02x03 - The Observer

[bunniefuu]

DAVE:
I can't write a song

unless all the sounds
are perfect.

BENNY:
You can't even write
a song, period.

Too thick.
It can't be too thick.

Can't be too thin.
It's got to be that sweet spot.

[soft percussion plays]

We can use this
as a placeholder.

Let's talk about the kick drums

'cause they're feeling
a little bit, like,

not distinguished.

Nope. Sorry.
It's break time.

Just drop it right
on the burner.

-On the burner?
-Yeah, right on the burner.

Oh, it's incredible. The char.
You're gonna love it.

-Wow.
-Yeah. It's pretty nice, huh?

I bet you don't have sleepovers

with adult men very often,
do you?

Uh, you know, I live with a man,
a grown man,

-so I kind of have them...
-Oh, yeah,

I forgot you...
live with your quack manager.

-He's a sweet man.
-Yeah. No, no, he's a sweet guy.

Why don't you ever
bring him around?

I don't know. It's just,

I feel like it's hard
to be friends

with your manager sometimes.

You're an all-work,
no-play type of guy.

Hey, what kind of meat is that?
Is that ground chuck?

Mm, I don't know, Chuck.

There's a guy who brings it
to me from Japan.

Did you just call me Chuck?

Yeah, maybe I did, Chuck.

Oh. Chuck.

-[playing upbeat song]
-Yeah, but go lower with it.

Yes. Yeah.

I can catch, like, moments,

but, like,
I just can't maintain.

BENNY:
Okay, have you ever
heard of a PRL?

-DAVE: No.
-So, there's

like a writer's share
and a publisher's share.

-Do you even know what that is?
-No.

Chuck, where did you learn how
to do all that?

I was in breakdancing class when
I was in, like, seventh grade.

And when I used to fly, I used
to have to have a whole ritual.

Like, Baruch atah Adonai,
Eloheinu melech...

And at the end, I had to go...

♪ Amen♪
out loud, and then go...

-[smooches]
-[Dave laughs]

Mmm. Chuck.

Yup, and there was onions
in that.

-Really?
-Mm-hmm. You like onions.

I like onions?

Every time I had to, like,
say goodbye to my parents,

I had to kiss them right
in the middle of their cheek.

"I love you, Mom.
Drive safe. See you soon."

And then I had to envision
their face within a heart.

Chuck... what's Congress?

-Ah...!
-Ah...!

DAVE:
I don't know.

What about the Senate?

-Is that part of Congress?
-The Senate is part... No.

-...ah!
-Oh.

I won. [giggles]

There's literally gonna be,
like, a hundred sounds in it.

I don't know what you're...

I know, but if it's too
abrasive, it's not gonna...

Do you think Drake
and Future do this?

-[both grunting]
-DAVE: All right, Chuck.

I'll show you my d*ck.

[Benny laughs]

[Dave giggles]

BENNY:
Chuck,

where's the hole
where you pee out of?

-It's, like, green.
-[laughs]

Chuck, this thing needs to be
at every U.N. conference.

This is incredible.

This is nothing
to be ashamed of.

h*tler had
the same d*ck disorder.

It actually drove him
to the Holocaust.

Chuck, this thing drove you
to comedy.

-[Dave giggles]
-[singing in foreign language]

Nope, don't want to do it.
Not attracted.

Nope. Disgusted.
You're disgusting.

DAVE:
Doesn't feel, like, sexual.
It just feels good.

BENNY:
And you got to look hot

while you're doing it, too.

How do girls have

-sex like this?
-I don't know.

♪

-Chuck, maybe I can...
-[both spitting]

DAVE: Chuck, you think
we're gonna talk about nothing

for more hours?

-Yeah!
-BENNY: He would always

say, "Leave room for Jesus."

[laughs]

Looks like two Christmas hams.

[laughter]

Chuck. All right, Chuck.
I'm doing it.

Put 'em on my head.

Oh. [spits]

-[laughs]
-Chuck, that's disgusting.

[birds singing]

[sighs]

Hey, David?

Dave?

Dave?

[phone camera clicks]

[phone camera clicks]

-[Dave laughs]
-Chuck, come on.
The gas is coming.

Yeah, I'm getting
the gum right, Chuck.

Chuck, is this really gonna
blow a bubble?

Yeah. I've been reading
about it on YouTube.

All right, hold on, Chuck.
I'm putting it in, Chuck.

I'm not looking at this.
I can't even look

-down the barrel of this thing.
-Chuck, just do it.

[grunts airily]
Chuck.

-Oh, Chuck.
-Oh, Chuck.
Chuck, I can taste it.

-[phone ringing]
-So it's on you to fart.

Okay, I'm gonna
do it right now.

Oh, Chuck, Gata's calling me.

-Hey, hold on. Gata's...
-Chuck, Chuck, I'm trying

-to make the bubble.
-I know.

Gata's been calling me all day.

One sec. One sec. Yo.

-What's up, Daddy?
-GATA: What's up, fool?

Look, I'm about to get the LD
blasted on my face, n*gga.

Whoa!

-Gata, what the f*ck are you...?
Do not do that.
-Bruh,

what you talking about?
I told you I was gonna do it.

Yeah, I thought
you were kidding.

Like, who would ever do that
in real life?

Gata, if I didn't pick up
the phone right now,

would you have just gotten
that tattoo on your face?

I'm not even married
to that logo.

Bro, you my n*gga.
When people see me,

they got to see you, too, fool.

-It ain't no big deal.
-I appreciate that, Gata,

but, like, this is, like,
the rest of your life

we're talking about.
It's permanent.

You can't have a f*cking thing
on your face forever.

[scoffs]
Man, bro.

All right, man.
You're right, bro.

I'm-I'm-a slow down, man.

But I'm-a still
get something else,

like Master Splinter
or something,

'cause you know
I love the Ninja Turtles.

-They're my n*gg*s, bro.
-Do that.

That's... I support that.

Hey, what y'all on today,
though?

Uh... I'm hanging out
with Benny.

Yo, man. What's up?

Man, that sh*t look lavish
over there.

-I'm with that n*gga Tone.
-Hey, yo.

What up? What up? What up?

-What up?
-GATA: Man, LD,

when you gonna invite us
over there to hang out, man?

I'm trying to be around
that Benny Blanco money, man.

-Well, you know...
-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

-Whenever you want, man.
-Uh...

-Door's always open. Come on.
-All right.

That's what's up. For sure,
we gonna slide over there, man.

DAVE:
Uh, all right, we got to go.

We're working on music.
I love you.

Gata, please
think things through. Be smart.

All right, my bro.
I'm-a holla at you.

Okay. I love you. Bye.

Damn. You let him
get at you like that.

You was about to tattoo
his name on your face

-like you his property.
-Got at me like what, Tone?

That n*gga about
to put me on, dawg.

I ain't about to be sitting
on my ass

for the rest of my life, bro.

You don't even understand, man.
We got a different type

of relationship, bro.
He always look out for a n*gga

-every day.
-You've known him for, like,
what, a year?

You ain't got to lie to me
about riding his d*ck.

I know a meal ticket
when I see one.

You just got to meet him, bro.

You don't even understand.
I'm about to text him.

-We going over there.
-That wasn't a real invitation.

Bro, I make music with him
and Benny all the time.

Like, we do major sh*t, bro.
We about to go over there, man.

Okay. I'd love to meet him.

[scoffs]

[phone chimes]

"Pulling up in "?
That wasn't even a real invite.

Chuck, it's fine.
Who cares?

I care. We were hanging out.

Chuck, who...?
Chuck, the gum!

Oh, Chuck,
it's still in your butt?

Chuck, it's in my "ain-oos."

Chuck,
why didn't you take it out?

Chuck, what the f*ck
have you been doing?

-Chuck, what do you mean?
-Chuck, it's incredibly tangled.

-Are you aware?
-Chuck, it's not that bad.

Chuck, it's insane.
It's so caught in the...

Chuck, stop. Chuck.
Chuck. Ow!

Yeah, Chuck, Chuck, I think you
should go over there, Chuck.

-Chuck.
-I need to... This is...

-Chuck, get it out.
-Chuck, I'm gonna try
to get it out,

-but I don't fully understand
what's going on.
-Okay, Chuck.

-Chuck, shut up.
Just get it out.
-All right, Chuck.

-Ow!
-Yeah, Chuck. I...

Chuck, this isn't
a f*cking joke.

Okay, I agree.
It's very tangled.

-What do we...?
-I'm gonna try
to rip it out right now.

-Here we go.
-[ripping]
-Ow!

-Stop, stop, stop!
-Uh, just let me do it.

-Oh, my God.
-Chuck, ow!

Yeah.

What?

Dad is gonna move in with you?

Are you nuts?

Oh, yeah.
No, you would say that.

You would say that, yeah,

because you didn't have
to take care of him.

I had to be a big brother to you
and a dad to him.

Roommates are kicking him out?

No one's dad
should ever have roommates.

[stammers] I don't have to do
what? Make great points?

Yeah, I do.

You don't know
how annoying Dad can be.

It's a bad idea.

No, it is.

From someone who knows.

What? What the f*ck?

It says, "Dear neighbor.

"I noticed packing peanuts
blowing out of your trash.

If you choose to trash them,
at least close the lid."

What? No. Yeah,
I'm reading a note

from a neighbor about the...

"Bad for the environment."
"Act responsibly." [mutters]

"Packing peanuts
should be recycled."

Signed "The Observer."
What the...

I got to go.

Uh, yeah, thank you for calling,
and I'll talk to you later.

The Observer.
What the f*ck is...?

f*ck!

[quietly]
f*ck.

f*ck me.

Oh.

[Benny laughs]

Chuck, it tickles.

All right, just relax.

-[laughs]
-All right.

I mean, this looks exactly
how it did before.

-It's just now
there's peanut butter.
-Yeah.

Okay, that's why I told you
to put olive oil first.

-I didn't want to get the grease
on my skin.
-[phone buzzes]

Grease on your skin?
I got gum

and peanut butter
shoved up my ass.

"Parking now"?

-Come on!
-All right, can we get...
do this faster?

Can I, like, just cut out
the f*cking hair

-with, like...?
-Chuck, you're not cutting
my ass hair out.

-Why? What do you need it for?
-I-- Chuck, I don't know.

No one needs assh*le hair.
That's why women...

go to their, uh...

-Where do you keep the scissors?
-Chuck, it's in the top drawer.

Over there. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Okay.
-Chuck.

Chuck. Yeah, give me a...

Okay. All right.

How's this for an angle?

-Chuck, this is so avant-garde.
-One. Two.

-[groans]
-Oh.

-Chuck.
-Chuck.

Hey, Chuck,
what do you think about this?

This is the most disgusting
thing I've ever seen in my life.

Chuck, what are you talking
about? That's incredible.

-[knocking]
-Chuck.
-All right.

-That's more beautiful
than your cock.
-All right. They're here, Chuck.

-They're here.
-Chuck, what are you doing?
Don't throw that away.

What are you talking about,
Chuck? Clean yourself up.

-Coming!
-Big deal, Chuck.

Yo!

House so big it took three days
to answer the door, huh?

-What up, what up?
-Hey, them overalls crazy.

-Yeah, they're Benny's.
I slept...
-Hey, this my n*gga Tone.

-What's up, Tone?
-What's up, man?
Heard a lot about you, man.

Yeah, okay.
Good to meet you, too. Wow.

GATA:
Man, look at the décor.
This spot is sick.

Yo! What up, guys? Oh, baby.

Come over here. Both you guys,
come give me a hug.

-You crazy, fool.
What's good, though, bro?
-Bro.

-Oh, okay.
-Y'all been eating
peanut butter?

-BENNY: No, but if you're
hungry, we can order something.
-Let's get it.

[groans]

There it is.

♪

[mutters]:
d*ck.

DAVE: Okay. Buffalo wings
and a grilled chicken sandwich.

-Got it.
-[sighs] That's crazy.

Benny really doing his thing
out here, man.

But let me get the sauce
from the wings

on the actual sandwich.

On the-- Okay.

You know, I'm not seeing
a way I can do that

-in the Postmates interface.
-GATA: Damn.

This sh*t crazy, bro.
Look at all this soda, bro.

-It's like diabetes central
right here.
-Oh, Gata,

don't post any of that. He can't
be seen with all that plastic.

-He's on, like,
an environmental charity board.
-What you mean?

It's more plastic
to recycle, bro.

-Come on, man.
-Yeah, it's fine, Chuck.

-More plastic...
-GATA: Who the f*ck is Chuck?
-What do you mean?

That's Chuck. Hey, Chuck.
How you doing?

GATA:
Y'all got secret nicknames?
What the f*ck?

-What y'all fools
been doing today, though?
-Oh, you know,

Chuck wanted to wake up early
and go swimming,

so we went outside.

And we got this new little game
we play.

It's called shape-shifting,
and it's like,

kind of like he sits naked
and he, like, goes like this.

And then I get to, like,
ripple the waves underwater

and it flows against your penis
and makes you hard.

It's amazing.

That's not, uh...

Gata, what do you want to eat?

Uh, let me get a burger.
No tomatoes.

Hey, you know, this fool Benny
got all, like,

the Top smashes, n*gga.

Yeah, I can see that sh*t.

Heard y'all and Gata
been making them hits.

I can't wait to hear
them joints.

Hey, bro, relax, man.
I'm trying to...

You know, we smoking right now.

-What are you... Stop.
-Come on, man.

You just running up on this
n*gga's nice-ass table, bro?

What you wanted me to do?

D-Do you guys want to

smoke the weed outside?

There's a pool.
It's pretty nice.

Oh, yeah, I'm trying to see
the rest of the crib, bro.

Let's do it. Ah.

Chuck, what the hell's wrong
with you?

-Why are you acting so weird?
-I'm not acting weird.

You got to understand, the way
that we act is very weird,

and they're not used to it,
so, like...

Why can't you just
act like yourself?

I am. I'm just saying, like,
Gata's old-school.

Old-school?
What are you talking about?

Like, he's not gonna get it.

Like, I don't want to make him
feel uncomfortable.

Man, what I need to go to the
high school reunion for, bro?

I see them online
every day on IG

not doing sh*t, bro.

They don't even probably
be taking care

of their kids, bro.

[chuckles]
Wait till you got kids.

Trust me. Like, you got
to know your audience.

Like, you need to cool it
on the Chuck and the...

-all the-- okay?
-All right, fine, fine.

Okay.
How's your butt?

It doesn't feel good.

TONE:
When's the last time
you went fishing?

GATA:
sh*t, I think it was
with your ass.

Hey, guys, you know
right before you got here,

me and Dave were hanging out,
and he took a wad of gum

and shoved it up my assh*le,

and I tried to blow bubbles out
with a fart.

Relax, man. I ain't trying
to hear that sh*t.

Uh, you guys think Giannis
is staying in Milwaukee

for his whole career?

-Oh, he...
-Wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You actually care
that we talk like this?

I told you, Gata does not like
the gay stuff,

so just f*cking stop.

Y'all are gay?

-N-No, no.
-No.

Y'all could be h*m*
all y'all want,

but I ain't trying to hear about
no gum in the ass. Real sh*t.

You guys have never seen
each other's assholes before?

-Oh, no, man. Come on.
-No. What the f*ck?

Gata, you've never just,
like, imagined, like,

what Tone's cock
could look like?

Y'all are crazy.

Just so you guys are aware,
he's not meaning

sexually in any way.

He means, like, in terms
of it being, like, fun.

-Yeah, yeah, it's...
-It's, like, funny.

No, no, it's like just...
it's funny.

It's like, it's not even--

Like, we're not gay,
we're just, like...

Rich, white, and ain't got
sh*t else to do.

-Rich? White?
-I'm not even that rich.

Okay, cut the sh*t, Gata,
right now.

In your house, you walk in.

You're whole family's tied up.

They got your mom going,
"Ooh! Ooh!"

And they say they're gonna
spray 'em all down

unless you suck his d*ck.

The guy with the g*n.
You doing it?

Hell no. Everybody
going to heaven, bro.

Stop trying to be a tough guy.
Okay, Gata, do you love Tone?

-Of course. That's my n*gga.
-You don't show
your friends love?

-I show Dave love.
I give him a nice little...
-Not right now. Stop.

Get off. Stop.
Get off.

Bro, I do show my friends love.
I just gave this n*gga Tone

a skateboard to give to his son
to go back to school with.

A bunch of free clothes
and sh*t.

But all this fugazi sh*t, man,

I ain't trying to see
this sh*t, bro.

-You see what they be on?
-Looks like I'm the winner.

-[Dave laughs]
-You like the masculinity?

I'm f*cking you now.

-Oh, sh*t.
-[Dave grunts]

-Chuck, that was so h*m*.
-I hated it.

You know why y'all like playing
this little

gay chicken game, right?

Chicken?

'Cause y'all ain't never had
to deal with the consequences

of the way y'all are.

So y'all just run around
this big-ass house

-looking for ways to flirt
with some sh*t.
-No, no, no.

We're just--
It's like-- It's like bromance.

-Like a bromance movie.
-DAVE: Yes.

You ever seen
a Black bromance movie?

BENNY:
Uh...

[quietly]:
Black bromance...

-Black bromance...
-Exactly.

-Uh, Rush Hour?
-Yeah, Rush hour?

-He was Asian.
-That's a Black dude
and an Asian guy, bro.

-Yeah, but Chris Tucker.
-Asian and a Black guy.

Yeah, but the movie was
more Black-themed, I think,

even though it was set
in... Asia?

Moonlight?
What about Moonlight?

Best Picture-winning Moonlight.

That wasn't a bromance movie.
That was just a romance.

-Yeah.
-That's true.

Why aren't there any
Black bromance movies?

I'm not about to unpack
years of Mandingoshit

for y'all, too.

years? Mandingo?

That guy, the p*rn star,
is, like, .

Bro, regardless, Black people,
we gonna get judged, bro,

if we're not winning
championships

or rapping about
being the sh*t, period.

That's just how it is.

-That white privilege
kicking in, huh?
-Well...

Or maybe you guys are a little
scared of something like this.

And the only way to prove it
is if you look

-at my assh*le right now.
-Your assh*le?!

-Yep, my assh*le.
-Oh, hell...

I'm an EMT, so if seeing
a butthole

is the worst part of my day,
it's a good day.

Y'all got to start setting
more boundaries...

-Oh, you're an EMT.
-I'm sorry, dude, I, I'm sorry.

You're a tough guy, huh?

-Gata, I'm sorry.
-GATA: Come on, man.
-BENNY: A real tough guy.

You want me to give you
the whole shebang right now?

-I don't give a f*ck.
-Oh, you don't give a f*ck?

I don't give two shits.

All right, Chuck, he says

he doesn't give a f*ck.
Should I just

-shimmy on down...
-Stop.

...and bring him
to the candy shop,

but give him a little
Hershey squirt, too?

-Wait, wait. That's strange.
-DAVE: What?

-What do you mean?
-Yeah.

No, the-there, come, look.

Yeah, it's a little strange,
huh?

There's gum and peanut butter
in there from earlier.

I knew I smelled peanut butter
earlier, but check it out.

-See, there's something...
-Oh, my God, what is that?

It's like a--
It's like a-a mass.

Chuck, what is it?
There's, like, a lump of flesh.

TONE:
And you know that this skin
can be cancer-prone.

-What is that?
-DAVE: How would I know that?
I had no idea.

My boy know his sh*t
over there.

-What do you mean, Chuck?
-DAVE: I don't know
what that is.

There's something that
I didn't notice before.

GATA:
We got an emergency call.
My boy, he on his job, look.

Could it be, like, genital
herpes, 'cause...

-It could. It-it could spread.
-Is the anus a genital?

-It's his assh*le.
-I know. But is it...?

-[panting]
-Like, one in five people
have...

This is good weed.
Chuck, are you okay?

[breathlessly]:
Chuck...

-Chuck, what's going on?
-Chuck, Chuck,
I don't feel good.

-What do you mean?
-Chuck, Chuck, I think
I'm having a panic att*ck

-or something.
-Okay.

Uh, just breathe. Do your
little Baruch atah Adonai...

Chuck, it's not like that.

I feel like I'm gonna
f*cking die.

DAVE:
Okay. Total anxiety.

Chuck, none of this is real.
You're just...

Tone, if he's having
a panic att*ck, what do we do?

Man, he should probably start
by stop smoking this gas.

-[laughter]
-Shut the f*ck up!

Hey, no, I'm serious, man.

My f*cking uncle d*ed
of f*cking colon cancer.

Chuck, I have
the best dermatologist

in the entire city,
Dr. Belbin.

I'm gonna get us in.
He's the derm of the stars.

I'm gonna get us in today.

I'm about to take a flick
right now for the Gram.

Gata, what are you doing?

-Benny's assh*le is bleeding!
-Stop.

-I feel like I'm gonna die.
-You're not dying, Chuck.

-You gonna be good, bro.
-You get it?

[computer chiming]

What the f*ck?

Hey!

[mutters]

Hey!

f*ck him.

I just put the cans out.
Feel free to toss that in there.

No, I would never put sh*t
in another man's trash.

Some assh*le just
did that to me.

That's why I'm out here
looking for him right now

to tell him he's an assh*le.

Oh, uh, wow. Okay.

Well, you know, he probably just
didn't want to walk around

with a bag of dog sh*t
in his hand, right?

I think everyone should
take care of their own sh*t.

It's not too much to ask.

I-I'm with you, brother,
you know.

But like they say,
you can either be right

or you can be happy.

I've never heard that, ever.

If it gets under your skin,
you can just write a note.

Write a note?

Yeah. You know,
if it's an issue.

Are... Are you
The Observer?

-No.
-No?

Because wouldn't a normal person
just say, "What's The Observer?

I don't know what that is,
I've never heard of it"?

You just said no.

-I mean, I-I...
-You what?

You what? You are.
You are! [laughs]

This is good.
Ladies and gentlemen,

take a look at this
piece of sh*t, Internet.

This man lives
in my neighborhood

and has been harassing me

by leaving notes
on my residence

about packing peanuts being
in the wrong f*cking bin.

Like anybody cares at all.
[laughs]

I manage an artist, by the way.
A very famous, very...

soon-to-be very famous artist.
Hundreds of thousands

of followers already
on the Internet.

They're all gonna see this
on his page.

They're gonna know
where you live,

they'll know the neighborhood,

and you're probably gonna
get fired from your job, dork.

-Why are you filming me?
-Why am I filming?

Why would you put notes
on someone's trash?

Who the f*ck does that, dude?

I don't know what
you're talking about,

but maybe they just wanted
to let you know

in a... in a friendly way
how to properly dispose

of popcorn peanuts.

-Ah. [laughs]
-I mean, do you care

about the environment?

Yes. Yes, I do.

So, there you go.
I don't understand

-why you're filming me.
-And you know what?

No one cares.
Nobody cares what you think.

That's the point. That's why
I'm filming you right now.

Because no one f*cking cares.

You're filming me
because no one cares?

[phone beeps]

[laughs airily]

You've been observed,
m*therf*cker.

[scoffs]

f*cking...

[phone rings]

SUSAN:
How's your back?

Oh, my God, it's like, I thought

the doxycycline would do more
than the Accutane,

but, like, it's just making me
nauseous half the time.

Well, don't forget
to take it with food.

I know. I keep forgetting
I have to eat with it.

Um, so much to fill out.

Chuck, what kind
of health insurance do you have?

I don't... I don't have any.

I brought... I brought this.

Uh, we can figure it out after.

Is it... is it enough?

I don't think that's how
the medical system works.

Chuck, what world
do you live in, Chuck?

SUSAN:
He can actually go back now.

Okay, Chuck, they're ready
to take you. Good luck, Chuck.

-I'm so scared.
-Don't be scared.

You're gonna be fine.
You got it.

They're gonna...
Dr. Belbin's gonna do it.

Go to her. Okay.

I'll fill out
all your stuff, Chuck.

GATA:
Man, I'll bet you this is

where George Clooney got his
titties done, come out looking

-like Batman.
-TONE: You think they got
a payment plan?

Ally Wernick was here?

I can't say.

Yeah, that's
how she writes her name.

-That's...
-GATA: Man, this hundred
kind of faded.

You think I could change this
hundred to, like, a private jet

-or something?
-I don't think
they do edits over here.

It's my skin, bro,
it's a dermatologist.

But it's a different type--
they don't take the skin...

You know, Ally would always say
dermatology wasn't even real.

And she's using my name
to get into my f*cking derm?

-Huh?
-You know what?

I'm giving this girl
a phone call right now.

Enough is enough-- you can't
go the rest of your life

-without talking to me.
It's ridiculous.
-That m*therf*cker's cold.

-AUTOMATED VOICE: You have
reached the voice mail box...
-You know they gonna

-run you, though, if you got...
-And voice mail.

All right, fine,
you're getting a text.

GATA:
She didn't answer?

DAVE:
Green?

What does this mean when...
it was always blue in the past?

Aw, hell no-- she blocked you.

-That's scandalous, dawg.
-She blocked me?!

You really dealing
with that right now, bro?

Why would she...?
What the f*ck happened?

It's all good, LD.

You ain't got to worry
about it, though, bro,

'cause at the end of the day,
I love you, bro.

I got you, LD.

-I know we at a dermatologist.
-I love you... yeah.

But don't let it get
under your skin, bro.

Thank you.
I love you, too, Gata.

For real, man.
Thanks, man.

Wow.

[crickets trilling]

[Dave grunts]

Have you been
on Instagram today?

Oh, f*ck.

[phone buzzing]

-Hello?
-DAVE: Hey, big cat.

How's it going over there?

It's pretty good, you know?

It's going.

I was just calling to...

wish you a happy birthday.

I know it's late,
I just, you know,

I like avoiding the morning
rush, and I know midday

is when all the other guys
come along, and I want to be

the guy that really
caps it all off

-for you, so...
-Yeah, man.

I appreciate it,
I appreciate it, big dog.

Did you do anything fun today?

I'm sorry that
I haven't even been home.

I, uh, I was with Benny,
I slept there.

We've just been working
so much on music.

We're really chipping away.

Yeah, no, no, it was good--
it was a great day, man.

I went running,
took a long, nice run.

Uh, I talked to my brother,
that was...

that was nice, man.
He's such an idiot.

-[phone chimes]
-I got a bunch
of work done, actually,

which, uh, you know...

Should probably take
a day off, but,

I mean, you know
how it goes, man.

Hello?

Well, I'm happy
you had a great day.

And I look forward to coming
back home and hugging you.

Thank you, man,
thank you, I'm, uh...

Long day, long birthday day,

so I'm, I think I'm gonna
hit the hay, man, I'm tired.

Okay, I love you, man.

[clucks tongue]
Thanks, man.

[line beeping]

[phone chimes]

[knocking]

[chuckles]

[laughing]:
Hi.

Did you block me?

No.

My phone has been off
the whole day.

Just off.

-Oh.
-[sputters]

Is everything all right?

Yes.

And I did think
about blocking you.

[singsongy]:
But I didn't.

[giggling]

-Are-are you okay?
-I'm great.

I'm-- look.

[pills rattling]

I'm on painkillers.

DAVE:
Oxycodone?

Oh, man, this is,
like, really ravaging

lower middle-class America
right now.

-Like, I would not...
-I'm not abusing pills, Dave.

Certainly not over you.

I had a surgery.

Like an adult.

What-what did you have
surgery on?

I had my mole removed
on my back.

-The General?!

[laughs]:
The General, yeah.

-He's gone?
-Yeah.

What about the Lieutenants?

The Lieutenants were unharmed.
He-- Dr. Belbin said

that they weren't irregular,
but then the General

got dishonorably discharged.

That's a twist-off.

-Oh.
-I also don't think we need
to be drinking, right?

You're on oxys
and I'm on doxycycline for...

If I drank,
my appendix would explode.

I did-- I, like,
walked in there to get--

to be polite, so it's-- yeah.

This feels...

We'll just leave that there.

Uh...

Uh... Dr. Belbin.

-You... my doctor.
-[laughing]

You, uh, used my name to get in?

Yes.

Just 'cause I know he's, like,
a dermatologist of the...

stars.

[laughing]:
This is so funny.

What an insane thing to say!

I know.

I only bring it up, 'cause, um,

obviously we haven't, like,

been in each other's lives
at all.

And when I saw that you

went there, it kind of, like,

made me feel used.

Is-is going to your doctor a...

mean thing to do?

It's not.

-I think I'm reaching.
-[groans]

As you are right now-- what are
you trying to achieve right now?

I have to change...

my bandage on my back,
and it's...

hard to reach.

Do you need a hand?

Could you...?

That's a yes?

Oh, okay.

-Okay.
-Here we go.

Wash your hands
so that it doesn't get

sour cream and onion-y.

I'll go here,
then you go on this part.

-Okay.
-[Ally laughing]

[winces]

-Okay.
-Oh.

Why, why are you being weird?

Just your breasts are exposed.

Oh... [sputters]
Are you serious?!

You've seen these
a million times!

I know, I just don't know
if I should...

Just don't look at them.

-I won't look at them.
-Don't look at them.

-I'm a pro.
-You got...

Here I come. What breasts?

-[laughs]
-No problem.

Okay, now you dress the wound.

Put this wound in a tux.

[Ally laughs]

Okay.

Uh, can I just pull
your hair back?

-Mm-hmm.
-Okay.

Go for it.

It's blonde.

Mm-hmm.

That's cool.

I miss the General.

Does this, does this hurt?

No, nothing hurts anymore.

Hmm.

Now you dab it with
the cotton ball, make it nice.

-This okay?
-Mm-hmm.

I'm still sad at you,

you know?

I know.

I...

[gulps]

[Dave groans]

[gurgling]

-[retches]
-[Ally gasps]

Oh, f*ck. [grunts]

What was that?

Vomit.

It's vomit?

Just a little bit
'cause I'm on doxycycline

now for my skin.
If you don't take food...

Is it in my wound, Dave?

In it?

Uh... yeah.

-♪ Hi, I'm Dave, hi, I'm Dave♪
-♪ I'm Lil Dicky♪

-♪ Who's Dave?♪
-♪ Hi, I'm Dave♪

♪ Hi, hello, I'm Dave♪

♪ You might know me
as Lil Dicky♪

♪ But there's
a lot more to me♪

-♪ Don't you wanna know
who I am?♪
-♪ Not really♪

♪ Do you wanna meet
the guy behind the guy?♪

♪ Do you wanna know what
the industry's like?♪

♪ What a strange life I have♪

♪ Got me trippin'
like whoa, whoa, whoa♪

♪ Dave, you're a rapper?
Oh, no♪

♪ Bowel movements lookin'
like Dippin' Dots♪

♪ Probably 'cause I don't eat
fruits and vegetables♪

♪ Approached by aggressive
white men on the regular♪

♪ I gotta record
with a neck pillow on my neck♪

♪ 'Cause the ergonomics
of my desk ain't right♪

♪ My nose gets stuffed
every night♪

♪ I'm fidgety♪

♪ I'm fidgety, I twitch♪

♪ I'm fidgety♪

-♪ I'm v neurotic♪
-♪ Whoa, whoa♪

♪ Yes, I know that I'm a rapper
at the end of the day♪

♪ But I think it's time
you knew me♪

♪ By my government name,
hi, I'm Dave♪

-♪ I'm Lil Dicky♪
-♪ Hi, I'm Dave♪

-♪ Who's Dave?♪
-♪ Hi, I'm Dave.♪

You don't want
to be like me, okay?

[ALL LAUGHING]

[SCREECHING SOFTLY]

Yeah, we do.

[SCREAMS]

No, you don't.