01x03 - The Wizard of Odd

[bunniefuu]

[whimsical music playing]

There he is. Dragon's newest employee.

You excited?

You know what? I'm gonna give you

what you're looking for. I am excited.

Good. First day checklist.

Proud sternum, symmetrical smile,

and, of course, engage the core.

All right. Here's a thought. Since I'm

staying, maybe accept me for who I am

and don't try

to mold me into your own image?

- Just trying to help.

- 'Cause I'm the one who needs help.

- I'm glad you know that.

- Oh, boy.

Tonight, I was thinking

that we spend some time together.

- Maybe order in, see a flick.

- Actually, I may have plans.

Oh, already? Good for you.

It's not doing a whole lot for me.

- But I'm happy. To a point.

- Mm. Hmm.

Through another lens,

I'm bitterly disappointed.

- Where are you going without me?

- [doorbell rings]

Great. I'm gonna go get that

and thank whoever it is

for getting me out of this conversation.

- [chuckles] It worked.

- Leslie, what are you doing here?

I need to talk to you alone.

I wanna move back in.

- I thought this might happen.

- You've always seen me so damn clear.

I miss our friendship.

But is it about our friendship,

or that you have a hole in your life

because your wife left you a month ago?

I don't know. I mean, maybe we could have

a swim, and a jacuzzi, and a sauna,

and talk about it while we're wrapped

in those big, thirsty towels of yours?

- I know it was fun, but it's time

- Let me finish.

I really enjoyed my time with you.

I think you did too.

If you can look me in the eye

and tell me that you didn't miss this,

I'll just walk away.

You'll never hear from me again.

You know I can't do that.

[door closes]

He's coming back.

Bye. I'll be back with my stuff.

Oh!

I got us kettle corn.

[door closes]

Variety pack!

- There was nobody there.

- How odd.

Should we roll?

Yeah, but please,

I just want to have a normal day at work.

- So don't make a big deal out of it.

- For sure.

[whimsical music playing]

- [all] Welcome, Jackson!

- [loud popping]

[cheering]

What happens to my words

between my mouth and your ears?

Oh, come on, it's fine.

It's just a few people.

- Oh, well, we're saved ♪

- Yes, we're saved ♪

- I said we're saved ♪

- Yes, we're saved ♪

Oh, now that Jackson's with us

Don't you know that we are saved? ♪

- Let's hear it, we're saved ♪

- Jackson saved ♪

- Sweet Lord, we're saved ♪

- Jackson saved ♪

With Ellis and his gifted son

We know that we are saved ♪

- Oh, well we're saved ♪

- Jackson saved ♪

- Yes, we're saved ♪

- Dragon's safe ♪

'Cause with Jackson helping Daddy

Don't you know that we are saved? ♪

Jackson will save us

Jackson will save us ♪

- [exhales]

- I know you weren't expecting that,

but I think that we can both agree

that that song slaps.

If I say yes, can this all stop?

- I need to find a microphone.

- g*dd*mn it.

- You want Jackson to like it here, right?

- It's fine. He needs to learn to have fun.

Still, I'm gonna run to the parking lot

and send the Tahitian fire dancers home.

Boo.

So you're staying?

- I am.

- Hmm.

- Fantastic. I will see you around.

- Wait, Ruby.

Let's go out tonight.

Okay.

You're getting so good at this.

Cool.

Everybody, thank you. Thank you

for coming. How about that choir?

- Huh?

- [cheering]

That's not over-the-top at all.

For years, Jackson has been

on his very serious flute adventure,

but now, he has decided

to merely make it a hobby,

which is really the only plausible outcome

for a boy and his flute.

So now, he is on his rightful path

with a real job. Jackson, say a few words.

Wow.

Uh, you know, I wasn't always just a boy

on his flute adventure.

There's other stuff about me.

For a while, I thought

I was gonna be a wildlife photographer,

but you'd be surprised

how hard it is to find animals.

And even when you do [chuckles]

I once took a photo of a frog,

then looked it up

to see what kind of frog it was,

and I found it.

I can't remember the name.

It had a yellow head.

Anyways, I remember finding a ton of other

way better photos of that same frog,

so it's like, "What did I even do?"

Okay, you're bombing.

Everybody, we're gonna take a quick break

to regroup, uh, but we'll be back.

Enjoy the cake.

Okay, bud, so tell me,

how did you think that went?

I spent way too much time

talking about a frog.

What the hell was its name?

- We need to work on your public speaking.

- Why? So I can be another you?

Easy, Hoss. I love you. I love the idea,

but you're a long way from that.

Party's over.

After you left, the choir got religious

then everyone wandered back to their labs.

- Great. I'm gonna go do that too.

- Uh, hold up, Hoss. May need your help.

- Did you just call me "Hoss?"

- We spend a lot of time together.

- Is "Hoss" a good thing?

- Sure is, Hoss.

So Allison Davis from Time Magazine

is out there.

Funny, she just said that you invited her

for a couple of days with full access.

First, I thought,

"There's no way that Ellis would do that

because he knows

that his mental state is"

Let's call it unpredictable.

Having a Pulitzer-winning reporter here

is the worst possible idea.

So you didn't do that, right?

Right? Right, Hoss?

Oh, so "Hoss" isn't a good thing.

I think it's a great idea.

We've had some bad press recently.

Since Katie d*ed, I've been,

let's call it interesting.

And this is a way to change the narrative,

to show the world that I am fine.

- And this is a normal place of business.

- [bird screeches]

My new hawk is here!

At the risk of introducing

a tiny bit of reality,

you squeaked through the board meeting,

but the twins are still gunning for you,

and you have what sounds like

a female northern goshawk in the lobby.

My father was a birder.

Until a long-tailed honey buzzard

took a piece of his nose.

My point is this is not a good time

to have Allison Davis snooping around.

Jackson, tell him I'm right.

Yellow-banded dart frog.

That's what it was.

Anna, I think this is the perfect time

to have Allison here.

Plus, she is here, so there is that.

All right. Fine. But we have to make

this look like a normal place of business.

No matter what she sees,

you may not kidnap her.

[whimsical music playing]

Malcolm.

There's a reporter here today.

When she tours the lab, I want it to look

like something exciting is happening.

Not just a bunch of pasty dweebs

hunched over microscopes.

You mean doing science?

Also, find all of Ellis's stuff

that might make him look crazy

and hide it the storage closet.

Start with this serenity jar.

Find that thing he uses

to electrocute himself.

Oh, the abdominal muscle stimulator

that he obviously doesn't need.

And the invisibility cloak, which might be

hard to find because it's invisible.

And there's a hawk around here

that needs silencing.

- I don't want to k*ll a bird.

- Oh, don't flatter yourself.

That thing would swallow your eyes

before you could say, "Where are my eyes?"

Just feed her some Nutri-Berries

to keep her calm and put her in a closet.

It seems like you know a lot about hawks.

Maybe you should be

I'm not going near that death machine.

Just do it.

[whimsical music playing]

Hey, Luna.

Hey, buddy. You okay?

Oh my God. Was my speech that bad?

No. Everyone's barely talking about it.

[sighs] I hate public speaking.

[sighs] Me too. When I gave

my grandfather's eulogy, I threw up.

I tried to scrape it off the coffin

with my note cards.

Then I couldn't read them.

So I panicked and gave the speech

from Independence Day.

Where the president says,

"We will not go quietly into the night?"

Yeah, but I only remembered

the part where he says,

"We are about to fight the largest

aerial battle in the history of mankind."

Oof.

It just all comes so easy to my dad,

you know?

I would never say this to his face,

but there are times where I wouldn't mind

being a little less me, a little more him.

Yeah, I'd love to be bold like your dad.

Or just like an average person.

- Right?

- [chuckles]

I've got this date tonight

with Ruby and I'm I'm nervous.

You're gonna be fine.

Just don't mention frogs.

- [chuckles]

- [door opens]

Aw, there he is. You okay?

So it was that bad?

No, no. You were very

[equipment beeps]

So, uh, I was looking at the stats

from the gene drive yesterday.

Take a look at this.

[door opens]

[Malcolm] Um.

- Are you guys on break?

- No, we're working.

Doesn't the propagation coefficient

seem a little low?

- 7.295. Yeah, that's weird.

- Okay, listen up.

A reporter is coming to the lab,

and you people are unwatchable.

So when she gets here,

Anna wants to make sure it looks like

something super exciting is happening.

- That's not how science works.

- Exactly.

What's the invisibility cloak doing here?

Uh, we were working on it.

It's not 100% yet.

Unless you close your eyes.

I'm supposed to gather anything weird

and hide it.

I think I got everything out

of Ellis's office.

There's a wooden box with a hole in it.

Anyone know what that is?

It's Napoleon's travel toilet.

- What?

- [Jackson] Yeah.

I'll go get it. You wanna grab it

a certain way when you pick it up.

When the reporter gets here,

pretend what you're doing is amazing.

Think of it

as the Broadway version of science. A-cha!

- Yeah, no one's doing that.

- No. Although I do want to be bolder.

Great. Go for it. Ruby?

I guess I can act mindlessly excited.

I'll pretend my niece is talking to me.

Oh my God, reporter, is that your snack?

Is it so yummy?

A little weird

but still better than science.

[sighs] It's not too late

to cancel this interview.

We could show Allison accounting.

Margie made cookies.

- You worry too much.

- Because I work for a crazy man.

I'm sorry. I'm under a lot of pressure

because I work for a crazy man.

You're going to be great.

Funny. That's not the message

I've been getting from you.

I told her no questions about Katie

or her passing.

I appreciate that.

Allison Davis.

I hate to fanboy right at the top,

but your reporting

on the corruption in the international

seed market was riveting.

I mean, you dug up dirt

on a very seedy industry.

Nice. Thank you.

And you, Ellis Dragon, the legend. I was

so honored when you reached out to me.

Oh, of course. Shall we?

Absolutely.

So I heard you went crazy

when your wife d*ed. Tell me about that.

Um [sniffs]

- O Okay.

- O Okay. Allison, hold up. Time-out.

You're being bad. We talked about this.

- You know what? It's okay.

- I'm not sure that it is.

No, no, no. It's a legitimate question.

Is it true,

for the month after Katie passed,

you survived on nothing

but salad dressing and squirrel meat?

That is just a rumor.

I did not make it the full month.

Look, I loved Katie deeply.

To pretend that her loss hasn't affected

me in a profound way would be ridiculous.

She inspired me to do this work,

and if I can lock up greenhouse gases

for a thousand years,

I'd honor her memory

and give the planet a fighting chance.

A beautiful and very stable answer.

So, am I crazy?

Look, they said Galileo was crazy.

They called Nikola Tesla crazy.

Though Tesla did lose his mind

and fall in love with one of his pigeons.

Which I would never do. I do have a hawk.

But I'm not attracted to it.

But if I were also a bird,

I would never leave that nest

because that bird is an undeniably

beautiful smokeshow of a hawk.

- What are you writing?

- [Allison] That you want people to know

you are not attracted

to your beautiful smokeshow of a hawk.

That makes it sound like I am attracted

to my undeniably beautiful

smokeshow of a hawk.

- It's purely platonic.

- "Purely platonic."

Okay. Uh, I think that's enough.

Summing up, we're doing important work.

It's all in Katie's memory,

and birds aren't part of it.

Let's get you to the lab. That's where

the exciting things are happening.

- [Ellis] Perfect. This is Jackson, my son.

- Nice to meet you.

- Hi.

- Where are you taking my

Cajón. It's a cajón.

It's a Peruvian percussion instrument

you sit on and drum with your hands.

- Why is there a hole in the top?

- It's where the sound comes out.

If you're sitting on it,

wouldn't you be covering the hole?

So you know more

than the Peruvians about cajón design?

Honestly, Allison,

that feels r*cist against Peruvians.

Let's get you to the lab before you say

something you can't take back.

- So, how'd the interview go?

- It started out strong.

And then I somehow wandered

into man-bird love,

which is going to need to be cleaned up.

Are your plans still on for tonight?

I'm bringing in sushi.

I have a little surprise waiting at home.

Actually, I do have plans, yes.

I'm hanging out with Ruby.

Ruby. I knew it.

God, I'm good.

You should listen to me more often.

Look, I'm already nervous,

and this is not helping.

- Would you like some advice?

- No.

Okay, yes,

but don't make me regret asking.

Stop caring.

Stop caring? I finally ask you for advice,

and that's what you have for me?

It works. Just keep telling yourself,

"I don't care." It rewires your brain.

Makes you feel like the stakes

aren't so high, so you can enjoy yourself.

I don't care.

Treat your date like you treat your core.

With complete indifference.

Don't treat your core

like you treat your core.

That is no way to get a lover.

[whimsical music playing]

So this is our Red

working on our most important project.

Ruby, Luna, why don't you tell Allison

what you're doing?

I hear you're on the brink

of an exciting breakthrough.

Yes, we are, Anna. And you never know

when it's gonna happen.

Oh my God. Ruby, come see this. I think

a breakthrough is happening right now.

You hear that? It's happening now.

- Really?

- Damn, science is watchable.

[Anna]

This graviton displacement is astonishing.

And so is the increased collision

rates between the gravitons.

This is thunderously boring.

Did they not understand?

Guys, you're losing us.

Don't be afraid to be bold.

- Gravitons are tiny particles that

- Bolder.

We cured gravity.

- What?

- What?

- What?

- That's right.

Finally, a world without gravity.

Is that possible?

And would we even want that?

I don't care what you want.

It's happening.

Wow, science.

Allison, why don't we continue your tour

with Malcolm?

Speaking of exciting,

we make our own soda.

What? Yes, we do. I'll show you how.

- What the hell was that?

- I'm curious too.

- I don't know. Everyone was yelling.

- You were the one yelling.

I went bold. No regrets.

The reason we have a reporter here

is to make this place look normal,

and you've just claimed

to cure a law of the universe.

- Obviously, some regrets.

- Just fix it.

- How?

- I don't know. I would suggest cleverly.

[whimsical music playing]

So how was your first day?

Well, technically, it wasn't my first day

since I was there yesterday.

Although, I wasn't

an official employee yet,

so, yeah, I guess today, my second day,

was really my first official day.

- What was the question again?

- Are you okay?

No, it wasn't that.

Something about my first day.

I'm gonna take that as a no.

[chuckles]

Honestly,

I'm a little out of my comfort zone too.

I typically date, like,

strong, confident alpha males.

Huh.

That did not come out right.

[chuckles] Cool. Yeah.

So a lot of this is really good.

Do you want to split a few things?

No. No way.

Is that you trying to be

a strong, confident alpha male?

That can backslide

easily into douchebaggery.

No, I just have this thing

where I can't let any of my foods touch.

Oh, brumotactillophobia.

- Yeah. Wow, yeah.

- My uncle struggled with it.

- And then he got better?

- No, he k*lled himself.

Unrelated. I think.

- [chuckles]

- [sighs]

- So do you have any pets?

- Yes.

I still have that cat

that you asked me about 20 minutes ago.

Right.

You're bombing. Care less. Care less.

But he is the cutest cat ever.

His name is Morton.

- He's a rescue, so he's super skittish.

- I don't care.

- Excuse me?

- I don't care.

Then why did you ask?

- Why'd I ask? Who gives a sh*t?

- Oh! What is wrong with you?

So many things. Um, well, hold on.

What are you doing?

Um, I'm leaving. This is awful.

[upbeat music playing]

- Say when.

- Not yet.

- Say when.

- Not yet.

- You're a madman!

- Not yet!

- I can't even see the bowl!

- Not yet. When, when!

[chuckles] Oh my gosh.

I can't even imagine

how many sprinkles you're gonna want.

[Leslie sniffs]

Mm. Oh, man, I needed this.

Things did not go well today

with that reporter.

Yeah, I had a hard day too.

Your hot tub gets so hot.

I kept having to get out,

but then I got used to it,

so then I stayed in.

[Ellis] Hmm. Interesting. Oh, you're home.

- We're doing sundaes.

- Wait, what are you doing back here?

I guess the better question is,

why did I ever leave?

'Cause you were kidnapped?

My God, he's so stuck

on that one little part of our journey.

I know. He obsesses. We're working on it.

How did it go with Ruby?

Awful. I took your "I don't care" advice,

and she walked out on me.

To state the obvious, you're not supposed

to say the "I don't care" part out loud.

It wasn't obvious at all.

I said it. A lot.

More than once?

Because after the first time

It wasn't obvious.

If I may,

Jackson, you seem to be

very upset with your father,

and he's a great guy,

so maybe you shouldn't be.

Moving forward, I'm not listening to you.

So don't tell me how to dress, stand,

talk on a date. Stop trying to help me.

I can't do that.

I'm your father. If I see you walking

towards a cliff, I'll say something.

That's beautiful.

Um, do you have any walnuts?

You can say whatever you want,

but moving forward, I don't care.

And listen, guy,

we don't have any walnuts.

I don't like 'em. They look like brains,

and they freak me out.

So, walnut-wise, are there any stores

nearby that might carry them?

In the pantry, behind the prunes.

Say nothing.

[whimsical music playing]

[phone ringing]

Last day with the reporter.

How about we finish strong, huh?

- Sure.

- What's wrong?

My son hates me

and never wants to see me again.

What's the version of that

that's not an overstatement?

- My son doesn't want my help.

- So don't try to help him.

But he needs it. You've met him.

Yes, I've known him since he was ten.

What he doesn't need is advice

designed to make him more like you.

Well, the millions who bought my book

Being Ellis might disagree, but go on.

Exactly. Everyone admires you.

It's hard for Jackson to find his own

identity with Ellis Dragon as his father.

So perhaps instead of trying

to turn him into you,

why not just try to help him

be the best version of him?

Maybe you're right.

[exhales] Maybe it's time to let go.

Thank you, Hoss.

You're welcome, other Hoss.

[whimsical music playing]

Excuse me, Miss Davis. I think

you may have misunderstood me yesterday.

- I wanted to clarify.

- Okay, sure.

Did you think I said we cured gravity?

You did say that. I heard it very clearly.

I even have it in my notes.

No, I wouldn't have said that.

Gravity's not an illness,

so it can't be cured.

- What did you say then?

- I said we "curred" gravity.

It means "measured." I was saying that we

measured gravity. So now that's all good.

- [Allison] Excuse me?

- No. It's all good.

[Allison] "Curred" is not a word.

Oh yes, it's just a word

we use around the lab.

We use a lot of made-up words.

Skeebop. Kerplump. Ooblek. Matzah.

- That' real, but we spell it differently.

- Why do you make up words?

Why?

You're asking why we make up words?

[whimsical music playing[

- There shouldn't be a reporter here.

- Oh God, what did you do?

- I made it worse.

- We're so mad at you right now, right?

I told Allison we make up words because

we think the lab's bugged by Elon Musk.

I also may have implied that's how he gets

the names for his children.

[inhales sharply] I know how to fix this.

You won't like it, but you have to do it.

- Because If you don't

- I don't need your help.

Exactly.

[whimsical music playing]

[pouring liquid]

Hey. I'm sorry about last night.

I'm sorry too.

- I'm kidding. It was all your fault.

- That's true. Um

Look, I was really nervous

about going out with you,

and my dad convinced me that it would

somehow help to pretend I didn't care.

But the truth is I do care. A lot.

You were that nervous

about going to dinner with me?

Yes, I was.

That's actually pretty sweet.

Um, I I got you something.

It's a catnip banana for Morton.

Aw.

He doesn't have one of these.

He didn't get you anything.

That's rude.

Yeah, sometimes he's a little rude,

but he has a big heart, so I forgive him.

I hope I'm reading

the situation correctly.

[chuckles]

Aw, it's good to see you two.

Talking, smiling.

- I don't care.

- Nice. Not supposed to say it out loud.

Does this creamer smell weird to you?

Son, this is a journey

you're going to have to take on your own.

Wow.

In your own strange way, I think

you're actually doing what I asked,

and I appreciate that.

[sighs] Thank you.

Because not helping you is very stressful.

[inhales deeply] I'm gonna go relax.

You know,

it's been so wonderful having you here

and getting to share our important mission

with your readers and,

well, the brilliant minds

with whom we get to work.

This man is taking me somewhere

so that I can have a nice rest.

Don't tell gravity where I am.

Luna is one of our best scientists,

but she pushes herself so hard.

Unfortunately, the pressure got to her.

So all that ranting

about Elon Musk and gravity was just

Yeah, sad. Sad little breakdown.

But it's okay

because she'll get the best help possible.

Because if there is one thing

that Ellis takes seriously,

- it's mental health.

- [objects clatter]

[Ellis] Ouch. Damn it!

Was that Ellis?

[sucks teeth] I didn't hear anything.

I'll be right back.

[whimsical music playing]

[reverberating] Where is the damn mallet?

- Oh, hell no.

- [Allison] Is everything okay?

[Ellis] Got it.

Oh my God.

[Ellis] Who's there?

Ellis?

[hawk screeching]

[whimsical music ends]

If only the invisibility cloak

wasn't inside-out, it might've worked.

If only a lot of things were different,

everything would be fine.

[whimsical music playing]

- We can use this, right?

- Oh, yeah.

Time to slay the Dragon.

Dude, that's sick.

[whimsical music ends]

[closing theme playing]

[closing theme ends]