03x06 - The Mayor

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


Well, it looks like I'm all out of bug spray!


I fooled you, didn't i?


Hi, nell. Don't close that door.


Ugh! It smells yucky in here.


What are you doing?


You know that ant farm you gave joey?


Well, he brought it in here this morning.


He wanted me to think of names for all those ants --


All , of them.


That's cute. Cute? [ Chuckles ]


You should have heard all the cute names I came up with


When I dropped that ant farm.


Nell, you look beat.


I'm exhausted.


There's one you missed! Where?


Right there! He's still crawling. Where?!


Hyah!


Never knew what hit him.


Hi.


Nell, what are you cooking for dinner?


I am not cooking your dinner.


If you want something to eat,


You better get some hot dogs


And do them on the barbecue outside.


Joey's ant farm broke.


What?!


Oh, it's all right. Nell m*rder*d them all.


I've had it.


I'm not doing another thing in here.


You girls finish this kitchen.


The k*ller's gonna go take a bubble bath,


And she's not getting out of that bubble bath


Until the last bubble has burst, so move.


Move!


Hi. Where's my ant farm?


They've gone to a better place, honey.


To that great picnic in the sky.


You want to join them?


You mean they're all dead?


Yeah.


That looked like roger.


I'm sorry, honey. I'll buy you another ant farm.


We'll have a funeral.


I'm going to go take my bubble bath.


Guess what, nell.


I've invited the new mayor over for dinner tonight.


Guess what, chief. You made a big mistake.


What are you talking about?


Listen, I am beat to my socks.


Since early this morning, I have scrubbed, washed, waxed --


The walls, the cupboards, the shelves.


I have been to the other side of the mountain.


So?


So I ain't cooking dinner for the mayor, the governor,


The president of the united states,


Or the chief of police.


Nell, this is important.


Hey, listen, I have k*lled before,


And I will k*ll again.


"Guess who's coming to dinner," he says.


Does he care what kind of day I had?


No.


Does he care that my fingers are k*lling me?


No.


My body all aches.


All I want is dinner for the mayor.


And all I want is a bubble bath.


I thought you'd be thrilled to meet our first black mayor.


Why?


Well, because...


Well, you voted for him, didn't you?


No.


I don't like the mayor.


I don't trust the mayor. He's a phony.


I voted for ignacio gonzalez.


I thought every black would vote for a black candidate.


Oh, chief, sometimes you are so...


White.


Is that a little sailboat in there?


Would you get out of my bath?!


Look, nell, I'm gonna level with you.


If you don't cook dinner for the mayor,


I'm not gonna get my new patrol car.


Patrol car? Yeah.


Look at it.



Zero to in seconds on unleaded gas.


Nell, the head of the sanitation department


Has entertained the mayor twice.


He wants a new garbage truck.


If he gets that garbage truck,


I can kiss my patrol car goodbye.


Look, you don't have to go to any trouble.


Just...


Cook a meal that your kind of people like.


My kind of people?


Would that be cute people?


Charming people?


Full-bodied people?


You know what I mean -- black people.


Oh, those people!


Yeah.


Would you?


Yes, chief, just get out of here!


Let me take my bubble bath!


All right, thanks. Thanks, nell.


Is that really a sailboat in there?


Get out of here!


Jeez!


Aah!


Mayor hopkins, come in.


Welcome to my home.


Chief kanansky.


Uh, kanisky, your honor.


Oh, shame on me.


A man invites me over to break bread with him.


I will call you carl.


It's an honor, your honor. I'm honored.


Tut-tut, the honor is mine.


You know, the city's taking in a big bundle


On the new speed trap of yours.


Not too many drivers expect to see a motorcycle cop


Come roaring out of the back door of baskin-robbins.


Well, in the police game, your honor,


You've got to be creative.


And furthermore, I'd like to say --


Good heavens.


Why wasn't I informed


That the city was hosting the newly crowned miss america?


Get out of here.


Oh, mayor, it is so... Nice to meet you.


I'm nell harper.


Nell harper. Delighted.


My, what a lovely hand.


I like it, too, and I'd like to keep it.


[ Chuckles ]


There's only one other like it in the whole world.


Carl, you've caught me up in your latest speed trap --


Surprising me with a woman


With a rare combination of beauty and wit.


And brains.


Nell was the first one to point out


How much we need a new patrol car


Instead of a garbage truck.


We can get immediate delivery.


My, my, my, look at that spread.


Caviar -- my favorite. Thank you.


I don't know why caviar is so expensive.


I mean, after all, it's only fish eggs.


Maybe because it's harder to lay eggs underwater.


[ Laughs ]


That's some lady, carl.


I mean, she's cooking. She's real hot.


The new patrol car never gets hot.


The radiator is computerized.


Chief, get the wine.


Huh? The wine.


Oh, yes, the wine.


The wine is french, just like the car --


Chevrolet.


Chevrolet?


[ Laughs ]


Allow me.


Thank you.


Mayor, you have to excuse the chief.


He's a little, you know, pushy about this car.


He really needs this new patrol car.


If there's one thing that I understand,


It's a man's need.


Oh, there's another one.


We're having problems with ants.


[ Chuckling ]


Nothing can spoil this evening.


Believe me, nell,


This is a real treat for a lonely bachelor.


It's not often I get the chance


To have an evening with a lovely lady.


You will find that I'm a caring man,


A giving man,


A man with a warm heart.


And a very cold hand.


Thank you. I wondered where that went.


Excuse me. Something in the kitchen.


Time will stand still until you return.


Where's your father?


He went next door to borrow a corkscrew. What?



It's the first time he's had a bottle of wine


Without a screw-top.


Know what, katie?


If your father did not want this car so bad,


If he did not need this patrol car,


I would tell that mayor to get out of here.


Why?


He's disgusting!


He came in the door, he was disgusting.


He squeezed my hand -- that was disgusting.


Then he reached under the table and squeezed my knee.


I would love to find a way to get back at him.


For what?


Why am I telling this to you?


Young girls nowadays just don't know


When a guy's disgusting.


You miss me?


Passionately.


[ Chuckles ]


Mayor hopkins, about the patrol car...


Let's talk about us.


Mayor, about the patrol car...


I love a woman who hangs in there and never lets go.


[ Chuckles ]


That's the kind of woman I need on my team.


Mayor, I think you should know I wasn't on your team.


I'm not on your team.


Nell, I could use you in an official capacity.


Official capacity?


You're the first to know this,


But I have my eye on the governor's mansion.


After all, I'm only a heartbeat away from sacramento.


The new patrol car can make it there in minutes flat.


Carl, I just came up with a brilliant idea


On how nell can help the people in this town.


How?


By being the official hostess in the mayor's condo.


Official hostess, your honor?


Please, call me theo.


Drop "your honor."


Not for you or anybody else.


Now, don't get me wrong, nell.


I need someone to host my dinner parties.


When I'm entertaining the assemblymen,


The senators, or the governor.


Ooh, and that's all I'll have to do?


Well, uh...


We could have a little drinky-poo before they arrive.


And maybe a little cocktail after they leave?


Ooh, you know we got to unwind.


[ Chuckles ]


Sounds okay to me, nell...


...as long as it's part-time.


Only a couple of nights a week.


Uh, mayor...


I don't think so.


Chief, talk to her.


She would look wonderful at my side


As I dedicate the new patrol car.


Isn't that great, nell?


Of course, if she's not at my side, then I won't need her


When I dedicate the new garbage truck.


Pass the crab.


Uh... Great guy, the mayor.


Well, nell, thanks to you, everything is perfect.


Perfect?


Perfect?!


Chief, while you were in the kitchen, he hit on me.


Why would he hit you?


No, no. He made a move on me.


Made a move.


He made a pass. He squeezed my knee.


The mayor?


The mayor.


That wonderful guy who just left here?


While you were in the kitchen, yes.


I wasn't gone long. He must really move fast.


From zero to in seconds.


Nell, he's a bachelor. You know single men.


He was just, uh...


He was testing the water.


Chief, I don't think you understand.


Let me explain something to you.


You see, what the mayor was telling you all night


Is that you can have your patrol car


If he gets me.


No.


Yes.


Now I get it.


It's either you, the patrol car,


Or the garbage truck.


The eternal triangle.


That bum. That fink. That creep.


That -- that -- that -- that -- that rat!


I'm gonna throw this picture right in his face.


Chief, hey, it's nice to know that you care about me.


First thing tomorrow morning, I'm going down to city hall.


Whoa, wait a minute, chief.


This is my problem, and I can handle him.


I don't want you risking your job for me.



Look, I'm going to go over to his condo right now.


[ Elevator bell dings ]


Eighth floor. Thank you.


Watch your step.


Oh, I will, honey.


[ Doorbell rings to the tune of "hail to the chief" ]


Mayor hopkins who is it?


Miss america.


Who? Nell.


Nell, just a moment.


Come right in. What a delightful surprise.


Ooh, not a bad pad you got here, theo.


Oh, it gets better as the evening goes along.


[ Chuckles ]


Allow me. Thank you.


In the words of an american black poet,


"Though it's not fancy, it's not too bad


When you've got a fox gracing your pad."


Who's the poet?


Moi, theo hopkins.


I like to dabble in the verse now and then.


Well, no time for dabbling now.


Where is it?


Where's what?


The bedroom.


The what?


That is where you keep your bed, isn't it?


Nell, what on earth are you doing?


Oh, would you like to have a little drinky-poo first?


What's your pleasure, honey?


Nell, what are you doing?


Eliminating the small talk.


You've got your hand on my knee.


Oh, I'm sorry. I wondered where that went.


You're not supposed to do that.


That's what the man's supposed to do, not the woman.


Well, in the words of that female american black poet,


"If you're gonna do it, get to it."


Nell!


I dabble, too.


Nell, you're taking all the fun out of it.


Oh, what is it, theo?


You don't like somebody panting all over you...


Kissing all over you, thinking that you are easy,


That you are a pushover, making you feel used, hmm?


That's not macho.


Ooh, poor theo.


Here I am treating him like a saturday-night woman,


And he thought he was monday-night football.


That hurt, nell.


All right.


I'm sorry.


Would you like it better if I were...


Shy...


And I sat here and i...


Batted my eyelashes at you?


You do look awful cute when you do that.


You move one more inch, and I'll bat more than my eyelashes.


Don't you realize I'm only treating you


The way you treated me?


Is that what I was doing?


Yes.


I'm sorry, nell.


Well, you should be.


I thought the chief wanted that patrol car bad enough


That I could pull it off.


That is no excuse.


And you're such a fine woman


With such a great personality.


I couldn't help myself.


Well, I guess that is an excuse.


Well, nothing's changed.


When it comes to women, I always mess up.


Started in high school with the freshmen dance.


Were you a wallflower? No.


I was doing fine


Till I started slow dancing with florence brown.


She had one of those dresses with a zipper down the back.


And my sleeve got caught in that zipper,


And when I twirled her...


The rest is history.


You must have been awfully embarrassed.


After that, I couldn't get a date.


Florence brown became the most popular girl in school.


They called her downtown florence brown.


We had a slam dunk lucy funk.


Maybe that's why you try so hard --


You know, to make up for all the dates


You didn't have in high school.


Well, the harder I try, the more I get turned down.


Have you ever thought


That maybe you want to be turned down?


You know, that's what my psychiatrist told me...


After she turned me down.


Come here. Come over here.


See there?


You're not a tomcat. You're a p*ssy cat.


Don't let that get out, nell.


You know I'm running a whole city here.


Now look in the mirror and tell me what do you see?



Florence brown on the dance floor with a half-slip.


No, come on. Erase that from your mind.


That's not a totally bad memory, you know?


You know what I see?


I see a very attractive man


Standing next to a very attractive woman.


I like your eyes.


I like your chin.


I like your lips.


I like your nose.


I like your hair.


So do i.


You are a fine catch for any woman.


Look at you.


You're charming.


You're handsome.


You're successful.


And you're...


You're single?


Oh, yes.


I better go.


Nell, if I'm such a great catch, why are you leaving?


You know, i-if you -- well, if you wanted to...


Have a date with me, all you would have to do is ask.


Really? Yes.


How about saturday night?


I'm busy.


Oh, but we can talk about it when I see you next week.


Next week?


Yeah, when...


You dedicate the chief's new patrol car.


Oh, yes.


I'll be there.


Now, does that mean we can see each other now and then?


Well, theo, really, I just have to just --


I have to think about, um...


[ Clears throat ] I'll think about it.


Well --


Good night.


Good night, mama.


[ Elevator bell dings ]


Uh, excuse me, are you from the sanitation department?


Yes.


Oh, are you here about the garbage truck?


Yes.


[ Chuckles ] the mayor is in b.


Thank you.


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break