01x01 - Pilot

[bunniefuu]

["FEEL SO GOOD" PLAYING]

[PASSENGER] Awful weather today, huh?

Ugh. Hideous.

Can we turn the sun down, like, 20%

and get rid of the dolphins too?

- Way too cute.

- [CHUCKLES]

Happy birthday, baby.

Thank you.

So, what do you think of your new boat?

Good present?

I'll tell you when I

actually step foot on it.

[BOTH LAUGH]

[FOGHORN BLOWS]

[SONG CONTINUES]

Oh, my God. There she is!

I can't believe you're turning

45. You look incredible.

On the scale of ageless Jennifers,

you went from Aniston to Lopez.

Aw, you're the sweetest.

Now, I told Nicholas to fill this

thing with all your favorite stuff

no matter the cost.

- [CHUCKLES]

- Which was a lot.

- [LAUGHS]

- Ooh! Let me show you around.

This is the third deck bar.

We've got a beautiful

Meneghini refrigerator,

some handblown crystal stemware,

and heated stools for the

most important butt in my life.

[GASPS] You know what

we should get in here?

A full-time crepe chef.

- Love it. Genius. I'll get on it.

- Right?

And he could live on the boat.

I'll find one that's

going through a divorce.

John, what do you think?

Love crepes.

[SONG CONTINUES]

And as you can probably tell,

this is the smallest

pool on the entire ship.

I'm actually a little embarrassed

to have to show it to you.

No, it's cute.

[GASPS]

You know who this pool

will be perfect for?

The dogs.

Sweetie, do you think Mary-Kate

and Ashley would like this pool?

Yeah, uh, looks great.

Seriously, are you even listening?

Hmm? Uh, yeah.

Sorry, I-I'm just, um,

getting slammed here.

Okay, but it would be nice to

get your input at some point.

[SIGHS] You want my input?

Well, let's see. Uh [SIGHS]

What I would really love to see

would be whatever you wanna see.

This is your birthday gift.

I want it to be special

and perfect for you.

[CELL PHONE BUZZING]

Oh. [SIGHS] You f*cking kidding me?

I am so sorry, guys.

I have to go meet with

Hailey. It's an emergency.

They're sending the chopper.

Why don't you two just stay here?

You drink some champagne

and keep poking around.

Whatever you want, consider it donezo.

- Okay?

- Okay.

See you at the party.

["SHE DRIVES ME CRAZY" PLAYING]

[SONG CONTINUES, MUFFLED]

It looks amazing,

guys. Thank you so much.

[SONG CONTINUES, CLEAR]

Oh, my God, you guys made it! And

I can't wait to catch up with you.

Hey, how you guys doing?

Hi. Don't forget to tell

me about Denmark, okay? Hi.

Molly's birthday!

Hey, come find me later.

I'll give you a tour, okay?

Do you guys mind if I borrow this

particular beautiful woman right here

for a few minutes?

- [MOLLY CHUCKLES]

- [JOHN] All right.

Hey, I am so sorry that

I jetted off this morning.

Did you enjoy the rest of the boat?

How about this party, huh?

I mean, this is quite a birthday, right?

The boat is amazing.

The party is incredible.

There was just one other

thing I thought could be nice.

What is it?

What if we had dinner

alone? Just the two of us.

That's a great idea.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Tomorrow night?

I can even cook.

Spaghetti, microwave burrito,

the options are endless.

[CHUCKLES] That sounds amazing.

You Oh. No, sh*t.

I actually I have to go to Sweden.

That's tomorrow?

- Yeah.

- Well, what if I come with you?

Oh, no. You don't wanna do that.

It's just It's gonna be so boring.

It's, like, endless

meetings about finance

and international tax

law and you know?

Well, I can hang with that stuff.

Seriously, let's do it.

I will swing by Ikea in the morning,

learn some Swedish, and then we can go.

[LAUGHS] Okay.

- Get a love seat, maybe some meatballs?

- Sure.

[LAUGHS]

Hey. [SIGHS] Where's

this all coming from?

I don't know.

Remember back at the beginning?

We used to do everything together.

You'd stay up all night

in the garage coding,

and I would call back

all our angry customers.

- [CHUCKLES]

- Pay the bills you forgot about.

[JOHN CHUCKLES]

We were kinda like partners.

Well, we still are partners.

I'm only in Sweden for a

couple weeks and then Prague.

Then I'm back here, and

we can go have that dinner.

Just you and me, okay?

Okay.

- You got a spot on your tie.

- Oh.

I'll go get you a new one, okay?

Always looking out for me. I love it.

- Thank you, hon.

- Course.

[SONG CONTINUES]

[MOLLY] Hailey?

Molly. Uh, hey.

What are you doing in here?

I just noticed that John

had something on his tie,

so I was bringing him a new one.

How do you know where his ties are?

He told me he was gonna talk to you.

[JOHN] Thank you so much, everybody,

for being here with

us on this special day.

And uh, by the way, the

cash bar opens at 7:00

- [GUESTS LAUGH]

- okay? No, I'm just kidding.

Uh, drinks are on me.

I own four soccer teams.

Uh, listen, our good friend Seal is here

to sing a birthday song to Molly.

Seal, why don't you come on up here?

[MOLLY] Hailey?

In our house? In our bedroom?

Uh, Molly, you know what? I can explain.

She's a f*cking child.

What is wrong with you?

[STAMMERS] Was she even born

when we graduated college?

Actually, she was one.

Oh, very cool.

Was this going on when we

renewed our vows in the Bahamas?

The new ring?

Michael Bolton singing to me?

- Michael Bolton?

- Shut up, Seal!

Uh, Molly, how about we talk in private?

I have been by your side for 20 years!

I had sex with you when

you had your weird body

- Okay.

- before you fixed it with money.

I want a divorce.

Don't ever speak to me again!

[JOHN] Okay. Don't worry, everybody,

everything's gonna be

Everything's gonna be fine.

Molly.

- [MOLLY] f*ck you!

- [JOHN] Molly.

Molly, please, just let me explain.

Shut the f*ck up!

- g*dd*mn it!

- Honey

- [FINGERPRINT SCANNER BEEPS]

- Just come back inside. We'll talk.

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

Bartosz, this is a stick.

How do you use a clutch?

[STAMMERS] It's hard to

describe. It's more of a feeling.

You know what? f*ck it.

[JOHN] g*dd*mn it, Bartosz.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

["(YOUR LOVE HAS LIFTED ME)

HIGHER AND HIGHER" PLAYING]

[EXHALES HEAVILY]

[SONG CONTINUES]

Lawyers today announce the

official dissolution of the marriage

of tech CEO John Novak and his wife

eight months after

accusations of infidelity.

Without a prenuptial agreement,

Molly Novak's net worth

is now $87 billion,

making her the third-wealthiest

woman in the country.

- [BOTH LAUGHING]

- Trading some man for 90 bill.

I'd take it. That's

a lot of shoes, honey.

Let's not diminish

what she's gone through.

I don't care how much she's got.

Money alone can't buy you happiness.

- Well, it helps.

- It helps.

- Am I right? It helps.

- Maybe a little, just a little.

- Helps a lot. [LAUGHING]

- Stop it. [LAUGHING]

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Whoo! I feel so happy!

That's the dr*gs!

I see why they're so popular!

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Whoo!

I think I wanna dye my hair.

- I love that.

- Right?

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, my God, it's Sting.

I'm gonna go say hi.

- You do that. I'll get us more drinks.

- 'Kay.

Sting!

Hey, Sting. What's up?

Oh, uh, I'm actually not Sting.

Sting, it's okay.

Molly Novak. You might

have seen me on TV.

Eighty-seven billion.

I I do recognize you, but

I I'm just a waiter here.

Ooh. I like that you're role-playing

as a waiter tonight, Sting.

You're so funny.

We have the same hair color

now. Let's get a photo.

- Oh, my God.

- Say "Sting."

- Sting.

- Oh, my God. Look at us.

- Wait, I need a better angle. Hold on.

- How's that?

- Is that better?

- Just hold on to me. Sting!

f*ck!

[SIGHS]

Got some dinner ready for you.

You okay?

[SIGHS]

Why did this happen to me?

Is it because I didn't

get preventative Botox?

Don't be crazy, okay?

You look beautiful. You're a goddess.

You have the best skin

of any human being alive.

You should be having sex with

all three members of Migos.

I don't know who that is, but thank you.

I've been playing it

over and over in my head.

And I just keep thinking, "Should

I have done things differently?

Or was I always meant to lose

out to a 25-year-old vag*na?"

Stop. Don't blame yourself.

It's It's straight

guys. They're idiots.

There's an entire channel devoted

to fishing because of them.

I just You always hear

about stuff like this happening.

You never think it's

gonna happen to you.

["LIGHT GIANTS" PLAYING]

[MOLLY CRIES]

- [SNIFFLING]

- [SONG FADES]

[CRYING]

[CELL PHONE BUZZING]

- Hello?

- Molly Novak?

Um Yeah, this is she.

This is Sofia Salinas.

I'm the executive director

of your foundation.

- My what?

- Your charity foundation.

You and your husband

started it seven years ago.

I was wondering if you wouldn't

mind coming into the office tomorrow.

I have an office?

Yes. It's a fairly

important conversation.

I would love to have it in person.

Okay, sure.

Great. How's 9:00 a.m.?

Oh, uh, can we say 11:00?

You have something at 9:00?

Yes, I'll be asleep.

I really would prefer 9:00.

Thank you very much, Miss Novak.

Okay, thank you No, you

know what? Can we say 10:00?

She hung up.

No. That can't be who I think it is.

Cousin Molly, come in

here, girl! [CHUCKLES]

- Oh.

- Give me a hug.

Ooh, it's so good to see you!

Hi, there.

Howard?

My Aunt Patty is your mom's

cousin? Little Wee-wee.

Of course!

- Howard! Little Wee-wee.

- Mm-hmm.

It's been a long time!

- I'm guessing we got you a job here.

- Damn straight you did.

I used to work at this

comic book store/vape shop,

but now I run the

computers here or whatever.

Come on. Let me show you around.

- Great.

- Come. Follow me.

So, the kitchen's down there.

And you better get here

early if you want a muffin.

- Okay.

- My desk is right here.

And this is Arthur, my

boring, white cubicle mate.

[SIGHS] Hi. It's so nice to meet you.

- [MOLLY] Nice to meet you.

- I'm the accountant here.

Oh. We probably need one of those.

- If you say so.

- Great.

Sorry. I d I don't mean to stare.

It's just wild seeing you in person.

I'm not used to meeting

celebrities, so

Oh, no. I'm I'm not

a celebrity. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, yes, you are.

You're like the most famous

cheated-on woman on the planet.

And I need you to know,

Black Twitter has your back.

Oh. That's nice.

White Facebook is also very supportive.

Sorry, that sounds like I'm on

white supremacy groups. I'm not.

My aunt does send me some pretty

bad stuff that's very troubling

You know what? I'm

gonna cut it off there.

- You know, I have to run to a meeting.

- Yes. That sounds great.

Knock, knock. Hi.

Oh, hello.

- Sofia Salinas.

- Hi. Molly. So nice to meet you.

- Thank you for coming in.

- Yeah.

Oh, that's my name.

What are they thanking me for?

Oh, I'm really proud

of that after-school

program we funded for at-risk kids.

What are they at risk for?

Being too damn cute? [CHUCKLES]

No, g*ng v*olence.

Right. Right.

Well, you guys do a lot

of stuff like this, huh?

Yes. Uh, we funnel your money

to different charities

in Southern California,

give them the resources

they need to do good work,

and try to draw attention

to people in need.

Well, those two look really

messed up. I hope we help them.

Those are my grandparents.

And they're beautiful.

So, uh, tomorrow we have

a ribbon-cutting ceremony

for a new shelter downtown that

we've been working on for years.

And that's actually the

reason I called you in today.

To remind you that your behavior

does reflect on us as an organization,

which makes our job harder.

And what, exactly, do

you mean by my "behavior"?

Look, I'm not trying to shame

a girl for having a good time,

especially after what

happened. You do you.

But you can't go

traveling around the world,

getting on the news for falling

into swimming pools. [CHUCKLES]

Lots of people fall into

swimming pools all the time.

Yeah, but they don't then get out

and try to give the waiter a lap dance.

In my defense, I really

did think it was Sting.

They have the same hairline

when you're on dr*gs.

Okay, look. Our reputation

here is very important to me

because lives are literally at stake.

Wow, you really take

this seriously, don't you?

Yeah, well, I kinda spent my

whole life doing it. So, yes.

I admire that.

And you won't have any

more problems from me.

- That's all in the past. So

- Okay.

- It was great to meet you. And thank you

- Of course.

- for all that you do.

- Oh, thank you.

["DOO WOP (THAT THING)" PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

[SONG FADES]

Tonight, for your first course,

I've made foie gras with lychee,

pine nut, and Riesling gelée.

Thank you, David Chang.

Hey, this is a weird question,

but you're a successful guy.

Do you do any sort of charity

work or anything like that?

Yeah, I work with a few

charities in the food space.

See, that makes sense. That's

something you're passionate about.

Yeah, it's tough to find the

time, with all my restaurants

and my product lines and my job here.

- But it's good for the soul.

- Hmm.

Yeah, I get that.

Mmm. Wow. That's amazing.

Oh, but you know what

I could really go for?

A microwave bean and cheese burrito.

I'll go heat that up for you.

With Pringles on the side.

Thanks, David Chang!

What in the hell?

Hi, there! I decided to come.

Uh, what are all these cars for?

So we can go to the

ribbon-cutting in style.

Okay. W-We talked

about optics yesterday,

and I don't think it's a good idea

to show up to a shelter

for unhoused people

in a fleet of $100,000 SUVs

that are absolutely

terrible for the environment.

- [SIGHS] Good call.

- [SOFIA] Mmm.

All right, let me fix this.

[TAPPING]

And sent.

- Okay, we're good. Get in.

- What did you just do?

I gave $10,000 to Greenpeace.

That should even it out, right?

What? No. [STAMMERS]

That's not how this works.

Let's roll!

Holy sh*t.

You ride with her.

Oh, wow, look at this.

Individual temperature controls. Huh.

That's pretty great. You

can be 71, and I can be 68.

What a dream that is, right?

Yeah, it's good. [CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS] Aw.

Thank you again for, uh,

getting us these cars.

Oh! Please, it's the least

I could do for our team.

Mmm.

You've been with us for for

Twenty-eight years.

No, I'm just kidding. [CHUCKLES]

It's just been a few years.

- [CHUCKLES]

- Um, I was at a big firm before.

And then after my divorce,

I wanted better hours to spend

more time with my daughter.

- Oh, that's really sweet.

- Yeah.

I bet you're her hero now.

- No. No, not at all. She hates me.

- Oh.

[CHUCKLES] Her new nickname

for me is Mitt Romney.

- What?

- I know.

It's extremely offensive.

I'm very liberal.

I follow the Squad on Facebook.

- [LAUGHS]

- Right? So, that's something.

Well, I mean, maybe she's

just going through a phase.

You know, she could still

be processing the divorce.

Yes. No, you're right.

It It took me a few

years to recover myself.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

Yeah, I went to a pretty dark place.

- I bought a djembe, and I took lessons.

- Oh, Jesus.

It's like a big bongo drum.

- That's what that is?

- Yeah.

Wow. I guess I'm doing really

good in comparison. [LAUGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

Well, it took me a while,

but I finally realized

I couldn't control

my ex-wife's behavior.

I could only control

how I respond to it.

- Hmm.

- [ARTHUR] Mmm.

Well, I'll tell you what I can control.

The temperature in this car.

And Mama's goin' down to 66.

- Are you with me, Mitt?

- I Wow.

- We have a wild one on our hands.

- [CHUCKLES]

- Yes, take me with you.

- Let's do it. Whoo!

Wow. I can't believe there are

so many people here. [CHUCKLES]

Yeah, I had Nicholas float

that I was coming down.

- Oh.

- I mean, people are going to follow me

no matter where I'm going,

so I figured I might as well

use it to help you guys out.

That's actually not

a bad idea. Thank you.

No problem.

[INHALES DEEPLY] Okay,

I'm ready for my speech.

Wait, you're not

scheduled to do a speech.

- What is up, Los Angeles?

- [CROWD CHEERS, APPLAUDS]

[MOLLY] Hi. Oh.

Oh, thank you. We are so

proud to open up this shelter.

Um, it took a lot of hard work

from a lot of dedicated

and wonderful people.

And I just want to applaud them

and all the brave women who

are here with us today, so

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

Yes! You guys!

What defines a home really?

Is it just four walls and a roof?

Or is it something more than that?

I can tell you that for me,

home is where my wine fridge is.

Now, I've personally

never been unhoused,

but there was one summer

where they were doing

construction on our New York home,

and I had to stay at The Plaza.

At the end of those three weeks,

I felt like I was

getting out of Shawshank.

[CHUCKLES]

Now, the shelter will offer

physical and mental wellness checks.

And I'll give you the

diagnosis right now.

You're batshit crazy if you don't

take advantage of that. [LAUGHS]

[CLEARS THROAT] But But if

you are crazy, we're here for you.

Now, before we officially open things,

I have a little surprise for everyone.

So last night I decided to personally

curate a grab bag of

absolutely essential,

must-have items that I think

no woman can live without.

So, go ahead and open your bags.

Everybody, please enjoy, and

thank you so much for coming.

God, we are so f*cked.

A disaster at a charity

ribbon-cutting earlier today.

Billionaire Molly Novak

gave out luxury gift bags

while delivering a

rambling, incoherent speech

that many are calling out of

touch and extremely offensive.

All the sheltered ladies ♪

All the sheltered ladies ♪

All the sheltered ladies ♪

All the sheltered ladies ♪

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

Critics say this is an

embarrassing black eye

for the charity led by the country's

newly minted third-richest woman.

[SCOFFS] Please.

They're overreacting.

This coverage is so skewed.

Mm-hmm. You're being treated unfairly.

I mean, these candles are dope.

This whole room smells

like clean white women.

Excuse me, Molly. Can I

speak with you in my office?

Yes, of course.

I'm sensing you're a little mad,

but there's actually

some incense in the bag

that will really help with that.

You know what? I'm gonna ask

you something politely right now.

Find something else.

Start a handbag line. Join a book club.

Go to space. Anything.

Okay, maybe I didn't nail

it on what I put in the bags,

but my heart was in the right place.

You're not taking this seriously.

And let's be honest,

you only showed up today

because you got divorced.

So you have this hole inside of

you, and you're trying to fill it.

You're not totally wrong. [CHUCKLES]

There is a hole inside of me.

But I think

it's been there for a long time,

since way before the divorce.

I just got swept up

in my husband's life.

Everything was him, him, him, and

[SIGHS]

I never did the

work to find out who I am

or who I am supposed to be.

But I'm doing that now.

And

it's really, really scary.

I'm sorry. I don't really

care about any of that.

Wow. When I said that to Oprah,

she gave me one of the

biggest hugs of my life.

You know what? You have your

trauma, and I respect that,

but I'm not here to be your therapist.

We're here to help as

many people as we can

in the short time we have on this earth.

That's all I care about.

We're on the same team here.

All I wanna do is keep

coming in. That's it.

I'm totally committed.

I won't let you down.

[SIGHS] Fine.

And now that I think about

it, was there any world

where you could've stopped me from

coming in if that's what I wanted?

- No, of course not.

- Right.

You're just incredibly intimidating.

Thank you. I know.

["FREE" PLAYING]

[SONG CONTINUES]