01x11 - Life's a Gas

[bunniefuu]

(dramatic music)

(glass shatters)

- Enough, that's enough
my air headed sisters.

- But Dr. Haze,

(inhales) breathing these
fumes is such a rush.

- Yeah, I feel kinda lightheaded.

- (laughs) You mean more than usual?

- Gee, it's kinda hard to tell.

- Maybe we should smash more test tubes.

- Stop, stop, stop.

I know smashing up our lab is fun,

but there's no point in it,

unless the security reports it.

(snoring)

- So how are with going to
lure Black Scorpion here?

- I'll make a phone call myself.

- Boy, maybe I should've
spent more time in class

and less time sniffing glue.

(energetic music)

- [Man] All units in the vicinity proceed

to BREATH headquarters
for a robbery in progress.

- Auto transform.

(dramatic music)

- These are quality vapors.

- They make me feel all misty.

(tires screech)

- Put your chemistry sets away girls.

Our guinea pig has arrived,

and helmets on.

We wouldn't want you to cr*ck your heads

and let any more air in.

(dramatic music)

(engines revving)

Time for your smog
inspection Black Scorpion.

(energetic music)

The Scorpion mobile is
worse than I thought.

Deliberate bypass of
the catalytic converter?

Nitrogen tetroxide cocktail?

My god, hydrochloric acid emissions.

(engines revving)

(energetic music)

(expl*si*n booms)

- That's one experiment
that's going down the tubes.

(energetic music)

- Sorry Black Scorpion, your
car doesn't make the grade.

(beeping)

(coughing)

(tires screech)

(dramatic music)

(coughing)

A little engine trouble Black Scorpion?

Either fix your car or put a cork in it.

You're the first target in my w*r

against pollution Black Scorpion.

(coughing)

(energetic music)

(dramatic music)

(tires screeching)

- Fire.

- [Narrator] In the light of
day Darcy Walker is a cop,

but in the dark of night,
she becomes Black Scorpion.

(dramatic music)

Doing with a mask what
she can't do with a badge.

(g*nshots f*ring)

(dramatic music)

- It's time for your
weekend weather report.

I'm Celeste McCloud in for
the vacationing Sunny Day,

and speaking of sunny days,

we're having another one
here in the City of Angels,

but watch out for that nasty ozone.

So stay inside and leave me another space

for my beach towel.

- Ooh, that Celeste makes
my temperature rise.

- And you're making my blood boil.

- Oh baby look, I get my weather from her

but I spend all my time with you.

- Since when?

You spend all your time working.

I need to get down to the beach
and break in my new bikini.

- (sighs) Women.

- Alright, alright so what about the car?

- Huh?

Oh yeah, yeah.

What did you do anyway, back
into a wine tasting convention?

(exhales)

A fine vintage. (laughs)

- The woman who sh*t me full
of cork didn't think so.

So can you fix the
emission problem or not?

- Yeah I can fix the emission problem,

but you're gonna go about as slow

as a five year old on a tricycle.

- I'm not gonna catch many
super villains that way.

- You want clean air and speed?

Dang girl, you're asking
a lot from a brother

you know that don't you?

Look, I'll see what I can do alright?

- Well whatever you do, do it quick.

I can't survive without my car.

(imitating Darcy)

Damn, you're treating like
I'm Kunta Kinte up in here.

I'll see what I can do.

- Babette, these polls are terrible.

My popularity's plunging
lower than your neckline.

- Hmm, maybe I should lower my neckline.

- Well you'll have to lower
it around your ankles.

- Hmm, okay.

- No, no, no.

That won't do me any good now.

What I need is some good publicity.

- And that's where I come in.

- Who the hell are you?

- Dr. Ariel Haze acting
director of BREATH.

- Oh yes, the pollution nut

who wants me to replace
cars with bicycles.

- So you read my proposal?

- Oh yes. (laughs)

And put it right in the round file.

- And he didn't even recycle it.

- Mr. Mayor, are you
aware that air pollution

is at crisis levels in the city of angels?

- Oh well, it doesn't
seem like a crisis to me.

- Oh no?

Well this is a can of
compressed air pollution

and it's just a sample of what the cars

are doing to our city's oxygen.

- Look here, this is the bottom line.

My voters love their gas
guzzlers, and I love their votes.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have work to do.

- No, I won't excuse you

and I won't excuse any
of the city's polluters.

(coughing)

(dramatic music)

(camera shutter clicks)

You two are a disgrace
to your environment.

- Come on, I knew we were a
disgrace to the department.

- Yeah, we've never
done anything to nature.

- Really?

You're using poisonous photochemicals

for a mugshot that you're
never gonna use again.

And you, you're typing that report

on non-recycled bleached paper.

- (laughs) You know what?

She's right.

I think we should just
stop working right now.

- I agree.

- You too aren't buying
her malarkey are ya?

- [Both] Yeah.

- You, I feel sorry for you.

- For me?

- You're polluting your
body with that pastry.

- I am?

- You just decreased your
lifespan by six months.

- Try six years.

- Okay Dr. Haze, you are free to go.

- What?

- The mayor's not pressing charges.

- Why not?

- Apparently he doesn't
want the bad publicity.

- You mean he doesn't want
my message to get out?

- Well I won't stop until it does.

- Look doctor, I admire your dedication

but you're not gonna
be able to help anyone

if you don't operate within the law.

- What my partner is trying to say

is that we're gonna be watching you,

and if you as so much look
cross eyed at a litterbug,

we're gonna lock you up

and lose the paperwork for a day or two.

- Hmm, that almost sounds like a thr*at.

- Whatever.

- Hmm.

- I don't think you needed
to come down so hard on her.

- Oh sure I did Ms. Walker.

That's how our partnership
works, good cop, bad cop.

(dramatic music)

- You wanted to see me sirs?

- Yes doctor, have a seat.

- I prefer to stand.

- Very well.

It's come to the board's attention

that you've had some recent
trouble with the mayor.

- (laughs) I was just trying to get him

to see things our way.

- Our way, doctor?

Our way is not to set off smoke bombs

in the office of city officials,

and not to ship live
termites to Elysium Lumber,

or to fill the president of
Angel Petroleum's pool with oil.

- Well, is there anything wrong

with taking a leadership position?

- Leadership position, doctor?

These are the acts of
environmental t*rrorists.

- Environmental t*rror1st,
I like the way that sounds.

- Doctor, you sound exactly
like the man you replaced.

- (laughs) Thank you,

Breathtaker, I mean Dr. Goddard
is a man of high ideals.

- Thank goodness he's rotting in jail.

- How can you say that?

- Let's just say that his
methods were a bit too extreme,

and so are yours.

- Sometimes the end justifies the means.

- I'm glad to hear you say that.

- You are?

- Yes, because this is your end.

You're fired.

(dramatic music)

I believe our next piece
of business was the merger.

(dramatic music)

(knocking)

- What?

- I'm here to see Dr. Goddard.

- Oh my, well put your Jane
Hancock right there darling.

- A small attempt at
oxygen replenishing I see.

- Huh?

- I'm afraid you'll need more
than one flower to do that.

- I just thought it was pretty.

(dramatic music)

(men shouting)

- Dr. Goddard?

(dramatic music)

- Forgive my heavy breathing.

- Oh, that's okay.

I know it's been a long time
since you've seen a woman.

- It's been a long time
since I've had lungs.

Now stop wasting my breath
with your idle chitchat

and tell me what it is you want.

- Well I need your help, I'm...

- Ariel Haze.

- You remember me?

- Yes, you were that little
girl who always sat at the back

of my atmospheric science class,
your head buried in a book.

An eternal black cloud
hovering over your head.

- Oh, but now I want
to get rid of the cloud

over everyone's head,

that's why I'm lobbying
for antipollution laws.

- Oh.

- Oh, what I really want to say

is that I've always admired
you so much, Dr. Goddard.

- Is that a fact?

- I even replaced you
at BREATH when they--

- Locked me inside this supper ware bowl!

- Now the board of
directors has fired me too.

They accused me of being
an environmental t*rror1st.

- Hmm, you sound like a
woman after my own heart.

Or should I say lungs?

(inhales sharply)

- Which is why I'm here.

I need your advice.

What did you do when no
one would listen to you?

- I tried to asphyxiate the city.

- I mean besides that.

- Oh, I was working on a new
chemical that would allow me

to purify the air and breathe

outside of my oxygenated armor,

and more importantly would allow me

to breathe outside of this cell.

Unfortunately I never got to test it.

- What about me?

- It's dangerous.

- Well, I don't care.

I don't care Dr. Goddard,
I'd do anything for you.

I mean, anything for your cause.

- Well, in that case...

(dramatic music)

- Now why are we breaking
into our old lab?

- Well we can't very well
walk through the front door

and take the Ozonofusium.

- Oh, a new fume.

- Got it.

(dramatic music)

(beeping)

- [Man] Attention all
units, we have a report

of another break in at
BREATH headquarters.

(dramatic music)

- So what is this ozone ofuzzium thing?

- Ozonofusium, and it's a purifying agent

that Dr. Goddard invented
but the board never let him

test it because they thought
it was too dangerous.

- [Mist] Ooh, how does it work?

- It acts like a magnet
and attracts pollution

to its cleaning compound
rendering the smog inert.

- You're about to become inert yourself.

- [Vapor And Mist] Black Scorpion!

- I think you should hand that over to me.

- If it's chemicals you
want Black Scorpion,

I think my lab assistants could
whip you up something toxic.

(dramatic music)

- Wow, this stuff really packs a punch.

(dramatic music)

(grunting)

- Looks like you could
use a little hazing.

(dramatic music)

- Dr. Haze, look out!

- Oh no!

(dramatic music)

(coughing)

- What is it Dr. Haze?

- It's pollution and it's
headed straight for me.

(dramatic music)

(coughing)

- Dr. Haze!

- [Ariel] Airheads.

- Where are you doctor?

- [Ariel] I'm here.

- Well maybe a better question
would be, what are you?

- I'm pollution, human pollution.

(dramatic music)

Dr. Goddard please.

- You gotta sign on the dotted line.

(door squeaks)

(men shouting)

What the?

Hmm, maybe I watered it too much.

- Dr. Goddard?

Dr. Goddard?

- Ariel, I've been waiting
for you with bated breath.

Did you find the Ozonofusium?

- Yes, but pollution found me.

- What do you mean?

- I had a little accident.

I turned into the very thing
you hate, I'm pollution.

- Oh, this is working out
even better than I planned.

- Now I'm hazardous to your health.

- Yes, and everyone else's as well.

- I don't understand.

- Now you can asphyxiate the city.

- I can't do that.

I mean I think I could, but I won't.

- You said you wanted to continue
my work, what better way?

- But there's gotta be a
better way than m*rder.

- (laughs) Think of it as
blowing a cleansing breath,

but instead of eliminating pollution,

you'll eliminate the problem

at its very source, the polluters.

- Alright, alright I'll do it.

But first I want a little kiss.

(blows kiss)

Oh, Dr. Goddard.

- Ariel, you're steaming up my view.

- What's happening to me?

- What's happening in the cell?

Without my helmet I'll die.

- Goddard!

(g*nshots f*ring)

- [Man] Get out of here!

- [Ariel] Is that what you
had in mind Dr. Goddard?

- More or less, actually more.

Do you think you can do that
to the entire population?

- [Ariel] I don't know,

that might be spreading
myself a little thin.

- Well, that's the beauty of being a gas.

Now float along now.

- It's another ozone alert, and
I'm pretty excited about it.

Do you know why?

Because all this pollution

actually makes for a terrific sunset.

That's right, all that toxic
haze you viewers complain about

is what makes those
terrific reds and oranges.

So go out this evening

with that someone special
and enjoy the smog.

(fizzing)

- Oh, my stomach.

- [Babette] Oh, my poor Artie Fartie.

- Babette.

- Your tummy's still upset
from that big meanie Dr. Haze.

Too bad we can't give her gas.

- Whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What did you just say?

- Too bad we can't give her gas?

- Gas, gas yes.

That's it. (laughs)

That's the missing piece
to my popularity puzzle.

Oh, this is another example
Babette, of my genius.

- It is?

- Yes, I'm gonna give everybody else gas.

- Oh, I hope I'm not in the same room.

- I'm taking about giving
the people what they want,

fuel for their gas guzzlers.

Call the president of Angel Petroleum.

He owes me big time for
overlooking his filthy,

dirty, grimy, smoke that
his refinery's put out

into the air all the time.

- Artie, I love when you talk dirty.

- Oh, ugh.

(phone ringing)

- st Precinct, Rafferty.

- Why are you two just sitting around?

- Cap, we don't want to risk

depleting our bioregional resources.

- You wouldn't be trying to get out of

doing a little work around here would you?

- Cap, two guards at
Pearl Gate Penitentiary

just asphyxiated.

- Asphyxiated?

Were there any suspects?

- Yeah, Breathtaker.

(dramatic music)

- Breathtaker couldn't have done it.

His cell is airtight.

There's not enough oxygen in
there for him to blow a bubble,

much less asphyxiate my men.

- Well who was his last visitor?

- Dr. Ariel Haze.

We already questioned the
Breathtaker about that,

he's not talking.

- He'll talk to us Warden.

- No, Steve let me go.

- Alone?

- Yes, I think it's better.

The Breathtaker and I have a history.

- I'm well aware of
your history Ms. Walker.

He's the man who...

- It's fine, you can say it.

k*lled my father.

- Yes, exactly and that's why

I don't think you should
go in there alone.

I don't want you doing
something you're gonna regret.

- Don't worry, I'm a good cop remember?

(dramatic music)

- Detective Walker, so they're
sending in the big g*ns?

Although it looks like
you left yours at home.

- I think the warden was a little worried

I might use it on you.

- He doesn't know you as well as I do.

You couldn't commit coldblooded
m*rder even if you tried.

- Unlike you.

- If you're talking about the guards,

I have an airtight alibi, this cell.

- Well unfortunately this hole
blows your airtight alibi,

as well as your chances for early parole.

- An empty thr*at won't get me to confess

to a m*rder I didn't commit.

- Alright, if you didn't
k*ll the guards then who did?

- The answer my friend
is blowing in the wind.

- It was Dr. Haze wasn't it?

Why are you protecting her?

Don't you understand that
she is just as dangerous

to you as she is to everyone else?

Where is she?

- I haven't the smoggiest idea
what you're talking about.

- You two are working together aren't you?

Alright, tell me what
her next move is gonna be

and I'll see to it that you
get time off for good behavior.

- Sorry detective, I'm about
as good at making deals

as you are at making threats.

- This is not a very good patch job is it?

- You don't have the nerve to k*ll me.

Not as long as you wear that badge.

Go on, go on.

Your father wouldn't have stopped.

- You're heartless.

- Actually I'm lungless.

- Where is Haze?

- It's all around us, or at
least she will be soon enough.

(laughing)

(dramatic music)

- Well?

- No luck.

- You know I told you,

you shoulda let me go inside with you.

We could've done the good
cop, bad cop thing with him.

- I just did.

- How can you play both
parts at the same time?

- You know it's not as hard as you think.

- Yeah but you didn't
get anything out of him.

- Except.

- Except what?

- He said that Haze would
be around us soon enough.

- (laughs) So?

- So she's modeled her
entire career after him.

- Oh yeah, that's a great role model.

He tried to asphyxiate the whole city.

- My point exactly.

She's following in his footsteps

and she's gonna construct
some sort of w*apon,

which means breaking into Angel Tech.

(Steve laughs)

- (sighs) Okay.

- If the people of the City
of Angels like their smog,

they'll love Pollutia.

- So what do we do with all these things?

- We're going to build a
machine that'll make more of me.

(laughs)

I am gonna give the smog hogs of this city

a taste of their own pollution.

- Police!

Don't move, don't even breathe.

- That's an appropriate
choice of words detective.

If you hit any of the barrels in this lab,

breathing won't be an option.

- What?

- If the chemicals come in
contact with the air, you'll die.

- I don't need my g*n to
take care of you three.

- Vapor, Mist show the detective
how you can go to his head.

(dramatic music)

(groans)

(energetic music)

(grunting)

Way to smoke him, girls.

Ta ta, detective.

(dramatic music)

- I think it's time we cleared the air.

- And we can start by eliminating

that needless pair of lungs, yours!

Get her Vapor and Mist.

(energetic music)

(groaning)

(explosions booming)

(energetic music)

- This isn't a fair fight.

- You're right, it's an
air fight. (laughing)

- Come on Pollutia, show yourself.

Fight me.

- For you Black Scorpion, why not?

I hate to leave things up in the air.

- Let's k*ll her.

- Yeah, let's give her the gas Pollutia.

- Hmm, no, no, no, no.

My gas is too good for the Scorpion.

Let's she how she does
without any air at all.

Three minutes Black Scorpion. (laughing)

(dramatic music)

(beeping)

(breathing heavily)

- I'm ready for the beach.

- But it's the middle of the night.

- I'm loading up the car and the van.

(beeping)

(dramatic music)

(engine revs)

(energetic music)

- Oh, man you should warn a
brother next time that happens.

(beeping)

(sighing)

(beeping)

(breathing heavily)

(beeping)

(energetic music)

- Mobile fill up.

(beeping)

- Ta da, the new and
improved Scorpion mobile.

More than your average family car.

(dramatic music)

- So is it fully loaded?

- Oh, it's loaded alright.

(g*nshots f*ring)

- Scorpion!

- So is lover boy's g*n.

- Alright, let's see what she's got.

(g*nshots f*ring)

(energetic music)

(tires screeching)

(siren wailing)

- This is unit in
pursuit of Black Scorpion.

She is heading east on Ascension Avenue.

(energetic music)

(tires screeching)

- Now we're picking up some gas, huh?

- Actually it's hydrogen.

That's how I solved
your emissions problem.

- You know I gotta hand it to you,

you have outdone yourself again.

- Tell me about it.

(siren wailing)

- Come on, you're mine.

(energetic music)

- Computer activate smokescreen.

(beeps)

(siren wailing)

- Hey Argyle, what's up
with the smokescreen?

- I, uh, disabled it.

- What?

Why'd you do that?

- Well you were getting
all ecological on me,

and I figured you didn't
want all that smog.

(engines revving)

(sirens wailing)

- Well at least I still have the old g*n.

- Guess again.

(sirens wailing)

- Oh, come on Argyle.

- Hey, did you know that one pound of oil

could contaminate the groundwater

and create an oil slick a mile wide?

(sirens wailing)

(energetic music)

(tires screeching)

- Alright, how am I supposed to lose Steve

without my arsenal?

- Try the rocket booster.

- Rocket booster?

- Look, don't worry.

This new hydrogen fuel
emits zero pollutants

and it's % more fuel efficient
than standard fossil fuels,

and oh yeah, it's got a kick. (laughs)

- Alright, hold on.

(groans)

(Argyle cheers)

(laughs)

- Go boo!

- Hey Steve, you think
you can catch me now?

The only thing you're
gonna catch is my fumes.

(energetic music)
(tires screeching)

(dramatic music)

- My Gas Master is now complete.

All I need to do now is test it.

- Okay, I'm ready to inhale.

- Me too.

- Aw, thanks for volunteering
my dear airheads,

but I think I have a few enemies

that will make perfect guinea
pigs for my super pollutant.

(dramatic music)

- The boys here at Angel City Petroleum

have been working overtime to bring you

decent, hardworking citizens

something you could really use, free gas.

I take great pleasure in proclaiming

next Saturday Gas Relief Day.

(laughs) Babette.

(crowd murmuring)

(crowd applauding)

(dramatic music)

- Ariel, is that you?

- Hmm, you can call me Pollutia.

- Well, Pollutia that's quite a costume.

- You see every cloud
does have a silver lining.

- Oh and speaking of
clouds, how's my plan going?

- Don't you mean our plan?

- Oh yes, of course.

How's it going?

- I've built the Gas Master
and I've already tested it.

All I have to do now is take over

the Angel Petroleum
smokestack and m*rder (laughs)

or should I say, use my cleansing breath

to wipe out the polluters.

- Aren't you forgetting something?

- Another kiss?

- No, you've got to go on
the TV and thr*aten the city.

- Why would I want to warn them?

- Well, it's standard operating procedure

for all supervillains.

- Alright, then I'll
have my television debut

and I'll leave the public
wanting more, air that is.

(laughing)

- What, what, what?

- We've got to get you out of here.

- Well, I'm just in the
middle of my gas giveaway.

- Yeah and I'm having fun pumping.

- No, no you don't understand.

Pollutia just asphyxiated BREATH's

board of directors for f*ring her.

We think she's coming after you next.

- Well, you've gotta
protect me Strickland.

- You're in good hands, sir.

We will let no gas pass.

- You know Artie has
that problem when he eats

those burritos with green
chili sauce. (exclaims)

- Babette, just...

(shushing)

- Looks like it's gonna rain.

- That's no rain cloud, it's Pollutia.

- No!

- Alright crew, gas
masks on and don't fire

until you see the whites
of her, of her cloud.

(g*nshots f*ring)

(dramatic music)

- Oh, I'm too young and
good looking to die.

(g*nshots f*ring)

(dramatic music)

- The haze is unfazed.

- I wonder where she's going.

(dramatic music)

- It's another bad air quality day,

so you know where I'll be.

(coughing)

- Phew, I'm exhausted or
maybe I'm just exhaust.

Greetings City of Angels, I'm Pollutia

and my forecast calls for a lethal smog

and in your way my toxic smog machine,

the Gas Master is going
to choke every man,

woman and child in the City of Angels.

So you can hold your noses
and you can shut your mouths

because something's in the air.

- Time to play bad cop.

(dramatic music)

- I hope you boys can read
smoke signals. (laughing)

(coughing)

- [Breathtaker] Pollutia is that you?

- So sorry to disappoint you.

- I'm never disappointed

to see an old friend Black Scorpion.

I'd invite you in, but as you can see

I have no windows or doors.

- It must get a little stuffy in there.

- Yes.

Well, unfortunately there's
nothing I can do about it.

- Well maybe I can.

I'm giving you a breath of fresh air.

- Detective Walker made the same thr*at,

but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

- I'm not Detective Walker.

(dramatic music)

- Alright, she's after me.

- What?

- Yes, Pollutia thinks that
if she can asphyxiate the city

she and I will live happily ever after.

- Where is she?

I'm not gonna ask again.

- Well I suppose I can tell you now.

You'll never get there in time anyway.

She's at Angel Petroleum.

- If you're lying,

I'll be back to finish
this window display.

(dramatic music)

- Gas replicator on.

- Gassing it up.

(dramatic music)

- Death to the City of Angels.

(dramatic music)

- Waft smog to target.

- Wafting.

- Time to get your head out of the clouds.

- [Vapor and Mist] Black Scorpion!

- I didn't even see you come in.

- Well that's what happens
when smoke gets in your eyes.

(energetic music)

(groaning)

(dramatic music)

Where's Pollutia?

- She's right under your nose.

(coughing)

- Vapor, Mist, give Black
Scorpion a chemistry lesson.

(energetic music)

- You know the Breathtaker

has no intention of staying with you.

- What are you talking about?

- He's using you to get out of prison.

- I thought he loved me.

- Oh come on, you know men.

He goes whichever way the wind blows.

- Well so do I.

(dramatic music)

- Activate aero vacuum.

Deactivate.

- [Pollutia] I can't breath in here,

and somebody you won't be
able to breath out there

so you'll heed my warning Black Scorpion.

A polluted life isn't worth living.

- Why not?

Haven't you heard that life's a gas?

(dramatic music)

- Hey baby, I got my beach umbrella.

I got my beach ball and I
got my beach bathing suit.

I am ready for some fun in the sun.

- Well there's not gonna be any fun,

'cause there's not any sun.

- It would be another sunny
day in the City of Angels

but we're having a severe smog alert.

- Oh man.

Oh it's alright, baby.

Look, we can go tomorrow.

- Sorry, I've gotta work tomorrow.

- What?

You're gonna put work
ahead of our relationship?

- I learned from the master.

(dramatic music)

- Alright you two, I
want that Pollutia report

on my desk before noon.

- Cap, what about the trees?

- Welcome to the world of recycled paper.

- So much for the environment.

- Or my waistline.

- Come on Walker you gotta tell me,

how did you get Breathtaker to talk?

- I unleashed the bad cop.

- Come on.

- Come on, come on what?

- Look, tell me your trade secret.

- Don't hold your breath.

(dramatic music)