02x21 - The Good Medicine

[bunniefuu]

What would happen
if women used no make-up at all,

and faced the world
as nature intended them?

It's a frightening thought.

To a mere man it's amazing, the variety
of powders, creams and lotions

a woman can be conned into
putting on her epidermis,

all in the hope of finding fame,
adventure or best of all, true love.

Hi, Simon. Sorry I'm late.

It's a pleasure to wait for the Paris
correspondent of the International Press.

- So why are you late?
- What else? Traffic.

I'm only kidding. How are you?

Starving for lunch
and bursting with gossip.

Oh? About whom?

Denise Dumont. Ever met her?

No.

You will. She's lunching here today.
I'll introduce you.

What for?

I just want you to meet her.

Why, are you trying
to engineer a romance?

Of course. Between Denise Dumont
and the famous Simon Templar.

Denise Dumont.

- Impressed?
- Aren't you?

Oh, very.

You know her well?

She's one of my dearest friends.

Yes, I gathered that. What was
the meaning of that cr*ck in the lobby?

Look, let me tell you the saga of Denise
and then you can judge for yourself.

Ten years ago, she was an unspoiled
farm girl named Denise Dostert,

working in Beauvais,
a quiet town about miles from Paris.

'Beauvais wasn't exactly a Mecca
of gay life, wild parties and riotous living.

'Dumont's Pharmacy,
where Denise worked,

'got its last coat of paint
during the French Revolution.

'The customers
were out of Madame Tussaud's.

'Old fashioned, dull, dreary,
a store out of the ark.

'The whole setup made the Old Curiosity
Shop look like Saks Fifth Avenue.

'Denise was engaged to her boss,
Phillipe Dumont.

'He was a top-notch chemist
and was only ,

'but he had less sex appeal
than the Sphinx.

'Phillipe's assistant, Jacques,
was years younger,

'but he didn't own the pharmacy.

'However, it was a cosy little triangle,
and Denise played it strictly for fun.

(Banging)

'But there was a fly in the ointment.
Phillipe had a problem.

'His mother was a professional invalid.

'Whether the old doll
was as sick as she let on, I don't know.

'But dynamite wouldn't have gotten her
out of that wheelchair.

'It was her throne and, brother, she ruled.

'She didn't dominate Phillipe.

'She just told him what to eat,
what to wear, when to go to bed.

'If he was a good boy all week, she let
him go to the movies on Saturday night.

'Mama saw Denise as a usurper,
a thr*at to her authority over sonny boy.

'She dreamed of boiling Denise in oil.

'Denise didn't care. She loved
her enemies, she loved everybody.'

Jacques, you are nervous?

It is disloyal.

Ah... You have a conscience.

Yes.

And I have none?

I thought you liked me.

I... It is just that...

Oh, Denise.

- You are afraid of Phillipe?
- You are going to marry him.

Yes, I know. But not right now.

Denise, I love you.

Then you are a very silly boy.

(Footsteps)

Phillipe, how is she?

Maman is years old
and she has a very weak heart.

What more can I say?

Jacques, the prescription
of Madame Deslaurier?

It is ready, sir.

Denise, about the cinema tonight...

Phillipe, please. If your maman is having
one of her spells, we will sit with her.

Would you mind?

- Mind? I want to.
- Thank you.

But remember,
she's my maman too now, you know.

I can hardly believe that you really care.

She cared, all right.
Like a fox cares about a chicken.

Or like she cares about that poor shmo
that she's lunching with.

What happened next?

Did she booby-trap the wheelchair
and blow Maman out of her corsets?

It probably occurred to her.

But Denise has a practical mind.
Like a cobra.

She fussed over old Madame Dumont
like a cannibal over a missionary.

- Comfortable?
- Merci, merci.

- I think she looks better, don't you?
- Much. More colour, too.

We will not waste the entire evening
discussing my health.

I am dying and I know it.

Maman, please don't say such things.

Phillipe does not like to face the truth.

All his life he has ignored the obvious.

Fetch me some more cologne
from the shop, will you, please?

- Of course, Maman.
- And do not hurry, my son.

Mademoiselle and I
have much to talk about.

Now we can talk freely, mademoiselle.

Phillipe will not be gone long
so I shall come to the point.

I do not like you.

Oh. I'm sorry.

You want to marry him.

- He wants to marry me.
- Do you love him?

With all my heart.
He is a fine man and a good chemist.

I think he is wasted here in Beauvais.
He could do great things.

He will not leave Beauvais.
He will not marry you.

Forget your plans.

Why, Madame?
Because you want him for a lap dog?

(Denise laughs)

You know, force him to choose
between your lap and mine,

and believe me, he will choose mine.

How dare you speak to me like that?

(Gasps)

- Oh, do stop it.
- Oh, my pills.

(Groans) My pills!

The table. My pills...

(Maman whimpers)

'Denise nursed the old doll like Florence
Nightingale bucking for a promotion.

'But deep down in her heart,
Maman knew she was licked,

'and there wasn't much point
in fighting Denise.

'Anyway, a couple of weeks later
Maman gave up the ghost,

'and passed politely
into the great beyond.

'As you can imagine,
Denise wept tears the size of walnuts.

'With Mama six feet under, she went
to work on Phillipe with all systems go.

'She had him at the altar
before he knew what hit him.

'He caved in like ice cream
under a blowtorch.'

Ah! It's nice to see you.

'So now Jacques
was Denise's employee too,

'and would presumably kiss her
on order.

'So, the newlyweds settled down

'to an exciting life
of laxatives and nose sprays.'

Bills, bills, bills.

Ah, New York!
A letter from my sister Marie.

- What's she like?
- Adorable. Much younger than I am.

You would love her.

What does she say?

She longs to meet you.

She is sorry
that she missed Maman's funeral,

but she couldn't afford the fare.

I thought everyone was rich in America.

Not French teachers, apparently.

The ability to make money
doesn't run in our family.

- Phillipe, it could.
- You're still chasing those silly dreams.

They're not dreams. There's
a fortune to be made out of cosmetics.

It's not that easy.

Phillipe, you could help me.

We could bottle something,
just to see how it would sell.

The secret is in the appearance.

As long as the packaging looks
expensive, nobody cares what's inside.

That's not honest.

Phillipe, all I'm asking

is that we try to build up a business
that means something.

The pharmacy's been in our family
for three generations.

Yes, I know.
But I want something better for you.

You're so clever.

Couldn't you analyse some
of the cosmetics we have here now,

and then just let me try to make my own?

Please, Phillipe.

Just to please me.

'When Denise used that tone,
she got what she wanted.

'Phillipe dreamed up some formulas,

'and Denise conned Jacques
into working at night.

'Jacques may have had a few ideas,
but Denise was all business.'

- ...
- It's after eleven. Can we not stop?

All right. If only
I could afford the right packaging.

White leather box with pink satin lining.

Where did you learn
all this about costs and packaging?

There are books from Paris.
Paris leads the world in this sort of thing.

And you want to lead the world, too, eh?

You can laugh at it now.
I admit it is pathetic.

But I'm on the way up.

My day will come.

All that money
for one page in a magazine?

We have to advertise.

But Denise! "Dreemicreme",
it sounds such a silly name.

It sounds American to the French,
and French to the Americans.

What difference does it make
what it sounds like to Americans?

Phillipe, I am going to expand.

I am going to sell Denise Dumont
products all over the world.

'Denise was as good as her word.
She spread like Bubonic plague.

'Things to make a gal beautiful,
seductive,

'more hairy, less hairy,
thinner or fatter,

'or the life of the party.

'She spent a fortune on advertising,

'and with a combination
of brains and ruthlessness,

'pushed her products all over the world.

'The New York office
was done in Louis Quinze Miami.

'The Paris office
was done in Metro Goldwyn Medici.

'Denise acquired a staff of .

'Advertising agencies,
promotion managers, the works.

'This kid's personnel policies

'would have made a Carthaginian
salt mine operator weep with envy.'

Mr McGowan,
you can write the American ads.

How long before I can have a breakdown
of the entire campaign?

- I'd say a week.
- Well, that'll be all, then.

Tell me, are you busy all the time?

I'm prepared to make any sacrifices
for my clients.

I'm sure.

And if you need me for anything,
I'm at the Raphael.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Oh, goodbye, Mr Dumont.

- Are you going to telephone him?
- Probably.

- Have you no shame?
- None.

I am glad Maman is not alive to see this.

Hmph! No gladder than I am.

I forbid you to speak of Maman like this.

You forbid?

Is it remotely possible you consider
yourself boss around here?

What have you done
to build up this business?

I won't quarrel with you.
We will talk at home...tonight.

Wait!

Ginette, ask the porters to come up
and remove my husband's desk.

Call my lawyer for an appointment
this afternoon.

And ring the Raphael and leave
a message for Mr McGowan to ring me.

What does this mean?

It means that you are going back to
Beauvais and the pharmacy for good.

You're exactly what
your mother made you.

A weak, useless, helpless,
pretentious bore.

You're no good as a businessman
and no good as a husband.

- Denise, please...
- Aren't you man enough to walk out?

- There's nothing between us any more?
- Nothing.

Now, get out of my office,
my home and my life.

(Knocking on door)

Entrez.

'As usual, when Denise fought, she won.

'Phillipe hadn't a prayer.

'He went back to Beauvais
a sick and beaten man.

'Denise was now alone - rich, famous
and right on top of the world.'

Alfredo, who is that man
with David Stern?

- I do not know, chérie.
- Thank you very much.

He's rather fascinating.

I don't know why you should look at
another man when I am so pretty!

- What'll you bet she doesn't come over?
- Why shouldn't she? She's your friend.

No, Simon. You're the grouse
in the heather. You'll see.

Alfredo, Mummy's little beautiful
is feeling miserable.

- Oui, I take him.
- Yes.

Dave! How lovely to see you again.
It's been ages, and looking so well.

- Denise.
- I didn't know you lunched here.

Denise, may I present an old friend?

Mr Simon Tombs,
Madame Denise Dumont.

- Madame.
- How do you do?

Simon's an old friend, just visiting Paris.

Oh, Mr Tombs, how I envy you!

You know, we poor souls
who live in Paris never see it.

- Will you be here long?
- Two or three weeks.

- Where are you staying?
- The Reserve.

David, we must entertain him.
Call me and we'll arrange something.

- I'd love to.
- You're very kind.

Not at all. Any friend of David's
is a friend of mine.

Well, lovely to have met you.

- OK, what's the idea?
- Check, please.

- I just wanted you to meet her.
- Why introduce me as Tombs?

The name Templar frightens people.
And I want you to get involved.

Now, Dave, Denise is no worse than
lots of other ruthless career women.

She outgrew her husband
and got rid of him.

Doing anything important
this afternoon?

- Not particularly. Why?
- We're going on a little trip, to Beauvais.

David, I know you meant well, but you
should not have told Mr Templar all this.

I figured he might help.
He's been a pal of mine for years.

- It is time somebody got back at Denise.
- I'm beginning to agree.

Forgive my sister. She is impetuous.

I'm furious. Denise is wallowing
in money and we can't pay our bills.

- Are things that bad?
- Marie exaggerates.

- Mr Templar, we have nothing.
- We have our self-respect.

That won't pay doctors' bills.
Phillipe is sick and he's tired.

The doctor said he should get away and
rest in the sun for at least six months.

- Have you seen a lawyer?
- It's no use.

No, Denise saw to that.

I am rather tired.
Will you excuse me, please?

These creams and lotions
that Denise sells. Were they yours?

We worked on them together.

- Phillipe discovered every formula.
- And Denise stole them.

She did not steal them.

Phillipe trusted Denise completely.
He signed everything she told him to.

Then legally, you have no claim at all.

None. It was kind of you to come so far.
Even kinder of you to want to help us.

I am sorry that you have had
such a useless journey.

Sorry, but the only way to get any money
from Denise is to ask her for it.

- You mean, go to see her?
- Mm. You're not afraid of her, are you?

- No, I've never met her.
- You haven't?

No, I was in America until after
she and Phillipe were divorced.

But I will go to see her.
I will humble myself and beg.

Easy!

- If Madame wants an inch off her waist...
- I don't want it torn off.

- Yes, Madame.
- (Door buzzer)

- Whoever that is, I'm not at home.
- Yes, madame.

- Yes?
- I'd like to see Madame Dumont.

- Madame is not here.
- Oh. When will she be back?

- I have no idea.
- It's very important. A family matter.

- I'm Marie Dumont, her sister-in-law.
- Oh, well, come in.

I will have a look in Madame's calendar.
Perhaps I can give you an appointment.

- Will you wait here, please?
- Thank you.

- Who was it?
- A Marie Dumont.

- She says she's your sister-in-law.
- Says? You mean you let her in?

- Shh! She'll hear you.
- Get rid of her.

Madame, I didn't say you were at home.
It seems to be a family matter.

- You are begging to be dismissed.
- But I thought...

It should not be necessary to yell at you
to get you to do what you're told.

I am out to everybody tonight,
and to Marie Dumont forever.

Yes, Madame.
What shall I say to her?

Say I've gone to New York, say I'm dead,
but get rid of her.

Yes, Madame.

- Mademoiselle, I regret...
- Yes, I heard.

I am very sorry.

- Any luck?
- No. She wouldn't even see me.

- Well, I guess the time has come, then.
- For what?

To teach Denise a lesson.
I've a date with her tomorrow night.

What a lovely evening!

Except for the heat.
I never remember Paris being this hot.

Neither do I.

- What can I offer you?
- Anything you feel like.

Simon, you do like me a little bit,
don't you?

No, I hate you.

I know.

Pour some drinks, will you?

- Get the chiffon negligee.
- Yes, Madame.

I shall want a massage tonight,
so you'd better wait up.

- But Madame, it is after o'clock.
- And what of it?

I am rather tired
and I have a bit of a headache.

- You'd better go home then, hadn't you?
- Thank you, Madame.

- Don't bother to come back.
- Madame?

You've been asking for it for weeks.
You're dismissed. Fired.

But I have done my best.

Yes, and your best isn't good enough.
Pack and get out.

(Clock chiming)

- Well!
- Like it?

It's gorgeous.

Now...

- Tell me more about yourself.
- I'd rather talk about you.

- Oh, I've been talking all evening.
- Yes, but it's fascinating.

A woman as beautiful as you,
controlling an empire.

- It's hard to believe.
- I've worked hard.

- Aren't you ever lonely?
- Yes, often.

I'm sorry.

When I was very young, I married a man
who was, well...just hopeless.

He was weak, perpetually drunk,
almost constantly unfaithful.

He could have had the company. I'd far
prefer to be a wife than an executive.

If he'd just given me a little love,
a little consideration.

I suppose I'm far too trusting.

Yes, I can tell it from your eyes.

- Goodbye, Madame.
- Goodbye, Mathilde.

- And thanks for everything.
- You're more than welcome.

- Where's she going? The North Pole?
- Oh, she's leaving me.

Oh, why?

Her mother is ill
and Mathilde has to take care of her.

It's ghastly being without a maid,
but I can't stand in her way.

After all, one has to
take care of one's family.

The formulas Phillipe's worked on over
the years, are none of them any good?

Oh, yes, they're all marvellous.
Every one of them.

What's this one?
Oh, yes, the silver polish. It's superb.

But there are brands on the market
and no manufacturer will touch it.

That's a shampoo he signed over
to Denise. She's made a fortune out of it.

And Simon, he's not well. He's
simply got to get away and have a rest.

- Marie, what's this?
- An insect repellent.

- Does it work?
- One hundred per cent.

- Why doesn't he sell it?
- It has a slight odour.

That could be disguised with scent.

That's no problem, but this stuff,
Ethyhexam, costs , francs a litre.

bucks a quart.

Competitive brands that are
almost as good sell for five francs.

Phillipe has never done anything
really practical in his life.

- Marie, I have an idea.
- What?

Well, I'm going to need your cooperation.

But six weeks ago, you make with me
this arrangement.

Yes, but I've changed my mind.
Take somebody else.

- At this lateness, who would go?
- Your mother. A cab driver. Anybody.

No. I do not like this treatment.

Here's francs. Now scoot.

No. And nothing
will make me change my mind.

.

I go.

Ah, Simon. Hello.

- Denise.
- The Count was just leaving.

You prefer him to me? Fantastic!

- You're a delicious man.
- Be careful. You'll get indigestion.

There's only one trouble. You're
beginning to interfere with my work.

It does you good
to get away from business.

By the way,
any luck in the maid department?

No, I've interviewed dozens.
All complete idiots.

It so happens I know someone
who is quite exceptional.

- She's actually available?
- Available and willing.

- I could get her to call you at the office.
- What's she like?

She works like a horse and doesn't give
a damn about what hours she does.

- What's the catch? Is she an arsonist?
- She's quiet, pleasant and efficient.

Well, you'd better tell her to get in touch.
I'm desperate.

- Consider it done. Well, I must be off.
- Darling, there's no rush.

- I've got to catch a plane in the morning.
- Where are you going?

To London. I'll be back in hours.
I have to see some dreary pill makers.

- Don't forget we've got a date, will you?
- No.

What dreary pill makers?

They're interested in a pill
I want to market.

- What pill?
- I never mix business with pleasure.

It's like mixing champagne with vinegar.
Let's be all champagne.

Who are you going to see?
I know lots of people in the business.

- Shall I fix you a nightcap?
- Thanks.

Is it, erm... Is it a specific, or does it...?

It grows warts.
Take two dozen and look like a toad.

- Now, don't get angry.
- Then don't talk business.

I only want to help. Tell me who you're
seeing, I might be able to put in a word.

Denise, my darling,
I do not need your help,

and I do not want to talk business.

I apologise. I'm crass and vulgar
and I'm deeply ashamed of myself.

You're forgiven.

But why? For what I follow
this Mr Tombs to London?

He's going to meet some
very important drug manufacturers.

- He takes dr*gs?
- Alfredo!

Now listen, go to the Reserve
and wait for him.

- When he leaves, follow. Understand?
- Follow him.

When he gets on the plane,
you get on the plane.

And when he gets off, I get off.

Marvellous. All I want is the name
of the company. Understand?

- (Knocking)
- Come in.

Madame Dumont,
a Mademoiselle Videau to see you.

- Never heard of her.
- A maid.

- Mr Tombs asked her to call on you.
- Send her in.

Now, have you got it, Alfredo?

francs per day plus expenses for
the name of whoever Mr Tombs meets.

When you find out, telephone me.
Now, do you understand?

francs a day.

Oh, very well, francs.
But no mistakes.

Don't worry, chérie,
I am the great detective.

I will lick him at his own game.

Come in. I go.

- Mademoiselle Videau?
- Oui, Madame.

It is a great honour to meet you.

Simon, do you think we can get away
with this?

Even I am forced to admit
it's pretty far out. But it's worth a try.

- The point is, does Denise trust you?
- I think so.

Last night, she said I was the best maid
she'd ever had.

- Then we've nothing to worry about.
- (Knocking at door)

That's Dave.

- Come on in.
- Morning, Simon. Hi, Marie.

- There's something fishy going on.
- What?

The Count is downstairs,
making like Sherlock Holmes,

pretending to read a paper
and peeking over the edge.

- He couldn't be more obvious.
- What do you suppose he's up to?

Maybe Denise suspects something.

She could have figured out
I'm not going to London.

- And had the Count follow you.
- That could louse up everything.

Dave, you and I are going to put
the Count out of circulation for hours.

(Car horn)

Sherlock Holmes still on our tail?

Yeah. Don't make it too tough for him.

Help! Police! m*rder!

Never in my life am I so humiliating.

- We're sorry, Count.
- Did Denise tell you to follow me?

To London.
To find out who you sell this pill to.

- She's hooked.
- She wants it for herself.

And she's going to get it.
Bonne chance.

...projecting your figures
over the last six months,

and giving me separate costs
on shipping and packaging.

- That's all.
- Yes, madam.

Oh, incidentally, there's been no call
from London, has there?

No, Madame.

Right, that's all.

Darling, you're back.

- Am I interrupting?
- No, I was finished. How was London?

Hot, dull, but profitable.
Did Mademoiselle Videau get in touch?

Yes, and I employed her at once.
I can't thank you enough.

Good. We still have a date tonight?

I was counting on it.

And how are your pill makers?

Dreary but generous.

If I pick you up at seven, will that give
you time to be relaxed and beautiful?

Pick me up at :
and I'll be especially fascinating.

(Purrs)

Do you know Mr Tombs well?

No, Madame. He was a friend
of the people I worked for last.

What does he actually do? For a living?

I believe he has many businesses.
Very rich.

- What's the time?
- : .

Mm. Well, that'll do for the massage.
Run my bath, will you?

Yes, Madame. Let me see if I remember.

One cup of salts, two bath capsules
and ten drops of perfume.

- You learn fast.
- I try, Madame.

But it is easy to work
for a woman as beautiful as you.

How very sweet.

(Door buzzer)

- Hello, Therese.
- Good evening, Mr Tombs.

- How are you getting along?
- I think Madame is satisfied.

Madame is delighted. Help yourself
to a drink, Simon. I won't be a moment.

Thanks, Denise.

(Footsteps)

Hiya, Count. Ready for some dinner?

I am starvation.

- Would you like a drink first?
- If it is possible, I 'ave a pink gin.

(French accent) It is possible.
Don't go away, eh?

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

Any...diversions in London?

- None.
- Liar.

- I swear.
- I've booked a table at Le Tour d'Argent.

- No.
- No?

No, I have other plans.
Something romantic, idyllic, beautiful.

- It came to me on the plane.
- Tell me more.

- A picnic.
- A picnic. In these clothes?

Not an ordinary picnic.

No, this is none of your sand in the
sandwiches or ants in the beer stuff.

Yes, that just about sums it up.

No, I have caviar, vichyssoise,
prawns in aspic,

glazed pheasant with truffles
and champagne.

Heavens!

The finest music in the world by
the best orchestra, on tape of course,

a beautiful spot
near the water at Versailles,

a full moon, a languid night...

and me.

And the mosquitoes. We'll be eaten alive.

No, I've taken care of that too.

Here, take one.

- Why?
- Do as I tell you. Take one.

- Well, what is it?
- What does it look like?

- A pill.
- There's a clever girl. Now, take one.

What will it do to me?

- It'll drive you mad with passion.
- No, seriously.

Will you take one?

- No, thanks.
- All right.

Follow your leader.

Well, it's been a gay life and a busy one.

Wake up, Count. Drink time.

Count!

Simon, I'm dying with curiosity.
What will that pill do to me?

You are now absolutely immune to bites
from mosquitoes, gnats, flies,

beetles, bugs and every other
winged creature for hours.

Simon, you're crazy.

My own research department has been
working on a repellent for years.

And they've come up with an assortment
of smelly, sticky oils.

That come off on beds,
clothes and towels.

This won't.

I'm sorry, I can't buy it.

London did.

- Are you serious?
- Very.

- They've tested it?
- Of course.

- And it works?
- Yes.

Well, what's in it?

I've no idea.

But my own chemists have tried
everything. Who's in it with you?

How long have you been at it?
What's your formula?

Denise, I've told you before,
I don't like talking business.

I refuse to leave this flat
until you've told me everything.

- You're a persistent woman.
- Very. Now tell me.

(Hissing)

- Any more soda?
- Of course. Start from the beginning.

OK. My father was an explorer,
mostly in the jungles of South America.

(Door buzzer)

oh!

Inform Madame that I am here in person.

I'm sorry,
but Madame is out for the evening.

So...the plot is thickening.
You are in on it too.

I fix.

Therese!

- I rang.
- I am sorry, Madame.

- A siphon of soda from the kitchen.
- At once, Madame.

So, go on.
Your father explored the Amazon.

Yes. He wondered how natives
could live naked in the jungle

with insects that would drive an
unprotected white man insane in hours.

Aren't they immune?

No, not naturally,
so he searched for the answer.

- And found it?
- Mm-hm.

- In what?
- A nut.

- You're joking.
- (Mouths)

No, I'm serious.

I've spent a fortune developing this.
And it works per cent. You'll see.

- What's all the frantic rush?
- I'm anxious to prove my point.

- You said you wanted another drink.
- I changed my mind.

- Don't wait up, Therese.
- Thank you, Madame.

(Whispers) The Count arrived. I hit him
on the head and put him in the bedroom.

- Enjoy yourselves.
- I won't guarantee it, but we'll try.

- Good night, Therese.
- Good night.

Police!

(Insects chirruping and owls hooting)

- Romantic, isn't it?
- Yes, if I don't get bitten to death.

You won't.

I must say,
you've been to a lot of trouble.

So you went up the Amazon
and you found this tree?

Yes, about a year ago.

Dad had written to me about it, so I ate
a couple of the nuts, and they worked.

No insect would have
anything to do with me.

You can put me on that list too
if it doesn't work.

- Caviar?
- Lovely.

- Been bitten yet?
- No. No, it's amazing.

And there are millions of insects.
Listen to them.

Mmm. Trillions of them.

Is there... (Sniffs) ..a slight odour?

None that even your best friend
could detect.

But to an insect...(Sniffs) Wow!

- What's the name of this tree?
- I have no idea.

I had five tons of the nuts husked
and pounded by native labour,

then shipped down to the port at Belém.

Oh, wait, music.

I've got sacks of it
stocked in a warehouse down there.

Now, Brahms or Beethoven?

Who makes these pills for you?

OK, Brahms.

♪ (Gentle orchestral melody)

Please tell me.

I brought back a few pounds with me,
and a pharmacist friend made them up.

Do you realise how a product like this
could be exploited?

Champagne?

Do you?

Your brand.

Simon, you could make a fortune.

Now, Denise, please, no more business.

Dinner is about to be served.

Me, a burglar? It is a lie, all of it.

- He att*cked me.
- Do not worry.

I am innocent. I am the Count
Alfredo de Leenenze de...

Call the ambassador immediately!

- Brandy?
- Yes.

But did this London company
give you a good deal?

£ , for the exclusive
manufacturing rights in Europe.

- Providing there's no hitch.
- Hitch?

The company chairman's
on vacation. The deal needs his final OK.

Your coffee hot?

Yes, it is. But do stop talking
about food all the time.

- When will you get this final OK?
- I think he comes back tomorrow.

Because I had a date with you.

- To you.
- You're stark-staring mad!

You're out of your mind.

- It's not that bad a deal.
- They're robbing you.

I'm a pill maker myself and so I know.
I'll double their offer right now.

- You'll what?
- How about it?

Denise, I have given my word.

- They haven't given theirs.
- Practically.

- Nothing's been signed, has it?
- Well, no, but...

They could back out tomorrow
without owing you a cent.

If they can't close a deal because
their chairman's on vacation,

- ...that's their fault, not yours.
- I guess you're right.

Send them a cable tonight.
Tell them the deal is off.

Suppose you wake up in the morning
and decide you've made a mistake.

Are you going to tell me the deal is off?

You don't know me very well.

It's not that I don't trust you, it's just that
I've already told you times tonight,

I don't like mixing
business with pleasure.

Well, I love it.

And to prove my point,
here's my cheque for , francs.

Cash it first thing in the morning,

then cable your people in London
and tell them that the deal is off.

Darling, are you sure
you want to do this?

Absolutely positive.

Well, all right, it's a deal.

(Door buzzer)

All right! All right,
I'm coming, I'm coming.

- Alfredo, where have you been?
- I 'ave spent the night in jail.

And you, the great Madame Dumont,
have been swindled.

Your plane tickets, hotel reservations,
and a letter of credit for , francs.

I can't believe it. Why should Denise pay
so much money for an insect repellent?

- She thinks it's terrific.
- And that she can make money out of it.

She actually tried it?

Last night. Marie spiked her bath oil, her
cologne, her scent and her massage oil.

It worked perfectly.

We must leave now,
or we'll miss the plane.

- Au revoir, Marie. Bon voyage.
- Goodbye. Thank you very much.

Denise has some idea
of putting it into pills.

Pills, she must be mad!

- Goodbye, David.
- Goodbye, Marie.

Mad? I've a hunch she is.

So I cashed your cheque
and gave the money to Phillipe.

- I'll k*ll you.
- Come on, Denise.

, francs
doesn't mean that much to you.

And it does mean a great deal to Phillipe.

Besides, you did get rich
on his formulas.

- I'll sue you.
- You'd lose.

- I'll put you in jail.
- You can't.

- We didn't have a contract.
- Cheat!

All you did was write a cheque
of your own rather greedy free will.

- Fraud! Liar!
- You were trying to pull a fast one.

- You're a miserable...
- Come on, Denise!

Why don't you take
a little of your own medicine?

It's very good medicine.