01x06 - Utopia

[bunniefuu]

Keep digging, girls.

Your time capsule will be there somewhere.

You know, if you'd hit her

just a little bit harder,

you could've finished off the job.

Oi, Sister, quick question.

Do Catholic ghosts respond

to Buddhist exorcisms?

Just for future reference.

How about, "Quick question,

how are you, Sister Barbica?"

You've been so caught up

with your petty dramas,

you didn't even notice that there was

a whole other human being

living here on the campus.

With all due respect, Sister B Barbica,

your quarters are out of bounds

and old habits die hard.

Yes, very convenient.

You see, this is why I've been

avoiding you for so long.

Do you know, when the waters rose,

I prayed?

"Dear God, anyone but this cohort."

I'd have taken 2012

and the butterfly hairclip uprising,

or 1996 and the nose piercing

hospitalizations.

Heck, I survived 2016,

the non-stop blasting

of that very sad Billie Eilish girl.

- But you

- We what?

You were the biggest bunch of b*tches

I ever taught.

- Language.

- And the names you called me.

- Sister Bitchface?

- Mother Inferior?

The Immaculate Infection?

- sh*t a Bricky.

- Bicky Likes to Lickie.

- Oh, oh, oh, Sister Bicky no Dicky.

- f*ck a Bicky, Suck a Tittie.

Nun Who Can't Get None.

Stop!

Just stop this, please.

That's quite enough.

sh*t. We made the friggin' teacher cry.

What happened to this class?

You ten were always troublemakers,

but shaving people's heads,

cutting off toes,

withholding perfectly good toilets

from each other?

Yeah, Genevieve.

What? That's the least worst thing

on that list.

It's pretty f*cking selfish, though.

Stop!

Another week

and I fear that someone might have

been k*lled if I hadn't stepped in.

Sorry to break it to you, Sister,

but it only took us one day.

Sandy's been dead for weeks.

What the

I know Sandy was

a first-class whinger, but

this is despicable, girls, even for you.

Now, come and get your letters

to your future selves.

And reflect on who you've become.

Who wants to read theirs out loud?

I'll do it.

Okay, um

"Dear future Phoebe, congrats.

"You're probably going

to top the state." Correct.

"You skipped the formal to study

"and you blew off school camp

to take extra tutoring.

"On the eve of graduating,

you have no friends.

"I hope it was worth it."

Um, yeah, so I know the last few months

have been, like, really f*cked-up.

But I actually, weirdly

enjoyed getting to know you all, so

Yeah.

"Dear Amelia." Oop.

I was always a bit off-task,

wasn't I, Sister?

"I don't know what your f*cking problem is

or why you won't answer my calls,

"but I want my Billabong skirt back."

And I'm still waiting, bitch.

"Dear Future Genevieve,

"or should I say,

third-ever female Prime Minister?"

What the hell?

I wasn't even backing myself for second.

"By this point, you'll have

a Cert III in beauty therapy

"and will be working

as a nail technician."

Life.

Who knew I'd be trading manicures

for medicine?

Not me.

Aw, this is a love letter to Mitch,

and a sh*t-ton of stussies.

And the balls are the legs and the shaft's

playing violin with its little arms.

I mean, obviously,

it's not anatomically correct,

but it's still an accurate depiction

of my future anyway, so

What you got?

Uh

Mine was just a vag making beer, so

- But the drawing's not as good.

- Yeah.

So, who do we have left?

- Oh, Amelia.

- Oh, uh, no, I don't have a letter.

I'd left school by then.

Of course.

I'd forgotten about your mother.

I'm very sorry, dear.

Well, girls,

a time of reflection

Amelia, what's she talking about?

Amelia?

Uh

My mum d*ed.

That's why I had to leave school early.

What?

- Tuck shop, anyone?

- Mels, you want to come?

If you don't mind waiting

Zo-Zo. Come on, let's go.

Amelia, please come.

- I really need to

- Zo-Zo.

She, um She took her own life.

Jesus, Zoe. It's It's okay. It was

Come on, let's go.

Zo-Zo.

Amelia, please come.

We haven't hung out in ages.

Uh, no. Go without me.

I need to see Danny.

I'm sorry.

Way to make it about you, Zoe.

Typical.

I'm so sorry, dear. I thought they knew.

No, it's

It's okay.

I didn't know.

- If I'd have known

- It's okay. It was a long time ago.

Why do I always f*ck

everything up so badly?

You know, like, if I hadn't

pussied out at the reunion,

then none of you would be stuck here

and Saskia wouldn't be dredging

up years of trauma.

And Genevieve wouldn't be constipated.

And you wouldn't have to tell us that

that your f*cking mum d*ed, and I'm

I mean, they're laughing about

f*cking Billabong skirts, you know?

This whole time

This whole time I had convinced myself

it was you who'd f*cked me over, you know?

What is it? Say it. I deserve it.

I just chased after you to console you

about something that happened to me,

and suddenly I can see you clearly,

the way I would

if I didn't know you, and

Zoe, we don't have to do this.

You know, we're not We're not friends.

Of course, we're friends.

- I mean, I know it's been a bumpy ride.

- Let's just say we did keep in touch.

Let's say we grab dinner every few months.

What do you and I talk about, Zoe?

Um, our lives.

But our lives are so different.

We are so different, Zoe.

It never would have held up after school.

- Regardless of whether I left or not.

- Amelia,

I know I f*cked up, okay?

I should have kept calling you,

but I promise you if I'd have known,

it never would have gone this way.

Yeah, it would've.

Maybe not right away, but it would've.

I'm sorry I had a secret toilet.

No, I'm sorry that I extorted you all.

I'm sorry that I mixed chalk and water

and said it was miso soup.

But you all seemed to kind of like it

I'm sorry that I told you all

I was a doctor

when I'm actually really

a nail technician.

What?

You're not a doctor?

You really fooled me.

Right, guys?

- Uh

- Mmm

It's okay, Renee. We kind of knew.

What?

Yeah, like when you said

formaldehyde was pickle juice,

it was a dead giveaway.

And when you performed

"routine" Pap smears on us

and called the speculum a "spatula"?

And what lab were you

sending the swabs to?

'Cause all of us was just

in a whole bundle.

It didn't make sense.

I, uh, I reckon I cottoned on when you

chopped off my whole entire toe.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I lied.

And, Teresa, I can't apologize enough.

I'm sorry, too.

To all of you.

I'm sorry, are we just

Pep Genevieve.

skating over this now?

I know that I made your life hell,

and I enjoyed it.

There was just this desperation,

this naivety to you

that I really resented.

Okay, is this an apology, or

But really, I was just jealous.

Because you've got this

incredible strength of character.

You really know who you are.

And I'm sorry that I ever

tried to change that.

Oh.

Apology accepted.

There's too much estrogen in here.

I think we need to air this room out

and go and eat.

Come on.

Anything you'd like to

apologize for, Bicky?

Oh, please.

A few detentions and you millennials

are ready to file a class-action lawsuit.

You were disciplined, Saskia,

for uniform infractions

and smoking behind the assembly hall,

and late assignments, to say nothing

of that nasty bullying streak of yours.

What did you say?

You were a bully.

Quite the most prolific I ever saw.

No, no, you said smoking

behind the assembly hall.

Sometimes,

girls like you, Saskia,

detention is for your own good.

I always had my reasons.

Excuse me.

- Done with that?

- Um

What are you doing?

I am making a grand gesture.

Zo, I don't want to be rude, but

thought about just apologizing to Amelia?

Yeah, I'm really going to take friend

advice from the girl who had none.

Oh, hey, Zoe. That's not on.

We're being nice to each other now.

Sorry, mate.

Teresa, this fish is,

it's really delicious.

The dressing is, it's really tangy.

I didn't make a dressing today.

But thanks, Sas.

Sorry, I know we're being, um,

like, positive and stuff,

but I actually feel a bit funny.

Mmm, it's fine.

Oh, God.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I've got the mouth sweats too.

I don't want to

Guys, don't look at each other.

Resist

Resist the vomiting.

Guys, I think it might be the fish.

Your sick fish.

Okay.

Let's try it.

Let's have dinner.

See if it holds up.

Zoe, please stop.

Well, you have to eat, don't you?

So you may as well do it with me.

Now, red or white?

Napkins, not wine. There's no wine.

The only reason that you are

gripping on to this

is because we're stuck here

and it feels bigger than it is.

Okay, then, um,

can you just tell me, if our friendship

was really that meaningless to you,

why did you come to the reunion?

For the hors d'oeuvres, mostly.

Look, Zoe, wouldn't you know best

that just because

two people shared something

doesn't mean it always lasts?

Wow!

All right, then, message f*cking received.

Jesus Christ!

f*cked if I'm gonna stay down here

in the thunderdome.

No, Zoe

No, it's fine.

You don't want to be friends, whatever.

I just, I don't know why

you need to bring my parents into this.

Fine, I'll have dinner with you, fine.

Just don't touch any of the metal.

Whole place is live, you dickhead!

Okay.

Red or white?

Oh.

The sea is riddled with death and disease.

What kind of idiot eats the fish?

Is this the end of time, Sister?

Has the rapture finally come for us?

No, you silly girl, it's just

climate change and food poisoning.

Renee, dear.

Oh.

The girls are cracking temperatures of 39.

What should I do?

I'm not a doctor, Sister.

Oh, yes, pardon me. It's been a big day.

I've lost track of which girls

aren't doctors

and who's been m*rder*d and whatnot.

Of course, no one believed

I was a doctor, Phoebe.

Like, no one ever

expects big things from me.

Good medicine is kindness.

Hmm?

Yeah, so you don't have

that little bit of paper,

but guess what?

What?

You make people feel better.

You're a good friend, Phoebs.

How is there more?

So, how confident are we

that the rubber tires of the ute

will protect us

from the electrical charge?

Well, it's been about 20 minutes, so

I think you can touch

all the metal you want now.

In fact, you can even go.

No, I think I better play it safe.

In fact, I would feel

a lot more comfortable

if you would at least

take a gumboot and a glove.

No?

All righty.

So

How's the farm?

Good harvest this year?

Who do you supply peanuts to?

Supermarkets or the little packets

on airplanes or what?

Peanut butter factories.

Peanut butter is made of peanuts.

Oh, my God. I swear to you, I've never

even thought about it like that before.

That's crazy.

See, if we'd have stayed in touch,

I would have known that.

Zoe, don't pretend this is interesting.

I can't imagine

what you went through. But

I don't really understand

why you didn't tell me, Amelia.

That peanut butter was

made out of peanuts?

That's my bad.

We didn't really tell anyone.

Danny still thinks

that she d*ed of a heart att*ck.

Whoa.

So, do you know what was wrong? Like

Was she diagnosed?

Sorry.

I really want to know

the answer to that question. I just

- I think it might be the fish.

- Don't say "fish."

So, what was I? A BFF for now?

I just wanted more friends.

Do you guys have a spare bucket?

We can't even share this one,

let alone give it to you, F.L.

And some of us are just

one-bucket women, okay?

Do not start.

When you only have one bucket,

it means you truly appreciate it.

What is happening?

Maybe one bucket relies on the other

bucket to get her wasted all the time.

Okay, I've lost the thread

on the bucket metaphor.

Are we the bucket

or is our friendship the bucket?

Megan

You're an alcoholic.

Where the hell did that come from?

I saw you lick wine

off the chapel floor yesterday.

And all we've done for weeks

is try to get f*cked up, and I

I don't want to do it anymore.

Forgettable Laura, looks like you

found yourself a new bucket buddy.

Careful. It leaks.

Zoe, you need to go.

I cannot do this while you are here.

What? You want me to go out there

into the third coming?

What?

The night the Poco came

was the second coming,

so this is the third coming.

- It's basic maths.

- Whatever. I'll go then.

What? Are you serious?

Yes, okay?

I'm like one of those animals

that goes out into the woods to die, okay?

So just let me go.

No, please. Please. It's dangerous.

You're gonna get electrocuted.

Oh, God, you're dramatic.

Oh, my God.

Are you okay?

You okay?

Is this a bad time to say,

"I told you so"?

You just shat yourself, didn't you?

Mate, I shat myself,

like, 20 seconds in.

Come on.

- It's not funny.

- It is funny.

Couldn't do this with a stranger,

could you?

Saskia, dear, come back to the dormitory.

- You knew.

- You're delirious.

Come back to the dormitory.

You'll get much better sleep.

You knew what he was doing.

I have absolutely no idea

what you're talking about.

Stop, please.

You knew what he was doing to me.

Did you know about the others?

The detentions were all I had

to keep him away from you.

I don't expect you to understand.

Well, f*ck your f*cking detentions

because they didn't do sh*t, and you

Saskia, Saskia.

Saskia.

Real friggin' subtle.

Saskia.

Oh.

Our recliner had this

permanent shadow of my mum.

Like, like an actual imprint

from her being in the couch

for months on end.

And that's how it'd be, you know.

She'd sit on that couch, day in, day out.

Till one morning, you just wake up

and she'd harvested half the peanuts

in the middle of the night

on a whim and

And when you grow up like that,

you just wait.

You just wait, and you think

it's inevitable, you know,

it's in me too, and

And then, when it finally did happen,

it was like

Oh!

It's not sadness.

It's just nothingness.

And now I have no idea who I am

without the antidepressants.

But the thought of

of stopping them with

what might be waiting to come untethered?

Hey, you're not your mum, Amelia.

No, I am like her.

I'm also not, right?

Because I'm here.

I'm so sorry that all of that

happened to you.

It's my biggest regret that you had

to go through all of that alone.

Thank you.

I feel better.

Yeah, me too.

Nausea's gone.

I mean about having it

all out in the open now, just

I feel so much better.

I'm done.

No more secrets.

No more secrets.

Oh, f

Please, let me explain.

I knew he was texting girls

and asking them to save him

under another name,

so I'd confiscate the phones.

I knew he was meeting girls

on the boundary of the campus,

which is outside

the school's jurisdiction,

so I'd intercept them and I'd punish them

for being out of bounds.

And I watched all his favorites

like a hawk.

And I found excuses

to put them into detention

to prevent them from meeting him.

To obstruct whatever bond he was building

in whatever way I could.

They were imperfect solutions, Saskia.

I don't expect to be forgiven.

I know that I could have done more.

Oh, you're all f*cking c**ts.

You included.

Amen.

Sick digs, Sister Barbica.

We could've been having scramby eggs

and parsley this entire time.

Yeah, not to mention communion wafers.

I was going to tell you about all this,

but, to be fair,

you got custody of the tuck shop.

Well, that was one way of getting over

my fear of sh1tting at school.

Hey, guys, if you were to write a letter

to your younger selves now,

what would it say?

Don't eat the fish.

No, but, seriously,

like, what do you regret never doing?

I regret that I was such a narc in school.

I never even smoked a cigarette.

I think we can probably remedy that.

Who else?

I know that it's superficial,

but I regret not having a baby shower.

I was really looking forward

to all that free sh*t.

Okay, Teacup is getting a baby shower.

Who's next?

Uh, I regret not getting rid of Garrity

from the school when I had a chance.

f*ck, yes, let's deep clean this entire

place of that m*therf*cker, okay?

Who else?

I regret that I took

my bucket for granted.

I'm not going to fill my bucket

with anything but water from now on.

I don't really understand

what that one means,

but it sounds doable.

- Renee?

- I don't think, I

I don't think I have any regrets.

After reading my letter,

all I ever wanted to be was

a nail technician, and I did it.

Amelia?

I regret that

I never learned all the words

to "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies.

Wait, what?

Wait, you mean the "Chickity China,

the Chinese chicken" song?

Yes. Yes.

What the hell are all those words?

It's been

One week since you looked at me

Cocked your head to the side

and said, "I'm angry"

Five days since you laughed at me

Saying, "Get that together,

come back and see me"

Three days since the living room

I realized it's all my fault

but couldn't tell you

Yesterday, you'd forgiven me

But it'll still be two days

'til I say I'm sorry

Hold me now and watch the hoodwink

As I make you stop, think

You'll think you're looking at Aquaman

I summon fish to the dish

although I like the Chalet Swiss

I like the sushi

'Cause it's never touched

a frying pan

Do we know any other bits?

Chickity China, the Chinese chicken

You have a drumstick

and your brain stops tickin'

Watching X-Files with no lights on

We're dans la maison

I hope the Smoking Man's in this one

Gonna get a set of better clubs

Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs

Just so my irons aren't always

flying off the back-swing

Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon

'Cause that cartoon

has got the boom anime babes

That make me think the wrong thing

How can I help it if I think you're funny

when you're mad?

Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad

I'm the kind of guy

who laughs at a funeral

Can't understand what I mean?

You soon will

I have a tendency to wear my mind

on my sleeve

- I have a history of losing my shirt

- I have a history of taking my shirt

Taking "off" my shirt.

- Losing my shirt.

- No, no.

Losing my shirt is right.

Oh, f*ck this song!

It's been one week since you looked at me

Dropped your arms to the sides

and said, "I'm sorry"

Five days since I laughed at you and said

"You just did just what I thought

you were gonna do"

Three days since the living room

We realized we're both to blame

but what could we do?

Yesterday, you just smiled at me

'Cause it'll still be two days

'til we say we're sorry

It'll still be two days

'til we say we're sorry

It'll still be two days

'til we say, we're sorry

Yow!

Thank f*ck that's over.

Well done, buddy.

Today

we bid farewell

to the men who thrived in the gray area,

who exploited the benefit of the doubt

and depended on the silence of others.

Today, we say to those men

Get f*cked.

Get f*cked.

- Zoe.

- Hmm?

I've run out of antidepressants.

You'll be okay, mate.

I'll make sure of it.

Yeah, feels good to have

everyone's regret sorted, huh?

- Yeah.

- It does.

Yeah, yeah, no,

it feels great, doesn't it?

Feels so good, feels really good

to have it all sorted.

Are you f*cking serious?

- Huh?

- Uh

You've forgotten me.

Again.

- Oh, yes.

- Oh.

Since none of you came to my non-funeral,

I want a real one.

I want to be eulogized

and spoken fondly of

and commemorated

and not f*cking forgotten.

Jesus Christ, you women

All right, girls. What do you say

we have a funeral tomorrow?

- Yes. Yeah.

- Great.

Sorted.

Greyish beige.