♪ You must remember this
♪A kiss is still a kiss
♪A sigh is just a sigh
♪ The fundamental things apply
♪As time goes by ♪
- Good morning
- Morning, John
I don't see
- Well, you did say you'd look after them
- Did I?
Oh, yes Would you mind?
- We don't want them catching cold
- Of course not
Come in, come in
- Oh, dear
- Where to?
Well Well, in here, I suppose
Where shall we put them? On the floor?
No, have a bit of respect
Let's put them on the sofa
- John, are you positive I said I'd look after them?
- That's what they said down at the charity shop
- "Good old Jean" That's what they said
- Yes, I bet they did
- It won't be for long, will it?
- Just till the refurbishing's finished
You know how strapped for space
we are at the best of times
Had I had a glass of wine
when I made this promise?
- Three
- Oh
Serves me right, then
Look on the bright side,
they don't eat much, do they?
- Ta-ra!
- Bye
You can laugh
I don't have to wear the top hat, do I?
I look particularly silly in a top hat
I find that hard to believe, Li,
but just carry it if you want to
They're not collapsible, are they?
I have this fear of squashing it flat
and then not being able to get it back into shape
- I wouldn't want to let Judy down
- You won't
All you have to do is walk her up the aisle
- Yeah, without tripping up
- Hopefully, yes
Slow and calm, that's the key
Then the vicar says, "Who gives this woman
to be married to this man?"
Or, "Who giveth this woman
to be married to this man?"
Depending on how formal he feels
I take Judy's hand in mine
- Slow and calm
- Slow and calm
We turn to face each other We
We look into each other's eyes and
- Alistair!
- All right, stand back Give him some air
He's alive
- I can see that
- Li!
Yeah, I'm here, Alistair
No! Don't move him till the paramedics get here
- Anybody sent for the paramedics?
- He doesn't need paramedics He just fainted
I'm fine, really, I'm fine
Well, on your head be it
But you'll look silly if it's viral
- Viral?
- Well, it could be
- You're not a doctor
- No, I'm a bus driver
Well, you like to do your bit, don't you?
Well, it's kind of you to try and help,
but I'm quite sure he's okay now
I am, really, I am
Well, I'm not happy about it, but if you say so
Cancel the paramedics Cancel the paramedics!
- Are you sure you're all right, Alistair?
- Honestly, Li, they
They only last for a few seconds
Of course, we can always "They"?
You mean this has happened before?
Only a couple of times
- Well, you should see somebody
- I have Top man
200 guineas just to say hello
- What did he say?
- I hate to admit this
- Panic att*cks
- Panic att*cks?
Yeah, don't tell Judy, will you?
I'd hate her to think that I was panicking
about the wedding
Of course What are you panicking about?
The wedding
Now if you go like that, you'll just stand like that
That's about it Not bad
- Oh, hello
- Sorry, I didn't realise you had company
I'm looking after them for the charity shop
- To chat to?
- No, of course not!
Trying to work out how many people
we can get in here for the reception
You know, floor area
- You did that for our wedding I helped
- You did not, you messed about
You and Judy and Sandy
You kept moving about all the time,
so I estimated wrongly
Got too many people
That won't do for Judy and Alistair
It's got to be perfect
Well, if everybody is coming naked,
that should get things going
You know, for a grown man,
you can be very silly sometimes
- Whereas you as a grown woman
- It's perfectly normal Just looks odd, that's all
- Could you draw a circle round us, please?
- Right
Excuse me
- You had to say that, didn't you?
- Absolutely
Should I ask what happens next?
Well, yes, I cut out the circle,
and then I cut a lot more circles the same size
and I lay them out all over the floor
and see how many guests we can fit in
- Oh, I see
- Now, could you help me lift them, please?
- Lift what?
- Them, them
- Don't say, "Excuse me"
- No
How did you get here, car or train?
I fancy a custard tart Anyone?
Girls, you like custard tarts?
You gnaw on a joke until there's no meat
left on the bone, don't you?
I don't often get a chance like this
I really do fancy a custard tart now
Now just a minute Just a minute
Show me your suit
Oh All right
- Suit
- Oh, very nice
Oh, you'll look very elegant in that And the hat
- Yes, I've got the hat
- Yes, well, show me how it looks on
- Is this something I should be privy to?
- No, I'm just measuring and they're helping
- Oh, I see
- Lionel was about to try his topper on
No, he isn't No, it's bad luck to try it on
before the wedding Everybody knows that
I didn't
He's just being a misery I bet Alistair tried his on
Oh, yes, he couldn't wait
And I have to admit, he looked rather jaunty
Yes, well, he would, wouldn't he?
How is he, by the way?
I mean, "the big M" as he calls it
- How's he bearing up?
- Alistair?
Oh, very well Very calm, very composed
I'll have that custard tart now
Mum, can I?
- Hasn't anyone ever seen one of these before?
- Not around the house, no
- I didn't like to ask
- Honestly, all this fuss
We're decorating the charity shop
and we don't have room to store them
Now stop chattering
I've got a million things to do
Yes, well, before you do, I need to talk to you
- Oh, right
- I'll see you later then
- She went rather quickly
- Did she?
I need to talk to you about the wedding
- Nothing wrong, is there?
- No
Would you mind if we had it at Rocky's?
- Rocky's?
- Yes
I really fancy a country wedding, that's all
And then we could have the reception
at the house afterwards
- That would be perfect, wouldn't it?
- Yes
Of course, we'll have to ask him first
- Yes
- You don't mind, do you, Mum?
Mind? Why should I mind?
It's your wedding, isn't it?
Yes, but you hadn't actually started
planning anything for here, had you?
No, no, no, no
What is all this?
Oh, this? That's just something
Lionel's been doing
Ballroom dancing?
Yes You know, you have pieces of paper
and put them on the floor
in the pattern of the dance steps
They're shaped like feet, not big circles
Well, it was the best I could come up with
on the spur of the moment
- Do you think she believed you?
- Not really, no
- lf you'd just told the truth in the first place
- I didn't want to disappoint her
- Well, you're disappointed
- A little
Well, never mind
I'm sure it'll go with a bang at Rocky's
Provided he says yes
Can you honestly see the ageing king
of the swingers turning down a bash?
No
And look at the plus side
You don't have to get involved in anything
No
All you have to do is turn up in your new hat
New hat? What new hat?
Well, you're bound to want a new hat
for the wedding, aren't you?
- Rock on, I think it's a great idea
- Oh, you're an old sweetie, Rocky
We'll make this the biggest rave-up
since Keith Moon was in his heyday
- A rave-up?
- Rave-up?
Just a figure of speech Now what about fireworks?
- Why don't you sit down, Alistair?
- Top class Lots of rockets
- Fireworks?
- Fireworks?
We want this wedding to be remembered
We want this wedding
- Why don't you sit down?
- Yes
Thank you, Li
Why should you thank Lionel like that
just for suggesting you sit down?
Oh, just natural manners
It comes with the package
Going out of fashion, you know, good manners
Where's that barmy old bat? Mrs Bale!
Look, I'm sorry to be a wet blanket,
but the wedding may have to be
in London after all
- Oh, why?
- Well, you don't live here
- Alistair doesn't live here The church might
- No probs
I've squared it with the local vicar
- How do you square it with a vicar?
- Hey, hey!
The Irish Channel is gusting to force 5
And I resent being called a barmy old bat
- Were you listening at the keyhole?
- Certainly not
I assume you wanted something
Or were you just exercising your vocal cords?
I wanted to tell you
out of the goodness of my heart
that we shall be five for lunch
I know And it will be ready
in six and a half minutes
Oh, Mrs Bale
- About the catering for the reception
- Yes?
If you should need any professional help
Yeah Like, I know this outfit
called Nuptial Nymphs
They're an all-girl catering crew
I may require some assistance
in the serving of the food,
albeit from an all-girl crew,
but the preparation of the food is mine
and mine alone!
With your permission, of course
- Taken as read, Mrs Bale
- Good I'll send in Lol
Look, what I'd do
- is probably nothing
- Oh, don't worry
If that woman had been in North Africa,
she would have fed
the whole of the Eighth Army single-handed
Good morning, everyone
- Hello, Lol
- Come in, Lol
I won't stop, I just want to offer my condolences
Condolences?
Oh, dear, I've got the wrong word, haven't I?
- Felicitations That's what I meant
- Thank you
- Mother will be knitting you a pair of gloves
- Will she?
Oh, bound to
She always knits gloves for the bride
- It's a custom of hers
- Oh How very kind of her
Of course, the whole village is
agog with excitement
They reckon this will be the biggest thing
since the coronation
Well, I wouldn't put it on a par
with the coronation
Well, they do And they won't be told otherwise
Why should they?
This is going to be big with a capital huge!
Now, what else do we need? Music!
We need music
What about the Manic Street Preachers?
- The who?
- No, they've disbanded
- No, not a rock group
- No!
I was always partial
to the Dagenham Girl Pipers
Strong brawny girls, they were
- Alistair
- Yeah Right, right, right
I see where you are coming from on this one
We're into mellow music land
What about the London Symphony Orchestra?
- But would they all fit in the church?
- Are there more than six of them?
An extension! Yes! Oh, no, bad idea
Oh, no, there just isn't time Think, Deacon! Think!
- Will you sit down?
- Yes, yes, sorry
Now, what we really need is a few bottles
of something and a proper planning meeting
Lunch will be served in three minutes
- Right Thank you
- Thank you, Mrs Bale
It's a shame
Madge won't be here for the wedding
Yes Mind you,
she'd have insisted on playing the drums
- Where did Rocky say this dig was, again?
- Egypt
- Shibin El something
- Why didn't he go?
Well, he didn't see any point in old fossils
digging up old fossils
- I suppose that's what we're becoming
- Nonsense
Shall we go for a really long walk?
Or not
Why did you keep telling Alistair to sit down?
Well, he makes me feel dizzy when he flits about
all the time It's like strobe lighting
- He's all right?
- Yes
- Hello, love
- Hello Can I join you?
Of course
Alistair's turning this into a three-ring circus,
isn't he?
Now, don't worry
Lionel's going to have a word with him
Oh, would you, Lionel?
- Well
- You see, when he proposed,
I really did think he'd finally got his feet
back on the ground
Well, one foot, anyway
- Now
- And Rocky's no help
They're a combustible mixture those two,
like salt and petre
Judy, wouldn't this be better coming from you?
It's just that I've expended
so much time and energy trying to get Alistair
to behave roughly like a human being
that now we've got this far,
I don't want to come across as a shrew
- In any case, Lionel has natural authority
- When?
- All sorts of times
- Oh, thanks, Lionel
Thanks, Colin, I owe you one What? A heliport?
Well, no, we don't, but anything's possible
Let me run it through the old brainbox
Yeah, ciao, Colin, bye
Li, what would you say to a marching band?
Shut up and stop marching, probably
Oh?
Look, here, Alistair, this has to be said
You're going completely over the top with all this
- Me?
- Yes
I know it's well-intended,
but have you actually stopped to ask yourself,
"Is this really what Judy wants?"
- Yeah, but I'm doing it for Judy
- But is it what she really wants?
You mean, she doesn't? You do mean she doesn't
A quiet country wedding, that's what she wants
- Not even the string section of the LSO?
- Not even the triangle player
Well, then that's what she gets
All I want is for her to want for nothing
that she really wants
- I get a bit carried away, don't I?
- Just by a mile or two
Thanks, mate
Could be a plus side to this, you know
Your panic att*cks
- What about them?
- Well, you get them
You get them when you think of the wedding,
don't you?
- Yeah, I mean, me
- And the more excited you get,
the more likely they become
- Yeah, I mean, me
- So, the simpler the whole thing is,
- the less anxious you become
- Me
- I mean, me
- Look, will you stop saying that?
- Sorry, sorry
- So, a little country church,
local flowers, no LSO
and a congregation of less than 5,000
What could be less stressful than that?
You're right I feel calm just talking about it
Tranquil, that's the word Beautiful
You walk Judy up the aisle
I turn and there she is, looking like a dream
I take her hand in mine and
Oh, God!
Well, I think they'll be back soon,
but I'm not sure
- You should have phoned
- You've heard of phone tapping?
- Of course I've heard of it
- There you are, then
- Stephen?
- Yes?
- What are you doing?
- Just sitting here
- With your arms?
- Oh, that?
Reliving those halcyon days at university
- Arms round a couple of pretty girls
- I always suspected a darker side to your nature
Were there many pretty girls
at university, Stephen?
Oh, tons Not as pretty as you, my dear
Stephen!
- I daresay you were a bit of a rascal at university
- I had my moments
Mind you, in those days,
if you got as far as putting your hand on a girl's
Stephen!
Look, do those things have to be
in the room with us?
Well, they're either in here or in the kitchen, so
- I'll carry them through for you if you like
- Just leave them alone
- And what about you?
- I don't want to be carried into the kitchen
If you ever did
I meant marriage
- Any distant peals?
- Not really, no
No, what about
that traffic warden you were seeing?
- Larry?
- Harry, and he's a policeman
- Well, what about him?
- He's going to Canada
- What on earth for?
- His job
He's going on attachment
to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police
- Hmm But you're not going with him?
- No
- Did he ask?
- No
Poor little Sandy
- Not that I'd go with him if he did
- No, no, no, of course not
Nelson Eddy and Jeanette McDonald
- What about them?
- They were in a film about the Mounties
Desert Song.
No, that can't be right
Look, can't you stick to the subject
for more than 10 seconds?
- Rose-Marie.
- One of your floozies from university, I suppose
The name of the film about the Mounties
Well, if you want my opinion, this Harry,
he wants his brains tested
- Thank you, Stephen
- Poor little Sandy
Now, look, Penny
They're back
- Oh, what a lovely surprise
- Why, what's happened?
- Well, you turning up, I mean
- Oh Right
- Hello, Lionel
- Hello, Stephen Hello, Penny
Poor Jean, I only wish we had happier tidings
- Oh?
- Well, you see,
Stephen and I might not be able to come
to the wedding
Oh, that is sad
I had to tell you personally
It's our social calendar, you see
It has to be very flexible at the moment
- Well, one never knows, does one?
- Doesn't one?
I certainly don't
- The fact is, I've been put up for an OBE
- Oh, you fool
- It's supposed to be kept a secret
- Well, we are family
- Yes, but the fact remains that if this leaks out
- Oh, just a minute, just a minute
- Stephen, did you say the OBE?
- Yes
- Why?
- Services to dentistry, apparently
All thoseteeth
- Well, that's wonderful
- Yes, congratulations, Stephen
You clever old dentist
- Why all the secrecy, anyway?
- Because Downing Street Forget I said that
Because a certain source insisted
on the strictest confidence
- Well, we shan't say a word Girl Guide's honour
- Scout's honour
- Brownie's honour
- Oh, that'll have to do then
- I was in the Boys' Brigade
- Oh
- Really? Were you in the band?
- Yeah Well, sort of
I never could get a note out of my bugle,
so I used to trail along at the back and mime
You've done it again
- We've lost the thrust of the conversation
- Well, what thrust?
The reason why Stephen and I may not be able
to come to the wedding
- Oh, his prize-giving is the same day?
- No, the week before
- Oh, you've lost me
- Well, isn't it obvious?
Following the investiture, as we call it,
how can we be sure
that certain invitations to certain functions
might not be forthcoming?
Old Pen's got it firmly in her head that
we're going to become regulars at Buck House
Will you need a tiara?
It's typical male foolishness
Now, could we now possibly
sit down to tea comfortably
and get those horrid things out of the way?
- Oh, sorry, yes, of course Lionel, do you mind?
- Yes, of course
- Give us a hand, Stephen
- All right
I haven't swept a girl off her feet in years
That's something else about men
Is there one of them that isn't a latent pervert?
- Pity Stephen and Penny couldn't stay for supper
- Yes, I was very let down about that as well
- I wanted to ask you about Alistair
- Oh?
Well, when we were at Rocky's,
you seemed very solicitous about him
- There's nothing wrong, is there?
- Well, perhaps just a touch of pre-wedding jitters
Alistair?
Well, it's taken him so long to make
the commitment, it must be a bit awe-inspiring
Yes, I suppose so
- We don't want him passing out at the altar
- No
- Mum, could I talk to you?
- Yes, of course
- I think I fancy a Scotch
- Could you sit down a minute?
Oh, right
- It's about the wedding
- What about the wedding?
- What about the wedding?
- No, everything's fine
- Yes
- Except
- Yes, I knew there'd be an except
- Except, I still want it to be in the country,
but will you help me organise it?
- Me?
- Yeah
I mean, I know that Lionel has talked Alistair
out of his wilder flights of fancy,
but there's still Rocky I really don't want it
turned into some sort of jamboree
No, of course not Well, yes, I'll help,
but I haven't really thought very much about it
- You two look very gooey
- Yes, well, you better get used to it
- You ready?
- Yep
Why isn't Alistair going with you?
Oh, he's got an appointment
with some consultant in Harley Street
Consultant? I said there was something wrong
and you denied it
No, there's nothing to worry about
He said it's just something wrong with his toe
Ah Well, there you are, then
- Come on
- See you later
Yeah, Sandy, before you go
Were there any phone calls while we were out?
- Harry, you mean?
- No, not specifically
No No phone calls
- Bye
- Bye
- "Not specifically"
- Look, if this is gonna be a lecture
about minding my own business and not wanting
everything to turn out right for everybody,
you can forget it
I don't mind my own business and I do want
everything to turn out right for everybody
And that's honest,
which is more than you were about Alistair
- What do you mean?
- Well, you did know something was wrong
You knew about his toe all the time
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- You know it's rude to write at the table?
- Look, I'm just making a guest list
- You will be consulting Judy and Alistair?
- A provisional list
Who's that one?
Well, if you must know, it's Harry
- Now, there's a coincidence
- What is?
Well, Sandy will be at the wedding, too
Your sarcasm has all the subtlety
of a sledgehammer
- Would you mind getting that?
- Yes
Why people assume that other people
never sit down to a meal, I'll never know
I'm not interrupting anything, am I?
A meal or something?
No, who eats at this time, anyway?
I just wanted to bring you up to speed on things
You see, you're not just
a future pop-in-law to me, you're
- You're more like a real pop
- Thank you
So, what did your man in Harley Street say?
- They were panic att*cks, all right
- We knew that
Anyway, he gave me a jab
and some follow-up pills to calm me down
- Good
- But there might be side effects
Ah, they always say that to cover themselves
I had some sea-sickness pills once
and one of the side effects on the list was nausea
- But I am getting side effects
- It isn't fainting, is it?
No, it's more of an emotional thing, it's weird
I mean, I heard this busker guy playing a tune,
I didn't even know the tune,
but it was sad and before I knew where I was,
Li, I was blubbing
- Coincidence
- Is it?
- Well, tell me Tell me!
- Well, I don't know
Perhaps it was a tune
you remembered from childhood
A tune that you'd consciously forgotten
but subconsciously remembered
- Have you ever considered counselling?
- Only having it
Because that's brilliant
That's what it must have been
- Yes
- Yes
- No
- No?
No
- Because then, I saw a puppy
- Oh, dear
It was just a little puppy
walking along on its little lead
But then, it looked up at me and
Life's never a straightforward thing, is it?
Hey, just a minute
- People cry at weddings anyway
- But not usually the bridegroom
No Oh
Perhaps I should come off the stuff
- And settle for the fainting
- It's a close call, isn't it?
- Oh, Alistair
- Oh
Sorry, I was finishing supper
- And you lied to me just to make me feel better
- No, I'd practically finished, anyway
Just to make me feel better
Alistair, it's not bad news about your toe, is it?
Toe?
Yes, you were going to see somebody
about your toe
Oh, that!
- No, no, that's fine No probs there at all
- Oh, good
- What was wrong then?
- Oh, it was just a toe thing
- The sort of thing that can happen to a toe
- Quite common, apparently
- Very common
- Well, don't blind me with science,
I was just concerned, that's all
You people really care, don't you?
You really care!
- No!
- Lionel!
Well, I mean, we do But it's just a toe thing
I mean, it doesn't rate highly
on the caring side of things, does it?
No You're quite right, Li, it doesn't
- I've just been making a guest list for you
- For me?
- Yes, all right, Alistair
- My special lady
- You're making a guest list
- It's only a provisional one
- Yes, but you're making it
- Yes, but
I mean, do I deserve it?
Do I deserve to be so happy?
♪ You must remember this
♪A kiss is still a kiss
♪A sigh is just a sigh
♪ The fundamental things apply
♪As time goes by
♪And when two lovers woo
♪ They still say, "I love you"
♪ On that you can rely
♪ The world will always welcome lovers
♪As time goes by ♪
09x02 - Wedding Plans
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It follows the relationship between two former lovers who meet unexpectedly after not having been in contact for 38 years.
It follows the relationship between two former lovers who meet unexpectedly after not having been in contact for 38 years.