01x10 - An Officer and a Prankster

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Black Scorpion". Aired: January 5 – June 30, 2001.*
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Follows a female police officer, who by night takes to the streets and fights crime as the superhero the Black Scorpion.
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01x10 - An Officer and a Prankster

Post by bunniefuu »

(intense music)

(dramatic music)

(clones bickering)

- It's my turn!

- Smash you!

(clones bickering and yelling)

- I will smash you!

(glass shattering)

- (laughing) Smashing is fun!

(clones laughing)

- We love to smash!

- I will smash this chair!

(loud clattering noise)

- I will smash my head.

(laughing)

- You.

(glass shatters)

Wait, wait, wait!

- What, what, what?

- We are not here to play.

Oh, don't be sad, we must find the urn!

- The urn!

I want it, I want it, I want it!

- Go get it, go get it, go get it!

Go get it, go get it,
go get it, go get it!

(dramatic music)

- Baby, I don't know
where you find the energy

to shake your groove thing all night long.

(woman laughs)

- Well your idea of a fun Saturday night

is rolling around your greasy garage floor

playing auto mechanic.

(woman chuckles)

- Hey, auto mechanic, huh?

(police siren)

How about I take you upstairs

and give you a little tune up?

(woman laughs)

(loud crashing noise)

(intense music)

(clone laughs)

- What the hell?

- We must take this.

- You cannot stop us!

(clones laugh)

- We like to smash and you are tiny!

- And we are big and we will smash you!

(clones laugh)

- Goodbye.

(clones yell)

(loud clattering noise)

- Nobody touches my man!

(clone laughs)

- Goodbye!

Bye bye!

(intense music)

- I'll call the police, baby!

- No, don't!

- Why not?

- Because it's a waste of time.

They just took an old vase.

- Well at least let me call Darcy.

- No!

You know how True Blue is,
she'll ask a million questions.

- Well what's wrong with questions?

You got something to hide?

- You see?

Now you're asking questions.

Look I'm tired, let's
just go to bed, okay?

Are you coming?

- I'll be right there.

(intense music)

(phone rings)

- Hello?

Oh hi Veronica.

(computer beeping)

What's wrong?

What?

Can you describe him?

Right, right, okay.

Yeah, I'll do what I can.

(dramatic music)

(car screeches)

Computer, activate auto transform.

(electronic noise)

Access vehicular tracking system.

Look at all vehicles the size of a van.

White color with two large passengers.

Departure point, Argyle's Auto Repair.

(car screeches)

- No clone drives as good as you.

- Oh, why thank you.

- Except me, let me drive!

Let drive, let me take over!

- I told you not to play with the wheel!

(clones yelling)

(car screeches)

- Can you believe the guy last night?

Trying to sell us the bazooka?

- At least he gave us a cop discount.

- Yeah, he better otherwise we
would gotta trash the place.

(car screeching)

That van was flying!

- That was the scorpion mobile!

- Oh damn, we gotta work!

- Ow, ow!

- Man, I can't find the light!

- Ow, this is unit
niner, we are in pursuit

of the Black Scorpion.

(police siren)

(dramatic music)

(car screeshes)

(expl*si*n)

(electronic noise)

- [Narrator] In the light of
day Darcy Walker is a cop.

(expl*si*n)

But in the dark of night,
she becomes Black Scorpion.

Doing with a mask what
she can't do with a badge.

(dramatic music)

(expl*si*n)

(dramatic music)

(cars screeching)

- [Man Over Radio] Roger,
niner , you are authorized

to use any means necessary to subdue her.

- [Men Together] Bazooka! Yeah!

- Alright, stay steady, stay steady.

- What day is it?

It's a bazooka, get close!

I got it.

- Okay.

(expl*si*n)

(men yelling)

- Brace thermo shields.

(expl*si*n)

(police siren & cars screeching)

- Let me try!

- No!

What are you doing?

- What do you mean what I do? Get-

(men yelling)

(car crashing)

(police sirens)

Oh, oh, you alright?

- No!

(car screeching)

- Reactivate vehicular tracking system!

Locate target vehicle!

Come on!

(dramatic music)

- Yes, yes.

I can still taste the organic compounds.

These ashes are going to make

excellent genetic trace material.

I will finally be able to complete

my greatest cloning experiment.

(Dr. Phoenix laughs)

- Three cheers for Dr. Phoenix!

- Hooray, hooray, hooray!

(men laugh together)

- They had a bazooka.

Now why does the scorpion
mobile have one of those?

- Settle down, you will!

I have been working on this
aero cannon, thank you.

- Aero cannon, what's that?

- It emits a blast of concentrated air.

(puffs air)

Blowing away your enemies.

- Why do you think they
wanted that old vase?

- You got me, I just
use it as an ash tray.

- It won't be long now.

(loud puff of air)

(dramatic music)

- The games up, Prankster.

- I don't think so, Black Scorpion!

(Prankster yells)

(man clucks)

(cuckoo clock chiming)

(suspenseful music)

Get her!

(suspenseful music)

- Give yourself up.

- One more step and I'll sh**t!

- Oh, you're real threatening
with that squirt g*n.

- Oh, this is a squirt
g*n that sh**t acid!

(Prankster cackles)

- Give it up, Prankster.

- Is you crazy?

I always play to sudden death.

- If that's the way you want it, fire!

(expl*si*n)

(Prankster screams)

- It worked, it worked.

You are beautiful.

- I'm naked!

- Let me look at you.

- Hey, back off!

You rubber glove wearing freak,

what do you got a thing
for clowns or something?

- Actually I have a thing for
clones, which is what you are.

- A clone?

What the hell are you talking about?

- I have regenerated you
except that you can no longer

think or act like the
criminal you once were

without receiving an extremely
painful cranial shock.

- Oh yeah?

- Yeah.

(Prankster shouts)

From now on you will be
an honest and upstanding

member of society.

- How am I supposed to make money

as an honest, upstanding
member of society?

- Well you could start by getting a job.

- A job?

Where's a clown supposed to find a job?

- As the rate of violent
crimes continues to rise,

the majority of city residents
consider law enforcement

to be ineffective and corrupt.

To improve their public image,
the police are sponsoring

the cop carnival.

Five days of fun and frolic
with the city of Angel's finest

dressed as, that's right, clowns.

- Hi boys and girls,
you know, even a bad cop

can be nice, so you
ought to take our advice.

Hi, Mr. Specks.

- [Mr. Specks] When you
see a police officer, man.

- [Clown] Just reach
out and shake his hand.

- Not at me, you idiot!

Don't throw the balls at
me, throw at the target!

Hit the target!

You numb skulls!

Oh!

(water splashing)

(carnival music)

- Stupid pigs.

(Prankster yells)

(carnival music)

- Whoa whoa whoa, excuse
me just one second there,

okay Missy, you're a great dancer.

Well howdy there, Ms. Walker!

How you doing today?

- Well, well, well what do we have here?

I see the new sheriff's in town.

- Yes siree, chicky babe, yes siree.

Now how come you ain't all
gussied up in a costume?

- For some reason I don't
think I could do a costume

quite the way you do.

(suspenseful music)

(carnival music)

- Hi clown, do some tricks, clown.

- I'm not a clown.

I wear this makeup do to

a psychologically induced deformity.

Otherwise, I'm just like you,
an honest upstanding member

of society.

- Don't that clown look familiar?

- Steve, it's Gangster Prankster.

- Oh no, no, no.

It's not the Gangster Prankster,

the Gangster Prankster is dead.

- I'd know that twisted smile anywhere.

(suspenseful music)

- Hey!

- You're under arrest!

- None of your tricks, Prankster.

You believe me this time,
I'm gonna be the one

to take your head off.

- Hey, there's no need for v*olence.

I'm always happy to
cooperate with the law.

- Let's go, turn around.

Stay right there, right there quietly!

Quietly!

(handcuffs clicking)

- Hey look-

(camera clicking)

- No, no, face forward.

No, forward!

Do you not understand what
the word forward means?

That's it, right there please.

And wipe the silly grin off your face.

- I'm not sure that is possible.

Perhaps Dr. Phoenix could
readjust my facial muscles.

- Dr. Phoenix?

- Yes, he is my primary care physician.

- You know, maybe we
should pay a little visit

to the good doctor.

- Yeah.

(intense music)

(knocking)

- [Clones] Who's there?

- Police.

Open up.

- Hello police, we are the clones!

- We are the clones, hello police!

(clones laugh)

- Clones?

- We have a warrant to
search the premises.

- Come in you cannot!

- You cannot come in!

(clone laughs)

- Alright, alright, alright, listen up!

This is your last chance!

- You are locked out.

- And we are locked in.

(clones laugh)

- Kick it.

- Oh, smash up, smash up, hooray, hooray!

- Smash up is what we like to play!

(crushing noise)

(clones laugh)

(clones yelling)

(punching noises)

(groaning)

(glass shattering)

(glass shattering)

(glass shattering)

(suspenseful music)

(clones laugh)

We will smash you up and
we will smash you down.

- We will smash you all around.

(door opens)

- Stop this, stop this at once!

- We were just playing smash up.

- Hooray, hooray.

- You know you're not supposed
to play in the laboratory.

Now I want you to apologize to
the nice detectives at once!

- We are sorry we are bad.

- We should not have smashed you.

You are mad?

- Get back to your tubes
like good little clones now.

Both of you, go on.

Officer Gravity.

Officer Walker, a pleasure to see you.

Please excuse my children.

The poor dears, they rarely
leave the laboratory,

so they're not familiar with
our more civilized ways.

- Why don't you stop
bringing them back to life?

- I see, this is about
the Gangster Prankster.

It's true, I cloned him.

But there is no cause for alarm.

- Really, that's interesting because

that's exactly what you
said when you reanimated

the Breathtaker.

- Yeah, well I missed the
technological advances instead.

- Doc, what kind of technological advances

are we talking about?

- I've implanted an impulse control chip

in the Gangster Prankster's brain.

Now whenever he has an evil thought,

it signals this radio interception module.

Well like right now for example.

- I must not have impure thoughts.

I must not have impure thoughts.

- That's odd.

You know, I always had a fantasy about

being with a circus clown.

- I am not a clown!

I am an upstanding member of society.

I'm starting to feel wicked!

- Me too.

- Stop tempting me!

(Prankster yells)

- What exactly is going on?

- Well the subject is
receiving a cranial shock.

It's quite painful.

- You're not a very funny clown.

(intense music)

- Okay, explain this,
how did you clone him?

Don't you need a piece
of skin or something?

I mean the Gangster
Prankster was blown to bits.

- Well most ashes contain adequate amounts

of healthy DNA.

(officer laughs)

- Doc, you just keep on surprising me.

One surprise after another, so here,

surprise me again.

Where'd you get the ashes?

(Dr. Phoenix laughs)

- One, two, three.

(loud puff of air)

- Wow, man that thing packs a punch!

- And so does Tender Lovin'.

She's gonna give me a fat lip if

I don't clean this mess up.

- You know, it's too
bad the scorpion mobile

doesn't have a vacuum cleaner.

- True Blue, you're a genius.

I'll just reprogram the computer
to reverse the air flow!

Why didn't I think of that?

- So I recovered some
stolen property yesterday.

- Now that's what I like to hear,

my tax dollars finally
getting some results.

- I'd like you to sign a
complaint against them.

- You know who they are?

- They work for Dr. Phoenix.

- Why'd they want my vase?

- Oh, come on Argyle, drop the act.

Your vase is an urn and you know exactly

why he wants it.

It used to hold the
Gangster Prankster's ashes.

- Used to?

- That's right, it seems our Dr. Phoenix

has been up to his old tricks again.

- You mean Luther is alive?

- We can prosecute him
if you press charges.

- I don't know, Blue.

I just don't know.

- It's because of him that
the Gangster Prankster

has come back to terrorize us.

- Maybe not, maybe Luther has changed.

- Look, I know you wanna believe that

given how far back the two of you go.

- You have no idea how far back we go.

We're blood.

- You've been out of that g*ng for years.

- That's not the kind of
blood I'm talking about.

We're brothers.

- What?

- He may not be the kind of
brother you go fishing with,

but he is still family.

- Balloons!

Get your balloons!

- Hey, it's the boss!

- Oh Pranky, is that really you?

- Man, we thought you were dead!

That's what I call a prank!

- How did they get your head back on?

- I am a clone!

I gotta tell you, it's
nice seeing my old friends.

I am now an honest
upstanding member of society.

(friends laugh)

Aren't you all supposed to be in jail?

- We had so much fun in
there, they put us in

the Bellows Asylum for
Psychiatric Observation.

(friends laugh)

- And now they let us out once a month

to learn and interact with
society in a healthy manner.

- So we figured since we out,

we might as well pull a little prank.

- I could always use a good laugh!

(friends laugh)

- If you think this
carnival is the b*mb now,

wait til we blow up the real b*mb!

- Do I understand that you are planning to

set off an expl*sive
device right in the mist

of this populated area?

- Yeah!

- Pretty funny, huh Pranky?

(friends laugh)

- Terrorism is no
laughing matter, Giggles.

Now excuse me, while
I go inform the police

of your crime!

- Now that's a real knee slapper, boss!

That's why they call him
the Gangster Prankster!

- Excuse me, excuse me officers!

- Yeah?

- I've gotta tell you something.

- What?

- Well I've gotta tell you that

my old g*ng has planted a b*mb here.

- What?

This better not be one of your pranks.

- I promise you I'm not pranking!

They're right over there!

- Police!

Put 'em up!

Let's go football head, Giggles, come on.

Turn around, hands in the air!

- Where's the b*mb?

- b*mb, what b*mb?

We're simply here to support our local

hardworking police.

- Yeah.

- Alright, shaggy hair
let me see your hands.

Okay, where is it?

- Hey, that's police brutality!

- Somebody get the video camera!

- Come on, let's take them in.

- Let's go, come on,
hands behind your back.

Move it, move it, come on, let's go.

Come on, move it!

(g*ng interjects)

- Giggles!

Hey baby, you left your toy.

- Pranky, put him back where he was.

- I don't understand.

- That little piggy is gonna go boom.

- Uh oh!

- Gravity, Gravity, come on follow me!

(Prankster yelling)

- No, no, no, no!

What'd you do that for?

- Now we're never gonna
be able to find it!

- I thought I'd cushion the blow!

- Go, go, go!

(dramatic music)

(expl*si*n)

- The Gangster Prankster saved the day

by finding both the would be bombers and

the b*mb itself.

Look out, Black Scorpion,
there's a new costume

superhero in town.

And this one obeys the law.

- Oh my god, I never
thought I'd see the day

that somebody crowned the
Gangster Prankster a hero.

- I think the whole thing
is one of his pranks.

- Alright, everybody listen up!

Mayor Worth has come up with another one

of his brilliant ideas.

- Oh Cap, the last time the
mayor had a brilliant idea

you had cops dressing up like clowns.

- Well this time you got a
clown dressed like a cop.

- What are you talking about, Cap?

- The mayor is desperate
to improve our public image

and well with all the publicity that

the Gangster Prankster has been getting,

I want you to meet the
newest member of our squad.

(carnival music)

- Hello fellow officers!

- I don't believe this.

Mayor Worth made the
Gangster Prankster a cop!

- Hey, I brought donuts for everyone!

- Really?

Well what kind?

- I wouldn't be surprised if

they're the exploding kind, Captain.

- Oh.

- Hey, I assure you all
this is not a prank.

I just wanna be a good
cop and a good friend.

- Ow!

(Prankster laughs)

- Hey, guys, guys!

Guys!

- Old habits never die, do they Prankster?

- It was only a prank,
it was a harmless one.

I can no longer do evil.

- Cap, I won't ride with him.

- Well you won't have to at
least for the time being,

Officer Prankster, it
just going to walk a b*at.

- In these shoes?

(intense music)

(g*n clicks)

(g*n f*ring)

(criminal sighs)

(pie splashes)

(criminal scoffs)

(engine roaring)

- Nobody cares about me,

nobody even notices me!

Well now they'll all notice me!

Don't try to hide and run away from me!

I've got enough dynamite here
to blow up the whole block!

- You can't do this,
these are innocent people.

- They don't care about me,
why should I care about them?

I don't care about anything anymore.

It's a clown!

- Hey, you know when I'm
sad, I don't k*ll myself.

I just juggle some balls.

Here, you try.

It's easy.

(criminal laughs)

Yeah!

- Hey, this is fun.

I've got a reason to live.

- Guess you won't be using
that dynamite anymore huh?

- No.

- Hey, Black Scorpion, do me a favor.

Hold on to this while I
apprehend this law breaker.

(expl*si*n)

- In his first day on the
job, the newest member

of the City of Angels finest
captured seven criminals,

putting him in line for
the Medal of Bravery,

the departments highest honor.

City Counsel-

- Hey, Bro!

- [Reporter] Will be
joining us a little later.

- Luther, thank God you're alive.

- Hey, don't thank God.

Thank genetic technology.

- Hey, I've heard about all the good

you've been doing, man.

- Yes, I've got an implant in my brain

that forces me to be good.

- I don't care why, man, I'm
just glad you've reformed.

(Prankster laughs)

- Argyle, dinner is almost ready!

What the-

- You remember Luther, don't you baby?

- I remember he kidnapped me!

- Please accept my apologies.

I'm an upstanding citizen now.

- Well you won't be
standing up much longer,

you clown faced freak!

- Whoa, baby, whoa, whoa, baby, whoa!

He is flesh and blood now!

- By the time I'm done
with him he'll be nothing

but flesh and blood!

- Will you stop, whoa!

- I certainly don't
wanna cause any conflict

between two loving people.

I will now return to the street

and make the city a safer
place for us all to live.

- Luther...

- Keep that side show
monster away from this house.

- But Luther has changed,
baby, he is no monster.

- You wanna talk about change?

If I ever catch you talking to
that clown faced freak again,

I'm gonna change my address.

- I can't just turn my back on him!

- Why not?

- Because he is the only family I got.

- Wrong, Darcy and me are
the only family you got.

- Tender Lovin'...

(intense music)

- The doctor is gone.

- What should we play?

- Oh I don't know, smash up?

- Should we play?

(clone laughs)

- Let's go!

(shushes) We'll be quiet.

(clone laughs)

(suspenseful music)

(door opens)

(Prankster clears his throat)

- Excuse me, may I use your restroom?

- What you got that makeup on for, boy?

What are you, some kind of a hippie?

(man laughs)

- No.

I'm not a hippie, I'm a police officer.

- Really?

Well in that case maybe
you could use something

to help you protect and serve.

And I'll give you my special
police-y man discount.

- I'm sorry, I don't carry a g*n.

My most powerful w*apon is my smile.

Again, may I use your restroom?

- Oh yeah, sir, in the back, sir!

- You've been kind.

- Hey, don't you be
smoking no dope in there.

- Smash up, smash up!

- Ow!

(Prankster cowers)

(loud banging noise)

(Prankster yelling)

- What are you on, boy?

(dramatic music)

(electronic noise)

(clones shouting)

- Ooo, we made fireworks.

(Prankster sighs)

- I'm free, at last!

I'm free at last!

Thank God almighty, I'm free at last!

(Prankster laughs)

Yeah!

(g*n f*ring)

- Late, incoming!

Abandon the creatures.

(motorcycle roars)

- I'm telling you, Cap,
this Prankster promotion

is a bad idea.

- Captain, the Gangster
Prankster just snapped.

- No kidding, he has been
laughing into his walkie-talkie

for the last minutes.

- He just cleaned out
the Army of Angels' a*mo.

- Yeah Cap, the real question is

what's he gonna do with
all the fire power?

Come on, let's go.

- Yeah, I'm back!

(g*ns f*ring)

Let my people go!

(Prankster laughs)

(g*ns f*ring)

- It's the boss!

- That was a pretty funny prank!

(g*ng laughs)

- That was only the beginning!

(Prankster laughs)

(g*ns f*ring)

- [Radio] Attention all units.

Armed robbery in progress
at Celebrity Balloons.

Suspect fits the description
of Gangster Prankster.

(intense music)

- Who would've thought a box of balloons

would be so heavy?

We should've made those
goofy guards do this.

- Should've thought about
that before you crazies

blew them to the ceiling, you idiot!

(car screeches)

- Police, freeze!

- Hands in the air!

(g*ns f*ring)

(electronic noise)

(g*ns f*ring)

(intense music)

- Crime is not a laughing matter.

- It's not?

(loud crashing noise)

- Black Scorpion.

- That's right, thought
I'd lend you a hand.

- How many times do I have to tell you

the cops do not want your help?

- He is right, Black Scorpion!

(Prankster laughs)

Now this detective is
a cut above the rest.

(g*ng laughs)

Or at least he will be.

Stay there, Black Scorpion!

Or Detective Gravity here
just might lose his head.

(g*ng laughs)

- Alright, Prankster, you win.

I'll let you go, but
you have to let him go.

- How about I give you half of him now

and the other half later.

(Prankster laughs)

- Prankster!

- Oh alright!

You've got a deal.

g*ng, into the truck!

(g*ng laughs and cheers)

(door shuts)

(engine revs)

(car screeches)

(police siren)

(car screeches)

(engine roaring)

(phone rings)

- Argyle's Auto Repair.

- Argyle, the Gangster Prankster
is up to something big,

but I can't stop him if I can't catch him.

I need the scorpion mobile.

- [Argyle] Why, so you can
k*ll him a second time?

- Look, I know he is your brother,

but he is also a homicidal maniac.

- He is just going through a stage!

- When can I get the car?

- I don't know, I had to disassemble it.

- Okay, then just reassemble it.

- It's gonna take some time.

- Look Argyle, make a choice.

It's him or me.

(beeping noise)

- I'm sorry, Officer
Clown, but we can only sell

our deadly gases to the
Pentagon for peaceful purposes.

- [Prankster] Well perhaps
this will convince you.

You are getting very sleepy.

- No I'm not.

- Oh yes you are.

(g*ng laughs)

(expl*si*n)

- The Gangster Prankster
blew up Make Way Chemicals

after robbing both it and
Celebrity Balloons last night.

The motive behind his
thefts remains unclear.

Bob Banks will give a sports
update after these messages.

- Balloons and chemical.

(people cheering and band playing)

- [Woman] I can see you!

(people cheering)

(suspenseful music)

- How would you like a
balloon, Officer Oink?

- How about giving yourself up?

- You won't sh**t me.

Because if you do you might
pop one of my balloons.

And they're filled with
a special laughing gas.

And if I take this remote
and press the button

then they'll all start popping

and everybody will start to laugh.

(Prankster and g*ng laughs)

In fact they'll be laughing forever.

- I won't let you get
away with it, Prankster.

- What are you supposed to do, huh?

You're under arrest.

- But you're not a cop anymore.

- No, no more.

Help, police, help@

- Police, help!

- Hey, hey, hey you're under arrest.

- Hey, he should be arrested!

- Who?

- [Darcy] That clown right there!

- Alright, enough of this charade.

I've been waiting to do
this for a long time.

- Yo, computer!

Activate aero cannon.

(suspenseful music)

(people shouting)

(eerie music)

I made my decision.

- Thanks.

- Hey, we're family.

- Got it.

(clicking noises)

- Time to grin and bear it!

(balloons popping)

(Prankster cackling)

- He is releasing the laughing gas.

- Man, I guess I'm too late!

- No, I think you're just in time.

(electronic noises)

(people laughing)

- What are you doing?

- I'm reprograming the computer
to reverse the airflow.

(loud beeping noise)

- True Blue, if I've said it once,

I've said it times, you are a genius.

- That car sucks!

(g*ng laughing)

- Time for the punchline.

(punching noise)

(cuckoo clock strikes)

- You have no idea all the trouble

and the embarrassment that
you two have caused me.

- We are sorry.

- We are very bad clones.

- That's right and this is what happens

when clones are bad.

(electronic beeping)

Oh well, back to the drawing board.

Let's see, what other super
villain can I reanimate

and then reform.

It will have to be somebody
extremely dangerous

in order to prove my theory.

Yes, yes.

He will make the perfect guinea pig.

(suspenseful music)

(dramatic music)

(dramatic music)
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