01x03 - The Ghost Ship

[bunniefuu]

(YOUNG CLARE MOANING)

(GRUNTING)

PABLO: It's so good.

Oh, I f*cking love it.

I felt like I was f*cking.

(CLARE MOANING)

Thanks.

Thank you. That's

Thanks.

PABLO: It's just so raw.

I mean, our readers are gonna be blown away.

(LAUGHING) I mean,

obviously, with a few edits.

I mean, I think we can

probably change the title:

The Love of My Life.

I mean, it's not

exactly a romance, right? So.

(CLARE CRYING)

It sort of is, right?

Because of the love that I have for my mom,

who d*ed when I was

Right. Totally.

But

I mean, it's also about some

pretty mind-blowing sex.

(CLARE CRYING)

But then, this volcanic sadness

about your mom,

and just so much crying.

Okay. So I

It's all one thing, right?

I'm I'm making a connection

between two things that seem separate.

- There's sex and grief.

- (YOUNG CLARE MOANING)

- PABLO: Right.

- And I'm

Totally. Totally. Yes. Okay?

And it is a

- It's a brilliant essay.

- Mm-hmm.

PABLO: But our readers,

they want the f*cking, right?

They want that raw Denis Johnson sh*t.

And if you fix this,

you could be, like, a female Denis Johnson.

You could be, like, Denise Johnson.

Okay. Sorry. I don't wanna

I don't think it needs to be fixed.

Sorry, I just I believe in my work.

Look.

Unless you significantly revise it,

I don't think that I can publish.

Pablo, this is one of the strongest pieces

I've ever written.

Agreed. Agreed.

And I really want it published.

I need it published.

I know.

Okay?

So lose the sad.

(CRYING)

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

(PANTING)

- (DOOR SLAMS)

- Ah, sh*t!

Frank Uh, Rae?

Rae!

Booker, you seen Rae?

(SIGHS)

Oh, thank God.

Oh, Rae.

Rae, hi. If you

Yeah, I've been calling for you

to help me with the groceries.

(SIGHS) How was the game?

Stupid.

Okay.

So I know you

I know you probably

don't wanna talk about

Correct.

But

I know that you probably have

had twosomes before

- RAE: Mom.

- but this

I think a a threesome is a big leap.

So I was wondering

if maybe you were subconsciously

worried about our little threesome.

- About

- What?

CLAR: me and you and Dad.

- Eww! Ew! Ew! Ew!

- No, I don't mean it in that same way.

I'm just I'm not saying it in a I'm

Not everything is about you.

(RAE SIGHS)

Is this Is this about Carmen?

Montana. Her name is Montana now.

- I told you that.

- (CLARE SIGHS)

Of course, it is.

Why not name yourself

after a beloved red state?

You know, she won't even return

my texts anymore?

So, yeah. Thank you!

Sorry, I didn't mean to make fun of her.

Mmm

(SOFTLY) Mel is gonna gloat.

She She just always gets gloaty

when we ask for an emergency session.

Well, our 16-year-old

having a f*cking threesome

kinda warrants one.

CLARE: I think it was Montana's idea.

Yeah. That girl is a bad seed.

It's why I never drive her home.

sh*t! I can't find my wallet.

Do you know Do you know that

her mother sells salt?

Yeah. She imports hand-gathered sea salt.

That is her actual job.

I think they live in Spain.

Or maybe they have

a house there or something.

- Mm-hmm.

- I don't know.

All I know is that they're rich

and cosmopolitan,

and we're poor and boring.

I bet that they're the kind of family

that does molly

and then just, like, has dinner together.

Okay, well, Rae is never eating

dinner there again.

Or Or any other meal.

Lunch or snack or anything else,

for that matter.

Well, you know, the good news

is nobody had sex at our house.

Intent to commit is still a crime.

I don't know. I I think that

almost doing something is different

from actually doing it.

- (CAR ENGINE STARTS)

- (DANNY SIGHS)

I don't know, she's just

- She's gotta be smarter, you know?

- Yeah.

Last thing we need is a

A surprise pregnancy.

(PHONE CHIMES)

MAN: Dear Sugar

For people out there who aren't

lucky enough to just know,

how do you decide

whether or not to have kids?

I'm 41, I love my life,

and I don't really want to give it up.

I'm a guy who is happy without kids.

But I also could be really happy with kids.

I've always pictured myself

as a father someday.

But now, someday's here.

And, uh, I don't feel ready.

Can you help me, Sugar?

Signed, Undecided.

Oh, my God.

Danny.

Hi.

Hi.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

YOUNG CLARE: So, how's the band?

You guys back out on the road again?

As long as the van's still running.

(LAUGHING)

YOUNG DANNY: And I guess

this label in Chicago

might sign us on, so.

- YOUNG CLARE: What?

- DANNY: Yeah. Really.

- Wow.

- Yeah.

But how's the the writing?

Oh, um

- Yeah, it's It's good.

- Yeah?

It's fine. It's, um

I wrote something about my mom that

It might It might be published.

- What?

- YOUNG CLARE: Yeah.

But, uh, I

It's just co It's complicated. Um

- That's amazing.

- Yeah.

Can I read it?

I'll let you know.

Of course. Of course.

How's Lucas? He's still living

at your mom's place?

Um, yeah.

Well

He's supposed to be, but most of the time,

he just crashes at mine.

- Mmm.

- CLARE: Yeah.

He's lonely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hm.

Hm.

("ARE YOU GONNA BE MY GIRL" BY JET PLAYING)

So one, two, three

Take my hand and come with me ♪

Because you look so fine

that I really wanna make you mine ♪

I say you look so fine

that I really wanna make you mine ♪

Thank you for meeting

with us last minute, so.

Yeah.

- I'm glad I was able to fit you in.

- DANNY: Yeah.

So, uh, um, I came, uh,

I came home early from work the other day

Yeah. Before she was put on leave.

Okay. Um

And, uh, there I heard some noises

coming from down the hall.

And what kind of noises?

(BOTH MOANING)

Uh, sex-ish noises.

(MOANING)

At first I thought it was Danny.

What?

They were coming from our bedroom. (SCOFFS)

Who would Who the f*ck

would I be having sex with?

I don't know.

You kicked me out of the house,

- so I don't know what you're doing.

- Okay, Clare. Jesus.

- CLARE: That's where we are! Sorry.

- (DANNY SIGHS)

(SCOFFS)

Then I I open the door

Then I open the door, and it was Rae.

And she was with two of her friends.

THEY WERE HALF-NAKED, - DANNY: Oh.

And they were just kind of,

uh, tangled up on the bed.

- So.

- Were they having sex?

No. No, they weren't. Luckily.

Well, you weren't there.

Um, it's it's debatable, I guess.

(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY) I don't think

I've ever seen you so

Are you uncomfortable talking about sex?

Uh, yeah, when it

When it refers to my 16-year-old daughter.

Absolutely. Hell, yeah. I'm I'm

I'm I'm uncomfortable. What?

And with you and Clare?

- What?

- Yeah. What about us?

I mean,

are you both

having it?

Together?

(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)

I wrote a song about you.

Really?

It's not done yet, but yeah.

I wanna hear it.

(CHUCKLES) Of course, you do.

- Maybe, I don't.

- Mmm. (CHUCKLES)

Nah, you do.

And it's good.

Will you send it to me when it's finished?

I'll think about it.

Only if you send me

what you wrote about your mom.

- CLARE: Mm.

- Then we have a deal.

- No, that's different.

- How?

- That's different than a song.

- No, it's not.

It's your creation.

We make things.

And we share them.

At least we used to.

I mean, it's been I mean, it's

(EXHALES) It's It's been

I think we're really here to talk about Rae.

(SCOFFS) Yeah.

DANNY: And what's going on.

And And And how

How she's being influenced.

Well, I mean,

the most embedded messages

usually come from in the home, so.

So what?

I've read your work.

I looked you up

right after we first started.

You are a very powerful writer.

But

(EXHALES) Okay, there's a "but."

Do you think there's a chance

she read your Whore essay?

Slut.

The

The essay was called Slut.

And there's no threesomes in it.

I mean, if you listen

to any of his lyrics

'Cause his lyrics

are pretty sexually explicit.

- What the hell?

- CLARE: I'm just saying.

"Your thighs bring me closer to God"?

Maybe she heard that.

That's Nine Inch Nails.

Except the thighs part.

Do you not remember my songs anymore?

Of course, I do!

Most of them were about you.

(MEL CONTINUES WRITING)

Danny.

Of course, I remember your songs.

Can Can we just go back

to hating Montana?

See, Mel always just makes things worse.

(SCOFFS) Always.

You know, I think that we

just have to do something.

I do.

I I think that we need

to go talk to Montana's mother.

Why?

Try to buy some salt from her?

No, because I think that her daughter

just forced our daughter to do something,

- and that she needs to know that.

- Nah. Again, no.

- Because she obviously has no clue.

- DANNY: No.

And I think that she actually

used our house for that bullshit!

Yeah. No. No.

Danny! Danny?

No, Clare. Drop it.

YOUNG CLARE: Ah, f*ck! f*ck. f*ck. f*ck.

Dude, are you okay?

Why Why are you saying, "f*ck"?

f*ck!

("MR. BRIGHT SIDE" BY THE K*llers PLAYING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Coming out of my cage

And I've been doing just fine ♪

YOUNG AMY: f*ck-me boots? Really?

You sure that's a good plan?

Are you gonna f*ck the baby out?

(SCOFFS) Amy! You're terrible.

You're the one who hasn't told Danny.

I'm gonna have an abortion.

They say good things happen in threes.

I never should've one on that hike.

I should've just

I should've just gone to Don Guac's

and gotten a burrito

like a normal hungover person.

You probably would've run

into Danny there too.

Isn't that, like, your place?

- Oohh, can I borrow this?

- Take it.

Goth maternity wear isn't really a

thing.

So now you're not getting an abortion?

I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing!

I I don't know. What would you do?

I'm never having kids,

so I wouldn't have it.

Wait, what?

How did I not know this?

People freak out

if you don't wanna be a mom.

It's like a mortal sin.

Oh, well, people are stupid.

I might feel different about the whole deal

if I had had a mom like yours.

Mm.

What if this is the last time

I wear these boots?

- You're not dying.

- I feel like I am.

You're not.

You're just maybe gonna have a baby.

(CLARE CHUCKLES DERISIVELY)

Or maybe not.

Either way, you need to tell Danny.

YOUNG DANNY: I thought you were on the pill!

Well, I stopped taking it

after we f*cking broke up

to give my give my body

a break from the hormones!

f*ck! I don't think you understand.

Like, I I seriously can't deal

with this right now. I have

Okay. Okay, Danny, I'm sorry

- it's so stressful for you!

- DANNY: Stop! Stop!

- That's not what I meant!

- Why are you yelling?

Because I'm f*cking frustrated!

And we're both yelling.

(SOFTLY) You yelled first.

Clare, I can barely pay rent.

(SCOFFS) And the band

I can't be in South America when

you're having a baby, Clare.

I can't.

- South America?

- YOUNG DANNY: Yeah.

Brazil and Argentina.

sh*t.

What?

sh*t!

- We're just

- Danny, sh*t!

the openers.

It's not Well, first of two

openers. It's nothing.

What What am I talking about?

I feel like a f*cking assh*le

talking about my band right now!

Who cares about my band?

I care about your band.

You care about your band.

And you should.

I love I love your band.

I love you.

And I don't wanna be some cliché

of an absentee father either.

My family will f*cking disown me.

(DANNY SIGHS)

(SOFTLY) f*ck!

Yeah, that's

That's not the same as loving me.

I do love you.

You f*cking know that, Clare.

Okay. Um

- The timing's terrible. Obviously.

- Yeah.

Yeah, we're not even together.

- This isn't that hard to figure out.

- You know, I mean

I mean, if this is how we got back together,

- we always knew this would be the reason.

- Exactly.

I'd have to give up music.

I'd have to I'd

I'd have to get a a desk job

or whatever gives benefits.

Like, what are my skills?

What What can I even do?

I'ma have to go back to school,

get a f*cking degree.

Danny, stop! Just stop for a second.

♪

It's okay.

- No, it's not

- It's okay.

We broke up for a reason.

We need to go out,

and we need to live our lives.

You go on tour. f*cking k*ll Argentina.

f*cking k*ll Brazil!

I'm gonna

I'm gonna go to Iceland and climb a

glacier or something.

I'm gonna live my life.

And I think you should live yours.

(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)

(DISTANT DOG BARKING)

Ugh, what the f*ck?

(PANTING)

MONTANA: Mrs. Pierce?

Oh, hi, uh, Montana.

(PANTING)

It's a lot of stairs.

Grocery day must be a

(PANTING)

a workout!

Oh, our groceries are delivered.

But I get it. It takes

my grandma, like, a half hour.

Can I get you a beverage?

Or perhaps a towel?

Uh, that's okay. I just, um

Uh

(EXHALES) Actually, water would

be great. Thank you so much.

Uh, still, sparkling, or pH-enhanced?

Never mind, that's okay.

Uh, is your, uh (EXHALES)

(EXHALES) Excuse me.

Is your mom home? I was, uh,

hoping to speak with your mom.

She's in Barcelona.

Of course, she is.

Is there anything else I can help you with?

Actually

I was wondering

what made you think it was a good idea

to orchestrate an orgy

in me and my husband's bedroom?

That was Rae's idea.

That's bullshit.

Maybe you weren't aware that she's

completely obsessed with me.

I mean, why do you think

she decided to start going by

her middle name?

What?

I said "Rae" was cooler.

I can't help that she's in love with me.

Look,

you little entitled,

f*cking, pretentious,

little, f*cking dipshit.

First of all, her name

is not for you to change.

Second, if someone is in love with you,

you treat them with respect.

Are you sure you don't want a towel?

(EXHALES) You treat their heart

like you are holding

a f*cking day-old duckling

whose neck could break

at any f*cking second, okay?

Oh, my God, duckling? Are you, like, 50?

No, I'm f*cking 49 years old!

And I know how to have a f*cking threesome.

Not that pathetic little p*ssy-ass sh*t!

That's offensive and self-hating.

Do you have any idea

how f*cking lucky you are

to be loved by her?

I would f*cking k*ll

to have a f*cking ounce of that love,

and she wastes it on you?

What kinda f*cking name is "Montana"?

Who are you? f*cking Brad Pitt

in f*cking A River Runs Through It,

thinking everyone wants to f*ck you

because you have f*cking great hair?

(KID CHUCKLES)

Okay, your That child was filming this,

so you could ask him to

f*cking kindly delete it

from the apps.

All the apps.

(RAE SNIFFLING)

CLARE: Hey, guys.

What's wrong?

(SOBBING) You!

- Well, I I

- RAE: Please don't.

There's a TikTok.

(RAE CRYING)

Of course, there is.

Honey. Can I

(DOOR RATTLES)

Okay. If you wanna talk about anything,

I I'm right I'm right here

RAE: I won't!

Ever!

(DANNY SIGHS)

What do you think of black?

For a cradle?

Yeah. Badass.

What do you think?

It's great.

- CLARE: Yeah?

- Mm-hm.

For a tablecloth.

(CLARE LAUGHS)

Mom would love it.

Yeah.

Listen, I'm I'm gonna

get a legit job and

And help with the bills.

Maybe we could move back to Mom's together.

Yeah, maybe.

You know, you're better off

without that assh*le.

He's not an assh*le.

CLARE: Dear Undecided.

Every life has a sister-ship.

A ship that follows the path

we could have taken but didn't.

On that ship is the person we would've been

if we had taken that phantom path.

And that person

lives a different phantom life

than the one you're living now.

So the question is: who do you intend to be?

You believe you could be happy

in any scenario,

becoming a parent or remaining childless.

And you wrote because you want clarity,

but there won't be any.

At least not yet.

There will only be the choice you make

and the sure knowledge

that that choice, any choice,

will contain some loss.

So get out a pen and paper, and make a list.

Write down everything you know

about your real life

and everything that you imagine

- about your future life.

- (CLARE SCOFFS)

And then look at them both.

YOUNG LUCAS: Okay, let's take that.

We gotta go. We gotta go now!

(CLARE GROANING)

- YOUNG LUCAS: I gotta get to the door.

- Okay. Okay.

- Oh!

- Sorry. Sorry.

- Oh, my f*cking God!

- I'm sorry.

CLARE: One is the life you'll have

and the other is the sister-life you won't.

And you get to decide what to do.

YOUNG LUCAS: sh*t.

CLARE: (ON TIKTOK) And what the

f*ck kind of name is "Montana"?

Who the f*ck do you think you are?

f*cking Brad Pitt in f*cking

A River Runs Through It?

f*cking "Oh, everybody wants

to f*ck me"

- I can't. I can't!

- Clare, yes, you can.

- Yes, you can.

- (GROANING)

CLARE: There are certain things

I wouldn't know

until I became a mom.

And certain things I will never

know because I became one.

Who would I have been without

my child the last 16 years?

(EXHALES)

Who would I have met if I had traveled

to the corners of the Earth?

And where would that have taken me?

♪

I just know the clarity that I'd longed for

happened when I held

my daughter's body against mine.

What should we name her?

CLARE: And in that moment, one life ended

and another began.

Frankie.

(BABY FUSSING)

Hi, little Frankie.

- (LAUGHING) Hi.

- (CLARE LAUGHS)

(DOOR OPENS)

You told me to live my life.

This is it.

♪

CLARE: Do you wanna hold her?

DANNY: Uh, yeah.

CLARE: Here.

DANNY: Hey. Hey.

Hey, it's, uh It's midnight.

You think she's okay?

I think she just needs space, you know?

(CLARE GROANS)

DANNY: You should get some sleep.

Why? What do I need to do tomorrow?

(DANNY CHUCKLES)

Maybe you wanna go for a hike or something?

♪

(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)

Yeah.

Maybe.

♪

I'll never know the life I didn't choose.

And neither will you.

We'll only know that whatever

that sister-life was,

it was important and beautiful.

And not ours.

Hey, pretty girl.

Hey.

Hey, man.

Thank you. For everything.

CLARE: It was the ghost ship

that didn't carry us.

There is nothing to do

but salute her from the shore.

Yours,

Sugar.

("LOOKING OUT" BY BRANDI CARLILE PLAYING)

I went out looking for the answers ♪

And never left my town ♪

I'm no good at understanding ♪

But I'm good at standing ground ♪

And when I asked a corner preacher ♪

I couldn't hear him for my youth ♪

Some people get religion ♪

Some people get the truth ♪

I never get the truth ♪

I know the darkness pulls on you ♪

But it's just a point of view ♪

When you're outside looking in ♪

You belong to someone ♪

And when you feel like giving in ♪

Or the coming of the end ♪

Like your heart could break in two ♪

CHILD: Best day ever!