04x11 - December 20, 1992

[bunniefuu]

- How you livin'?
- What?

- How you livin'?
- What?

- How you livin'?
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You for me and me for you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪
- ♪ All right ♪

♪ Here comes another one of those funky,
funny mo'money shows ♪

♪ A cast for laughs
and talented roles ♪

♪ And sisters with twisters
for you been lookin'listener♪

♪ It seems you don't believe
so you can believe what I convince ya ♪

♪ Some booty to your short and thought
We'll make it snappy ♪

♪ With jokes and pokes
at folks to keep you happy ♪

♪ No need to hold
your remote control ♪

♪ Chill
This show's got soul ♪

♪ All aboard, all aboard
The train never troubles ♪

♪ You'd better snuggle up
couple up ♪

- ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ It's hard to believe but some
of the best things in life are free ♪

♪ So, fellas, grab your girl
Tell her that you love her♪

♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin'
when you're livin'in living color♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go, go ♪♪

Ooh, Lord, I am so proud
of my baby...

starring in her first
Hollywood commercial.

Look, Mama,
a real live sound stage.

I finally made it
to the big time.

And Mama,
now that I'm a big star...

we don't have to put Spam
in our Hamburger Helper anymore.

- Uh, Lil' Magic...
- And we can buy all new
pest strips for the bedroom...

- Uh, Lil' Magic...
- and we can get the corns scraped
off all twelve of your toes.

- Oh, hush up!
- Sorry, Mama.

Oh, that's my baby.
Now, come on, Lil' Magic.

You still gotta practice your technique,
like I taught you.

- Okay, Mama.
- Now come on, make love to the camera, baby.

All right,
show me happy.

Uh-huh.
Show me sad.

Thoughtful.

- Give me passion.
- [Groans]

All right, now, girl, limber up
and do some of them...

- ballet "perrier" turns mama taught you.
- Okay, Mama.

Oh, Lord, girl.
You almost got my breast.

- Hi there. How you doin'? You Lil' Magic?
- Hi! I'm Lil' Magic.

- Miss Smile Bright, .
- [Screams]

Okay, that's great. Look, I'm the director,
and these are the little girls...

Oh! Y'all the little background
actors, huh? Ain't that cute?

You know, one day maybe you
gonna be a big star like my Lil' Magic.

'Course, Lil' Magic,
she didn't need to get...

on no casting couch
to get her part.

- Not anymore.
- That's right, 'cause my Lil' Magic...

put the "l"
in entertainment.

She do it all.
She play an instrument.

Baby, go on and play
your hot tamale box, Magic.

- Okay, Mama.
- Oh, you gonna love this. Whoa!

[Squeaking]

She's a contortionist too.
Baby, contort yourself.

- Now kiss your own behind.
- [Groaning]

Well, she ain't
warmed up yet.

- Oh, she a lion tamer.
- [Imitates Whip]

- She bites the heads off of chickens.
- [Screams]

- [Laughing]
- That's... That's different. That's different.

But we need to get started, so if
everybody would get in their places...

Now, Magic, I want you
to stand right here.

- Up front?
- No. No, not up front today.

No, you stand
right here, okay?

And we're gonna put this right there.
There we are.

- Magic, you're set.
- Okay.

Oh, now see? I told you, Magic.
You're right where I told you.

You belong in the front,
at the center of attention.

Here, just let me spruce her up.
[Snorts]

Hold Still.
[Spits]

Get your baby hair again.
Come on, blow, girl.

All right now.

Okay, quiet please.
Now roll sound and roll camera.

Timeflex watches for kids
commercial...

Damn, you're an ugly kid.
Take one.

- And action.
- I got a Timeflex watch with
a cute little bunny on it.

I got
a Timeflex watch...

with an adorable
little pussycat on it, just like me.

But the best part
about Timeflex watches for kids is...

They can take a big old whippin'
without ever chippin'.

- [Together] See?
- [Director] Cut!

That's beautiful.
That's a wrap.

Oh, Magic, you were "fantabulous."
How you feelin', baby?

- Oh, you were wonderful.
Mama's proud of you.
- Payroll, everybody.

- Oh! Oh!
- One.

Ooh, Mama!
My very first paycheck.

- Now we can buy knobs for the TV.
- Uh, Lil' Magic...

And now you can
finally get...

- that implant for your other breast.
- Uh, Lil' Magic...

And-And you can buy some more
Scotch Tape for your Lee Press-On Nails.

- And-And, uh...
- And what, Lil' Magic? Spit it out, sweetie.

Mama, can we buy
some aspirin?

- I think I "broked-ed" my skull.
- Again?

No, baby,
we ain't got time, Lil' Magic.

We got to get to that audition
for the Save the Children commercial.

Now, come on. Stick your stomach out
and make them sad eyes.

- You ain't eat no breakfast, did you?
- Mm-mm.

Now, come on.
Let's go.

♪♪ [Dance]

♪♪ [Ends]

[Male Announcer]
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starring Dionne Warwick.

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And now, international recording star,
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and Philip Michael Thomas's
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Do you have problems
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Do y'all blemishes flare up
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Boy, that's... That's pretty strong.
[Chuckles]

That's right...

and it works
on soiled laundry too.

Then, the next step is Edwin's
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- [Crackling]
- Ow. Ow.

And thanks to our
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Thanks, Edwin. Peace!

Before I started using
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I couldn't get no play
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[Men Together]
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[Announcer] Warning:
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If you insist on using it,
know when the hell to quit.

Hey, how do I look?

Hey, I said,
how do I look?

- ♪♪ [Dance]
- ♪♪ [Man Singing]

♪♪ [Man Rapping]

♪♪ [Man Singing]

♪♪ [Ends]

[Laughing]

Ahh!

[Slavic Accent]
At last, I have found my prey.

Gary Coleman,
you better stop.

Stop, Gary.

Ooh, it's cold in here.
I'm feelin' goose nippily.

[Sniffing]

By the depths of Hades,
what is that smell?

Dog, I gotta quit eating
them pigs' feet.

My gas is kicking up.

I will take you away
from all of this, my love.

- [Growls]
- Oh, my God.

It's a man in my "boo-door."

And I feel vulnerable,
and I'm almost naked up in here.

Fear not, my love.

I have crossed oceans of time
to be with you.

You so crazy.
You could have just called.

I want you to be mine
for all eternity.

Listen, you don't know
what you're getting into...

'cause I'm telling you,
I'm just like a virus...

once I get in your system,
it's hard to get me out.

Wait, wait, wait.
Uh-uh.

I don't want you
to see me like this.

I just woke up.
Let me put my face on.

Time is of the essence.

You do not have to put on
appearances for me.

I want to take you as you are.

Look, you can have me now and have
a hamburger, but if you wait...

you can have
a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.

I want to show you things
that you've never seen.

Hey, word up, and I'm gonna show you
things that scientists ain't even seen.

You must hurry.

Daylight will be
upon us soon...

and I am a creature
of the night.

Hey, hold on a minute...

'cause I'm a freak
hours a day.

Give yourself to me
by the cr*ck of dawn...

and we shall rule
the underworld.

I must drink
of your essence.

Hey, word up.

Then grab a straw,
'cause you're gonna drink it up.

Clap on.

- [Screams, Hisses]
- What's wrong with you?

By the beard of Satan,
it's Beelzebub himself.

- Clap off.
- Wait a minute.

You said you had crossed the seas
and all that kind of stuff.

- Clap on.
- I didn't know I was going to find land ho.

- Clap off.
- Wait a minute.

Who you calling a ho?
Clap on.

I don't need no Eddie Munster-looking,
with-the-widow-peak...

fake-wearing,
funky-breath-breathing...

coming-in-through-my-window-
when-you-wasn't-even-invited...

with-them-wearing-them-
tired-old-clothes...

Iooking-like-Pee-wee Herman-
like-he-was-on-cr*ck white boy...

telling me that
I don't look good.

Okay?

You are right.

I'm not good enough
for you.

Hey, where you going?

Don't be ashamed
just 'cause you're a white boy.

I mean, I don't mind
having a little cream in my coffee.

And I mean, no.

And if you act right,
I'll do you like the bean...

You know what I'll do?
Grind it up, hey.

- Ugh! Ugh!
- Grind it! Grind!

And I thought the crucifix
was repulsive. Ugh!

Look, you don't understand.
I am a vampire.

I have to have blood.

Oh, okay, then.

What kind of blood do you need?
I got "A" negative or "O" positive.

- I got you.
- But you also have mirrors. I hate mirrors.

You ain't got
to worry about that. Look.

Mirror, mirror,
on the wall...

There you go.

Oh, my gosh.
Look at the time.

I have to go sleep
in my coffin.

You don't have to go nowhere.
I told you, I got you.

Now let me rock
your underworld.

What you do...
Uh-uh.

No, uh-uh.

All right, don't you know
you a freak?

Filet my soul,
filet my soul.

I give up.

You win, but I have to do it
with the window open.

I love it in the sunlight.

Okay then.
Let the world see.

[Laughing]

Free at last.
Free at last.

Dog. I guess I was
just too much for him.

He got hot and just b*rned up.

Charleesa?

Girl, yeah, I done
b*rned another one up, girl.

I told you, I be rocking worlds
all over the country.

For real now.

All right.
Thanks for watching.

Good night, Grandma.
See you next week.

I love you,
Granny.

[No Audible Dialogue]

[No Audible Dialogue]

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