[Man] How many times
has this happened to you?
Okay, Grandma,
now I want you to go on...
and blow out
those candles.
[Man] Your party's ruined,
and you're the laughingstock of the family.
What did I do
to deserve this?
[Man] You forgot to use Krazy Poly-Dente,
from the makers of Krazy Glue.
Just a few drops will keep your dentures
firmly in place for the entire day.
Feel safe to take
a big bite oflife again.
Yes, Krazy Poly-Dente
solid bond...
can even keep an -year-old woman
suspended in midair.
Not even the horsepower
of a Ford Mustang...
can release the grip
on Krazy Poly-Dente.
Ready, Granny?
Mmm! And it's yummy too.
Must be tapioca.
[Man] Don't have an accident.
Use Krazy Poly-Dente.
- How you livin'?
- What?
- How you livin'?
- What?
- How you livin'?
- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ You for me and me for you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪
- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪
- ♪ All right ♪
♪ Here comes another one of those
funky, funny mo'money shows ♪
♪ A cast for laughs
and talented roles ♪
♪ And sisters with twisters
for you been lookin', listener♪
♪ It seems you don't believe
so you can believe what I convince ya ♪
♪ Some booty to your short and thought
We'll make it snappy ♪
♪ With jokes and pokes
at folks to keep you happy ♪
♪ No need to hold
your remote control ♪
♪ Chill
This show's got soul ♪
♪ All aboard, all aboard
The train never troubles ♪
♪ You'd better snuggle up
couple up ♪
- ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪
♪ It's hard to believe
but some of the best things in life are free ♪
♪ So, fellas, grab your girl
Tell her that you love her♪
♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin'
when you're livin'in living color♪
♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪
♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪
♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪
♪ Go, go, go ♪
♪ Go, go, go, go ♪♪
My boy,
valedictorian.
- I am so proud of you, Son.
- Mm-hmm.
Go and take those things off,
and get ready for your party.
Mama made all your
favorite dishes.
The party is just for me this time, right?
No one else.
- Just for you. This is your special night. Just for you.
- [Doorbell Rings]
I'll get it, honey.
♪♪ [Whistles]
Aaah! Oh!
Ah, Cousin Elsee!
Um... Uh,
what the hell...
I mean, uh, uh,
what a pleasant surprise.
You know come hell or high water, I ain't
gonna miss one of these baby's graduations.
- Now where is that boy? I can only stay a minute.
- Oh, w-w-wait.
How'd you know we were having a party?
We didn't tell anybody.
Oh, I woke up this morning
with sh**ting pains in my kneecaps.
I said to myself,
"Somebody's bakin' a ham somewhere."
Now why don't you come on over here
and give your Cousin Elsee a hug.
- Uh...
- Oh, yeah. Oh, that's nice.
You're a good boy.
That's good.
That's good.
That's real good.
Cousin Elsee...
[Groans]
I think you're getting
a little carried away.
Look, why don't you
have a seat on the couch...
and help yourself to
whatever's on the table.
- I'll go get Curtis.
- Okay, why don't you...
get me something to drink
while you're up.
I'm thirstier than a scorpion
after he ran a marathon. [Laughs]
"A scorpion after
he ran a marathon!"
I'm crazy! They need to lock me up
and throw away the key.
Cousin Elsee,
what the hell are... I, uh...
So nice of you
to drop by.
Hey, I can only
stay a minute...
but why don't you come on over here,
and give your Cousin Elsee a hug.
Oh, so sweet
and tender.
- Oh, yeah. Oh!
- Cousin Elsee, please!
Oh. Oh.
Let me look at you.
Oh, girl,
you done got so skinny.
Look like Olive Oyl
O.D.'ing on Slim-Fast.
[Laughs]
"Olive Oyl O.D.'ing on Slim-Fast!"
I'm crazy! They need to put me
in an electric chair and turn on the juice.
Uh, so how have
you been, Elsee?
Long as I take
my blood pressure medication...
and oil my pacemaker,
I'm gonna keep on keepin' on.
You think a little sugar diabetes
and cancer...
are going to stop me?
No, sirree.
Not Cousin Elsee.
Uh, listen, Cousin Elsee...
if you that sick,
why don't you go see a doctor?
Oh, girl, doctors don't know nothin'!
All they want is your money.
I had this doctor tell me that I got
a psychological disorder.
Do I look like I got
a psychological disorder to you?
Get your ass...
Go ahead, man.
Oh, I think I see
the graduation boy.
How are you doing, baby?
Cousin Elsee
got a present for you.
Close your eyes. Now what is it in life
you want more than anything?
- For you to take your hairy,
bulletproof-wearing glasses...
- Curtis!
Now close your eyes
and open your hand.
Open your hand.
- Oh, a nickel.
- Yeah, that's right, honey.
When I was coming along,
a nickel would buy you...
four pounds of collard greens,
three bushels of oatmeal...
and a peep show.
Now, what do you do to nice Cousin Elsee
for giving you a gift?
- Look, Cousin Elsee, don't start that.
- Come on, now.
Yo! Get...
Cousin Elsee!
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Elsee, wait a minute.
Hey, hey, hey. That's enough!
Now, that is my son
you're humping on.
- Oh. I'm sorry.
- Now, look, we really appreciate you coming by...
but now it's time
for us to eat, so...
Oh. So where
can I wash my hands?
[Together]
You're staying for dinner?
Oh, you don't
have to ask me twice.
Well, look, Cousin Elsee,
the pork chops aren't nearly done.
So if you have to go on
and leave, we understand.
Oh, child, after you
did all that hard work...
Cousin Elsee
ain't going nowhere.
And let me tell you
a little story about pork chops.
Now, pork chops can be eaten
in all sorts of stages.
Wasn't until the white man
invented that oven...
they made up that lie
about the raw pork and worms.
I'm telling you they just wanted to sell ovens,
that's what that was all about.
Yeah, well, you know,
better safe than sorry.
"Better safe than sorry."
That sound like a condom ad to me.
[Laughs]
"A condom ad!"
I am a fool on wheels.!
I'm a lunatic. They need to
slice open my head and lobotomize me.
Yeah, well, uh...
Son, what do you think, uh, you're going
to be doing in college next year?
Dad, I was thinking about
joining the wrestling team...
but I'm having problems
with my takedowns.
Ooh, takedowns. Did I hear somebody
say something about takedowns?
Yeah, it's takedowns.
It's a wrestling term.
Yeah, I know what it is. I used to be
the Lennox Avenue Wrestling Champ in ' .
- You big donkey-looking...
- Oh!
- Curtis!
Oh, now Cousin Elsee gonna show you
how to do a little takedown.
Cousin Elsee, what... C-Cousin...
Damn, Cousin Elsee!
Get off me! Hey!
Hey, Daddy, Daddy! Get off me!
Aaah!
Oh, wait...
Wait a damn minute!
Now, come on, Elsee.
Elsee, this is my house.
- Damn!
- I won't take that.
- Get your cousin off of my son!
- My cousin? I thought she was your cousin!
Oh, wait a damn...
Who the hell are you?
- Get outta my damn house!
- [All Yelling]
Hi, I'm Rosie Perez,
the choreographer for the Fly Girls...
and this is my partner,
Arthur Rainer.
Tonight, we're going to do
something different...
and present the sensual choreography
of Mr. Alex Magno.
Thank you, Rosa.
I hope you guys like it.
♪♪ [Soul]
- ♪♪ [Ends]
- [Applause]
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Bronson Pinchot...
whose character, Balki, has made America
and Hollywood a much better place.
Over here, Balki.!
Bronson, Mann's Chinese Theatre
is happy and proud...
to immortalize you
in cement.
Thank you, Johnny.
Thank you very much.
What's up like that?
- Howard Tibbs III.
- Yeah, and my name's Clavell.
And we are
Funky Finger Productions.
Bringin' you a day in the life
of Funky Finger, Hollywood-"sty-rle."
Hey! What the hell
are you guys doin' in here?
- Get out of here!
- You ain't gotta be pushin' me, man.
Don't he look like
a bespeckled Pillsbury Doughboy?
Fake kangaroo-ass.
- There's my limo, man!
- Yeah, let's get on this bad boy.
Man, this is what I call a stretch limo.
Room for , man.
Hey, yo, Jeeves,
is the bar in the back?
Put in your fare
or get off the bus.
Man, I will hang
my stocking...
Hey! Whoa! Hey!
Now, this is where we go
to procure the duckets.
You know, to finance
this evening's butt-naked festivities.
And you know... That's right.
It's about the money.
We are preferred
customers in this joint.
- Look out!
- Check it out!
Say, say, say...
Hey!
Clavy, Clavy. Come on, now!
Come on, Clavy!
It told you suckers,
stay outta here.
[g*nshots]
Hey, hold up, man.
Homeboy is trippin'.
- On the strength.
- He must've woke up
on the wrong side of the crib.
- Ya know!
- Hey, speakin' of cribs...
what about that big Hollywood
schmooze gig we about to go to?
[Laughs] Where all the stars
gonna be hangin' tonight, home-bucket.
Come on.
Let's skedaddle.
Party time!
- Man, this party is dead.
- Ain't nothin' but a bunch of stiffs, man.
Come on, y'all.
Let's bring this party to life.
Hey, what's up, Arsenio...
Now, wait a minute, man.
This is not
anatomically correct.
Can't be. You gonna have to
staple a pumpkin to your ass.
- There's Sammy.
- Hey, don't I look like him sometimes?
Man, only on tax day.
Now, ain't that
a"coinkydink"?
Yo, Elvis, man, do me a favor
and tell these people that you're dead.
- Come on, man.
- Let us move on, man.
I'm lookin' for
Al Green in here.
Kenny, on the for real tip, you mean
they liposucked fat right outta the booty?
Diana, girl, the only real hair
on your head is your eyebrows.
Let's go and skedaddle.
Y'all ain't even played
B.T. Express yet.
Now, finally, here we are at the Funky Finger
Producciones facilités.
Right smack-dab
in the middle of Hollywood.
Now, dig, this is where
we tape all our shows and films.
Now, tonight we're doin'
a Funky Finger movie of the week.
- It's remake of The Miracle Worker.
- But here's the kicker.
It's a musicale.
- Look at yourself, man.
- I'm sorry. All right. Here we go.
Let me put my glasses on.
Cock the skimmer.
You know, I'm still
a pretty... [Garbled]
- Let's do this.
- Here we go.
Take number one of...
What's the name of this?
- I Believe In Miracles.
- All right. The musicale.
One, two,
you know what to do!
- ♪ I believe in miracles ♪
- ♪♪ [Imitating Guitar]
♪ Where you at
You sexy thing ♪
♪ I believe in miracles ♪
♪ Where you at
You sexy thing ♪
♪ I believe in miracles ♪
Hey, hey, Clavy.
It will lock up, man.
All right.
Let's try that again.
♪ Where you at ♪
♪ Where you at ♪
♪ Where's my hat ♪
♪ Where you at ♪♪
Well, lookee here.
Hey, fine brown.
Let me ask you somethin', big legs.
Are you related
to Pam Grier?
'Cause you certainly
have that star qualité...
that we need
in our newest film project...
Basic In-Stank.
- Do you get it?
- So you boys lookin' for a little talent, are ya?
Clavy, tell her we're on the up-and-up.
Show her one of our business cards.
Oh, bet ya, by golly. Wow.
Now, let me see here... I think l...
- You know, I'm fresh out. Howard...
- Bam!
Now look here.
Pay no attention to all that.
That's just my cable bill.
But you can kick in and pay for that.
We are gonna be
partners now.
I don't think you boys understand.
I don't perform for free.
- Clavy, what ya holdin'?
- Well, how about this five spot?
Will that entice you?
- Bam!
- Damn skippy!
Oh, man, that's a new
type of free.
Mm-mmm. L.A.P.D., boys.
You goin' downtown.
What? You ain't
no real roller.
This isn't quite
the ending we planned.
Well, look here, Howard.
Think on the bright side, man.
This would be a perfect locale
for our new film...
- Penitentiary VI, man.
- All right. Let's move along.
Hey, look here. Get Leon Isaac
on the phone. He always pay a fool.
♪♪ [Hip-Hop]
♪♪ [Ends]
- Gee, Wes, I'm so glad you let me be in your movie.
- Yeah.
I'm sorry, sir.
You are going to have to leave.
- This is a closed set.
- Hey, it's-it's all right. Look...
How would you like to be
in all the action? Every scene.
A guy called in sick. I need a stunt double.
How'd you like the job?
Wow! Would I! My big break.
Wes, you're the greatest!
Don't ever kiss me again.
What kind of guy would I be if I didn't
look out for all the little people...
- that stood next me all these years, huh?
- Right.
- Excuse me, Wes,
but we're ready for the fight scene.
- Sure.
All right, people!
Places!
Bucking Broncos with Wes Rawls.
Scene three, take one.
And... action!
That badge
don't scare me.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Well, how about this?
Cut.!
Stunt double.
Wow! I get to
punch the bad guy!
Action.
This town ain't big enough
for the two of us.
Cut.!
Oh, you were beautiful.!
- Thanks...
- Thanks so much, Wes.
Marty. Marty, I'm sorry.
I just didn't feel it that time.
- I felt it.
- My concentration was off. My motivation...
- I have to do another.
- Whatever Wes wants, Wes gets.
Okay? Let's do it again, people.
Back to the top!
And... action!
This town ain't...
Ooh!
Cut!
Check the gate!
- [Groans]
- That was good for me.
Oh, I'm sorry, Wes.
We got a hair in the gate.
- Can we, please, have one more?
- Again?
- Sure.
- You are a peach. A true professional.
Back to the top, people.
One more time.
And... Holding, please.
Let's stay sharp.
There we go.
And... action!
Cut.!
So you think you're tough, huh?
Ever ride a bull?
I bet he ain't ever even seen one afore.
[Indistinct]
Just long enough to know
when I'm talking to one's droppings.
All right, cowboy. Let's see how tough you are
after you ride Red Lightning here.
Cut.!
Stunt double.
Oh, heck, no.
I'm not riding that thing.
Look, I never use it,
but, um, I like to know it's there.
Hey, what kind of
big brother would I be...
to let my baby brother
do something this dangerous.
You're sitting this one out.
I'm handling this.
Hey, thanks, Wes.
Hey, little brother,
how'd you like to do a love scene now?
- Wow! Would I!
- Well, you even get to go first this time.
All right.
Places, people.
And... action.
Why, if you ain't
the prettiest girl...
I've ever... seen before.
What's that?
Lipstick on your collar?
I'll teach you to cheat on me,
you low-down, dirty snake.
No, no! Not...
- I'm sorry!
- You jealous little hellcat, you.
I see that fire's
still burning hot.
Let's see if we can
make it burn hotter.
And... cut.
People, that's a wrap.
Wes, always good seeing you.
The incomparable
Wes Rawls, everybody.
- Thanks again, man.
- Thank you.
Wow, Wes. That was
tougher than I thought.
- Hey, but you did a good job.
- Yeah?
So good I'm thinking about
putting you in my next movie.
- Wow. What's it called?
- It's called Beef Behind Bars.
- Prison film.
- Cool!
Yeah, I play a character
named Fresh Meat.
- You'd do a nude scene wouldn't you?
- Absolutely.
- Good. You like showers?
- Yeah, I could use one right now.
[Laughs]
Lots of husky men?
Come on. I'll tell you
more about it later.
Straight off his new single
and rollin' with special guests...
Pac from Juice
and Flavor Flav from P. E...
please welcome Heavy D. And the Boyz
performing their new single...
"You Can't See
What I Can See."
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
♪♪ [Rapping]
♪♪ [Continues]
♪♪ [Continues]
♪♪ [Continues]
♪♪ [Ends]
03x26 - May 7, 1992
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Sketch comedy series strove to produce comedy with a strong emphasis on modern Black subject matter.
Sketch comedy series strove to produce comedy with a strong emphasis on modern Black subject matter.