01x02 - Pancake Rage

[bunniefuu]

[quirky music playing]

[sizzling]

[rock music playing]

[Teresa] Hello?

Where is everyone?

Hello?

Hey, tea bag.

Welcome to the worst hangover

of your life, baby girl.

[Sandy crying]

[continues crying]

Sandy, please.

You've been nonstop for hours now.

Look who I found.

First to pass out at the sleepover,

as per usual.

What the hell are you all doing?

I just saw a real life seal

in the netball courts.

Oh, that's Seal, the seal. [chuckles]

- Huh?

- Like the singer.

I need to call my husband.

I need to go back home to Brisbane.

[gasps] Oh, my God,

this is happening in Brisbane, too.

Why are you all not panicking?

We panicked at 4:00 a.m.

You just missed it.

We're sorry, okay?

We'll never leave you

out of the panicking ever again.

- Okay.

- All right? Okay.

Nobody really knows

what's happening right now.

The power's out

and there's no phone signal.

So why don't you grab a pancake,

take a deep breath

and come and sit down

and we'll make a plan, yeah?

Well, some of us knew what was happening.

[clicks tongue]

There was a small miscommunication.

[all scoffing]

There are no pancakes left.

I don't know how any of you

can eat at a time like this.

Oh, um, well, Teresa,

why don't you and Zoe

share some of Sandy's pancake

since she's not eating it?

[shouts] No!

Teresa, it is bad enough

you stole my Oakleys in grade 12.

Now you want my pancake, too, huh?

What kind of best friend

would do that, Teresa?

Sorry, Sandy, but since when

were we best friends?

Saskia was my best friend.

[Sandy] No, Zoe was Saskia's best friend.

No, Amelia was Zoe's best friend.

[Sandy] No, it was Amelia,

and then she ditched her for Saskia.

And we were best friends, Teresa.

[Teresa] Whatever, please,

just give me this pancake.

You want it? Oh, you

Go get it!

- [Teresa gasps]

- [Sandy sobs]

Right, ladies, what's our plan?

Because as former school captain

- [all] Caretaker.

- Yes, okay, whatever.

I'm happy to lead this emergency response.

[Sandy] Yeah, Sas?

What's the plan?

[Saskia] Hmm?

Oh, um

I don't think we need to,

you know, nominate a leader or anything.

We just chip in, share.

Um, but it might be helpful

to just have one person across

I will search for a signal.

And maybe the old rowing team can

take a boat and see what's out there.

- Yeah.

- So, me and you.

Amelia, right?

And I will look for some first aid kits

and, oh, some second aid kits.

Yeah, and, um, I am gonna

Find another bird to sh*t in your mouth?

Trip and fall into a sinkhole?

Or just f*ck off and die.

[Genevieve] Zoe, you can wash up

as penance.

And I'll do a stockpile of the food.

But in the meantime,

nobody eat anything or use any water.

We don't know how long we'll be here for.

An honour code.

A sisterly agreement

that no one eats until we all eat.

- [all agreeing]

- Okay? Great.

And what better way to lift our spirits

than with a little school spirit?

Oh, no, don't.

Ridge Heights ladies staying calm ♪

We make such a better crowd ♪

Better ♪

- Mels, can I talk to you for a sec?

- [plates crash]

Nah, I'm good.

Sorry to disappoint you.

[sighs]

[soft eerie music playing]

Good, girls, good.

Stay focused. Eyes forward.

[young Saskia] In time.

[young Saskia] Come on, girls.

In time, come on.

Okay. Stop rowing. Stop!

Do you want to be on a state championship

winning team, Amelia?

Come on, I asked you a question,

you redneck.

Do you want to be on this team or not?

Not really, no.

Then get out of my boat.

You heard me. Get out of the boat.

Go! Get out of the f*cking boat, Amelia.

Maybe pick up the pace a little, Collins.

Maybe go f*ck yourself, Saskia.

What?

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Easy.

Amelia, what are you doing?

[Teresa] Stop! Amelia.

[Sandy] Okay, ladies, let's find my bag!

It has to be here somewhere.

Nobody rests until it is found.

Oi, Sandy, is this it?

[Sandy] Are you kidding me?

I can smell that pleather knock-off

from here.

Offence taken, Forgettable Laura.

[Laura] Where did you get those?

Aren't we meant to be waiting

to eat together?

[Genevieve] Yes, we are.

I didn't get a pancake this morning,

and I somehow still haven't found my bag.

It's a D'Amiré, Pepé.

A limited edition D'Amiré.

It is a total waste of womanpower

to look for a bag, Sandy.

We need candles and torches.

Something we can trap the ibises with

if we get really desperate for food.

Hey!

I was mid wish chip.

This is life and death, Sandy.

- What don't you understand about it?

- [Sandy] Is it?

Well, maybe we can

make it life and death, Pepé.

- Come on!

- [Genevieve] Get away from me!

[Megan] Wait. Is everyone doing something?

Maybe we just need to look like

we're doing something to

honor the sisterly agreement.

- Mmm.

- Mmm. [chuckles]

Yeah. [gasps]

- No.

- We're going to need a clipboard.

- [Tegan] Mmm.

- [Megan] Yes.

[both] Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

[both humming]

f*ck this.

[sighs]

[soft music playing]

[whirring]

[gasping]

[panting]

[chuckling]

[crying]

Oh, God, what am I doing?

[breathing heavily]

[gasping]

Amelia, uh, how can I, uh

How can I help you?

- [paddle zaps]

- Oh! [laughs]

They're working, yes.

They're definitely working.

I forgot I left them on to check.

Anyway, what's up?

You talk now, please.

Do you think you could get me

some Prolexoft?

Uh, Prolexoft. That Yes. um

Oh, yeah, of course. Prolexoft.

Great.

Figure in a school of 800 girls,

it can't be that hard to track down

some anti-depressants, right?

[laughs] Yeah.

[in sing-song] b*tches be crazy.

[chuckles]

Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry. I didn't

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I am now.

- Wait, did something happen?

- Oh.

- We hear something about a rescue?

- No, no. It's just, um

- We are safest up here.

- Yeah.

Um

Can we keep the Prolexoft thing

between us?

Yeah. Doctor-patient congeniality.

- Yeah, it's

- Yeah.

Prolexoft, got it.

[quirky music playing]

[motor running]

[motor stops]

Did you throw a brick

through the radio club window?

Maybe.

Why are you all wet?

What's with the toothbrush?

Can you make the radio work?

Do you still know how to use it?

Yeah, but not without power.

Good. Let's go get some.

Bit busy getting us saved here, actually.

Scorching a big-ass "help" sign

into the grass.

Any minute now, the letters

are going to show up,

and then the Westpac rescue chopper

is going to see that sh*t.

And, bam, we will be out of here.

You're welcome.

No, they won't.

And why is that, smarty pants?

Because that's not herbicide.

That's petrol.

Strike two, Zoe.

Wait! What was strike one?

Yep.

Got it.

Oi, wait up.

[generator running]

f*ck!

You all right, Mels?

I'm on a deadline here.

Oh! She's on a deadline.

You're on a deadline?

- Yes.

- This is life and death sh*t, Phoebe.

Okay? We are going to be here

for a long time,

and this f*cking deadline

is the difference

between whether or not we eat in a month.

Do you have any idea

how unstable the market is right now?

There is no market.

There's no trading floor,

there's no ones, there's no zeros.

We are stranded indefinitely.

The currency is now, is now food

and water and batteries and tampons.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

You're being very melodramatic, okay?

And you are going to feel like

a bit of a fuckwit

when we get out of here tomorrow.

Now excuse me while I find a signal.

[Amelia] f*cking deadlines and handbags.

- Zoe, just stop.

- Sorry.

I've been meaning to say, um,

I like your hair like that.

Just trying to make conversation.

Yeah, because when it matters,

we don't hear a peep out of you,

but by the time you do,

you're all in.

You know he's gonna be okay, right?

You don't get to talk about Danny, okay?

Or my sad little peanut farm

or any of the other

unremarkable things about me that don't

live up to your expectations, okay?

You've no idea about my life.

I may have added a few little

attention grabbing flourishes.

You drew a d*ck and balls, didn't you?

d*ck and balls, so reductive.

Feminist flourishes.

[petrol can thumps]

[Amelia] Feminism won't power

the generator, Zoe.

Lift with your knees.

[upbeat music playing]

[Tegan] No.

It's too professional. No.

Clipboard like that

invites too many questions.

[tsks] Yeah, you're right.

This bitch is too competent.

Like she's into mentoring.

She wants to know

where you see yourself in five years.

We don't want to see her at all.

Bye, bitch.

[clipboard crashes]

Oh! Slay, yes.

Black. Simple.

It says, "I'm in business,

but not enough for you to ask me

any detailed questions about it."

[gasps]

Bitch, come here.

We're gonna be okay, Tegan.

We're gonna be okay.

[gasps]

[both cheering]

All right.

- Oh, we got a signal.

- Can we see any other signals?

No, it's too rudimentary for that, but

no harm in putting out a little call.

[clears throat]

You're listening to Zo-Zo FM

where the secret word of the day is Pocko.

For all of our international listeners,

that's what this Aussie broadcaster

is nicknaming the apocalypse.

Call in with your funniest stories

of surviving the Pocko on 9-7

No, but seriously, mayd

- [rumbling]

- ay.

- Strike three?

- Yeah.

Yep.

[rumbling and creaking]

[Genevieve] Please, please, Sandy, stop.

Sandy, stop eating.

Our survival depends on it.

f*ck survival, Pepé.

We're better off dying.

You want to rot away in here fighting over

pancake crumbs? Give me that mini pizza.

Sandy, no, if not for us,

at least think of the gluten.

I f*cking hate lamingtons!

Tacky Australian cakes!

[Amelia] Sandy, no!

Oh, you wanna go too, peanut farmer?

Well, come at me!

- [Amelia exclaims]

- And don't get me started on Vegemite.

I mean, what the f*cking f*ck,

you f*cking sickos?

Drop it!

Drop it.

[Genevieve] No!

How dare you?

That was our only source of Vitamin B!

- It's a jar of salt, Pepé.

- Don't.

[Genevieve] See, Amelia?

This is why we need a leader.

It's chaos without one. Don't touch me.

- Hey.

- [emotionally] Sorry. Sorry.

I know it's stupid,

but I just can't stop thinking

about my next IVF appointment

in two weeks.

Aw, I don't think that's stupid, T.

I think it's perfectly natural.

I know it looks bad,

but we don't know what we don't know.

We just have to stay positive.

Yeah, but, Sas, we are so high up,

and it is everywhere.

What if everything is [mumbles]

Yeah. Okay. Hey, hey, hey.

It's okay.

Do you know what I learned

from creating a startup?

How to fail.

There was a period about three years ago,

bank accounts were empty,

investors weren't calling us back.

So we sat down our staff

and gave them an option.

Either ride it out

or go find another job.

Teresa, no one left.

Do you know why?

Because it's not a failure

until someone says it's over.

In my experience, hope only dies

when you decide to fail.

Okay, um [sniffles]

I've got a couple of days' worth

of hormone sh*ts left in my bag.

- I should keep taking them, right?

- Definitely.

You're gonna go home, Teresa.

Isn't that right?

[up-tempo rock music playing]

[music stops]

I reckon I still got it.

[coughs]

- I was just

- We were just, um

- Allocating beds.

- [Tegan] Yep.

Yes, it's excellent spring coil

for a chastity bed of its kind.

Oh! Um, note it for 11F, please.

Wait, you're allocating rooms? [gasps]

Can I bag the big prefect dorm?

Uh, no. No, no, no.

No way, Renee. 2F is mine.

Wait, Sandy, did you shower?

Yeah. Okay, yeah. I f*cking showered.

I was covered in gluten and Vegemite.

But I thought that we weren't

meant to be using any water or anything.

Renee, if you were smart,

which you're obviously not,

you'd shotgun a bed and hit the showers

before everybody else does.

Because trust me, they will.

Oh, and FYI, ladies,

the water pressure still f*cking sucks.

2F, b*tches.

Know what, anything but a bunk bed.

Thank you.

- You get all that?

- Yep.

Dope.

[indistinct chatter]

Is that ice cream?

Since someone breached

the sisterly agreement,

there's only frozen stuff left.

Okay, Pepé, you try looking

for a limited edition tote

on an empty stomach.

Peas?

Okay, so I found a few months' worth

of Prolexoft.

Among other things.

Thanks, Renee.

Um, surely we'll be well and truly

out of here before you run out.

Yeah.

[Renee sighs]

[mouthing]

[inaudible]

Oh, you don't have to worry

about any of that.

Yeah, Zoe's been making sure

that nobody takes

your old boarding school room from you.

She did kind of tell us.

We just didn't listen.

Yeah.

I know.

[crying]

Come on, Sandy.

Got enough bloody water troubles

without you adding to them,

don't we, girls?

- [chatter stops]

- Hey?

You didn't even wash up, Zoe.

[dishes clanging]

[water gurgling]

- Lauren

- Three

[screaming]

[sniffs]

Well, plumbing's f*cked.

[all laughing]

Suck sh*t, Zoe.

Literally.

[all laughing]

I needed that.

That's karma.

[laughter continues]

[shushing]

[all quieten]

I knew it.

We're f*cked.

And if we're destined to die in this dump,

I need everybody to back

the f*ck off of 2F, okay,

because there is no chance

I am sleeping in a g*dd*mn

bunk bed like a little prison bitch.

- Sandy.

- Especially you, Zoe "bird sh*t" Miller.

Sandy, settle down.

Tegan and Megan have allocated the dorms.

Everyone's got a bed.

Don't they, Forgettable Laura?

Um

Yeah, they just gave me the clipboard.

Said go with it.

Oh, my God. They are out there

shotgunning 2F.

- f*ck this!

- It's a system, actually.

- Don't you dare!

- [Sandy screaming]

Didn't think I'd see you again.

Thanks.

It's been in eventful day.

I won't bore you with the details,

but in short

[sighs]

We're already out of fresh food and water.

There are dozens of us,

and we might be here for months.

Well, it sounds like you're all over it.

They're not afraid of me.

I know that I hurt you, Amelia.

And

please know that I am sorry.

But this authority that you all

look to me with, it's projected and

I never asked for any of it.

Don't overthink it. [chuckles]

We need a bitch.

I don't do that sh*t any more.

Thing is, Saskia, when you were captain,

we never lost a race.

[dramatic music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

More like this.

Stronger together!

Bitch! [laughs]

[indistinct shouting]

[Genevieve] Please! Please!

Think of the sisterly agreement.

[Sandy crying]

Sandy! Would you shut up already?

Sandy, please, could you

Please, could you cry a little quieter?

I need to concentrate. Mitch usually does

these injections for me.

[Sandy] I don't know why

you're bothering.

Everything, including

your precious embryos, is dead.

[Saskia] Sandy!

Why don't we go look for your bag?

Finally.

[indistinct chatter in background]

- [indistinct shouting]

- Okay.

Ready?

Done.

Thank you, Saskia.

[quirky music playing]

[grunts]

[fire whooshes]

[fire crackling]

f*ck!

[Sandy crying]

Why the f*ck would my bag

be all the way down here?

Maybe you left it here after

we collected the netballs last night.

- Hey, guys, what's up?

- [screams]

Jesus, Zoe. Don't do that, please.

That's not my f*cking bag.

It's just stupid Zoe, living out

in the shed like the reject she is.

[grunts]

Come on, mate. You wanna help us look

for a frigging handbag?

Guess so.

- Yeah, it's a good time.

- [Zoe chuckling]

It's in the sinkhole.

- I just know it.

- [Saskia shushing]

Sandra Dee, we're going

to try again tomorrow, okay?

[Sandy groans]

I just want to go home.

I wish I never came.

[Saskia] I know. I know.

[Saskia shushing]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[scoffs]

I hated this place.

Really? God, I loved it.

Never really shake it off, though, do you?

I kind of feel like I've always been

last runner up.

Well, you did try to tell us, Zo-Zo.

It's just that this was unbelievable.

How long do you think you could survive

out at sea on one of these things?

Maybe like two, three days.

What do you reckon?

I think anything is possible

until you decide to fail.

And I've never once made that decision.

- [whispers] Get up.

- Oh, yeah.

Good? Come on.

[snoring]

- [Saskia grunts]

- [Zoe] Oh, j

[Sandy continues snoring]

Oh

Oh, can you get my shoes?

[Zoe] Sas?

- Sas?

- [Saskia] Yeah.

Sas, wait. What the f*ck did we just do?

We have to go back.

What are you talking about?

It was your idea

to push Sandy out to sea

until she calms down.

What? No. That wasn't

That's not what I

That's what I meant.

I didn't mean push her out on the boat.

I meant maybe if we don't get rescued,

we're going to have to leave

on a f*cking boat, you know?

- That is not what I

- Right.

So you can see how I got confused by that.

Saskia, stop!

Zoe, we will not survive

if we bring her back tonight.

- Yes, we will.

- She's a virus, Zo.

And if we allow her to infect the others

with her hopelessness,

we will never get our sh*t together.

Besides the, you know,

Southerly or whatever

will blow her back by morning,

and the scare will probably do her good.

Now come on.

[M.I.A.: "Bad Girls"]

[all shouting]

[song slows]

[song continues]

[door opens]

Thanks for saving my old room.

[Saskia] Well, get out!

Get out!

Get out! Get out! Get out!

Thank you.

Shut the door, Zo-Zo.

[Gossip: "Heavy Cross"]

[Sandy snoring]

[song continues]