02x05 - My Fair David

[bunniefuu]

MOONLIGHTING Yeah.

Yeah, I'll be right out.

I'm putting on my pants.

You see that?

That's you.

You.

You're late, Clark.

You know what that means.

I gotta do some damage.

You wanna pick something?

Arm?

Leg?

A hand maybe?

Oh, right, we don't wanna mess with the fame and the fortune.

What's it gonna be, Clark?

Very nasty fall, man.

Not a pretty picture.

A warning, kids, don't try this at home.

No, no, no.

Tough break, Simmons, but we do have some lovely parting gifts! Next up, our buddy Lewis and the question that is on all of America's mind: "How low can he go?

" Good extension.

Impressive leg control.

Muscles contract, tension builds.

The smell of an armpit, roar of the crowd.

Is this a great moment in sports or what?

Hi, boss.

Back from the dentist so soon?

Limbo higher now.

Cat got your tongue?

Dr.

Fishbine aim a little higher with the Novocain?

So come on, say something, will you?

No.

Hang loose, kids, she got a hair appointment on Thursday.

Look at the steam rising off that chair.

There must be somebody pretty hot sitting there.

What could have gotten that somebody so hot?

Couldn't have been that they walked in on a moment of fun and frolic here.

No.

Nobody could be that self

-involved that humorless, have that big a stick

- "Fun and frolic"?

Is that what you call this?

Magic and mirth?

Thrills and spills?

Love and laughter?



- You think this is funny?



- I sure am trying.



- What if I was a client?



- What if?

What if I had been a potential client and saw employees doing a revival of Zulu.

What would I have thought?

"Why is that man having sex with himself?

"

- This is not a joke.



- This is.

A man goes to a sperm bank

- Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! You know what hurts the most?

You get a pimple inside your nose, then you gotta blow

- That's what I mean! And people say we're not alike.

What hurts most is that you are the same person you were when I walked in here seven months ago.

That's why these clothes still fit.

I have made an effort to loosen up, to relax.



- To let my hair down.



- Me too.

When you work with someone, you have to accept their style hope that they'll accept yours.

Find some middle ground.

Sounds reasonable.

What hurts most is that I have done all the changing, all the accepting.



- Really?



- I think you'd find it hard to refute that I've become more easygoing, more jovial, more devil

-may

-care.

You're a regular Jan Murray.

But you have not made such an effort.

Addison, come back here.

I'm not through haranguing yet.

Addison! Don't you people have anything better to do?

You walked out of my office.

I was in the middle of talking and you walked out.

You got it, Sherlock.

I'd appreciate it if you returned the favor.

You're angry?

Is that what this is about?

You're angry?

! Let's get one thing straight, bub.

If anybody has the right to be angry here, it's me.



- Oh, really?



- Yes, really.

Those people are supposed to be working out there not limboing.

You just encouraged them.

Is that what you think I'm doing?

I have a much higher purpose.



- Higher purpose?



- Yes.



- I was trying to raise spirits.



- Raise spirits?



- That's right, and you know why?



- I can barely stand the suspense.



- You have unhappy employees

-

- Working them too hard, am I?



- This is no longer a fun place to work.



- How will I sleep?

They were gonna leave, walk out, resign.



- And you stopped them?



- They're still here, aren't they?

Addison, I can't work this way.

Try working standing up.

I read an article that said

- if your vertebrae

-

- That's not what I mean.

Oh, David! David! David! David! Maddie, Maddie, Maddie.

David, I need a business partner who's a mature adult.



- Yeah, and?



- And you're not.



- I'm not what?



- A mature adult.

Let me show you something.

You see that?

That's body hair, baby.

Ask any gym teacher in America, that is the first sign of maturity.



- And I got lots of it, all over.



- Never mind! You don't care about the business, about me, about anything.

Okay, all right.

Chill for a second, will you?

You are so serious.

You want me to apologize, I apologize.



- No, I want you to change.



- Change?

Yes, change.

Don't you see?

You encourage those people out there.

You set an example.

Nothing matters.

Life's a carnival.

Work's a party! That is not an adult attitude.

Well, I'm an adult and that is my attitude.

I was dreaming.

You can't do what I want you to do.

You are who you are and I am who I am.

And the only solution is dissolution.

Wait a second, wait.

What is that, Brooklyn for "this solution"?

No, that's Maddie for "I can't go on this way.

"

- What do you want?



- I don't think you can do it.



- I can do anything.



- Really?



- You can act like an adult?



- What kind of question is that?

I'm willing to bet that you can't be a mature adult for one week.

You're kidding.

What kind of bet?

Just what I said, that you can't be adult for one week.



- How much?



- How much what?



- How much do I get if I win?



- Don't worry, you couldn't win.

On the outside chance that I get lucky, how much?

How about $3000?

Three grand?

Three thousand dollars to watch the impossible?

I think that's a bargain.

Is it a wager or not?

A wager?

Oh, baby, this is gonna be grand larceny.

If it's maturity you want, maturity you will get.

I'm gonna be a regular Lawrence Welk.

Tie my shoes, wear long pants.

I may even take up the accordion.

No, no, Mr.

Addison.

That is not what I meant by mature.

And what, pray tell, do you mean by "mature," Ms.

Hayes?

When we go out on a case, we conduct ourselves as though at the end of fourth grade we got promoted.



- What does that mean?



- No fast

-talking jive.

None of that hip

-hop slop you call English.

I don't care if "bears bear" or "bees bee"

-

- Is that all?



- That is not all.

We haven't scratched the surface.

I don't want any more of your sexist remarks.

About you or your whole gender?



- You don't have a chance.



- What else?

Set an example for the employees.

Again with the employees?

Mad, they love me.

They're underworked, overpaid and have Murray the K for a boss.

Which reminds me, no more singing.



- Say what?



- You heard me.



- One doo

-wop and you lose.



- Oh, hold the phone! Hold the phone! We're cutting a bit deep here.

We're going beyond the parameters of the bet, into the essence of my personality.



- It's not personality, it's an affliction.



- No.

No way.

I knew you couldn't do it.

Okay, all right.

I'm in.

But if I can't sing, we have to raise the stakes.

More money?

No, not money.

Something that really matters.

Keep dreaming, Addison.

Oh, how childish and immature, Ms.

Hayes.

Everything to you is sex, sex, sex.

I'm after something that really matters.



- Like what?



- Your dignity.



- Excuse me?



- Limbo, Maddie.



- Come on, how low can you go?



- What are you talking about?

You know what I'm talking about.



- You, in front of God and everybody.



- And what do I get?



- What do you mean?



- When you lose, what do I get?



- Moi.



- The whole thing or just your head on a platter?

Fine, $3000 and I limbo.

But when you lose, you will lay off every unnecessary employee.

Oh, no! We'll give them severance pay, good recommendations but you have to fire them.



- Get up on the wrong side of the rack?



- We have a bet?



- Yeah, you bet we do.



- Shake.

Sorry, just had to get that last one out of my system.



- When do we start?



- Now.



- Mr.

Addison's office.



- Mr.

Addison, Ms.

Hayes there's an Emily Greydon here.

Well, tell her to wait

- Show her in to Ms.

Hayes' office.

We'll join her momentarily.

Okay.



- Very nice.

Very

-

- Adult?

Indeed.

You know, I'm secretly hoping I'll lose this bet.

Really?

Me too.

Mark my words.

Maturity is its own reward.

Couple of days of acting like an adult you'll wonder why you didn't sooner.

I already am.

Mrs.

Greydon, I'm Madelyn Hayes.

This is my associate, David Addison.

Ms.

Hayes, if memory serves, you're a wealthy woman.

I've sought you out because I have a wealthy woman's problem.



- My son has been kidnapped.



- Mrs.

Greydon.

Please.

My son, my stepson, really, is 35 years old.

I think kidnapping is a matter for the FBI, don't you, Mr.

Addison?

Positively, Ms.

Hayes.

I rather doubt that the FBI would be interested in what I have in mind.

You see, I'm not only looking for someone to simply save Clark I'm looking for someone to negotiate for him.



- Excuse me?



- My son is somewhat of a professional screwup.

He's a concert pianist by vocation.

That's a gift he was born with, not something he works at.

What he works at is exploring limits.

His luck my patience the bucket's bottom.

He's a compulsive gambler.

Anything, anywhere.

The longer the odds, the quicker he jumps.

I've come to understand that he enjoys losing, not winning.

Are you suggesting this kidnapping has to do with his gambling?

There are just some things a mother knows, Ms.

Hayes.

That came with my Times this morning.

They want $ 100,000 and I'm quite willing to pay it.

It's just that I'd rather pay 75 or 50.

Let's hear it for free enterprise.

I didn't say that.

You want us to negotiate for your son's life?

Everything, anything is negotiable, Ms.

Hayes.

As I said before, I stand ready to pay the full amount.

It's just that I like to know that I've struck the best possible bargain before I claim my merchandise.

I'm prepared to pay you $5000 for delivering the money and an additional dollar for every 2 dollars you save me.



- Are you interested?



- Are you kidding?

Do ducks d

-?

Definitely.

Definitely interested.

I was gonna say "definitely duck.

" Isn't this great?

Three adults sitting around, having a mature conversation.

This is a picture of Clark.

It was taken a year ago, intended for an album cover.

Of course, he never quite got around to finishing the record.

Mrs.

Greydon, we'll do everything possible to see that your son gets back safely.

Fine.

Just bring him back cheaply.



- This must be the place.



- That's all it says, "apartment 511 "?

You tend not to write everything when you have to cut every letter out.



- Well

-

- Listen.



- I'd like to make a suggestion here.



- Yes?

I don't think it's good for both of us to go in.



- What are you saying?



- I think the sensible thing

- The mature thing to do is for you to wait out here in the car.



- David

- Maddie, I know.

It smells like sexism to you.

Well, it smells like sexism to me too, but damn it if it means blowing our bet to protect my partner, that's what I'm gonna do.

It just doesn't make any sense for both of us to risk our necks.

If we're choosing which neck to risk, it seems that my thick one is much more expendable than your pretty, long one.

Save some of this.

I use it to fertilize my lawn.

Maddie, I mean it.

If anything ever happened to you, honey And here, it's not necessary to put yourself in danger.

I promise you if I can convince these 'nappers to rap, I'll come and get you.

But if they're not of a mind to talk I'd just as soon that you were waiting out here in the car.

I guess that is kind of thoughtful of you.

Thoughtfulness.

Kind of mature.

Kind of adult.

Kind of me.

Maddie be nimble Maddie be quick The girl go under limbo stick TEMPORARILY OUT OF ORDER Of course.

Only five flights of stairs.

DOWN THE CHUTE Clever.

But I ain't running down five flights of stairs after you.

Through the lips, over the gums, look out, kidnappers, here it comes.

Maddie! Maddie! Maddie! Maddie! There he goes, look

-

- David?



- Don't let him get away! Maddie!

- David!

- There he goes.

Turn it around.

Turn it around! There he is.

There he is.

Go get him.



- Go get who?



- Go get him.



- Maddie!

- What are you doing out there?



- Get in.



- Turn the wheel, hit the brakes!

- Not until you get in this car.



- Turn the wheel and hit the brakes! Mom, will you read me a story before I go to bed?

Clark Greydon?

Guess I'm a better piano player than a kidnapper.

Why did you take the risk?

They were going to k*ll me.

Still might.

Just couldn't bring myself to go begging to her one more time.

This seemed like a fairly painless alternative.

Interesting turn, isn't it?

You don't know the half of it.

Your stepmother hired us to negotiate a lower ransom with your kidnappers.



- You're kidding.



- She even offered incentives.

Lower the price, bigger the bonus.

Mom is nothing if not a great motivator.

I hate to spoil the party, but we have a problem here.

We all have a problem, Ms.

Hayes.

Although it seems to me there is a decided lesser among the various evils.

"Various evils"?

Well, it occurs to me that there are two things we can

- You can do.

The obvious and honest solution is simply telling Mother the truth.

"Your son is, in fact, not just financially bankrupt but morally bankrupt as well.

" And to prove it, staged his own abduction so he could extort money from the woman who brought him up raised him from infancy to manhood, even though he wasn't her natural son.

Even though he's never done anything to show his appreciation.

We can also kiss our bonus bye

-bye.



- David.



- Excuse me, Ms.

Hayes.

Just a consideration to be weighed while evaluating our courses of action.



- Thank you.



- You're welcome.



- You mentioned a second thing.



- Lie.

Why, what a bold and original answer to a thorny problem.

I never would have thought of that, Ms.



- Your stepmother is our client.

We don't lie to clients.

But it's such a colorful lie.

The two of you rescued me.

Snatched me from the clutches of those evil men.

Why, you're heroes.

Saved the apple of Mom's eye the money in her vault.

Hell, my way, everybody gets what they want.

You get your reward, I get some sympathy.

I know which version I prefer.

Fifty thousand dollars! I can't believe we did that.

Fifty thousand dollars.

I can't believe we did that.

David! I've never done that before.

Grabbed a man by the lapels?

It's okay, I enjoy it.

No, lie! We looked that woman in the face and lied.

And turned a tidy profit.

Who says you can't make an honest buck in America?

It seems so wrong.

We should have told her the truth.

Wait a second, let me show you something.

You see that?

That is a check for $50,000, Maddie $50,000, and we earned it.

Emily Greydon came to us prepared to spend $ 100,000 to save her son.

A hundred thousand dollars.

And because of our hard work, we saved her all that money.

The circumstances are unimportant.

If someone else had taken this case, she might have lost the whole bundle.

That's true, isn't it?

Damn right, it's true.

We earned this money, baby.

And I'd lie to her again.

It was the mature and adult decision.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to share the happy news with the rest of the troops.

Hey, kids! Guess how big a booty me and Mom bagged.

We're talking five figures here, kids.

Speaking of fine figures I believe I feel a little celebration in the air, kiddies.

We got no choice but to limbo, Jimbo! Go, go, go! Yes! May I see you in my office, please?

Limber up, cats and kittens.

I'll be back in a flash.

What's happening, man?

I make a boo

-boo?

What, you take success hard?

In my opinion, O'Neill and Jergenson are the most immediately expendable.



- What are you talking about?



- Who you're gonna let go.



- What?



- We had a bet.

We had a windfall.

Are you saying what I just witnessed is something that should be excused?

What I witnessed is exactly what I was talking about this morning.

What I witnessed was a man inciting others into unprofessional behavior.

Does that mean the bet's off?

No, not if you go out there and do what you agreed to do.



- What did I agree to do?



- Be a boss, not a buddy.

Boy, are you one tough customer.

This is important for you.

For us, for this place.

Okay.



- All right, I'll take care of it.



- Mind if I watch?

Enough.

Enough.

Enough! This is a business.

You're supposed to be businesspeople.

Now, come on, huh?

That's better.

Blue Moon Detective Agency.

Domestic entanglement's our forte.

If he plays around, we'll track him down.

We'll catch him with his fling, take sh*ts of the whole thing.

Black

-and

-white and color too.

Big ones, little ones

- "Blue Moon Detective Agency.

How may I help you?

" That is how we answer the phone.

Blue Moon Detective Agency.

How may I help you?

I think he hung up.

"Morning, Ms.

Hayes.

" "Good morning, Ms.

Hayes.

" "Good morning, Ms.

Hayes.

" Every morning of the past seven months, I've walked in and you've said: "Good morning, Ms.

Hayes.

" Is there some reason why this morning isn't like every other morning?

Is there some reason why you didn't say, "Morning, Ms.

Hayes"?

It is morning, isn't it?

I am Ms.

Hayes, aren't I?

Ms.

DiPesto, I'm speaking to you.

I don't think I like you anymore.

Oh, I see.

This is a group effort.

And just what have I done to deserve this extraordinary display of affection?



- You de

-Daved him.



- I what?

Mr.

Addison.

You de

-Daved him.



- I de

-Daved him?



- De

-Daved him.

Took it all away.

Now there's no Dave left.

Now he's like every other Tom, Dave or Harry.

What I did, I did for his own good.

Do you have any idea how silly he would have looked 55 years old, gut hanging over his belt walking around going, "Do bears bear, do bees bee?

" Don't you see?

In the long run, I made the right choice, the right decision.

Adulthood is wonderful.

There are people who've waited

- Some, longer.



- Ms.

Hayes you de

-Daved him, and that's that.

All right, I admit, I miss the old him.

I miss some of the fun, some of the spontaneity, but we'll survive.

I can be funny, I can be spontaneous.

Say something funny.

Give me a minute.



- Time's up.



- Man walks into a bar! I mean, this man walks into this bar with a duck under his arm.

Now, the bartender notices this and he looks at this man and he looks at this duck and says: "Where did you get the pig?

" So the man looks back at the bartender and he says: "That's not a pig, that's a duck.

" And the bartender looks at the man and says, "I wasn't talking to you

- I was talking to the duck.

"

- "I was talking to the duck.

" Okay.

Fine.

Man walks into a hardware store, says, "I need a mousetrap.

I'm in a hurry.

I have to catch a bus!" Hardware

-store man says, "Mister, I'm sorry but I don't have a mousetrap big enough to catch a bus!" You're all fungi.

De

-Daved him.

I'll de

-Dave them all.

They'll think it's D

-day around here, damn them.



- Yeah?



- There's a woman

- In a bar with a moose on her head.

I know all about it and I don't care.

Everybody is a comedian.



- What?



- I'm trying to tell you there's a woman here to see you, a Mrs.

Greydon.

Mrs.

Greydon! Mrs.

Greydon! I'm sorry to come in so early and without an appointment.

That's quite all right, Mrs.

Greydon.

Have a seat, please.

I certainly owe both you and your associate an apology.

I must have seemed very cold that day I first came to visit you.

Bargaining for my son's life, I

- My son.



- He's been kidnapped again.



- Mrs.

Greydon.

I went to his apartment this morning, we were going to have breakfast.

Talk, negotiate.

I'd say I'm sorry, he would say he was sorry.

I'd give him some money, he'd swear he'd never do it again.

That's what we do.

When I got there, no Clark.

Maybe he went out to get a paper.

This was on the kitchen table.

If they don't get the money by noon, they'll k*ll him.

By noon today?

That's less than two hours away.

Mr.

Addison isn't even here.

I will pay you anything you ask.

Anything.

I was able to get to the bank before I came here.

I have never been so frightened in my whole life.



- For this to have happened twice

- Mrs.

Greydon I promise you, it will be fine.

I probably never should have toyed with them the first time.



- It will be fine.



- Oh, yes, please.

Let's hope so.

Is Mr.

Addison in yet?

The old Mr.

Addison or the new Mr.

Addison?

Either one! No.



- I'm gone.



- Knew that.

Morning, Ms.

Hayes.

Sorry I'm late.

I stayed up reading a perceptive article called "Myth of the New Male.

" I am so glad you're here, David.

I could make a copy of it for you if you like.

She found this on the kitchen table.

Clark should hear about the boy that cried wolf.

If it is Clark, no more deals like this.

This is for safekeeping.

Do you think this ruins the lining of the suit?

Madam Hayes.

David, I've been thinking.



- Aren't you gonna say anything?



- Like what?

Like, "I know, I could see smoke rising from your brain.

" Of course not.

That wouldn't be mature.

That wouldn't be adult.

Which brings me to what I was thinking about.

When I was growing up, we had this great big sheepdog.

His name was Sport.

He was bouncy, friendly.

Every morning he would jump on the bed, lick me all over the face.



- My kind of dog.



- There's more.



- Licking or bouncing?



- The point is every time he jumped on my bed, he got my quilt dirty.

That made Mom crazy, she made Dad crazy so my father took him to obedience school, trained him to be a watchdog.



- What happened?



- It worked.

He stopped jumping on the bed, stopped licking me.

All he wanted to do was sit on the front porch and look for strangers.

Strangers, huh?

Looking for a zipless lick?



- Not funny.

You know what happened?



- Met a zipless tick?



- He got squished.



- Squished?

My father backed out and ran over him.



- Ran over him?



- Ran over him.

You understand my point?

Sure, I ain't never licking your face when your father's around.



- No.

Sometimes it means you have to

-

- Let licking dogs lay?

You have to accept the dog's limitations.

Sometimes I have to learn to accept.

I mean, maybe I have to learn to accept.

Never mind.

Here we are.



- Ms.

Hayes.



- No, thank you.



- I miss the old David.



- Excuse me?

I miss the old David, all right?

There, I've said it.

I miss him.

I want him back.

He's yours for the limboing and $3000.

I hope this little wager of ours is not gonna put a crimp on our friendship.

Current events.



- Quarter.



- You can give me the voucher later.

"Phone booth, corner of 5th and Flower, exactly 11:30.

" "Exactly" is all in capital letters.



- What do you think that means?



- I think it means exactly what it says.

Three minutes.

I don't know why we're rushing.

It's not really a kidnapping.



- Is it?



- I don't know.



- How much time?



- Two minutes.

This is supposed to be it.

It's supposed to be here.

"Los Angeles River, 11:41 drop money as you enter tunnel, he's at the other end.

" Easy pickup, easy getaway.

Never see him in the dark.



- We've got seven minutes, David.



- I'll get us there.

Seven minutes.

Come on, move it, dipstick.



- Sorry.



- That's okay, I think I like it.

Turn the wheel!

- How are we doing on the clock?



- Two minutes.



- Okay, roll your window down.



- Okay, I'm ready.

Over there.

One minute.



- We're late.



- Late for what?

Oh, David.

How long do you think the smell lasts?



- What?



- The smell of the gasoline.

I don't know.

How are we gonna tell Emily?

I think we just tell her, that's all.

I've never seen a man die before.



- It was our fault, wasn't it, David?



- What do you mean?



- We should've handled it differently.



- You mean the time, being late?

I mean if we hadn't lied about the first kidnapping Emily wouldn't have hired us for the second if she hadn't hired us for the second, her son would be alive today.

Maddie we did what we did for a reason.

Yeah, 50,000 of them.

Mrs.

Greydon, I can't tell you how badly we feel.

Clark, gone?

Mrs.

Greydon Mrs.

Greydon, I want you to know that our next case, our only case will be to find the people who m*rder*d your son.

I'd like it very much if you would leave now.

No matter how long it takes, no matter how much money it takes I give you my pledge

-

- I would very much like you to leave.



- We will find the people responsible.



- Leave.



- See that they are brought to justice.

Won't you please leave?

I meant what I said back there.

Between this case and that bet you and I made

- We'll find Clark Greydon's K*llers.



- what I need is a nice, long vacation.

We're gonna find his K*llers, David.

Maybe the Virgin Islands.

I always liked the name.

It may not wash his blood off our hands

- but it's gotta help.



- Take a vat of suntan oil.



- The look on her face

- Eat too much, drink too much.

I've never seen a man blown to bits before.



- Wait, say that again.



- Say what again?

Seeing a guy blown to bits.

I didn't see any bits of guy.

What "bits of guy"?

If a guy gets blown to bits, you're gonna see bits of guy, right?

A nose flying through the air, a finger hitting you in the face.

I didn't see anything, did you?

Well, no, but you were standing next to me when his van blew.

Yeah, the van did, but who says he was in it?

He wasn't in it.



- Clark did it again.



- Yeah.

Clark is alive! Clark is alive! Clark is alive! I can't wait to tell Emily.

Oh, David, isn't life wonderful?

Just when you think it's awful something happens and you realize it's gonna be fine.

And what if I don't feel like dialing 1 first?

That Clark, thinking he can pull this stunt on us twice.

Yeah, we showed him a thing or three.



- It's ringing, David.



- Ease into this.

She's already had a few surprises.

Don't worry.

If anybody understands that, I do.

Hello, Mrs.

Greydon, Madelyn Hayes.

Clark is alive! Clark is alive! That was terrific.

You got a big career ahead of you as a blackjack dealer.

How can I be sure?

Well, it's difficult to explain.

You see, the first kidnapping wasn't really a kidnapping.

It was Clark trying to extort money from you.

This is too difficult to do over the phone.

Mr.

Addison and I will come right over.

And congratulations, Mrs.

Greydon, to all of us.

Oh, David! I love the part where we solve the crime.



- I could get used to this myself.



- We didn't cause Clark's death and we actually earned our $50,000! Fifty thou.



- We did that, didn't we?



- Yeah, we did.



- Fifty thou.



- American dollars.

The geeters, the mohanski, the mondo buckos.



- What?



- You sang.

You just stood there and sang.

All right.

Okay, I sang.

What are you saying?



- You know what I'm saying.



- You talking about the bet?

If you are, it's not fair.

We had a definite mood going.

I was just

- Singing! You're something, you know that?

I don't know what.



- You were singing.



- I was celebrating! It was more than a doo

-wop.

It was a definite lyric.

You wiggled your hips, you even closed your eyes like Ricky Nelson.

Ricky Nelson?

! He's white! So, what does this mean?

You just lost the bet O'Neill and Jergenson lost their jobs and Blue Moon Investigations got its social director back.



- Here's an idea.

Double or nothing.



- What?

I bet you I can act like a mature adult for two weeks.

If I lose, we fire Jergenson, O'Neill and Maildeburg and Dane.

Addison, you lost the bet.

It's over.

Now, that's what I call hospitality.

Wonder where she is.

Now, let's see if I can understand this.



- She has a g*n on us.



- We should've wiped our feet.

That first note wasn't a real ransom note, was it?



- Why are you pointing that g*n?



- If one were to copy it to convince the world her son had been kidnapped You wrote those notes.

He was no son.

He was a professional albatross.

And after that first kidnapping I saw the opportunity to be rid of him forever.

It didn't matter whether we were there on time, that van was gonna go.

It all would have worked wonderfully if only I had known the truth about that first kidnapping.

Sorry to spoil the party.

Shall we go into the music room?



- What are you gonna do with us?



- k*ll you.

I like that.

Ask a simple question, get a simple answer.



- Nice piano.



- Any idea how you're going to k*ll us?



- I haven't had time to think about it.



- Don't let us rush you.



- Mind if I play something?



- I do.

Stop it.

Don't move.

David.

David.

Worked in the third grade, still works.

There's something to be said for not acting like a mature adult.

Oh, I suppose.

Mrs.

Greydon.

Yo?

Mr.

Addison?

Ms.

Hayes wants to see you in her office.

Not necessary.

Not necessary?

Not necessary.

Mr.

Addison, what does that mean?

What do you want me to tell her?

I want you to tell her not to worry.

Tell her I'm sharpening my axe.

Sharpening your axe.

Jergenson and O'Neill do you ever get the urge to rip off the old tie, kick off the old brogans and trade in this stale, day

-to

-day routine for a bold new adventure?

Does the phrase "stop and smell the roses" mean anything to you?

Let me put it to you this way, guys.

How much do you have in your checking account?

What Mr.

Addison is trying to say is we've finally found you parking places closer to the elevator.

Right?

Yeah.

I would have sugar

-coated it a bit, but that's the ying and the yang of it.

Yeah.

Got a minute?

- What was that all about?

- What was what?

- Are you letting me off the hook?

- I don't know, maybe I am.

Maybe I'm saving up IOUs for the day I'm on the hook.

Maybe, just maybe, I'm trying to be nice.

No.

You know, I would have made you limbo.

Yeah, I know.