04x01 - yikes

[bunniefuu]

(QUIET CHATTER)

CHIEF KRAUSS (ON TV): Good evening.

Tonight, the LAPD and our tactical unit

apprehended Barry Berkman,

a -year-old resident
of North Hollywood,

for the attempted m*rder of James Moss.

- (GATE BUZZES)
- He's also being charged

- with the m*rder of Mr. Moss's daughter...
- (GATE OPENING)

... Detective Janice Moss.

He was apprehended in a sting operation

carried out by LAPD Detective
Mae Dunn, our forces,

- and Mr. Gene Cousineau...
- That's him.

KRAUSS: ... Ms. Moss's boyfriend

- KRAUSS: and Mr. Berkman's acting teacher.
- Who?

GUARD : That's the dude
they're talking about!

KRAUSS: At approximately
: , Mr. Berkman arrived

- at the block...
- GUARD : No sh*t.

- (KRAUSS CONTINUES)
- GUARD : Yeah. He's on f*cking TV.

W... He was just on that screen,
and now he's in our cell block.

Dude! That's awesome!

But thankfully, our officers...

GUARD (ON RADIO): Hey, he wants
his scheduled phone call, please.

GUARD : Uh, give him whatever he wants!

- (PHONE BUZZING)
- DA BUCKNER: I'd just like to commend

the, uh, tenacious and dedicated
work of everyone involved

- in the arrest of this dangerous k*ller.
- Hello?

OPERATOR (ON PHONE):
This is a collect call from...

- BARRY (ON PHONE): Barry.
- OPERATOR: ... an inmate

at California State Penitentiary.

Do you accept the charges?

- GENE (ON PHONE): Yes.
- BARRY: Mr. Cousineau?

- GENE: Yeah?
- Did you guys trick me?

Are you and Jim Moss working together?

Are you there?

Look, Mr. Cousineau, I-I want
you to know I went there

because I was worried about you,
and I was protecting you.

You know that, right?

You know that, right?

Are you mad at me?

Mr. Cousineau, are you mad at me?

- Because I love you.
- GENE: What did you say?

BARRY: I said I love you.

- Hey, Barry?
- BARRY: Yeah?

I got you.

(CHILD LAUGHING)

(LOUD LAUGHING)

(GIGGLING)

(HEAVY BREATHING)

SALLY: Hello. Hi.

- What's your n...
- (BANGING, LOUD TURBULENCE)

- (PLANE RATTLING)
- (MUFFLED JET ROARING)

(SIGHS)

(REPEATED TEXT NOTIFICATIONS CHIMING)

_

_

_

WOMAN (ON PA):
Welcome to Joplin, Missouri.

- Lindsay?
- LINDSAY (ON PHONE): Oh, thank God.

Sally, are you okay?

- Why? What's going on?
- LINDSAY: Sally,

Barry was arrested for m*rder.

I-I don't know anything about that.

LINDSAY: How?

Well, I-I wasn't with him.

LINDSAY: But you told
me you were with him!

- What? No, I didn't.
- LINDSAY: Yes, you did.

Wait, what are you talking about?

LINDSAY: What are you talking about?

I'm, I'm talking about
how I wasn't with him.

LINDSAY: Sally, Barry k*lled
Cousineau's girlfriend

the night she went missing.

- But I was with him!
- LINDSAY: I know!

He was just arrested.

Cousineau and her father
helped catch him.

It's all over the news. It's everywhere.

- Wait, where are you?
- Sally.

- Do you need my help?
- Sally!

I'm double parked.

(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT)

Why do you look like that?

Why are you home?

Just so you know, we've turned your room

into your father's man cave,

- which is...
- _

("IT MUST HAVE BEEN LOVE"
BY ROXETTE PLAYING ON RADIO)

Are you gonna talk to me?

♪ This air of silence ♪

The guy I was dating in LA

k*lled my acting teacher's girlfriend.

♪ All around... ♪

(SIGHS)

(PAINED PANTING)

When I was there... I was
f*cking... What the f*ck...

What the actual f*cking...

When I was f*cking there...
When I was f*cking there...

What the actual f*ck? f*cking f*ck!

I was actually f*cking there!

Oh, my God, I can't breathe.

I can't breathe. I can't breathe!

(HYPERVENTILATING)

♪ It must have been love,
but it's over now ♪

SERVER: Y'all done?

We are. Thank you, honey. Oh!

Could I get some chili
cheese tots to go?

- SERVER: Oh, sure thing.
- Thank you, sweetheart.

♪ ♪

INMATE (HUSHED): Hey, yo, that is him.

It looks like the same guy
from "Laws of Humanity."

The freaking teacher was in that, too.

- INMATE : That guy's badass.
- INMATE : Yeah.

INMATE : That's the cop k*ller.

(PRISON CHATTER CONTINUES)

INMATE : I'd do one.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Why do you wanna talk
to the FBI, Mr. Fuches?

They put me in a prison with
a guy that wants to k*ll me.

What's that about?

That's a common problem for
people in prison, Mr. Fuches.

I need protection.

AGENT HARRIS: We know.

What do you mean, you know?

Word on the street is you
and Berkman were besties,

and now, you're not.

HARRIS: Berkman's going down
for Janice Moss's m*rder.

Are you coming to us
to say there's more?

She's just the tip of the iceberg.

You'd wear a wire?

If you can guarantee
my protection in here

and... new life on the outside.

Yeah.

BUCKNER: When Jim Moss called me
and said he was using Gene Cousineau

to help capture his daughter's k*ller,

I said, "Are you telling me jokes?

You Caroline Rhea?"

I can assure you he
is not Caroline Rhea.

I thought you'd either
get yourself k*lled or,

more likely, punk out
and flee the country.

That tracks.

BUCKNER: But you pulled it off.

- Good work.
- Thank you.

Berkman hasn't entered a plea,
but if this goes to trial,

which I'm thinking it will,

you'll be our key witness.

You'll be testifying in front of the man

who threatened your family.

Can you handle that?

Absolutely.

(INSECTS BUZZING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(WIND BLOWING)

CRISTOBAL: (SIGHS)

Santa Fe.

NOHO HANK: Santa Fe.

- CRISTOBAL: We are doing it.
- (SIGHS) No sh*t we are.

- No going back.
- Why would we go back?

I feel I'm in "The Wizard of Oz."

Hm.

- I'm Dorothy.
- I'm Dorothy.

Okay, fine. You're Dorothy.
I'm the Tin Man,

and I am in a magical kingdom

finally able to be happy.

Mm...

And safe.

(DOOR SLAMS)

Oh. It's the owner.

The old hippie woman
with the cowboy hat?

She is here to fix the oven.

- (KNOCKING)
- CRISTOBAL: Yes, coming!

- (LOUD, HEAVY SCRAPING)
- (OWNER STRUGGLING)

(GRUNTS)

(SHOUTS)

Boom.

- Okay!
- Thank you so much.

How you liking the place?

CRISTOBAL: It's great. As a rental.

We're looking for something
a little more permanent.

What is the market like now?

Ah, not a lot out there.

Construction costs are through the roof

with this sand shortage.

You guys can't find sand out here?

This desert sand is worthless.

I'm talking about the high-quality
stuff you need to build.

They ship it in from Asia and Africa.

How funny is that?

♪ ♪

CLAUDIA: Hey, Sally? Sally!

Hey, Sally, I wasn't planning
on you being here today,

so you're gonna have to come
with me to my appointment.

(SALLY SIGHS)

CLAUDIA: I have a
checkup with Dr. Julie,

and then I'm getting my hair colored,

and if we have time, I gotta
run by North Park Mall...

(HEAVY BREATHING)

CLAUDIA: Oh, and Linda and
Becky are coming by tomorrow

just to say hi.

- I know you said you didn't want...
- (PHONE BUZZING)

(CLAUDIA CONTINUES, INDISTINCT)

- (SALLY SIGHS)
- (ANSWERS PHONE)

Hello?

OPERATOR (ON PHONE):
This call may be recorded.

You have received a collect call from...

- BARRY: Sally, I love you.
- OPERATOR: ... an inmate

at California State Penitentiary.

Do you accept the charges?

No, I don't accept the f*cking charges.

Don't ever f*cking call me
again, you f*cking liar.

OPERATOR: Your call is
being disconnected now.

(ALARM BUZZING)

(INMATES CHATTERING)

SALLY: Yeah. And when
I was down there, I...

Yeah...

And when he was down there,
he learned a few things.

Yeah, he learned a few things.

(SALLY CONTINUES, INDISTINCT)

(INMATES CHATTERING)

(INMATES FADE OUT, SALLY CONTINUES)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)

(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

GENE: All right, look alive.
Let's go. Come on.

(STUDENT CHATTER FADES)

(DOOR SHUTS)

Barry.

They put you in here?

(CLEARS THROAT) You know, uh,
I was trying to remember something.

Wh-When you offed th-that guy,

you... Well, you didn't...
I don't know what you did.

I-In Rochester, that businessman?

Wh-What did you do to
him exactly? What...

You were right about Mr. Cousineau.

I never should have trusted him

and I never should have
taken that acting class.

If I hadn't tried to...

understand myself, we wouldn't be here.

I'm sorry, Fuches.

(ALARM BUZZING)

(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT)

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: All right,
here we go. Quiet, please.

- Going on a bell. And action.
- (BELL RINGING)

(JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYING)

Hi. I'm Gene Cousineau.

(APPLAUSE, CHEERING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(CHEERING GETS LOUDER)

(APPLAUSE CONTINUES)

STUDENT: We love you, Mr. Cousineau!

JIM MOSS: You did right
by my baby girl, Gene.

You're a good actor.

Well, you got me there.

I'm starting to get interview requests.

People wanna exploit Janice's case.

This one reporter, Lon O'Neil.

Yeah, he's been calling
me over and over.

Oh, I know that guy.

He tried to talk to me.

Works for "Vanity Fair," right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

None of us should talk to the media.

Yeah, I agree.

It'll hurt the case against Barry.

- Exactly.
- (INHALES)

And don't I want my baby girl's life

turned into some bullshit entertainment.

Jim, I am so sorry that happened.

(LAUGHS) You know what?
You should talk to him.

Take him into the garage
like you did me.

You yelled at me this close to my...

You scared the sh*t outta me.

(SIGHS)

(NERVOUS LAUGH)

Yeah. Yeah. That's the guy.

(MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIGHS)

NOHO HANK: Okay, what's on your mind?

You have not touched your chilaquiles.

Pretty interesting
what the landlady said

about the construction, yeah?

I knew it.

I knew that's what you
were talking about.

- I f*cking knew it. I just...
- No, no, no. Listen.

If someone had the
international contacts

and knew how to get the sand
into the country secretly,

they could corner the market.

Make a fortune.

Okay, I get that, but all
of our men are dead.

We have no infrastructure,

and the trail running here is great.

Oh, believe me, I know.

But I also know that you
have always wanted to be

the top dog in LA.

It's why you and Goran came to
the States, to make your mark.

It is a dream that we both share.

This is your chance, Hank.

It's our chance.

We can have both things.

Can I play some music for the
table while you have dinner?

Please.

(RAINSTICK RATTLING)

(RATTLING INTENSIFIES)

(QUIET KNOCKING)

Sally? You in here?

Hey, hey! Hey! There she is!
Under Dad's desk.

Wow. How's my little
ol' Meryl Streep doing?

Did Mom tell you about my boyfriend?

She did, yeah.

Yeah, that sounds like
a rough situation.

I'm glad you're not involved
in that anymore.

m*rder. Yikes.

(SIGHS)

He didn't get physical with you, did he?

I hope you don't mind.
I made your room my man cave.

(SOFT LAUGH)

- You cut your hair off.
- Can I be alone?

- Yeah, no, I-I know the drill.
- (KNEES cr*ck)

Your mom said you made
a TV show about us,

called "Joplin."

I'd like to watch it after dinner.

MAN (ON TV): She says she
needs to talk to you right away.

SALLY (ON TV): Sure. Is she okay?

Hi, honey. What's wrong?

KATIE (ON TV): Mom, I just got a text.

I think it's from my dad.

SALLY: Let me see that.

Is that the B of A on st?

You don't have a daughter.
Who wrote this?

(SALLY SIGHS)

I wrote it.

("JOPLIN" CONTINUES)

I'm getting another glass of wine.

- Joe, do you want your usual?
- Oh, we just started it, honey.

SALLY: Can we just turn this off?
I don't wanna watch this.

JOE: All right, everybody,
let's just calm down.

This is a big accomplishment for Sal.

His name was Sam.

- Look, we can talk about...
- You used Sam's name?

SALLY (ON TV): I promise, I'm gonna
tell you everything you wanna know.

I didn't use his last name.

SALLY (ON TV): Don't respond to him.

I thought this wasn't based on you.

Well, it's based on what Sam did to me.

- B-But, you don't have a daughter.
- JOE: Okay, let's calm down.

- And you never worked at a bank.
- (SIGHS) Okay. I can't do this.

(SHUTS OFF TV)

CLAUDIA: I see his mother at church.

Now, I'm gonna have to call the family,

and let them know all about this.

Have you been paying... any attention

to what I have been going through?

Oh. Can't believe you
used his actual name.

The guy put his hands around my neck

and choked me.

Right, and the boy in LA is a m*rder*r.

(CLAUDIA SIPS WINE)

I think...

I think I might actually
be in a lot of trouble.

You sure can pick 'em.

Mom.

I need... your help.

I can't respond to you if
you're going to scream...

I am not f*cking screaming at you!

I'm calling Jean.

I'm sure she already knows.

SALLY: Oh, f*ck Sam!
Sam can go f*ck himself!

Hey, hey, hey. Hey, h-how's this?

The gal I got working for me
is out on maternity leave.

You come in, you work for me.
Just for a couple of weeks.

We can spend a lot of time together.

♪ ♪

(MUFFLED SPANISH CHATTER)

(RADIATOR RATTLING)

(CHATTER CONTINUES, RAUCOUS LAUGHTER)

- (CHATTER CONTINUES)
- (FOOTSTEPS)

(CHATTER CONTINUES)

What do we do?

(MANIACAL LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER INTENSIFIES)

- (DOOR UNLOCKS)
- (DRAMATIC CRESCENDO)

(GASPS)

(HEAVY BREATHING)

♪ ♪

(DIALING)

- (SIGHS)
- (LINE RINGING)

VOICE (ON PHONE): Hello?

(DRAMATIC STING)

Who is this?

VOICE: Barry.

No, it's not.

Who is this?

VOICE: Who is this?

(HANGS UP)

♪ ♪

(HEAVY BREATHING)

NOHO HANK: Oh, no.

_

CRISTOBAL: What are you doing up?

I was just researching the sand.

Oh.

I think you're right.

We'd be crazy not to do this.

Let's go back to LA.

- (URINATING)
- (INMATES CHATTERING)

♪ ♪

(FLUSHES TOILET)

(RUNS FAUCET)

(SHUTS OFF FAUCET)

(QUIETLY) You f*ck.

You f*ck!

Way to go, way to go,
way to go, way to go.

f*ck!

(SCREAMS) f*ck!

So f*ckin' smart.
You're so f*ckin' smart.

Fucker!

You f*ckin' piece of sh*t.

You m*therf*cking piece of f*cking sh*t!

- f*ck!
- BIRDWELL: Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro!

- f*ck!
- Bro!

- (BANGS SINK)
- Fucker!

- BIRDWELL: Bro.
- (BARRY WHEEZING)

- Stop that.
- (BARRY GASPS)

Settle down.

- It-It's gonna be okay.
- (BARRY SIGHS)

Breathe. Don't hurt
yourself, man. Please.

Jeez Louise.

(BARRY PANTING)

Look, I-I know they say
you did a bad thing.

But I'm sure you're not a bad guy.

I-I mean, heck, y-you were
in the Marines, man!

That's pretty special!

A-And y-you were also on TV. Heh. Right?

"Laws of Humanity"?

That's a great show.

When I was feeling low,

my mom always used to say,

each of us is more than the
worst thing we've ever done.

(SIGHS)

I always liked that.

(SIGHS) Gave me hope.

(HEAVY BREATHING)

I'm a cop k*ller.

(HEAVY BREATHING)

I'm a f*ckin' cop k*ller.

If I saw you walking down the street,

I'd f*ckin' k*ll you,
I'd k*ll your f*ckin' kids,

I'd k*ll your f*ckin' wife,

and I'd k*ll your f*ckin' mom.

(HEAVY BREATHING)

(SIGHS)

(ECHOING SNAP)

- (FOOTSTEPS)
- (DOOR CREAKS)

(SHUTS, LOCKS DOOR)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)

- (SEA BREEZE BLOWING)
- (WAVES WASHING ASHORE)

♪ ♪

(MUSIC GETS LOUDER)

(DRAMATIC CRESCENDO)

- (MUSIC STOPS)
- (BIRDS CHIRPING)

(CHILDREN CHATTERING)

(PANTING)

BARRY'S DAD: Barry!

Barry!

(TENSE MUSIC, SLOWLY BUILDING)

- (GASPS)
- BIRDWELL: f*ck you.

- FUCHES: I-I'm an informant!
- BIRDWELL: Keep your voice down.

FUCHES: Look, I, I-I didn't
see sh*t. Okay? Got that?

I didn't see sh*t. I need
you to get outta here,

and leave him the f*ck alone

or the Feds are gonna jackpot
your ass, you got me?

Okay, so why don't you get the f*ck out?

- Get out!
- (WEAK BREATHING)

Fuches...

(DOOR LOCKING)

- (DOOR SLAMS)
- (WIRE CLATTERS)

Buddy...

(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)

(CRYING) Look at you.

I took advantage of
you, all right? I did.

It was me. I'm so sorry.

- (SOBS) I'm so sorry.
- It's all right.

I love you, Barry.

- I love you.
- BARRY: I love you, too...

I love you. (CRYING)

♪ ♪

(FUCHES CONTINUES CRYING)

(TYPING ON KEYBOARD)

- Lon, Batman voice again.
- Hm?

This is Lon.

RASPY VOICE (ON PHONE): I told
you not to talk to anybody else.

Who is this?

We're gonna meet tomorrow,

then I'm gonna tell you how Gene
Cousineau caught Barry Berkman.

LON (ON PHONE): Wait a minute,
how did you get this number? Hello?

♪ ♪

(MUSIC FADES OUT)

(QUIET PRISON CHATTER)

(DOORS OPEN AND CLOSE, FOOTSTEPS)

(GATE BUZZES)

(DOOR SHUTS)

(INDISTINCT SHOUT)

(DOOR SHUTS)

(INDISTINCT SHOUT)

(PRISON CHATTER)