05x05 - The Helpful Pirate

Episode transcripts for the TV series, "The Saint". Aired: 4 October 1962 – 9 February 1969.*
Watch/Buy Amazon


Simon is a wealthy adventurer and 20th Century Robin Hood, who travels the world in his white Volvo P1800S to solve the unsolvable and right wrongs.
Post Reply

05x05 - The Helpful Pirate

Post by bunniefuu »

SIMON: A famous
American poet once said,

"Into each life,
some rain must fall."

Some is too much for me,
so I'm off to sunnier climes.

Will passengers for
Flight to Nassau...

Here I come.

..please collect their hand luggage

and proceed along the airside
corridor to gate number ?

Please have your
boarding cards ready.

Passengers are requested
not to smoke outside the building.

You're wanted.

So, don't make a scene.

Or any noise.

Please come quietly.

You won't be needing that.

Are we going to a party?

All we were told was
"get Simon Templar".

I've got it, you're recruiting
officers for the Navy.

You need a fourth for bridge?

Cheer up, it's stopped raining.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Are you ready for us?

I've got it! You want me
to write my life story.

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)

Please go in, Mr Templar.

Thank you.

I might've known.

Simon, how nice to see you.
Iwish it were mutual.

Well, I must say
your operators are improving.

Oh, you think so?

Oh, yes, Iwould never have guessed
they were British Intelligence.

Oh, I'll tell them.
They'll be so pleased,

especially coming from you.

Oh, and may I present
Mr Simon Templar, Ms Fran Roeding.

Mr Templar.

Under any other circumstances,
I'd be delighted, Ms Roeding.

Iwas on my way to Nassau.

I know, that's why I adopted
such forceful methods.

Simon, this is just
really important. It better be.

Perhaps you've heard of Ms Roeding's
father Professor Ernst Roeding.

The scientist? Lasers, isn't it?

His work is of immense importance
to Her Majesty's government.

Well? Well, he's...
he's disappeared.

He went to Hamburg
for the weekend on the th.

And this is now the th.

He just seems to have
vanished into thin air.

Or possibly, forgive me, defected.

No, Iwon't believe that!
It's a possibility.

You've heard nothing
from him since he left?

He telephoned. And?

Well, he said he was fine.

He went over there
to look for antiques.

You know those German Roemer
We chatted for a moment,

and then he said
something very strange.

He said, "Fran,
and I mean a fortune."

"I think I'm on to a fortune,
and I mean a fortune." Yes.

Did he explain?
No, he was very mysterious.

Anyway, he said he'd
be back on the th.

and they just didn't know
where he was, they hadn't seen him.

Which hotel? The Neuezeiten.

And here's a photograph
of Professor Roeding.

Simon, this is absolutely vital.
Will you help?

May I ask you a question?

Mm-hm.
How many operators do you have?

That's classified information.

All right then, why pick on me?

You have unique talents.

(SCOFFS) Iwon't dispute that.

What's the real reason?

At the moment,
I have no other operator free.

Mm.

Simon, Iwant you to do this.
Will you?

All right. Where do I start?

I suggest you try to retrace
Professor Roeding's footsteps

on the night of the th,
when he disappeared.

Anything else?

Yes, I have a bag on
a plane bound for Nassau.

Well, you haven't actually. I had it
offloaded onto the Hamburg plane,

which leaves with you on it in...
minutes. You better hurry.

Guten morgen.

My office called from London,
If you will register, Mr Templar.

And your passport, thank you.

I believe a friend
of mine is staying here -

Ernst Roeding.

Oh, Professor Roeding is
away on a trip, sir.

Did he leave a forwarding address?
No, sir, he didn't.

Well, it doesn't matter.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

.

Dankeschon. Sehr freudig.
Bitte schon.

Ernst Roeding. Try to remember, here.

Ah, that one, the professor.

He was in room .

I'd like to take a look.

Thank you.

Thank you, and don't worry,
I won't quote you.

Packing? You'll be needing these.

Herr Templar,
What are you doing here?

Ah, it's a fair question.
I might ask you the same.

The... Herr Professor,
he telephoned.

Oh, from where?
He did not say. Too bad.

Well, he asked me to pick up
his things and erm...

somebody would call for his bag
and pay the bill.

Meaning he is not coming back?
No, he's definitely not. Good.

Then I'll have this room.

But you're in .

Not now. Out. Raus.

Herr Templar, I will
have to call the manager.

Fine, when you're finished,
I'll call the police.

Instead, you call the maid.
Tell her to make up this room

and bring me a jug of ice water.

Auf wiedersehen.

(WHISTLES)

(PHONE RINGING)

Yeah?

Franz, a man named Templar
broke into Roeding's room.

You stupid jerk, I told you
to get rid of Roeding's clothes.

Iwas right, he is a British agent.

No, no, don't do anything.
just shut up and wait.

Any problems?
He wants medicine from the hotel.

What's all this about you
wanting some medicine, professor?

My asthma pills, from my hotel.

You'll get 'em. Anything else?
Tea? Coffee? A drink, maybe?

Iwant nothing...
except to get out of here.

Well, now,
I'm meeting someone in half an hour.

You're wasting your time.

You're a fool. You think so, huh?

I will not work
for the Russians. Ever.

Who said anything
about you working for them?

But...

(STAMMERS) ..I thought you were...
That's got nothing to do with it.

I'm no recruiting sergeant.

All I'm doing is selling you
to the highest bidder.

Now, the British will pay
to get you back alive.

The Russians will pay
to prevent that.

Well, so long, pal.
It won't be long now.

I got your message. And?

Your price is too high.

For the world's greatest expert
on lasers, my price is rock-bottom.

You're very...confident.

A British agent has arrived.

I don't believe it.

Why don't you check on it?

The Neuezeiten Hotel,
the name is Templar, Simon Templar.

Have you contacted...

Have you contacted him? Not yet.

You delay it. How long?

hours. I must get
approval of the price.

There's one problem. What's that?
OK, hours.

How do we know
Roeding will work for us?

Oh, we can make a man confess,
say this, admit that,

but we cannot make a scientist

do constructive work
against his will.

Iwas always under the impression
you guys could be most persuasive.

hours.

Hello? Suchet? Yeah. Suchet?

Templar.

Yes . Yes .

In approximately eight minutes.

Right.

Over and out.

The subject's name is Templar,
Simon Templar.

Staying at Neuezeiten Hotel.

And thought to be a British agent.

He may be bidding against us in
the Roeding affair. And my orders?

He is to be observed
for a possible elimination.

well, like an inverted
ice-cream cone.

Yeah, Roemer glasses.

That's it. Do you have any?

I am sorry, they are
quite rare and expensive.

That's exactly why Iwant them.

But I'll be only glad to look around
for you if you leave your name.

Templar. T-E-M-P-L-A-R. Templar.

Initials?

"S"_ "S"_

And where are you staying?

The Neuezeiten Hotel.
Neuezeiten Hotel.

Well, if I find any,
I'll let you know. Thank you.

Your first time in Hamburg?

Yes. Then please have this,
with my compliments.

It may help you to find your way
around our beautiful city.

Thank you, you're very kind.
Oh, please, please, it's a pleasure.

Auf wiedersehen. Auf wiedersehen.

Eva?

Have you heard? Every word.

"Templar".

(CHUCKLES)

And "S" for sucker. (LAUGHS)

Lager.

Here, sir. Thank you.

Oh, bartender. Yes, sir.

Have you heard of Klaus Stortebeker?
He is a guest?

No, a pirate.

Sir? Listen to this.

"Pirates controlled
the River Elbe until ,

when Klaus Stortebeker, the greatest
of them all, was beheaded.

What happened to his vast treasure
is still a mystery.

He is said, however,
to have left a map

of its whereabouts hidden
in the stem of a pewter goblet..."

"On which he carved his initials
suspended from a gallows".

"The goblet has never been found".

snap-

Iwonder if it's true.

Dreaming of buried treasure?

Doesn't everybody dream
of getting something for nothing?

Well, may I offer you a drink?

(SCOFFS) Thank you.

A scotch and soda, please.

Mit ice? Yes, please.

Are you from Hamburg?

No, no, no, no. First time I'm here.

Enjoying it? (SCOFFS) No.

I am sorry.

Are you a...

Are you on your own?

Completely.

I, too.

What a coincidence.

(CHUCKLES) That's why
I'm not enjoying myself.

It is embarrassing to say, but...

..I want someone to go out with.

Well, let me be
the first to volunteer.

Only on one condition. Name it.

I don't want you to
pay for everything.

That would give you the wrong idea.

And if I offer to pay,
you'd be insulted. Mm, correct.

So would you agree to a Dutch treat?

Bitte. Thank you. Cheers.

To our evening out.

You agree?

Where do you want to go?

I have heard about
a street in Hamburg

much wilder than anything in
Greenwich Village or Montmartre.

The Reeperbahn? Yes.

Is it very bad?

You want me to chaperone
you through the dens of iniquity?

Could you stand it?
I'm terribly curious about it.

You know, a woman alone
is terribly handicapped...

..if she's respectable.

Well, I shall treasure
the implied compliment.

Report.

Yes . Yes .

What time?

Yes, hold on.

Alexi reporting from
the Neuezeiten Hotel.

Kolben's girl has made
contact with the British agent.

Ah.

Then he wasn't bluffing.

Well, there's no point in going
to the Reeperbahn too early.

Suppose I call for you at :?

It would be far more
convenient to meet you here.

All right. Till :, then.

Looking forward to seeing you.

Bartender? Yes, sir.
The bill, please.

Six marks, bitte. Keep the change.

Thank you very much, sir.

Mr Templar. What are you doing here?

I couldn't just stay in London
doing nothing, I had to come.

Come on, we can't talk here.

Does Major Carter know
you're here? I don't think so.

Well, don't bet on it.

Have you found anything out yet?
A little.

He didn't check out of the hotel.
Well, then where is he?

I have no idea.

I do know he went to an antiques
store owned by a johann Uhrmeister

where he was given
a brochure of Hamburg.

I know, Iwent there,
I got the same treatment.

Well, what does it mean?
I haven't a clue.

What I'm trying to do
is retrace your father's footsteps the night he disappeared.

As far as I can make out,
he was picked up by a girl.

Father? A girl?

No, not romance, a confidence trick.

A confidence trick?

Yes, I'll know the details later.

I have a date with the same girl.
When? Tonight.

I'm afraid you're going
to have to stay in this room.

You don't answer the door
or the telephone, understand?

Do you think I'm in danger?

Well, let's put it this way...

..you would have been safer
to stay in London.

It would be lovely to be rich.

Drink champagne all the time,
travel, buy beautiful clothes.

You're still dreaming about
the pirate's treasure?

Why not? These things happen.

Not often.

No, I'm being silly.

For you, gnadiges Fraulein.

Thank you very much.
How nice to see you again.

I'm afraid you're making a mistake.

Very clever. Thank you, sir.

Well, it's been a wonderful evening.
You've been more than kind,

and I'll never forget it.
Oh, I've enjoyed it, too.

Simon! Simon, look.

What at? The goblet.

The goblet from the brochure.
It couldn't be.

But it is!

Let's read it again.

Come on, you read it.

Mm, where was it? All right.
"Klaus Stortebeker... beheaded..."

"What happened to his vast
treasure is still a mystery.

He is said to have
hidden a map of its whereabouts

in the stem of a pewter goblet,

on which he carved his initials
suspended from a gallows".

Mm.

"But the goblet
has never been found".

But why? I mean, why hasn't someone
else seen it and bought it...

and bought it before this?

Or why hasn't
the pawnbroker recognised it?

Maybe he's never heard the story.

Mm. Not very likely.

Why should a side-street
pawnbroker know everything?

You do have a point.

Why should anybody know?

If we hadn't read it,
we wouldn't know.

(KNOCKING)

Good evening.

Oh, this goblet in the window,
how much is it?

Which one, Fraulein?

How much?
Ah, this one, this is very old.

th century.

How much?

marks. I'll take it.

I'm sorry if we awakened you.

Oh, it's business.

Don't bother to wrap it. Thank you.

Gute nacht. Gute nacht.

Open it.

What, you mean break it? Why not?

Well, you just paid marks for it.

I didn't buy it for an ornament.
Break it.

(GASPS) It's written
in Old German...

more than years ago.

Can you read it? Uh-huh.

In modern German, this would be...

"This is the platz..." This place?

"..wo ich meinen schatz vergrabe."

"..where I hid my treasure".

Well, what do you make of the map?

Oh, I'll look at it later.

What do you mean later?
You've seen enough.

Are you frightened I might
take off with your share?

My share is all of it.
Why should you have any?

For breaking open the goblet?
(SCOFFS) I paid for it.

But I thought the evening
was supposed to be -.

Funfzig-funfzig.

For foods and drinks, yes.

You would have walked
right past and never seen it

if it wasn't for me.

My dear girl, be my guest.

Thank you for taking me out.

Thank you...for taking me. Mm.

Are you free? ja.

Neuezeiten Hotel.

(SPEAKS GERMAN) (SPEAKS GERMAN)

just keep going, don't stop.

(GASP)

Ach, Fraulein...

Oh, it's all right, you startled me.

Aber ist doch ...

Surely this is the room
of Herr Templar, isn't it?

Erm...yes, it is.
I'm a friend of his.

Oh...

No, really, I am, it's all right.

It's nothing to do with me,
Fraulein, nothing at all.

Herr Helmut, there's a young lady
in Mr Templar's room, number .

(KNOCKING)

Who is it? The management.

This is most irregular,
gnadiges Fraulein.

Where's Mr Templar? Out.

I can see that, but where?
I've no idea.

I must ask you, Fraulein,
for identification.

Look, I'm a friend of Mr Templar's.

Ms Frances G Roeding.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello? Franz? Yes.

I've got Roeding's daughter.

Argh!

Come on.

Who are you? What do you want?

Where are you taking me?

You came to Hamburg to find
your old man, didn't you?

Well, I'm doing you a favour.

(GROANS)
Don't be stupid, Ms Roeding.

Well, go on,
say hello to your daddy.

How did they get you?

I've been frantic with worry,
I came to look for you.

Father, what's happened?
What are you doing here?

Who are these people?

I've been a greedy, dishonest fool.

What do you mean?

Pirate's treasure. What?

Iwas looking for antiques.

Iwent in to a shop,
Uhrmeister's, Engestrasse .

Iwas given a travel brochure...

about Hamburg.

Stupidly, I assumed that
anything printed in the guidebook must be true.

At any rate, there was
an item in it about treasure...

..pirate's treasure.

Eva. Hello, darling.

You aren't glad to see me.

Well, it's...just late, that's all.

I know, I've been working.

Frankie, this one is terribly rich.

A wad of money like... No.

What?

just lay off, huh?
For a few days anyway.

But he's a tourist.
In a few days, he'll be gone.

Well, let him go.
But we need the money.

You said the professor
had no money. I said no!

Isaid no! N-O.
Can't you understand English?

Why do you shout at me?
What's going on?

I'm sorry. Nothing, nothing at all.

Come on, baby, don't be like that.

You can trust old Frankie.

(FOOTSTEPS APROACHING)

I make you some coffee.

Where do you think you're going?

Get her back downstairs. Ow!

Who is that girl?

Don't get excited, baby. Who is she?

What are you doing to her?
Take it easy, will you?

Her name is Roeding.

Now, look... Roeding?

The professor's daughter?

Yeah, now will you...
Why is she here?

You told me the professor has gone.
Well, he hasn't.

You mean...

..you have him downstairs, too?

Frankie, what for?

Look, Eva, this deal
means a lot of money.

I'll cut you in for , bucks.

Right now, Iwant you
to go home and relax.

But I...
At least for the time being.

I mean, who is he anyway?
His name is Templar.

Templar? What's wrong?

Oh, you stupid...

You think you've been playing
him for a sucker, do you?

That guy's a British agent
after Roeding.

Did you talk about the map?

No. And he has no idea
where this house is?

No, none. Keep your mouth shut, Eva.

Iwill, I swear it.

Templar tries to get to you,
you run, understand?

You get out of town. Yes.

You louse this up for me, baby,
and you'll wish you were never born.

Now b*at it.

Erich!

Erich!

Eva's just left. Follow her.

If she meets a man called Templar,
stop them both...

..permanently.

Ah.

And this seems genuine enough.

Ifigured you'd be interested.

Oh, very interested.

Mr Kolben, your talents
are wasted on petty crime.

So, we have a deal then, huh?

, US dollars
for Roeding and the girl.

Right.

Where do you want
them delivered? Ah.

Before I tell you that...

..there's one flaw. And what's that?

This girl of yours - Eva.

Ex-girl, but what about her?

She spent the entire evening
with the British agent.

You think that's news?

You knew it? Sure.

You mean your usual
confidence trick?

That's right.

A British agent fell
for this pirate lunacy?

Comrade, they all fall.

People all over the world go crazy
when they smell an easy buck.

They won't bother anybody,
you take my word for it.

(GASPS) Guten Abend, Fraulein.

Surprised to see me?

Oh, I'm not quibbling,
I enjoyed every minute of it.

It's just that I have
an irresistible urge to talk to you.

They er...say
you're a British agent.

Who says? Eva, is that you?

Yes. Oh, I'm sorry.

What's the matter? Confused?

Well, I...
Yes, I can see that you are.

So, I'll skip the preliminaries

about how this sweet,
innocent child picked me up,

leading us to find old
Klaus Stortebeker's goblet.

And lo and behold,
in the stem there was a map.

What do you use
to age the maps, darling?

Tea?

I admit it,
Iwas going to swindle you. Eva.

And then tomorrow morning,
you would have turned up at my hotel

filled with abject apologies.

Yes .

Saying you'd found the treasure
but you'd need money to dig it up.

It's absolutely classic.

And you pulled the same
stroke on Professor Roeding.

Yes. But that is all.

We had nothing to do
with holding him prisoner.

That is true.
Iwould never hurt anybody.

Mm. Never!

So somebody else figures
that the professor is more valuable in captivity.

(GLASS SHATTERS)

Keep down.

You'd better call the doctor.
No, no, wait.

Now, Eva, you see...

..this is the type of people
we're mixed up with.

Fake goblets and treasures, well...

..it is bad, but...

..at the worst, it's dishonest.

It cheats the greedy people
who want something for nothing.

But surely you
can see the difference

between this and dealing
with the Russians...

..for the life of a famous man.
He's right.

The professor is in a house,
Stephanstrasse .

Right off St Pauli Haufenstrasse.

He's there now? Yes.

And his daughter? She's with him.

And you, you're my child,
you stay with me.

Oh, be quiet, father. (COUGHS)

Now, where are they?

(GRUNT)

Where are they?

Where are they? Arbeitshafen.

Where in Arbeitshafen?
Pier , the warehouse.

They're late.

Are you criticising
my arrangements, captain?

I'm only saying that
my ship sails in minutes.

Your ship sails when I tell it to.

Let's keep our relative
positions straight.

Suppose the British will outbid us?

The British are no longer
part of the negotiations...

..and Kolben will be here.

You're very confident, comrade.
I know my man.

Kolben is completely
a creature of greed.

Money is the key to his whole life.

(CAR APPROACHING)

You see?

All right, you two, out.

And no tricks.

Why are you so depressed,
Professor Roeding?

You're worth a great deal of money.
Where is it?

just a minute.
I'll count it, if you don't mind.

Oh, really,
Mr Kolben, do you think...

Look, I don't trust anybody,
not even myself.

Psst, komm her.

Satisfied?

They're all yours, comrade.

Well, you sail on time, captain.

(SPEAKS GERMAN)

Come.

I suggest you do exactly
what you are told.

Run.

Round the back.

(SCREAMS)

Thank you, Mr Templar,
my daughter has told me everything.

Think nothing of it,
I do it all the time.

The Neuezeiten Hotel.

Thank you, Eva,
for calling the police.

I couldn't have done anything else.

How is your father?
Oh, he'll be all right.

I'm glad. So am I...

..and more that you speak to me.

(SCOFFS) Why shouldn't I?

After all, you introduced me to
Klaus Stortebeker and he turned out to be a very helpful pirate.

I'll give you a lift in my new car.
Oh, is this yours?

The villains won't be
needing it any more.
Post Reply