03x03 - Hearsay

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Dave". Aired: March 4, 2020 – present.*
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Series stars a fictionalized version of Lil Dicky, a suburban neurotic man in his late twenties who has convinced himself that he's destined to be one of the best rappers of all time.
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03x03 - Hearsay

Post by bunniefuu »

GATA: Man, y'all ain't gonna believe this.

n*gga, we had the club lit.

That sh*t was going up,
I'm telling y'all, man.

We was in the section,
me and LD, popping bottles,

whoopty whoop, with the whole squad, bro.

Look, check this sh*t out.

The whole lineup

of the Dallas m*therf*cking Cowboys.

g*dd*mn. Hey, peep that, bro.

- Damn.
- That's CeeDee Lamb right there, dawg.

STRETCH: Man, this
is like a f*cking movie.

Man, f*ck a movie. This my reality now, bro.

I was in there with three
baddies at the dinner, bro.

Eating at the same time.

Hey, bro, you VMA Gata now.

- Huh, I heard that.
- Come on, now. Hey, you remember

kicking it with Gata back in the day?

He used to live here.

How would I not remember? (SCOFFS)

Hey, man, that was, like,
a decade ago. I don't know

- how no damn eight-year-old mind work, bro.
- (SCOFFS)

So, I see you pulled up
to Icebox today, huh?

Man, I had to go get iced out, bro.

Got that rose gold Cuban bust down.

That sh*t go crazy. Hey, that's
much better than that sh*t

from the swap meet that turned
your g*dd*mn neck green, bro.

- (MALIK CHUCKLES)
- For real.

Y'all must be making
some real bread on tour.

Man, f*ck tour. I got hit songs coming out.

Future earnings. Hey,
LD, tell them about that song

I got with Rick Ross the Boss.

- n*gga, that sh*t hard.
- Whoo.

You know, I'm not sure
I'd call it a song quite yet.

My friend Benny made a b*at
that Rick Ross rapped to,

like, five years ago.
Now, that Rick Ross verse

is on Benny's hard drive. He took that,

added his own verse to it, but, like,

Rick Ross doesn't know he exists.

- It's a whole clearance...
- Man, nobody give a f*ck about

- them details like that, dawg.
- Just...

Ross gonna remember me, bro.

Trust me. I got him some gas-ass weed,

got him the lemon pepper pizza,

and he gonna be at the strip club tonight.

We gonna turn that sh*t up,
and we gonna get that verse.

Sure, sorry.

I'm just dealing with this situation.

You guys know who k*ller Mike is, right?

- BOTH: Hell yeah.
- Bro, f*ck you mean?

So, earlier today I tweeted, "Atlanta,

holler at your boy tonight."

He took that tweet,

retweeted it with the comment,

"I don't know about this man."

What does he mean by that?

"I don't know about this man."

Does he mean, like, "I don't
know about this tweet, man,"

or "I don't know about
this man," like my soul?

He real political for sure, bro.

Like, he one of them folks

that's trying to keep
the courtrooms from using

rap lyrics as evidence
and all that sh*t. Like, he real

pivotal in the Black community.

What does that have to do with me?

Is he, like, implying that I'm, like,

bad for the Black community?

Bro, didn't you say you called him a boy?

I didn't call him a boy.
I said, "Holler at your boy."

- I'm the boy in that situation.
- STRETCH: Oh...

Bro, you know, Twitter be having

miscommunications and sh*t.

- Yeah.
- DAVE: Like... he goes online

and starts talking sh*t
without even knowing me?

That's such... hearsay.

Sound like you in
a real conundrum, my brother.

Well, what do I say back to him?

I've, like, already written three drafts,

- and I keep deleting it.
- Hey, Stretch,

this is a rental, bro. We in the trenches.

You think I can pull this
around back, or what?

I got some blankets we can put over

that m*therf*cker, you feel me?

- ♪ Hi, I'm Dave ♪
- ♪ I'm Lil Dicky ♪

♪ Hi, I'm Dave ♪

- ♪ Who's Dave? ♪
- ♪ Hi, I'm Dave. ♪

♪ Draped in all designer ♪

♪ Draped in all designer ♪

♪ Draped in all desi gner,
draped in all designer ♪

♪ I got all exotic b*tches... ♪

- Stretch.
- (GRUNTS)

Look at Dave over there,
bossed up with Ross.

Can't believe I manifested
getting that verse.

ID's really over there putting that work in,

connecting them dots.

- What's up, baby?
- Hi.

- Hi. Want to touch me?
- Honestly, I didn't, I didn't expect...

Uh, no. If I touched you, I'd
get a full-on boner. I can't.

No, I will get hard, and if I...

Don't get me a lap dance, whatever you do,

'cause any friction will make me hard.

- Yo, yo, yo, yo.
- Any...

- Yo.
- Oh, please, every guy gets erect.

Chill the f*ck out.

It's not my control. Honestly, I-I...

My f*cking -year-old cousin,
during Thanksgiving,

was sitting on my lap. We watched a movie,

and I was, like, proud
that nothing even moved.

You know what I mean?

What about me hitting on you?

Is that, like, normal?
Oh, I blocked your throw. Sorry.

You want to go over there?

Hell yeah, I'm trying to go over there.

- What you mean?
- All right.

You got to put this on for me, big homie.

- Bro, what the f*ck?
- Bro, come on, man.

I'm trying to look official,
like a referee with a whistle.

All right, bro. I'm sacrificing
p*ssy for your ass...

Bro...

Whenever I throw it,

it doesn't even make it to the woman.

It, like, falls short. Ah,

- that one grazed her ass.
- You got to work on it, man.

You know, I didn't
sell my show out tonight, and

part of me thinks it's 'cause
k*ller Mike tweeted about me.

Do you know k*ller Mike? Do you like him?

- What's your deal with him?
- I know k*ller Mike.

Do you like him, or do you f*cking hate him?

That's the homie.

- He one of those.
- One of... Yeah.

Hey, hey, hey.

- Damn, bro.
- Hey, come on.

Hey, watch out now.
I'm security for him, bro.

One of those smart m*therf*ckers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He seems...

Connected in the community type sh*t.

Yeah, so that's kind of why
I'm a little bit frazzled

by the whole thing. Imagine being me...

Frazzled? What the f*ck
does that mean? (LAUGHS)

- (LAUGHS) Yeah.
- The f*ck is frazzled?

Hey, let me ask a personal question.

Talk to me.

How much did that chain cost?

This right here?

Yeah.

Quarter.

Oh, only grand.

- That's not so bad.
- Oh, no, no.

- Quarter million dollars.
- No.

Stop. That's $ , ?

- What's the reason that you... Yeah.
- Yo, yo, check this out.

It's actually priceless.

- Yeah.
- And just because you really my guy,

- turn around.
- Stop. Really?

Right now.

Oh, my God.

- 'Cause you my little homie.
- Wow. Cool.

Quarter million dollars on your neck.

Hey, you don't see Lil Dicky
over there? I'm his hype man.

That's our folks, man.
That's our folks. He talk...

He chopping it up with Rick Ross
right now. g*dd*mn.

Tomorrow I got something
really special going on.

- What?
- A Black Brilliance brunch.

The biggest Black entrepreneurs, athletes,

hustlers all under one roof.

And I get to go?

- You gonna fit right in.
- (BOTH LAUGH)

- No, no, no, no. - Hey, man.
- Dave!

- STRETCH: Hey, come on, man.
- GATA: Come get us, dude.

Oh, you know what? Oh.

Ooh...

- I'll be right back.
- GATA: Dave.

- STRETCH: Hey.
- GATA: Come on, man.

DAVE: Right on. Th-They're with me.

See? I told you we supposed to be over here.

You got to relax, fall back.

- ALL: Hey!
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

- Look at that sh*t!
- Oh, yeah.

Damn. He let you hold the piece like that?

Honestly, I feel a little
Malibu's Most Wanted-esque

right now. I'm probably gonna
just give it back to him.

- (HIP-HOP PLAYING)
- (CROWD CHATTER)

Where did he go?

What the f*ck?

Excuse me.

Do you know where Rick Ross went?

He gone.

(DOOR CHIMES) - I can't
believe he just left this with me.

- It means he trusts you.
- It means he rich.

It means he lacks judgment.

But did you see the way that
me and him were vibing in there?

(SCOFFS) Yeah.

I mean, I felt like a bad bitch.

- (CHUCKLES)
- I really did.

It was incredible. He invited me
to a brunch tomorrow.

- Stop lying.
- Yeah, look.

Wow.

Damn, it's about to be on and popping, bro.

Future, Baby, Gucci gonna be there.
Everyone's gonna be there.

Aw, that sh*t is sick. And
you can give him the chain,

and I can get the verse tomorrow.

Yeah, I can give him the chain
tomorrow. No problem.

It's actually incredibly convenient.

Hmm, but what if k*ller Mike is there?

(SCOFFS) Whatever.

Well, I'm just saying, he could be.

Man, you need to be seen in them spots

like that, wiggling and gandering.

You take a picture with Rick Ross,

you're legitimized. f*ck k*ller Mike.

(MOUTH FULL):
I feel like some people just, like,

have a complex where they feel like

they have to prove something, you know?

You know what the f*ck going on.

- Yeah, boy. - Oh, sh*t.
- Come on.

- Keep 'em up. - f*ck, dawg.
- (CHOKING)

- Come on, man.
- Keep 'em up. Keep 'em up,

n*gga. The f*ck wrong with you?

- Yeah, keep 'em up.
- (DAVE CHOKING)

DUGGY: What the f*ck wrong
with this n*gga, man?

Yo, I... yo, I think he choking, bro.

- Shut the hell up.
- You all right, bro?

No, I think he choking, bro.

Yo, yo, yo, do that "Himlis" "Helmet" sh*t.

What the f*ck is "Him let"?

Whatever that sh*t y'all be pressing.

Now do that sh*t on the n*gga ass.

n*gga, I-I think I know how to do that sh*t.

- Um...
- (CHOKING)

DUGGY: Don't touch him, stupid ass.

You're gonna leave
m*therf*cking evidence on him.

I'm gonna get fingerprints
on the n*gga's skin, bro?

DUGGY: On his shirt, dumb-ass, boy.

- You all right, bro?
- (COUGHS)

(GASPS)

The f*ck wrong with this n*gga?

- GATA: You good?
- It was a hot dog.

DUGGY: A hot dog?

- Hey, give me that sh*t.
- (SCREAMS) Take it!

- All right, all right, all right, bro.
- Come on.

DAVE: Very valuable
chain, take that chain.

What's in that pocket?

Okay, here, take the cash.
I didn't pay for the cash.

Wait, but can I have my driver's license?

It's so hard to go back to the DMV.

Can't believe this sh*t.

Man, I do know how it is, though, the DMV...

- (OVERLAPPING SHOUTING)
- Okay, don't sh**t.

- Please don't sh**t.
- Get the f*ck down.

(DAVE PANTING)

DAVE: They took the f*cking chain, Gata.

- GATA: f*ck, man.
- (DOOR CHIMES)

- Man, where the f*ck was you at?
- Y'all praying?

Yo, y'all heard anything about a white boy

getting his chain snatched?
Happened about a hour ago.

Man, tap back in if you do. Damn.

Can we just call the police?

Hell nah, we ain't calling the police, bro.

Why you want to get Ross

attached to some sh*t
like this? That's Mickey.

I ain't no rat.

Mickey's a mouse.

(SCOFFS) - I feel like we can
just explain to Rick what happened,

and he'll understand.
He's a reasonable human being.

Bro, we are not doing that.
You know I've been trying

to get this verse cleared with that n*gga,

man, come on. I got people out here.

- I got you. Hold on.
- (STAMMERS)

(DISCONNECTED TONE PLAYS)

Damn. Phone number don't work.

What is your plan, to, like, reach out

to all your old friends and ask

if they're aware of what
happened in the last two hours

in the city of Atlanta? How is
that, like, a reasonable plan?

Bro, you got to calm down, man.

You don't know how none
of this sh*t work at all, bro.

I guess I don't understand
how any of this works

if you have to, like, wear
a $ , piece of equipment

- to look cooler.
- Bro, you always oversimplifying sh*t.

It's not just about looking cool, Dave.

Okay, what about having your friend wear

a security T-shirt
when he's not a security guard

around you in public just to look cooler?

Is that an oversimplification?

n*gg*s need the chain, for sure.

Did you say "for show" or "fo' sho'"?

Fo' sho'.

(PHONE CHIMES)

DAVE: Oh, my God. Rick Ross just DM'd me.

What?

DAVE: A link.

Yeah, we got a n*gga chain, man.

We got that m*therf*cker, n*gga.

- Hell yeah.
- Hell yeah, bring the bag, homeboy.

Oh, no.

- What? Tell me.
- Look at it, look at this.

Oh, no.

Them n*gg*s got the chain, dawg.

Yeah, no sh*t they got the chain.

- They're boasting about it.
- (PHONE RINGING)

Hey, Ross calling you right now.

What? Pick up for me.

Why would I pick up?

My hands are pretty f*cking...

Dude, that ain't got sh*t to do with me.

Pick up, bro. Pick up.

Hey, Rick.

I see my g*dd*mn chain with my name on it

all across the Internet with some bullshit.

I tried so hard to find you in the club,

and I-I couldn't. Like, you weren't there.

I don't know where you went.

Hey, hey, save all that punk sh*t.

You may think you could punk somebody...

No, I don't like to punk people.

I'm totally unaffiliated
with the show Punk'd.

I know that you went on it.

And I saw... I watched the Quibi thing.

I know that moved to Roku.

- I know all about that.
- f*ck Roku.

I don't think that people

are gonna know that
it's your chain necessarily.

It's just an "R." Couldn't it be, like,

Robert De Niro's chain?

They tagging me!

Stop licking your m*therf*cking fingers.

Get your thumb out your ass.

And you better get it back now.

I'll make sure you ain't good nowhere.

And that's on God.

We k*ll about mine.

They die about mine.

No... (STAMMERS) So...

f*ck.

- Let me see that, bro.
- If he starts talking

about me online, too, like, honestly,

I'm gonna be fully blackballed.

Hey, I got it, come on. I know...
Hey, we got to go.

I know where to go. I see the n*gga fur.

Who the f*ck is Fur?

Yo. Almost d idn't recognize
you with them dreads.

- I know, huh.
- When the last time I seen you?

sh*t, Lil Marco memorial.

(GROANS) Yup.

You know you could've just called a n*gga

instead of bum-rushing me
in the middle of the night

like you the police.

GATA: Man, you know I done had

ten numbers since I lived out here.

What you doing in town anyway?

sh*t, I'm just on tour right now.

- That's right.
- Yup.

Your sister told me you was doing good

- with the music.
- Mm-hmm.

She come to your show tonight?

I don't be talking to her like that.

ART: Oh, I feel you.

Doesn't your sister live in L. A.?

That's my cousin.

Your sister is your cousin?

Yeah.

What?

What the f*ck is that?

- (ART LAUGHS)
- GATA: Damn.

- That's crazy.
- That right there, cuh,

unbelievable.

Finna make a k*lling.

We got about of them off the truck.

- Wow, so cool.
- GATA: Hey, unc.

You see this jacket right here?

You sell that to anybody?

And do you recognize these voices?

(DUGGY AND BINGO SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY ON VIDEO)

- What if I do?
- I need that info, man.

These n*gg*s snatched a chain from us.

They trying to flip it and get some money.

But it's not just any chain.

They snatched Rick Ross chain.

I can't go out like that.
That's bad for him,

and it's bad for me. All you got
to do is give me a phone number.

I'll do the rest.

Don't worry about nothing.
Just give me the number.

Nephew, you ain't supposed to be
tangled up in all this, n*gga.

Come on, unc.

Please.

Sit.

Oh.

(LINE RINGING)

(WHISPERS): Come on.

DUGGY (OVER PHONE): Hello.

Hey, what's up?

It's the dude you stole the chain from.

How the hell y'all get my number anyway?

Man, don't worry about all that.

I seen your corny-ass post on Instagram.

How much the f*ck y'all want to get it back?

- We need bands.
- Lower the aggro level.

Bro, we ain't no b*tches, though.

- Hello?
- I am a bitch.

- Bro, we got...
- Start operating under, like,

that we're half-bitch.

- Hello?
- Would you pay for it?

Are you f*cking kidding?

Would I pay $ , of my own money? No.

Bro, $ , is like five dollars to you.

$ , is $ , .
What are you talk... what?

You have no idea what my finances are.

They're not as good as you think they are,

- if you're talking this way. No.
- Hey, man, you on the phone

right now, you got f*cking five minutes...

Hey, man, y'all know who chain that is, man.

He ain't trying to make this
issue bigger than it already is.

And Ross ain't coming
out of pocket for this sh*t.

And he ain't trying to go to w*r either.

Hey.

If you get us a Rick Ross
feature, bro, we all good.

I'm-a tell you now, my...
I'm a man of my word, man.

(MOUTHING) - If Rick Ross
give us a verse, we'll be good, bro.

They just need a Rick Ross
feature? You already have one.

Just give 'em the thing
on your hard drive from Benny.

Hell nah. That's my Ross verse.

You know how hard it was
to get that from Benny?

It wasn't hard at all.
It was a f*cking We Transfer.

Do you have $ , you want to spend, Gata?

- (SIGHS)
- Hello?

All right, fine.

- You're still on mute.
- Oh, f*ck.

All right, fine.

We gonna get you the verse

and we gonna get the chain back,
straight like that.

I'm-a text you the address.
Come in the morning.

- No funny business.
- And thank you so much for working with us.

- Really appreciate it. What...
- Relax, bro. g*dd*mn.

- MIKE: What? What is it? Hurry up!
- Not up, but

Down... down, down!

- Yeah, not in, but...
- Around!

- Go downtown.
- What? No.

- Uh, down and out!
- (MIKE SHOUTS)

Yes!

- (LAUGHS)
- ELZ: Okay, go, go, go.

- Okay, uh, it's a corporate entity.
- EMMA: Yeah.

They've been stealing our data

and selling it behind our backs
for way too long.

- BOTH: Facebook!
- Yeah!

Facebook, but it's a-a movie.

- Oh, The Social Network!
- Social Network!

Here I go! Okay.

It goes on your toes.

Oh, like a lube! Come!

- No, it goes on your feet.
- Come? Nail polish!

- No, uh... Ugh!
- Oh, my God!

- Jesus Christ.
- Oh, sh*t. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- It was foot fungus.
- Oh, my God. Holy sh*t.

- Foot fungus.
- EMMA: f*ck, dude.

God, these are dry-clean only.

Party foul. You got to pay for the pants.

Yo, I'm sorry.

I'll just wash the pants.
I'll wash the pants.

He can't f*cking pay for the pants.

He owes me f*cking, like, bucks.

MIKE: You owe her money?

- You owe me $ .
- EMMA: You fucker.

- Okay, okay, okay.
- MIKE: You owe everybody money.

I get it, I get it. Ha, ha, ha.

Jesus, just leave it.

- What's wrong?
- I know.

- Calm down.
- We're just kidding around.

Dude, I'm just...

I'm broke.

What do you mean, like,
you're a broken soul?

No, no, man, like, I'm broke.

Dude, I haven't gotten paid
for a publishing on

any of these songs that I made
'cause they never came out.

You know, I hate to ask for money.

That's why I hated asking you two.

I was tired of asking my parents.

I know they're tired
of me asking, and it's like...

Dude, I haven't gotten a haircut
in three weeks, bro.

- Your hair looks fine.
- I feel crazy. That's what you tell me

- because you have to tell me that.
- EMMA: Yeah, it looks fine.

You're being nice. It's okay.

Yeah, listen, when you're Black,

you need a lineup every f*cking week.

You're not my only Black friend,
for... news flash, buddy.

I've had lots of Black friends,

and-and they all have hair

that looks a lot like yours.

- (BOTH LAUGH)
- But it's not a big deal.

We're gonna be all white.

- All right. Ah...
- (BOTH LAUGH)

- That is the worst thing to tell...
- I am gonna be all white.

You're all Black, and I'm all white!

- (SHOUTING, WHOOPING)
- You're all Black,

- and I'm all white!
- You're gonna knock this over!

BOTH (CHANTING): Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

- Yo.
- MAN: What's up, man. You Mike?

- Yeah.
- Okay, cool.

- So I'm cutting you?
- Uh, no, no, no.

Him. Elz.

Yo. I got you a barber, man.

Gonna get you all lined up
before the brunch later today.

Surprise.

Oh, n*gga, I thought that was Gata.

He does not look like Gata to me.

- You have to say that. You have to say that.
- Okay.

- But I love you.
- Okay.

- Thank you. Yeah.
- We do this a lot. It's okay.

- They said go around back?
- Yeah.

I mean, this is such
a stressful situation, man.

- Like, between Rick Ross or them, I...
- Damn it, man. sh*t.

Stretch ain't even gonna be able
to make it, man. He just told me

- he can't get off work in time.
- Stretch was supposed to come?

You said we didn't even need
to come with people.

I know you ain't used
to this type of sh*t, bro,

but you need some adversity, bro.

You fall down seven times, you get up eight.

What the f*ck are you talking...?

Enough with these phrases and -isms.

Why would I have to get up eight times

if I've only fallen down seven?

The math doesn't even add up.

Because we started on the ground.

We got it out the mud, bro.

Let's go, man.
Bad sh*t happen to good people.

- We fixing it.
- (SIGHS)

♪ Crunching on that data ♪

♪ I've been chain-swinging ♪

♪ Catch a n*gga and knock your face off... ♪

Hey, make sure you double up
on that wham, man.

- That sh*t go crazy. Don't even lie.
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)

JUNE: Yo.

- Y'all come in, man.
- (DOOR CREAKS)

(HIP-HOP SONG CONTINUES)

(MUSIC STOPS)

Good morning.

How you guys doing?

Y'all got the chain?

sh*t. Y'all got the verse?

He's got it on a hard drive.

Yeah, but y'all don't even realize

what y'all got in front of y'all right now.

You don't want no Rick Ross verse.

You want a Lil Dicky verse.

JUNE: n*gga, who is Lil Dicky?

Who the f*ck is Lil Dicky?

Wait, you guys have
never heard of me at all?

- No, sir. (CHUCKLES)
- Hell nah.

Wait, wait, hold on, you...
Are you Jack Harlow?

DUGGY: Swear.

n*gga, you better not be Jack Harlow!

Didn't you just download
his last ten albums?

- You Jack Harlow?
- JUNE: Hey, boy,

- I want a verse right now.
- I'm-I'm not Jack Harlow.

I'm Lil Dicky. What the f*ck
are you guys talking about?

Well, no, you came through looking like

you got a beard and haircut.

DAVE: Why would I be Jack Harlow?

I'm right here in front of you,
a different man.

Man, I-I heard Jay-Z talking about he Hove.

That might be your alter ego.

DAVE: What, are you guys,
like, obsessed with him?

Cool, he's young and, like, strong.

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

Hate don't look good on you,
boy. You wearing it like a shoe.

- What are we talking about? f*ck it. Yeah.
- Man, f*ck all that.

- Yeah, please, change the...
- My n*gga D can really rap.

- Yes.
- You need to check out his videos.

- They get millions of views.
- Hey, look that n*gga up, B.

- Give me a second, give me a second.
- I checked out y'all music.

That sh*t dope as f*ck, I ain't gonna lie.

But y'all rapping about g*ns,
k*lling, stealing.

- All that sh*t.
- BINGO: Yep.

Yep, yep. He-he doing numbers all right.

Don't y'all know what's going on
in the world right now?

You can go to jail for rap lyrics, dawg.

You see what they're doing
with our brothers, Thug.

- That sh*t foul.
- JUNE: I'm saying, though,

how the hell they gonna
g*dd*mn try to g*dd*mn

put an assumption on our work
and paint a big-ass picture

instead of really listening
to us and getting to know us?

- For real.
- This sh*t come from the heart and sh*t.

Really, for fun. This how we get paid.

- It's some bullshit, though.
- GATA: But if you put

a Lil Dicky verse on there, though,

you're kind of protected.

It could be a comedy, a parody,

whatever you want it to be.

But they ain't gonna use
that sh*t against you in court.

Right, LD?

Yeah.

But look, though, man,
can he really rap, though?

- Yeah.
- JUNE: Show me what you can do, white boy.

DUGGY: For real, do your sh*t.

You know, I'm trying to bring
back the old-school flow.

Like, no one's revisited, like...

♪ My name's Dave and I'm here to say... ♪

- ALL: Man...
- I'm joking!

Pull the mic up. Pull the b*at up. Let's go.

♪ Coming live from the stash house ♪

♪ Taking all of the trash out ♪

♪ High ceiling like Shaq's house ♪

♪ Every time that I rap now,
they don't want me ♪

♪ To pay dues, trapped here
like escape rooms ♪

♪ Heating up like it's late June ♪

♪ Stop believing the fake news, huh, huh ♪

♪ Ain't no doubt about it ♪

♪ My d*ck getting crowded ♪

♪ Why they do me foul now? ♪

♪ f*ck it, buck it, count it, and one, uh ♪

♪ They're calling me soft,
they're not really wrong ♪

♪ I'm rocking velour, uh ♪

♪ You not on a boat,
well, that doesn't matter ♪

♪ We going for shore ♪

♪ No jewelry on me, they took it off me ♪

♪ Like I'm Ben Baller, hey ♪

♪ They got me up in court,
I'm with this set ♪

♪ Like Travis Barker ♪

♪ Ain't no capping with this paper ♪

♪ Like a Magic Marker ♪

♪ They can't jack it,
I'm a fire starter... ♪

♪ Wait, wait... ♪

Have you guys ever done a skit before?

- Uh...
- Hell nah.

Give me that velour outfit, n*gga.

- Sure, anything...
- Give me your shoes, too, bro.

Please don't hurt me.
I'll do f*cking anything.

We gonna tie you up, bro.

Say less.

- Hey.
- (LAUGHTER)

♪ In and out the back quick ♪

♪ They cannot see me like I'm back lit ♪

♪ Everybody told me I was bat sh*t ♪

♪ Now they looking past like a has-been ♪

♪ Stay up in the back like an ad-lib ♪

♪ They ain't really crackin'
like a ChapStick lip ♪

♪ They don't want to see the Lil d*ck kid ♪

♪ Growing any bigger than he is ♪

♪ But I swing big, don't I? ♪

♪ I'm smokin' marijuana ♪

♪ I want to sit down
and just chop it up, Benihana ♪

♪ I'm cold-blooded with this
sh*t, I'm comin' like iguana ♪

♪ They should never really judge
us for this sh*t, Your Honor ♪

♪ That would be, mm, H-E-A-R-say ♪

♪ Why, that's hearsay,
mobbin' with the g*ng... ♪

- Hey, get over a little bit, bro.
- No, hold it vertical, Gata.

♪ Y'all don't know a thing 'bout us ♪

♪ Baby, that is clear as day ♪

♪ I'm just with my friends ♪

♪ Smokin' marijuana... ♪

- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- ♪ H-E-A-R-say ♪

♪ Why, that's hearsay ♪

♪ Mobbin' with the g*ng ♪

♪ If you hatin', then it's fear-based... ♪

You're great. You're a great engineer.

I'll work with you any f*cking day.

You know...

- we don't have to stop hanging out.
- (MUSIC STOPS)

sh*t. Y'all-y'all can stay
in Atlanta long as y'all want.

Yeah. Yeah, that's cool, yeah.

- Wow.
- Yo, the floors are marble.

- Damn...
- g*dd*mn.

DAVE: Mr. Ross.

GATA: You think Rozay cut the
grass with his luxury John Deere?

DAVE: I think someone who works
for him might have a John Deere.

GATA: Rozay, where you at?

(SNEEZES, GROANS)

Hey, when is this guy arriving?

I have, like, a nuclear b*mb in my pocket.

- I got to get this chain out.
- Bro, you got to relax.

He gonna be here when he be here.

You know he's not gonna be on time.

Oh!

Those guys that robbed
us followed me on Instagram.

- What?
- Yeah.

I told you the streets
gonna f*ck with you, bro.

One mutual friend...

- Stretch.
- What?

Let me see that.

I guess Atlanta is a small world.

- But...
- (MUTTERS) This sh*t is crazy.

Hey. I got to go check on something, dawg.

I'm about to go handle something real quick.

Wait, you think that...?

MAN (IN DISTANCE): k*ller Mike!

(EXHALES) f*ck.

♪ ♪

(WIND WHOOSHING)

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ No, no, no, no, no, no ♪

♪ No, no, no, no, no, no ♪

♪ No... ♪

Hey, man.

You were the first person
I ever saw live in concert.

And I actually give women
lap dances because of you.

So thank you for...

Man, what you say, bitch?

I said that you're, like,
my biggest inspiration.

My live show is modeled after yours.

Yeah, my bad. All right, yo.

I thought you was on
some disrespectful sh*t, bro.

- I ain't even know. Appreciate that, man.
- No.

- How are you, man? Yeah.
- I'm good.

Well, actually, I'm not good.

I'm in a little bit of an online beef

with k*ller Mike.

- Ah.
- I've never met the man.

He's here. How do I handle this?

Well, I mean, you...

Probably guess you'll have
to b*at his ass, man.

Oh.

Between me and you,
I don't think there's, like,

a Black person years or up

that I'd feel comfortable fighting.

- Yeah.
- Like, debate? What about a debate?

No, bro, he really, really smart.

He's that smart? You know
him and that he's that smart?

Yeah.
I'm telling you, man, listen.

- This game will eat you up, bro.
- Yeah.

You know how many people said
I was like a dancey-dancey,

chicken noodle soup-eating-ass m*therf*cker?

You know what I'm saying?
But you ain't never hear them

say that sh*t twice, I promise you.

- (WHISPERS): Promise you.
- Yeah.

Have-have you fought?

Have you fought men?

- (STAMMERS)
- Good talking to you, man.

- Okay, thank you. So nice to meet you.
- Yeah.

So they gonna... they gonna spin around?

All right, I ain't gonna look at it.

It's gonna make me dizzy, g*dd*mn.

I'm-a sh**t it. Boo, boo, boo.

Hey! Come up here, my boy.

Come on, man. Let's do this thing, dawg.

- Oh, you know I got to get one with you.
- You feel me?

Out the mud with it.
Looking like new money, huh?

- Can't believe I called you the big homie.
- (WHOOPING)

- Hey, man...
- You know I know what you did, right?

What you mean?

I know you set us up.

I see right through you, n*gga.

How much they pay you?

Hey. Yo, G, I'm...

I needed the bread.

I didn't want to have
to ask you for no money

and be that guy, man, I...

(SCOFFS) Some things just must be done.

Look, I appreciate you for
understanding, fam, for real.

Nah, like us.

We done.

What you mean?

G, come on, man.

What you mean...

DAVE: I'll also have two
Cristalinos, please.

Thank you.

(EXHALES)

How did that go?

You're so damn lucky you're you, dawg.

People ain't asking you for sh*t.

You ain't got no extra weight
on your shoulders,

no baggage, dawg.

Like, it's like crabs
in a bucket where I'm from, bro.

This sh*t is crazy.

You have an eyelash. Can I get it?

(GATA EXHALES)

- Okay, now make a wish.
- (SCOFFS)

Sorry.

I wish I wasn't at this party
right now, bro.

I can't even understand
how he would do that to you.

It's something you would
never understand, bro.

DAVE: Well, makes you feel any better,

Rick Ross is here.

- Let's go talk to him.
- Talk to him?

He just want to get the chain back.

I'm-I'm not even in the right head space

to be going over there.

You've done this for me a million times,

I'm gonna do it to you right now.

You're the f*cking man.

You hear me? You are the f*cking one.

I know you're going
through some sh*t right now.

I can't even fathom how that feels, but...

he's right there. Your dream is right there.

You've waited, what, ten
f*cking years for this moment?

Are you really gonna
let this ruin your life?

- Nah, bro. You right.
- Right?

What did you say earlier? You said,

"Fall seven times, get up eight"?

- Get up eight.
- Get up eight, right?

This will be the eighth time or whatever.

This is the f*cking moment where
you got to go do this sh*t.

- Let's do it.
- All right? We have a whole chain

to give him, we have
a conversation, we have an in.

Go give him this.

- Snap out of it.
- (EXHALES) Let's go.

- Let's go.
- Let's go f*cking do it.

Hey, Rozay?

Got something for you, champ.

Ooh.

Yeah. Good looking out for this, homie.

And hopefully I didn't get y'all
tied up in no sh*t, did I?

Nah, that sh*t was a breeze.

Depends how you look at life.

But you know who really came
through is this guy Gata.

(MOUTHS) -I would never
have... Well, I'm just saying,

we would never... I was just a passenger,

and no... he totally got the
whole situation taken care of.

If you don't know Gata,

I would never be me if it wasn't for him.

You guys got to know him...
He's a great rapper,

great artist, all of that.

Hey, you remember that one time

you was in the "A," you was low on bud?

I had to re-up for you, man.
I went out there

and got it out the mud,
you know what I'm saying?

Had that grams for the low.

Wasn't a lot, but...

Yo, I came through with that
lemon pepper pizza, though.

- You ain't never had that.
- I remember that.

- Yeah, bro.
- You saved the weekend with that sh*t.

Oh, good looking, bro.

- Look at you now, though.
- Had to stop by Icebox

to get a little, you know what
I'm saying, somethin'-somethin'.

Red n*gga got big minks.
I see you with the ice on.

Like you say, "for no reason."

ROSS: sh*t, I'm-a be here for a couple days.

Come by the studio. Pull up.

- Oh, yeah.
- Let's make some magic.

GATA: Oh, fo' sho'. We
gonna make some magic.

- Matter of fact...
- You with it?

Yeah... hell yeah, I'm with it.
Matter of fact,

I got this record that you already on.

I just need you to clear it for me.

Um...

k*ller Mike.

You tweeted about me,
and I have spent all day stewing

about how I was gonna respond to this.

But I realized today
that if I take one-tenth

of the energy that I've spent
trying to prove to you

that I'm not bad for the Black community

towards actually doing good
for the Black community,

I would be such a better human being.

- So...
- Who are you?

- Who am I?
- Yeah. Who-who are you?

You just gave me a diatribe
about me tweeting you.

I don't know who you are. Who are you?

Lil Dicky, the rapper.

- I'm on tour...
- Oh.

The tweet where I said
I don't know about this guy.

I didn't... No, I don't...

No, not that I didn't know about you.

The homie was just turning me on to you.

Like, you're... You rap, right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, I just didn't know who you were.

Oh.

- Yeah.
- Oh.

But it does sound like you got
a lot of internal conflict

and a lot of questioning your own character

in terms of social justice
and what you can do to help...

Yeah. I am.

...my community,
and if-if that's the case,

don't live in the abstract.

Don't live in the social justice
world of Twitter or IG.

Yeah.

Like, how would you feel
about donating , bucks

to a Black bank?

Uh, yeah.

I'd feel really good about that.

Uh, $ , is...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, I said ,

but if you're willing to do ,
that's showing people

"I put my money where my mouth is."

- Yeah, I misheard.
- I'm-a tell...

But I-I think...

is what I want to do.

Yeah, 'cause , like...
Th-This chain is over grand.

Chains are really expensive, huh?

Well, chains mean something sacred.

- You know, in my community.
- Right.

But I f*ck with you for f*cking
with Black people.

- Thank you.
- The -band man.

- -band man.
- That's my man,

the -band man.

♪ Heads up ♪

Yeah.

♪ Heads up ♪

♪ Here's another one and a ♪

♪ And another one ♪

♪ Yeek, yeek, whoop, whoop,
why you all in my ear? ♪

♪ Talking a whole bunch of sh*t ♪

♪ That I ain't trying to hear,
get back, m*therf*cker ♪

♪ You don't know me like that ♪

♪ Get back, m*therf*cker,
you don't know me like that ♪

♪ Yeek, yeek, whoop, whoop,
I ain't playing around ♪

♪ Make one false move, I'll take you down ♪

♪ Get back, m*therf*cker,
you don't know me like that ♪

♪ Get back, m*therf*cker ♪

♪ You don't know me like that ♪

♪ Whoo, s-so come on, come on ♪

♪ Don't get swung on, swung on ♪

♪ It's the knick-knack paddywhack ♪

♪ Still ride in Cadillacs,
family off the street ♪

♪ Made my homies put the baggies back ♪

♪ Still stacking plaques, yep,
still action-packed, yep ♪

♪ And dough, I keep it
flipping like acrobats ♪

♪ That's why I pack a MAC
that'll cr*ck 'em back ♪

♪ 'Cause on my waist, there's more heat ♪

♪ Than the Shaq att*ck ♪

♪ But I ain't speaking
'bout balling, balling ♪

♪ Just thinking about brawling
till y'all start bawling ♪

♪ We all in together now,
birds of a feather now ♪

♪ Just bought a plane so
we changing the weather now ♪

♪ So put your brakes on,
caps, put your capes on ♪

♪ Or knock off your block, get dropped ♪

♪ And have your face flown
'cause I'll prove... ♪
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