02x10 - Nell Goes Door To Door

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪



♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪


♪ It's time I made it to the top ♪


♪ Gimme a break, I'm looking forward ♪


♪ Get behind me, pull out every stop ♪


♪ I want a happy ending, I'm tired of pretending ♪


♪ Won't let 'em get the best of me ♪


♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa


♪ Gimme a break


♪ The game is survival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ And plan my arrival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ For heaven's sake


♪ What happened to my piece of the cake? ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Oh, gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break!


♪ Hey, gimme a break


If this stuff is supposed to work like magic,


How come I have to be here to help it?


Nell!


Ooh, baby, you alive? I'm sorry.


Just trying to make it easier


For the undertaker to slip your socks on.


Sorry.


[ Doorbell rings ]


Why does the doorbell always have to ring


Right after you've had your feet waxed?


That's so you won't sit around


And get that yellow waxy buildup.


But I'll get it, since I'm facing that way.


Thanks.


Angie!


Hi, nell, I got over as fast as I could.


Oh, that's nice, angie. Why?


Oh, I bet you think I've changed my mind.


No, sweetheart, you can't change what you don't have.


[ Giggling ]


I think I forgot to call to ask


If I could borrow what I forgot to call for


Before I came over your house.


Angie...


Read my lips.


What do you want to borrow?


Your big suitcase.


Okay, my big suitcase. Why?


You going home to visit your mama?


I'm going on a mexican cruise


In a boat.


Well, it beats the hell out of those train cruises.


Gee, nell, why don't you come along?


Oh, I wish I could, honey,


But...i'm a little short this month.


Oh, as long as you have the money,


They don't care how tall you are.


Angie, there's a dead bird


Stuck in the windmill of your mind.


What I was trying to say is that I'm busted, I'm broke --


I don't have any money.


"Yes, I was that way, too --


"Say friend's name here --


Until a fabulous opportunity came my way."


Who are you talking to in there?


"Look -- say friend's name here --


"I know it's hard to believe,


"But you, too, can be -- continued on the next page...


...and like me, earn over $ , in your spare time."


Hey, can I get in on that, too?


I'm saving up for a new catcher's mitt.


Uh, sweetheart, I got the feeling


This is only for adults.


Is angie an adult?


Shh!


Why don't you go in the kitchen


And check out those brownies I just baked, okay?


Nell, if you're trying to bribe me, it worked.


Well, angie, why don't you tell me


Exactly how you go about getting this $ , .


That's kind of hard to explain.


No, it ain't. Just tell me what you do.


I'm really not supposed to tell.


Angie, does this require you


Standing on the street corner in hot pants?


Oh, no, mr. Nichols says [gasps]


I wasn't supposed to tell his name


Or the fact that there's a lot of money involved.


Wait, let me get this straight.


You, angie mcdaniel,


A girl who has to take off her blouse to count to two...


...you make $ ,


In your spare time...


Legally.


Look, nell, I've already told you more than I know.


If you want to get in on it, too,


You'll just have to come to the meeting


We're having tonight.


Tonight?


And I wouldn't put it off.


Remember, the early worm gets the bird.



Yeah, that's right.


And a rolling moss gets stone.


Take it from me.


It's the best investment you'll ever make for $ .


Whoo -- $ ? No way, girl.


Okay, I don't want to push you.


But if you change your mind


And decide you'd like to earn lots of extra money


With practically no work at all, call me.


I'll do that.


Have a nice trip.


Bye. Bye-bye.


The girl's crazy.


$ , In your spare time.


[ Laughs ] for no work at all.


Angie!


Angie, wait for me!


[ "We're in the money" playing on organ ]


Oh, welcome! Welcome!


Thank you.


This place looks like emerald city.


Yeah, doesn't mr. Nichols have great taste?


[ Chuckles ]


Who's his decorator? Kermit the frog?


Angie!


Oh, angie, it's so nice to see you again.


Oh, hi, gale.


I see you've brought a friend with you.


Yes, I did.


Hi, I'm gale nichols.


Nell harper.


Oh, do you two know each other?


We are so proud of angie. She's just amazing!


Yeah, she gets lots of calls from "that's incredible."


Oh, why don't you just sit down, please?


Thank you.


[ "We're in the money" continues ]


Hi, there. Hello, hello!


Welcome, welcome.


My name is stanley nichols, and I feel the magic.


Do you feel the magic?


[ Cheering ]


Uh, don't you feel the magic?


I-i'm a slow feeler.


I can relate to that.


Let me put it to you this way. Who wants to get rich?


I do! I do! I do! I do!


Who wants to drive a shiny new mercedes?


I do! I do! I do! I do!


Who wants to pay for everything with $ bills?


I do! I do! I do! I do!


My friends, you can have it all


With just three little words.


Stick 'em up!


Amazing amaze-o-vac!


[ Crowd gasps ]


Excuse me.


You want us to hustle vacuum cleaners?


I see we have a doubter amongst us.


Right.


This is one sucker


That ain't gonna sell that sucker to nobody.


Madam, wait.


You see this suit? Amaze-o-vac bought it for me.


You see this lovely home? Amaze-o-vac bought that, too.


You see gale here?


Hold it, sucker.


We fell in love when he showed me his amaze-o-vac.


I guess it does pick up trash.


And it's a cinch selling amaze-o-vac 'cause --


And this is the best part --


You begin by selling to your friends and relations.


Oh, please. I could never take money from my friends


Nor my family.


Let me ask you a question.


Uh, your friends ever give you money?


Your friends ever pay your bills?


They don't even pay their own bills.


When was the last time a relative


Took you on an expense-paid vacation?


Does a trip to kmart count?


Remember the silver rule --


Do unto others before they do it on you.


Right on!


This is crazy.


Crazy?


Ha ha ha ha ha ha.


This lady thinks it's crazy!


Come here, my dear.


How would you like to have beautiful jewelry?


[ Crowd gasps ]


How would you like a full-length mink coat?


[ Crowd gasps ]


How would you like to have more money


Than you've ever had in your entire life?


[ Crowd gasps ]


Can you feel it now?


Mmm. I'm getting a tingle.


Wait, one more time.


Ladies and gentlemen, this isn't crazy --



It's a formula for success.


A little easy work plus amazing amaze-o-vac


Equals the american dream!


[ "America the beautiful" playing on organ ]


♪ Amaze-o-vac, amaze-o-vac, you make the bucks roll in ♪


♪ It doesn't hurt to suck up dirt ♪


♪ And get as rich as sin


Do you feel the magic? Do you feel the magic?


Yes. Yay!


[ Cheers and applause ]


Together magic! Magic! Magic! Magic! Magic!


Oh, nell. Hi, grandpa. Am I late for the party?


No, the crowd's not here yet. Did grandma come with you?


No, it's that time of the month.


What did you say?


Her bridge club meets today.


What are we celebrating?


It's a surprise.


[ Doorbell rings ]


That's the bell.


I better see if someone's ringing it.


That girl's ready for the dim bulb hall of fame.


She kind of grows on you.


Yeah, so does hair,


But you've got to have a head to start it.


Grandpa, would you put those chips in that bowl for me?


Oh, you got a real big spread there.


I couldn't open this with my original teeth.


Hurry up, grandpa. They'll be here any minute.


Stuff is stronger than grandma's girdle.


Hurry up, nell. They're all here.


Oh, goodie. Time to party.


Want to dance?


I think we'd better get the food first.


Get nude first -- that sounds like my kind of party.


I like my women tall.


You get the good stuff at eye level.


[ Giggling ]


He's cute.


[ Giggling ]


You two stay here. I'm going to go mingle.


All right?


Simpson!


Oh, I'm so glad you could make it.


Oh, I'd never miss a party, nell.


I'm a real animal. Where's the food?


Oh, well, the dip will be out any minute.


Hi!


See, there she is.


Did you lose something, mrs. Clark?


There I go again. [ Laughs ]


Curiosity k*lled the cat.


Well, it's liable to k*ll some humans, too.


Why don't you come over and have some of my homemade punch?


Oh, I'd love to.


Yeah. Try to keep your nose out of it.


Why, swackhammer, it is so nice of you to come.


So nice of you to ask me --


After four years.


Aw, well, let's just let this be the beginning


Of a new friendship.


I wouldn't bet on it.


Oh, swackhammer, you're a chip off the old buffalo.


Nell, I really love these hors d'oeuvres --


Especially the meatballs.


Well, we are what we eat. Excuse me.


Oh, grandpa, thank you for your help.


Here we go. Wish me luck.


Well, would anyone like something to eat?


Oops, look.


Oh, no.


How are you ever going to clean up that mess?


I'll help you. Down!


Now, just luckily for me, I happen to have amaze-o-vac!


Oh, I loved you in "star wars."


Oh, lucky you -- you have amaze-o-vac.


I always wanted to own one of those things.


Well, I'm gonna show you how you can have your very own


For $ . .


Oh, shizatski, she's gonna sell vacuum cleaners --


Now, ordinarily,


A mess like this would take weeks to clean up.


But if you all gather around, please,


I'm going to show you how to do this in a second.


[ Vacuum turns on ]


Well, now, I know what you're thinking.


I know what you're thinking.


You're thinking, "but, nell, your rug is still dirty."


How'd you know what I was thinking?


You see, with amaze-o-vac,


It has a little switch here that makes me able to just --


I can shift it right into super suck!


[ Vacuum motor becomes louder ]


I'll help you, nell.


I'm so sorry.


Aah!


Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!


Get a load of those buns!


It's out of control.


[ Vacuum turns off ]



Angie, how do you sell these vacuum cleaners?


I've never sold one.


Well, how do you get your money?


I get $ for every new person I bring to mr. Nichols.


Angie, are you trying to tell me


That I'm a bigger fool than you are?


Gosh, no, nell. You're shorter than I am.


Angie, I just want to know how I'm gonna get my $ back.


Oh, that's easy.


You've just got to lay your hands


On five new suckers like you.


I don't have to get five new suckers.


I just have to lay my hands on one fat green slime.


[ Vacuum turns on ]


♪ Amaze-o-vac, amaze-o-vac


♪ You make the bucks roll in


♪ It doesn't hurt to suck up dirt ♪


♪ And get as rich as sin


[ Cheers and applause ]


Stanley wonderful.


Now, if any of you have any further doubts


That amaze-o-vac can make you wealthy, healthy, and happy,


Let's hear a few unsolicited testimonials.


Who has felt the power?


I have! I have.


Why, just last week, I sold enough amaze-o-vacs


To put a new bathroom in my house!


Hallelujah!


You'll be sitting pretty.


Who can top that?


I can, I can!


Last week, I made enough to buy a new organ!


[ Cheers and applause ]


May your new transplant give you joy.


I can do better than that. Wait, wait.


Oh, well, a truly unsolicited testimonial.


How much did you make?


I made enough to get a trip around the world!


[ Cheers and applause ]


Wonderful! Yay.


And next week, she's going to make enough to come back.


Congratulations.


You are living proof


That amaze-o-vac is a wonderful appliance.


Nope, it's a hunk of junk.


Huh? Uh, thank you! I hope you're finished.


Oh, that's funny, mr. Nichols.


I was about to say the same thing to you.


You see, I happen to be close friends


With the chief of police.


Uh, good. Save it for the next meeting.


Yes, and we ran a check on you in washington d.c.


We came up with some interesting facts.


Why, ridiculous!


What are you trying to pull? My name isn't even nichols.


We know everything.


I can take action against you.


You take one step towards me and you'll get a low five.


You can't make charges like that, uh, without proof.


You want proof? He wants proof.


Angie, bring up the proof.


What proof? Just give me your pocketbook.


Nell, don't take that. Shut up, I'm on a roll.


In here, my information says


You've been selling those amaze-o-vacs in --


What's the name of that city? Seattle, but I --


Yes, and we all know what happened in seattle, don't we?


I was acquitted -- of most of the charges.


I bet your wife would love to know --


Wait a minute -- nobody knows about baltimore!


The fuzz does.


Look, honey, how much would you like for that envelope?


I can't sell this envelope.


Not for $ .


No, not for $ .


How about $ ?


Sold.


Nell, you can't do that. You can't --


Listen, the meeting is over.


I'm sorry to tell you that,


Because mr. Nichols has to go on --


A short vacation thanks to amaze-o-vac!


Come, gale.


Bye-bye.


Angie nell.


I know what you're gonna say.


You're gonna say I wouldn't have got into all this trouble


If I had not been so greedy to make a fast buck.


But, lucky for you, I have beauty and brains.


But not when it comes to numbers.


What you trying to say now?


That envelope you just sold for $ ?


It had my $ , cruise ticket to mexico in it.


Well, don't stand there, angie. Kick me where it hurts.


[ Loud voice ] nell, are you awake?


I am now.


[ Normal voice ] good.


Will you help me with my math problem?


Sure, I'll give it a shot.


If "a" runs miles an hour



And "b" runs miles an hour,


How long will it take until "b" catches up with "a"?


"B" will never catch up with "a."


How come?


Well, "b" has been trying to catch up with "a"


Ever since I was in school,


And if it ain't caught it by now,


It ain't gonna catch it.


[ Doorbell rings ]


If that's jack the ripper, let him in.


If it's angie, double-lock the door.


Aah.


♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha ♪


♪ Da di da di da di da


[ Humming ]


Hi, sam. Hi, nell. Olé! I'm back.


That's nice, angie.


How was mexico?


Muy terrifico.


I see you picked up some spanish.


Yeah, and a couple of cute mexicans, too.


Here, I brought some things back.


Sam, for you, I brought a piña colada.


For katie, macaroons.


And for julie, an enchilada.


Oh, I almost forgot.


Thanks a million.


What's that, honey?


Your suitcase.


Yeah, what happened to it?


They don't have x-ray machines in tijuana.


They hit it with a hammer.