07x212 - Juvia vs. Aries! Desert Death Match!

[bunniefuu]

It's hot.

[JUVIA] And completely deserted.

C'mon, Aries!

Where are you?

[AUDIENCE cheers]

[HEAVEN VOICE A] Fairy Tail

Cult Quiz, question number ten!

During Miss Levy's seven-year

stint on Tenrou Island,

who would've been Droy of

Shadow Gear's rebound?

That is, if she

hadn't rejected him.

[CAPRICORN whimpers]

[LEVY]

I think I've got it!

Araña, of Mermaid Heel!

[ringing]

[HEAVEN VOICE A] Correct!

How did you come by that juicy

bit of gossip, Miss Levy?

I don't imagine that

he told you himself!

No, it was just

an educated guess.

Mira mentioned that the two of

them worked the same job once.

[HEAVEN VOICE A] Well done!

And now it's time for

Mr. Capricorn's punishment!

Wait! No!

Can we talk this out?

Put it back down,

before I lose my grip!

[HEAVEN VOICE A]

We've cracked the case, folks.

Capricorn is not

a Mountain Goat!

[CAPRICORN whimpers]

[HEAVEN VOICE A] Ten

questions in and we are tied,

five to five!

Therefore, our eleventh

question will be the final one!

[grunting]

[HEAVEN VOICE A] But first,

let's chat with our contestants.

Are we having fun yet?

Do I look like I'm

having fun to you?!

Do you mind just getting

to the question already?

[HEAVEN VOICE A]

You heard it folks,

our participants

are definitely slipping!

If either of them

miss this question,

they'll be dropped

into the "fun zone!"

Then what was the point

of all the questions

you made us answer earlier?!

Please, anything

but the "fun zone"!

[HEAVEN VOICE A]

Alright then! Final question!

Miss Levy likes

one of her guildmates.

Which one is it?

[LEVY gasps]

[HEAVEN VOICE A]

Alright then! Final Question!

Miss Levy likes

one of her guildmates.

Which one is it?

What the heck?

That seems a little

personal to me.

[HEAVEN VOICE A] By the way,

when I say "like"

I don't mean as a friend

or respected colleague.

I mean "nudge, nudge,

wink, wink," like.

[LEVY whimpers]

[HEAVEN VOICE A]

We're talking attraction:

emotional and physical.

Who does she pine for

late at night?

It's no secret to anyone,

even I could answer it.

Aw, fine, I'll say it!

[inaudible]

[LEVY sobs]

[ringing]

[HEAVEN VOICE A]

That is... correct!

Give it up for Miss Levy, the

Fairy Tail Cult Quiz champion!

I was sure you'd be too

embarrassed to say it out loud!

[CAPRICORN screams]

Oh, please don't drop

me in the fun zone!

[CAPRICORN screams]

[LEVY] Now then.

Solid Script: Thunderbolt!

Glad that's over.

I've been beaten.

As of today, you are

the cult quiz queen.

[LEVY sighs]

There's no way that

anyone but Capricorn

could've heard me say it.

Right...?

[HAPPY]

Juvia vs. Aries!

Desert Death Match!

[LUCY grunts]

Oh, it's t*rture.

My entire body hurts.

And I'm sticky too.

So tell me, have you enjoyed

this particular punishment?

[LUCY] No! No more

watermelons, please!

You can whip me all day,

just don't use fruit!

You look rather

adorable when you beg,

but that won't help you now.

Once you see what's up next,

you'll wish I'd

stuck with melons.

[LUCY gasps]

[LUCY screams]

What the heck you gonna

do with that stuff?!

You can't know

what t*rture is

until you've been

slathered in condiments.

Ready to learn?

[LUCY] Nope!

[VIRGO laughs]

Think you can run from me?

Look, you're my friend and

I don't want to fight you.

I came here to talk!

I don't intend to fight you,

Lucy, my plan is to punish you.

They're quite different.

[LUCY] They sound pretty

fricking similar to me!

If I keep running like this

then I'll never close her gate!

I've got to find

a place to lay low

so I can come up with a plan.

[LUCY grunts]

Well that sucks.

It's just another hallway!

[footsteps grow louder]

[LUCY gasps]

[VIRGO laughs]

You can't hide here!

These are my halls and they

conceal nothing from me.

You know I'll catch you

eventually, so why put it off?

[LUCY grunts, gasps]

[VIRGO laughs]

[VIRGO] If you

don't stop running,

you'll be too tired

to scream later.

Where's the fun in that?

[LUCY] I'm sorry, but the

entertainment of my torturer

is not my top priority!

[VIRGO laughs]

Who wants mayo?

I have lots of it!

This is bad.

There's no window!

[VIRGO] Where have

you run off to now?

Stop teasing me,

we have too much to do.

She's closing in.

I guess I'll have

to try the door.

[LUCY gasps]

[VIRGO] If you don't come

out, I'll use tartar sauce too!

You'll reek of

pickles for weeks.

[LUCY] She was right.

I wish she had stuck

with the melons.

[NATSU and WENDY sniff]

Are you positive that this

is the right way, Natsu?

There's no doubt about it.

Loke's scent is

all over the place.

I'm trying my best,

but I can't smell a thing.

Think you could train my nose

to be as sensitive

as yours someday?

Nonsense, you have far more

important skills to develop.

By the way, are the

rest of you certain

that we're still in

the lion's domain?

It might just be me, but

this place feels different.

Now that you mention it,

I guess that tunnel we found

could've been an exit.

But Astral Spiritus

should have twelve rooms,

one for each zodiac sign, right?

If this isn't Loke's domain,

then which spirit

does it belong to?

[NATSU] Hey.

[GROUP] Huh?

Something's coming.

Take cover!

[WENDY and CARLA yell]

Hey! What are

those things?

They look like

thermometers!

It's Loke!

Let's do this!

[NATSU gasps]

[OPHIUCHUS chuckles]

Who could that be?

I dunno, but she's

got a big syringe!

Identify yourself at once.

There are twelve zodiac spirits

and you aren't one of them.

If you can't be quiet

in your ignorance,

I'll give you a hemiglossectomy.

I am Ophiuchus

the snake charmer:

thirteenth spirit of the zodiac.

Welcome to Ophiuchus'

Study Corner:

the cure to your confusion!

Here we have

the celestial plane

as it's viewed from Earthland.

The sun is centered of course,

and all around it,

we see the twelve primary

constellations of the zodiac.

But, upon

closer inspection...

Right here, between

the constellation

of the Scorpion and the Archer,

we find the sign of

the Snake Charmer.

It's a fairly tight fit between

those two, but I make it work.

Incidentally, the sign

of the snake charmer has

a distinctly medical focus.

Between the nurse

outfit and the syringes,

I feel like I could've guessed.

So that's how it works.

I thought you celestial spirits

had something to

do with sky stuff!

But you didn't know

for sure until now?

[NATSU] Hey.

If you're a member

of the zodiac,

then I bet you work with Loke.

Correct. I didn't plan

to confront you yet,

but in light of

recent events,

we thought it best to make

some last minute change-ups.

Enough chat. It's time

for me to give each of you

an incredibly

thorough examination.

Like, you'll check

our heart-rates?

I'll cut your

hearts to pieces!

[GROUP screams]

Now then, If you could all

just turn your heads and cough.

These things feel super

weird. I don't like it!

[CARLA] Just what kind of

demented examination is this?!

[HAPPY] I think that she's

been breeding stethoscopes

with boa constrictors!

My position as caretaker

of Astral Spiritus

comes with some perks.

One being I can manipulate

every single thing around us.

Forget bedside manner.

I've got stethoscopic

straight-jackets!

I can barely even wiggle!

You got nothing!

I'll burn straight

through these things!

As if I'd allow you to

do something like that.

[WENDY gasps]

[HAPPY and CARLA]

Eh?!

Wha...?

Heh. Aaaaaahhhh!

[GROUP yells]

What a terrible sound!

I'm no nurse,

but I think you might

be doing this wrong!

Nonsense, this is exactly

how you're meant

to use magic stethoscopes.

Trust me.

I'm a nurse.

[GROUP screams]

Now that the belligerents

have been subdued...

...we can proceed with the exam.

I'll be checking out

your throats next.

Just say "ah" if you'd

like to volunteer.

There's no way that thing

will fit in our mouths!

This bad boy will fit

just about anywhere

if you shove hard enough.

[OPHIUCHUS yells]

[HAPPY grunts]

See? Mouths are stretchy!

[NATSU grunts]

Oops! I forgot

to disinfect!

I think my throat's broken.

Sometimes even

strong women cry!

Ow, my dignity!

Frigging psycho!

Oh no! My t*rture

victims think I'm crazy.

Whatever shall I do?

Ooh, I know just the

way to patch things up!

[OPHIUCHUS laughs]

[NATSU grunts]

[WENDY groans]

[OPHIUCHUS]

Okay, tough guy.

Show me where it hurts.

[NATSU grunts]

[NATSU yells]

[HAPPY squeals]

[WENDY grunts]

[CARLA] My fur!

[HAPPY]

I don't want to go bald!

[NATSU] It hurts

so freakin' bad!

[OPHIUCHUS] My.

This is almost too much!

I've got loads of fun

procedures planned,

so try and stay

conscious, will you?

[WENDY screams]

I'd say that this was for

your own good, but it isn't!

[CARLA] Ah! There's nothing

wrong with that tooth!

[HAPPY groans]

[HAPPY] Why am I the only one

who got the shovel?

Hey, wait.

Shouldn't you be struggling,

or begging for me to stop?

Yeah, but I've never been

to see a dentist before,

and I always wanted to

know what it was like.

My teeth are crazy strong so

I never had to go and see one.

I remember having teeth.

I swear I'll never take mine

for granted again after this.

Unless we can beat Ophiuchus,

you won't even get a chance to!

[OPHIUCHUS] Mmm...

Dragneel, I'm impressed.

Between your stoic outlook

and that ultra-fit bod',

you've pushed my sadism

right into overdrive.

A nurse is supposed

to heal people,

so why call yourself one

if you make them hurt instead?

And by the way, didja

finish up my cavity thing?

There's more than one

kind of nurse, kid.

Some just really dig the toys.

Others use the nurse's

toolkit to inject their foes

with a double dose

of irony and pain.

Here, let me show

you what I mean!

I've had enough of this!

[NATSU growls]

[WENDY grunts]

[HAPPY gasps]

It's a liquid expl*sive!

Why put something like

that into a syringe?!

What the-? Don't like

the look of that guy.

You don't? Well,

that's just too bad.

'Cause in case you didn't

notice, he has a few friends.

Looks like it's time

for us to get serious.

[JUVIA pants]

[JUVIA] I've been

walking for miles,

but everything looks

exactly the same.

[JUVIA] When I got here, hours

ago, the sun was right overhead.

It hasn't budged.

[JUVIA] It seems time

flows differently here.

Perhaps it's a place where

it doesn't move at all.

[JUVIA] This realm

belongs to Aries.

I suspect that defeating her

is my only chance of

getting out of here alive.

But where could she be?

For that matter.

I'm a water wizard.

And I'm already dehydrated.

She could wait for the desert

to take care of the hard part,

then finish me off

once I'm weak.

Come on, little ram.

You've go to be nearby.

Show yourself!

Stop playing the coward.

Let's fight!

[ARIES laughs]

[ARIES] Looks like you're

about to run out of juice.

I wonder, can you

fight on fumes?

That'd be kind of badass!

[JUVIA pants]

[JUVIA] If she heard my

challenge, she ignored it.

And I can't get back

to Gray without her.

It's so hot...

I wish I could take

my clothes off.

But if I did that,

then there would be

nothing to protect me

from the glare of the sun.

So thirsty...

If I could only

find some water...

[gasps]

Amazing!

An oasis, I'm saved!

Water!

And right when I

needed it most, too!

[JUVIA laughs]

[JUVIA sighs]

It was only a mirage?

This is the end for me.

I can't go on like this.

[engine revving]

[JUVIA gasps]

A magic-mobile?

[JUVIA coughs]

[ARIES laughs]

You look awful!

Desert's a crappy place

for a water wizard to

hang out, isn't it?

What's up?

Going to say something back

or are you too tuckered out?

You're not going to be

any sport at all like this.

[ARIES laughs]

Are you really

the new Aries?

That's right, you're looking at

the one and only Aries the Ram.

I'm still pretty new to

the Earthland circuits,

but in the celestial world,

I'm the fastest thing on wheels.

Check this out!

[ARIES] Made this place

so I could get my tan on.

And show off these

hella cool shades.

Badass, right?

What a tragedy.

The Eclipse has turned you

into a phony little poser.

How dare you

call me a poser!

I am legit.

I don't care what you think!

This wouldn't be so sad

if you hadn't once been such

a gentle, loving spirit.

I won't even get into

your breast size.

That'd be a pretty low blow

if I gave a crap.

Now take it back before

I casually break your legs.

[JUVIA] So are you and

Loke still very close?

Or did his interest disappear

along with your Double D's?

[ARIES growls]

I am parched!

Glad I brought

my trusty canteen.

Uh-huh.

Water!

[ARIES gulps]

[JUVIA] Gulp...

Ah! Now that's the stuff!

Gee, I'd offer you some, but I'm

not supposed to aid the enemy

unless they've surrendered!

Some things are more

important than water.

You wouldn't understand this,

but I'd rather be baked alive

than betray my beloved Gray.

That was beautiful.

I'm sure he'll appreciate

your sacrifice.

[JUVIA]

Wait, no! No!

It's gone.

[ARIES chuckles]

[ARIES]

Whelp, now that I've broken

your precious little spirit,

this feels like a

pretty good time

for me to kick your

sun-dried little tush.

You ready?

[JUVIA gasps]

[ARIES]

I'll take that as a yes!

Golden Horn Bomber! Yeah!

[JUVIA grunts]

There's still some

spring in your step!

Never would've guessed

you had it in you.

This might be kind of fun!

[JUVIA grunts]

I'm at the end

of my strength.

Either I end this fight now,

or she's going to tear me apart.

C'mon. Water Slicer!

Too dry.

I couldn't even attack her once.

You might have that

fighting spirit on lock,

but you're outta your element.

Just stand still and

let me put you to bed.

What the--?

[SHEEP A] One sheep!

Two sheep! Three sheep!

Four sheep!

Five sheep! Six sheep...

How am I supposed

to fall asleep like this?

[SHEEP A] Ten Sheep!

That was just to prep

you for my next move.

Here goes!

[JUVIA gasps]

[JUVIA grunts]

I know you're kind of

distracted back there,

but hey, what do you

think of my driving?

[ARIES laughs]

[JUVIA grunts]

What's the matter,

are you finished already?

Bet you wish you'd taken

that water now, huh?

Well, if you're too

weak to talk back,

I should put you

out of your misery.

Need... Water...

Just a bit...

Sorry, but that

ain't happening.

This is a desert, and you won't

find a drop of water in it!

There isn't a nice way

to put this, babe:

you're going to die thirsty.

Water... Water...

[JUVIA gasps]

[ARIES gasps]

I've located some water.

[ARIES] Oh yeah?

So where is it?

Right beneath you.

Underneath your feet.

Say what?

I have enough power...

for a Water Whip!

[JUVIA yells]

[ARIES yells]

You're really going to

drink outta my radiator?

[JUVIA] That's right.

Without water

pumping through it,

your magic-mobile would

overheat for sure.

Ah! Wow!

Talk about a recharge!

Yeah?

Well you let your

guard down, stupid!

[ARIES gasps]

Yeah, now that

I'm hydrated,

I'm pretty much impervious

to physical att*cks.

Water Jigsaw!

[ARIES screams]

[ARIES] Aw, man!

Time for you to go home.

Got to say, beating

me with my own ride

like that was pretty badass.

I made it.

At last I can return to

my polar paramour's side.

Now...

...I just have to

figure out how to get back.

[LIBRA and YUKINO yell]

[YUKINO yells]

Within your soul

there must be balance.

Find your inner symmetry

and push it outwards,

or else you'll fall

into a bottomless hell.

There's no way you

can knock me off

without putting

yourself in danger.

You'll fall.

[LIBRA]

You're wrong about that.

Once I've knocked you off,

I'll leap towards the

center of the stone.

Balance may be

restored from there.

This is a battle

of endurance.

Whoever loses equilibrium

first, is defeated.

[YUKINO] She's intimidating,

but if I lose my nerve,

then it's over for me.

Remember that

balance is everything.

[YUKINO growls]

[ARCADIOS] This passageway

seems endless.

How far do you suppose

it will take us?

[HISUI]

I can't say for sure.

It could lead us to

the celestial world.

Or perhaps to a place

we've never heard of.

[ARCADIOS] Leo's whereabouts

are still unknown.

I fear that he may be planning

something we've not foreseen.

What do you make

of all this?

The last we saw of Leo,

he was fighting Natsu.

Something seemed off, though.

Leo didn't bring

the celestial globe.

So, where did he leave it?

Good question.

He can't have

left it unprotected.

We can only guess.

Wherever Leo's gone,

I bet the globe is near.

I think you're right, Arcadios.

He may be planning

something new.

It's quite possible.

[HISUI] Hmm...

The first to win two out of

a total of three matches

shall be declared the victor.

Is this agreeable to you?

[ERZA] Yes, It is.

But before we begin in earnest,

allow me to compliment

your stagecraft.

The extra context makes me all

the more determined to win.

[SAGITTARIUS] We are

warriors, the both of us.

It's been my experience that a

warrior only fights at his best

when taken by

the mood of battle.

[ERZA] Intriguing.

My experience has been the same.

Well then.

It seems we're more

alike than I knew.

[SAGITTARIUS]

I appreciate that.

If all else is settled,

then tell me:

are you prepared for battle?

[ERZA] A good warrior is

always ready for battle.

A small part of me does wish

we had an audience, though.

I considered

bringing one in,

but I don't have the heart

to destroy you so publicly.

This is my way of

showing you mercy.

Ooh, I hope your sword's

as sharp as your tongue.

Erza Scarlet,

I challenge you!

I accept!

[HAPPY] Hmm.

If we could see his

halves separately...

[NATSU]

What's up, Happy?

[HAPPY] I'm trying to figure

out if this Sagittarius guy

is a human or a horse.

[NATSU]

He's a human, no doubt!

Horses can't talk, dummy.

[HAPPY] Remember those yucky

winged fish? They talked!

They kept on shouting

"I can fly."

[NATSU] Good point.

[HAPPY] And besides,

I am a talking cat.

[NATSU] Oh yeah!

Crap, now I don't know

which one he is either!

[NATSU and HAPPY]

Next time: Erza vs. Sagittarius!

Horseback Showdown!

[HAPPY]

Know what? I say human.

Pretty sure the head decides.

[NATSU] Wait a second.

Why does it matter?