04x05 - October 25, 1992

[bunniefuu]

- How you livin'?
- What?

- How you livin'?
- What?

- How you livin'?
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You for me and me for you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪

♪ Here comes another one of those
funky, funny mo'money shows ♪

♪ A cast for laughs
and talented roles ♪

♪ And sisters with twisters
for you been lookin', listener♪

♪ It seems you don't believe
so you can believe what I convince ya ♪

♪ Some booty to your short and thought
We'll make it snappy ♪

♪ With jokes and pokes
at folks to keep you happy ♪

♪ No need to hold
your remote control ♪

♪ Chill
This show's got soul ♪

♪ All aboard, all aboard
The train never troubles ♪

♪ You'd better snuggle up
couple up ♪

- ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ It's hard to believe
but some of the best things in life are free ♪

♪ So, fellas, grab your girl
Tell her that you love her♪

♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin'
when you're livin'in living color♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go ♪♪

[With Woman]
Over, under and through the loop.

Oh, look at Mama's little baby!

Ah, aren't you adorable?

- [Doorbell Rings]
- I'll get it.

Hi, I'm Judy. I responded
to your personal ad.

- You must be Lonnie.
- Yeah, I'm, uh, Lonnie.

He's Lonnie. That's my baby.
He wrote the whole personal ad himself.

- Isn't that just sweet?
- Yeah.

- Oh, now go on and ask the girl
to come in, Lonnie.
- Uh, would you come in, please?

Sure.

Did you ever see such
an adorable little baby?

Oh. Okay, well, I'm gonna leave you two
alone now, all right?

Okay. Say bye-bye to Mommy.
Come on.

[Speaking Baby Gibberish]

[Gibberish Continues]
Sweet, sweet sweetie!

[Laughs]

Uh, why don't we sit down, Judy?

Okay. Yeah, sure.

[Exhales]
So, Lonnie, what do you do?

Well, my mom got me a job
where she works, in her office...

but what I really want to be
is like a... like a fireman...

- Mmm.
- Or a cowboy...

- or like a big giant robot!
- [Laughs]

Oh, you're funny, Lonnie.

Yeah, I like a guy
with a sense of humor.

[Sighs] Oh.

- That's mine.
- It's really nice.

- Do you collect these?
- I said that's mine.

I'm sorry.

Uh... So, can I offer you
something to drink?

Yeah, sure. Okay.

Cheers. Come on. Let's race.

- I b*at you! [Gasping]
- [Laughs]

So... So, what are you up for?
Uh, movies? Uh, dancing?

Oh, dancing! Look, I'm gonna play
my favorite song.

[Man]
♪ One little, two little
three little Indians ♪

[Singing Along]
♪ Four little, five little
six little Indians ♪

♪ Seven little, eight little
nine little Indians ♪

♪ Ten little Indian boys ♪♪

[Whooping]

[Laughing]
Oh, no! Lonnie!

You're... You're fun, you know?

Most guys I date are so serious.

[Sighs, Smacks Lips]

So... So, what do you
want to do now?

- Suck.
- Lonnie!

Don't you think that's moving
a little too fast?

Lonnie, no! Gosh.

[Sniffling]

- [Wails]
- Oh, look, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt
your feelings, Lonnie.

[Sobbing]
You wouldn't...

Would you give me a hug?

Oh, sure.

[Sneezes]

You know...

[Sighs] Lonnie, it's really
kind of refreshing to meet a man...

who's not afraid to cry.

Do you mind if I slip into
something more comfortable?

- Maybe we can go for a walk.
- Okay. It's a great idea.

- Okay. I'll be right back.
- Okay.

- Ready!
- Oh, my God.

- Well, come on. Let's go!
- What is that smell?

Uh-oh.

I think I made a smelly.

- I'm out of here.
- Well... Well, wait a minute.
Come on. Wait for me, girl!

♪♪ [Man Singing]

♪♪ [Woman Vocalizing]

[Whistle Blows]

Help! Help me!
Somebody, help me!

- Shut up, granny!
- Girl, you better up this purse.

♪♪ [Man Singing]

Yo, what the hell is that?

Hold it right there, fellas.

I smell injustice. Phew!

- Oh, no! It's Super Bimbo.
- That's right.

I'm Super Bimbo... model, actress...

and defender of, um, stuff!

I tell you what. You come one more step closer,
and this old lady gets it. I swear.

You better give it up, punk,
before she uses her superpowers.

Me? Oh, right, yeah.

Yeah, my superpowers.

Um... [Giggles]

Um, do you know
anything about, like...

[Gasps] cars and stuff?

I'm having a lot of trouble
with my Miata.

I put the key in the right hole,
but nothing happens.

Oh, well... [Chuckles]
Did you press the gas first, baby?

Oh, God! What's that?
[Giggles]

Is that one of those
foot thingies?

Oh, yeah. [Chuckles]
See, what you gotta do is...

No, no, man. No, man.
Don't listen to her, man.

She's bombarding you with
her helpless slut ray, man.

Where does the gas go?

The gas go all the way
up in there.

Hey, man. I got to stop this.
Man... Hey, man!

Hey! Hey, stand back, mister,
or you'll be sorry.

I know I have it
in here somewhere. Ah!

All right. Let that old lady go,
or I use my super hold. I will!

[Gasps] Lasts all day
and holds beautifully.

- [Giggles]
- Yo, man. Look what she did to me, man!

- You got to stop her. Take her down!
- Hey, man.

- What you want me to do?
- I know what you should do.

- Let her go, or you're next.
- Okay.

A'ight. A'ight, Super Bimbo.

If a train leaves Chicago at : ,
and it's going miles an hour...

- Oh, no. Not math!
- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

- Stop! Somebody stop him!
- Take this!

And if cashews are $ . a pound,
and peanuts are cents a pound...

- and Johnny only has $ . ...
- Oh, God. No!

I'm losing power.

How could you?
I'm a bimbo!

Come on, Super Bimbo. Just think
of the problems in terms of simple fractions.

Shut up!

If I could only get
to my secret weapons.

See anything you like,
big boy?

Don't look, man!
She's hypnotizing you!

You're getting sleepier.

- Uh-huh.
- Hey, man. Snap out of it, man!

Don't look at her implants, man!

Oh, Joey, man! You booby-trapped!

Oh.

I love you, Super Bimbo.

- Come home with me, please.
- Really?

[Snickers] Okay.

- Thanks, Super Bimbo.
- You're welcome.

And, listen, call me.

No matter where you are,
no matter how far, just call my name.

I'll be there in a hurry,
and that you can depend and never worry.

Did I say that right?

Get a job, Super Bimbo.

- Hey.
- Hey. Hey, man. Don't leave me here!

♪♪ [Hip-hop]

[Man]
It's the DefJam Comedy Hour...

with the deffest, the dopest,
the freshest, the nastiest...

the stank-bootiest young black comics
on the scene today.

Uh-uh. But you know
what I can't stand?

I can't stand a man
that don't wash his ass.

[Laughing, Cheering]

[Man] Yeah!
The DefJam Comedy Hour...

where the best part of the show
is in the audience.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait.
You ever wipe a booger on the wall...

and the booger look at you
and say, "What's up, y'all?"

And then she like... [Bleeps]

But, see, you didn't 'cause she... [Bleeps]
You know what I'm sayin'?

[Bleeps]
That's all I'm sayin'.

[Man] So move over,
Showtime at the Apollo...

because the DefJam Comedy Hour
is in your face.

- [Screams]
- [expl*si*n]

[expl*si*n]

That's what I'm sayin'. 'Cause I leave 'em smokin',
you know what I'm sayin'?

I leave 'em smokin'.
I got 'em smokin' in here, "G"!

[Man] DefJam Comedy Hour.
Check it out!

[Man]
Welcome to Juicemania...

the show that takes a look
at the wonderful world ofjuice.

This week... theJuice Weasel.

And now, here's your host,
Gordy Langston!

- Hi, everybody!
- [Cheering]

Are you as excited
as I'm being paid to be?

We've been paid too!

Oh, that's all right,
and it's also incredible!

Hey, let's bring out today's host...

the incredible, most amazing guest
we've ever had...

JuicyJay Corners!

- [Cheering]
- Come on! Wow!

Wow!

Wow! JuicyJay, that was
an incredible feat of strength.

Thank you, Gordy. I took my whole family
on long trips like this.

Wow. Wow, man.
Where's your family now, Jay?

They're all dead.
I outlived 'em all.

That's the beauty
of theJuice Weasel.

Wow. That's incredible,
huh, audience?

- You! Come on up here.
- Me?

Come on up!

- You seem like a healthy young man.
How old are ya?
- I'm .

- Twenty-one, huh?
- Yes. [Grunts]

He's , but I'm still standin'.

I found the secret of eternal life.

I looked into God's eyes,
and you know what I saw?

- TheJuice Weasel.
- Hey, folks! Can you tell me what time it is?

[With Audience]
Time tojuice!

[Chanting]
Juice! Juice! Juice! Juice!

[Chanting Continues]

Gordy, that's how much organic matter
you need every day.

Now, you could eat it
in that form...

but sooner or later, you're gonna
get tired of wiping your butt.

Another problem is fruit.
How do you get at it?

Look! What do I do with it?

You need to be a NASA scientist
to get inside that thing.

Have you ever tried to drink
a raw carrot, Gordy?

[Gagging]

It can't be done.

Wow, I get it. Now, that's
where theJuice Weasel comes in.

Yes!

TheJuice Weasel separates
the fiber from the juice...

saving only the most
essential elements.

That's the beauty of my design, Gordy.

- I want you to try something.
- Sure, Jay.

- A little concoction I made before the show.
- Okay.

[Gags]

Ew! Ew, that tastes like
somebody's dirty undershorts.

- Not just somebody's, Gordy. They're mine.
- [Coughs]

But, see,
the undershorts are gone.

All that's left
is the life-giving juice.

- That's incredible!
- Isn't that great? Isn't that great?

[Audience Applauding]

See, people like to eat the bad stuff
and throw away the good stuff.

Look at this celery, Gordy.
Look at it!

- Where does it come from?
- Uh, the dirt, Jay?

- No, the soil.
- [Gasps]

You see, the soil is
the most important thing on earth.

That is Mother Earth
giving us our gifts.

All life emanates from the soil.
It emanates, Gordy!

See? So, what I do is
knock out the middle man.

You got all the minerals
you need right here.

- That's gonna be beautiful, Gordy.
- Sure is. Right, guys?

Hell with them! You know...

another question people ask me,
Gordy, is...

"Jay, what am I gonna do
about my finances?

Groceries are too expensive."
[Mumbling]

Oh, ya son of a... You know?
I could just go off on 'em.

I'd love to juice them sometime, you know?
Just put their hand in there...

- We can't do that, can we, Jay?
- [Imitates Grinding]

You know? But, uh...

But theJuice Weasel can take
yesterday's leftovers...

and turn them
into today's smoothie.

Sounds pretty good to me. [Chuckles]
But what do you mean, Jay?

Well, here's a little bag of garbage
I took off my neighbor's lawn.

- Most people throw eggshells away.
- [Grinding]

Bad mistake.

- Oh, look at this, Gordy. We got lucky.
- Hey, wait a minute.

We got lucky. See? You know, when I see
people throwing stuff like this away...

it just makes me want to scream.

Oh, come on now. Insects?

Don't ever question me, Gordy.

I know a lot more about nutrition
than you do.

All right. That's just about ready.

- Okay. Now, watch this, Gordy.
- Okay, Jay.

[Man Chanting]
Juice! Juice! Juice! Juice!

[With Audience]
Juice! Juice! Juice! Juice!

[Exhales, Grunts]

Notice anything different, Gordy?

Uh, no. What, uh, Jay?

I'm invisible!

Oh. Oh, oh, right.
Yeah, that's incredible.

L-I thought you were talking
about something else.

[Chuckles]

Who are you talking to, Gordy?
I'm over here!

Wow. That's incredible,
isn't it, audience?

You think that's great...
Oh, look. Look!

- Oh, the vegetables are flyin' by themselves.
- Ooh.

- Oh, great.
- If you think that's great, Gordy,
wait till you see me fly.

Wait a minute.
Uh, Jay... Wait a minute.

- That's not in the script. Jay...
- I can fly. I swear I can.

- Uh, uh, Leon, stop tape.
- I can fly!

- Wait. What? Jay? Jay. Jay!
- I can fly!

Oh, my God! He jumped
out the window! Stop tape!

- Oh, he jumped! Jay, are you all right?
- [Thuds]

It's getting dark.
I'm feeling strangely peaceful.

Oh, my God. Jay,
do we need a priest?

No, Gordy.
Just give me the juice.

[Exhales, Smacks Lips]

Could you pour some of that
on my joints, Gordy?

[Groans]

[Exhales]
I feel much better now, Gordy.

That proves one thing to me.

- There's a time to laugh...
- A time to cry...

- A time to live...
- [Together] And a time to juice!

Tonight we have
from Elektra Entertainment...

one of the dopest emcees,
Grand Puba.

Performing
" , What Goes Around Comes Around."

Yeah. Say yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, hey.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hey.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hey.
Yo, check it out.

Let's resonate for the day as we parlay
live and direct for Living Color.

We got my man Stud Doogie in the house.
Big Jeff's in the house.

Big up for people in D.C.
You know what I'm sayin'?

Live and direct with Living Color.

- Big Jeff, check it out. Check it out. Check it out.
- Stud Doogie, is ya with me?

- Say what, Alamo?
- Is ya with me?

Hey, yo, check this one out.

Livin'Color, is ya with me?

Yeah. We'll set it off finally.

Word up. Check it out
as we parlay right about now.

♪♪ [Rapping]

♪♪ [Rapping Continues]

♪♪ [Rapping Continues]

♪♪ [Ends]