02x11 - Funeral

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music]

Thank you for letting us have this here.

This place meant everything
to my grandfather,

and it only feels right that
this is where we honor him.

I was picturing more of a celebration
of life kind of thing.

I didn't realize that he would actually

be joining us in person.

There he is.

I bet he's up there in heaven right now

sitting in a conference room

with Jesus, and Buddha,
and Zeus, and everyone,

yelling, "Jesus, get me
those files, or you're fired."

[chuckles]
Well, that's a beautiful image.

Yeah.

Well, um, I don't want
to hold up the line.

- So I'm gonna...
- No, it's okay.

Hey, everyone,
I'll get to you later, okay?

- That's not necessary.
- Thank you, yes.

You're nodding, but you're not...

- Okay, okay.
- [sighs]

You know, they really
broke the mold with my grandpa.

Yeah, they did.

There will never be another
Franklin Payne,

so don't you go trying to make one.

I will not do that.

So all right. Well, good to see you.

I just can't believe he's gone.

- [sobbing]
- Oh, we're doing this?

- Oh, oh, boy.
- [sobbing]

There, there, there.

♪

♪ Bom bom bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪

♪ Buh buh bom-bom-bom
buh bom-bom-bom-bom ♪

[chorus vocalizing]

I never even met this dildo.

I don't know why
I have to spend my Sunday

pretending to grieve for him.

Well, he used to be CEO.
You're the current CEO.

It's like when the next president dies.

All the new presidents have
to go to the funeral.

If I ever die, just don't let 'em

stick me in the conference room.

If you ever die?

Ah, and speaking of funerals,

look who's back from the dead
after I fired him,

Jintao Kang, oh, and he's talking

to Soren no less.

Well, he worked here
under Franklin, so...

What's going on with this little number?

Oh, it's the only thing I had
that felt right for a funeral.

I think I bought it
for a candlelight vigil

back when Heath Ledger d*ed.

I'd think your closet would be full
of funeral friendly stuff.

- What does that mean?
- It's a compliment.

Is it? Nice.

Is that a casserole?

Well, in my family, when someone dies,

you bring a casserole.

Or you could have just made
a donation to their charity.

Is that what you did?

So check out all the people

who've already signed the guest book:

Karl Debbers, Fiona Brand,
James Pershner,

all in the same room.

I don't know who those people are.

It's like every top auto industry player

on the planet.

I mean, this funeral's wasted on you.

I don't know if there's, like,
someone I can give this to or...

Peter Drabek?

God, why didn't this bastard
die sooner, you know?

Yeah.

It's totally protected
from climate change,

and if you invest million,
they just give you residency.

- Hm.
- Oh, that's beautiful.

Oh, and you get to live there
with the Hobbits and the sheep.

- Oh, yeah.
- How you guys holding up?

Uh, we're good, man. You?

You know, just taking it
one day at a time

I guess, right?

So, look, I was planning
on singing "Father Figure"

by George Michael because Grandpa

was like a father figure to me,

and I wanted to make sure,
none of you were planning

on doing that, right?

I'm definitely not going to sing
"Father Figure" by George Michael

at my grandfather's memorial.

Good, no overlap.

We were just sitting around
talking about what

we were gonna do with our stock.

Landon is gonna buy
some property in New Zealand,

and my Toddy,
he is going to be investing

in Ming dynasty erotica.

You gotta see some of
the stuff they did back then.

I mean, this is pre-internet.

Okay, wait, hold on,
are you talking about

the Payne stock that Grandpa left us?

He'd want that to stay
in the family, right?

Not sell it all and buy a bunch
of weird Mongolian p*rn.

Can't you guys just wait one day
before you start planning

how you're gonna split up the spoils.

He just d*ed.
His body's not even cold yet.

No, it is freezing. I touched it.

- What?
- You did?

Yeah, it's an open casket.
You're supposed to.

It's, like, part of the experience.

No, you're not supposed to touch him.

What are you, the funeral police?

So how's everything going
over at Volkswagen, Jin?

Boring? You plus the Germans.

Oh, I'm not at Volkswagen anymore.

Oh.

I work for a Saudi investment fund.

- I manage $ billion.
- Wow.

[chuckles] The Saudis, huh?

God, you thought I was
a scary boss, right?

Mess up with the Saudis, and it's...

[imitates sawing]

[laughs]

I never thought you were a scary boss.

I just thought you didn't know
what you were doing.

Oh, well, I guess
I've proven that theory wrong,

right, Soren?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, have you seen our stock lately?

It's just going up, up, up.
You know, she's gone.

Soren told me that if you
don't get the price back up

to . by next month,
you're the one who's gone.

[chuckles] Well, I'm not worried.

We're gonna make it,
or at least be close enough.

I mean, it's not like
Soren is gonna hold me

to the exact penny, right, Soren?

- A deal is a deal.
- Yes, a deal is a deal.

The stock has been going up,
but he's gonna fire me

if I'm not hitting the exact penny?

It's not fair.

Did he say whether the whole team

was on the chopping block or just you?

- It's not fair either way.
- No.

Wesley.

Payne's a different place
without your grandpa.

- I'm sorry.
- Thanks.

Well, you're the only ones who care.

My parents didn't
even bother flying back

from Aruba for the funeral.

Aruba?

What, did they read an
in-flight magazine from ?

And all my family thinks about
is selling his stock and cashing out.

Sorry, what?

When you say selling his stock,
do you mean his Payne stock?

They do realize, if they all sell
at once, it'll k*ll the stock price?

They don't care.
All they care about is buying

New Zealand farms
and -year-old oriental p*rn.

Oh, sorry, Asian p*rn.

I don't know what
you're supposed to call it.

I'm going through a lot right now, guys.

♪

♪ For just one moment ♪

♪ To be bold and naked ♪

♪ At your side ♪

♪ Sometimes I think that ♪

Does he know he's singing

about wanting to [bleep] his grandpa?

Cyrus, focus.

If the whole family sells
at the same time,

it's gonna flood the market,
and the price is gonna crater.

If the price falls,
we'll never get it back up

at the deadline,
and that means we will all

be out on our asses,
so do whatever it takes

to convince the family not to sell.

Wait, we have to do that now?

It feels kind of wrong to talk to people

about their inheritance
during a funeral.

I know, like, "Hi, here's a tissue.

Sorry for your loss.
Now let's talk finances."

We can't wait.

If they start selling
when the market's open

in the morning, it'll be too late.

Yeah, I just wish there was another way.

You know what? This stupid thread.

- Oh.
- Oh, whoops.

Oh, obviously, I thought

just the thread would come off,
and I'd be the hero.

Can you see that?

♪ I will be the one who loves you ♪

♪ Till the end of time ♪

Gonna miss you, Grandpa.

[sparse applause]

That's better, right? Should I do more?

- And mess with perfection?
- I'll do more.

What are you looking for?

We're on a sinking ship, Sadie.

If Katherine wants
to run around bailing water

out with a bucket, that's her choice.

I'm gonna find a life raft like...

Enzo Moretti from Fiat is here.
Fiat's not a bad place to land.

Yeah, he's over there.

Perfect. Thank you, Sadie.

And good luck with
your raggedy-ass dress.

You didn't have to rip it out.

That's their guest book.

Your grandfather was so excited

about everything we have
in the pipeline for next year.

Oh, I didn't know you two had met.

Oh, yeah, we talked.
We talked all the time.

I think the last time
was about a month ago.

- I was visiting him at home.
- You mean the hospital?

Yeah, well, I mean, of course,

that had become his home at that point.

I just have to wonder,
is selling the right move?

I mean, you'd lose your stake
in the company for what?

A bunch of cash you'd just blow
in Vegas or something?

I'm gonna donate it
to Warriors against Hunger.

Yeah.

They do a lot for the food insecure.

That's nice.

I just don't know what
I'm gonna do without him.

Well, I try to focus
on what they left behind.

As long as you keep
whatever he passed onto you,

you will always have a piece of him.

That's so beautiful.

You know, I got my sense
of humor from him.

Your sense of humor? Great.

What else did you get from him?

And he said, "Katherine,
thank you for the year"

"this company is about to have
and how happy

our shareholder are gonna be."

Wow.

How did he say that
through the ventilator?

Uh, he... um, he pointed.

In reality, the presidents
of those charities

take % of the donations
for themselves.

It's so sad.

We had the same azure blue eyes.

Oh, you gotta keep those eyes.

[chuckles] What else did he leave you?

- Um, hemophilia.
- Okay.

But, you know, letter by letter
on one of those charts.

He did... like,
"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly"?

He, like, pointed
with the letters and...

Yes, it was... It took forever,

but I got it.

- Did he say anything about me?
- No, that was it.

Really take stock
of everything he left behind

and in what ways you are richer
because of him.

Oh, well, you know, he did leave me

with , class A shares
of Payne stock.

- I mean, does that count?
- It all counts.

It all counts, so you gotta keep it all.
You know, the stock.

Yeah, obviously, hemophilia,
all of that.

Plus a lot of people
who say they're hungry,

they're actually very well-fed.

I can send you a YouTube video
that lays it all out.

[dress tears]

Oops. [chuckles]

I think your dress ripped open.

Yes, thanks for the tip, sir.

Every curve, every line
is working together

to tell a story.

Yeah, but not
at the expense of function.

I mean, at the end of the day,

it's gotta go from place to place.

[chuckles] Yeah, you know, I'm sorry.

He's too polite to say this,

but you're kind
of monopolizing his time.

Maybe you could go
and check out the bar?

Uh, okay, I guess I'll get a drink.

Okay, bye-bye, yeah.

- Hey.
- Hey.

That guy, what a talker, huh?

Cyrus Knight,
chief of design here at Payne.

Listen, I agree
with what you were saying

about design telling a story,

and that's what I love about Fiat.

You know, the Fiat ,

it makes the Mini Cooper
look like a PT Cruiser.

- Yep, there, I said it.
- It's true.

I was just raving about the to Enzo.

That's Enzo?

Yeah, Enzo Moretti, the CEO at Fiat.

I was just telling him how the ...

Wouldn't you want me to sell the stock

while I still have time
to enjoy the money?

Come on, you.

You are so young.

- You have plenty of time.
- Do you think?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Mom, hi, there you are.

Christina, hi,
I was just talking to Jack

about what I should do with
the stock that Grandpa left me.

That's an odd topic
to bring up at a funeral.

Are you a financial advisor
or something?

[chuckles] Just a friend.

A friend, okay, a friend who chitchats

fragile, wealthy older women
at funerals, okay.

Oh, honey, no,
don't make this a whole thing.

Really, no, we're fine.

I think I'll just sit right here
with you and, um...

- Jack.
- Jack.

- Okay.
- [chuckles]

Oh, my God.

I thought the answer was A

on your Instagram story.

I was one of the %
who chose A, the cat,

for what you should be for Halloween.

Noted, listen, as much as I'd love

to do a deep dive on this with you,
I'm just kind of...

I hear the Payne family is all planning
to sell their shares,

but I have an interesting proposal,

and I think Kitty's gonna like it.

Yeah. It was a good costume.

Well, as I mentioned,

I'm a partner in
a Saudi investment fund.

It's run by two brothers,
Salim and Alamulhuda...

- Okay.
- The latter of whom goes by Al.

Jin, we're in a bit of a time crunch,

so if you could just get to the offer,
that'd be great.

The fund would like
to buy the Payne family's

entire share of the company
at five points over market.

- Wow.
- All right.

Oh, um, that's a very interesting

and intriguing offer.

When you say the entire family's shares,

not mine, right?

'Cause I work here.

I'm, like, part of the whole thing.

We're only interested
in the entire block of shares.

Either every family member sells,

or in the words of Randy Jackson,

it's gonna be a no from me, dog.

Okay, well, I'm a Payne.

I'm not giving up my stake
in Payne Motors.

I don't care what the price is.

Wesley, I know you love this place,

but if we don't make this deal
and a bunch of your relatives

start selling on the open market,

the stock price is gonna drop,

and we're all gonna lose our jobs.

Before you know it,
we could be out on the streets.

Maybe one of us could die
in a drug overdose.

That happened fast.

Yeah, it happens incredibly fast.

I mean, obviously,
I don't want that to happen.

I guess if every one of my family agrees

to sell, I won't stand in the way.

Great.

But if there's any other way we could...

No, that's great.
Thank you so much, Wes.

Okay, great, guys, so a slight tweak

to the previous plan, you
need to do the exact opposite.

Go back to whoever you talked to,

convince them to sell.

All right, let's go.

I just want to say, you were right.

What is the point of having money,
uh, if you can't spend it?

Life is short.

Yeah, but you said that I
should hold on to my shares

because I have so much time.

I definitely said that, but who knows?

You could get hit by a bus,
get struck by lightning.

Winnie, you have hemophilia.

All it takes is just one sharp pencil.

It's... [clicks tongue]

- That's true.
- What's true?

- Oh, hi.
- Fantastic.

Your daughter is back.

I just don't feel great
about taking Saudi money.

Doing business with a brutal regime

that has no respect for human rights?

Totally get that,
but you know, there's two sides

to every story.

You never here about the people
they don't execute.

[chuckles]

Look, I shouldn't be doing this.

I don't want you to lose any money,

but the company is in trouble.

Sell everything.

Yeah, no, when this news hits,

this stock is gonna crash
harder than a Payne sedan

in a light rainfall.

Oh, sh**t.

I think some people heard me. Damn.

Yeah, no, just sell.
You're gonna want to sell.

- Just sell.
- You know what?

Jack said that I should sell
Grandpa's stock.

And then let me guess.

You can take that money
and invest in his startup

or fund your movie or,
I don't know, pay your rent.

- No, that is not what this is.
- He's a gigolo, Mom.

- I'm sorry, this guy's a gigolo.
- Whoa, I am not a gigolo.

No, he's just being nice.

Drink?

- I'm okay.
- You sure?

It's an open bar. Go nuts.

I guess I'll be able
to buy a lot of these

when I sell my shares, huh?

Yeah, a whole lot of 'em.

Yeah.

- I'll be set for life.
- Yep.

Weird to think I won't have any stake

in the company anymore.

I mean, I could still work here,

but if I don't own any part of it,

it wouldn't be the same.

Maybe I'll get back in the boating game.

You know, just get an -footer
and just, I don't know,

drift.

Did they change the Wi-Fi password?

Yeah, they changed the Wi-Fi password.

Everything's changing,
and it's too much, Jin.

It's, uh...

it's PayneOff ce , and the I is a one.

[upbeat music]

♪

Enzo Moretti? Cyrus Knight.

Chief design officer here at Payne.

I am so sorry
for how rude I was earlier.

With Franklin passing on,
it's been hard, you know,

and it's got me messed up.

I can understand.

I was close with Franklin as well.

- We had some good times.
- Yeah.

I can show you some photos.

Let's see. Um...

where are they?

No, that's a sketch I did
of our Turro.

Weird, my Franklin pics
should be up in here,

but they must have gotten mixed up

with all of my designs.

That's the Delanti.

Your linework feels European.

It kind of reminds me of Aston Martin.

That means a lot.
You know, Aston Martin has really had

a huge influence on me.

Okay, now I get why you were so excited

to talk to Jules earlier.

Yes, I was excited
to speak to Jules Durand

at Aston Martin.

[chuckles]

You know, you'd think, British company,

he'd have a British accent, right?

- Yeah.
- It's a weird world.

♪

Hey, so if we can't get
everyone to sell their shares,

there's no point in me
selling mine either, right?

You don't think everyone will sell?

Well, I mean,
I hope they do, but who knows.

You know, this company means
a lot to some people in my family,

and, you know, things would
have to be looking real bad

before they give it up.

Oh.

Excuse me just a second.

Excuse me, everyone,

before we head to the grave site,

I would like to raise a toast
to a giant in our industry.

To Franklin Payne.

All: To Franklin.

We owe so much to his leadership.

I do my best,

but do I have his poise, his vision?

I think we all know
the answer to that one.

- You don't.
- Okay.

Don't need your help, Jin. Thank you.

But he's right. I don't.

He was up here, and this is me.

And just for scale, this is the floor.

I mean, she's being modest.
She's doing a great job.

And she's getting better every day.

Oh, thank you, Wesley. I sure hope so.

I mean, I just hope
you still feel that way

next month when the Pika comes out

'cause, not gonna lie,
that is an ugly car.

It is a truly hideous vehicle.

It's nice to be appreciated.

But listen, even if our glory days

are behind us, even if
this ship is going down,

I promise you I will go down
with this sinking ship

because that is what Franklin
would have wanted.

To sinking with Franklin.

All: To Franklin.

- [clears throat]
- How'd I do?

- You're just so inspiring.
- Left it all on the field.

Franklin Payne touched so many lives,

and his loss
will be deeply felt by us all.

I think Grandpa would think
selling was the right call, right?

They're paying us so much more

than it's worth.

He'd be rolling over in his grave
if we didn't sell.

Yeah, and the Saudis seem chill.

These are good guys, I'm telling you.

So that whole toast
that I gave back there...

Oh, I know. Jin told me about the offer.

Oh, yeah,
I just didn't want you to think

I was actually incompetent.

- Uh-huh.
- [chuckles]

Thus, the dust shall return
to the earth as it was,

and his spirit shall return
unto God who gave it.

Gigolo, huh?

Please stop.

Do I owe you money?

Hey, you know, the detail on the casket

reminds me of a headlight design

that I think would accent
the grill on the Vantage F .

- Later.
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Shall return to God.

- Amen.
- Amen.

End of an era.

No, wait, stop, stop the funeral!

- [all gasping]
- What are you doing?

Guys, we can't sell.

Okay, we can't just shove Grandpa's body

into the ground and then sell off
everything he worked for.

Wesley, buddy, what are you doing here?

You're not seriously spiking
the sale right now, are you?

This is our heritage.

He wanted it for us,
not some sheiks in the Middle East.

So wait, so wait,
we're not selling our stock?

Jin, what if we just got
most of the shares?

I'm sorry. It's all or nothing.

Wesley, just think
about what you're doing.

I know, I know. I just...

- Ugh.
- Ah, sucks.

Well, everyone's really emotional.

[sighs] Please go ahead, Father.

Thank you.

And now let us say our final goodbye.

- Wait, stop, stop, stop.
- Are you serious?

Wesley, you're being emotional, honey.

I'll buy everyone out.

Okay, I'll match
what they were gonna pay.

Everyone wins.

You don't have that kind of money, man.

No, but I could get it.
I'll leverage my assets.

Or maybe some of us
could all go in together.

Who's in? Katherine, Sadie, Cyrus?

Uh, Father, maybe the Church?

- Come on, will you...
- Oh, wait, no!

I have a ton of money right here!

I got, like, million
worth of Bitcoin right here.

- You remembered the password?
- Not at the moment, no.

But it's all right here.

Guys, it's in my hand.

It's over. It's over.

It's over. It's over.

Let's finish it up please. Thank you.

You're doing a great job.
Please, let's just wrap it up.

Let us say our final goodbye
to Franklin Ferguson Payne...

It was something that always
made Grandpa laugh.

- What was it?
- The awesome power of God...

Oh, wait, awesome power,
"Austin Powers," that's it!

- Oh, do I make you horny, baby?
- What?

- [phone chirps]
- Oh, yeah!

I got million in crypto, baby!

Whoo! Uh, million.

Okay, market's moving. Down to .

Oh, up to ! [laughs]

Boom, I'm buying everyone out!
In your face, Landon!

USA, USA!

Now you can bury my grandfather.

- I call it the Delanti.
- It's a beautiful car.

I'll tell you what.

Call me Monday.

- We'll talk more.
- Thank you.

I would absolutely... Hey, Soren.

- Hello, Cyrus.
- No, thank you.

I'm loyal to Payne Motors,
and this is what I think

of you and your Ass-tin Martin cars.

I'm sorry it didn't work out.

It's just...
It's something I needed to do.

I understand.

Your Saudi bosses won't be too mad, Jin.

They're pretty easygoing, right?

I'll be okay.

Good luck to you guys.

Hey, now that Wesley
is the company's biggest shareholder,

he's kind of your boss now, isn't he?

[laughs]

Uh-huh, yeah.

- You're on thin ice, Hastings.
- Oh, oh, I better behave.

[laughter]

Yeah.