01x19 - Episode 19

[bunniefuu]

This is the story
of 2 sisters,

Jessica tate

And mary campbell.

These are the tates.

And these are the campbells.

And this is...

Son of a...

Go!

Boys, boys.

And so what you're
saying to me, mrs. Tate,

Is although you had a g*n,
you didn't sh**t it.

You had a Kn*fe
but you didn't use it.

You had a brick
and you didn't throw it.

Is that what you're asking me
to believe, mrs. Tate?

Chester, is this my lawyer?

Well, why is he
yelling at me?

I thought he was
supposed to be on our side.

Mrs. Tate, I'm pretending
to be the prosecuting attorney

So you'll get used to
it when you're in court.

Well, are you going to
yell at me like that
when we go to court?

Because if you are,
I'm not going.

No, I won't, mrs. Tate.
I promise I'll be very nice.

The prosecutor
will probably yell.

Oh, well, uh...

Who is the prosecutor?

I don't know yet.

Oh, well, chester,

When you hire the prosecutor,
make sure it's someone nice.

Mrs. Tate...

You see, I was just
telling chester

I don't think
we really need a lawyer

Or a case or any of this.

See, I thought I would
just go to the jury,

And tell them I'm innocent.
They'll believe me.

Jess...

Chester, all my life,
people have always
believed me.

See, I have that kind of face.

My mother once said to me,

"Jessica, with a face
like that,

You could get away
with m*rder."

So, you... You see,

I was just thinking,
mr. Maggoo...

Uh...

Mallu.

Right. You see, I thought...

Mrs. Tate,
why don't you go inside

And join the
rest of the family?

Tell me, tate, is this
the way she generally is

Or has she had
a couple of boilermakers?

No, that's pretty
much jessica.

You see, I usually rely upon
putting my client on the stand

To testify
in their own defense.

But I mean, in this case,
put her on the stand?

You might as well
strap her in, shave her head,

And attach the electrodes
right there!

Well, we better look for
some character witnesses

Amongst the rest
of the family.

We've gotta find something
to save her neck.

Everyone,

This is e. Ronald mallu.

He'll be handling
jessica's case.
Thank you all for coming.

Good afternoon, everyone.
Please, sit down.

Benson!

Now, you were very kind
to come in mrs. Tate's behalf.

What we're looking for
are good character witnesses.

So please remember,

If there is anything
in your past that
might discredit you,

Tell me now.

I don't want to call you
as a witness,

Only to have the prosecution
reveal something about you
that's embarrassing

That I didn't know.

Now, mrs. Campbell...

Uh, jessica

Is the dearest,
most wonderful,

Kind, good-hearted sister
there ever was

And she didn't do it.

Oh, that's very nice,
mrs. Campbell.

But I think the jury might
find your testimony

A little partial.
But thank you anyway.

Uh, mr. Campbell.
Where's mr. Campbell?

See that? I am invisible.
He doesn't know where I am.

He doesn't know
who you are.

There he is.

Mr. Campbell...

Ha!

Hello.

Peter was your son.
Do you think
your sister-in -law

Could've k*lled him?

Absolutely not.

Good.

Now he could be
a very important witness.

You see the victim's
father testifying on
behalf of the accused.

Now what makes you so...

What makes you so certain
that your sister-in-law
couldn't have k*lled him?

She has red hair.

I beg your pardon?

I have never seen her
do or say anything suspicious.

Well, mr. Campbell,
I'm sure that the prosecutor
would point out to you

That she wouldn't
do or say anything

Suspicious
with you standing there.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

She didn't know I was there.
She couldn't see me.

You see it was
while I was invisible.

Oh!

Well, thank you very much,
mr. Campbell.

Terrific. Invisible?

Put him on the stand,
we might as well throw
a bag over her head

And tell the squad
to fire right there.

Danny?

Yeah.

Look, I'll testify.

No, wait, wait.

He can't testify.

Why not? I know
aunt jessica didn't do it.

With the kind of work
that you do,
how will that look to a jury?

Aw, come on, it's not gonna
make any difference to them.

That won't make
any difference, the kind
of people you work for?

Well for god's sakes,
what does he do?
Work for gangsters?

That's right.

I think your uncle chester
has a point.

Next, jodie?

I don't think
I ought to testify.

Why?

I'm gay.

Oh.

Well, these are
more liberal times, jodie.

I don't think
that would matter.

Last month I tried
to commit su1c1de.

A suicidal h*m*?

You certainly have
your hands full.

I'm sorry, jodie.

Next, chuck. Where's chuck?

Now chuck, you are
the deceased's brother.

That's right and I'm bob.

Is there any reason
that you can't test...

That is bob. B-0-b.

Would you please?
He's talking to me.

Yes, well, he's making
a big mistake.

Will you just shut up?

Don't tell me
to shut up, you moron.

Don't call me a moron.

Jerk.
Jerk?

I tell ya,
I'm not gonna...

He's talking to a doll.

No, actually
he's arguing with a doll.

Well, that's wonderful.

I have
for character witnesses...

Al capone, tinkerbell,

Punch and judy
and the invisible man.

Is there something wrong?

Jessica, the campbells
have been no help at all.

No help?

Well, you see, we don't
usually have m*rder suspects
among our relatives to help.

You see, we haven't had
much practice
in helping K*llers. Got it?

Listen, you lunatic!

What?

That's all right.
Let him go! Let him go!
You don't have to hold him.

He can't see me now.

Please, please,
hold it down.

This is no help to mrs. Tate.

I mean, she's got
all the evidence against her.

It's important that the jury
see a very close-knit family.

Now please, I beg of you.

We don't have an
awful lot going for us.

Now, the tate family.

Is there anyone
in the tate family

Who cannot appear
on the witness stand?

Uh, have you,
uh, met the major?

No, I haven't.

Major!

Yeah?

This is mr. Mallu,
an attorney.

Glad you're here, atchison.

It's about time
we court-martialed

Some of these pantywaist,
mama's boys
who go over the hill.

If we sh**t a couple of them,
it will set an example
for the other men.

Carry on.

Oh, my god.

Uh, that's, uh,
jessica's father.

Uh-huh.

Ok.

Eunice?

Yes.

Is there anything that could
damage your testimony?

No.
Wanna bet?

Nobody knows.

Knows what?
I know.

What do you know?

You're the only one
who knows.

I don't know.

If I know, you never know
who else knows.

You know, you're right.

I know.

I can't testify.

I know.

How about you?

What about me?

How long have you
worked for the tates?

Forever.

Do you have any secrets?

Of course, I've got secrets.

Well, can you tell me?

Well, if I told you
they wouldn't be secrets.

Could you appear on the stand?

Yes.

Terrific.

Now, mr. Tate...

I love it.

A man who leaps
on anything with a heartbeat,

And he can testify?

That's enough, burt.

Of course,
if he'd been invisible
like me,

No one would know.

Then, I don't know.
I wonder if

An invisible man can...

Mary, there's something
we have to test later on.

Mr. Mallu...

Uh, I can't testify.

Why not?

Well, my ex-mistress

May report some, uh,
illegal stock manipulations

To the s.e.c.

Actually, in a few days,
I may be needing your help.

I was wondering,
do you have family rates?

Oh, benson, please, don't go.

I need you for a witness.

Burt, you can't go.

Mary, I gotta go.

Burt, you promised
to talk to the doctor.

It's a bad idea.
I'm in a lot of danger here.

What are you talking about?
It's dr. Medlow.

He's your friend.
You know him.

Mary, please,
he's a psychiatrist, right?

Right.
Right.

I said I'd come down here.
I thought all I'd have to do

Is just show up
and become invisible for him.

But listen,
I'm getting nervous.

And when I'm nervous
I perspire,

And when I perspire I get wet,

And when I'm wet I cannot
make myself invisible.

Now suppose
he wants a demonstration,

And I can't give it to him?

Being a psychiatrist,
he's gonna say,

"This guy's a loon.
Let's lock him up."

Uh-uh. I got a lot
of work to do
on my investigation.

I can't take that chance.
It's too risky.

I'm sweating and I'm leaving.

Burt...

You're not invisible.

You cannot
make yourself invisible,

You have never been invisible,

You will never be invisible.
Never. Never.

All right, mary. That's it.
I've had it. I'm gone.

Well, mr. And mrs. Campbell,
how nice to see you again.

Let's see, mr. Campbell,
the last time you were here

You were having
some problems with impotency.

Uh, cured.
You know what I mean?

Oh, wonderful!

So then, uh,
what brings you here?

Uh, well, uh, mary
has something that she wants
to talk to you about.

Oh, mrs. Campbell?

Well, burt
hasn't been himself lately.

In what way isn't he
himself, mrs. Campbell?

He thinks he's invisible.

He thinks he's invisible?

Yes.

Darling, show the doctor
how you make
yourself invisible.

Did you do it yet, burt?
Have you made
yourself invisible?

Mrs. Campbell,
how long have you considered
your husband invisible?

I... I... I don't consider
him to be i-i-invisible.

He considers himself
to be invisible.

And you don't
believe it at all?

No.

Not just
a teeny bit perhaps?

No, no.

Burt. Burt?

It's all right,
mrs. Campbell,

Now, you and I
can have a nice, quiet talk.

Mr. Campbell,
are you all right?

I don't understand that.

Yesterday, I could have
walked right through it.

I... You know,
it's because I'm wet.

Uh, also, you may have

A whole different magnetic
zone down town here, I know.

I'll check it out for you.
Don't worry,

I can use the door knob.
See ya.

Oh, my goodness!

He thinks he's invisible.

That's what
I've been telling you.

I've never seen that before.

Invisible.

What can be done?

Well, in the movie,
claude raines covered
himself with a bandage

From head to foot
and wore sun glasses.

Dr. Medlow...

I'm sorry.

Well, this is an acute,
reactive psychosis
which we do see.

I suggest we consider
putting him

Into the neuro-psychiatric
institute for observation.

You mean put him away?

Oh, but he's harmless...

Well, at the moment, yes.

I don't know...

Think about it, mrs. Campbell.

Now, I'll call you tomorrow,
but do think about it.

I mean, anyone
who entertains the idea

That he might be invisible,
really needs help.

I know.
That's why I came here.

I'll call you tomorrow,
mrs. Campbell.

Mr. Campbell, is that you?

Corinne,
i... I want to talk to you.
Please, corinne.

My, this is nice.

It's, uh...

Light.

How many rooms do you have?

Look, you didn't come here
to sublet the apartment.

Right, i...
Well, of course not.
I came here to talk.

That's something
you had 23 years to do.

That's true. But, corinne,

It just wasn't
quite that simple. I...

Well, you see,
daddy and I decided

That we would tell you
about your adoption,

Just as soon as you were
old enough to understand.

And, well...

It would've been silly
to tell you before then.

I mean, easier, but silly.

And, well,
when you were old enough,

Daddy and I thought about it
and... And we decided to wait...

Because, corinne,
it was that exact month

That you were having
braces put on your teeth

And you were
very upset about that.

And you were
also terribly upset because

You were the first girl
in your class to get a bra,

And the boys were
snapping the back of it.

You see, corinne,
daddy and I just didn't want

To upset you anymore
that month.

What about the next month?

Well, you were still upset
about your braces.

And after that?

Pimples.

And then?

Your first period.

And then?

I was afraid.

Oh, corinne,

I loved you the way
I loved all my children,

And I was afraid
that if I told you
who you were

And where
your real parents were,

You'd leave and go to them,

Which was not too unlikely
at the time, corinne,

Because you blamed
daddy and me for your braces,

And your bra and your pimples
and your period.

I lived through
your drinking shoe polish,

And eating a worm.

I made ballerina costumes
and baked birthday cakes

And I laughed with you
when you dressed the dog

In eunice's clothes.

And I cried with you
when johnny carrington

Left you in the 7th grade
for that hussy, rita lewis.

Because you were my child.

And you were no less my child
than had you come
from my womb.

Corinne,

Love does not come
from having shared
the same body.

Love comes
from having shared a lifetime.

I'm on trial
for my life now and...

I know most people would say
that's the most
important thing in the world,

But it's not.

The most important thing

In the world to me right now,

Is that once
I had a little girl

And now she's gone.

I'm going to go now and...

I just want you to think
about what I said.

Your room is still there.

Well, look who's here!

The jailbird! Ha!

You have no business
to be in my house.

Ma?

Yes, dear?
My corinne.

You kept my child
away from me for 23 years.

For 23 years I couldn't
be with my baby

And I want you
never to set foot
near her again.

I want you to go now.

23 Years?
Well, you think about that.

Because all I know
is that if anyone had taken
my baby away from me,

I would have moved
heaven and earth to find her,

And it wouldn't
have taken 23 years. Ha!

Well, uh...

I can just imagine
what she told you, huh?

It must have been
some beautiful story

About how she loved you,
and how you were her child,

And how she loved you
just as much
as all her other children.

But don't you see, corinne?

She had a reason
to come here and say all that.

Her high-priced lawyer
told her.

She mustn't let you
testify against her.

Everything
she said, corinne,

She said
to save her own neck.

She lied, corinne.

Who is it?

It's me.

I got your message, walter.
What is it? Where's your wife?

Marilyn's
at the hairdresser's.

You won't believe this.
Just look at this.

Oh, adorable, walter.
You call me over here

In the pouring rain
to look at your speech?

It's the wrong envelope.

Here. Look at these.
Look at that.

Oh, my god!

They said they had pictures.
They weren't bluffing.

Oh, my god. Walter,
if anyone ever saw these...

I mean, I'm shocked
and I'm in them!

They want $50,000, eunice.

Walter, do I look like that?

Eunice, come on!

Well, do i?

Do I look that fat?

Oh, f-f-from that angle, yeah.

Oh, god. I just look awful!

I look like
I'm a 110 years old!

A man sitting in a tree
doesn't take
flattering pictures, eunice!

We have a family
photographer, ben evans,

Who's taken gorgeous
pictures of me.

Eunice!
What?

They want $50,000.

Who is it?

It's me.

Oh, my god, it's marilyn.

Hide!

No, there.

What? Who is it?
It's me!

Uh, uh, uh,
i... I didn't order tea.

I ordered coffee.
Take it back.

Walter, you jerk,
it's marilyn.

Now open the damn door.

Right... Right away, dear.

I just have
to put this in, uh,
uh, the briefcase.

Hi!

What's the matter with you?

I thought you were
at the hairdresser.

He couldn't take me.

Exactly the way
I feel about you sometimes.

Listen, let's have, uh,
let's have lunch, huh?

It's morning, walter.
Well, let's have breakfast.

I just had some.

Well, I'll have breakfast
and you can watch.

Walter,
I don't want to go out!

Where are you going?

To open the window
get some air in here.

No! No air! No! I hate air.

Hey, the air here
is just awful.

The city has
the worst air in the world.

Then how about
some light, walter?

No. No light. The light's
worse than the air,
for my eye condition.

What eye condition?

Blue.

Uh, blue eyes
are very sensitive to light,
you know?

So sit in the closet.

Oh, come on!

Oh, my god!

What?

It's raining! Whoo!

So what?

Oh, my god!

Walter!

Are you all right?

I hate heights.

So, don't look down.

What?

Nothing.

Walter, you just
said something.

I was talking
to the pigeons.

I hate pigeons.
They're filthy things.

What?

Your speech, sir!

What about my speech?

I'm here to pick it up
for the press.

Oh! Oh, right. Yeah.

Here. There you go.

Go on. Be right there.

Here.
Hey, all right.

Yeah. Ok.

Walter, what the hell's
the matter with you?

What are you talking about?

You're acting so strange,
so jumpy.

I am not.

What's this?

Give me that.

Oh...

That's my speech.
Oh, my god!

That means, that means...
That he got, he's got...

The pictures!

What pictures?

Publicity pictures.

Will burt be committed,

Or will life continue
to be a snap for him?

Will corinne go to jessica
or stay with ingrid?

What will corinne
do on mother's day?

Will mallu defend jessica
without character witnesses?

Or will he put al capone,
tinkerbell,

And the invisible man
on the stand?

Will eunice get off the ledge?

Will congressman mccallam
get the pictures back?

If he doesn't,
will eunice want
to get off the ledge?

These questions
and many others

Will be answered on next
week's episode of...

Soap.