendant has

a habit of disabling
women, which he habitually

and automatically returns to.

I want to see
where this is going.

But see that it goes
somewhere quickly.

How would you describe
your relationship

with the defendant?

I wouldn't.

Did he ever strike you?

No.

No?

That... that isn't
what happened.

You were never admitted at
the emergency hospital for...

HEDDA: Strike still
wouldn't be the right word.

Strike is a courtroom word.

It sounds like you're talking
about somebody you don't know.

It sounds premeditated.

Well, what would be
the word that you would

use for what happened instead?

He hit me.

Were you ever
afraid for your life?

No.

If you could just
tell the court, why not?

Because I knew...

I knew, then, that it wouldn't
go beyond a certain point.

f*ck!

If that answers your question.

Yes.

And no.

What does "then" mean?

Sorry?

Does "then" mean
at some point, when

the thought occurred
to you, that he didn't

have it in him to go further?

If you could just give us an
instance so we could understand

why you believe that you think
the defendant is incapable of...

He had a pillow over my head.

But you could still breathe?

Yes.

He was letting you breathe.

I thought I already
answered the question.

OK.

Do you remember
December 11th, 1988?

Some of it.

I was unconscious for all of it.

KD: Why were you
in the hospital?

What were you being treated for?

My head.

I, um... a fall...

I fell from my window.

What... what does that
got to do with anything?

Do you remember
jumping from your window

on the night of
December 11th, 1988?

No.

No?

No, I didn't jump.

KD: You didn't jump?

No.

I stepped.

Was your purpose the
same as on August 12th,

1985 when you ran at the car?

HEDDA: No, it wasn't the same.

It wasn't your purpose
to harm yourself?

No.

KD: What was your intention?

To stop not sleeping.

I hadn't slept,
and I didn't know

if I was going to be able
to sleep again on any basis.

Did your not
sleeping have anything

to do with the defendant?

I hadn't seen him in years.

I wasn't even
thinking about him.

KD: You didn't see
him that night?

HEDDA: No.

I'd like to call the court's
attention to People's exhibit

number two entered into evidence
in yesterday's testimony,

the sign-in sheet
at the emergency

room of the Broadway Hospital.

Would you like to see this?

I believe you, but
I didn't talk to him

and I didn't see him.

My mother told me he was there.

Objection.

Your Honor, the event obviously
has no bearing on this case.

Any further questions
on it would only

serve to satisfy the
curiosity of Mr. Dietrickson,

but certainly wouldn't fulfill
any needs of this court.

If she is testifying
that nowhere in her mind

did she intent to harm herself
in stepping from the window,

then I think it is
probable she was not

in her right mind at the time.

Her state of mind is
the essence of the case

and assessing whether that state
had anything to do with him.

Counselors, let's get back
to the question at hand.

I've agreed to allow this.

So let's just go on with it.

If I'm wrong, you're on
the record for the appeal.

Would you tell us, in
your own words, exactly

what brought you to the window?

I don't know what this
has to do with anything.

KD: Take your time
if you need to.

My other voice
was just saying just

stop it, just step into it.

KD: Stop what?

The not sleeping.

Step into what?

The dark.

How much, uh,
sleep had you lost?

On the whole, I didn't sleep.

How many hours a week do
you think you were getting?

Probably seven to
eight, maybe less.

How long did this go on for?

Um, well, it started
just before Halloween.

So what, October,
November, six weeks roughly?

No, I meant the
year before I...

Are you saying it was
a year and six weeks?

Eight hours a week?

Sometimes I got a
couple hours more.

KD: Why couldn't you sleep?

Had something happened?

I was afraid of the dark.

That's why I didn't want
to go to sleep in it.

I saw it moving.

Why?

Why was nothing as
you thought it was?

Was a table a table?

Was it because nothing
was necessarily

as it had been before?

Had something happened to
make you believe that nothing

was as you thought it was?

There was something
that you felt, believed

utterly, to the point where when
you learned that it wasn't so...

a table wasn't a table and
the dark wasn't that dark.

What was it that you
used to believe in?

What was it that you
believed in more than God?

That he loved me.

But what exactly
brought you to that point

where you know he
didn't love you?

Did you get a phone call that
year from his sister, Rita,

just prior to the period in
which you couldn't sleep?

Rita?

Yeah, I talked to her once.

What did she say?

What did she tell you?

Rita.

That he had...

that Debra had a broken leg.

So you didn't feel that
he didn't love you anymore

until you heard about the leg.

Somewhere in your mind, did
you equate the degree of love

with the degree of v*olence?

What did you feel when
you heard about the leg?

Envy.

I know you want to walk, Hed.

[solemn music]

Mom?

I will in a minute.

Would you like me to leave?

I was always going to tell
you, Hedda, but I just...

it never seemed
like the right time.

I found you myself.

I took you to the
hospital myself.

Mom.

And then I signed
his name on the sign-in

sheet and then I left.

I didn't call an
ambulance because I

thought it would take too long.

And I thought I could
keep any record of it

off any transcript, uh,
just to keep it quiet.

Mom.

You came and sat in the
corner of my room so many times

in the middle of the night.

You were so afraid.

I ended up sleeping with
you just so that you...

I know.

OK.

I know.

ELENORE: And then sometimes...

HEDDA: Mom.

Sometimes the way you
would touch me in your sleep,

I knew...

I knew you thought it was him.

And I just...

I just let her believe it, that
it was him, because I thought

that's why she slept longer.

And you did seem
to sleep longer.

And then that night
at the hospital,

well, I thought if you
thought that he was there...

Mom, you can't be the person...

Oh, you know so well,
mother of a 10-year-old.

You do with your daughter
what you think is best.

I did with mine.

Mom, it's all right.

It's all right.

I knew.

I'm not a liar.

I know you're not a liar.

All right.

All right.

Where's Kate?

Not back from picking
up the kids yet.

So that's what happened.

I'll get that, Hedda.

I'd do it again.

HEDDA: You got any cookies, Mom?

ELENORE: No.

No cookies in the house.

You know that.

Oh my god.

Hey, you.

Will you come back out?

Yeah.

[birds chirping]

[dog barking]

So do you love me enough yet?

[scoffs]

I still say you're a good man.

Is everyone good?

Born?

Yes.

Brett says that you
don't know how to see

another person as an enemy.

She says you don't
know the word "enemy."

Is that what she
wants me to know?

Sometimes I think she'd
want to believe that you

could protect yourself.

Sad.

[solemn music]

[crickets chirping]

Hed, honey, uh, are you going
to be sleeping here tonight?

I was going to.

Yeah.

Oh, OK.
Yeah.

Um, gee.

Just I told Nicky that...

well, I promised
Nicky she could sleep

with all the stuffed
animals and I just...

Well, do you need it for her?

No, no, no it's not... no, no.

I can sleep on the couch.

No, no, no.

- I can sleep...
- Would you, please?

- Yeah.
- Please?

Good.
That would be great.

Nicky!

Hey, Nick.

Where's Pluto?

OK.

Let's get into bed.

[gentle music]

Kate still doesn't
have any power?

[laughs]

I don't think
she even checked.

It's just an excuse so
she can be closer to Mama.

[laughs]

Do you want me to pick
you up for court tomorrow?

When did you tell
him that I didn't

know what the word "enemy" is?

What?

Before you got here today.

As I was walking him
from the front door down

the hallway to the kitchen,
I think we exchanged

about three sentences.

Renee!

Renee!

Come on, pal, let's go.

But you promised me
that I could stay, help

Grandma make pies for tomorrow.

You look so much
like your dad.

Do you know that?

Listen, I need to
talk to Hedda on my own.

So I'll decide in a minute.

- I can stay.
- No, you can't.

RENEE: Mom.

Up, Renee.

Would you like me to stay
out of it, not come tomorrow?

Maybe.

All right.

Maybe I should be kept
out of it from now on.

That means the next
time you're contacted

in New York or the next
time you have to testify,

if this goes to trial, I'll
not be asked for my advice.

And that means I'm not the one
you go to when you want to ask,

what happens if I leave?

It means I think you
should find a lawyer

without my recommendation
when you need one.

Maybe then we can go
back to being sisters.

I can't believe that
you brought up Pluto.

Why would you do?

You know, it's not just an
ordinary stuffed animal.

He was her world, Hedda.

You know that.

Kate, we're talking.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to.

Well, it's just...

uh, yeah.

It's just kids, I guess.

You'll know what I'm talking
about when you have them.

Yeah.

I guess so.

BRETT: Jesus.
Come on.

Let's go.

[solemn music]

[water splashes]

[birds chirping]

Doesn't look like this is
going to go to trial, does it?

Hi.

This is Will.

[inaudible] Yeah, I know.

Hi.

Can I come in?

Sure.

Um, they're going to have
to call you up again anyway.

Oh.

Am I the first one in today?

Yeah.

Great.

So this is where you live.

[laughs]

Pretty much.

I really have to have
to go to the bathroom.

Can you just please just not
let them start without me?

OK?

I'll go.

And I just don't want to
miss even the beginning

part, not at all, OK?

Mom.

Mom.

Yesterday you talked
about the voice that

told you to run at
the car, and you

said that it was the
same voice that told you

to just step out the window.

When, um... yesterday,
you said that you

felt envy for Debra when
you heard of the broken leg.

Do you remember what
you felt about yourself?

I don't know that I
thought about myself.

What was running
through your mind

when you heard about the leg?

She's worth more than me.

I wasn't worth hitting.

Did you feel that you
wanted to be worth hitting?

Worth hitting?

No.

I wanted to be the
one who was hit.

It's different.

Why?

Because then I'd
know I was loved.

Were you 16 when you met him?

Yes.

[chuckles]

Was that your only
experience with romantic love

as you were learning about love?

Had you lost... had you
stopped seeing your friends?

I'd stopped seeing my
family because I wanted

to be with him every minute.

Some of my attachments weren't
good, things about that

had nothing to do with love,
just about myself, my ego

and how I looked.

I just wanted to be
with one other person.

So the attachments
were removed

to anything outside him.

You were alone with him a lot.

As you have testified, you
were talking about things.

Yes.

And then, as you
have testified,

when you were asked whether he
would talk to you first about

these kinds of things, you
said you would talk to me about

these kinds of things that I
hadn't paid attention to yet,

but I would agree with him
when it was pointed out to me,

and then, as you have testified,
sometimes it ended up that he

would... and you verified this...

hit you.

Objection.

Sustained.

- Did he make you feel...
- Objection.

Sustained.

I'll rephrase.

Did you feel relief
when he hit you?

Sometimes.

Did you feel relief because
you felt you were a bad person

and there was a pattern
in your relationship

where, when he'd hit
you, you felt better?

Loved?

I can tell you what
I felt. I felt he was

trying to get through to me.

And that's what I meant when
I said I understood why he hit

me, as I knew he was
trying to get past my skin

to me, inside where I was.

He wanted to be face
to face with me.

Sorry.

[sobs]

When someone gets you to see
exactly how they feel, when

they give you everything
of themselves,

the sadness and the
other side of them

instead of just what they've
divided out of themselves,

the prettier part, they've
given everything to you.

And the experience of
that is it makes you...

you haven't been
left out of anything,

and they've made you part
of everything in them.

When you were
alone with him, um...

was his the only other
voice that you were hearing?

As you had previously
stated, wasn't

this during the time when
you were becoming convinced

that you were a bad person?

Can't the court assume, then,
that he was the one who taught

you you were a bad person?

My mother taught me
that too, not on purpose,

but she did, and a coach I had
once, the Catholic church...

he did.

I did.

There were things that I
have done that weren't good.

And I didn't meet
you when I was 16.

I met him.

And how do you know it
wouldn't have been better?

How do you know if I
didn't love him more,

this wouldn't have
happened, his rage?

That kind of love
doesn't cure rage.

Counselor.

It isn't love.

That's not love.

Your Honor, may I approach?

He made you feel that it
was, and you can't even see it.

JUDGE: Ms. Gill.

You don't love!

You don't love.

JUDGE: Ms. Gill.

Ms. Gill, that's it.

Did you walk... did you
walk... did you walk here?

Have you been walking
for the last six years?

Yes.

I'm going to have
to ask you to leave.

DEBRA: I'm OK.

In the interest of
time, we are moving on.

Do you have a closing
question, Counselor?

Um.

Did the defendant... was the
defendant capable of taking

hold of your mind to the
extent that you could not

think your own thoughts, that...

that only his were there?

Yes, but he didn't have
hold of it that night.

Is that it?

What's it like to
get hit all the time?

- Objection.
- Sustained.

You don't have to answer
that question, Ms. Amerson.

[gentle music]

Does the defense have any
questions at this time?

Yes, Your Honor, just, uh...

just a couple.

Ms. Amerson.

Was the defendant
there the night

you stepped from the window?

Was he in the room with you?

No, not in the room.

ATTORNEY: Ms. Amerson,
if you had a choice

to live your life over again
exactly as it was, exactly

as you have told it to us here,
would you change any of it,

I mean, even one moment of it?

No.

So you take sole
responsibility

for stepping from the window
and running at the car?

I have to.

Thank you.

That's all, Your Honor.

All right.

You may step down
now, Ms. Amerson.

Glenn, would you, uh,
give the witness a hand?

Thank you.

I'm going to walk around just
in these couple of blocks, OK?

I'll be back.

OK.

All right.

I'll come pick you up.

I just hate to see
you so demoralized.

[siren wails]

[solemn music]

[seagulls cawing]

You want to walk?

I don't want to
go home right now.

You wanna go to the beach?

Been there.

Talk about jaded.

Been to the mountains?

Mm hmm.

Do you love anyone?

No.

Everybody, but no
one in the specific.

No one?

My son.

My mom.

You can't love anybody else?

I don't.

When was a table not a table?

[sighs]

[groans]

A couple years ago.

Were you able to work?

Not really.

People know?

No.

I was on one case
for a long time.

So...

What was it that
was your fault?

It has to do with
my wife, Ian's mom.

Will the dark move again, if
you let yourself look at it,

or a table not be a table?

Yes, I think so.

But you don't let yourself?

No.

No.

You going in?

I think I want to sleep.

That OK?

KD: OK.

Where have you been?

KD: No place.

[dog barking]

MAN: You did a great job.

CHILD: I got it.

[chattering]

[gentle classical music]

How you doing?

Can I see him?

Yeah, I think so.

I'll go call.

I can get a cab or have my
sister take me if you want.

KD: No, no, it's fine.

I'd have to take you anyway.

[solemn music]

I'm gonna be upstairs.

How you doing?

HEDDA: OK.

How you doing?

I'm all right.

I tried to call you
a couple years ago.

I know.
My mom told me.

I'm sorry you had
to go through this.

HEDDA: Yeah.

Are you in jail?

No.

I didn't know that you felt
that way about a lot of things,

about things you'd done.

You don't know.

You have to do
something like that.

I know.

It's different.

The reason I called you when
I did was to say I was sorry.

[chuckles]

What's so funny?

It's just funny... the word.

It's not even long.

It's just funny, one word for
years at a time, you know?

How's your mom?

The same.

And your dad?

HEDDA: Dad's good.

Still go to church?

[laughs]

Every Sunday.

Do you still go?

No.

It sounds like you still
believe what they taught us.

Probably.

GREGORY: That's too bad.

Why?

Because of what they
told us about God.

What is God to you?

HEDDA: What do you mean?

Is he like us?

No, he's not us, if
that's what you mean.

So he's without our needs.

HEDDA: Uh huh.

Is he complete, then?

HEDDA: Yes.

Why does he need you
to be anything for him?

I think your God should be at
least as complete as you are,

as forgiving.

[solemn music]

How are you now?

I'm better.

I don't let myself get attached
anymore the way I did with you.

I can't make life
that important again.

It's ironic.

I was so much better,
and then this happened.

I'm still both.

But I was better.

What about your daughter?

You're not attached to her?

I don't know.

I've enjoyed observing
her get older.

HEDDA: You're not
attached to her?

I can't afford to be.

Thank you for coming to see me.

You know, there was
something I wanted to ask

you about when we were young.

Do you want to
ask me something?

[siren wails]

No.

It doesn't matter.

[MUSIC - KANSAS CITY CHORALE,
"SILENT NIGHT"]

KANSAS CITY CHORALE: (SINGING)
Silent night, Holy night.

I'm gonna go.

KANSAS CITY CHORALE:
(SINGING) All is calm.

All is bright.

Round yon virgin
mother and child.

Holy infant so tender and
mild, sleep in heavenly peace.

Silent night, Holy night.

[laughs]

HEDDA: Simon says put your...

Dad, do you want to have a
drink? 'Cause I'll get you one.

No, thanks.

No.

Leo, would you like to
know what was said in court?

[gasps]

Christmas angels!

[inaudible]

Yes, one present.

One present, OK?

You're going to the
airport tomorrow.

- Yeah.
- I want to take you.

I'm going to take you.
- Great.

- What time do you leave?
- 10:30.

10:30.
Good.

- Great.
- OK, great.

Oh, Hed.

No, I can't do it.

I can't do it.

It's OK.

I'll ask Dad.
- OK.

I'll ask Dad.

All right.
Bye bye.

Bye.

Bye.
OK.

We gotta go.

One present, one present.

That's good.

[MUSIC - LITTLE MISSENDEN
SCHOOL, "AWAY IN A MANGER"]

[dog barking]

Ian, come here.

Dad.

Merry Christmas.

[sighs]

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

LITTLE MISSENDEN SCHOOL:
(SINGING) In your tender care...

and fit us for heaven,
to live with you there.

[gentle music]

Hi.

Hi, Mom.

I thought you'd like
to take this with you.

[laughs]

Wow.

Thanks.

We're leaving.

I'll see you
tomorrow, sweetie.

OK.

Um, Mom, can we go?

Yeah.

Just a minute, just...

RENEE: OK.

I'm gonna open
one present tonight.

Hey, hey.

[laughs]

Remember how Mom and Dad
would never let us do that?

And everybody else got to.

Is Dad driving you tomorrow?

Mm.

Is that why the ticket was
half, leaving on Christmas?

No one flies on
Christmas morning.

You do.

Mom, let's go.

Did you thank
Grandma and Grandpa?

- No.
- Go on.

Go on.

I love you more.

I know I'm not supposed to.

I'm supposed to love everybody
in the family the same,

but I don't.

You're so beautiful.

Don't let anybody
take that away.

RENEE: Come on, Mom.

Let's go.

Say goodbye to your aunt.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Bye, sweetie.

I'm goin'.

Bye.

Bye.

[sobs]

Hi.

Hi.

[chuckles]

[sighs]

What you been doing?

I've been thinking about
if you were all right, a lot.

- I'm always all right.
- Yeah.

I know.

So... huh?

I wanted to say goodbye.

Goodbye?

Yeah.

And thank you for being nice.

That was hard.

Am I ever gonna see you again?

No.

But I'll think of
you all the time.

As what?

[chuckles]

As my lawyer and
guardian angel...

that's supposed to be savior
and guardian... as my savior

and guardian angel.

But not as a person? you
can't think of me as a person?

No, not as a person.

I have to stay
attached right now.

I have to build up my
resistance like everybody else.

You're not everybody else.

You want a piece of pie?

[gentle music]

[dog barking]

You don't like it?

No.

Well, at least you're fair.

Ian's mom?

Yeah.

You know, I realized I called
her my wife to you before, but,

uh, Ian's mom is who she is.

So what'd you
lose your belief in?

Saw a table wasn't a table?

Me.

And now you love everybody,
but nobody in particular...

your son, your mom.

Will you be disappointed
if it doesn't go to trial?

Yeah.

[solemn music]

How old is your son?

He's eight.

He's great.

Ian?

Ian, yeah.

You'll meet him.

HEDDA: Ian's mom.

You.

Thanks.

No, thank you.

For what?

I'll tell you when I can.

See ya.

[MUSIC - COUNTING CROWS,
"MILLER'S ANGELS"]

COUNTING CROWS:
(SINGING) Miller's angels

in black and white
welcome everyone in,

children dreaming of wrong
and right, wrapped in grace

and in sin.

They come out of blue sky.

They come out of the blue.

They come out of the blue sky.

But you never know
where they're gonna go.

Hey, Romeo.

Miller's fingers are traveling
down the length of her thigh.

But Miller's mind
is still wandering,

staring up at the sky.

They come out of the blue sky.

They come out of the blue.

They come out of the blue sky.

But you never know
where they're gonna go.

Hey, Romeo.

No, you never know
where they're gonna go.

Hey, Romeo.

Don't, don't, don't,
don't, don't, don't, don't,

don't, don't come around.

Don't, don't, don't,
don't, don't, don't,

don't, don't come around.

Please, don't.

Don't, don't, don't,
don't, don't come around.

Miller's angels are hovering in
between the Earth and the sun.

In the shadow of
God's unwavering love,

I am a fortunate son.

They come out of the blue sky.

They come out of the blue.

They come out of the blue sky.

But you never know
where they're gonna go.

Hey, Romeo.

No, you never know
where they're gonna go.

Hey, hey, Romeo.

No, you never know
where you're gonna go.

Hey, Romeo.