03x29 - May 10, 1992

[bunniefuu]

Well, now that the f.d.a. Has
banned silicone breast implants,

I better call the doctor
and have them removed.

[man] wait! Stop
what you're doing.

Why? These are no good for me.

[man chuckles] that's
what you think.

but did you know you could
be throwing away hours of fun?

But I can't keep these.
Silicone isn't safe.

no, not silicone... Sillycone.

yes, like silly putty, sillycone
is the breast you can play with.

take it on the job
to relieve stress.

copy your favorite comic strip.

- [Chattering]
- they're great fun
at birthday parties.

you can even make
them do tricks.

sillycone comes in three sizes:
bouncy, meaty and grandma.

how you livin'? What?

how you livin'? What?

how you livin'? ♪
In living color ♪

♪ you can do what you
wanna do ♪ ♪ in living color ♪

♪ anything you want is up
to you ♪ ♪ in living color ♪

♪ you for me and me for
you ♪ ♪ in living color ♪

♪ you can be anything you
wanna be ♪ ♪ in living color ♪

♪ let's take a trip
and sip on a dream ♪

♪ glide with the guide
on a funky scene ♪

♪ here comes another one of
those funky, funny mo' money shows ♪

♪ a cast for laughs
and talented roles ♪

♪ and sisters with twisters
for you been lookin' listener ♪

♪ it seems you don't believe so
you can believe what I convince ya ♪

♪ some booty to your short
and thought we'll make it snappy ♪

♪ with jokes and pokes at
folks to keep you happy ♪

♪ no need to hold
your remote control ♪

♪ chill this show's got soul ♪

♪ all aboard, all aboard
the train never troubles ♪

♪ you'd better
snuggle up couple up ♪

♪ on the double-dub-double ♪
♪ yeah ♪

♪ it's hard to believe but some
of the best things in life are free ♪

♪ so, fellas, grab your girl
tell her that you love her ♪

♪ 'cause that's the way you're livin'
when you're livin' in living color ♪

♪ go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ go, go, go ♪

♪ go, go, go, go ♪♪

[Screaming]
[shouting, indistinct]

Hey! How you doin'?

Who would've ever thought
that miss benita'd turn out to be...

The delegate representin'
the hopkins projects?

[Giggles] course, I always
been one to better myself.

Mm-hmm. Honey, when
them other heifers were

Out runnin' numbers
and eatin' scooter pies,

Miss benita was out registerin'
voters for the rainbow coalition.

That's right. Honey, I
dropped out of grade

School so I could earn
some money for college.

Oh! Oh, lookie there!

There go paul tsongas!
There go paul tsongas!

Oh, he's a fine man, fine man.

Honey, overcoming that dreadful
disease to run for office... Oh, boy.

And he was in the hospital
with all them operations.

Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.

Surgeons removed
everything but the ugly.

What mr. Tsongas really
needs is a "face-ectomy."

The man's so ugly,
when he was born,

The doctors almost
circumcised the wrong end.

But I ain't one to gossip, so
you ain't heard that from me.

No, you... [Gasps]

Oh, look at this! Bill clinton!

Hey, bill! Hey, bill, I
know you hear me. Bill!

Oh, you know, honey, all
that dirt on bill clinton...

You know, the extramarital
affair, the jesse jackson thing?

None of that mean he
can't be a good president.

Mm-hmm. Honey, you talk about
bill clinton, you ask miss benita,

And miss benita says, "now
there goes a good candidate."

[Chuckles]

Candidate for penicillin.

Honey, that man done seen
more drawers than a panty shield.

That's the first man I know
to discover victoria's secret.

But I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't
heard that from me. No, you haven't.

Course, as much as
I love my democrats,

They gonna have some stiff competition
from the republicans this year...

Mm-hmm. Especially with that
pat buchanan up for office.

You know pat buchanan, the man
who used to have that show crossfire?

Oh, yeah. Honey, I loves
me some crossfire.

I watch that show every night.

[Laughing]

I just wish he'd get that
cross fire off my front lawn.

Honey, that man ain't nothin' but
david duke without the tummy tuck.

You put that cr*cker in
office, and come christmas,

There's gonna be a lot more than
tinsel hanging off the white house tree.

I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't
heard that from me. No, you haven't.

Course, as many
competitors as they have,

It's gonna be hard for
anybody to get into office now...

Because of the fine job that
mr. George herbert walker bush is doin'.

That's right, honey. Him and
barbara bush, the first lady.

First grandlady is more like it.

Now, I knew bush was
tight with uncle sam,

But he didn't have
to up and marry him.

Honey, the only thing in worse
shape than this economy is her booty.

That butt hangs so low
it sweeps up after itself.

And that vice president quayle...
That vice president quayle is so dumb...

He need a tutor
to read bush's lips.

But I ain't one to gossip, so
you ain't heard that from me.

No, you haven't. Mm, mm, mm.

That's right, honey.
Come november,

Ain't no doubt who miss
benita's gonna vote for.

That's right, honey.

Miss benita gonna write in a
vote for miss jenkins, honey.

'Cause miss jenkins is
like a mama to me, honey.

I loves me some
miss jenkins. [Gasps]

Don't nobody better say nothing
bad about miss jenkins, honey.

Nobody... That's right.

Miss jenkins gonna put some
excitement back in the white house.

Just don't let her use the
bathroom in the oval office.

Woman'll stink it up so bad they'll
put that wall back up in germany.

But I ain't one to gossip, so
you ain't heard that from me.

Oh, look! There goes gary hart!

Gary! Gary! Gary!

Hey! I'm crazy tom down here
at crazy tom's appliances.

You in the market for a
stereo, vcr or big-screen tv?

Well, what ya waitin' on? Come on
down here and make yourself a deal...

Before my medication wears off.

[Gasps] uh, yeah. Uh,
yeah. I'm on medication.

Take a look at this here. A
hitachi -inch big-screen tv,

Complete with remote
control and dolby speakers.

Now, what do you think
something like this go for?

$ , ? Nope. A
thousand dollars? Uh-uh.

Try, uh, $ . . Uh,
yeah. Uh, yeah.

How can we do it? I
just told you. I'm crazy!

So come on down and meet some of my crazy
salespeople. Tell 'em what we got, lennie.

We have these beautiful
j.v.c. Amplifiers on sale today...

Meat pie.

So you might want to come down
because I can give you one heck of a...

Rabbit... Deal.

So be sure to ask for
me, lennie. Hope to see ya!

Cock-a-doodie.

Oh, man! Man, we
even take trade-ins.

We'll take anything! hey,
will you take this bottle?

Sure! Grab yourself a vcr.

He made... He made
himself a good deal.

Now let me introduce
you to our lovely cashier.

Go ahead. Tell 'em how many
stereos we've sold this week.

, Definitely. ...

Oh! : , Judge wapner's on. Doug
luellen, doug luellen, doug luellen.

Right. Thank you, rain woman.

Hey, man. You got no
money, pay me later.

We've been serving
the community since ...

Last friday. Uh, yeah.
Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah.

You know, people always come
up to me. They say, "crazy tom?"

I say, "what?" They say, "how can you
sell all that high-quality merchandise...

At such a low, low price
and still make a profit?"

I don't!

I'm crazy!

[man] crazy tom's going
out of my mind sale...

open seven days a
week, midnight to : a.m.

crazy tom's... We're
slashing prices!

♪♪ [hip-hop]

Shawn, and I will be
your tour guide...

For the native
american art exhibit.

The rules are as follows. Pay
attention 'cause I only say things once.

So don't be talking while I'm talking,
or better yet, just don't say nothing.

Now, we will get started as
soon as the rest of us get here.

Oh, i... I'm so sorry.

I was just admiring that
beautiful piece of work back there.

Did you realize that the
cherokee indians never... uh-huh.

Look, I'm sure you came here with a wealth
of information to share with us today,

But, uh, if you don't mind, your trip to
little big horn is not on my schedule.

Uh, can we move right along?

Uh, this was done in by
the artist running feather.

You know, actually, I'm well
acquainted with her work.

She didn't pick up a paintbrush until
she was years old. My goodness.

Oh, I could be wrong,
but last time I checked,

I was working alone.

uh, now if you feel that you can enrich
the lives of this tour group so much,

You could just go back downstairs
and fill out an application.

Okay, can we please move on?

Whoa! What's this?

Are you blind? That's
a bow and arrow.

Uh... Uh, excuse me!

Did you see a sign that said
you could take some pictures?

- Well, I was just taking...
- Just answer the question.

I was just taking pictures for my
wife. Me and my wife, we met at a museum.

- Oh, that's nice.
- Oh, that is beautiful
and romantic.

I'm sure that chuck woolery would
be very touched to hear your story,

But since we don't care
about you or your wife,

Do you care to
join us on the tour?

[Shouting] you don't
come in here with that.

Does this look like your home?

Do you see rats and roaches
and an eviction sign somewhere?

I didn't think so.

Come in here like buffy and
jody out of the projects.

There you go. I'm so sorry.

They're usually very well behaved
children. Just a little mischievous...

- Like their mom!
- Mm-hmm.

Uh, well, that is
so heartwarming..

It makes me want to get pregnant
and go through nine hours of labor...

Just so I can know
what you talkin' about.

but, um, if your little
angels are so well behaved,

Why come they runnin' round here like
they at a special at kmart or something?

Oh, my god. Come on,
children. Let's get out of here.

I don't want you around somebody
with such a funky attitude.

Oh, no, 'cause I will
snatch you and your kids!

Hey! Can... Can we
get on with this?

Excuse me, but for your
information, my name is not "hey."

If you can read, the
name tag says "lashawn."

If you have a problem with
that, see my supervisor.

And if you lookin' for some hay, I
suggest you go check the stable.

Look at this artwork. The
texture is just so lifelike.

Wow. It's amazing how
they make this in such detail.

And just what are you doing?

Oh, I'm just trying to get a
better feel of the texture.

This is an incredible
piece of work. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Well, that's
cool and everything.

I'm sure scientists from all over the
world are just dyin' to come over here...

And do research on your
incredible sense of touch.

But, um, as far as
our policy goes here...

Uh... "Nice to look
at, nice to hold.

If you break it,
consider it sold."

Now, on the next
part of the tour,

You're gonna be seein' some
hopi native american art...

Um, basic pottery, everyday
hunting tools, religious artifacts...

All from sacred burial grounds
approximately years old. Wow!

Great. I can't wait to
see that. Me neither.

Mm-hmm. Well, you gonna have to,
'cause it's time for my lunch break.

Uh, if you care to wait,
I'll be back in minutes,

And if not, have a nice day.

♪♪ [hip-hop]

How is it going, dr. Ito?

Wonderful. Another
few days collecting data...

And we'll have the
cure for cancer.

Something's showing
up on the radar.

Looks like it's right
outside the ship.

Viewing screen!

Hey! Think you could let me in?

Air's startin' to get
a little thin out here.

Danger! Danger!
Dr. Smith, dr. Smith!

Oh, my god!

Open up the space pad.

[Beeps]

Hi! Howdy, folks!
Fire marshal bill here.

Ya know, you antigravity geeks are
due for a little safety investigation.

Well, uh, let me be the first to
welcome you aboard. Thank you, son.

That's a nice mustache you
got there. Had one like it myself.

Then one day I put my cigar
in backwards and... Boom!

My lip went up like a tinderbox.

- But I don't smoke.
- None of us do.

And I'm sure you'll
find that our ship is...

The safest outpost
in the galaxy.

That's what they said when I inspected
the titanic, but I showed 'em different.

Unsinkable, my good eye!

[bubbling] uh-oh.

What's goin' on over
here, princess leia?

It is a refrigeration
experiment.

We're freezing this
produce with liquid nitrogen.

Well, that's fine and
dandy, but remember,

In space, no one
can hear ya scream.

Let me tell ya somethin'!

Let's just say you're gettin'
ready to freeze some veggies,

And you mistake your
hand for a stalk of celery.

[Sizzling] ♪ la,
la-la la-la, la ♪

♪ La, la-la, la-la
mother of god ♪♪

Then you go to hang your
autographed picture of chewbacca,

And the next thing you know...

the iceman cometh! [laughing]

[Smacking lips] gee, that
demonstration left me a little parched.

[Ito] don't drink that!
That jar contains aliens!

So that's how they're
gettin' over the border.

Hey, you! Come on out and
show me your green card!

Oh, my god! One of
them is missing! [Panting]

Hmm. I wonder where it could be.

[Screaming]

Hi! Howdy, folks! [Laughs]

Don't touch him!
He's got my eyes!

- Are you all right?
- Are ya joking?

I've had more parasites livin'
off me than eddie murphy.

[Snickering]

Alert! Alert! There's an
alien roaming free on board!

Speakin' of roaming free,

How come these seats
don't have safety belts?

We don't need 'em. This
ship is perfectly safe.

I beg to differ, buck rogers!

What if one of your fellow
astronauts is a frustrated soprano?

He's in the shower. He breaks
into a high note from figaro.

♪♪ [High note]

[Shouting] hit the panel seal!

- Hit the panel seal!
- [Ito] I got it!

We've lost dr. Jones!

But we've learned
a valuable lesson.

Buckle up for safety!

Well, burn my bridgework.

Is that a self-destruct
sequencer?

When was the last time
you had that baby tested?

Please don't touch that.

You know, a gadget
like that can be handy,

But it can also lead to a
very unpleasant total...

Demise!

Let's just say you're
sleepwalking one night,

And you're dreaming darth
vader just told ya he's your father.

Naturally, you're
completely suicidal,

And you program the computer to
start the final countdown like so.

Oops.

[male electronic voice # ] the station
will self-destruct in seconds.

- nineteen, ...
- you idiot!

Everyone, into
the shuttle! , ...

[male electronic voice # ] please
remain calm. He is a fire marshal.

Thank you, hal.
Ya see, hal knows...

That all I have to do is use
the main computer override key.

[male electronic
voice # ] nine...

Now, if I could only
remember which one it is.

seven, six...

Not that one. five, four...

Wrong again. three...

Oh, yeah. This
is it! two, one...

[expl*si*n]

A lifetime of work...

Gone. All gone.

They can put a man on the moon,

But they can't protect
us from ourselves.

[Exhales]

Feels good to have
the sun on my face!

Course I'd rather
have my face on the sun.

Hey, let me show ya somethin'!

[Together] no!

[expl*si*n]

Please welcome... From
first priority records...

Performing "poor
georgie"... [Together] m.c. Lyte.

♪ I met him in a club
hangin' out one night ♪

♪ He said, hello,
I'm george hi, lyte ♪

♪ How's everything
going, huh how ya doin' ♪

♪ Hope everything's
fine ooh and aah ♪

♪ Can I call you sometime
can I get the digits ♪

♪ And the address
so I can come visit ♪

♪ I gave him the digits
that wasn't a problem ♪

♪ 'Cause if he caused any I
would have to solve them ♪

♪ 'Cause george looked
good mm, damn good ♪

♪ And in my mind I
knew he would ♪

♪ In my mind I hoped
for the best ♪

♪ Convincing myself
that this was not a test ♪

♪ 'Cause I heard many
things about georgie ♪

♪ Nothing kinky like no orgy ♪

♪ I heard he knows
how to make love ♪

♪ Like an angel from
the heaven above ♪

♪ Who was I kiddin'
I'd give him a try ♪

♪ 'Cause lyte needs love
too and that ain't no lie ♪

♪ Keep your ears open
hope that you're listening ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm about to take you
on a georgie porgie mission ♪

♪ can it be I stayed
away too long ♪

♪ can it be I stayed
away too long ♪

♪ I gave him the digits
I saw it in his eyes ♪

♪ She gave me the
number hmm, I'm surprised ♪

♪ Good conversation
over the phone ♪

♪ He begin to comfort
me whenever I was alone ♪

♪ George was sweet
so nice and so neat ♪

♪ With any other guy he
didn't have to compete ♪

♪ George was
mature he made sure ♪

♪ That he was the only
man I'd ever adore ♪

♪ Girls, have you
ever had a friend ♪

♪ That ya get wit'
every now and then ♪

♪ I know for a fact
george had a lot of girls ♪

♪ Spread out from state
to state around the world ♪

♪ As long as he was smart
and kept his girls in check ♪

♪ Made sure I never saw
them and showed me respect ♪

♪ He didn't have to be
loyal like men should be ♪

♪ I don't care about the
other girls just be good to me ♪

♪ But if I ever saw one
that would be the end ♪

♪ He couldn't kick the sorry
lie that she was just a friend ♪

♪ The girls, I didn't
care if I ask, don't lie ♪

♪ See, 'cause georgie was
into makin' young girls cry ♪

♪ kissed the girls
and made them cry ♪

♪ kissed the girls
and made them cry ♪

♪ kissed the girls
and made them cry ♪

♪ kissed the girls
and made them cry ♪

♪ kissed the girls and made them
cry ♪ ♪ can it be I stayed away ♪

♪ too long ♪ ♪ kissed the
girls and made them cry ♪

♪ kissed the girls and made them
cry ♪ ♪ can it be I stayed away ♪

♪ too long ♪ ♪ kissed
the girls and made... ♪

♪ George was clean
no dr*gs and such ♪

♪ But once in a while
he'd drink too much ♪

♪ Hangin' in a club where
they played rockers ♪

♪ Him and his friend
drinkin' vodka ♪

♪ I was lookin' for him
and I found him there ♪

♪ With his clothes messed
up and his messed-up hair ♪

♪ I told him he was messin'
up he wouldn't go far ♪

♪ He got mad and asked his
friend for the keys to the car ♪

♪ I said, don't drive
use your head ♪

♪ Drive while you're drunk
and you k*ll yourself dead ♪

♪ We begin to argue
bad words were said ♪

♪ Then he got kicked out
by some long-haired dread ♪

♪ Ran into the car
as if in a hurry ♪

♪ Started the car but
his vision was blurry ♪

♪ He didn't care he
drove off into the night ♪

♪ riding for miles
without his headlights ♪

♪ Georgie porgie had
too much on his mind ♪

♪ He was still young
yet running out of time ♪

♪ Last week he took tests
and the doctor told him ♪

♪ George had cancer in
his lungs and his colon ♪

♪ See, when he was
he started smokin' ♪

♪ Paid no attention
when he started chokin' ♪

♪ Thoughts flashed through
his head there they stuck ♪

♪ Till georgie porgie
crashed into a truck ♪

♪ I wish I would've told
him I liked him so much ♪

♪ How he made me feel
with the slightest touch ♪

♪ Now he's gone and I
can't tell him nothin' ♪

♪ Wish he was here so
I could say somethin' ♪

♪ Story is not to say
that I'm in sorrow ♪

♪ Just to say no one is
promised tomorrow ♪

♪ If you love someone
you should say it often ♪

♪ You never know when
they'll be laying in a coffin ♪

♪ Wake up, it's important
that you know ♪

♪ That no one on earth
is promised tomorrow ♪

♪ tomorrow, tomorrow
tomorrow, tomorrow ♪

♪ Believe that and don't think
that it can't happen to you ♪♪