What happened to my world
Where did all
the beautiful go
Why does life have to hurt
And do I really wanna know
What happened to my world
What happened to the time
Did every moment
just slip away
I thought happiness was mine
I guess that's
just an old cliche
What happened to the time
- Is that the guy?
- Does he look like a plastic
surgeon to you, dipstick?
- [Detective Dave]
This is candy ass.
- Yeah, we don't even have
any hard evidence yet.
No, this.
Us.
Doing a stakeout?
Like we don't know
we're being sidelined.
- You know what, don't blame me.
You're the one who
flapped your cocksuck
at Captain
Brick-Up-His-Ass, okay?
- Okay, his wife had two legs
and then shows up to
a cookout with one.
Am I not supposed to comment?
- Generally speaking, no.
You know you're not.
(mellow music)
(water splashing)
- Jesus.
- Do you have my numbers?
- Can't it wait till I finish?
- The f*ck is taking so long?
- [Andy] Dr. Shifflett.
It takes time to set up the
accounts in a way that's-
- That's, that's, that.
- That's what?
I can't.
- That makes sense.
What I do is art and-
- Jesus Christ.
- Forgive me for wanting to-
- Just sit your ass at the
desk and get it the f*ck done.
Okay?
Don't f*ck with me today, Andy.
We've got Marin
Wallace coming in.
- Oh, it's today?
- I know you've got
a thing for her.
Don't f*cking play coy with me.
- I have a thing.
She's just really
pretty and nice to me.
- [Dr. Shifflett] Dude,
no one gives a sh*t.
Just do me a favor and don't
slobber all over yourself
when she gets here.
- All right.
Can you...
I can't finish if
you're in here.
(discordant music)
- You're so f*cking
embarrassing, Andy.
And wash your f*cking hands.
- Wash your f*cking hands.
- [Cindy] You gonna
sit your asses there
and watch Dr.
Shifflett's office.
- Yeah, I said we're here!
f*ck!
- [Cindy] Now, don't you get
a smartass mouth with
me, m*therf*cker!
- We're not, Cindy.
We got everyone's profiles
and we'll keep you posted.
- [Cindy] That is
all, detective.
- f*cking assbelch.
Jesus.
- You know, 15 years ago, we
just would've gone up there,
busted down the g*dd*mn
door, g*ns blazing.
Would've had this whole sh*t
wrapped up in five minutes.
- It's total bullshit.
- Honestly.
- Oh, wait.
Speaking of bullshit.
Would you look at
this prick right here?
Where's his ski lift?
Frosty the snowballs.
What a f*cking jackoff.
- I was hoping.
- That Shif would only
higher bald pieces of sh*t
to work here?
Oh, what?
- [Detective Pete]
Jesus Christ, right?
He looks like a
sandwich spokesman.
g*dd*mn.
- [Detective Dave] Who is he?
- Oh, okay.
Yeah. Well, let's see.
Fatty number two
is Gene, no name.
Weird.
Ex-CIA.
- CIA?
- Was canned for
extreme anger issues
and delusions of grandeur.
- [Detective Dave]
Sounds like my wife.
- [Detective Pete]
Recently divorced, no kids.
He seems to be a total loser.
And my guess is he's probably
the muscle of this operation.
- Muscle.
Looks like a bloated
shitstain to me.
- g*dd*mn, I hope
he was breathing
as he went up those stairs.
He's such a fat piece of sh*t.
- Oh, you've been working out?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
(quirky music)
- So you figure out tonight?
- No, I can't.
I have my daughter.
- Hey.
I'm not asking.
- Oh, does doctor
need a spanking?
- Oh, I think you know
exactly what doctor wants.
Yo, money man.
- f*ck.
- You done yet?
- You know I'm not.
- What you drinking there?
f*cking gravy?
(Andy whimpering)
Fix your hair.
- f*ck this f*cking deadline!
Jesus!
- Seems mad like Ikea's
having an online sale,
but the shop floor's
not matching what
the online sale says.
- No wonder he
didn't have any hair.
(detectives chuckling)
- f*cking trying
to ruin my life.
I need more time
to do this sh*t.
Goddammit.
- If he jumps, you're
doing the paperwork.
His ass is gonna splat.
- [Detective Pete] I
mean, I guess the cleanup
would be like a hose.
I mean, how do you clean
pudding off of pavement?
- A hose, a fire hose,
that's a lot of splat.
- You f*cking drinking gravy?
Shut your mouth,
you Aussie f*ck.
I'm drinking g*dd*mn coffee.
You know it's f*cking coffee.
Don't say that in front of
the g*dd*mn receptionist.
Just make me look
a f*cking idiot.
- What if I took a
sh*t at him right now?
Just in the leg?
He wouldn't even feel it.
- I mean, does
butter feel anything?
- [Detective Dave] Well, let's
change some lives, shall we?
(clock ticking)
- I need more time.
- [Dr. Shifflett] Gene.
Gene here, he's going to
babysit you until you're done.
He's more capable than he looks.
Today.
(ominous music)
- You should probably
go to work now, Andy.
(alarm beeping)
(phone buzzing)
- All right, let's do this.
Okay.
Let's get this day over with.
- [Vera] I'm sorry,
I just have to say,
I'm a huge fan of
your short stories.
- There's certainly promise.
- Thank you.
- [Vera] And we're so excited
to have you at Miller and Kale.
We're so excited to
publish your book.
I mean, I cried when
I read "Choices".
- Yes, it moved me.
- [Marcus] The
outline, may we see?
- I bet she's already
into chapters.
How many chapters?
Three?
- Maybe.
- Maybe?
- Maybe, what's maybe?
- I don't know.
- You don't know?
- My idea
that I have
will be ready soon.
- [Farrah] She's scared.
- She's not scared.
- Excuse me!
- I'm sorry!
- Ladies, ladies, let her speak.
- I'm a g*dd*mn
deer in headlights.
- I need a manuscript
in three weeks
or I will m*rder
everyone in this room.
- They hate me.
I was supposed to have
a draft to them today,
and I have nothing,
absolutely nothing.
You know, I spent my whole
life on that first one
and it's just the
collection of short stories.
I'm not a novel writer.
I don't know what the
hell I was thinking.
Why did I agree to this?
- [Becky] I'm sure
it's not that bad.
Writers blow past their
deadlines all the time.
- They already
paid me in advance.
I feel like I'm just
stealing from them.
I still have to deal with dad
and I still have to deal
with his ashes and his-
- The short stories you
wrote, your first book,
how did you come
up with them again?
- I don't, I don't know.
I-
- f*ck you, you don't know.
- [Joy] You know, some of them
just came to me in a dream
or they were just there.
- That's right.
They came to you in a dream.
That means you're a great
f*cking writer, bitch.
Deal with it.
I mean, look at dad.
He spent his whole life
trying to save sea turtles.
f*cking sea turtles!
Why can't you apply some of
that passion to your work?
(melancholy music)
(Joy sighing)
- Okay.
(energetic jazz music)
(Gene snoring)
(energetic jazz music)
- [Dr. Shifflett] Really?
And who told you that?
- My fiance.
- Right.
And he said they're perfect?
- Yes.
Well, he said he was happy.
- Ah, happy.
Right.
(Gene snoring)
If he's happy, then I
guess we're done here.
(energetic jazz music)
- What would you have in mind?
- Well, I have a
couple of ideas.
(energetic jazz music)
How old did you
say we were again?
- 24.
- Oh.
I'm going to be brutally
honest with you, okay?
You're a six at best.
My job is to take you
from that six up to a ten.
Right now, you're
hookup material,
but you're not
marriage material.
(energetic jazz music)
(Gene snoring)
What I suggest is that
you let me do my job.
I'm gonna take all of this
and I'm gonna throw it away.
I'm gonna fix it.
And then maybe if you're lucky,
you'll get to walk
down the aisle
like daddy's little princess.
Okay?
Okay.
Why don't you grab your clothes
and we'll get outta here.
- Okay.
- Hey.
Super proud of your progress.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
You're gonna look
10 times better.
Have a great day, sweetheart.
(elevator dinging)
(Gene snoring)
Is he done yet?
- Who?
(dramatic music)
- What's going on?
Peter?
(dramatic music)
- He took my f*cking money.
- Marin Wallace!
Marin Wallace!
Marin Wallace, roll
it down, roll it down.
Yeah, roll it down.
All the way down, keep coming.
Peter Shifflett
is a fraud, okay?
He convinces women to
get plastic surgery,
even though they absolutely
don't need it, okay?
I mean, look at you,
Marin, you're beautiful.
You don't need that sh*t.
Do not get plastic
surgery from that guy,
'cause you're better
than that, all right?
Okay, I'm just, I'm
gonna give you my car.
That's what I'm gonna do,
I'm gonna give you my car.
Put it on Craigslist's,
sell it for $500.
Buy yourself something
nice just for you.
f*ck everybody else.
I love you.
Wait for me, Marin!
I've been traveling
down the road
Looking for a
place called home
But sometimes I don't know
Where I belong
I've been twisting
in my sleep
Looking for a better dream
But they're all escaping me
That's the way
it goes sometimes
So I keep on moving
the best I can
Rolling with devil,
holdin' angel's hands
Sometimes I'm lonely
But mostly I'm
glad to be alive
(fans cheering)
That's why
I run
Every highway goes somewhere
That the locals
all come there
I'm gonna find
my own, I swear
I'm gonna settle down
I keep on moving
the best I can
Rolling with devil,
holdin' angel's hands
Sometimes I'm lonely
But mostly I'm
glad to be alive
That's why
I run
- [Andy] Yeah, Bob
Taylor, please.
Hey, BT.
What's going on, man?
It's Andy Fielder.
Hey, listen, I need a big
m*therf*cking favor from you.
Can I come see you?
Where are you?
Venice?
Venice.
Venice, Venice, Venice.
Yeah, f*ck it, I
can make that work.
Coming right now.
Making deals with the
devil, holding angel's hands
Sometimes I'm lonely
But mostly I'm
glad to be alive
That's why
That's why
I run
- The last number
dialed on Andy's phone
was for a woman in Los Angeles.
- So what are you telling me?
Is that where he went?
- [Gene] Probably.
That's where I would go.
The weather's great.
I hear it's really dry there.
- [Dr. Shifflett] Okay,
just get her address
and call the idiot.
- [Gene] Okay, so
then I'll just-
Mother Murphy!
- What the f*ck, Gene?
- [Gene] Sorry, I almost hit
a whole family of opossums.
- Just call Bishop.
f*cking assh*le.
(amorous French music)
(phone buzzing)
- Hey, Gene.
- Hi, Todd.
- It's Bishop.
- [Gene] Todd, I've
got a job for you.
- What kind of job?
- [Gene] Oh, just the
important kind, that's all.
So why don't I
text you an address
and you get your heinie
over there and stake it out.
We've got a sweet
little baby lamb
who's wandered
off with something
that doesn't belong to him.
Do you catch my sh*t?
- No, not really.
What does he have?
- [Gene] That doesn't
matter to you.
- It doesn't matter.
- [Gene] That's what I said.
It doesn't matter
to you.
- Well, I think it
would be helpful
to know what this sweet baby
lamb has that's so important.
I mean, how am I
supposed to know
how much pressure to put on?
- [Gene] He's got
a bunch of money
that belongs to Dr.
Shifflett, all right?
He stole it.
And we want it back.
Jesus.
Sense of entitlement
in these kids.
- [Bishop] I don't know, Gene.
Gotta work in the morning.
Got a new job, new
life, new house, so.
- [Gene] No, you don't.
You live with your
crazy French mother
and you hate it.
- Look, Gene.
- Daddy's not asking, sweet pea.
- [Bishop] I know I owe
Shifflett a lot, but-
- [Gene] Hey.
Do you want off my list or not?
You do this and that happens.
- List?
What list?
- You know what
list, smarty man.
You know.
- [Bishop] Oh, sh*t.
That list.
- Oh!
That sh*t list is
right, my friend.
Now, why don't you
get yourself together,
get over there and
get this the F done.
(amorous French music)
- Lights up, Jim Cagney.
What's up?
No.
Throw one away.
What's up, bitch?
No.
What's up, bitch?
No, way too much.
Way too much.
Scale it back.
Be softspoken.
Be charming, you know?
But firm.
Chest hair.
Eastwood.
(dramatic western music)
Hey, you scared?
Yeah.
Yeah, like that.
Now...
Do me a favor.
Don't scream.
(dramatic western music)
Wow.
That's some Oscar
level sh*t right there.
- Andy, what the hell
are you doing here?
Ummmmm
$3 million?
You stole $3 million
from your boss?
Are you insane?
- No.
- You're his accountant.
- You know, I was more of
like a bill collector really.
- [Joy] Yeah, so what
you still stole from him.
- The guy's evil, Joy.
I had to.
- [Joy] What do you
mean you had to?
I mean, you're not a criminal.
Your life is good.
- [Andy] Yeah, hardly.
You have no idea
how truly shitty
and soul crushing my life is.
- [Joy] Okay, why do
you say he's evil?
- Tax fraud, fraud, evasion.
I think he was running
illegal prescription dr*gs
with this guy, Gene.
He wanted me to set up
overseas accounts for him
just so he could run.
And I almost did it too.
- But Andy, I mean,
you stole from him.
You know he can go to
prison for this, right?
Where's the money now?
- It's safe.
It's in a place.
- It's in a place.
Oh my God, who are you?
- I have no idea and
it feels amazing.
- God.
- What if he has guys
coming after you?
- He's a plastic surgeon
from Wilmette, Joy,
not a mafia boss
from the seventies.
He doesn't have guys.
- [Joy] Andy, you disappeared
the same day his money did.
He's gonna come after you.
You know that, right?
- Oh, wow.
Andy's dad d*ed recently.
Unexpected heart att*ck.
(phone buzzing)
Jesus, he was really young.
- Dave.
Ahh, sh*t.
They tracked Andy to LA.
- Oh sh*t.
What about Shifflett?
- No, he's definitely,
he's still here.
- Oh, we're good though.
Who loves you, kid?
- Hey, hey.
Hey.
Fucker, you want some coffee?
Wait, how did you
call me last night?
- I have my phone.
Why?
- Is it a burner phone?
- [Andy] What?
- This is your real phone?
- [Andy] Yeah.
- This is why you're
not a criminal.
You don't even have a
security code on this thing.
Okay, you know what?
It's off.
Andy, you need to leave.
- Ow, Jesus.
- I need you to leave.
- You know, I'm not trying
to get you into trouble.
- I know Andy, but you called me
so now they know who I am.
And I'm sorry,
you have to leave.
All right, here, I'll
give you my number.
All right, now, you
get rid of that phone
and you get a prepaid phone.
And don't call
anyone in Chicago.
Actually, don't call
anyone at all, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay.
Now, look at me and tell me
that you're gonna leave town.
Okay, promise me you'll do that.
- My bag.
- There's your bag.
Here.
Now, do you promise me?
- No.
- Why not?
- Please God, with the yelling.
- Why not?
- Because there's some
things I gotta do, okay?
- What are you hiding?
- Look, it's important.
I have to do-
- Andy, I love you,
but you're being a really big
assh*le right now, all right?
This is not a game, man.
- I know it's not game.
- This is just
some serious sh*t.
Just promise me you'll
do the right thing.
- I will, after tomorrow.
- Oh my God.
All right, just go.
Just leave.
Leave!
- Yeah, yeah.
Hey, Dr. Shifflett.
No, I found him,
but Gene texted me
the wrong address.
But guess what?
I tracked that sweet
baby lamb's phone.
- [Dr. Shifflett] I want him
and my f*cking money tonight
or I swear to God, I'll m*rder
every single one of you.
f*cking amateurs.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
(sprightly music)
You think nothing
can touch you
You think you got it made
There is a judge above you
Gonna catch up
with you one day
You say you run with devil
You say you're not afraid
I see an angry angel
Gonna catch up
with you one day
If your soul is sorry
You might be saved
But if your heart is heavy
Gonna catch up
with you one day
Gonna catch up
with you one day
Better watch out
You can't run forever
You're gonna kneel and pray
The Book of Revelations' gonna
catch up with you one day
If your soul is sorry
You might be saved
But if your heart is heavy
Gonna catch up
with you one day
- My name's Mel.
What do they call you?
- Just Andy.
- Well sh*t, Just Andy.
Let's get you
squared away, okay?
We're gonna take good care of
you, real good care of you.
- You a screenwriter
or something?
- Oh that.
Yeah, some.
Sold, one few years ago.
I write for myself, mainly.
- Hope it works out.
- It won't.
But here you go.
- So we gonna sign some
paperwork or something?
- Hell no, Just Andy.
Paperwork's for
shitass corporations.
This here, family-owned.
The way we firm this fucker up
is we have ourselves
a little sh*t.
- Management makes you do sh*ts
every time you book a room?
- I am management.
Here's to us.
- So what's your
screenplay about?
- g*ns.
You think nothing
can touch you
You think you got it made
There is a judge above you
Gonna catch up
with you one day
If your soul is sorry
You might be saved
But if your heart is heavy
- Oh f*ck.
Gonna catch up
with you one day
- What the f*ck, Gene?
- Sorry, doctor.
- I'm about to rip your head
off your disgusting body!
Can you hear me?
- [Gene] That's my ear, doctor!
- f*ck!
- Howdy.
- Hey, random question.
Would you happen to have
a car that I could borrow
for just a few hours?
That's it, just a few hours.
I just, you know,
thought we got along so well
earlier that maybe, you know,
you might have a
car I could borrow.
- Cars ain't never held
my personality right.
But I do have a sexy
ass truck out there,
if that might interest you.
- Does it work?
- With a little motivation,
I'm sure she'll run just fine.
She's right outside.
- Keys.
- In the visor.
- Just like in the movies.
- That's it.
(mischievous music)
- You're the janitor, right?
You wanna help me
out with something?
I'll totally make it worth
your while, I promise.
Hop on in.
- Oh, hey.
- Who the hell are you?
- Oh, baby, I'm the
new man in your life.
Hey, do us a favor,
don't scream.
Are you scared?
- Yes.
- Good.
Now, walk.
- Okay.
- There you go.
Nice and easy.
- [Joy] Okay.
- Move it, toots.
Okay, I'm moving.
- Let's go, move.
- I'm moving, I'm moving.
- Where's Andy, your pal?
- I don't know.
I don't know.
He was here and then
I asked him to leave
so he left.
I don't know where he is.
- Okay.
I believe you.
- It's the truth.
- [Bishop] I know.
Sit.
- Okay.
- He told you what
he did, didn't he?
- Yeah, he stole some money.
- [Bishop] Yes, he did.
And my boss wants
it back tonight,
which means I want
it back tonight,
which means Andy has
to give it to me when?
- Tonight.
- Beautiful.
She learns.
Now, how do we make that happen?
Did he tell you where it is?
- He said it was in a place.
- In a place.
Who the hell talks like that?
Come here.
Yeah.
Me and you, we're in
this sh*t here together,
so help me find the money.
- You've got a g*n on me.
I don't think this is together.
- We're in this together.
- Okay.
- So help me find the money
and nothing bad happens,
I promise.
Yeah.
There it is.
- Okay.
Okay.
He's gonna call me later.
- Good.
That's a lovely adobe
walkway you have there.
- Thanks.
- It is adobe, right?
- I don't really know.
(mischievous music)
- Hell yeah, man.
Good for you.
You know, good for you.
Screw that.
You don't need that place.
Stupid job.
I had a bad job.
I had a bad boss.
Had a bad life.
You know, good for us, man.
We're changing stuff, you know?
We're changing everything.
All right, I'll be back.
(mischievous music)
(phone line trilling)
(phone buzzing)
- There it is.
Get it.
- Hey, Andy.
I thought you weren't gonna
use this phone anymore.
Remember, you lied to me.
- I didn't have time
to get a burner.
- You don't listen.
- No, they don't know
about you, I promise.
Are you home now?
- Yes.
- Okay, can you
meet me somewhere?
- Sure.
- Meet me at Terry Kaufman Park.
Meet me there in an hour.
- Okay, Andy-
- Really?
I swear to Christ, if you
give me any sh*t tonight.
Does he know what
kind of car you drive?
- No.
- [Bishop] Good.
We'll take mine.
Let's go.
(mischievous music)
- Track me now, bitch.
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
Oh my God, oh my God.
Buckle up.
Buckle up.
We're flying.
Hold on to your ball bag, bro.
- f*ck you.
I can do a hundred push-ups.
- For sh*t.
Let's see it.
Right now, you wanna see?
- No, tomorrow.
- No, get out of the car then.
- Right now.
- Get outta the car then.
- Don't try any funny stuff.
- Okay.
- So where are you from anyway?
- Zihuatanejo.
- Ah, you know Andy Dufresne?
How could you be so obtuse?
Is it deliberate?
Shawshank.
- Andy and I grew up together
and you know she is harmless.
- Yeah, well, if old
Andy boy was so harmless,
you wouldn't be driving around
LA with a g*n in your back,
would you?
- Just promise me you're
not gonna hurt him.
- Would you just drive, mom?
Jesus.
- You know, you are an adult.
You can make your own decisions.
I mean, everyone has choices.
- Are you quoting your
own book to me right now?
- Wait, you read it?
- [Bishop] Dude, watch the road!
Geez.
- [Joy] Did you like it?
- I'm not really a
short stories guy.
- [Joy] Yeah, I get it.
Totally.
Not a short stories guy.
- Yours were okay.
- 88.
- Minus 78.
- f*ck you.
- Such a good movie.
Except for I never
understand that last part
because he-
- Mumbles.
- Mumbles it!
He mumbles it.
Yeah.
(Andy laughing)
Oh, you ever do that?
You ever get like
song lyrics wrong
or, you know, movie quotes wrong
and you realize you've
been doing it forever?
God, I'm such an idiot.
I embarrass so easily too.
(Detective Pete gasping)
- [Bishop] Yeah, I need
you to track that number
that I gave you.
Are you sure?
Okay.
Well, he's here.
That means get out.
(menacing music)
Hey, young Teri,
what've you got for us?
- We tracked Andy's phone
to an alley in downtown LA.
Found security cam footage.
Check this sh*t out.
- We had a warrant
for his phone?
- Of course we did.
(detectives laughing)
They must have lured
him into the alley.
I think there was a money
exchange or something.
- I don't negotiate
with t*rrorists.
Tell me where the money is
or I sh**t the sh*t
out of both of you.
- Put the g*n away
or the money's gone.
I swear to God, it's gone.
- Until...
(electricity crackling)
(Bishop screaming)
- Jesus.
They tased the guy?
(taser crackling)
- Great job, man.
- What the f*ck?
So I was bait?
- Yeah, I had to get
him out here somehow.
- Are you f*cking kidding me?
You assh*le.
- They threw his ass in the
back of a truck and drove off.
All right, detectives,
I gotta run.
- Hey, you sure you don't
a swig there, cheese d*ck?
- It'll make the metal in
your mouth real tingly.
(detectives laughing)
- God, I wish I was his age.
- f*cking handsome prick.
Bet he gets his d*ck
wet every night.
- Yeah, I miss those days.
- You never had those days.
(upbeat rock music)
That's what I want
I won't sleep till
that's what I got
The whole wide
world in my hand
That's what I want
That's what I want
- Does Shifflett know about Joy?
That's all I want to know.
- No.
- See?
- Oh, good.
It's settled then.
Of course, he's not lying.
- I'm not.
- How many people
have you k*lled?
- None.
- [Joy] Dude, you
are such a liar.
- Look, I was roofing houses
in Burbank a week ago.
Look at Andy's pocket.
Do it.
Get in his sh*t.
- What's in Andy's pocket?
What the hell is this?
- Is that a prop g*n?
- I got it one of those
novelty shops in Hollywood.
Looks real, doesn't it?
I know you probably think I'm
this international assassin,
badass, kidnapper guy,
but Shifflett paid for
my contractor's license.
I owe him.
He's the only reason I'm here.
- You're a f*cking roofer?
(ominous music)
- We can track Bishop's phone.
- I can track any phone anytime.
It's what I did for the Corp.
You see, Peter...
What I did was I hid all of
my surveillance equipment
in the garage
during the divorce.
Jackie didn't get any of it.
Nope.
And it's because she
did not know about it,
because I hid it in the garage
during our
painful,
prolonged
uncoupling phase.
- Christ.
- [Gene] She did not know about
it or that it even existed
because what I did was-
- [Dr. Shifflett] Just let
me know when you find him.
Okay, big guy?
- Thank you for trusting me.
I will never disappoint you.
After the divorce,
I was looking for purpose
and
meaning in my life,
and you came along at
just the right time
and gave me an opportunity
to sell prescription dr*gs
and m*rder people for you.
You
saved my-
- [Dr. Shifflett] You should
probably cr*ck on now.
Okay, Gene?
Off you pop.
- Want twig and berries?
- Not the twig,
just the berries.
- Come on, bro.
It was a prop g*n.
sh*t wasn't even real.
We all have choices.
Okay, okay, all right.
I'll play ball.
Gene and Shifflett
flew in today.
Gene's got a bunch of this
really creepy tracking software.
He's tracking your
phone right now.
(foreboding music)
(tires screeching)
(foreboding music)
(tracking device buzzing)
- [Joy] So if you have a
plan, you have to tell me.
Well?
What the hell are you doing?
- What, I smoke sometimes
when I'm feeling stressed.
- [Joy] You can't run away
from these people forever, man.
Don't you know how this
business works, Andy?
- [Andy] Yes, I know how
this business works, Joy.
Don't talk to me like
I don't know stuff.
I'm sick of that.
- [Joy] Fine, okay?
But you know I can't go
home until we settle this.
So I need to know now
what the f*ck the plan is.
- I don't know yet.
I'm sorry.
- [Joy] You come here and you
completely destroy my life
and you're sorry?
You know, f*ck you, Andy.
- Okay.
- Come on, I'm formulating a-
I'm sorry.
- Oh my God.
- [Andy] What?
- Come here.
(bright western music)
(whimsical music)
Give me your phone.
- [Bishop] Why?
- Just give me
your f*cking phone.
- Give her the phone!
- Hey!
I got pictures on there.
- What the f*ck is that?
- It's a SoCal Special, sir.
It's a baby spinach, pineapple
white sauce pizza with,
well, cilantro,
oregano accents,
various maudling roots, craned
carrot stalk, which you know,
all combines for a very-
- I thought I ordered
a pizza, mate.
- It is a pizza.
- [Dr. Shifflett] No,
that's a pair of panties
that you've whipped up in there.
That's what that is.
f*ck it, give it.
I'm starving.
- That'll be 34 even, sir.
- $34.
- Yes.
- No tip.
- Lesson learned, bitch.
- [Dr. Shifflett] And
don't you forget it.
(phone buzzing)
You better have some
good news for me, Gene
or I swear to Christ.
- [Gene] I found them.
- [Dr. Shifflett] And my money?
- [Gene] No, not yet.
There's someone else with them.
Some big Mexican fella.
- All right.
Do whatever you want
with the others.
But Andy's mine, understand me?
- [Gene] Yes.
- I can't hear you, Gene.
- I said yes, Peter, all yours.
- Snookie want some num-nums?
(ominous music)
- [Andy] All right, we
don't know who's out there.
Okay, here's what
we're gonna do.
I think you guys should hold
hands like you're a couple.
Then you'll go for-
Yeah, come on, come
on, let's try it.
Let's just try it.
Pretend like you're a couple,
so just, let's just do it.
- Don't worry.
You're safe.
- I'm worried.
- Oh, hey, Gene.
- Hola.
(Bishop grunting)
Little sh*t!
I am calling your father
the minute I get home, Todd.
- I thought his name was Bishop.
- Bishop is his last name.
He thinks it makes
him sound cooler.
You're not cool.
Andy Fielder.
You dickless little worm turd.
When Peter told me
that you were the one
who stole his money.
(Gene chuckling)
How dare you!
All right, everybody
in the corner.
Come on, in the corner.
Let's go.
Yep.
(ominous music)
All right.
Into the bathroom.
Everybody into the bathroom.
That's right.
Fred.
Daphne.
Shaggy.
Velma.
In you go.
- d*ck.
- Damn it!
- Can't believe
he called me Todd.
It's Bishop.
- I need to call my wife.
- Call her right now, man.
- I need to say bye.
- Okay.
- We're not gonna die, are we?
- Yeah, we're not gonna die.
- Looks like it.
- Okay.
You can come out now.
Well...
Anyone?
Andy, everybody is about
to get sh*t real bad now.
Is that what you want?
Or do you maybe want to
tell me where my money is?
- What do you mean your money?
It's Shifflett's money.
(g*nsh*t banging)
(Bishop screaming)
- Right in the Rectus femoris!
- [Gene] Maybe now you will
keep that smart ass
yapper of yours shut.
And somebody needs to tell
Pop g*n Rodriguez over here
to lower his eyebrows before
I blow them both off his face.
- [Andy] All right, all right.
Just let them go.
I'll take you.
(g*nsh*t banging)
All right, all right, f*ck!
Jesus!
It's in Venice.
- Well, let's go then.
Come on, everybody.
Let's go.
Just the Apache.
I don't want you two
working out another one of
your really smart plans, do I?
Come on, let's go.
Field trip.
Everybody on the bus.
(bright western music)
(g*nsh*t banging)
(Gene grunting)
(g*nsh*t banging)
f*ck!
Really, in the f*cking ear?
Oh, sh*t!
(electrifying music)
Why are you making
me do this to you?
(Gene grunting)
He's coming for you, Andy.
And f*ck you, Todd.
- My God, Mel, are you okay?
- I got sh*t.
No, I'm not okay.
- What can I do?
- You can check this sh*t out.
- Do you always wear a
bulletproof vest to work?
- Yeah, I work nights and
I pull g*ns on people.
Of course I wear a
bulletproof fest.
- I thought you were
showing me your tits.
(Mel and Andy laughing)
I thought you were
gonna show me your tits.
- I wouldn't put it past me.
- Me neither.
(climactic music)
Sun's coming up.
- Yeah, long night.
- Hell yeah.
- How is he?
- It's just a flesh wound.
Don't worry about it.
I got a bed over in Sylmar
that'll stitch him up.
- Geez.
Mel, I am so sorry for-
- [Mel] For what?
For me having some of the
most fun I've had in years?
Are you kidding me, man?
I got my "Fistful
of Dollars" moment.
I should be thanking your ass.
- What about that assh*le
in the room back there?
- Don't you even
worry about him.
I'll take out the trash later
on when the dust settles.
- Thanks for everything.
(phone buzzing)
(phone ringing)
- Jesus Christ, Gene, I've
been waiting all night.
- Gene's dead, Doc.
You d*ck.
- Where's my money?
- Let's meet somewhere
and I'll give it to you.
- Just like that?
- [Andy] Just like that.
- [Dr. Shifflett] Just
you, me, cops, f*cking FBI?
- Nope.
Just me, assh*le.
- Not really getting
the angle here, Andrew.
- Joy.
She stays out of it.
If you can promise me that,
you'll have your money back.
- The big Mexican
stays out of it too.
- Fine.
- I don't know why I'm gonna
trust you with this, but...
- [Andy] You don't
have a choice.
I got your balls in a sling.
- I'll send an address.
- Okay.
f*cking assh*le.
- Babe.
Honey.
Pumpkin.
- You k*lled a guy
with your bare hands.
- He had it coming.
- I can't believe I saw that.
Got one more stop to make
if that's okay with you.
(insidious music)
- Be careful with this one.
Be extra careful with this one.
It's heavy.
If your father knew I
was doing this for you,
he'd crawl up out of his grave
and kick the living
sh*t outta me.
- He'd do the same
thing to me too.
- I don't want to know why
or what this is even for.
Just be careful, okay?
- Look, I know this
looks weird, but-
- No, you just take
care of yourself, son.
I hope this helps.
(gentle music)
- This is gonna help.
(insidious music)
Oh God.
Oh God.
Oh God!
I can't feel my thighs.
Are my eyes bleeding?
Oh my God.
Oh God.
Oh God.
All right, 7:45 on the nose.
This is gonna sound weird,
but pretty sure
you're my best friend.
- Vaya con dios, amigo.
- I had a girlfriend once.
(insidious music)
I'm here.
I'm here.
Hello, hello.
- [Dr. Shifflett]
Ching, ching, money man.
You've got a huge
set of balls on you.
I mean, seriously.
Where have those
things been, huh?
- It's just me.
- Show me.
- It's all there.
I mean, I took some for
expenses, but you know.
- Where's the big Mexican?
- He's Cuban, actually.
He's down the street.
- Who is he.
- A friend.
Best friend, maybe?
I don't know, I've
never actually had one.
- Why'd you do it?
I mean, you of all
f*cking people.
- I don't know.
I just, I guess I just
wanted a good story.
- Open the bag.
- f*ck it.
- The f*ck you doing?
- Getting loose, bitch.
- You can't be serious.
- [Andy] Oh yeah, baby.
You want a piece?
You think you can hold hot fire?
- Dude, you're f*cking
hysterical right now.
I kind of don't even
want to k*ll you anymore.
- Darcie's been cheating
on you, by the way.
- Oh, Darcie?
I have a hundred Darcies.
- You'll care when she
gets the blood work back.
- Okay.
This is gonna be fun
for me, not for you.
You are about to have a
very bad night, friend.
(thrilling music)
(Andy and Dr.
Shifflett grunting)
(nose cracking)
(Dr. Shifflett
painfully grunting)
That's all you got, isn't it?
- [Andy] No.
(Dr. Shifflett yelling)
- Darcie has herpes,
you piece of sh*t!
- Stop saying that!
- She's got everything.
Real white trash
buffet down there.
(Andy laughing)
(Andy and Dr.
Shifflett laughing)
- Steal from me, you f*ck!
I lost my dad too, Andy.
You don't see me
crying about it.
You go to work, you sack up,
you do your job
like a f*cking man.
Christ.
A luggage lock?
- Protection.
You'll regret not
using some with Darcie.
- Stop saying that!
She doesn't have diseases.
- Yes, she does.
- You're a f*cking nobody, Andy!
A f*cking nobody!
Give me the key.
Come on.
Give me the key, Andy.
I'm done playing around.
You're a f*cking nobody, Andy.
A f*cking nobody!
You don't have the balls, Andy.
(shrill music)
Me on the other hand.
(g*nshots banging)
I hope it was worth it.
(g*nsh*t banging)
(intense music)
- You still think I'm a nobody?
- Oh, you fat-
(expl*si*n banging)
(soft piano music)
- Andy!
Born a worm
Spins a cocoon
Goes to sleep
Wakes up a butterfly
Oh what the f*ck
is that about
What the f*ck is that about
(Andres speaking
foreign language)
Born a worm
Spins a cocoon
Goes to sleep
Wakes up a butterfly
Oh what the f*ck
is that about
What the f*ck is that about
Born a worm
Spins a cocoon
Goes to sleep
Wakes up a butterfly
Oh what the f*ck
is that about
What the f*ck is that about
- [Sophia] You
know, if they think
we're gonna look past
this bullying incident,
they have another thing coming.
I wasn't PTA president for
three years for nothing.
You know, maybe I should
run for superintendent.
That'll teach them just.
Just in time.
Come, come sit.
Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
Come on.
You look better.
- Thank you.
- You feeling good?
Eat, eat.
Come on.
Okay.
Because there is
dignity in every job.
So I told them, I said,
"Andres, you need to
get back out there
and just do something better.
I'm so tired of
you sulking around.
I said, "You will not be a
bad example for my children.
I won't have it."
- Well, thank you-
- [Sophia] I know this
is about his self-worth,
and I know how important
it is for a man to
be self-sufficient.
He's such a good man.
(Sophia speaking foreign langue)
How are you feeling, sweetheart?
I'm sorry we could only
use what we had here.
- Yeah, sore but better.
Thank you.
- I can't believe they
just jumped you like that
while you were moving
into your new home.
- [Andy] Yeah, this
came outta nowhere.
- Santa Monica's supposed to
be a safe and quiet place.
I mean, I can't believe it.
- I know.
Bad people everywhere, I guess.
- [Sophia] Ugh, this world.
That's so true.
I'm gonna need you
to finish that.
(calm music)
- Hey, are you all right, buddy?
- Yeah.
This yard sale and old ladies
get aggressive, you know?
- I guess.
- You mind taking me to
the ocean at the PCH there?
- [Luther] Yeah.
- Thanks, man.
(uplifting music)
- [Sophia] Andres!
Oh my God!
Oh my God, oh my God!
Oh my God!
Andres!
Who is Mel and Joy?
I mean...
(Sophia laughing)
What?
(Sophia laughing)
(dramatic western music)
(phone buzzing)
- Hello?
Dead?
LA, huh?
We must have missed-
Christ.
- Just push it in.
- Okay.
Christ, man.
It's time to go.
Shifflett's dead.
- What?
How?
- He got blown up
by a g*dd*mn b*mb.
- Jesus.
Where?
- In LA.
- So...
- Yeah.
- We blew it.
- f*ck it, let's grab a beer.
(birds chirping)
(calm music)
(waves crashing)
- Happy birthday, Pop.
(calm music)
- Stacy.
- Yes.
- I loved it.
- [Joy] Thank you.
- Are you sure?
- [Farrah] I said I loved it.
I loved every page.
I also lost my father this year,
and I think yours would
appreciate the tribute.
Thank you, Farrah.
- We'll be in touch.
- [Joy] Okay.
- You know, you're gonna have
to write a sequel, right?
- [Announcer] Your
attention, please.
(upbeat rock music)
I want the whole thing
The big life, the brass ring
Give me the good stuff
That's what I want more of
That's what I want
I won't sleep till
that's what I've got
The whole wide
world in my hands
That's what I want
I want to bring it
To take names and win it
I'll go till I'm done
Till I get what I want
That's what I want
I won't sleep till
that's what I've got
The whole wide
world in my hands
That's what I want
I can't sleep, I can't talk
I can't stop until
I have it all
That's what I want
I won't sleep till
that's what I've got
The whole wide
world in my hands
That's what I want
(soft folk music)
Feel like I'm strapped
to a rocketship
It wasn't built for me
I wasn't made for it
And so the questions is
Where will that lead
Stay right back here
I'm not moving here,
I'm not falling behind
The midrange
I'm not struggling here
I'm not falling behind
The midrange
I'm moving too,
just in the midrange
The midrange, pulling
back, scale down
The midrange, launch
forward, fast and down
(Darcie laughing)
(Darcie laughing)
Andy Somebody (2023)
Moderator: Maskath3