05x17 - February 10, 1994

[bunniefuu]

[Man]
Mark Jackson prepares to sh**t.

He eyes the hoop.
The ball is up.

And it's good.! He does it.!
That's consecutive free throws.

Forty-nine in a row.
Mark's going for straight.

- Mark, uh, how do you feel?
- Get your checkbook ready.

I'm one sh*t away from payday.

The scene: Clippers's practice. The challenge:
Can MarkJackson sink consecutive free throws?

- The wager: $ , . Mark, how are you feeling?
- Loose.

Any truth to the rumor that MichaelJordan
has a piece of the action today?

- No.
- MichaelJackson?

- No.
- Pete Rose?

- No.
- M-MagicJohnson?

- No.
- Keith Jackson?

- No.
- All right.

This one is for all the cash.
Here we go, Mark. Take it away.

He looks at the bucket and...
Oh, my goodness!

Out of nowhere, Tonya Harding,
cranked up on doughnuts and cheap liquor...

has clubbed MarkJackson!
[Yells]

[Yells]
Why? Why? Ow!

- [Laughing]
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon ♪

♪ You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon ♪

- ♪ Take it from me, it's a'ight to be ♪
- Hi-yah!

♪ In living color♪

♪ And how would ya...
How would ya... How would ya f... ♪

♪ How would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsolete ♪

♪ And all mankind danced
to the exact b*at ♪

[Echoing] ♪ And at night it was safe
to walk down the street ♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- [Turntable Scratching]
- ♪ In living color♪♪

[Laughing]

That's all the way to the airport.
Come on. Time's a-wastin, Josh.

Let's move it. Come on.
That stuff... All right. No, no...

Wait. No. That stuff stays here
till Mr. Ewing's done with the interview.

- Geez, get it together, will ya?
- Man, it smells like... [Indistinct]

Hey, brother, what's up?
Excuse me, home plate. [Laughs]

Now, did I hear you
mention Patrick Ewing?

- Yes, the NBA is bam-tastic.
- Who-Who-Who the heck are you guys?

That's so nice of you
to ask, Home Depot.

- I'm Clavell.
- And I'm Howard Tibbs III.

- [Together] And we are Funky Finger Footwear.
- You dig it?

Let me give you one of my cards.
You know, I'm fresh out. Howard.

- Bam!
- [Yells]

Uh, this says call Mistress
Raven at -BUTT.

Oh, that's my girlfriend
Sheila's business line.

Man, ask her to bang
on the fire extinguisher four times.

- The first seconds are free, my man.
- Oh.

You don't have to tell me.
Listen, uh, uh...

I don't wanna break the bad news,
but if you want Mr. Ewing's autograph...

you gotta wait courtside
like all the other fans.

Fans? Au contraire,
Fred Astaire.

Now, we are "bidness" men...

and we're here to offer Mr. Ewing
a lucrative contract...

to endorse our new line
of basketball shoes.

- Howard.
- Bam!

Oh, look out now.
Ho, ho, ho.

Watch yourself.

I think big man
done broke my foot, man.

Oh, that's all right now.
[Laughing]

Now, are you Mr. Ewing's
"representacion"?

Uh, no. I'm just
the equipment manager, Big Dave.

Uh, but, uh,
I'll tell you guys.

- Mr. Ewing has his own shoe company.
- [Laughs]

No biggie, h*m* sapien.
See, 'cause he gonna change his tune...

when he sees our dazzling
Funky Flier TV commercial...

in rough cut form,
you understand.

- Howard!
- ♪♪ [Scatting]

Bam!

- I got a bad heart.
- All right now.

You might wanna cut back
on the Fatburgers. [Laughs]

- All right, Budrow. Kick it.
- Hey, Budrow.

We trying to get a few words
with basketball star Isiah Thomas...

to see why he only wears
the Funky Flier.

- Go on. Get some, bro.
- Man, get that crap outta my face.

Man, how does he do the things he does?
Got to be the shoe.

Got to be the shoe. Hey, man,
I hear Rodman's in trouble, man.

Go on. Touch it.
Hold it one time, man.

Hey, man, it smells like
a dead, wet Chia Pet.

Hey man,
what's your problem, man?

- I'm not Lambier, man. I will kick my foot off...
- Come on. Not here.

Hey, watch it, watch it!
Look out! Security!

Thanks a lot, guys.
It's pretty good.

- Pretty darn good, if you ask me.
- Thank you, man.

- You know that's right.
- All up in there.

- Hey, hey, hey, Red, hold up.
- Hey, bro, what's up?

No, you ain't got me
like that.

Ewing, is this you?
And what's up, man? [Laughs]

Do I look like Ewing?
I'm John Starks. What's up?

- What's up? That's what I thought.
- Uh...

- All right now, brother. Go get it on with you.
- Okay now?

- Okay now. God Bless you.
- All right.

- Guys...
- Patrick Ewing!

- What's up, man?
- Who? Nice try.

You're too small.
I can help you out.

Y-Y-You get home safe now, brother.
[Coughing]

- That ain't him?
- Hey!

- What's up?
- You out here again?

Man, if all three of y'all
rolled up, come on with it.

- What's up, Dave?
- Oh, man!

Man!

Patrick Ewing, what's up, man?
How's it goin' up there, man? Doot!

What floor you on? Hey, now!
[Laughs]

Man, I'm honored, I'm sure.
Excuse me, brother.

- Look here. My name's Clavell.
- And I am Howard Tibbs III, man.

- Excuse me.
- And we need to talk "bidness."

Thanks, guys, but I already have
somebody to wash my car.

- Oh, you wrong now.
- You wrong now.

Man, don't make me...
I'm just kiddin' with you.

No. But for real, home stretch,
we're here...

to let you in on the ground floor
of the next footwear revolution.

Presenting... get ready...
the Funky Flier.

Watch the sky hook. Bam!

Go on, man!
Now, look here.

We want you to be
our celebrity endorser.

Now, all we need from you
is a slight commitment.

A few hundred thousand dollars
seed money.

Check with Shaq.
He does everything.

Hey, man, that cat Shaq
is a bad mother...

Look, I don't have time
for this.

- Hey, I get your strategy, big man.
- You have to hold up, man.

Now, look here,
homecoming king.

I know what you want. You wanna
represent the whole athletic line.

- I know he does.
- Our Funky Fingers sweatbands, tube socks...

jockstraps
and the pièce de résistance...

- Howard!
- Bam!

Funky Drawers.

- Okay, bozo, let's move it.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Boxcar Willie,
if you done harass me...

Man, you better get your hands off me.
Hey, Patrick!

♪♪ [Man Singing]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Ends]

Good evening, everybody.
I'm Roy Firestone.

The White League was formed
back in the late ' s...

by a man named Art Schanker,
himself a white man...

who wanted, as he put it,
to give the white fellas...

an equal chance to play in a game
dominated by black athletes.

L.A. Clippers's forward
Danny Manning remembers...

hearing stories
of the white players.

Oh, yeah, I've heard some of
the old-timers talk about it.

There were a lot of them
that would try out...

but none of them were ever
allowed to play in the NBA.

[Roy] If they hadn't been white,
do you think they would have made it?

Uh, no, because they
basically sucked.

[Roy] Harland "Beep Beep" Williams
remembers the problems...

that being white
created on the road.

That's right. I was a bus driver for
the Louisville Clouds from ...

I believe it was,
to .

You know, we'd stop at soul food places.
See what I'm saying?

They just couldn't go in the back door
and get greens and chicken...

and ribs and what have you,
you know.

It just wasn't done back then, so they sent
me in there to get food for everybody.

I'll never forget. There was this one lady
went in there and got the manager...

come out and said,
"You gonna eat all that food?"

I said, "Yes I am. I'm hungry."
[Laughs]

But the thing about it,
that's the kinda thing you had to do.

I mean, sh**t, they couldn't help it
for what they was.

[Roy] So when you watch the NBA today,
do you ever think to yourself...

"I'd sure like to see
Billy 'the Kid'Bates...

or Bobby 'Snowflake'Rogers
out there?

Oh, no, sir. They pretty much sucked.
All of'em.

[Roy] Still, they kept on. Teams with names
like the Gainesville Ghosts...

the Philadelphia
Really Pale Guys...

and, of course,
the Boston Celtics.

The league finally disbanded
in .

Vlade Divac tells ofhis disappointment
when he arrived in the U.S. In ...

from what was then Yugoslavia.

We didn't get the news that
the White Leagues were no longer around.

The Lakers were
my second choice.

I had always dreamed of playing
for the Wilmington WASPs.

[Roy] Was that because you admired
the players in the White League...

and wanted to play
alongside them?

No, it was because I knew I
could kick the hell out of them.

They really sucked.

[Roy]James Worthy actually remembers
seeing theJacksonville Swans...

play the Memphis Marshmallows
as a small child.

The Marshmallows had one guy
I'll never forget... Lonny Dustin...

one of the ugliest dudes
you ever laid eyes on.

If it hadn't been for Lonny
and guys like him...

Larry Bird would never have
the courage to show his face in the NBA.

[Roy] If Lonny Dustin
were here today...

wouldn't you like to say to the world,
"Here, this man is white...

but he still deserves a chance
to play in the NBA"?

Actually,
I'd be a little embarrassed...

because, as you probably know,
they pretty much sucked.

The White League...
guys without much talent or inspiration...

doing what they could to make it
in a league of their own.

A page from a forgotten book...

a chapter in an untold story.

In the final analysis, just a bunch of guys
who... pretty much sucked.

I'm Roy Firestone, up close.
Good night.

Hi, I'm Deidre,
and I'd like to introduce you...

to one of our newest Fly Girls,
Laurie-Ann.

♪♪ [Hip-hop]

♪♪ [Man Singing]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Woman Singing]

♪♪ [Man Singing]

♪♪ [Woman Singing]

♪♪ [Ends]

All right. Let's keep it movin'.
This is the NBA.

Where you goin' so fast? This is an NBA
game. This ain't the Harlem Globetrotters.

- Yeah, this ain't no Meadowlark Lemon.
- All right.

- Hey, hey, hey, hold up, hold up.
- Hey, hold up, hold up.

- Crenshaw cheerleaders.
- Yeah.

- C-C-Cross colors.
- That's what I'm sayin'. The Uh-Huh Girls.

Come on. We're the Laker Girls,
and we're running late.

- Hey, I don't care if you Shaq's girl.
- [Laughs]

- I don't care if you Barkley's girl.
- [Laughs]

I don't care
if you B-B-Batgirl.

- We have a job to do.
- Hold on, Barbie.

Hey, hey, hold up.

Y'all supposed to be the cheerleaders.
Go in them little tight things...

all, you know, pom-poms,
talkin' about...

♪♪ [Beatboxing]

Let's leave Tinker Bell
and Peter Pan alone.

But we don't love them.

- And you ain't Patrick. Hey, hold up, man.
- Who are you, man?

- Hey, guys, I'm the San Bernardino Chicken.
- Man, you...

[Shouting]

- Hey, man.
- Hold up, man.

Hey, hold up, uh...

- Shorty.
- Webster.

How you fellas doin'?
I'm Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

- Ohh! Whoo!
- [Laughing]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'm Vlade Divac.

- So, you the former Laker star, huh?
- That's right.

Hey, so, you the one that fought Bruce Lee,
and youse had an Afro and that whole thing?

H-Had an Afro looked like a Q-tip.
Bruce Lee whipped your ass, didn't he?

[Karate Yells]

Yeah, well, I'll tell you what.
You the master of the sky hook, right?

- That's right.
- So I don't think that's right.

I think that's wrong, 'cause I don't think
you're Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

As a matter of fact,
I don't think you're Cream of Wheat.

Yeah.
[Laughing]

O-O-Only m-magic you know
is Siegfried and Roy...

Sig... Sig... them white boys.

Listen here, Ren and Stimpy.
Would you just get out of my way?

- I'd be happy to,
except I don't think you're Kareem.
- Oh, man!

As a matter of fact, I think you're
Bushwick Bill on stilts.

Yeah, l-l-I'll kn-knock
your eye out.

I suggest that you
get out of my way...

before I sky hook your ass
across the parking lot.

Oh, oh, oh! It's on! It's on!
[Shouting]

[Karate Yells]

Hey, is there a problem
here, Kareem?

Is that really Kareem...
That be your problem right there.

Well, it ain't really no
problem, you know.

I was just tryin' to help
Mr. Jabbar get on back there.

You're lucky I made it.

Y-Y-Y-You l-lucky
he's got a humble heart.

You-You lucky B-Barkley
ain't here.

You... You just lucky.

- I'm all right, man.
- All right.

Tell you what. I'm gonna play
one-on-one with my foot.

Man, don't do that.
Let's just play some Nintendo.

[Imitating Game Beeping]

Yeah. All right.
We'd like...

We'd like to thank all our NBA stars
for helping us out this week.

And here, takin' us on out,
is Shaquille O'Neal.

Hi. Let me tell you somethin'.
I'm Fire Marshall Shaq.

I'm supposed to be introducing
some guy named Shaquille O'Neal.

You ever heard of him?
Me neither.

Next week, you can check him out in
his movie called Blue Chips.

[Laughs] But right now, I want you
to check out his video, "I'm Outstanding."

[Laughs] I'm outstanding too.
[Laughs]

[Sighs]

♪♪ [Hip-Hop]

♪♪ [Rapping]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Ends]