01x01 - Dusty

[bunniefuu]

[STORE OWNER] What are you waiting for?

Give it a whirl.

- ♪ Happy Birthday... ♪
- ♪ Happy Birthday... ♪

Hold on a second. Who's...

- ♪ ... Dusty ♪
- ♪ ... Dad ♪

- ♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
- ♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪

- Aah! I got 'em all.
- Yay!

Aw, what did you wish for?

I totally forgot to do it.

- [CASS SCOFFS]
- You didn't make a wish?

Hey, with a family like
this, what else could I need?

- Aw.
- That's f*cking dumb.

So you want me to return
your presents now?

[GASPS] I got presents? Get 'em!

Let's move this along.

- [GASPS] Oh! Original trail mix.
- Wow.

A new headlamp!

Batteries.

- [GASPS] That's better.
- Okay, honey.

[HUMMING] Oh, what's in here?
What are you eating? [CHUCKLES]

Aah. [CHUCKLES] A shirt that's
funny and also makes me feel bad.

I'm really proud of it.

Four dollars...

- stapled together.
- Love you, Dad.

- [VOCALIZING]
- A scooter! Shut up!

Oh, my God, yeah. That is the perfect
gift for a fully grown adult man!

And look, it even
comes with a camo helmet

because you're practically m*llitary
now that you drive a scooter.

- Kinda.
- Okay. You can go to school now.

Thank you.

- Thank you.
- Happy birthday.

Thank you, Tri.

- [GASPS] Look at this! You are amazing.
- Look at... [LAUGHS] ... You're just so cute.

You're gonna be amazing on
it. I can't wait to see you.

Oh, I'm gonna sit with
it. Get used to it.

- Okay. [LAUGHS]
- [DUSTY CHUCKLES]

Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]

This is a surprise! [GIGGLES]

Oh.

- Too much.
- All right.

Ready?

[INHALES SHARPLY]

Ooh. Wow. Look at that.

It's... It's a... It's a... a... a...

It's a theremin.

- A theremin.
- Yeah, yeah.

It's this old-timey musical instrument
that uses electromagnetic waves.

- You don't even have to touch it.
- Oh.

- Did I ask for that?
- No.

- No.
- [CHUCKLES]

Just figured you might like it.
You know, because you're so musical.

You're always whistling.

Are you surprised?

[SCOFFS] You've outdone
yourself, darling.

Yay. And you know that's not it, right?

It wouldn't be your birthday

if I didn't have another
little surprise for you

when you get home tonight.

- Oh, my goodness.
- Mm-hmm.

Cassandra Hubbard,
it's not even Thursday.

Oh, I know.

["YEAH" PLAYING]

[MUSIC STOPS]

[VOCALIZES]

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Whoo... [CHUCKLES] ... sh*t.

[MUSIC RESUMES]

[WHISTLING]

[MUSIC ENDS]

Hey! Morning, Izzy.

Ooh, I think you mean, ''Good
morning, Mayor Fontaine.''

That is what I meant.
Thank you for correcting me.

Dusty! I see you got a new hog.

- Oh, she's a sweet ride.
- Yeah. [CHUCKLES]

All she needs is a bit of rocket fuel.

- Okay.
- Two milks, one sugar, please.

It's on the house, birthday boy.

Oh, my secret's out. [CHUCKLES]

I'm turning .

- I see you noticed my new toy.
- [GASPS]

Believe it or not, for the
two bucks you saved on coffee,

that thing will tell you
your life's potential.

Is that right? [CHUCKLES]
Where'd you get it?

No idea.

Jacob was manning the store
when it arrived on Friday.

But, um, a lot of people
used it over the weekend,

and, uh, it seems to be good for
business, so I'm not asking questions.

What do you think, Mr. Malik?

Best two bucks you ever spent?

[DUSTY CLEARS THROAT]

Jimbo!

Morning, Larry. Morning, Lisa!

[WHISTLES]

Hey, Jamie! Hey, Jamie C!

Hi, Jasmine. Ooh, new hair, I like it.

[GRUNTS]

Hi.

Hi. How you doing?

Hiya. [GRUNTS]

- Hey, Josh.
- Hey, nice scooter, birthday boy!

Thank you. You can borrow it!

- I'ma hold you to that.
- Maybe.

- Hey, what's happening?
- Mr. Hubbard! Ay, check it out.

Guess who's gonna be your
next great "Meteorologist."

Aah, I see someone's
been to Mr. Johnson's.

What... Axel, is that
your life potential?

That's right. And
according to the MORPHO,

I'm gonna be building
your rocket ships one day.

That's not even close to
what a meteorologist is.

He probably just made the card himself.

- Aha! Boom.
- W-Wha... No!

[DUSTY] You see, who
needs a silly machine?

Savannah just proved her
potential as a criminal prosecutor.

No, no, no. Jacob! Jacob
was there. He saw me do it.

Jake. Jake, come on. Back... Back me up.

I think it's bullshit.

- All right.
- [SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

Well, let's check our language
and open our textbooks.

I believe we were discussing
the wives of Henry VIII.

Let's try and get through them
a little quicker than he did.

He got through them pretty
quick. Doesn't make sense.

[DUSTY] I like it. No.

So, if... If you wanna know
if it's gonna rain tomorrow,

all you gotta do is call up my
worst student, Axel. [CHUCKLES]

[CASS CHUCKLES] Maybe I will, okay?

I mean, who knows?

Maybe this will inspire
Axel to actually...

What? To become a meteorologist?

Or just believe in himself.

You know, Nat, she got
''Storyteller'' on her card

and said it felt like
someone reached into her soul

and articulated her secret dream.

I don't think you're allowed
to call it a secret dream

if you constantly tell
people you're a storyteller.

- [GIGGLES]
- The woman just likes to gossip.

Okay, yes, but how does
the machine know that?

Well, it's clearly a scam.

You're only hearing about it from
people who got a good life potential.

- Ah.
- Nobody's gonna tell you if they got

"Third Best Garbageperson in Deerfield."

Oh. That's what you got, isn't it?

What about you?

What do you think your
life potential would be?

[STAFF MEMBERS] ♪ Happy, happy celebration ♪
♪ It's your special day ♪

♪ We're so glad you came and
brought your family today ♪

♪ At Giorgio's Italian Restaurant
and sports center ♪

♪ You'll always be
in the happiest mood ♪

♪ 'Cause we bring endless
fun and endless foods ♪

- [CASS] Yay!
- [DUSTY] Mmm.

Oh, that was really nice.
That was really ni...

It just... It didn't feel like
the entire staff was singing.

I understand that, yeah. It feels
like this little section here.

- This section avoiding eye contact.
- So quiet.

Why did you have to come here?

Oh, we came for the ''endless fun

- and the endless foods.''
- Endless foods.

All right. Back to work, people.

Oh, she doesn't know
that we're her parents.

Oh, you don't recognize
it's your mum and your dad.

[CASS] From your house!

- [DUSTY] We made you!
- Yeah! Trina!

We love you!

- Hey, hey, hey. What can I say?
- Hey!

It's hard to find good help these days.

Must be something in her genes,

and I know it's not coming from Cass,

so I'm looking over here! [LAUGHS]

[CHUCKLES] Okay, Giorgio.

I'm just kidding. I'm kidding.

We're having fun. We're
having a little bit of fun.

Kid's got potential.

Speaking of, you two
tried this MORPHO machine?

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, we were just talking about that.

You wanna know what I got?

''Superstar.''

- [CASS] Oh.
- Is that spooky or what?

- I was legitimately spooked.
- [CHUCKLES] Mmm.

- Mmm. That's spooky as sh*t.
- That is scary.

I don't know if you two remember,

but I was the first
Italian-American goalie

in New York Rangers history.

And the youngest.

- How would we not remember that?
- It's printed on the menu.

I was brimming with potential

until I suffered a permanent
injury to my catching hand

- while I was dead-lifting over pounds.
- Yeah, yeah, we know the story.

- How much were you lifting though?
- But if it wasn't for that, I guess,

- I wouldn't have this place...
- Hey.

... which is also a lifelong dream.

Yeah, so, I guess, as that
spooky machine can attest,

''Superstar'' can mean a lot
of different things, Big D.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [LAUGHS] Dusty won't try it.

Really?

What? Why not, bro?

You don't have something
you always wanted to be?

Some secret ambition or talent?

Ooh. Dusty is a really good whistler.

Among other secret talents.

A good whistler. Wow.

Cass is a lucky woman.

And you, my friend,
are a very lucky man.

I've been saying this since high school.

To end up with this one?

Maybe that's your life potential,
''World's Luckiest Man.''

- What do you think?
- Uh. Yeah. [CHUCKLES]

I think I have everything I ever wanted.

Maybe you didn't want enough.

Enjoy your night, you two.

- Hey, play some of the games, okay?
- [CASS] Mm-hmm.

- Get it now, babe. Whoo!
- Yeah, yeah. Every time.

- sh*t! Watch out.
- Oh!

- I think it's the form. You hot?
- [PANTS] I need to let loose here.

- Yeah, it's too restrictive.
- Yeah, yeah. Let loose, babe.

- Oh!
- Oh, babe!

- No, I'm all right. [GROANS]
- Aw. Zero points.

[GROANS]

- [GRUNTS] f*ck.
- [CUSTOMER] Ooh!

[PANTS]

- Is that... Is this all you got?
- [SIGHING] Yes.

Yeah. I think there might have been
something wrong with your machines.

- It's broken. It was broken.
- Definitely.

Congratulations. You won a pencil.

- [SIGHING] Thank you.
- [CHUCKLES]

I feel really special.

- [MOANING]
- [KISSING, BREATHING HEAVILY]

You know, maybe I've got
more than one hidden talent.

- [CHUCKLES]
- You ever thought about that?

[MOANS] A couple times,
I've thought about it.

- Mmm.
- [CHUCKLES] What about me?

Oh, you? You were amazing.

[CHUCKLES] Best you've ever had?

You're the only one
I've ever had. So, yes.

[DUSTY WHISTLING]

Dusty?

You think you can f*ck me again?

[WHISTLING STOPS]

What was that?

You think you can f*ck me again?

Definitely I can.

- Yeah? Hmm.
- Yeah.

You... You want me to... [STAMMERS] ...

You mean like before, but just again?

- Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
- Oh.

- That's new.
[CHUCKLES] - Uh-huh.

You mean, like, right now?

I mean, if you can.

I definitely can, yeah.

- Yeah?
- Yeah. I can get that done for you, baby.

- Okay. I got you.
- Yeah. Yeah.

- Just relax, baby.
- Mmm.

- [KISSING] Mm-hmm.
- [MOANS]

Mmm.

You know what, I actually don't
know if I can right this minute.

- Oh. Okay.
- I'm sorry. It's just...

- I had that second piña colada.
- It's okay.

And part of me thought it
might have been a nightcap.

It's okay. I was just
kidding. [CHUCKLES]

- [SIGHS]
- Yeah, 'cause we just did it.

[CASS WHISTLING]

Cass?

You can whistle?

[SIGHS, SCOFFS] Yeah.

[WHISTLING CONTINUES]

[SIGHS]

What the f*ck?

Who you texting?

Oh. No, I wasn't... I wasn't.

I was just, uh, waiting for breakfast.

Hmm.

[CASS] Sorry. No more pancakes.

Your special day is over.

[PRINCIPAL PAT LAUGHING]
It's not like I'ma join a biker g*ng,

you know? But let me tell you something.

Ever since I was a little
girl, I always wanted to ride.

So if nothing else,

maybe this machine is letting me know

that maybe I wasn't so crazy. [LAUGHS]

Or maybe I am! [CHUCKLES]

I just blew my whole retirement fund
on a brand new Harley. [LAUGHING]

Look at Father Reuben,

he's like, "Principal Pat, you're
a crazy m*therf*cker!" [LAUGHS]

Is that what you're thinking, Father?

All right, look. I think it's natural

to, uh, wanna believe in something
that might be too good to be true.

Uh, like, when Dawn Caswell said

she saw the face of
God in her hydrangeas.

But, like I said to Dawn,

what were you looking for?

Oh. Don't worry. [STRAINS]

I was third on my team
in rebounds, so... [BLOWS]

[NARRATOR IN DOCUMENTARY]
A crowd of onlookers gathers

to watch the Queen Mary named
at the commission of George V

after the kingdom's
greatest... [INDISTINCT]

At Westminster Abbey,

an even larger crowd
witnesses the coronation

of George VI and
his wife Elizabeth,

as king and queen of the United Kingdom

and the Dominions of
British Commonwealth

and as emperor and empress of India...

- [STUDENTS LAUGHING]
- Shh.

[NARRATOR IN DOCUMENTARY]
... ascended the throne

upon the abdication of
his brother, Edward.

Jacob! J-Pop! Wait up.

[GRUNTING] Hey.

- Mr. Hubbard. Um. How was your birthday?
- [PANTS]

Oh, yeah. It was, uh, it was
pretty shakin'. Shakin' jams.

I don't think that's an expression.

Anyway, I just wanted to say, um,

we've got a lecture
coming up on Henry I,

and if you wanted to, you know,
sit it out, that's totally fine.

You... [STAMMERS]... It... It
involves brother-on-brother v*olence.

So, I was just a bit concerned
it might be triggering for you.

Well, I don't think it will be,

you know, since I
didn't k*ll my brother.

And he also wasn't a king, so...

Good points. Well-spotted.

And also, I wanted to say that, um,

even though people aren't talking
about what happened to Kolton,

it doesn't mean that
everyone's forgotten.

Hope you know that.

I can't imagine what
you're going through

and juggling all of that
and coming back to school

and your job at Johnson's.

Yeah.

That must've been weird,

when you were working
your shift the other day

and this frigging
MORPHO machine turns up.

- I don't wanna talk about the MORPHO.
- No, me neither. No, me neither.

Don't... Everybody's like,
''Oh, where did it come from?''

"Who cares!"

Not me. I couldn't give two hoots.

I couldn't give one hoot.

I'm surprised Mr. Johnson
doesn't care, though.

If I'm honest, it feels strange.

I feel like if five pinball
machines turned up in his store,

he'd wanna know where they came from.

I don't know, Mr. Hubbard, you know.

No, nobody seems to know.

- I should really get back to class. So...
- Yeah. No, same. Totally.

Hey, how did you know it
was my b-day, by the way?

Uh, Trina told me.

Oh, are you two in classes
together this semester?

Well, I mean, she dropped
most of her classes, so... no.

That's right. She dropped
most of her classes.

I think we need to talk about Trina.

Are you aware that she's been
dropping most of her classes?

- That's not ideal, is it?
- Dusty, come on.

She's been through a lot.

I know. I know that.
I just... [STAMMERS]

I don't want her taking advantage
of the situation, or whatever.

- Taking advantage?
- Well, yeah,

if it's gonna affect her down the line.

This is a really important year for her.

Okay, uh...

You don't want her to take advantage
of the fact her boyfriend d*ed?

Is that what you think she's doing?

No. I don't know what she's doing.

I mean, she used to
share everything with us.

And now I feel like I
don't know anything anymore.

Well, what's wrong with that?

I mean, maybe you don't need to know

everything that's
going on with everyone.

You know, maybe people want some
things that are, like, just for them.

That's a weird and upsetting
thing to say. You all right?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

'Cause you seem a little off.

- Off? [SCOFFS] I seem off?
- Not "off" off, just...

- What is that? [CHUCKLES]
- Not off. Not off, just, uh, not on.

Oh.

- Is it about this machine?
- No.

Did you use it?

No.

- Are you unhappy?
- What does that even mean?

Are you unhappy in this life?

Can you, um, put your
stuff away, please?

I wanna use my heat-press. And I
just, like, need space. [CHUCKLES]

Okay.

[CHUCKLES]

- [SWITCH CLICKS]
- [WHIRRING]

[THEREMIN BUZZES, CRACKLES]

[ELECTRONIC HUMMING]

[HI-PITCHED WAVERING TONE]

[PITCH RISES, FALLS]

[DUSTY] The study of history
is the study of change.

We investigate not only what
happened, but when it happened,

where it happened, and why it happened.

Castles are built,
battles are fought...

governments and laws are overturned.

But nothing happens overnight.

Tensions simmer and boil.

Conflicts ebb and flow, the
tide is gradually turned.

And what might have seemed like
a sudden, and shocking change,

through the lens of history...

seems all but inevitable.

[LAUGHS] You're late for class! [LAUGHS]

[CHATTERING]

[ALARM BLARING]

Hey, hey.

- [BREATHES HEAVILY]
- What are you doing?

Dude, why don't you just open it
up, so we can see how you did it?

You think I could make this
thing? I can barely use my phone.

Nobody touches it, okay?

You want a refund?

Here's your refund.

[ARSON KID] How did you do that?

I have been saving my childhood
magic books my whole life.

Until I used this machine...

... I never knew why.

[CUSTOMERS CHATTERING]

Now, who wants to go next?

[CLAMORING]

[DUSTY] No one who changed history

needed a little blue envelope
to tell them what to do.

They made mission statements,
and they believed in themselves.

They worked hard in the
steady pursuit of their goals,

and they took control.

They didn't throw everything away

and just put all of their faith
in some random outside force.

[AXEL] Excuse me, Mr. Hubbard.

[STAMMERS] I don't mean to interrupt,
but where you going with this?

Yeah, it's kinda weird that
you've, like, written this down.

[GIGGLES] It's called a lecture.

I, um... I'm gonna tell you
where I'm going with this.

I want everybody to pull out paper.

Can you do that for me?

We're gonna, uh, write two things on it.

On one side, I want
you to write, "I am,"

and on the other, "I will be."

You're going to decide your
own life potential, folks.

What are you now? What are you gonna be?

Well, what about you, Mr.
Hubbard? What are you gonna be?

Dusty Hubbard.

It's been a while since I've seen
you in here. What can I get ya?

Uh, something hard. [SIGHS]

No, a beer.

- All right.
- [WHISTLES]

Hey, Father.

What are you doing?
Confessions over there?

- Ah. [CHUCKLES]
- [LAUGHING]

Bottoms up to ya.

- Mmm. That's good.
- [CHUCKLES]

What percent is that?

- Of alcohol?
- Mm-hmm.

- It's probably a ..
- Mmm.

It's good. It's hoppy.

It shouldn't be.

Oh.

Hang on.

Uh, Father, I do, actually,

have a little bit of a
confession, if you don't mind?

- You can come... [CHUCKLES] ... No.
- [SIGHS] I'm just sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm-I'm sure you don't wanna talk shop.

I have a student who has
started developing some...

some weird blue marks
on his, um... rectum?

- On his rectum?
- I don't know the medical term.

Anus-cheek. Whatever.

- Mmm.
- Anyway, I wondered what you might advise?

Well, first I would advise your student

not to show his ass or
his rectum to his teachers.

He didn't show me his ass.

He just described it for me.

No, that's not...

I'm gonna be honest with you, Father.

It's my own ass that I'm talking about.

- Mmm.
- So...

Well, in that case, I would
advise you to see a doctor.

[CHUCKLES] Well, no, I would, of course,

except, the only doctor in
Deerfield happens to be my mother.

I don't know if I'm in the right place

to reintroduce my
mother to my bare bottom.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Hey.

Sorry, just gotta clear plates here.

Get this out of the way.

- Thank you, Hana.
- Yummy beer. Mmm.

You know, Dusty, I'm-I'm
kinda off the clock right now,

so if it's a medical concern, you s...

- It's not just a medical concern.
- Mmm.

[SIGHS] It's about this stupid
machine at Johnson's store.

I'm sorry. I don't know why
it's bothering me so much.

It's not like I really believe
there's a magical machine

that can tell people
what they're capable of.

But, come on, I mean,
literally, everyone is trying it.

- Um, not everyone is trying it.
- Well, okay, not everyone is trying it.

But you know what I mean.
Everyone who is trying it

seems to be making some pretty
drastic life changes because of it.

- It's weird. [CHUCKLES]
- Mmm.

I just feel like I've already
done my big life change.

When my mother brought us from Ireland,

it took a bit of getting used to,

but I got used to it, and now I
just want to enjoy it. [LAUGHS]

This was it. This was...

This was the next
chapter in my life story.

So, you think a book
only has two chapters?

- Uh, no, no. Not good books, anyway.
- [CHUCKLES]

- [GROANS]
- [STAMMERS, SIGHS]

But what happens next, then?

- I'm years old.
- Mmm.

Weird sh*t has started
appearing on my body.

I could just drop dead at any minute.

I have no discernible
talents, other than whistling.

And I've only ever been
in one relationship.

Mmm. Yeah, me too.

- Uh, with God. [CHUCKLES]
- Ah. Right.

You know what Kierkegaard
says about anxiety, Dusty?

Yeah, yeah. But I'd-I'd
love to hear your take on it.

He says that anxiety
came before original sin.

When God told Adam not to eat
the apple, Adam felt anxiety,

because he realized, for the first
time, there was another option.

He realized he had a choice.

And this machine...

I mean, whether it's magic or not,

is reminding people that our lives
have more than one possible path.

Which is scary. [CHUCKLES]

The same way as it's scary to
walk to the edge of a cliff.

Because you already know that you
could stay exactly where you are,

or you could...

throw yourself off
into the deep unknown.

And you know it's up to you.

- Good old Kierkegaard.
- [CHUCKLES]

["SHE'S A MYSTERY TO ME" PLAYING]

What are you waiting for?

Give it a whirl.

[MACHINE CHIRPS, WHIRS, BEEPS]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[SIGHS]

[INHALES SHARPLY]

[MACHINE BEEPS]

[SIGHS]

Is it good?

Are you happy?

f*ck it!

I mean, f*ck it.

Dusty?

Are you okay?

I will be.

[SIGHS]

["GOLD" PLAYING]