01x01 - Armed and Dangerous

[bunniefuu]

(Horn honking)

ª I'm just a sad girl âª

⪠some say a blue girl âª

⪠wanna be a new girl âª

- [man] Hey baby, how much?

- I can't believe this is
what I do for a living.

- Hey, hey,

sweetheart, come here.

Workin'?

- As a matter of fact, I am.

- Here's bucks, all right?

Meet me at the motel down at the corner.

(Laughing)

- bucks?

- Yeah.

Come on, business is slow.

I'm helping you out here, okay?

- I have a feeling things
are about to pick up.

- [Man] All right, I didn't
want to have to do this, but...

- get back in your car.

- Keep your hands where I can see 'em.

- Look, I'm warning you.

- [Together] Drop it.

I'm a cop.

- What?

Detective Walker, st
precinct, I'm under cover here.

- Rafferty.

I'm in your neighborhood
acting on an anonymous tip.

- The g*n store?

- Yeah, the C.I. Told me
those skinheads over there

were going to hit it and I
didn't want any streetwalkers

getting knocked off in the crossfire.

- Mmhmm.

Well, I think you just blew my cover.

- Not necessarily.

- Hey, what about that?

- Ah, it's just a hooker with a trick.

Come on, let's get this done.

Come on, let's go.

- bucks?

- [Rafferty] Call for back up.

- What is this, bucks?

- Love these midnight madness sales.

Everything must go.

(Laughing)

We'll never have to buy
anything ever again!

(Laughing)

- This is unit
requesting immediate backup

at army of angels a*mo.

Please respond.

- Police!

Drop your weapons.

(Laughing)

(sh*ts f*ring)
(Glass shattering)

(Radioing for help)

- This is Rafferty,

I need backup at angels
of a*mo right now.

- Help is on the way.

Computer, activate auto-transform.

(Zapping)

(Empty chamber clicking)

- Hey, come on, come on!

You gotta check these out, huh?!

Come on!

(sh*ts f*ring)

- [Man] Black scorpion!

- What are we going to do?

(sh*ts f*ring)

- Tell me a story, daddy.

- All right, Darcy.

This is an old, old story.

Once upon a time, there was a scorpion

who wanted to cross a river.

The scorpion couldn't
swim, so he asked a frog

for a ride on his back.

- [Darcy] Wasn't the frog scared

the scorpion would sting him?

- [Dad] Yes he was.

- Do you take me for a fool?

- Why would I sting you?

If I did, you'd drowned
and I'd drown with you.

- Well, that seems logical.

- I won't hurt you, I promise.

- [Dad] Halfway across the river,

he did sting him.

- Now we'll both drown.

Why did you sting me?

- Because I'm a scorpion.

- I don't understand that story, daddy.

- Some day you will, Darcy.

Some day you will.

(Screeching tires)

- Fire.

(Exploding)

- [Narrator] In the light of
day, Darcy Walker is a cop,

but in the dark of night, she becomes

black scorpion.

Doing with a mask what
she can't do with a badge.

(Dramatic upbeat orchestral music)

(sh*ts f*ring)

- Magnetic field up.

(Whooshing)

Looks like you guys got
caught with your pants down.

- [Man] Eat my shorts.

- That goes double for me.

(Grunting)

- Hey!
(Pounding)

Looks like you could use a hand.

- Man I hate guys with hair.

(Grunting)

(Thumping)

- [Scorpion] Let me help you up.

- You're under arrest, black scorpion.

- What are the charges?

- Oh, you got a long list
of priors, black scorpion.

Leaving the scene of a crime,

reckless endangerment,
destruction of public property,

possession of concealed weapons,

and speeding.

- I think you forgot one.

- Oh yeah, what's that?

- Assaulting an officer.

(Grunting)

Auto revert.

- [Darcy] Rafferty.

- Walker, where the hell'd you go?

- What happened?

- I just met black scorpion.

- She didn't hurt you, did she?

- No.

No, she made a hell of
an impression on me.

- The masked vigilante
known as the black scorpion

escaped the police again last night.

This just one week after mayor worth

called the entire
department incompetent.

- Oh, I can't believe the
mayor called us incompetent.

Geez.

- Can you open this?

- Yeah.

- Hey.

- Parker.

Meet your new partner.

- You're kidding, right?

- You two know each other?

- This woman owes me bucks.

(Grunting)

- All I'm saying is

the mayor has no right
to call us incompetent.

Damn, they put these suckers
on tight, don't they?

- Give me that.

(Squirting)

- Thanks, cap.

- You know, I mean if
the mayor had any proof

we're incompetent, that'd be different.

Do you know what I'm saying?

- In a related story,
mayor worth is expected

to introduce a task force.

Our own benita Bradley is live
outside the community center.

Benita?

- According to polls,
mayor worth's popularity

plummeted after his
infamous shake down scandal

in which he was charged with,

but not convicted of, embezzling
earthquake relief funds.

The mayor is expected
to meet with the press

at any moment now.

Yes, and here he is now.

- [Man] Can we just get a
comment real quick here?

(Group chattering)

- My fellow citizens, the city of angels

can no longer live up
to its angelic name.

We are not a city of angels,

but a city of muggers,
carjackers, and murderers.

- Don't forget embezzlers
and adulterers.

- And what do the police
do about the crime

that threatens our community?

They sit idly by eating their donuts

and when the police
finally do make an arrest,

who do they go after, but a law
abiding citizen like myself.

That's why I am introducing g.U.A.R.D..

G u a r d, let by my good friend here,

general striker, who will
now answer all the questions

that you may have.

General.

(Dramatic orchestral music)

Uh, general.

(Exploding)

(Laughing)

- I live by the g*n, die by the g*n.

Four!

- [Mayor] General.

- Yes, sir.

- Uh, general striker.

(Beeping)
(Buzzing)

- [Woman] General striker.
- [Man] Striker?

- General, what does
g.U.A.R.D. Stand for?

- Well, that information is classified.

If I told you, I'd have to sh**t you

so the question is, how
badly do you want to know?

- [Man] Hey now, easy, easy.

- Uh, general,

general.

He's joking of course.

The letters stand for the same thing

that the task force does,

guerrillas for urban armed
response and defense.

- Mr. Mayor, how do you
respond to the planned

police protest of this program?

- Well let the police
protest all they want.

If there's one thing I've
learned after years

of politics is, you
can't fight city hall.

- [Man] Maybe you can't, sir,

but I can.

- [Mayor] Who the hell are you?

- You can call me firearm.

(Whirring)

- Uh oh.

- Everybody down!

(Panicked screaming)

(Blasting)

(sh*ts f*ring)

(People yelling)

- Firearm has launched
an all out att*ck.

I repeat, an all out att*ck.

- This is everybody, put on
your vests and get out there!

- Let's go, let's go, let's go!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, where's your vest?

- Those guys probably got it, come on.

- We'll show the mayor's
who's incompetent now, huh?

- Which one of these
holes does my head go in?

- They should put labels
on these damn things.

(sh*ts f*ring)

- Ready, aim, fire!

- You took your best sh*t.

And now, I'm gonna take mine.

(Whirring)

(f*ring)

(Sirens sounding)

(Screeching)

(Screaming)

- Stay here.

- What?

- It's safer in the car.

(f*ring)
(Dramatic orchestral music)

Why are you wearing two vests?

- Cause he's sh**ting at us.

(f*ring)

- It isn't clear whether
this walking arsenal

is a man or machine.

Only one thing is clear,

he cannot be stopped.

This is benita Bradley
reporting from action news.

(f*ring)

- Cover me.

- God.

- All right, hands in the air.

- Would you settle for just one?

(Exploding)

(Distant screaming)

- Darcy!

(Dramatic orchestral music)
(Flames crackling)

The extinguishers!

(Zapping)

(Dramatic orchestral music)

- Now where are you Mr. Mayor?

Come out come out wherever you are.

- How about playing
hide and seek with me?

- Oh, but I prefer to
play search and destroy.

- So do I.

And you're it.

(Punching)

- Mr. Mayor, now's our chance.

- Okay,

move, move, move.

(Thumping)

- You misunderstand, black scorpion.

It's not you that I'm after.

It's mayor worth.

- Well you're going to have
to go through me to get him.

- If that's what you want.

(Crushing)

(Thwacking)

(Whooshing)

(Crashing)

- [Firearm] Gotta go.

- Where do you think you're going?

- After the mayor.

- I hate it when men run out on me.

- So, we've got to stop
meeting like this.

(Laughing)

- [Rafferty] Darcy! Darcy!

(Spraying)

- Hey guys.

I guess it's a good thing
I didn't stay in the car.

Argyle, I gotta hand it to you,

I think the morph adjustment you made

on the scorpion ring is
definitely done the trick.

- Of course it did.

Look, if I can reorganize
the atoms in your car,

why not your clothes?

Although, I have to admit,

I had to put in some major overtime

to get all that software
to fit on your ring finger.

- All right, all right,
what do I owe ya?

- Look, blue, drop it, okay?

I mean, if it wasn't for you busting me,

I'd still be doing hard time
with the rest of my g*ng.

I figure this squares us.

And besides, outfitting
your alter ego with

vehicular weaponry gives me an excuse

to get out of the apartment.

- Why do you want to get
out of the apartment?

- Hey baby.

- There you are.

Hey darc.

Baby, I am trying to figure out

what wallpaper should go in what room.

I figure the avocado
print for the kitchen

and the crushed velvet for the bedroom,

but where do you want to
see the leopard spots?

- On the leopard where they belong.

- Mm, yeah, you're right.

It's too tacky.
(Giggling)

Well, I'm going back to the decorators

and get some more swatches
for you to look at.

We're going to do this
thing right even if

I have to bring home every last
wallpaper sample they have.

- Every last one?

- Well, I just want to
make you happy, baby.

(Kissing)

- Thanks.

(Sighing)

Blue, I'm not cut out
for this domestic life.

- Least you have someone.

(Knocking)

Hi.

- Hey, hey, hi, um,

uh, look, strickland
gave me your address.

I hope you don't mind.

- Oh, no not at all.

Can I get you something?

- Uh no, no, no, no.

I'm good.

I'm good.

Look,

I want to talk to you
about what happened today.

- Me too.

I'm not used to having my partners

order me to wait in the car.

- Yeah, and I'm not
used to having partners

who don't wear their vest.

- My vest?

- Yeah, you know, I mean,

look, I know your old
man was a rogue cop

who didn't go by the book,

but just because he
made dangerous choices

doesn't mean that you have to.

- Wait a minute, you ordered
me to wait in the car

because I wasn't wearing my vest?

(Laughing)
- Yeah.

What else?

- I thought it was
because I was a woman.

(Laughing)

- My older partner was
a little protective.

We uh,

ah, nevermind.

- Well you know, miss Walker,

that's one thing you don't have to

worry about with me because I uh,

I don't mix business with pleasure.

- Well good.

So uh, how'd you end up at the st?

- I requested it.

You know, your precinct has

the highest crime rate in the city

and where there's crime,
there's black scorpion.

- You mean you transferred
here to chase black scorpion?

- No, I transferred here to catch her.

Look um,

just be smart.

Be safe.

- The computer came up with
a list of all the people

who made death threats
against mayor worth

in the last four years.

- And?

- Captain, there must be a...

(laughing)

There must be names here.

- , to be exact.

Of course, of those
threats are from mrs worth.

- So what do we do now?

- We go after Jack aimes.

According to his file, he's an ex-cop

who was sh*t down over angel desert.

He was searching for
a secret militia group

that was stock piling weapons.

- Well do we have an address?

- Yeah, he's got a room at
angel city community center.

He works there trying
to overturn prop ,

you know, the one that
would eliminate the

waiting period before you buy a g*n.

(Helicopter blades turning)

- What?

- [Man] You're in a
restricted flight zone.

Identify yourself.

- This is lieutenant
Jack aimes of the ca pd,

who the hell are you?

- Yeah, well never mind who I am,

all you need to know
is that I outrank you.

- In what army?

- [Man] The army of the
arcadian alliance.

- Triple a huh?

Sounds like you guys
oughta be towing trucks.

- That's what you think.

(sh*ts f*ring)

- Oh, what the hell?

(Laughing)

- Bang, bang, you're dead.

(Laughing)

Bye bye.
(Laughing)

(Exploding)

(Gasping)

(Zapping)

- You want to arm the public,

well I'm armed and dangerous.

(Blasting)

(Laughing)

- And furthermore,

in light of the current flu epidemic,

I will not be doing any
handshaking or baby kissing

during this re-election campaign.

- But arty, you have to kiss babies.

(Laughing)

- Well, you're right.

And I'll start with
this baby right here.

(Laughing)

- But arty,

what if someone comes in?

- Oh, not a chance.

I had general striker put in
a new door for protection.

(Laughing)

- Neato.

- Not even a t*nk could
get through that.

(Exploding)

(Crashing)

I'll be a son of a...

- g*n?

No, I'm afraid that would be me.

Any last requests?

(Stuttering)

- Just one.

Don't k*ll me.

I've got a wife.

- Arty.

- And a secretary.

I'll do anything, just
tell me what you want.

- I wanted you to sh**t down prop ,

but you didn't, so now I'm
going to sh**t you down instead.

(Whirring)

(f*ring)

- Cease fire.

I can explain everything if
you just give me a chance.

I was only giving the
people what they wanted.

- The people.

- The tax payers.

Every district in this city
was demanding that bill.

Oh, why do you think it was voted in

by % of the population?

- Is that true?

- I swear.

You see, I'm just a puppet.

You pull my strings, I dance.

- So then it is the
people that are to blame.

- Yep, that's absolutely right.

If you want to get rid of firearms,

you're gonna have to k*ll 'em all.

(Whirring)

- That was just an exaggeration.

You can't k*ll everybody,

can you?

I'm going to shut up now.

- And I'm going to take
my message to the people.

(Surprised yelling)
(sh*ts f*ring)

You're fired.
(Laughing)

(Exploding)

(Laughing)

(Clanking parts)

- [Radio] Attention all units,

firearm is launching an
att*ck down hevenar boulevard.

Proceed with caution.

He is armed with,

well,

his arm.

- Activate auto-transform.

(Zapping)

(Sirens sounding)

(Screaming)

(Exploding)

Give it up, firearm.

- I think you're jumping the g*n.

(Laughing)

(Grunting)

(Dramatic orchestral music)

(Exploding)

- Women drivers.

- Look, this was not my fault.

- That's what they all say.

Hm.

- Hm, what is hm?

What does that mean?

- If the transformer
chip is still working...

- yeah?

- I can reprogram it and
reorganize the molecules

at the atomic level and get
this baby back in shape.

- I hope so because my insurance

doesn't cover super villains.

In the meantime, you got a loaner?

Something inconspicuous?

- I think I have just the thing.

Viola.

(Laughing)

- So you call this inconspicuous, huh?

- It is inconspicuous.

- Right.

- If you were argyle,
you'd blend right in.

- You know, I think from now on,

you need to take your
fashion advice from Veronica.

(Humming)

(Exploding)
(Screaming)

(Blades whirling)

(Exploding)

(Whistling)

(Dramatic orchestral music)

- Live by the g*n,

die by the g*n.

(Beeping)

Striker.

Yes sir, Mr. Mayor.

Oh, I'm sorry sir, I uh,

I underestimated firearm.

Yes sir, I understand, sir.

Whatever means are necessary.

Yes, sir.

(Laughing)

Wooo, gotcha.

- The general can't be serious about

using missiles against firearm.

- The mayor has authorized him to use

whatever means are necessary.

- But a m*ssile this size,
it'll annihilate the whole city.

- He's right.

- General.

- A m*ssile that size could
annihilate the whole city

which is why I ordered you
to deploy its younger brother

which only kills living organisms

within a five mile radius.

- I'm sorry sir, I
misunderstood your order.

- Oh, well, let's see if
you can understand this one.

About face.

(f*ring)

Congratulations private,
you've just been promoted.

- Thank you, sir.

- Now don't let me down.

I don't want any mistakes.

I can't afford them and neither can you.

Now unload the m*ssile from the truck!

- Don't waste your strength, soldier.

That one's mine.

- Firearm!

Just don't stand there, open fire!

(f*ring)

(Grunting)

- [Radio] Any unit in the vicinity,

g*nf*re reported from the warehouse on

the corner of Seraphim
boulevard and cheravim way.

- Access layer.

(Beeping)

(f*ring)

(Grunting)

- On my order, charge him.

- General.

- Don't worry son, I'll
be right behind you.

Move out.

(f*ring)

(Grunting)

(Screeching tires)

- Surrender or else.

- I'm the last one you
should try to strong arm.

(Exploding)

- Why are you doing this?

- Well I believe that every
citizen deserves the right

to bear arms, even you.

(Exploding)

- But why a m*ssile?

- It should make our citizens happy.

More bang for their buck.

(Exploding)

(Dramatic orchestral music)

- Need a ride?

How come I never get to drive?

All right, whatever.

So what do you think of
your new set of wheels?

- What are you talking about?

I can't afford a car like this.

- Would you chill out, blue?

It's already bought and paid for.

That is, if you've kept
up on your payments.

- I don't understand.

- Look, I figured as long
as I was reprogramming

the transformer chip,
why not upgrade my girl

with a newer model?

- You mean this is the stingray?

- Not only that, check this out.

Yo computer, activate auto-transform.

(Zapping)

It's also the new and
improved scorpion mobile.

- New and improved, huh?

- Yeah, I put in a few extras.

(Siren sounding)

- We're in hot pursuit
of black scorpion.

(Screeching tires)

(sh*ts f*ring)

- [Radio] All units,
scorpion mobile heading west

down cherbum way.

- That's us, call it in.

- This is unit , we're on it.

- Ah, the mayor's not
going to be able to call us

incompetent once we
catch black scorpion.

(Sirens sounding)

- Now might be a good time to
try out some of those extras.

- Yo computer, discharge stingers.

(Clanking)

(Screeching tires)

(Screaming)

- It's back, there she goes.

Hold still!

(f*ring)

- Will you sh**t her?

- I'm sh**ting, watch, here we go.

(f*ring)

(Laughing)

- I think it's time we
put an end to all this.

- [Man] Hit anything?

- I'm about to!

(Screaming)

(Screeching tires)

(Coughing)

- One word, lawsuit.

- Now let me get this straight,

black scorpion escaped by stopping?

- You know the department cars, cap.

- Yeah, you slam on the
brakes at miles an hour

and those airbags just explode.

- Imagine that.

- They could have smothered us.

Those things should be a safety hazard.

- That's right.

You know, you should really think about

getting those things removed, cap.

- Now I know why the mayor
called us incompetent.

We are.

- Uh captain, we ran a check
on general striker for you,

like you asked.

- And?

- And he's a vet, a former chopper pilot

who's been dishonorably discharged

for being a little trigger happy.

- Ever since then, he's been
forming various militias,

all of them unsuccessful except
for his most recent venture.

G.U.A.R.D..

- The mayor's task force.

- Yeah, and there's no
telling how long they've been

stock piling ballistic
weapons in that warehouse,

but I will bet there's enough there to

blow the city up times over.

- Well all firearm needs is one.

And he's got it.

(Zapping)

- Computer, get me argyle.

(Beeping)

- Uh oh, see what we got here.

What's up, blue?

- I need to pick your criminal mind.

- That's ex-criminal
mind, thank you very much.

- When you used to steal cars,

where would you hide 'em?

- That's easy, concealed lots,

repair shops, parking garages,

the last place anybody
would look to find 'em.

- So in other words,
anyplace they'd blend in.

- Exactly.

Hey, wait a minute.

You're not looking for a new
set of wheels already, are you?

- No actually, I'm
looking for a m*ssile.

- Oh, now why didn't you say so?

Look, I can hook you
up with one of those.

Take me about a week to find the parts.

- Thanks, argyle, but I think
I know where I can find one.

(Dramatic orchestral music)

- It's time to bring out the big g*ns.

(Laughing)

- All right, let's see
what this car's made of.

- You're just walking into the web.

(Laughing)

No one can stop me from making

the city of angels hell on earth.

This is going to require some
of my personal attention.

(Laughing)

- Magnetic field up.

(Clanging)

Consider yourself disarmed.

- I don't need an arm
to take my revenge.

I just need a finger
to press the button.

This one.

(Dramatic orchestral music)

Hold it.

I'm calling the sh*ts now.

- And sh*ts are the
reason you're doing this.

You want firearms off
the street, don't you?

Jack?

- Oh, now you see,

this is taking a bit
longer than I expected.

I'm actually relieved
that you know who I am.

- And I know what it's
like to hunger for revenge,

but this won't solve anything.

- Take off your mask.

- What?

- Well, since we're
getting to know each other

by our first names,

I thought it would be nice
if you took your mask off.

Or I'm going to blow it off.

Ah, detective Walker.

I should have known.

Oh, you truly are your
father's daughter.

He never would hesitate to take the law

into his own hands either.

- And that's exactly
what got him k*lled.

He was sh*t by a gunman seeking revenge.

- But he didn't have to
spend the rest of his life

as a useless cr*pple.

I would have given
anything to die in action,

anything.

- I can arrange that.

- Striker.

- Bang, bang, you're dead.

- What?

- [General] I said,

- bang, bang, you're dead.

(Laughing)

- You.

(Zapping)

(Yelling)

(Grunting)

(Laughing)

- Live by the g*n, die by the g*n.

- I couldn't agree with you more.

(f*ring)

- One move and I'll fire.

- I'll take my revenge
on the rest of the city.

- You make one move and I'll sh**t.

- What the hell,

I always wanted to go out with a bang.

(f*ring)

(Exploding)

- And so, if re-elected,

I promise to overturn proposition

and get all the g*ns off the street.

And why?

Because arti worth always give
the people what they want.

- Man, this guy's changing
his tune more than a radio.

- Hey, speaking of changes,

how's the redecorating going?

- Oh man, it's going all right.

Out the door.

- And what about Veronica?

- Oh, she's going too, trust me.

- If you ask me, I think
you're making a big mistake.

- Blue, you know me, I'm
not the domestic type.

I'm still ready to party up in here.

- Come on argyle, you cannot
give me one good reason

for living alone.

- I can't give you one good reason?

- No, you can not.

- You're right, I can't
give you one good reason.

I can give you five.

Nobody to open your mail,

nobody to use your remote control,

nobody to leave hair in the sink,

nobody to use your razor
to shave their hairy legs,

and nobody to just nag at you all day.

- Well that all sounds good,

but there's just one drawback.

- [Argyle] What?

- The no one part.

- I'm outta here.

- Hey, where you going
with my zebra rug?

- Excuse me?

- And my Christmas tinsel,
you know I need this.

And my flower lampshade?

And I can't do without my doll.

- Have you been drinking?

- Look, I want you to
march back up them steps

and put this stuff where it belongs,

back in our apartment.

- Our apartment?

- You heard me, our apartment.

Woo, come here, girl.

(Knocking)

- Who is it?

- [Rafferty] It's Rafferty.

- It's open.

Hey.

- Hi.

- What brings you by?

- Did I leave my jacket
here the other night.

- Yes, you did.

It's on the couch there.

- Ah, great.

- Have you had dinner yet?

- As a matter of fact, I'm on
my way to O'Brien's right now.

- Perfect, why don't
you let me treat you.

I mean after all, I do
owe you that bucks.

- Darc, that's not a
good idea, I told you,

I don't mix business with pleasure.

- Oh would you relax?

I'm just talking about a burger.

- I don't think it's a good idea.

And look, I,

I've never had a woman partner before

and what's more the other night,

you kissed me while you were undercover.

And I just, I'm worried...

- what, that it might happen again?

- No, that you might get the wrong idea.

Walker, I'm a one woman guy.

- Uh huh.

Where is she?

- I wish I knew.

Anyway, uh,

thanks.

(Upbeat instrumental music)