03x01 - History Lessons

[bunniefuu]

FIXIT: GroundBridge controls set to your requested coordinates, Lieutenant Bumblebee.

Thank you, Fixit.

Time to move out for stop number 41 on Bumblebee's Titanic Tour of Earth.

Oh, how I wish I could go with you.

You've visited so many amazing places.

Waterfalls, pyramids, that adorable tilted building in the land humans call Italy.

You've missed exactly zotz, Fixit.

Since we took down Decepticon Island, we've just been looking at stuff, most of it old.

Hey, old stuff can be important and history is interesting.

Yeah, history.

When everything was slow.

Like Strongarm.


- Ow!
- How's that for slow, punk?
[COMPUTER BEEPING]

This tour stop is special, team.

I think you're really gonna get a kick out of it.

We get to kick something? No, we just You All right, just come on.

Of all the tour stops you've taken us to, no question, this is the worst.

You have teleported us to a human m*llitary base? Oh! We'll be discovered any minute.

Lieutenant, you have blown our cover on Earth.

Transformers Robots in disguise Robots in disguise
[ROARS]

Robots in disguise Robots in disguise STRONGARM: Fixit, the Lieutenant has compromised our cover.

Open a GroundBridge portal and bring us back Belay that, Fixit, everything is fine here.

Out.

Just relax, Autobots.

What do you notice about this place? There's a concentrated layer of atmospheric particles on all of the furniture in here, as though none of it has been used in an extended period of time.

Dusty, right.

What else? Um, whoever used this place had terrible taste in really old furniture? There is nothing but old furniture here.

DRIFT: It has been stripped of personal items and any equipment of value.

In other words, I think this place was abandoned.

It's abandoned now.


[]

All right, let's scan that Jeep for some desert camouflage, just in case.


- What about me?
- Grimlock, if anyone asks, you're a big green metal robot from outer space that can turn into a dinosaur.

Gotcha! Hope I can remember that.


[CHUCKLES]

Sir, are we where I think we are? Yeah, in the middle of a bunch of abandoned buildings.

My mind is totally blown by how historically significant this is.

This is significant.

This is the base that Optimus Prime, Lieutenant Bumblebee and their team used in their battles against Megatron, Starscream Yeah, I don't need a history lesson.

Then doesn't matter, just now, and now the place doesn't look like much.

BUMBLEBEE: Eh, the humans didn't get anything of Cybertronian importance from the base.

We put those things in the subterranean levels, which we never even told them about For their own safety.

We sealed those floors up tight before we left.

Can we take a closer look? Without deactivating from boredom? Doubt it.

Show some respect, Sideswipe.

This is practically hallowed ground for Cybertronians.

Yeah.

Well, let's check out the old clubhouse.

All right, let's rev up and roll out!
[]


[TIRES SCREECHING]


[ROARS]

Ah, the adventures we had here.

Oh.

Stay alert, in case any defense systems we installed are still running Humans wouldn't have triggered them.

We attuned the defenses only to Bots.

Those defenses got quite a workout this one time we were att*cked by Decepticons.


[LAUGHS]

I remember hiding in a pile of scrap armor on a lower level and surprising two of them when they came by.

Man, lots of great hiding places down there.

Oh.

And that time Bulkhead challenged me to arm wrestle? We nearly destroyed two floors of the base.

Ah, good times.

You should consider writing a memoir of those days, sir.

Well, I did keep a holo
-diary back when I was younger, but I decided it was silly and gave it up.

Anyway, the artifacts still in this base should be preserved for future generations.

Actually, now that I think about it, this whole planet is littered with remnants of Cybertronian battles and adventures.

Without Decepticons to face, maybe our next mission should be collecting those.

I bet we could find some historically important fur at that place where I stared down that cat that one time.

Uh, Bee, is that supposed to be part of the base? BUMBLEBEE: It doesn't look familiar.

Let's give it a visual recon.


[GRUNTS]

What was that? One of your security measures.

DRIFT: The containment field encloses us in a small area.

STRONGARM: We're penned in.

Too tight to maneuver.


[ORBS WHIRRING]


[ALL GRUNT]

STRONGARM: Field's down.


[DODGE EFFORTS]

This is what history gets you: a whole lot of trouble.

Ow!
[GRUNTS]

The drones are the second component of this security measure.

The field bunched us together, made us easy targets.


[GRUNTS]

Hey! That does not feel pleasant!
[ROARS]

Lieutenant, why don't your defense systems recognize you? Or us, as Autobots?
[GRUNTS]

They were coded to recognize allies
[GRUNTS]

but Decepticons captured one of our team and used him to gain access to the base, so we removed those codes.

Slipstream, Jetstorm, assist us.

Our pleasure, Master.

Okay, that made this tour stop a little more fun.

Bumblebee to Fixit: We're in proximity to an unknown Cybertronian device.


- Can you scan it?
- I can, Lieutenant.

The device is an expensive Corrosive expl*sive.

But its construction is unusual.

It appears cobble
-cobble
-cobble
-cobble Assembled from various Cybertronian parts.

I'm unable to determine how powerful the b*mb is.

BUMBLEBEE: Study its detonation mechanism, Fixit.

Find us a way to turn it off.

Bumblebee out.

We could just dig it up and destroy it, sir.

Ah, that could set off the expl*sive.

And we just don't know.

It could be powerful enough to destroy the base and that active m*llitary installation by the mountains.

So we simply remain here while Fixit conducts his research? No.

Whoever set this b*mb may still be around.

Drift, Slipstream and Jetstorm, search that way.

Grimlock and Strongarm, head that direction.

Sideswipe, with me.

This map better be right.

I don't want to be wasting my time.

Considering what you did to that Decepticon to force him to give you the map, I doubt he'd play any tricks on
[METALLIC FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Ow! Why'd you stop so? Oh.

Come on! Form up! You and the others want our protection from whatever you're running from.


[]

Come on, then, if you dare! Okay, that's new.

If I remember my history correctly, um, didn't we get rid of all the Decepticons that were on Earth? These must be stragglers, or 'Cons who came to Earth after we sent the Alchemor back to Cybertron.

You Autobots can't stop me.

Ahem.

This is the job where Paralon makes his name as a relic hunter.

You ever see a Mini
-Con give off energy like that? No, and it looks like he's powering up his host to some degree.

Stay clear while I call for backup.

Backup? We're not exactly dealing with Megatronus, here.


[BATTLE CRY]

Oh, I assure you, I am to be reckoned with!
[BOTH GRUNTING]

Huh? Autobots, requesting immediate backup at my position.


[EFFORTING GRUNTS]

Call anyone you like.

I won't be denied.


[GRUNTS]


[ BUMBLEBEE ]

: Autobots, requesting immediate backup at my position.


- What is it?
- A call from the Lieutenant.

But it was garbled and full of static.

Strongarm to Drift.

Did you receive that last comm from Bumblebee? DRIFT
[ON COMM]

: We did, though we could not understand it.

I assume he was simply checking on our status.

Yeah, that's probably right.

Okay, Strongarm out.

Everything's fine.

Let's just keep going.

When you say everything's fine, do you mean you know everything's fine, or you hope everything's
[DEVICE BEEPS]

fine? Grimlock, don't move.

Okey
-doke.

You may have stepped on a mine.

Maybe another of Bee's old defense mechanisms.

If you take your foot off it, it could The next word out of your mouth better be "tickle.

"
[GRUNTS]

Students! We hear and obey, Master.

What's in this base is mine by right of salvage, do you hear me?
[ALL GRUNTING]


[ALL GASP]


[BATTLE CRY]


[GASPS]

Huh?! Hey!
[STARTLED YELP]

Drift, look out! I'm not in control of my body! I do not know how to assist you without hurting you, Bumblebee.

JETSTORM: Pardon us, esteemed leaders.


[]


[]


[BOTH GRUNT]

We could No.

We might No.

What if we? Would you please just pick an idea and go with it? Okay, here's what I'm going to do.

If you did step on a defense mechanism for the base, only one Bot will know how to deactivate it.

Strongarm to Bumblebee, come in.

Come in, for Scrud's sake! Must be more of that weird interference.

I'll go find him.

You stay here.


[TIRES SCREECHING]

Like I'm gonna go anywhere!
[ALL GROANING]

We can't waste time finishing them.

This place could be crawling with Autobots, trying to keep me from my triumph.

I wanted more of a cushion for us to get to safety, but now there's no choice.

I'm accelerating the b*mb's countdown.


[DEVICES COMMUNICATING]

We need to get to the command center.

It'll be shielded and will protect us from the blast.

You're just gonna let the b*mb wipe out these Autobots? PARALON: The blast will unearth the base's lower levels, and these fools' destruction will be a happy bonus, not to mention an impressive accomplishment for me.

I didn't sign on to end the lives of others.

What kind of scavenger are you, Buzzstrike? We take what we want, and if any bot gets in our way, that's their problem! Now, come on!
[SIGHS]

"I'm going to show you some history.

It's important and fun.

" Yuck!
[ALL GROANING]

SIDESWIPE: Looks like Bee and the g*ng will wake up in a sec.

And I know zotz about defusing bombs.

I'm better off seeing if I can drag those slagheads back here so they can defuse it.


[TIRES SCREECH]

Oh, sweet Solus Prime.

Lieutenant, the b*mb! You need to see this! What now?
[BEEPING]

Fixit, the b*mb is about to blow.

Do you have a plan to defuse it? Fixit? Scrap.

Lieutenant, what can we do? Only one thing I can think of.

Oh, what a find.

And it's still operational.

I'm going to be known all over the galaxy! Yeah, as a burnt circuit.

What, am I supposed to be impressed, Autobot? I already defeated you once.

You got lucky.

You won't this time.

I've got 'em cornered.

Come running, Bumble
[GRUNTS]


[GROANS]

Bee?
[GROANS]

Yes! All hail Paralon, slayer of Autobots! If my team is gone, the least I can do is make sure you don't get what you want.

Buzzstrike, do something!
[GRUNTS]

Not up for a rematch? Ha! Later, shorty.

They're gonna be after me in half a picosec.

Where can I? History.

Perfect timing, sir.

The field contained the expl*si*n completely.


[EXHALES]

All right, let's wrap this up before that Decepticon actually blows up something important, like a crucial artifact, or us.

Sideswipe, come in.

Sideswipe!
[INTERFERENCE OVER COMM]

Drift, you and your students find him.


- Strongarm and I will
- Actually, sir, Grimlock could use your help.

As in, immediately.


[SIGHS]

How many levels does this pathetic base have? Hey, show some respect.


[GRUNTS]


[EFFORTING GRUNT]

Don't you know this base is historically significant? Okay.

Freaky.

BUZZSTRIKE: You can keep the w*apon we found, Autobot, if you let us walk out of here.

How about if I keep the w*apon and take you down? Because that's the only way this ends.


[BOTH GRUNTING]


[GROANS]


[GASPS]

Get away while you can, Bee.

I can't be saved, but at least I won't take anyone with me.

Whoa!
[GRUNTS]


[WHIMPERS]

We didn't set any mines.

This is just an old armor buffer Ratchet threw out.

See? I, uh I figured it was something like that.

Come on, we have to get back to the team.


[GROANS]

Strongarm? Hey, you're not all blown up.

Huh? Oh, oh, the b*mb.

No, everyone's okay.

Where's the Decepticon? I don't know.

He had me.

Why didn't he finish me off? And why didn't he take this?
[GROANS]

Where? What happened? The Autobot defeated you.

His teammates were closing in.

I barely escaped and brought you back here to our skimmer.

Where is the w*apon we found? You didn't take the w*apon? There wasn't time.

Fine.

But we say nothing to the others.

I'm going to be a great relic hunter, and I won't have them laughing at me.

Understood? BUMBLEBEE: So you found those lower
-level hiding spots I told you about, huh? I guess history came in handy after all.

Well, maybe a little.

Bumblebee to Fixit.

Can you read me? FIXIT
[ON COMM]

: Clear as a smell Gel Bell, Lieutenant.

Well, it's good to hear your voice again, Fixit.

Are you reading any Decepticon signals in our area? Negative.

The coast is sheer Steer.

Very good, Fixit.

We'll get back to you.

Speaking of history, that reminds me.

I found this while I was hiding.

Oh, uh, yeah, you better Just give that to me, Sideswipe.

It's a historical artifact, it could be delicate.


[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]


[LAUGHS]

Bee, is this you? Are you?
[LAUGHTER]

Are you waving your leg for help? Sideswipe, that's my diary, okay? And exercise videos, they were very popular on Earth in those days, I thought maybe I'd make one for Cybertronians.

Most undignified.

But highly amusing.

Sideswipe, give it Seriously, give it.


[LAUGHING]

What's the matter? Not so crazy about history now, are ya?
[LAUGHS]


[ALL LAUGH]